Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
The Good Pussy Jan 2015

                             ****** Up
                        ****** Up ****
                       ****** Up **** U
                     p ****** Up  ****  U
                       ****** Up  ******
                       Up ****** Up ****
                       ****** Up  ******
                       Up ****** Up ****
                       ******  Up  ******
                       Up ****** Up ****
                       ******  Up  ******  
                       Up ****** Up ****
                       ******  Up  ******
                       Up  ****** Up ****
                       ******  Up  ******
                       Up ******  Up ****
            ****** Up                 ****** Up
      ****** Up ******     Up ****** Up
         ****** Up ****       U ****** Up
              ****** Up               **** U
*somehow that **** doesn't  look right.
*it's ****** up!  Hahahahaha.
Ishan sharma Oct 2014
It's a ****** up world
A ****** up place
Everybody's judged by their ****** up face
****** up dreams
****** up life
A ****** up kid
With a ****** up knife
****** up moms
And ****** up dads
It's a ****** up a cop
With a ****** up badge
****** up job
With ****** up pay
And a ****** up boss
Is a ****** up pain...
Its not a poem it is actually a song but still felt like sharing it..
Just Me Sep 2013
****** Up

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Not seen not heard not wanted
But that's just life isnt it?
People not caring

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Alone abused abandoned
Friends aren't there
Parents don't care

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Dejected deserted neglected
Living a lie
Begging to die

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Shattered crushed broken
Vitals failing
Everyone's bailing

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Exhausted ruined drained
Hopelessness surrounds her
Life is a blur

Just a ****** up girl with a ****** up life
Not seen not heard not wanted
But that's what life is isnt it?
People not caring
Cindy Long Sep 2015
A ****** up girl
In a ****** up time
With ****** up lyrics
And that ****** up rhyme
A ****** up fairytale
With a ****** up start
A ****** up prince
Holding a ****** up heart
A ****** up story
With a ****** up ending
A ****** up princess
Named ****** up Cindy.
-Cindy Long
Liz W Jan 2011
I ****** up, and I did it really badly
****** up good, although I love you madly
It was my own insecurities which drove me to it
I knew it was a bad idea, but I just didn’t give a ****
Sorry that I hurt you, left a path of destruction
I’d apologize again, but my brain is under construction
I know I ****** up, it was beyond my control
Wish I hadn’t ****** up because now I’m all alone

Should have known I would **** up, it’s been too long
My track record was clean, had to do something wrong
Don’t ask me why because I don’t have a reason
I tend to **** up everything, regardless of the season
I ****** it all up, no possibility of turning back now
I see the havoc I caused and looking back I don’t know how
I can’t tell you how bad I feel, you wouldn’t believe me
I ****** everything up, the way I always knew it would be

You probably knew I would **** up, I do it all the time
The potential was always there in the back of my mind
I held the **** up cards, and now they’ve all been played
And now I sit here useless, knowing why you wouldn’t stay
I’m not good at doing things the right way, just need to **** up
My once numb mind is burning, knowing that I cannot stop
Wish I could say it won’t happen again, that there was just no chance
But know I’m armed and waiting, to destroy the hope for romance

**** up this, and **** up that
****** it all up good
Never mind the pain or tears
Because I ****** up good
When I **** up it’s no surprise
It happens everyday
It would be nice to say that my
******* up has gone away
Lilah Dec 2018
We've all been raised in a
****** up world
With ****** up minds
I’m a ****** up girl

We’ve all been born to a
****** up race
With ****** up ideas
Coming at a ****** up pace

We’ve all seen this world as a
****** up thing
With ****** up people
Wearing ****** up rings

We all know how
****** up we are
But all we do
Is sit
And stare
At our phones
And think it will just go away
If we ignore it long enough

We’ll do this
Until the world ends
And we have no chance at stopping it
Because we are
A generation,
of aggravation.
No determination,
to save our nation.

Concentrate on one,
care about no one.
And it's just begun,
the era of one.

****** up is man,
and no one gives a ****,
about our ****** up plans,
we'll destroy all of man.

****** up is man,
and no one gives a ****,
about our ****** up plans,
we'll destroy all of man.

We're the gods of war,
our people beg for more.
Enticed by the gore,
our people must see more.

Created guns,
to **** everyone.
Everyone will run,
from our mighty guns.

****** up is man,
and no one gives a ****,
about our ****** up plans,
we'll destroy all of man.

****** up is man,
and no one gives a ****,
about our ****** up plans,
we'll destroy all of man.

Driven by needs,
we created machines.
They took our work,
and kicked us to the curb.

And while this goes on,
we destroy the Amazon.
Thinking we're not wrong,
this era won't last long.

****** up is man,
and no one gives a ****,
about our ****** up plans,
we'll destroy all of man.

****** up is man,
and no one gives a ****,
about our ****** up plans,
we'll destroy all of man.
Copyright Barry Pietrantonio
Hands Nov 2014
red you’re flowing red

your words came out like an overdose

dark gray bags and rags for clothes

black and gray and tones morose

red you’re flowing red

a ravenous cavern has eaten all our time

it felt so unkind

I lost my mind

horrible expectations—

lower them

everything drains away to the riverbed

lower then

everything remains hidden until said

lower then

everything flows out to the oceanic carpet

stomach somersault sea green

red you’re flowing red

gushing down to the gulley

you-you sound in a hurry

and complexion unsullied

wait, please wait for me

love isn’t a spectacle

feelings cannot be seen

looking over the shoulder, eyes narrowed,

hips locked in place

you call to me with a look of amusement and I can’t help but cringe

my spirit jumps out of my skin

I hope you like my body

I hope you remember my mind

I hope you know that I flattened on the floor

when you flicked me off your shoulder

and looked menacingly at the door

here I am

a cosmic ant

scurrying about with my feelers hanging low

shake it all off

pretend you aren’t a demon disguised as a simple ****

pretend you aren’t a newspaper clipping in the wind

a single-day story

filler on the news

speech in a bottle

drifting on the sea

a lonely dance hall made for people

to shake off empty flesh

in flakes of gold and steel and lead

what a waste

as it falls onto the floor,

flowing into the drain directly in the center

inch long nails digging in

just like we see on TV

I have to agree

it’s disgusting

but we all have to do it sometimes

****** in the car, whorechild

three years later and I’m ****** on the floor

I’m ****** on the sofa

I’m ****** on the futon

I’m ****** in a stranger’s bed every night

****** by nameless, faceless specters

of masculinity mixed with contempt

users and abusers who love to dissect

but only when *****.

well **** me I’m so tired of being ****** by everyone else

I’m ****** on the street

I’m ****** on the stairs

I’m ****** in the bathroom

I’m ****** in the air

I hang there

a modest bauble on the Christmas tree

no fancy lights lingering on my surface

only the darkness and me

build a house in the middle of the desert and fill it with water

open the door and it all gushes out

draining in tiny valleys and pathways carved from the silent sand

used-up little fool

empty vessel for a ghost

empty vases filled with dead tulips

and a sink filled with ***** water

sunlight has long since left

it’s so simple to see—

only the darkness and me.

this is socialization,

running to work

running to the store

running straight home

running out of places to run

distrust before you disguise the beggar

lying in a pavement grave meant

to be a home

slimy fingers sticking up there—



imagine a world without any *******

imagine a world that is free;

I am only filled more with hate

each time you penetrate

I lose a little more gold

a little more water

a little more spirit

a little more soul

each time you **** me

all I can see is red,

flowing red

draining in the stagnant pools of the narrow bed
all on the tiniest bed
PrttyBrd Apr 2018

and not in a clawing flesh, body convulsing, banging headboard kind of way

that kind of ****** I can rock the **** out of.

