I still remember the day you walked into my life. It was lightly raining and the sun was just starting to come out, but it was still dark and gloomy. It's funny how the moment I see that geeky-looking kind of guy, I never thought I'd be so in love with him till today. It's frustrating that I can't re-live that moment, but I'm happy that I've met you.*

But, all of this jealousy seeing you with her, daydreaming and running away from life, it's not healthy for me. I am very sure that I love you as I keep on giving excuses for all the pain you've caused me. I still think of your feelings after all the pain. I was ready to be there for you even after ending things. This isn't healthy for me, I know, but I can't help it when it comes to you.

Brian Allan is a punk
A punk a punk
Brian Allan is a punk
Who is so cool
You see I watch concerts
Cause I love them I love them
Brian Allan is a punk
And is the coolest dude around
You see watches Sydney swans in the footy and supports the raiders despite them only winning when they have no hope
Brian Allan is a punk a punk a punk
Yes Brian Allan is a punk
And he is so cool
You see he likes watching boxing to see who will win the title and if a geeky kid was being bullied he would come up to hassle the bully
Only to get locked in the locker next to the geek
You see Brian Allan is a punk
A very fine punk is he
He never gets into very much
Strife and dude can he be cool
You see Brian Allan gets wasted at parties turning the people away but deep down Brian Allan is a cool punk who really loves life in the way of being positive
Not worrying about the bad
Just stay positive in your life

"hi there,
I'm here to confirm your death
this is your last chance- speak now or forever hold your peace!"
(writes ‘patient lying in bed with eyes closed. no signs of life. identity confirmed.')

"i'm just going to perform a few tests
can you hear me? (she shakes them, inflicts one final pain)
does this hurt?"
(writes 'no response to verbal cues or supraorbital pressure')

"i'm just going to have a listen in to your chest"
their heart is finally still
not broken, or aching
lungs empty,
forever breathless
(writes 'no heart or lung sounds on auscultation, no carotid pulse on palpation')

“i’m just going to shine a wee light into your eye)
she pries open their lids and looks for life,
finds the same every time
empty tunnels gazing above
eyes wide open, taking in what comes next
what horror? what wonder?
(writes 'pupils fixed and dilated')

“that’s us all done now, they’ll take you down to the morgue”
uttered to a body waxy and fixed
often warm
hands held by so many
now forevermore empty
('death verified at/on')

and then-

she strokes their hair, the way their mother did as they were laid in her arms
gently closes their eyes
traces a cross on their foreheads
tucks them into their deathbeds
leaves them to sleep

God, have mercy, on this your child
God, be kind
I hope you are at peace
Be at peace

The coffee was too sweet as I mentally sketched a blueprint for each sentence I hope to speak. My tongue eagerly bounced between the most eloquent wordings to express thoughts that even you probably know are too complex for me.

I firmly grasped my the frigid mason jar, afraid that the same twilight that illuminated all the right parts of your face and highlighted your rogues strands of hair like golden thread would be enough to knock me from my seat. If I explained that, would it be romantic?

I pondered whether geeky comedy could be my niche. Decided against it. My hands grew colder from icy condensation and hesitation.

Every calculated consonant passing through your lips becomes fuzzier as i balance my focus so you don't notice how distracting you are. I struggle to pretend this is effortless for me, too.

I wished with each passing moment that I weren't one moment closer to death, one less moment sipping sugary coffee in your company.

I wished each passing moment elapsed quicker. my coffee is dwindling, the lump in my throat is a landform in of itself.

Though I'd rather babble about the universe and love, history and life, your small talk captivated me. Vowel after vowel. Of ambient noise, you could compose symphonies, your stare a screenplay, of simple Walmart trips, novels.

Of me, I'm but the fly on the wall in a fleeting moment of daylight in a rocky chair in a café in a day of your life upon which I couldn't even confess that I think about you more than the universe and history and life and coffee. Until you know that, I'll see you next time and we'll order the coffee black.

appearances
appearances
appearances

we aren’t what
we seem,
are we?

but we are
what we seem
aren’t we?

how would
you know about
the drug-takers,
the child-rapists,
the murderers,
the doctors,
the racists,
the writers,
the sports-fan,
the obese,
the rage-filled,
the hateless,
if they didn’t
tell you?

what are they but
average joes
until they go
rob a bank
or
paint a master-
piece?

even
the very perfect,
like the president
or
your babysitter,
is probably hiding
something

maybe they’re
a *** addict
or a pill-popper
or a communist
but if you look
at them and
see a good little
child
or
a perfect
example of
human being
I highly
doubt that’s what
they really
are

I say this
simply because
people are not
perfect

but
society
refuses to let
them be their
misshapen
selves

so we hide it,
like all good
things,
and pretend
like we have no idea
what they’re talking
about
when somebody
makes fun
of our favorite
geeky tv
show

and that’s us

all appearances
all lies
all that we know

Do not be fooled
By pretty smiles
And pink nails
Fuzzy sweaters
And geeky laughs
Behind the smiles
The nails, sweaters, laughs
There are lines that tell my story
Of pain that no one has seen
Or could begin to discern
These lines that are hidden
Prove to me
That looks can be deceiving
In more ways than one

He chose you.  I hope you know how lucky you are. I tried so hard to be it for him -- hell, I wanted it to be him so badly -- but I just never was.

