Its almost been another year
Of excruciating pain endured
Once again
No one realized my fear

I thought you'd always be there
But without you knowing
What happened in my world
You left me out in the cold

Tanya, you were always my number one
That's the one thing I thought you knew for life
Yet, when my world came crumbling down
You left my side without me knowing why

Still sitting in the dark
I lost All my old friends
Never knew getting clean would be this hard
I'm going through hectic changes
All coming from inside

I came to pta
And lost another friend
I was left on the side of the road
With no where to go
No one to phone

Dixon drove by
he felt like my little angel
Tears rolling down my face
He held me close and arranged a hotel

Funny how life turns out
He saved me that night
Even arranged my flight
Going back to PE now
To start my new life

"Kneel My ****!"

He can't be serious she thinks to herself

"I said kneel *****"
"I am not your **** nor am I a *****"

He grabs hold of my hair twisting it hard

I try my best to stay standing not wanting to yield

He pulls my face to His, lips touch in a bruising kiss
His hands caress my body playing it until it burns with need

"NO! I can't do this", is covered by His lips overcoming the objections

He continues to touch and caress turning my flesh molten
His hands seem to know my body better than I

"I, I can't do this, please I beg you to stop"

He gets bolder knowing it won't take much longer
His lips are strong, His teeth bite my flesh viciously

Oh but the pain becomes excrutiating pleasure

Intesnity builds, His touch ******, His smell all man
His desire evident by the hardness pushing against my hip

He feels me beginning to quiver and shake
"No! No! I can't give in please don't do this to me begging profusely"

His mouth overpowers mine again absorbing my pleas as He asks, "don't do what my dear girl?"

"Don't make me give in, I have to stand strong I am not a weakling"
"Being a woman succumbing to the passion instilled by a man makes you beautiful not a weakling"

His hand roams over my body, across my *** which proves my bodies's betrayal, the moisture felt by His fingers
He brings the fingers to his lips and begins to **** on them each sound sends waves of volcanic heat through me

Body so hot, whimpering my begging to stop becomes begging not to stop
"Please don't stop, oh pleaassee!"

Laughter is heard in response

"Kneel!"

"No, No I can't, I won't"

His hand cinches my long fiery tresses harder, His teeth find a sweet spot to bite as the other hand once again shows how wet and hot I am for His touch


Tears fall from my emerald green eyes as He shows the evidence of my desire
They continue to paint my cheeks as my mind and body fight this battle of proper behavior and ultimate pleasure

"Kneel now my girl"
Unable to fight it any longer finally the words are uttered

"Yes my Master"

Taunting laughter is heard as knees fold and touch the ground, He knows He has won yet another

"Good girl ****"

It then hits me He called it right He used the powers of the flesh to prove I am a ****, wanton and free to feel

My mind screams NO while my body continues to scream over and over again yes oh yes yes

He proceeds to claim me again and again once I kneel showing me the woman that hides behind propriety*

I am happy and I am crying at the same time.  Ashamed for giving in and glowing as my body is satisfied for the first time woe is my own betrayal

I always knew that I couldn't
spend the rest of my life with you
but I knew this when we met:
I was prepared, it would be fine.
then love happened --
the kind of great poetry
and esoteric novels,
the transcendental kind
that people write songs about.
it was the kind of love that made me think
the excrutiating goodbye would be
worth it -- that every kiss would compensate
a sleepless night thinking about you.
I was wrong.
they say it's better to have loved and lost,
but I have watched heaven burn down
and it was heartwrenching and terrible.
I knew I wouldn't spend my life with you;
had I know I'd spend it
missing you
I might have reconsidered.

