i went through
and made them
it'll be easier
to feel better
to feel free
i have no more poems
about the good times
for the bad times
i feel freer
although i am sad
my most popular poem
it is for the best
i am freer
if you noticed my number of poems drop down randomly in the past two days, that is because i deleted all my poems about my manipulative ex
i was going to leave them up as a testament to our time together (unsurprisingly, a lot of those poems were actually quite negative). I am usually unafraid of the past but my poems about her made me cringe whenever I saw them. I deleted them to make me feel better.
Went to the old park
Just after a month's break,
But the park is renewed
With even the faces of visitors changed.
The complete make over it had got,
All new gym machinery in place,
It's used to be kids park but now all age group throng it plenty.
The place is busy as bee,
People waiting in que,
For the exercise is a thought
That has already made it's mark.
Now with feeling to get fit
People walk and jog
Cycle and abs crunches
Crowd is becoming young and sound.
I like to be here in morning and in evening,
I have made friends here,
I like to smile and spread joy,
With different groups that I meet here.
Mornings are of oldies and freer people,
Evening are younger more like me,
But I fit in both..
Morning I walk and listen to news,
Evening I watch my kids become smarter...
A visit to the park
rejuvenate my mood,
Just like a cup of perfectly
brewed latte coffee...!!
Sparkle In Wisdom
A light hearted piece to just relax.
My dreams awake to the taste of rust
coppery flavours that eroded all trust
a child's sweeter mind strives to find
a soothe to unlock to free to unbind
history hurling rocks at my tired head
all the years unfolding a sleepless bed
escape routes blocked frozen clocks
the tock the tick backwards knocks
It's brutal this night colder than rest
it's harder this one, a tougher test
cold deep mud dragging me down
cloying my skin peeled by sick clown
his knife runs thru warm blood cold skin
this cold dark hell he has me trapped in
if I could just prise open sleeping eyes
if I could only stifle his laugh to my cries
if I could run thru him faster than light
if only I could've fought with my might
maybe I'd be freer than this cold dark
maybe it'd lighten my heart left stark
J.C. honey-assassin 04/06/2019.
That I have been so worried of the blue sky and its impossible return. Have I forgotten of the splendors of the night. I keep to myself this humor and gossip. Seeking out the tabloids of my mind. Paranormal are the long walks with sound in my ears and street set alive with light. Entire plays fully staged in my blind. Researched the movement of strangers with all their own clamor. Sat out the words of greeting to passers-by. One day this night will end and the thoughts will slowly pass from me. It is a requirement that I step beyond my doors to flee from the impending. Knowing deep down the creature comforts are not a sin but an alienation of my joy. Now a prisoner of dissociation like me is enslaved by what I think is freer. Over dramatic as it might be I am well aware. What spoiled lows I have been raised. Many gutters and glassy gazes. Your feet are dragging between the grasses. So this is how life reacts. Exactly as I dream. Control the alternative in me and delete it. Refute the muses whispers and sterilize it in the road. Even though the thought is terminal. The fortuity of memories will serve. Love the younger parts of you. In the fields, we go. For some time I walk the winding ways when under wonders haze. "Enter this wild wood and view the haunts of nature".
The significance of every start. The words traced in the sand swallowed by the shore encrypted lake. Sever the seven crossings. From the first letter, I have ever sent.
Inscription for the Entrance to a Wood inspired this. It was written by: William Cullen Bryant
The inscription is on a bridge very very nearby in Milwaukee, the inspiration for this. I hope you enjoy.
is the squeeze of death
like a baby chick getting mauled
by the hands holding it
it’s downy feathers cover fragile bones
that can snap by the impact of a love
these hands have crushed the life
out of most of what they hold
these fingers are bars that choke as
cheap cigars. If only I could spread them
out as petals so they’d be a freer, wider
surface to land I’m sure this love would expand
Does a paintbrush try and press itself? Or a fisherman cast to feel his own strength?
Likewise, does a moon know when its been idealized by the idealistic pen? Again and again.
Can you see through the colors of your own eyes? Or hear the kissing secrets of the wind on its lovers lips?
No, thankfully not.
And in choosing can you pull thought from mind? With an ease which sets you free to be taller than trees and freer than snow.
Sadly it is with me, when I say no.
How much fun it was to watch this one twist and turn. Yup.
When time loses its hold
do you choose a new father
Free of place and all station
even freer from blame
Your mother is now
and your mother forever
But your father is a choice
much more than a name
Do you wrestle in torment
as he calls out to you timeless
Beyond the past and the future
—where you forever remain
(Villanova Pennsylvania: June, 2016)
Dear Friend, it has been long, how do you do?