Don't worry, even though you have no reason to. I know my place, and so do you.

He loves intensely. Fully. As compelling as the moment you first saw him and it felt as if the stars finally aligned in your favor. As strong as the gush of wind whenever it storms. As overwhelming as holding his heart in your hands. As powerful as the waves that meet the shores. As hard as I stupidly fell for him. Am falling. But trying to let go of.

So when you doubt that love... Just don't.

Don't be bothered when he replies a few hours too late, just be glad that he makes time for you. Don't act affected when he puts his other responsibilities before you, it's just that he's always been an overachiever. He's so used to juggling everything on one hand that he forgets he has yours to hold through it all. Swallow your pride, and accept that he will always be occupied. Don't compare yourself to his past lovers, or the other girls, including I, who are so gone for him. You aren't competing with shadows anymore.

I wish I could call him mine, but he's all yours to adore. It's you, and it will always ******* be you.

And I hope you know he loves playing chess. Half the time he devotes to studying is actually spent playing that geeky game. Tease him about it because you love seeing him smile. He drinks ridiculously copious amounts of alcohol but he'll never admit to it. He eats food off the floor. He denies his crazy ways since he just wants to bicker with you about something. He says the quirkiest statements but appreciates it when you let out your peculiar side with him. He'll never let you open your door on your own. He'll wait for you. Always. He claims he's shy, but God knows he could charm anyone's pants off.

Do me a favor: *don't be afraid of loving him, and the love he could give.

When weak people tease


You see as people go about every day life, they push people around a lot and also another thing they do as well, you see mate is try and tease in a way to make people jitter and even if they might not look like they don't know how to tease, they are teasing they are trying to bring all their friends together and tease them, and they are trying to tease the little shy boy, even if that they are little shy boys anyway, because at least I have a life and I want to be rich and famous, while people are trying to tease in so many ways, like one way they are prepared to say shut up **** every time he says something and when he goes on the computer, he can hear his dad saying be a little teasie, because his dad said that he us shy and some young hooligans said we'll kidnap him to tease him, even if they are trying to make him jitter, even if they are as weak as ****** ****, you see people should do volunteer work and do are had write poems and be cool, while my dad is saying your still either a kid or a lady and my new mate is teasing me with his friends, first he invites me over, so he can be helped by me and then he invitesj some other mentally ill people over and started to tease me with his friends because he is saying that your still a little shy boy, and he will say that he ain't shy to complain about work and remain poor, just as
Long as he has his fun teasing, and he says that that you are still a defensive little **** and you know you need to realise that I ain't shy to tease you buddy, I will drink alcohol over you and then I will go to pub and have a few alcoholic beverages avd say that you are still getting teased even if it makes him look like a ****** geek, and only geeks tease like that anyway, because they try to tease in so many ways and even if they are little geeky kids, they try and avoid being treated like a geek by saying that they are a teasing but the thing is whether they are teasing or not, they are still a pack of geeks and they will all die long and painfull deaths, and they aren't really cool but they will say that they are teasing to avoid getting teased themselves, they are all a pack of shy ***** who really aren't coping with life very well, so they try and tesse, and that is the end of another instalment

