i'm just a fked up gal in a fked up world,
just tryin to get by everyday workin a,
fked up job,
with a fked up boss,
prayin on her knees for a raise,
beggin, 'please please please'
with her fked up boss sayin
'no no no-no-no-oooh~'

i'm just a fked up gal in a fked up world,
tryin to get by everyday livin in a,
fked up society with a fked up sobriety
drinkin away my pain till it's gone,
but boy that aint never enough~

the coppers got me clocked at 102,
racing those lines till i'm seeing,
nuthin but the flashin of the red n the blue,
got me goin on a dui,
cuffed in the back of a cruiser,
while i'm still black in my eye,

i'm just a,
fked up gal,
in a fked up world,
livin live in my stripes,
starin out them bars,
tellin myself every fked up lie,
just to get through another fked up day,
wearin my black and my whites,
eatin my fked up way,
to an early fked up grave,

the guards have got me,
hooked on that fked up ice,
snitchin on the rats,
watchin my every fked up move,
makin sure they aint commin after me,
with fked up shanks and fked up bats,

i'm just a fked up gal in a fked up world,
livin her life doped on fire and gasoline,
prayin the next fked up day,
the fked up inmates with their fked up ways,
takes her fked up life away,

death has got me,
on my knees beggin through my fked up teeth,
hearin my every fked up plea,
'i dont wanna be that fked up gal livin in this fked up world',
smilin away while i'm livin through this fked up hell,
rottin away in that fked up cell,

gimme a chance, gimme a sign, i'll do anything,
(anything),
to see your fked up light,
follow that fked up path,
get away from all the fked up things i did,
just to make another fked up dime,

i was a fked up gal,
livin in a fked up world,
but now i'm not a sinner,
now i'm not a saint,
not that ***** no more,
drinkin my hell away,
fk that **** cuz no more i aint,

i was a,
fked up gal,
in a fked up world,
livin a fked up lie,

but now imma
**** fine gal,
in a **** fine world,
and **** my life,
if i aint livin my best
then i'll sure as **** try.

& I think maybe that’s what’s fked me up the most
The people that have hurt me the most were those that were close

& those that didn’t care
Smiled, acted polite & shared
Their fake, crowd pleasing personas
with me

Smile to my face, then vanish into black
Only to text back
Months later

Oh sorry, it’s been hectic
I’ve been soo busy
Finding myself
Far away from you
But would you like to come out for a brew
Perhaps

Meanwhile the people that tell me they love me
The people that tell me they’ve always had MY best interests in mind while they themselves made decisions that affected me
Without me

Leaving me for my own good
Staying away from me for my own good
Telling me that I’m too good
For them

& which one is better
Really
Which one is worse
Or more real
Is anything real..
Anymore?

All I know is that I’m tired of the ****
This technological abyss
Where people can come & go as they please
Eternally

IT’S NOT OKAY
I will not come out to play
I will not twirl & dance for you
Every time you want to wind me up

For old times sake
So you can recreate
A distant memory of former bliss
What is this?

But utter confusion
You’re delusioned
If you think I’ll ever spin near your orbit again  
& no we can’t “stay friends”

For fks sake
Just leave me be

All you can do is lie, on a burnt bridge.  
Had cried never again, but now your off feeling good once again.
Return only to cry in a ball in the bottom of my shower.
Asking for help because truthfully I care.
Voices tell me Forgiveness will come in clarity.
Self love will be true prosperity.
Look up again and understand.
I'm struggling in the same boat too and will never be considered normal again.
only holding fked up stories and looking at the old knife scars on my chest.