The season's turn, are lonely for you gone
No doubt you have some tales of Love, of fun
But distance turns my heart from red to blue
Lady, belle, beau babe, you are a light
Of majesty towards which I must fly
For you are dancing in a freer sky
Than that which cloaks me in the darkling night
The devil haunt and topple my sky which
Brilliant, bright with dreams, by tortures crushed
But when with you the memory of him hushed
For you bring Love, for you superior witch
For you I beget sweet and tender psalms
Would regale thee hours long with drams
Let's see the world from Tokyo to Amsterdam
Be forever happy, forever young
At Heart, never such a passion sung
By saints or angels from illustrious tongue
what are they doing to you?
i would love to say it gets better but
my memory is too spotty to remember
and i’m not really an expert on this sort of thing.
hard to tell you it gets better
when everything’s gonna get so much worse first
when the water’s at your knees but soon it’ll be closing over your head
but the tide will wash away,
we are the world’s trickiest
combination lock and
i’m still struggling to figure out the code.
lord knows you have no idea how to unpack yourself now
but you’re pulling and pulling –
please just know:
it’s okay to leave it be.
i know your life moves like a bullet train
but it’s okay to figure yourself out slow.
just enjoy yourself.
love the idea of your first girlfriend even though you don’t love the girl herself,
remember your first kiss, because lord knows I’ve forgotten near all of it
take your time, babe.
one day these scattered pieces will click together and
relief will pour over you like your 2014 ice bucket challenge
but for know,
even if you’re not sure how that is yet.
be raw and unfiltered and
like girls or boys or everyone or no one or
stand up to your friends and tell them that for god’s sake you don’t know,
cut your hair and wear uniform pants and
when your classmates laugh at you for looking boyish
if you do nothing else
savor the freedom of knowing nothing of who you are
because knowledge comes with expectations
and you will never be freer than you are now.
my little boy?
with your name that doesn’t fit quite right and
body that’s never matched up,
right now you
are the king of the social studies club
wear that crown with honor.
I knew you before I knew myself.
Before I had truly become myself.
You were always there,
a mere thought in the back of my mind.
I never noticed how much I relied
on seeing your trusting eyes to keep me going,
I still think of you sometimes,
how I clung onto you like a lifeline.
How I never should have done that,
I wasn’t yours to fix
I'm no ones to fix but myself
I have to STOP relying so much
On the breathing of others to save me
I know now that's why you left
Its the only thing I can think of
I think I'm better now
But more aware of who I was before
Less selfish maybe
More scared though
My words still get stuck in my throat
A locking door, deadbolted
But s o m e t i m e s,
Sometimes I can pick the lock
Its never unlocked for long though
I miss you
I don’t know if I’ve ever missed anyone more
I miss you so much sometimes
I know I shouldn’t
But I thought I could have loved you
And I can’t let that go yet
I don’t hear your name anymore
Unless I’m the one to say it
It doesn’t hurt to say anymore
More of an empty ache
One day I know I won’t need to mention
Want to mention you
One day it won’t still hurt that you left me
Because you did
Refusing to explain
Why didn’t you just tell me
I would have tried to be better
I am better
It took longer than it should of
But no one was telling me what I was doing wrong
Instead, people just left
Why do people always leave
I don’t think I can handle someone else leaving
I need to be perfect
I want to be perfect
I’m not perfect
In any way
I’ll never be perfect
And that’s why people leave
And I just have to deal with it
I have to learn to read the minds of the ones I lost
The ones who left without even a goodbye
Is it because I’m too sad?
Someone said that to me once
That I was too sad
and that it was my fault that they left
That I made them leave
How did I make them leave?
All I wanted was them to stay
I wanted to better for them
Why didn’t they tell me I was wrong?
It's hard to fix your brain when you don’t know what's broken
When you can feel something wrong
but you can’t find the issue
The virus that poisons me
Reaching into my head
Filling it with hatred
I don’t want to hate
I want to love
And be loved
And I want people to STop leaving
But they never do
People never stop leaving
Some days I want to be left behind
Maybe if I fold into myself
If I leave people first
Then it won’t hurt as bad
But I don’t want to
I want to be happy
Not happy like
A pill that lasts only a few hours
I want my happiness to replaced my sadness
My sadness to replace my happiness let them switch out
Live each other's lives for a while
Maybe then I can learn to be myself
young man, heed no lies
For your heart is still
vulnerable for deeper hatred.
It won't change a thing if you overthink.
Don't break your character,
Better to be blind-like
than be happy for being untrue.
Be freer in your dreams
Though, collect your nightmares
Everyone is afraid of something
To grow up and be a man
cities glow and blur beneath my feet;
if I was your telescope, you'd watch
until the night took away your stars.
If you were free, the trees would be still but
tethered we are to the push and the pull
water in my lungs (wash me clean)
fill me with salt, I will erode into the sand
nothing goes before anything.
Tie my wrists to my ankles (untie my shoelaces)
the waves know something
the planets may be waiting us out
we are tethered like birds;
no freer nor more trapped than the sand
pulling away, drifting back
and back; and pulling back toward (away from?) something
someone is standing
somewhere between thought and being;
I am a million flowers that bloom & die all at once;
the earth explodes, harvests, repeats
It is not a mistake.
It is not calculated.
"Definition. - undefined"
Darkness is not the mere absence of light,
but an entity in&of itself.
— The End —