I am more the
twisted mess of forced misconception
enlightened by time innocence forgot
forced into a life guided by trust in the lies truth told

it's the end of life as I know it
that's the kind of ****** I am

I knew joy
it was based on trust in what was true

I knew love
it was built on that same foundation

So yes,
I am ******
this mess of **** crumbling to pebbles while blinding me in the dust of my own ignorance
is anything but blissful

and all I hear are the cries of beautiful dying
not that dying is beautiful, though it can be
but of the death of beautiful things
of things I found implicitly lovely
the painful dying of all I believed was good

I am so ****** sideways

protected by others
I can no longer say for certain who I am
or who I believe myself to be

****** hard and unrecognizable
***** into truth by the kindness of others

No more questions because I am ****** that way too
no one wants to hear their old news and ***** laundry

I knew love once
now all I love, I question
reliving my choices in reasons why
trying to piece together my life had I always known
trying to define how I love by my own definitions
and not by what I knew love to be
because that love never existed
only in my ******, shattered memory

So, hey
guess what
I used to love you
now it's tainted with yesterday's **** streaks

I'm still me
But boy
am I ******
Voice clip:.

copy link into address bar to listen
Hers Apr 2015
It was 6 am in the morning and the day before school started, which was sadly on a Monday. The sun had not yet risen about the dark horizon, and Victoria went off to her forest to run. She wouldn't be for long.

I took off after her and started running behind her. Her *** looked perfect in her tight, little running shorts and the rain helped me see through it. I asked her to slow down, but she didn't. She just kept on running. I asked her again but she just kept running faster and her *** kept on swaying.

I was going to have it.

I sprinted towards her, and pulled her by her hips up against me. I pushed her face down into the ground, pulled down her shorts, and started squeezing and feeling up her ***.

"What the ****? Get off me! GET THE ******* ME!"

I didn't listen. I pull her shirt down to pull out her nice ****.


I pushed up her shirt a bit, grabbed her hips, and started ******* Tori's *****.

"Shhhhhh know you like my huge ****..."

I started biting her neck and giving her a hickey.


Then I started kissing her while I pounded into her tight, wet *****.

"No, stop. Stop."

I force my tongue into her mouth and after a few more thrusts she began to tighten on my ****. I knew she was enjoying me inside her warm *****. It was so cold...

"MMMMMMMmmm...that's my good girl..."

I pounded harder and harder into her ***** as the rain fell onto our bare skin. I grabbed her **** too and rested on top of her as the pressure in my ***** begin to build. I knew I was ******* soon...

"Tori baby...this feels so ******* good...mmmm"

I slammed harder and harder into Victoria's ***** and then groaning right in her ear, I came deep inside her tight, warm *****.

"Shhhhh...just take it in baby...that's it...tighter baby...get all of my *** into your *****..."
"OH MY GOD Joe...mmmmmmmmmm..."

We laid there for 20 minutes, my **** and our *** in her *****, slowly dripping out on the forest floor.

I pulled her shorts up, now with my *** dripping inside them, and pulled her shirt back down. We got up, and slowly walked back up, but before she left, I smacked her *** really hard. She didn't the same pride around anymore. She knew she was mine.

She was going to be working at the theater. I came in, and lucky for me, it was her break.

"I know you have your break now. Let's go to your car."
"No, Joe. You took my virginity this morning. I'm not-"
"Yes, Victoria. You're going to be a good girl and show me where your car is."

She listened to me, and I grabbed her *** the entire way. Her car was parked in a nice, dark area where no one would be around.

"Unlock the car."
"Joe, you have a know...but-"
"Unlock the ******* car."

She did as I told her, and I forced her into the back seat with me. I undressed my girl, forced to undress me, and we went at it.

"Spread your legs"

I forced them apart and shove my tongue into her ***** as far as I could go. I swirled my tongue around and...

"OH MY GOD! OH MY ******-...**** **** **** JOE JOE JOOOOOOE!"

I groaned and moaned into her *****, and she slammed and grabbed everything in her reach. Victoria couldn't handle my mouth in her wet, hot *****.


She forced my head deep into her *****, and she came inside my mouth and forced me to swallow every drop.

"Oh my goooooooooood...baaaaaaaaabyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

Her head and eyes rolled back and her whole body collapsed into the seats.

I took her head, and eased my **** into her mouth. She dutifully ****** and moaned on my ****, ******* all over her **** and face in her backseat.

I ****** her *** for the next 3 hours and slapped and squeezed her *** as she screamed my name in the parking lot.

While she dosed off from our late night *******, I came inside of her and let our *** stain the backseat.

"kiss I'll see you tomorrow Tori baby ;)"

She feel asleep, naked and covered and full of my ***.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

The next day

English was first block. I ordered Victoria to sit with me, and even though she said no, she did anyway.
When the teacher left to do an oral exam with another kid, and the other kids were reading, I started ******* my baby and motioned for her to go down on me.

"Joe, no. You've already forced me to ******* yesterday. But you-"

I was tired of her talk. I forced her head down on my **** and started facefuck her as quiet as I could.

I was tired of sitting, so I took her to the back where no one sat, and face ****** her there. I pulled my pants down and weaved my fingers through her soft, beautiful hair as she tried to make me ***.

I felt like I was on top of the world.

"Oh yeah baby...**** nice and fast...mmmmmmm"

No one heard us, but I didn't care if they did, Tori was deepthroating me.

Finally, as the bell rang loud, I came in her mouth as quickly as I could, she licked my tip, pulled up my pants, and we went behind everyone else.

No one the wiser.

Second block, same thing, but this she sat her pretty *** on my lap with her skirt on. And everyone else was so busy, they never noticed Tori riding me, the sound of me and her smacking together, and my hands beneath her shirt, grabbing her ****.

She moaned and panted and came with me the entire block. We were having the time of our lives ******* in math class.

Third block, gym...
We were suppose to practice CPR with our partners (I insisted I have Tori), but instead I ****** Tori behind some curtains even though she insisted I stop.

While everyone else was busy playing dodgeball the rest of the block, Tori was pushed up against a wall with my **** forced up her ***** from behind and screaming her head off.


I ****** her brains out, slapped her *** as hard as I could, and screamed in her ear as I ****** her *****


We had gym for the rest of the school day, and I even got to **** her in detention after we had been "unexcused absent".

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I took the bus home with her, and after tutoring her in math at her house in her room, I locked her bedroom door, and ****** her some more.

"Joe, please. I've done everything you've asked."
"No,'re mine....forever"

I ****** her *** as she shouted "NO!" in a pillow; naked in her own room. She went quiet after a while, and just took my slamming, and pounding and ******* like a good little girl.

Our *** mixed with every ******, and was replace with our new *** every time we came together on her bed. Everything was wet, and whole room smelled like us ******* and *******. It was heaven.

We walked downstairs into the living room, and found out that her family was leaving for the rest of the week for okracoke. The house was going to snowed-in because of a sudden blizzard coming tomorrow, and Tori knew she couldn't escape me...

"No, no no no no!"

She ran for the front door. I ****** her *** on the couch, while she tried pushing me away. After I came on her ***, she ran for the front door and ran to the front porch. She fell on the ground and tried to crawl away from me.

I pulled her by her legs to me, pulled down her pants, and ****** her right in front of her house in the pitch black.

I ****** her for hours and hours and hours. We came all over each other and in each other.

Finally, Victoria said to me...

"Joe, I'll be your *** slave......I give up baby....please just don't stop ******* my *****."

After that...
We enjoyed two weeks of being home alone, ******* any time and any where.

Victoria was and still is
My good ***** girl

Sheila M King Jun 2016
I'm too ****** up can't fix me now
Not sure I would even know how
Probably wouldn't change if I could
Too bad to want to be good
Head strong and stuck in my ways
Natural born rebel...Can't do as they say
Too wrong trying to be right
Rather sleep in the woods any night
Then fall asleep in the presence of men
Shiesty disguised as your friends
I'm too ****** up and far to lost
Too much time passed; my blackened soul rots
Too ****** up to ever be found
No hope for my Gypsy won't slow down
They say I'll never settle in
I'm too ****** up; I've always been
Born and raised in old school ways
I miss how it was those days
I'm ****** up but so's the rest of this world
Not simple like when I was a little girl
So I'm okay with my ****** up self
Rather be me than anyone else
I am okay; Forgiven my sins
I am at peace with the life I've lived
A few regrets yet they taught me alot
Lucky to have the ones I've still got
Angels watched over me all my life
Sent as friends I met over time
Though their wings tattered and torn
Still Angels to this ****** up girl
To far gone to wanna go home-
This life the only life I know
I'm not right but I'm right enough
Can't fix me now; I like to be ****** up
always anxious Oct 2014
I've been thinking for a while
I'm stuck in this stupid riot
I no longer know where i belong
Starving for a week gaining it back
Eating for a week and getting dangerously thin...
I'm ****** up
I ****** up
I'm ******
I ******
I can barely fven talk seems like i'm stuck
I wrote this back in July;
I was going to leave it private due to "personal discretion,"
but I feel that allowing it to be openly read will be good.
I've posted and taken down this poem a couple times,
but this time I'mma leave it up for they who are interested.
If physical ******* closeness
equates to you Peace of Mind,
then go **** them all, ******,
and I hope it ******* works.