"Breathtaking",
She had a smile that lit up my heart and soul like a winter campfire,
no a bonfire, and rock and roll music playing constantly in the background, with the joy and sorrow in her huge heart,
that she flaunted with robust ease,
"Gorgeous", she said,
She was so gorgeous, and she called me that from across the apartment,
you are too, I thought but didn't want to say the same word so I just smiled, It's like we could spend a night together, a day together, a life even in those Betty Davis eyes, in hind sight, a life, intimate and quiet from another land near mine but not quite yet connected, or conquered,
but you did, and you quit smoking,
"I'll change for you", she said,
Movies and window peeping, it's okay they'd close the blinds if they wanted to keep you from looking, you did say, you said a lot of funny things I'll forever remember, I'll catch up with you later, if I make it, your not my wife I guess, I won't hold you back, stupid things to think, to say, in hindsight, more like a close sister,
I said,
"goodbye my very dear friend", and she would say it too,
A friend and companion, you were number one, teenage love,
partners in crime, should of stuck with you, I sometimes think, marching fast, arm in arm, way ahead of all those lazy stragglers with less direct motivation, swimming, bathroom makeover, frolicking in the night, fun, then the kiss, my very first kiss from a girlfriend, I liked it very much, short and brave and fast,
"Gross", she would not of said the same,
Sporty spice, travel the planet for hopes, and travel journey fun,
sports, and smarts,
"Fire in a running shoe", does you no justice,
Words, thick frame glasses on a little bird, but a very wise one, and eager and muchly shrewd, I wanted to stay, I don't know why I didn't kiss you on the mouth that day, to cautiously laid upon the cheek, sorry, you were the coolest,
"life as a poem, an article, a revolution", I just whispered it of you,
Oh how I wish to write you name now, for I fell for it before I even bought into you, not as quickly as I saw your frame in the distance though, my heart leaped, but you were a teacher, so busy I figured, still time for me though, mountain quests biking with a failed challenge to bunny over a log, it could have been done, you push, you challenge, we dove into conversation, eyes locked, I say we never dated but we did pursue it non the less,
"Spunky geeky gospel funk" I was up to it, still am,
Animated worlds, the gradual approach, a white girl from Africa, to know if you were an Africa-an African I didn't get that far, I knew it was possible when you touched my hand that night when we all went to the LOTR at the movies and you sat next to me, was that intentional, I think it might have been, so exotic yet familiar,
a real animation trooper, I wonder where you are now,
"Military legend of the big screen, a real tooner"
You all rock and roll and Rock, an old way you do, the real way,
I did love, I did care, and still hope for you girls, ladies, women, people.

I told her I'd write this in the shower

She was mentioned first
the order changes, you're all so cool plus,
there's no order,
just know you all could have been the number one for me,
if i weren't a crazy fool.

But a fool can become wise, so
"Here's to you!"

Maybe I'll catch ya later,
maybe I just did,
or maybe not.

Still,

I hope to someday,
anyways, until someday,
Bye for now,
"Ta".

Only three months are left
Until graduation.
I am so scared.
I don't care if I fail all of my classes,
I don't care about how I look,
And I most certainly don't care about how other people view me.
But in three months,
You will be gone.
I'm so scared of it.
You are my best friend.
I love you dearly.
I'm trying to memorize every part of you
So when you leave I'll still remember you.
I remember every odd, quirky thing
That you told me about yourself.
I remember how you were always there for me
And you never gave up on me,
Even when you saw me at my lowest.
I remember all of those weird and crazy conversations,
We would have at midnight.
You are the smartest, most wonderful,
Kind, funny, patient and geeky man
That I know.
In three months, you will be at boot camp
And I'll be in this small town,
Where nothing changes and everyone talks about each other.
You'll be excited to start your new life
As a Nuclear Engineer  
And I'll become a distant memory.
That is what I'm scared of.
I don't want you to forget me.
Even though you once told me
That I am an amazing and a unforgettable person,
I'm so worried that you will forget me.
But this is your dream job
And I fully support it.
You will be under the sea, powering a submarine
And I'll probably be working in some
Dim, dull, dusty restaurant on the main street.
*Good luck, my astronaut man.

School is hard
School is right
School is like a card
Being played at night

School is boring
School is geeky
Sometimes the teachers catch me snoring
Because I"m not very sneaky

Everywhere I go
School is life.
It creeps up on me day and night.

Observing
the fast food crowd
A Harried mother
with crazed kids
A geeky dad
with one shy child
A youngish man
with a face full of ink
A young woman
just here for water
and an old couple
they seem happy
the list could go on
A full crowd with little
to nothing to do with each other
I'd like to read their minds.

Thank you for Matching the Tinder Call Center. My name is Nick and I will be helping you with your order today. And your name is?

Hi, (Tinder Match). I'm so glad you called because you do qualify as one of the first 100 people I find attractive!
So Where are you from?

Oh Wow, I've never been there, you ever Been to Portland Maine?

No? Well look at that, I guess we've never been too each others places before.
Haha.
Looks like we have something in common.

What was it on my profile that got you interested in swiping right?
Oh I see, you liked the beard and
my addiction to Netflix.

How long have you been interested in that?
Wow that's a long time.
you really enjoyed the Office.

What else have you tried to build a good relationship?
Yeah, that must be frustrating.
They seem like a real bad guy.

What's the worst part about dealing with that?
I see, that must be really hard.

Tell me a little bit about why it's so important for you to do something about this now; it's a little different for everyone.

I see, you can't love anymore because he broke your heart.
You don't want anything serious right now.

