I find comfort in being sarcastic, for it tricks my brain, and my feelings towards you. Like a black tarp, sarcasm covers my heart, and lets nothing sting. But that is not true. For this tarp is torn, my heart is sore, and I cant lie, to feel less blue.
I once heard someone say
That they both tried to kill themselves
But Juliet Failed the first time
(Even though she technically just
Wanted to appear dead)
But statistically girls are more likely to
Try to kill themselves
And if you count that first time
She tried twice
And Romeo died the one and only time
Which makes sense because
Though girls are more likely to try
Guys are more likely to actually die
C'mon! Spank me like the naughty little girl I am!
FUCK ME! FUCK ME! Stop being a man!
See this? Right here? My tight little hole?
Put it right there, baby! Homosexuality makes you whole!
Put this on your tongue, this seed of pomegranate.
Have a little fun! Let loose your granite!
Ice shavings and ice cream, my sweet little angel,
Come closer, come closer, let me study your angels,
Put your dick in my mouth. I'll suck you off.
Cum in my mouth, and let yourself loft.
I'm not one for chains and whips,
But I'm more than up for shafts and tips!
Penetration; sliding in; so sweet;
Pound me harder with your big, strong meat.
The good'ol in-out in-out ~ The rhythm of life.
The dullness of cream ~ the glint of a knife.
Petrifying pangs of pleasure; cross a prostate ~ pouring,
Sweetly like ~honey~suckle~ Alluring
Breathe, my darling, like music, like a breeze.
Like the blood in my ears; like the wind in the trees.
In the closet, we are allowed but seven minutes.
But that is not enough! By the time its up, I won't be finished.
So for now, my darling, put your lips on my cheek.
And allow me one, little, innocent peak.
I hate me, I hate me, I hate me
For being so jealous, possessive, angry
Why do I ruin everything
By claiming each as my own
Why can't I just let things go
I lead myself to further pain
I keep saying "my" and "mine"
And expecting a long time
I don't, don't want to share
I don't, don't want to care
Not even fair, when I act this way
I'm the one who'll never stay
I keep setting myself up to fail
Punishment in my own twisted jail
I make people my whole world
I orbit someone like they're my sun
But it's cold, being left in space
They never wanted me in the first place
I wear baggy clothes so that I can feel skinnier.
I reread all of the notes I've saved almost every night.
I write really loopy because it's hard for me to let go.
I close my eyes and imagine things, constantly.
I paint with black because colors are too interesting.
I rub my face when I'm stressed, or I claw at my skin.
I wear my hair over my face so I can't see people staring.
I hate liquid eyeliner, insincerity, and pomegranates.
I love being in the rain because it stings, cleans, drenches.
I want to either die young or marry young, always have.
I try to walk everywhere I go so I can lose more weight.
I wish I remembered how to be happy.
Add me to the list of show horses who've kissed a gun
I'm tired of beeing the beaten one.
Sick of beeing the last man to run
I feel like eventually I'll amount to someone
But till that day I'm just a body.
My sports have become hobies
Sleeping in hotel lobies.
Giving gobbies for coins
There is no fruit in my loins
Just an ache that lies in the wake of my discrimination.
Acting alongside my procrastination
No longer will my forehead bead with
I have become a man that could disappoint a nation
"I've been doing so well," I type as I slide a thin silver blade down my hipbone. "I'm clean and I've been taking my medication and I've even been running." Blood gathers at the edges, draw swirls in the warmth.
Bright blue screen lights up my hopes and my heart does a flip.
"Can we talk later? I'm really tired."
"Of course! Sorry for keeping you up."
It's 3:49 in the fucking afternoon.
Remember when you were my best friend and you walked two miles to my house in the middle of the night because I told you I felt alone?
Remember when I was out of town for a day and you missed me so bad you bought me cupcakes?
Remember when you told me I was the only person you'd ever been in love with?
I'm so sorry.
I miss you.
Fuck you for being so far away
Fuck you for making me want you
I can say it certainly is not fair,
What is this, the fucking teacup ride?
I always hated the fair.
Fishing for plastic ducks and shooting impossible targets
Seems like a setup for failure to me.
Fuck you for making me take a look at myself in the mirror
And for making me ask questions
For making me lie
And for making me tell the truth.
Why can't things be easy?
Oh yeah, that's just not how it works around here.
Fuck you for making my imagination run wild.
For casting yourself in the movies my brain constantly films
And fuck you for getting the cinematography just right.
I can't look away.
Fuck you because all I have is my imagination.
I can make you whomever I want you to be.
Fuck you for curling your hair and for having those lips
And for being comfortable with yourself around me
Fuck your small wrists and your quirky characteristics
Your eyeliner and your fingernails
Fuck your sparkling smile and your hips
And fuck you for making me want you so bad.
Fuck me for yearning.
Fuck me for learning
That it's not that simple,
That nothing is set in stone,
That people are confusing as hell.
Fuck me for taking the time to write this poem
Fuck how angry it's making me
And fuck the fact that I'm writing it because of you.
Walls are melting
your ceilings third eye criss-crosses for eons before my eyes
and somewhere through the Nag Champa haze
I found your pulsating soul calling my name
without words our bodies meld into one another
My soul vibrating with your touch
my dead weight body coming alive with your kiss
our serpent tongues desperate for flesh
our ripened fruit ready for one another to grab a bite
My soul is whole
My flesh is flushed