Though, ******, I think you'll find,
there won't be Peace of ******* Mind
unless the person you tend to ****
is the person you tenderly ******* love;

I know it can be ******* nice
to just be close and ****,
but even then, a simple ****
is never ******* simple.

I respect your ******* right to chose
to **** without a thought of your ******* "love"
but it is that it was so ******* easy
that makes it hurt so ******* much.

While I'm sorry to be writing this,
I know ******* well I shouldn't be.
It's as if you embarked on the Path of Revenge
without the foresight to first dig two Graves.
I'm not going to ******* dwell and brood;
I'm going to express my ******-for mood:

While I appreciate your ******-up honesty,
and don't mean to make you regret it;
you ******* had an opportunity to chose,
and you sure made your ******* choice!

You ****** it up.
You ****** him.
You ****** her.
You said you didn't know why,
but you sure ******* did it anyway.

I forgave you twice, ******.
You wanted me mad at you.
Then, you ****** him and
got what you wanted.
******* two.

Don't you regret it?
If you somehow didn't,
I bet you ******* do now.
You've made your choice,
now live with the consequences.

You've ******* sickened me.
Third time's a charm.
Maybe it's a ******-up Karma
for how we got together;
"I don't do this kind of thing"-
*******! It's become a trend!

Maybe I should have gone and ****** my ex, too,
the day before our friends' wedding
without even a ******* thought of you, Love.
What a Lover you proved to be!
Congratulations, you ******* sickened me.

You don't have to say you're sorry,
I know you are; if you have a heart.

I respected you.
I trusted you.
You ******* disappoint me;
maybe you're better off this way:

So, I wish you the best of ******* luck
with whomsoever it is you decide to ****,
but, being hit yet again by that emotional truck,
this time it's yourself who you can go and ****.

[Stop and Breathe]

I do still ******* love you,
though I don't ******* know why.
That's what makes it hurt so much;
it makes me sort-of want to die.

**** this feeling,
and ******* for leading me to it.

I do still love you,
though I don't ******* know why.
I will try not to hold it against you,
I will try to rise above such a Grudge.
[Stop and Breathe]

**** this feeling
and ******* for making it so real.

I do still love you.
[Stop and Breathe]
You don't have to say sorry.
Just be sorry
for a minute.

You are young.
You have things to experience
and lessons to learn.
You need to be free.
You need time.
Live for now.

I, too, am young,
I have things to experience
and lessons to learn.
I need to be free.
I need time.
Live for now.

We are all young.
We all have things to experience
and lessons to learn.
We all need time.
Live for now.

I'm happy I get to help you, I'm sorry it can hurt.
I truly mean no harm; I seek Catharsis.

Catharsis is a form of Self-Discipline;
to be able to be there for your self;
to not **** it up for someone else just because you're peeved.
To outlet things constructively,
if sometimes offensively,
in order to further your self
and your self-understanding.

I do still love you,
for what it's still worth.

Maybe after the tides have changed
after the ******* firestorm of pain has subsided,
we can try again to hang out
but, I must say, I wouldn't hold my breath;
John Feb 2013
I told myself
To think before I acted
But I didn't
Now I wish it all away
I threw myself
On a ****** slab
I told myself
That you would be gentle
But now I'm bleeding
Like they were bleeding
And I can't seem to stitch up my wounds

I've ****** up
And I'm about to fall
I've ****** up
And now I'm falling
I've ****** up
And I've fallen
I've ****** up
And I can't get up
I've ****** up
Because I fell for you
Harry J Baxter Apr 2013
I know that my life
became something else
something unwanted
like a teenage pregnancy,
coming out of high school
they would have said
that boy has so much potential
very smart,
highly actualized,

the only thing is,
about the same time I moved out
my parents decided
that my thirteen year old brother
wasn't worth pretending for anymore
they split
like a banana based dessert
and left me
and the three of my brothers
asking questions
our basis for true love
was fragmented
like a cartoon broken heart
and the pieces were too small to pick up,

so now here I am
no job
and no higher learning
to speak of
clinging to the words
which rush around inside of me
I've come to the realization,
there are no ****** up kids
only ****** up parents
and poor kids
who are left to
reestablish a basis
for love and life
I apologize for the angst, blame the liquor.
I live in the absence of presence
proximity filled by emptiness
I look for a god in the machine
but the schematics are held by noncompliant fingers
tightly clutching my rightful deeds
and pointing in the opposite direction.

I’m alive so I feel compelled to live but don’t know how
so when I want to have a night I’ll never forget
I get ****** up
and when I have a night I never want to remember
I get even more ****** up
I think I’m having a good time
but my memory is pretty ****** up.

But something shines through my ****** up memories
a vision of when we first met
you asked me, “What are you up to?”
I misheard you and responded, “Yeah, I’m ****** up too.”
then we talked about this ****** up zoo
and how we could help each other through.

The connection we develop engenders nightmares
I have two kinds of ****** dreams
the ones where I have *** with people I don’t want
bizarre **** like relatives and ghosts
even ghost relatives—and relative ghosts
those dreams can get pretty ****** up
but the dreams where I’m with the people I want
are factored by the power of two
and are exponentially more ****** up.

The dreams become fantasies I can’t reconcile with reality
burying me in insecurity
thinking what keeps me alive is impossible to hold onto like air
I keep wildly grasping in desperate futility
suffocating in deprivation
until eventually I can’t feel anything anymore.

You notice my weakness and attack
you’re a vampire bat
echolocating past relationships you enjoyed more
I tell you you ****** up
and now must slum with a *** instead of number one.

I keep eating up your batshit insanity
contracting your coronavirus
I just want to sleep
I feel like I’m going to die
your fever dreams are sweat submerged stress nightmares
once I start drowning I try to scream
but all that escapes me are the bubbles I live in
they float on the surface, eventually popping.

You keep calling me a clown
so I joke you can juggle my *****
with dismissive sarcasm you respond I should try stand-up
but that’s already what I’m doing
you tell me to jump off a cliff
but I already have
exasperated, you scream I should literally **** myself
but I already write of my own death every night.

You separate from me like a head from a neck
after the noose that tied us together severed our connection
I fell to the ground and realized I was still alive
and started downplaying the bounty on my head
which seems much larger when one sees it on a wanted poster.

I’m not looking for a person
I’m searching for a feeling people are capable of delivering
I don’t care where I find it as long as I do
people often ask me if I’m more attracted to men or women
I find the question somewhat annoying and I’d rather not answer
but if you forced me to choose by putting a gun to my head
that might turn me on even more.
Myranda Earl Oct 2015
1.You tasted of smoke
And it fogged my vision.
Seven years distance

2. I thought you were edgy
but it turns out that you were
into younger girls

3. Gingers were my thing
but the taste of vinegar
was too revolting

4.You were everything
but you killed our unborn child
I still loved you

4. You always said stuff
that you never meant to keep
You taught me to lie

4. You were a *** head
and not a very calm one
you made me fear ****

4. there are so many
different things i could say
but i buried you

5. I only ****** you
as revenge against four
you kept falling out

6. Four cheated on me
so I ****** you at a party
that we both were at

7. We ****** in the trees
in the middle of the town
I just layed there quiet

8. We didn't have ***
you just fingered me and left
but you still ****** me

9.You were just a fling
but it felt like you loved me
it lasted a month

10. You were my best friend
it should have remained that way
you were a father.

11. I don't remember
your name or the taste you left
i think you threw up

12. we only had ***
because I was a wing man
you had great music

13. You were the dorm plug
And the first black guy to see
me completely ****

14. the only thing i
remember is your brown eyes
I hate that color

15. You got me so drunk
And you promised me breakfast
My name was Skrillex

16. the haiku form is
of an appropriate length
to describe this ****

17. We had a three way
you me and my disorder
Bipolar ***** hard.

18. You weren't attractive
but just enough alcohol
and you were okay.

19. Really don't recall
I think it was Halloween
I was too ****** up

20. I told you no ***
So you asked me out instead
I was so lonely

21. It took twenty one.
twenty one times to **** up
I found perfection.
Aiko oller Jul 2013
I've ****** up,
friends of mine
no longer close.