Do you prefer coffee or tea?
you're right, Yerba Mate is fantastic with maple syrup.

What's your favorite meal of the day?
Yeah, breakfast is amazing.

What kind of music do you like?
Twenty One Pilots saved your life? that's Unbelievable.

what does your bedroom look like?
Covered in artwork and paper lanerns?

You know, (tinder match). I can't wait for you to start seeing me, and feeling Happy.

As my profile states,
I am a Geeky, Confident, Charismatic Optimist who likes to wake up next to people, Watch Netflix, and sing to himself almost always.
And that sounds great doesn't it?

Just imagine how wonderful it will feel when you're able to Sit down in Dobra tea. Pass back and fourth our Yerbe Matte Ahumado.
Then go belt out lyrics to Twenty One Pilots in my car on the way back to your place,
have amazing *** under your paper lanterns and wake up the next day to me making you breakfast.
And THAT'S really why you swiped right today, isn't it (Tinder match)?

Excellent! Let's get you started!

As you heard, I've put together a Special Date, with the free Tea. A serenade and car ride. And an extra free second date when you try this First One for just your body. Plus, since you're one of the people I find attractive, I'm gonna throw in a Third date. so you get three, for the price of one! And remember that dating me is risk-free because it's backed by my 30-day Text you back guarentee.
So what's the best number I can reach you at?

I understand your hesitation, (tinder match). When we first started talking you had said you'd been dealing with bad relationships for a long time right? Once you start seeing me you'll see an increase in happiness within the first two dates. And if you never have to worry about being sad again, you'd say it was worth trying wouldn't you?
Right! So what's your snapchat username?

Perfect, and your Cell phone number?
Alright, and a day you're free?
And what's a good time to meet?

Awesome, okay (Tinder Match). And I'm also told to inform you of our special super saver package today. You'll get to go out on a date with me, and my friend Sally for the same low price of just your body. Imagine what it'd be like experiencing the both of us at the same time! Scientists have proven that polyamorous relationships are more happy, more healthy, and result in less overall stress. Which is really what you're looking for isn't it?

Great so I'll just have her tag along alright?

Perfect.
Thank you very much and just to confirm, I'll see you on Wednesday at 12:00pm at Dobra Tea, alright?
Alright have a nice day (Tinder Match.)
Buh bye.

When I was young high school kid
I wasn’t doing very well with girls
I didn’t know what to say to them
But I really wanted to give it a whirl.
So, when Mama saw me struggling
She saw me blowing my chance
She told me, “They’ll come around,
All you have to do is learn to dance.”

So, she showed me some rather easy
Stylish steps from her jitterbug days
I took them and danced to the music
That the deejays chose to play.

Mama taught me jitterbug
And that helped quite a bit
She won awards as a teen
I heard she was quite a hit.

I rocked and I rolled and bounced
My shoes got to moving with the beat.
Then I was snapping my fingers and
My body went along with my feet.
I twirled the girls I danced with and
Held them snuggly up close and tight.
And the girls started asking me to dance
Right away from that very first night.

Mama taught me jitterbug
And I very glad she did
It turned a geeky wallflower
Into a much more popular kid.

I learned the Stroll and Hully Gully
The UT and the Electric Slide
With a changing bevy of beauties
Dancing along right by my side.
This was before Twist showed up
Which everybody could learn to do
But even then I found that I could
Teach them another trick or two.

Mama taught me jitterbug
And that helped quite a bit
She won awards as a teen
I heard she was quite a hit.

I miss you I miss you
Oh this is nothing unique
Countless writers before me
Have been stuck on this
Destructive streak
But I am not in denial
I know what is true
We were never meant to have
Our hearts beating in tune
Your path in life steers right
While mine inevitably turns left
But I oft wonder why
We cannot make them contrive.

You see, I miss you so much
Your face, it does haunt
My every waking move
Your gaily laugh and cheeky grins
Those geeky glasses too big for
That stupidly small stubby nose
And don’t even get me started on
That long mass of unkempt
Purple hair
Purple, my favorite color…
Well it is
Back to that plain, ordinary brown I suppose.

You messaged me a few weeks ago
“I miss you so”
Really?
Do not bother
With such half-assed quips
I doubt you miss me so much that you
Are crying like a newborn in a crib
You “miss me” because you have not found
A proper replacement
Once you meet that new girl
I know I will be resigned to
A fading light in the corner of your mind’s basement
You “miss me” because there is no new
Furrow for you to Burrow
I am guessing you’ve been unlucky
In seeking opportune ******
Once you plow the fields again
A forgotten mishap
Will surely be my fated past.

You miss me you say
Well I doubt that is the truth
You don’t miss me like I
Miss you
Because you see,
I still love you
Ardently.
Through and through.