You walk forward into the thick darkness..
you feel the cool stillness surround you...
the air is crisp..you can breathe
but thats all about to change ..
you take two steps forward like a blind man searching his way around
color doesn't exitst here...the light is dead...
but you must watch your
every
step.
Two steps forward..you feel safe, but no
you start to fall...you yell..grabbing into the black nothingness to stop this scare
suddenly you hear the screams of excrutiating torture..
your mind plays tricks on you.
It cannot possibly be taking you here!
you hit the bottom of some un- known abyss
flames burn under your feet.
but you cannot scream
because here
you have no say.
you see demons surround you..coming close to you with their deathly screams
running into the darkness you hear them behind you..
you run till your feet bleed
you feel them grabbing for your neck..
your arms
your torsoe
grabbing for all that exists of you.
Their howls and screams make your heart skip a beat
Thoughts flood your mind..you cannot think
your choking.
your suffocating
no your dying
your
dead.
the fire consumes your body as the domonic beings
eat your remains inside out..
their teeth dripping with your adrenaline infested blood
their claws peircing your body
ripping you to shreds.
they enjoy to see you better this way..
better than you were when you were living
A view from above. you were left for dead.
you are nothing because you let them catch you
so run..
run as fast as you can
just
r
  u
    n
       because here...life doesn't exist..
you must just..

**die trying

The Artiste Carvó's "The Greatest Fartist Alive"*
                  (Another Crummy Acrostic)

T is for ****, I am attended by flies...
H is for Haughtiness, I am flowing through the fartist's stanks...
E is for Enema, my fine **** pollutes the very hole...

G is for Gigantic, I am the biggest ego in history...
R is for Refluxing, my fine putriditry puts artistry in ******...
E is for Emetic, I truly am expelling...
A is for *******, I posses the gift of ****...
T is for ******, I leave no stomach un-turned...
E is for Excrutiating, my words torture the very soul...
S is for ******, My logic is slimy....
T is for Tag-along, I truly am shadowed by all and everyone...

F is for Fatuous and Flatulence, the essence of I…
A is for Archfiend, demon am I...
R is for Revulsion, My art is abomination - My art yet *****....
T is for Tedious, I have been placed here to bore people to death...
I is for Idiot, I am truly unblessed...
S is for Selfish, I place **** before I's self...
T is for Talenticide, I have killed all things of art...

A is for Asinine, I possess all lacks...
L is for Lifeless, I truly worm the artistic heart...
I is for Idolize, I worship I...
V is for Venomous, I am all that is spite and impure...
E is for Emasculated, I am indubitably impotent...

This sums up why I and I alone am the greatest fartist alive,
And I will of course do one of my great farts in time.

Original ('The Greatest Artiste Alive') by:      Thee Artist aka Logbrain Crappó
Reworked by:    CrE aka Trollminator

Mommy, Mommy it is dark in here
It will be ok my loving girl

Why is it so dark Mommy?
Just the way it has to be for now honey

I don't understand Mommy
The light will show itself soon baby

I am scared Mommy, (cries) Mmmommmy
Shhhh baby, my sweet child it won't be long now

Plleeasse Mommy don't leave me I am scared
I know you are love, I am right here

The darkness is thick I can taste it
I know she can as I can't even see her outline
Her little heart is thumping so fast and hard
The fear in her voice is squeezing my heart

We are trapped in this blackness
At least we are together my child and I
Oh how she should not be here with me
How could I leave her though, behind I mean

She suffers more than me
Yet the darkness is squeezing
It's fist tightens against my lungs
Smothering, attempting to take the last breath

Hearing her cry, whimper and pleade
Scared of this inky blackness
Short quick breaths between words
Praying that god spares her

Wondering how we got here
What has occured to cause this
I simply cannot remember
Yet it is right there on the edge of my mind

Reassurances getting harder to give
Her voice drips with fear
Hugging the little body close to mine
Huge tear drops paint my cheeks

Rocking back and forth
Humming a tune
Feeling the stickiness on my chest
Pain so excrutiating not sure which is worse

Fire with every breath
Having covered her as the sounds stopped
I can feel a different darkness overcoming me
Blood smell fills my nose

Only thoughts were in saving her
Praying she does not pay for my sins
Wishing, hoping then praying
Take me Lord but please spare her

A fight out of control
Ended as the man began firing shots
Dumped in the middle of nowhere
In this darkness

Not able to see if my darling babe has injuries
Suddenly the moon begins to peek from behind it's hiding place
Just enough to see her beautiful pale face
The light becomes stronger

Mommy it's beautiful, I am not afraid now
It is incredibly lovely my love

Cradling her close to me the light is like nothing I have ever seen
Pain has ceased
We are floating you see
I press lips to her cheeks as I speak my last breath