I've ****** up,
Got through high school
drunk off my ego
of a man who
thought he was better
that all the rest.

I've ****** up,
old love potentials
no longer close
to me, but
instead thrown away,
never to feel their lust again.

I've ****** up,
help me find
a way out
of this *******
I've dug myself into.
Bunhead17 Nov 2013
Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit
Feeling lit, feeling light, 2 AM, summer night
Hands on the wheel, uhh, **** that

Life for me is just **** and brews
See the hoes flock to you when your name is Q
Am I over-faded? Hell yeah it's true
Turn a beat on, ain't no limit to what I can do
See this Top Dawg in heat, but I'm a **** the world
I'mma be on tunes 'til God re-furls
You sat me down, I'm still tryna get higher
You looked at me stupid when I twisted the fire
Meanwhile my ***** drunk as ****
A ***** ****** up, we all ****** up
You done ****** up, I brought more blunts
Smoke back to up, you ****** know what's up
Too **** high, can't stand myself
I love drunk driving, man I'm something else
Heat on my side, you're more than welcome to melt
I'm 'bout to finish a pound, you're more welcome to help

**** and brews, **** and brews
Life for me is just **** and brews
I ****** her once, then I could **** her twice
Yeah, you heard me right, I might **** tonight

Wait hold up, back in this *******' ***** once again
It's the pretty ******* with a 40 ounce of brew
My ***** Q and we drunker than a *****
We gettin' millis ******* yeah, uh
***** **** and brews, unbelieveable
Got a freak or two, in my vehicle
Got the purple drink, got the yellow drink
Then we mix it up, call it Pikachu
With a little bit of crack, little bit of dope
Little bit of smoke, little coke
Little ****, when they on them pills
Little bit of E, little bit of shrooms
Little bit of deuce, what it do, hand on the wheels
And I keep the illest, trillest ******* while I'm swaggin' it
Crush a bit, little bit, that's my pursuit of happiness

If I ****** her once, then I could **** her twice
If I ****** her twice, I might change her life
If I change her life she might hit my ****
We could have a some and we could round it off with three
Her, Mary, and me, I'll keep it strictly G
My philosophy upon living right
***** **** and brews, and head every night
Hope the ***** nice, cause I'mma fight the *****
Beat it down and ****, I be clowning with
Black Hippy crew, how swag am I
Be the reason why, she wanna drown my ****
But I soon realized, she was super dry
No paper planes, the Vegas will fly
Don't act surprised, too much Loc inside
Let's get stupid high, to where I can't reply
Love smokin' dope, I won't compromise
Lyrics to ''Hands on the Wheel" by A.$.A.P rocky ft. Schoolboy Q
grace Nov 2015
I met you
I love you
I'm ******
I haven't had enough
I'm ******
I'll never grow tired of you
I'm ******
I'll never leave
unless you want me to
I'm ******
I love you
I'm ******
you love me right back,
I'm ******
I think of a future with you
Gabby K Nov 2015
When I think of rain I think of you
And the night that it all began
The thundering dismantling of everything that was once

The overpowering hymn of the rain
Crashing onto the hood of your pickup
I’m gripping you firmly up against
And as my cries crack into the air
Striking you right there
Making your feelings

You really did it this time.
You ****** up because
I ****** up because
You ****** up because
I ****** up because
You ****** up because
I ****** up because
You ****** up because
Who started it?
I can’t remember and it doesn’t matter but
It's easier to say
YOU ****** up .

Everything ceases
And in a flash
I am melting into you
And I only smell the sweet spirit of fresh grass
And the damp cotton bonding to your shoulders
And your breath pressed against mine
And the harmony of

That hot spring storm
Was the day have melted a little too far.
We became a flood.
And we drowned in
© Gabby K 10/27/2015 Kinda drunk and didn't edit this whoops
Hers May 2015
So I went to the movies one Saturday all alone and by myself. I thought I would have another boring weekend...guess not...

I bought my ticket, went on in, and entered the theater. Bought some popcorn and a drink from this hot girl at concession. "Tori" was her name.

Now, I'm a peaceful kinda guy, try to respect girls, and I'm not all that crazy about girls like some guys are...but holy ******* **** was this girl hot.

I stared at her **** when she smiled at me and I looked down at her *****...

"...Hello, sir?"
"Oh, sorry, name's Joe, I just think you''re..."
"I'm what?"
"You're really beautiful...and hot..."
"Oh...Thank you :* You're not so bad yourself and..."

She stared at my muscles and even down at my ****. She could see how hard I big I was...

"Oh my god...", She mouthed with shaky breath

I handed her the money.

"I'll see ya later hot stuff ;)", I smirked

She turned away to hide her blushing face. Though I could see her stunning eyes no more, I looked at her ***...I won't even start talking about how perfect Tori's *** is.

I finally go to my movie...

Except no one else was there.

I thought, "Geez, I know the movie got bad reviews but seriously? Wow..."

I took a seat in the very back on the left side and started munchin' on my popcorn.

30 minutes in, Tori comes up with a red glowstick and is shocked too that no one's here.

I say to her, "I freakin' love this movie! Why anyone would hate it is beyond me."

She replied, "I know! People are stupid sometimes."

She came up to the back and sat next to me.

"Popcorn?", I asked
"Sure, thanks Joe :)"
" a boyfriend?"
"Nah, I'm single"
"Ooooh...ever had ***?"
"Uuuum...none of your"

I knew I had to claim her as mine
I had to **** Tori
She was too hot and I couldn't let her go

I asked her, "Hey, who is that down the stairs?"
"Uuuuuuh...I don't know...let me see..."

She got up, her *** in full view...

"Joe, I don't see-"

I pushed her to the ground with me
Turned her around
Put my knee on her back
Took of my belt
And tried to put her hands behind her

"Joe, what the ****! Get off me"
"No, now put your hands behind you"
"NO! GET THE ******* ME"

I slapped her *** as hard as I could
She winced in pain

"OW! JOE, NO!"

I slapped her *** hard again
And kept slapping it

"OK OK!"

She gave up and put her hands behind her. I tied her hands up nice and tight with my belt.

I pulled her up on her knees and made her look the other way for a second.

She said, "What are you gonna do now? Kidnap-"

I was naked in full view in front of her with my hard, huge **** right in her face


Her mouth was wide open....

I was gentle at all from the beginning...

I push my fingers through her soft hair as I thrusted my huge **** into her little, hot mouth as hard and as fast as I could

"**** **** ****"
"OH YEAH BABY! ******* ******* ****!"

She tried to bite me but I was making her gag too much, which felt ******* great, so she couldn't really

There I was
Forcing my **** down
Tori's unwilling mouth and throat
Forcing her head down
While she tried to pull her head back
In the middle of a movie
I knew now no one would come to

She was helpless
She was mine

**** **** **** ****

She moaned in disapproval but that just made my **** feel better

With one final ******, I pushed all 6 inches of my huge, long **** into her little, warm mouth

And I came down Tori's throat

She refused to swallow my ***
So it filled her entire mouth

I wanted her to swallow all my ***
So I said, "You know, you can't spit it out because I'm all the way in your mouth. Your only choice is to swallow it all like a good, little girl. Otherwise, you won't be able to breathe."

After a whole minute of waiting, she swallowed it all in one big gulp down her throat and into her tummy. I pulled out slowly...

"You *******. I would kick your *** right now if I could." She said
"Oh, don't worry, Tori. You'll learn to love my *** soon enough..."
"You know what? **** yo-"

I forced my **** down her throat again
And thrusted as hard as I could ;)

Her ******* and moaning made me wild as she finally obeyed me. I let my hands free from her head as she just kept on ******* my ****.

"Tori....mmmmm...look at me...look up here...****"

She kept ******* and moaning but didn't look up, so I made her gag until she did.