What is a daemon?
In computing, a daemon (pronounced DEE-muhn) is a program that runs continuously as a background process and wakes up to handle periodic service requests, which often come from remote processes.
------------------------
Did no one ever tell you, child,
never swear for no excuse,
plead guilty,
confess you was beguiled,
indeed. By some when
back then you had kin, what
made time to preform
the secret baby making.

Once upon a time,
we were always orphans,
from first whipper snappers used
to scrape tar from industrial chimneys.

Songs of Innocense in a new age,
learning old religions decay to mythos,

whence new religions tie memorium,
whence each season we return to recall

our broken spirits, how so and so sang,
lala live for today, la la live for today,

some same stories we recall, links,
URLs, to old sessions recording history,

close your eyes and drift away, listening,
much as winds seem to do, returning
on their circuits from collection
to collection, paid attention tokens, believed
to soften the hull on the gospel seed sown
to a cultivated faith, planted to propagate,

the idea of a secret code Truth uses in spirit form,
the Truth of truths, which, if known, even once,
makes the captive free,

mentally, happy as one can imagine,
under unchanging immutable terminii enforcing
order.

Order, called for, order in the court
of geeky oddball poetic discerners of like or love or not,

Thought traditions trades across epochs forming news,
too much to think about while considering sidereal extents.

Desiderata, poetic license, madejathank, Christian Nation,

Conquistadores were still heroes in 1954,
when the generation first born in the United Nations
victory forever standardization of historical information,
- Boomers stepping aside, survivors come to remember
- first were we to be graded by machines for marks
- made in Number two pencils rounded to one swipe
- width, right answers, only, only, one swipe between
- the lines, esoteric practice for precision aim.

to be overseen by servants of the victorious economy,
as pieces resorting to old formerly used rules of conduct,

smell the wind the strange idea carries,
worth weight, pushing power, pumping umph,

known cost of use, userer's fee, faith, the story held true,

with the evidence in the box, the bag, the sacred bundle,
all but forgotten, faith becomes the evidence of things unseen,

children are told
to hold these truths, those being taught you,
as you line up
in patterns
of proven paid attention, facing the flag

child, you should remember, wordless, for lack of a phraze,
thinking What? What am I pledging, what is pledging, I swear

I mean, I swanee, by golly, gosh ****, shucks, I ghucking did not know.

Sometimes I wonder what we really need to do.
Do we try to be successful?
Or "Go with The Flow Type"?
What do we do?
People say be yourself,
But what is yourself?
Geeky,
Popular,
Weird,
Sporty?
Why do we have these Labels?
Why?

