This isn't a poem but a story i really needed to get out there. If it gets taken down, i don't mind, it's not a poem after all. It would be nice if you read it tho.
TW: suicide, self harm, abuse, ****** assault (this is my first time putting a trigger warning on something here)
My mom met her current boyfriend when i was 10. During the 4 years i lived there i was abused physically, emotionally, medically (idk if it counts, basically i didn't get the medical care i needed) and financially, i'm a minor so i kinda depended on his and my mother's money. He committed ****** assault against my mother multiple times, leading to her having a child with him and being pregnant again. Me, my brother (11 years old) and my mother were all told we have stockholm syndrome. I was later diagnosed with autism and some other stuff. In 2021 my school called the cps, they didn't do anything. A few months ago i was told that what we had to do there was slavery. I ran away from home in May of 2024 and stayed with my grandma ever since. In January, 2025, he kidnapped me and i stayed there for the next 2 months. He did a lot of worse things as well but that's not the point.
On valentines day, 2025, i woke up to my brother telling me to open the windows in his room, because there was smoke in his room from making the fire (they heat the house with wood and coal) so i did. A day earlier i was cleaning the house and my stepfather told me to lean the wet mop against the furnance (i have no idea what it's called). It obviously melted down. My stepfather yelled at me and my mother and told me to buy a new one with money i didn't have. I went with my mom and my brother to check up on the horses, around 30 minutes away and we went to a shop to buy a new mop. My mom paid for it and told my stepfather i bought it. When we arrived at home, he yelled "where is this *****" (me) and threw the old mop at me. He then told me to go chop wood. It was 1pm. I went to chop wood and at 7pm i was let out of the basement. My mother took my backpack and things from my shelf and closet, threw them on the floor and said it was a mess (i did have a bit of a mess in my backpack though). She then told me to give her my phone. I would normally obey, recognizing my mistake but the last time my phone got taken away (August 31st, 2022) i never got it back and later discovered it was smashed with a hammer. I gave her the phone eventually, she said it won't be broken. A minute later i heard my stepfather yell at her to let him smash the phone. He threw a barely working laptop (which he stole from me) and my phone on the table and told me to download my school stuff on there. When i began to open the laptop he grabbed me by the back of my hoodie and threw me on the ground, i was scared and begged him to stop (he was choking me like this), my mom just watched and didn't do anything about it. He yelled at me to clean up the mess so i did. He yelled more. Now, i was a 14 years old autistic trans boy, had an 11 years old brother in the house, a 2 years old brother, and a pregnant mother with cancer, along with a very violent man who began smashing everything he saw. I knew i would get in trouble but i grabbed my phone and ran out of the house, at first they tried to stop me but later they didn't. I ran out of the house around 8pm, with my crocs on, in snow, in a thin hoodie and ***** sweatpants. I ran to the shop which was like 1500 meters away, it took me around 3-4 minutes and i noticed i wasn't tired at all, nor cold. I hid in the bushes in a parking lot and called the police, explaining the situation. They told me to go back to the house so they know the call isn't a prank. I tried to get there by a different route, but my stepfather found me, he forcefully threw me into his car and later into the house. He smashed my phone with a hammer and told me to hand wash some ***** clothes he found. The police arrived a while after. I ran there again, they tried to stop me, the door was locked. I went to my room which was on the first floor and jumped out of the window. The police entered the house and my stepfather started saying how mentally ill i am, that i made it all up and things like that. The police took pictures of my room (it was like 2 x 2 meters, with nothing but a mattress inside). They believed my stepfather as always, but one of the adults there told them that she needs to check for any signs of physical abuse (it was a lady and i'm so grateful she was there). She asked me to roll up my sleeves and saw my self harm. They told my stepfather they have to take me to a psychiatrist right now and maybe keep me there for longer, he said it's good and was needed because of how delusional i was. Then he left upstairs and they asked me a few questions (like if i tried to **** myself and stuff like that and how i tried to do it). I said i did and told them how, since anythign was better than staying at that house. The lady went to the room upstairs with me and made sure i can change in peace (my clothes were ***** and torn). Then we went downstairs, my stepfather kept making those comments about me, the lady made sure i stayed right next to her because i was having one of those silent anxiety attacks or whatever they're called. I got taken to a mental hospital that day, stayed there for a while and i'm currently living at my grandma's house, i'm also in therapy. The second day i was in the mental hospital my mother brought me things like spare clothes, a notebook which i still have and a few books. She told me she wanted to die because of me and hugged me. I want to take my siblings in when i grow up but i have no idea if i'll be able to financially. I want to at least take the 11 years old in. Technically all of them are my step-siblings but i don't mind. Anyway, this is how i spent my valentines day this year, thank you so much for reading this.