"LOOK AT ME. Look into my eyes when you **** me off"

She obeyed and I let her continue ******* freely.

When I was about to ***, I pulled out the sanctuary of her mouth and tongue, pulled back her head, and told her to open her mouth with her tongue out.

She obeyed and I came into her mouth, on her forehead and cheeks and lips and nose, and on the top of her **** and even on her shirt.

"You ruined my ******* shirt! Joe, you-"

I pushed her on the ground on her back and ripped her pants, literally, off.

"Joe...what are you doing?"

Her pants and shoes were no more and all I could see was her beautiful, big nice *** in front of me

I forced her face into the cold, hard floor and made her *** stick up in the air for me.

"Joe...please....oh god please don't...i beg you don't....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

I ****** her ***** and slammed into her nice *** as I grabbed her hips.



I ****** her like an animal. In and out. In and out. My ***** smacking against her **** and her *** cushioning my hips as I pounded into her without mercy filled the hall.

I forced myself into her tightening ***** one last time and I came with everything inside me into Tori's *****.

She just replied with, "OH MY GOD! I'M *******! **** I'M *******!"

Our *** mixed together and dripped out of her ***** and dripped loudly onto the floor

I snuck her into the break room and got her another pair of her pants. I snuck her outside on her break and then took her to her car.

We got in the driver's seat and she sat down on my ***-covered **** with no other choice but to put it inside her

"Mmmmmmmm, Tori"
"Joe, please let me go. Please just-"

I started ******* her as she straddled me. I teased her **** as I was reclined back in the driver's seat.

I ripped off her shirt and we were now both naked, in her car, without her approval.

We ****** like rabbits and came all over my lap and her seat. She only responded to my deep kisses with "mmmmmmmmm"

I ****** her rough for the rest of the day in the changing room of Victoria's Secret for the next 5 hours until she had to go home.

When she had to go, she was **** near passed out but repeating softly, "Thank you, Joe. Thank you. Thank you, baby. Thank you."

I kissed her forehead and she went home.

Where I ****** her too...

But that's a story for another day ;)
boyboygirl Feb 2014
79 cacoons

Landed on leather rocks.

Brieanna, you still ******.


I felt you.
I, felt, You.
Before I even met you.
I had dreamed of you since the 90's
and never known it;
Through episodes of byker grove and Dawson's Creek,
I longed to be the rebel in the story,
and we would ******* into the sunset.

I felt you
In every GCSE and A-level result;
Elation and deflation of achievement,
which led to me to feel the same
in kissing one boy, whilst dating another,
like I was tasting ying-yang in my mouth
pretending it was double dip; sweet and sour,
and realising I never much liked sweets anyway.

I felt, you,
From the take-off at MCR
through the greyhound at NYC central station,
to the VIA rail stop at SBURY.
I felt you in the air of the smoking car,
in the hard ******* in the train toilets,
to falling in love with a twist I was never meant to curl.
And 10yrs later I can still tell you what that tasted like.

I felt you.
In every dance move I learnt to attract a beneficial gaze.
In each time my lover ****** me and left me.
When I was lost in textbooks
and I fell in love with the wrong type of girl;
And as she drowned me in champagne, and I ****** her with my eyes,
I felt, I was a fool for, you.

I felt you,
Each time the make-up *** started,
to when the bruises began to heal;
To when I walked away and became the hunter,
with my tequila shot eyes casting a weary bedroom glaze.
I felt you as I licked each shot glass clean through,
and put on my moves, snorted a line of gunpowder,
and ****** to the beat of the dance.

I felt you,
In every ***** I kissed,
Knelt on my knees, watching the time,
as ***, sweat and spit filled my mouth and nose,
and I thought thank god for that, when it was over,
and I got to light a cigarette,.
I felt you,
As she whispered, panting and hoarse,
'no-one's ever ****** me that good'

I felt you.
As I brought the girl home for the first time,
and she threw red wine round the flat
and ****** me like it was my birthday on the 4th of July whilst celebrating Holi.
She ******* made me that night.
She was ******, and she still tasted like water after getting lost in the desert.
In the red wine we drank, I felt you,
from the seed, to the sun, to the water, to the grape,
as you fell dripping down my throat.

I. Felt. You.
The first time a man undressed
in front of me and I blushed,
whilst running my tongue across my teeth, tasting lust and my heartbeat.
I felt you in each ******, each stare that wanted to slap me for *******, then **** me harder each time; in each bead of sweat that would be licked from my body, to the way I was smelt, to the look in his eyes
and each cup of tea we drank copiously throughout the night.
I felt you as a power was unleashed and surged throughout my body and mind in cruise control.

I felt you.
In everything I ever wanted in my teenage rebel dreams.
In everything I ever wanted in learning the bitter sweet crescendo of taste
In everything I ever wanted in a worldwide love affair.
In everything I ever wanted in a 5yr cocktail world with a dancing girl
In everything I ever learnt from a hidden bruise
In everything I ever wanted in salt, lime and a gunfight, stalking my prey
In everything I ever licked, ******, devoured and became a karmic bruise on my heart
In everything I ever found in the never-ending well of love and heartbreak
In everything I ever learnt about loving something that was broken.

I know this.
I felt it as you kissed me,
and I felt you move
like the universe was between us, within us
and we were joined once more,
by a lip's caress.
decompoetry Sep 2010
Maybe we’re all better off dead,
I ponder, as the thoughts replay
again and again throughout my head.

And when your ponderings can’t focus
long enough to match with the last,
you have to wonder if perhaps
you’re already completely ******.

****** of thought,
****** of fresh ideas,
****** of it all.

So **** it all.

— the motto of a thousand deluded slugs,
bugs lathered in slime; thoroughly spattered
with imbalanced chemicals of an imagined time,
                      ­             and I couldn’t agree more.

Head pounding
at the insensible drum roll
of the closing in
overwhelming mass
of dull hysterics;
the ever present drone …
                      I can hear it …
                                 I can’t bear it …

destroying me from the inside out
                     until I
                                      a sickness
infecting all pure stars reflecting
across a lake
by a thick oil
lucidly pleasing the spoiled,

and      I’m         thrown
          right in the
                a­ slow
                          melancholic pace,

like quicksand you’ll never understand,
a liquid so intolerably bland,
I’ll be relieved when my lungs finally
                                                         ­    collapse
to this long awaited lapse
of closure.

Do not try to grab my hand.
I wouldn’t even know what to do
with dry land if I had it.
Let me dissolve with the fallen;
I’m already deeper in
than I am out, anyway.

My interest has long since faded.
Can’t relocate purpose for the Word,
for I am ever bored, and you can feel
rest assured there is nothing more.

No ingenious plan for escape.
No story-arch that hasn’t already been repeated.
No conclusion that I can’t predict.
No two-faced intentions that won’t contradict
all the reasons I used to enjoy those creative seasons,

and I can feel the decomposing treason
chilling my heart to its core,
like a rancid breeze stirred just for me.

Left with no purpose, no drive;
on the inside, I’m not even alive.
Oliver Twist Feb 2014
its bittersweet
but he's so rotten.
I just miss love.
The feeling
not the place and time.
Not HIM.
but just... the thought.
The feel.
at times
all the time..
wondering if I'll see you again
not knowing if I want to.
Just set me back
just pull me down.
into that HOLE.
Remember the one you dug?
When you ****** the whole trust thing
and ****** some one else.
It really ****** with my head
and ****** up my heart.
You keep saying how its sad..
that I cry every day

but I've come to terms with that
and it doesn't change a thing.
Lola Jun 2018
I’m really ****** up you know
Sometimes I just think about that
I’ve spent so much time in the dark
Surrounded by nothing but my own demons
And everything I feared
I went mad
Not the crazy, shrieking type of mad
The quiet type of mad
The one that stares blankly
When inside their heads all they hear is screaming

I’m really ****** up you know
I spent so much time being punished
For no reason
Just because it was the will of the wicked
And so I came to expect it
And I became so **** afraid

I’m really ****** up you know
It’s like I’m drowning oh so slowly
I gasp for breathe and I think I can survive
But the next wave comes and pulls me under
And I am surrounded by all the water that suffocated me before
So I’m sorry if I cry
And you just can’t understand why I’m so afraid
Because you don’t know
You can’t imagine what I am