which is cool.    Kidnapped by computer geeks



Adam and Benjamin Powell are brother's with a difference, Adam is a nice clean cut young dude who likes to muck around on the streets, while Ben loves to have his geeky friends over for an evening of dungeons and dragons, adam quite often teased Ben, saying he wasn't very normal and when Ben was finished he got out his wild west kit and tied Adam to the stairs and pretended to hold Adam hostage till their parents got home, and mind you Adam was very scared, in fact, what Adam wanted to do mainly is hang around with his street kid mates, but Ben wanted Adam to be his little teasie, even if it meant he would you know make Adam feel, like he's been held hostage, and what makes it worst, when his parents got home, Ben carried on as if nothing has happened.
So day in and day out, weekends and after school, Ben told Adam to be home before him, or he'll hang you by the neck till he was dead, and Adam was too scared to say no, and went home as he promised and each day, his brother Ben was there with his mate Rick and both Ben and Rick tied Adam up and held kept him in the cupboard in the room where they played their fantasy game, Adam was scared and banged the door, and then Ben got up and opened the door, come on ******, play with me, I have friends, you haven't, and that is how it'll stay, Adam Powell, and then Ben went back to his game, leaving Adam very scared, thinking his brother was a evil villain, we all know he was a kid, but Adam was still sacred shitless, because really he doesn't deserve this one little bit.
At 5-30 their parents got home and Ben let his brother Adam go and then their parents dropped a bombshell which made Adam happy, because some of Adam's school friends invited him to a birthday party, and Adam looked at Ben and Ben was smiling, saying he isn't a poor sucker, who relies on this small talk, to get him by, just as long as he doesn't meet any of the cool street kids, because I ain't playing my geeky games, so he can bring to this family the poor people act, so Ben went to Adam and told him, if you go anywhere near anyone street trash, I will hold you hostage right in front of mummy and daddy, and then Adam left the house all scared and jumpy and on his way there he grabbed this 7 year old, and said, watch out for my geeky brother, he is a psychopath, and then Adam saw Ben's light turn on and Adam ran real hard, so Ben can't see him talking.
Ben went out and this kid told Ben what Adam said to him, and Ben said thanks and went back to his house and waited for Adam to come home, and when he did, their parents weren't home and Ben decided to hold Adam hostage and tie him up on the shed with his d&d; friends and while Adam was struggling to get free from the rope and gag, he was getting rope burns all over his body and all the geeks laughed their geeky laughs, saying we are keeping this little cool kid away from any street kid, because we want him with us, we want to teach him, that people do what Ben Powell and his mates tell him, and if you call me a ******. Like you told that kid, you will die, little Adam, so suffer little cool kid, us geeks will keep you from being safe, heh heh heh heh heh.
These kind of events happened day in and day out, and their parents never knew what happened and when Adam turned 18 he went to his friend who was a street kid when he was young, he was saved off the streets and both Adam and Rob, the name of his friend, mucked around together throwing beer bottles on his geeky brothers roof, and Rob forced Adam to make fun of his brother and Adam liked that, and he seemed to understand it, so he went home and teased Ben and his mates saying, you guys are geeks, you ****, and I will never be like you and Ben tried to keep a goody goody look for his parents, but Adam decided to take Rob's advice and treat Ben like a stupid little geeky yeah mate yeah kid and then he said, you will be pushed to family life, because I ain't like you, I am like the street kids, they help you protect themselves, from **** ******* ***** like you and Ben who thought he still had the hold over him phoned his friends to kidnap Adam and tie him to a bed, to cut the devil out of him, and Ben's friends were persuaded by Rob to ask Ben to the singles night, to pick up chicks, but instead they kidnap Ben and take him to Robs parents house and tie him up to the bed, with duct tape on his mouth really tight.
Ben was very scared and he tried to say through his gag, why me, and Rob said, because you keep your brother from us, we're cool, and you will be gagged here for life, so if you were cool once, your not anymore, and then the kidnappers let Ben go and Ben was too scared to teaee Adan anymore and made love with his girlfriend and he had 3 kids with her, and Adam, who was still scared, because he thought a leopard doesn't change his spots, still was too scared of life, but every time he saw Ben. He laughed secretly to himself, because Ben is no longer his holder, some say, Ben is now scared to mess with Adam, but others say, that Ben didn't know right from wrong, really, and he was just being a kid, and now he's an adult, and those days are behind him, and all the kidnapping thoughts are over, Adam was relieved, and now Ben is his best friend,

In the state of the Lone Star,
the sun begins to pound on my pale skin
As summer begins

I'm out of school
I'm out of a social life
I'm flooded in books
Required and wanted alike

Sweltering heat makes the air thick
Like sweet Southern molasses
The mosquitoes are out full force
And the ants are too

Old ladies and men on porch swings
Speaking quietly to themselves
The young and active squabble in yards and pools
Whilst under parent's watchful eye
The young and geeky sit in front of screens
Fingers and thumbs moving away

Freedom
The boiling *** of summer freedom
Drips on the stove of the people
Calming them into summer's lazy drift...

Those are the realities of a Southern Summer.

One friend is deaf but manages to hear twice as much as I do,
while simultaneously embedding himself in games and genius.
One friend is kind and smart, always complimenting and supporting others before herself.
One friend is quiet, and she is both easily embarrassed
and easily embarrassing.
One friend is the previous friend's brother,
and crushes on me while never saying enough.
One friend is very intelligent and geeky,
and detests wearing skirts even more than I.
One friend is really in your face and dramatic,
pushing the boundaries on everything, but noone hates him.
One friend is the unfortunate brother of a great annoyance, but is her polar opposite.
One friend has hair of constantly changing color;
blue, green, pink, black, yellow, brown,
but always the same hoodie no matter her hair choice.
One friend has a thousand faux laughs,
but guards his true one from the light.
One friend has a mocking joke for everything,
and you can't help but laugh with her.
One friend has a treasured hat and while sketching everyone, everything, and everywhere, lays my insecurities to rest as I do the same for him, both of us in need of some love
and understanding from a kindred spirit.
One friend has an obsession with a band and a book and a show, and an overbubbling enthusiasm for everything in her life.
One friend has a meme for everything,
and a perverse thought for every situation he encounters.
One friend is half blind but she manages to see twice
as much as me and explains everything beautifully.
One friend is crazy and gets away with the exclamation of abraham lincoln in any awkward silence because its just his nature.
One friend is as a mouse, but a genius in every aspect
and hides behind her glasses.
One friend is obnoxiously loud and more of a dork than the gangster his hoodie implies so everyone simply laughs.
One friend smiles like a duck in the cutest way,
and wears her square glasses in the best way.
One friend longs for a love that is loyal
and hide s behind his temperment

In the American comedy tv program Freaks and Geeks, Bill, a geeky individual always gets picked last for sports. He gets frustrated because he wants to play baseball. He believes he would be really good, but the jocks always pick him last and put him in far right field; he never gets his chance to shine. Judgement bothers me. My past has little to do with what I want to accomplish now. Human beings are judgmental creatures.
      "Who you are" is "what you look like" or "what you do" or both.
Judgement, in my opinion, is a form of harassment. What if "what I do" or "what I've done" is irrelevant to "what I want to do now"? Would you be able to look beyond my past mistakes to give me another chance at success?