I love you my darling
Mommy I love you

Our eyes close as our bodies go limp
When we are finally found in time
They will see the holes from bullets in my chest
One went through me and into my babe

Who would do such a thing? How did this happen?
It won't matter to me now
As my baby and I are resting peacefully
The Angels ended the darkness

Bathed in light we were taken to the Lord
He could not spare her though I prayed
I watch the people tears in their eyes
Hearing their thoughts of sadness and surprise

They say he snapped, my aunt said
Are you sure? my mother asked
Yes, He didn't want to let her go
Shot her and hit the babe by accident

I watch as the caskets are lowered into the cold ground
The angels around me and my daughter
Comforting and consoling us
Feels so wonderful here

Mommmy! Mommy! I am not scared anymore!*
Neither am I my love neither am I

Sometime in the distance I heard it told
"He was caught and will pay his due"

I curled up with my darling baby doll
Drifting to sleep for the last time
We my baby and I are at peace
I kiss her one last time

Rest now my sweet love
We are safe in the loving arms of the Lord

As i jumped from the plane intending to take my life,
All i could think of was my darling wife;
how she'd left me a few days ago,
And how her departure has made me low;
She took my kids with little to say,
But a few lines indicating that she'll be far away.

i remember the good old days, how it used to be,
And how i thought that we will be for enternity;
I was very wrong- it is clear to see,
I resort to a song to drown my misery;
There was a time when she was all i had,
And the thought of it then made me glad;
I would ride on my cycle with a smiling face,
Today all of it have become utter disgrace;
she gladly told her friends about me,
Our tender kisses and how i tickled her fantancy;
in eachother's arms, we'd talk of the kids we'd have,
Not knowing what exactly that life would serve;
and many more but little time to say,
For all my folly, this is how i repay.

"My dearest" is what she said,
"For all these years i felt i was dead;
you break my heart with the love that you give,
When tremendous bashing is what i thought to recieve;
i spent the nights thinking you were insane,
You never felt hurt nor did you feel pain;
these kids are mine but none are yours,
I despised our *** but desired the other *******;
i have gone with the kids foerever from you,
And will tell them that you being their daddy, was never true;
you have loved me so much all these years,
My heart wanted adventure, no wonder the tears;
now i take this big leap out to be with this man,
Whether he loves me or not, he is my ideal man;
and incase you wonder who he really is,
i am glad to tell you-he is the one who gives me peace;
goodbye my darling, do what you have to do,
Incase you live or die, i will never come for you."

As i plung through the sky rehearsing these words,
I hoped to meet my makers- my waiting gods;
but here i lay with my eyes wide open,
Still on earth and not in heaven;
all i can feel is excrutiating pain,
From a broken body and self disdain;
i have lost every limb of my body,
No love, nor hope nor family;
what kind of life is this that i have lived,
That even when i wanted, i am not deceased?

mama, i made someone happy yesterday!
i smiled as the door opened
              just as i always did
it was my first time to be chosen
    to be honest i was so nervous
they made me try out so many clothes
they said i had to look as pretty as i should
         they said they were trying to bring out
         my youthful look...
i never thought that meant
     more skin.
     more chest.
     more legs.
              he was an old man
wrinkles ravaged round his face
yet his smile had no blemish
          he stared at me
          and chose me almost immediately
i was never more proud
yet i was clueless of what next to do
    i should have wrote to you as early as then
         but as soon as
       we arrived
                          at my 'new home'
                or at least that was how he called it
   he called me to his room
            he nearly had to kneel
            in order to see me
                eye
                to
                eye
      i thought he was going to hug me
      as he leaned in
                                 he just undid my bra
            his hands were huge
            they cover almost my whole chest
he asked me to take of my shorts
        and he was smiling
   for once i knew
              i was doing something right
i barely slid my undergarment off and he pressed me against the unsuspecting bed
       he grabbed both my legs
                    as he told me to open them
              while he tole me to close my eyes
    he started
          pushing against me
      it was so so hard             so painful
relentless      excrutiating            i had to
                 bite my tongue to stop myself
         from screaming
               i think i was bleeding?
           i felt the blood pour out
                        i couldn't take it.
    i couldn't ask him to calm down
               it was just way too fast
he was panting                breathing heavily
         grunting         driving himself too hard
    it was like he could run out of breath
                       i wanted to make him stop
i really did
                   trust me.
            but as soon as i tried to shout
      or help him or something
                he fell over
          don't worry though he was still breathing
                           and his face
he just looked way too happy
           i was paralyzed the rest of the day
     until now i can barely stand up
                    but he was just so in bliss
       i hope you're proud of me mama.
              he said earlier he'd be taking me back
to the warehouse later
            i don't know why though.
     do you think he'll tell them i've been
         a good daughter?
                   i hope so.