I’m really ****** up you know
So when you hear my story
When I trust you with my pain
Don’t look at me and wonder why I dig my nails into my palm
Don’t wonder why my knuckles are ****** and bruised
Because you don’t understand
Pain is my only constant
The only thing that hasn’t left me

I’m really ****** up you know
But I’m not destroyed
Because although I have suffered every punishment that the world could throw
I’m still here
I hope you realised what that means
I hope you know how much easier it would have been to give up and fade away
And how tempted I was
Because I wasn’t strong
And I just couldn’t cope with a constant onslaught of loneliness and misery

I’m really ****** up you know
But when you see me smile
Don’t doubt my story
But weep with joy for me
Because the simple smile that you see is nothing short of a miracle
And if you could see everything I have been through
You would know how ****** up I am
But you would be surprised that I’m alive
And you might even say
That I deserve to smile
Julia Betancourt Dec 2017
i stopped hanging out with my friends after the hook ups went around in a cycle. first, it started small. the same voice every week. it was always, "he texted me and asked me to hook up". melancholy out of not-giving-a-**** and not condescension like she'd hoped it was so it wouldn't seem like she was overdoing it, the rest of us would say "no way, again?"

every week. then eventually the rest of them got the same text. and they'd start overdoing it, too.

my first thoughts were, "gee, we can't even ask people to **** in person anymore." but then i thought, how do you do that if you aren't in love with them?


i stopped hanging out with my friends after the hook ups went around in a cycle at parties. apparently, it's easy. first they broke the ice (when the term "hook up" just meant making out) with some attractive other of the opposite ***- or same ***, i really don't give a **** about that, either- and it'd be really special because they weren't just kissing one person, they were kissing ten. all of the others before. i found that lovely.

then after a few parties, they'd mature. ready for the next best thing, the next BIG thing, the thing that made you interesting. next it was "hey, let's **** in this bed that two or three or seven other people just ****** in while we listen to a melting *** of drunk and high teenagers scream and stumble to the worst music on the floor below us". i found that lovely.


i stopped hanging out with my friends after they thought they were acting so rebellious by drinking when no parents were home. i won't lie to you, i had a few sips. but it tasted like ****. so i offered it to one of them after i had about down to the very first brim of the top of the red solo cup. so naturally, she took it, gulping three times before she pulled the cup away from her mouth and in between laughs i heard "i'm an alcoholic". i looked her dead in her face as the cup went back to her mouth, a slight laugh saying "you're not an alcoholic", but i was already done laughing by the time she did, overdoing it, again.


i stopped hanging out with my friends after i realized they didn't know what being an alcoholic meant. i judged as they waited until five minutes after mommy and daddy were gone to crack open their super risky Mike's Hard, Bud Light and Twisted Tea. i judged the flavors. i kept thinking, "you know it tastes like ****, that's nothing close to what lemonade tastes like, have you TASTED lemonade??"


i stopped hanging out with my friends after it was clear they'd never ******* tell each other why they ****** each other off. most times they were smiling way too much. overdoing it, again. i thought, "you're seventeen and you can't tell people how you feel but you can **** in a bed that two or three or seven other people just ****** in with a hook up that's not really one but ten."


i stopped hanging out with my friends after playing Cards Against Humanity a few times and i realized i felt they were more ****** up than the cards.

it was pretty bad. and their answers were really ****** up. the sentence would say The greatest thing to happen in history is and their answer would be The Holocaust. they were ****** up for sure. but by the fifth week i didn't need the cards to think so.


i stopped hanging out with my friends after they all started dressing the same. it was like being surrounded by mirrors with different faces, all that so badly wanted to reflect the other. being atypical i started to feel typical just by sitting in between them. they stared at each other the whole time and after awhile it was like they couldn't see me because i was the only one who dressed different.


i stopped hanging out with my friends after my anxiety started ******* me every time i was with them. the voice on my left said "go home if you don't like them" while the one on my right said "you *****, if you weren't so boring you could have a few drinks and get fUUccckkIIINNGGG LIIITTT, DUUDDEEE".


i stopped hanging out with my friends after i realized i ******* hated every single one of them. i hated their culture. i hated that they couldn't say anything interesting unless they were drunk or high and even then their ideas weren't good enough. i hated that they never thought about the universe or art or how it's really ******* fascinating that the earth's lungs are trees and we're its cancer. i hated that their consistent use of alcohol got boring for me. i hated the alcohol. i hated their lack of originality. i hated the videos where i could hear them saying "hey, blow your vape into my camera". i hated the voice in their head that told them that it was a cool idea. i hated their perception. i hated how they always had to worry about everybody else's perceptions. i hated how they always agreed with everybody else's perceptions. i hated what they payed attention to. i hated that they payed more attention to who said the most but did the least. i hated that they started doing the least. i hated their values. i hated that they valued nothing. i hated that they got more than what they gave because they always gave nothing. i hated that they depressed me. i hated that i was too depressing for them. i hated that i couldn't share my thoughts for the sake of not being too serious all of the time. i hated their blank personalities. i hated that their personalities started fusing together until all that was left was one big blank personality. i hated that they were so easy going. i hated that they'd never stand for something. i hated that they were so easy going that they never had an opinion. i hated that i was alone. i hated that i was alone because none of them thought like me. i hated the way they thought. i hated their thought because they never thought it through. i hated their vibration. i hated that they made me feel singular when we'd sit around a fire. i hated their singularity. i hated that at most times i was surrounded by empty bodies with no brain. i hated that they never used their brain. i hated that i hated my brain because they never used their brain. i hated their culture. i hate their culture.

i gave up on their culture.
Please master can I touch your cheeck
please master can I kneel at  your feet
please master can I loosen your blue pants
please master can I gaze at your golden haired belly
please master can I have your thighs bare to my eyes
please master can I take off my clothes below your chair
please master can I can I kiss your ankles and soul
please master can I touch lips to your hard muscle hairless thigh
please master can I lay my ear pressed to your stomach
please master can I wrap my arms around your white ***
please master can I lick your groin gurled with blond soft fur
please master can I touch my tongue to your rosy *******
please master may I pass my face to your *****,
please master order me down on the floor,
please master tell me to lick your thick shaft
please master put your rough hands on my bald hairy skull
please master press my mouth to your *****-heart
please master press my face into your belly, pull me slowly strong thumbed
till your dumb hardness fills my throat to the base
till I swallow and taste your delicate flesh-hot ***** barrel veined Please
Mater push my shoulders away and stare in my eyes, & make me bend over
        the table
please master grab my thighs and lift my *** to your waist
please master your hand's rough stroke on my neck your palm down to my
please master push me, my feet on chairs, till my hole feels the breath of
        your spit and your thumb stroke
please master make my say Please Master **** me now Please
Master grease my ***** and hairmouth with sweet vaselines
please master stroke your shaft with white creams
please master touch your **** head to my wrinkled self-hole
please master push it in gently, your elbows enwrapped round my breast
your arms passing down to my belly, my ***** you touch w/ your fingers
please master shove it in me a little, a little, a little,
please master sink your droor thing down my behind
& please master make me wiggle my rear to eat up the ***** trunk
till my asshalfs cuddle your thighs, my back bent over,
till I'm alone sticking out, your sword stuck throbbing in me
please master pull out and slowly roll onto the bottom
please master lunge it again, and withdraw the tip
please please master **** me again with your self, please **** me Please
Master drive down till it hurts me the softness the
Softness please master make love to my ***, give body to center, & **** me
        for good like a girl,
tenderly clasp me please master I take me to thee,
& drive in my belly your selfsame sweet heat-rood
you fingered in solitude Denver or Brooklyn or ****** in a maiden in Paris
please master drive me thy vehicle, body of love drops, sweat ****
body of tenderness, Give me your dogh **** faster
please master make me go moan on the table
Go moan O please master do **** me like that
in your rhythm thrill-plunge & pull-back-bounce & push down
till I loosen my ******* a dog on the table yelping with terror delight to be
Please master call me a dog, an *** beast, a wet *******,
& **** me more violent, my eyes hid with your palms round my skull
& plunge down in a brutal hard lash thru soft drip-fish
& throb thru five seconds to spurt out your ***** heat
over & over, bamming it in while I cry out your name I do love you
please Master.