Jim McDonnagh pulled his 2011 Ford Escape into his driveway, glancing over at his six year old son, who was sitting at the end of the drive. Angus McDonnagh, all of six years old, and ginger haired was waving at his dad, from a kitchen chair, set behind a card table. On the table was a sign and a box. Of course, from the angle Jim was at in the car, he couldn't see what was on the white board hanging in front of the table. Angus waved again, and turned back to the road.

Jim, entered the large four bedroom bungalow from the side door, looking back at Angus one more time. Angus, was sitting, watching the cars drift by on the road in front. Carol McDonnagh, Jim's wife of nine years was at the front window watching out over Angus and his table. Jim came up behind her, and asked "What's himself doing out there at the table then?"

"I think you'd best go ask him yourself" said Carol. She had a slight smile on her face.
"No, what's up with him then....why the lemonade stand at the end of the driveway?".
"It's not a lemonade stand...did you see any lemonade out there?"
"Come to think of it, no I didn't...just wee Angus, and a box"..."What's in the box?"
"Go and talk to your son"..."He'll let you know...and oh, we've a long distance call to Belgium going to be on the next bill".
"OK....I'll....who do we know in Belgium?"
"Questions, questions...go and talk to your son"

Jim, went out the front door of the house, past Angus's bike in the walkway, where he always left it, and where Jim always told him not to leave it. Angus turned to see who was coming and then turned back to the road.

"Hey son, what's up?" said Jim. "Your mum said I should ask you what you're doing out here".
"Nothing Dad, just practicing...that's all", and he turned back to the road.
"Just practicing..cool, ok I asked"....and Jim started away, turned on his heel and asked "Do you mind if I ask ...for what are ye practicing my lad?.
"To be famous Dad, to be famous" said the ginger headed mite.
"Oh, ok then....hold it....To be famous?"..."By sitting at the end of our driveway in the middle of Glasgow, you're going to be famous?".
"Not now Dad, I'm practicing....but one day".
"Oh alright, dinner's in half hour, see you then"...."Hold it....how is sitting at the end of our driveway, at a card table with a box....practicing to be famous?".
"Easy Da...I'm selling autographs".
"Autographs?" asked Jim.
"Yep" said Angus.
"And whose fine autographs are you selling my son, my son....you can't write your name yet....you can barely scrape by on the printing side of things too".
"Their mine Da...mum did them on some kitchen cards for me. Their only one pound each. All famous people have autographs". Jim walked around to the front of the table, and looked at the box and the sign. Sure enough, one box full of about twenty white three by five recipe cards with Angus McDonnagh written on them, nice and sweet as could be. On the sign, "OTTO GRAFS" ONE QUID EECH!!!!

Jim pondered his son's new and sudden career choice and asked "Angus...why do ye want to be famous?".
"Because it's cool Dad. Everyone likes famous people". "I see..." said Jim. "Just a thought though son, don't you have to do something to become famous, to have people like you?".
"That's why this is just practice" said Angus.
Now, how do you argue with that logic?

Up at the house Carol was looking out at her two men, one ready to be famous and the other confused as to why.

"Dad, you like them footballers on telly, right?". "Yes son, I do....they're good at what they do".
"And when you see them girls in the paper, without their shirts.....Cor' I'll have a bit of that...isn't that good. That means you like them too, right?".
"Yes son, but...that's a different sort of thing".
"How?...they're famous and people know them...are they good at what they do?" asked Angus.

Flustered, Jim answered "yes they are son, yes they are". "What exactly do they do Dad?".
"I'll tell you when you're ten son...wait until you're ten".
"I'm gonna be famous like that footballer who's always in the news dad"....
Jim thought about it...not sure who his wee boy was talking about.....and then it hit him.
"You know dad, the one they always show on the news and the sports with that lady".
"Son, that's John Terry, Englands Captain", said Jim.
"He's the one, played for Chelsea too".
"That's not what he's on telly for lately son, that's not the type of famous you want". "Why not?"
"He's famous for doing something bad, that's not what you want...is it?".
"So, I don't want to be like him, and I'm not ready to know about taking my shirt off...what can I be famous for Dad....I'm ready..I've got autographs done in the box".
"I know son, you'll find out"....and hopefully soon thought Jim.
"You can be like that Justin Barber lad from Canada....go on the internet and do stuff there, you can get famous from that son".
"It's Bieber and nope, nope and nope" said Angus.
"He has tattoos, likes girls and worst of all...he looks geeky".
Jim laughed at the last bit. "But, he's famous...isn't that what you want?"