I drove by your house this afternoon
On an errand of a sort other than nostalgia
Looking down the way, I saw your place
I remembered the last time I drove by you

After work I visited you at night
I drove in the dark, I arrived and I parked
And bounded your dimly lit staircase
In a familiar place, I saw your lovely face
And we would melt together in an embrace

You would lead me to your room
I'd close the door, remove my shoes
And we would laugh as I told the night's stories
Then you would kneel over me
And us two became we
But the details are too painful to think of

I remembered loving you today
It was so beautifully excrutiating , I couldn't stay
I turned down another street, feeling so incomplete
Because I can't think of you another way

To be washed under a wave;
persistant. . .
thinking how sad life is

Drowning, excrutiating, breathlessly squeezing love out;
Showing "it"
pathways to escape like sand
through fingers, one grain at a time

Unredeemable time flying
and pushing, pushing all, to impending doom

Death and darkness awaits.

But ignore, ignore. . .
take no notice of this horrific pitch-black reality.
Afterall
there's nothing one can do about it except to
fear it

. . .

Impending doom?
how very cliche, how very awkward!
well atleast no one is left behind this time;

All life forms driven all at once,
like lambs to slaughter,
relentlessly by Death on its two light feet;
night and day.

But we are stubborn, we still laugh
Defiant, we still hope. . .

As we march on to this promised doom

When I hear his name
I try to hide the excrutiating pain
Deep within me
That's bound to spill out in a way
creating an eruption of
unexplainable and uncontrollable emotions
I try to cover up the way I feel inside
Just like the way I cover up the way I look
On the outside
All I know is nothing really works
Whether it be xanex
Or a tube of concealor
Nothing stays hidden forever

I have excrutiating back pain from carrying double heartbreak.
It has been three months since my liberation,
three months since I stopped envisioning my nails scratching a kitchen table,
screaming out his name, my back arched.
Three months since I have kissed sanity on the lips and watched it undress me ever so gently.

I have been in bed with insanity for months now, letting it tear me open in my sleep.
For months, I have involuntarily let loneliness hold me in the night and ***** every inch of me.

Every ounce of my heart is rolling around in my throat.
It chokes me in my sleep.

I swallow my own tears,
let my arms lay limp and my legs drag behind me.
At night, when the dim moonlight dresses my skin in glow,
I rip my clothes off,
I allow the darkness to follow the moonlit floor, and watch it dance with me, all in my bareness.

I sleep,
it touches me.
I awake,
it watches me rise and take the day.

Can time stop for a while?
Something feels wrong.
Your lies keep echoing and i can’t move on.
I tried to fake a smile and act like i’m staying strong.
But now i dont know who i am anymore
How come you look like you’re doing fine
I dont know what to do without you
You said you’d wipe my teats if i ever cried.
You left me memories that are so blue
Every season there’s people changing , but im still the same stuck in this frame
How can everything weel excrutiating
I dont know what to do without you.

-------------------------------------------------TRUST-----------­-----------------------------------
                                                                        


fragile as it is dense
thick as it is thin
beauty as it is ugly
a bond so special it would be derogatory to call it anything else,it what its all about.

took me 9 months to gain her's
gone in seconds faster than air.
the tighter you grasp it the farther it goes

it takes time for it to grow
like a tree crossing maturity
but  winds of talks  knocks it down,
roots were to blame.

grows on you like a wolf in disguise,blooms like a rose but ****** to check its originality,
astonishing how money buys all pleasures yet this remains untouched and pure

intelligent at its best like a hawk,
dumb like a human
nuture it love ,grows into an expanse of pure serenity

internal doubts and egos bring it down and leave this purity fouled by stinksof the mastermind...


hard to accquire joy to keep
painful to doubt and excrutiating to leave
the godfather of any relation

TRUST

Being away from you kills me,
the warmth of your touch,
as you held my dimpled cheek,
against you,
with my tears wetting your shirt-
still lingers there,
as if twere never gone.