                                        May 1968
Charlie Chirico Feb 2013
“It’s three in the morning. Are you drunk?” Larry asked me. “No, I just had to talk to someone and couldn’t think of anyone else,” I replied with desperation. “Can’t this wait until the morning, dude?” Larry asked, “I have to get up in six hours for work.” He sounded angry, but mostly tired so I pressed on. “No, this can’t wait, seriously. I’m sorry, but this is urgent.”

“Okay, what’s wrong that you had to wake me up?” Larry asked, and I was ready to talk. I was ready to talk until I couldn’t utter another word. I was distraught and scared. Larry was my best friend, and I knew he’d listen. I wasn’t sure if he could give me the right advice, but I knew he’d listen.

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Try the beginning. Come on, man. It’s too late for this.”

“Alright, but have a little bit of patience.”

“Yeah, just start talking before I hang up.”

“Okay, I ****** up,” I replied and paused for a response, but Larry didn’t respond so I pressed on.

“I got off work at ten and had to close the store. My manager was in a tight spot and left me with the keys,” I said, took a breath, and continued,”I was kind of ******* when he asked me to do it, but he said he had no other choice. He even offered to give me an extra day off with pay.”

“So what’s the problem?” Larry asked.

“The problem is what I did before I left.”

“And that is?”

“Well, I was getting the store all shut up. I let most of the employees go, and I left one cashier with me so I didn’t have to run around like a maniac. There weren’t any problems, so I locked up and got ready to count down the last till so I could get the hell out of there.”

“Can you speed this up, man? I’m falling asleep,” Larry said impatiently.

“Sorry, so I count down the last till and leave it by the register. I let the last cashier go for the night and locked the door. I go back to the register and grab the till so I could put it in the office and start the deposit. My manager left me instructions for the closing procedures and the combo to the safe. I counted everything and wrapped the deposit so it could be taken to the bank in the morning. I followed the instructions perfectly.”

“So what’s the problem then?”

I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. I was having trouble finishing my story, and even though I paused I knew Larry wouldn’t hang up. He wasn’t the kind of guy that would let a story go unfinished. The only problem was that I didn’t know how to get to the next part of the story. I was like a comedian without a punchline. It was hard enough to make the phone call to Larry, let alone get this far into the story. But I did wake him up, so the least I could do was finish my story.

“Are you there?” Larry asked.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just having trouble explaining this.”

“Take a breath. Just breathe and try to start again,” Larry said with a comforting tone.

“I left with it,” I said. I was being vague on purpose so Larry would ask me what I meant instead of me telling him. And that’s exactly what he did. “You left with what?” He said sounding confused.

“I left with the deposit and everything else in the safe,” I said in a hurried tone.

“You did what?” Larry said sounding confused as if he heard me wrong.

“I left with everything. I took all the money and locked up.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I robbed my store and left. It was an impulse. I don’t know why I did it, but I did. I ****** up.”

“I hope you’re joking,” Larry said.

“I’m not joking. I just up and left with everything,” I said.

“What the **** were you thinking? How much did you take?”

“I wasn’t thinking, man. I took everything, which was a little over ten grand.”

“This isn’t good. What the ****, dude. This is bad, really really bad.”

“I know, but I don’t know what to do. That’s why I called you,” I said, sounding more desperate than when Larry had first picked up the phone.

“What do you want me to say? You just called me at three in the morning to tell me you robbed your store for a **** load of money. This is beyond a **** up, man. Where are you?”

“I’m out front of your place.”

“What? How long have you been here?” Larry asked. He sounded like he was shocked to hear me say that, but deep down I knew he understood. I didn’t know what else to do, and he was the only person I could turn to. He might not of agreed with what I did, but he would help me through anything. Whether that be good or bad; he would be there for support.

“I’ve been here since I called you. I didn’t know what to do. I’m freaking out. Like beyond freaking out. I’m so ******, man. I am absolutely ******.”

“Alright, first off get the hell inside. I’m unlocking the door now,” Larry said and hung up. I closed my phone and shut the engine to my car. I still sat in my car with my head on the steering wheel. I was emotionally drained and knew the night wasn’t over. My night was only going to get worse, and facing Larry was going to drain me. Larry knew how to give that look of disappointment only a parent could give. He wouldn’t belittle me, but the look in his eyes would be enough to make me feel small. It was already past the point of no return with Larry. I had to face him now, and he was waiting for me. I lifted my head up and rubbed my eyes. The light on his front porch was on when I lifted my head. So I got out of my car, locked it, and made my way up to his house. The door was open a crack and I stepped inside and locked it behind me. Larry’s foyer led to the kitchen, and the light was on. He was in the kitchen waiting for me.

“Is that you?” Larry yelled from the kitchen.


“In the kitchen. I just put on a *** of coffee.”

The ten second walk to the kitchen felt infinite. My legs were shaky, along with the rest of my body. I was more nervous about seeing Larry than I was about the consequences that were to follow my recklessness. I turned the corner into the kitchen to find Larry sitting at his kitchen table, staring at the coffee ***.

“Hey,” I said, being at a loss for words.

“Sit down. The coffee is almost done.”

“Okay, I think I might need a cup.”

“You and me both, bud.”

Larry and I both stared at the coffee ***. He was waiting for the coffee to finish. I was hypnotized by the drip. In a weird way it was calming and gave me time to think. I’m not sure if Larry ever took the time to glance at me, as I was only fixated on the drip. I didn’t want it to end for a few reasons. Not only was it calming, but it also prolonged the inevitable: Our conversation.

“What do you want?” Larry asked.


“What do you want in your coffee?”

“Oh, just a little cream and a little sugar.”

Larry fixed two cups of coffee and placed a cup in front of me. He took his seat and sipped his coffee. He didn’t say anything, and I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to speak. Before I could he cleared his throat.

“What the **** were you thinking?” He asked, as only a friend could when you make a mistake.

“I wasn’t thinking.”

“Yeah, you said that, but what could possibly make you do something like that. Really, what the **** were you thinking?”

“I don’t know. I just did it, and it didn’t cross my mind until I left and set the alarm. At that time I couldn’t do anything. I already took the money and left. I couldn’t go back in the store without sounding the alarm.”

“You set the alarm. You couldn’t just go back in and shut it off?” Larry pressed.

“No, I couldn’t. There are two different codes for closing and opening. I told you it was last minute, and my manager only gave me the code to close up.” I said in all honesty.

“You couldn’t of just put the money back and let the alarm go off? I’m sure they wouldn’t of been ****** about the alarm going off. It wasn’t your responsibility in the first place to be closing the store.” Larry said, making a valid point.

“I didn’t think about that, and I told you I was freaking. I thought I was already ****** so I left. I just got in my car and got out of there. I didn’t know where to go so I drove around for a few hours, and I didn’t want to go home so I called you.”

“Yeah, well thanks for that,” Larry said sarcastically.

“I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry, really I am.”

“No you’re not. If you were sorry you would of turned yourself in.”

“Are you serious? The last place I want to be is in jail.”

“Well you should of thought about that before you committed grand larceny.”

“What do I do then? What can I do?” I asked

“For right now just enjoy your coffee. Go pour another cup and relax. I’m going to call my work and call out. There is no way I’m going to make it in after all of this ******* you brought me.”

“I’m sorry, Larry. Really, I am truly sorry.”

“Just relax, there’s nothing you can do now.” Larry said. He got up and left the room. I also got up and poured another cup of coffee. He was right, I needed to relax and just stay calm. There was nothing else I could do, and freaking out was not going to help. I sat back down, took a sip of my coffee, and rested my head in my hands. It was the most at ease I’ve been the whole night. This is why I turned to Larry. He knew how to calm me down and was my only true friend. He always had my best interest at hand, and I loved him for that.

Ten minutes later Larry returned and sat back down. He took a sip of his coffee and spit it back in the cup. “I hate cold coffee,” Larry said and got up to pour another cup. “What are you thinking about?” He asked. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t respond. Although I was calmer my mind was still racing. It felt like my head was going to explode. Thankfully it didn’t, but it sure felt like it.

“What do you think you’re going to do? Larry asked

“I’m not sure yet. I think I might just take off. What else can I do? I can’t go to jail.” I replied through my strained throat. Larry didn’t say anything. His back was faced to me as he poured another cup of coffee. “I can’t.”

