"fook" poems
"Werewolves Of London"
I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for the place called Lee ** Fook's
Going to get a big dish of beef chow mein
Werewolves of London
If you hear him howling around your kitchen door
Better not let him in
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
Werewolves of London again
Werewolves of London
He's the hairy handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
Better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim
I'd like to meet his tailor
Werewolves of London
Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen
Doing the werewolves of London
I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen
Doing the werewolves of London
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
His hair was perfect
Werewolves of London again
Draw blood
Sep 28, 2015
Sep 28, 2015 at 2:56 PM UTC
surferrrs earrrr ya im deaf
had alotta hearing but noww not much left
i got da surferss earrrr ya it suckss
all da **** u's an little *****
I can't hear no mo oh no no
yell in my ear an ya betta talk slow
i cant hear no mo
Oct 31, 2013
Oct 31, 2013 at 1:25 PM UTC
Boots 'n' ca-ts! 'n' boots 'n' ca-ts! 'n' boots 'n' ca-ts! 'n' boots 'n' ca-ts!
Boo boot ca-t boo-padoopa ca-ts, boo boot ca-t boo-padoopa ca-ts.
Boot chewy-skir-ts, boot chewy-skir-ts, boot chewy-skir-to-skir-to-to-to skir-ts.
Boo-ts, ca-ts boot-to-to-to ca-ts, boo-ts, ca-ts boot-to-to-to ca-ts,
boo-ts, ca-t ca-t to-to-to ca-t, boots ca-t ca-t to-to-to cat to-to-to
Book a took a cat, book a **** a took a ca-t, book a took a cat, book a **** a took a **** a took a...
Mar 26, 2014
Mar 26, 2014 at 10:33 PM UTC
Dad!!!
Where can I buy a fridge freezer, I'm hearing things that can't be real.
Dads head now spinning, can't fathom why so asks the question why oh why?
Why because your mum has two and when I left one was new.
No it's not for me its for my friend, because her daddy upt and left
The first time in months she touched my heart because she showed she cared allot
So daddy asked what's it all about and his heart sank at how she cared for a friend she hardly knew as yet
Her mum works hard all the time and can't afford to get one now
She works all day on the farm and I want to get her one ok?
So what does a dad say to that when he finally sees behind his daughters mask
She has a heart and god its big, so I guess I need to find a fridge!
So asked about and favours called to find a fridge for Dherrans mum!
Off to Woolton and back again, we have one and I'm feeling great.
Four weeks later I still have one and no contact with Dherrans mum!!
Calls and texts and no reply! Oh how I've tried
So Emily tonights the night I'll leave it in your friends drive.
So off I popped and knock knock knock and eyes like saucers looking back!
I'm now sure I've got it wrong the house the number the whole shabbang
Who's this bloke and *** I'm in me onsie oh my god!
Introductions and no idea who or why he is here!
I'm Emilys dad well that fell flat, but dont I know you anyhow?
After deduction better than Sherlock Holmes he showed his badge it all came clear thank **** for that the fridge is here!!!
Fridge inside and cups of tea and laughter filled the air with glee
Talk of art and Shakespeare to a pleasant change from a Thursdays gloom
Then time to go and say goodnight, I rather liked the onsie sight!!!
So there's the tale and simple enough..
Don't underestimate a childs love
x
Mar 11, 2014
Mar 11, 2014 at 2:28 PM UTC
Oh hello Poetry dot com
You bring joy to my words
Clarity to my mind
You bring peace to my soul
Calmness to my heart
An avenue to release
Earlier in the day,
As am the log
Stuck in the mud
Still broken and torn
Still beaten and shaken
But I feel
The grey clouds lessen
The rain lightens
So, Sun, COME ON, SHINE THROUGH will you ?!
Give me light
Grant me LIFE
**** this **** AND GET THE **** UP WILL YOU ?!
Feb 12, 2015
Feb 12, 2015 at 7:47 AM UTC
Don’t need my ‘full English’ served
On a giant rectangular slab
Don’t need a dressed salad garnish
With my bacon, sausage and egg
Don’t need vine-on cherry tomatoes
Give me canned ones in juice instead
And though I’ve scoured this ridiculous slab
Can I **** find a slice of fried bread?!
And where is my builder’s tea?
English breakfast or Earl Grey’s the choice
But cutlery won’t stand up in either
I want Tetley’s, nowt else will suffice
Oh, what has happened
To the greasy spoon?
This ‘N8 Brunch’
Is loony tunes
10 of my squid
For two brittle half rashers
That crumble to dust
When faced with my gnashers
One measly egg
Yet a goblet of beans
Presented as if made
Of priceless things
Resplendent on said slab
In a vessel all of their own
Yet still I detest these things
And deign to leave them alone
And every cuppa you have
Costs an additional fee
No bottomless beverages here
No meal deal where your tipple is free
This wasn’t always the case
But gentrification is setting in
Prices soar, pretension is rife
Poshification of everything
I love London toon
Particularly Crouch End
But I’m northern at heart
And it drives me round the bend
When I’m being ripped off
Taken for a ride
Fleeced and shafted
Hung out and dried
If I pop down the road
To N22
A tenner will buy
Double the amount of food
Might not look as pretty
Might not be as ‘posh’
But at least it’s value for money
Not like detonating your dosh
Middey’s by name
****** by nature
The tiniest of fry ups
Leaves me cold by temperature
A sprinkling of rocket
Is an utter abomination
On a British institution
I can’t afford at this rate of inflation
So b***ocks to the balsamic
You sprinkled on those leaves
That didn’t belong there in the first place
Desist in future, please!
Dispense with the vegetation
The slab that should be a plate
And reinstate the greasy spoon
In my beautiful N8.
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 2:45 PM UTC
Words are at our command to express meanings as we see fit.
In censoring words we are no longer in command of them,
but they are of us.
Feb 27, 2021
Feb 27, 2021 at 3:16 PM UTC