"Supper!!!" Yelled Carol from the window.

"It is, but not if I have to do that...I never thought being famous would be so tough".
Jim thought, exactly why I avoided it son. He grabbed the box, and folded up the table, Angus was dragging the chair behind him...he dropped it by the bike and went in.
Jim looked at it, dropped the table...took out a pound coin, dropped it in the box and went in for dinner.

"Maybe I'll be a fireman instead " said Angus as they went inside. "People like them too...and it doesn't seem as hard as being famous"...."Yep, a fireman".

Jim smiled, tousled his son's raggedy head and went to the table.

"Now would someone tell me about this phone call to Belgium?....

Dear Aaron,
You will not see this
But this is a message for you
And also a reminder to myself of your very existence.

I was a waitress
And you were a customer
To be more specific,
You were one of the teams we sponsored.

And yet, out of the guys there
You were the one that caught my eye
You weren't that goodlooking
There were better guys in the team
And yet,
I caught feelings the moment i saw you
You had that geeky nerdy look
You were really tall and weird
Something about you made me fell for you

I tried to approach you,
In any way possible.
I tried to take your order everytime
Serve your drinks, your food.
I wanted to get close to you
And when i did,
I was attracted to you even more.
You had that blue eyes
And cute smile
The kind that makes me fall for you.
Everytime i see you,
My mood just lighten up
You instantly make me happy
Without even trying
I guess just the sight of you cheers me up.
I'll be honest, I've always laid my eyes on you
Everytime i could
From a far,
I would stare at you
That was how obsessed i was with you

So i shoot my shot, took the risk
And I asked for your instagram
You gave it to me
I was really happy.
you were the first one to text me
It made me happy for a long time
And the first thing you said was,
You find me beautiful with my hair down.
It made me genuinely happy that you noticed me too

You knew i had feelings for you
I guess it was that obvious
And you told me that you werent looking for a relationship
And that you just wanted to have fun and meet different girls
it made me sad, but happy at the same time that you were honest with your intentions
But it was too late, i already caught feelings
So I didn't mind if you hurt me
I already like you
And i wanted to know you more
So i let it be

You didnt want me to catch feelings but wanted to make me happy
So you asked me out on a date, just one.
We went to the gardens
It was a beautiful view
But you were the greatest view i had
I was sad that it was only going to be just one date
But i wanted to make the most out of it
We went to my favourite pizza bar afterwards
We talked
And you ate a lot.

We went from one date, to a few.
From going to the beach
To drinking together
To going to the cinemas
To ice cream dates
All of those times i spent with you
Was a memorable one

We used to have video calls late at night whenever i end work early
Just talking
Just staring at each other
It made me really happy
Or how you'd randomly visit me at work
Saying you were craving for shepherds pie
When you knew i ended work early that day
So you could get ice cream with me afterwards

It's amazing how you knew me so well
When i wasn't okay,
You'd offer to meet for drinks
Or let me sleep over at your place
But you'd always call me when you know im not okay
Because you knew, looking at you made me happy

Its all the little things that you do
Made me love you even more

You didn't have feelings for me
Yet you treated me so nicely
You were mean,
Youd insult me
But i know those insults, were meant to make me shine
So thank you,
Because you made me know im worth so much more
You made me love myself.
You never judged me for my past
You were always there comforting me
You were always honest
You never lied
Even when you went out with other girls,
You told me.
It was a ******* move to tell me.  But i knew you didnt want to hide it from me.

Its been months now,
And look at you, you're dating someone now
I always thought id be the one you'd fall for
I guess im not the perfect girl for you
But regardless of all that,
Im happy for you.
I hope she's everything you ever wanted
I hope she knows how much you need to eat.
I hope she enjoys your singing as much as i do
I hope she knows how much you love chocolates and how much of a big lion king fan you are.
I hope she comforts you for your insecurities better than i was able to.
I guess i wasnt enough to make you fall for me.
But thank you,
Because knowing you, gave me loads of happy memories.
It's sad that we can't go back to how it used to be.
But i am thankful for everything.
I wish you the best in life
And will always watch you from afar
You are somewhere special in my heart
No matter how far you will be
I will always love you
And i hope you'll know that
Aaron,
Grá go Deo.

if I said I like the pheromones emanating from your lips
its me trying to be geeky poet
after a geeky kiss