“You can’t what?” He asked.

“I can’t go to jail.”

“Okay, so then what? You’re just going to flee? Just get up and go?”

“Yeah, that is the only thing that seems plausible right now.”

“You don’t expect me to go with you, do you?”

“No, not at all. This is my mess.”

“You’re **** right it is,” Larry said sounding angry for the first time.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing to me. You have no reason to say sorry to me.”

“You’re right. I think I should just go,” I said

“Where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t wait around. I have to do something. And I should leave before anyone gets to the store to see the safe empty. What time is it?”

“It’s quarter after six.”

“Okay, the store opens in almost two hours. I should get going soon if I’m going to be out of the state before someone gets there.”

“Okay, if that’s what you think you got to do. Have another cup and calm down before you leave.” Larry suggested.

“Okay,” I said, accepting his offer.

I got up and walked to the coffee *** to make my last cup of coffee before I left. I knew I had to get going, but I wanted to make this last cup of coffee last. This would be the last time I would see Larry. And after all, he was my best friend. I would have many regrets when I was gone, so I tried to make this last encounter last as long as I could.

As I was pouring my last cup Larry’s doorbell rang. I looked back in a hurry and Larry put his hand on my shoulder. “Relax, it’s my neighbor. He comes over early on Tuesdays. He’s an older guy that comes over for coffee. He’s lonely and his wife passed recently. It’s the least I can do.” Larry said, and made his way to his front door. I sat back down and put my head in my hands again. The two cups of coffee I drank had me jittery. I sat and waited for Larry to return with his neighbor. When he came back in I would leave and be on my way. I had no choice, and I had to be leaving as soon as possible anyway. I didn’t need to intrude while he had company. I just rested my head, and I heard footsteps. Larry was on his way back in the kitchen, and I’d be on my way out.

A hand rested on my shoulder. I still kept my head in my hands.

“Mr. Kofta?”

I looked up and nearly fell off my chair.

“I’m Officer Shandie, and I’m going to need you to come with us.”

There were three police officers in Larry’s kitchen, and Larry was standing right beside them. He looked at me in disappointment, like only a parent can look at their child. Officer Shandie pulled me up and put my hands behind my back. He cuffed me and led me to the front of the house. All of the police officers followed, along with Larry. I was being put into the back of the police cruiser when Larry stopped them and spoke up.

“I can’t keep bailing you out. You’re not running from this mistake.”

Larry stepped aside as I was put in the back of the car. The door was shut, and my fate was sealed. Officer Shandie got in the cruiser and backed out of Larry’s driveway.

The only similarity Larry and I had that night was when I leaving to be taken to the police station. We both had our heads down.
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I'm tired.

Tired of you

and the **** you keep texting me.

Tired of the many excuses

& all yo threats **** yo *** funny.

Tired of how you assume so much,

shut the **** up.

Everything ain't about you,

her,  them or him.

Most of times it's

I ******* feel like writing.

I'm tired of how you
still try to dictate to me,

******* please
YO *** ain't mines.

When I left you,
it was over your lies,
cheating, your mental,
physical plus emotion abuse,

oh wait don't forget your deceitfulness,
your decorum of begin
a unscrupulous
sorry excuse of a man,

Yo *** tried it calling me
a  N...,
over 4 times.

I bet yo  wanna be
"Italian" ***

liked all this "N!"
did fo you...

Member I was with yo ***
when you were broken,
homeless, penniless
even toothless,
yo *** still toothless,
and  you were still
trying to be a player boo!

You tried to blame me for all
the ****** off **** you've done to me,

but like I been told you
when you begged me back

"all I wanted back
then from you was
money & ****"

No one used you- you played ya **** self,

call me user, gold-digger it's not gon help.

I stopped being in love with you long ago,

I know you seen it when Yo *** tried it,

I been told you- don't put yo

motha ******* hands on me,

you had to finally find out the hard way,

told you stay the **** outta my face,

you screaming loudly in my ear,

trying to scare me


I'm from Brooklyn- fighting meant
some days we got to eat!

You thought because
of what the Arab dude

did to me I'd be scare of

" you",

even at his ****** off worst

that motha ****** -the best at abuse

was 10xs better than you.

You say you want me back,

then flip out cause

I'm not interested,
not when you've still be on some kid level ****!

claimed you want to help,
when I need some money,
you think you slick,
helping a few times, claimed as a friend
then saying I have to be yo woman,
your just a sorry *** liar,
I no longer need that
little once a month $200 dollars,
naw man like I been told you,
I'm not for sell & you you will
never own me.

You once, well a few times told me
I was your property,

I find it funny,

how I belong to you when
I'm my own woman?

You then say I used you but how is it possible

when since I left you I told you upfront son

all I wanted was yo **** & some money,

Now ***** you say and ****,

you called me that

through out our sorry ***
3 year relationship,

I'll be a ***** & a ****

**** I don't give a ****,

"My truth"
is you was
the only one I used to ****

oh wait your warped mind
you say making love,
but you don't know the meaning of love.
I know the differences

and trust me or don't but

you got ok ****  just it ain't
that back breaking- making
love type ****,

it never was,

sorry boo, you only
know how to ****,




**** up a good time and **** up the world

your just **** up and ****** off with your

insults and lame words

put me down it doesn't hurt no mo,

I know I'm better off t
hen ever again being yo girl.

Believe what ever you like

long as we just say good-bye

as the song goes


long as we ain't doing
this no more.

I could care less,

claim I'll never change

but the only who hasn't
gotten help or changed in
the slightest is you and I'm not
yo door mat,

I'm not what you need

try a straightjacket

long as you go do
that **** the ****

away from me.

Yo *** hate to see me
happy even when

I was with you,

your a miserable
type of person,

and a lonely, sad ****,

a 45 year old fool.

Last time we was together

I couldn't wait to be rid of you,

ya just annoying now,

always trying to manipulate
your rules & dictations,

or get your own way,
trying to force yourself

into my life

ya always trying to be spiteful,
plus hurtful

even to ya own father
& that **** was over a bike...

not a motorcycle,
a ****** off pedal bike!

These are all the reasons
why I left you,

but you can tell em all you left me

it doesn't matter cuz at the end of the day

I'm finally happy

being on my own, no accusations, ridicule,

abuse or any other ****** off problems

from you,

and while I'm happy weather

for a moment or a lifetime

I'll live it up & do as I ******* please.

I'm so tired of this same old thing,

comforting you, explaining literally

every single thing

having to always justify myself to you,

the **** are you?

You don't deserve a answer

so MIND YO ******* business man!

This is my life & that of my children

& I'm a do as I **** well please!

if you were a good person in general,

treated me like a man should

things would of been so completely different,

The problem ain't me

as I used to believe,

it's you and I'm

I'm tried,


(you'll never be good or good to me)

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
I been dealing with a person who takes anything I write on Hello-poetry in a literal sense no matter when,what, who and/or where  my idea's , thought or whatever comes from when I write, this dude assumes its about someone else and or about him, then texts me and cusses me out ,puts me down etc, im like so what if i write let me write  who the hell is he to dictate my poems real or not real true or not true  weather of my life or fantasy, anyhow fact is, 1 he aint my man 2 he stalking me online and off and im done, we broke up long ago and well the poem finally says it all, so HP friends forgive me as I rant.... pray for me, my girls & me are  moving to KY soon, so I will be better off out of NM and soon! my kids don't need this or to see me stressed over an ex one who isn't their father or kin and this is just tiring , im a student and it seems i am just wrong for bettering my life n that of my kids since it aint got anything to do with him im wrong, got a retraining order too and he still harasses me so im done as i said. this ends now! thanks for reading and hope to write about better things soon! 1 luv yall! Always Me Ayeshah
Hawk Flight May 2014
I ****** up
I ****** up

I used once more
after swearing up and down
I would never touch the stuff again

In a moment of weakness
IN a moment of pure agony
I got out my white powder
and did my old routine

I'm sorry Kaitlyn
I'm sorry Panda
I'm sorry Arianna
I'm sorry Sofia

Please dont get mad
I ****** up
I know I did
I'll try harder next time
I used again. ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry guys

— The End —