You went away ,
taking a part of me with you;
now here i am,
i do not know where my soul is,
perhaps its still clinging onto you,
refusing to let go

.Now leaning on the balcony,
with the setting sun beams,
poring through my eyes ,
my mind's all in for you;
your black curious eyes,
fixed on mine,
as you held me in your arms,
against the balcony-
my heart always seemed to float away...
  


Seeing you only makes it worse,
bits of those forever torn 'moments'-
trying to poke their heads back in,
the  excrutiating  pain as the bits tear through to me,
i can only but bear 'em ;
as  your messy hair in the morning,
as your embarrassing smile,
as you,.. my dear,
enclose me in painful happiness.

it took me over a month to
crack the puzzle
now i am rolling backwards i am
stone dead flung over you

things are just as they always were

i try to crack my teeth on frozen fruit
strawberries cranberries raspberry the red juices flowing
into my neck cold and numb i want to be
bitten
i used to put my head into the freezer
power food
i cannot keep myself from flowing

I HELD MY BREATH UNTIL I WAS IN
AN EXCRUTIATING PAIN AND I
REALIZED I COULD NEVER
SUFFOCATE MYSELF
THE WAY I SUFFOCATE OTHERS

then i went to our place
screamed my lungs out
then i went home
and that was death

i think the first step will be to realise
that i will never understand myself among others

then i went to our place
smashed all the plates i could find
then i woke up
i was in my own kitchen

I WILL BE LEFT WITH SINGLE WORDS ONLY:

funky
mistress
petulant
asylum

There was a time in which I was bed-ridden for months,
Stuck in a limbo between weightless peace and excrutiating agony,
And all he while I saw snow bury the earth in a mighty wave of white,
It's winds lashing at anything exposed like the spray of the sea.

But all the while I lay bed-ridden.

As the snow began to melt,
So did the last dregs of lethargy from my shoulders,
It was time to charge on.

Busted half my stitches in my first try,
But it wouldn't be my last,
Getting stronger was the goal,
Here I stand,
Running when they said I'd need a cane for 3 years more.

Run Free

little horn:
or as some would call it:
scratching one's head...
a sensation...
   making
a focus,
of the excrutiating
base, no bias:
there are
only a fixed number
if madmen,
lext to be burdened
by excuses...
there are only a fixed
number of madmen,
willing to tow
the affairs of the "sane"...
the remaining cursors,
are... quiet unwilling...
to force the quest of
sanity, by means
of bewildering a madman?
there is but so much
a madman will excuse
to suppose: sanity,
of the accepted narrative...
no, this is no don quixote
operatic narrative...
i'm inclined to
suggest:
      well... i hope you
don't die...
but... if death is necessary?
then death is:
to be made
a culmination
of what's to be necessitated;
waiting for the backlash...
and there's me praying
for...
    the anti-thesis of
the holy cows of Hinduism...

    you know how i react
to black women?
sorry....
am i supposed to ****
'em?
                 i don't want
to **** 'em...
          those arabian
copper beauties?
         i wish i'd want to,
but i can't...
***. ninja theatre....
                              more like
******* fetish via
gloryhole...
  
            no... thanks...
                 all these arabic
gob-smacker-beauties
are selling is a pardon
for global warming....

        i tend to walk
            to a supermarket...
guess what...
i'd be most happy...
on the scaffold
of the act of decapitating
loose ends;
i would cry...
if someone decided
to play some
voughan williams.

Arrête avant de me briser le coeur
That belongs to me
Because when you break my heart
You will be putting some pain
In my heart
And I know that I will have some
Excrutiating pain
That will drive me insane
I could take all the pain killers I have
But the truth it will not work
I will have to wait for my father
To fix my heart
As soon as possible

So many people
Lately had broken
Hearts
And they  also
Had been in
Excrutiating  pain
They took
All the
Pain killers
Hoping that
The pain would go away
But to be honest
It wasn’t working at all
We prayed for God
To take the pain
Away