I CONTINUE TO TRY TO CLIMB FROM THIS PIT OF DESPAIR, WHILE REALIZING THAT THE MORE I CLIMB TO THE LIGHT THE FURTHER AWAY IT MOVES FROM ME.
MY HEART BEING SHATTERED PIECE BY PIECE, SO THAT I MAY FEEL EVERY NICK OF PAIN.
THOSE I HOLD DEAR, THAT HURT ME THE CLOSER I PULL THEM TOWARD, BUT THE PAIN OF PUSHING THEM AWAY WOULD FEEL UNBEARABLE.
IVE BEEN TEMPTED, AND HAVE FELL TO THAT TEMPTATION, TO MAKE THE ONES I LOVE MOST HAPPY, EVENTHOUGH I KNOW THAT AT THE END,
THEY WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE REASON I SELF DESTRUCT.
My deepest sorrows have been caused by those whom I could never picture myself being without.
Though at the end, I know I will be left even more scattered than before, those same people feel perfectly in place.
I yearn the attention and adoration from those who could care less about my happiness, yet I feel loved.
Eventhough they have made my life a living nightmare, I just wanna be the reason they sleep well at night.
WHY DID I EVEN THINK I WAS WORTHY OF THEIR ALL? THERE HAS TO BE A REASON I ADORE THEM SO HEAVILY. WHY WOULD THEY EVEN WASTE TIME ON SOMEONE LIKE ME WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS WHO CAN DO MORE FOR THEM THAN I EVER COULD.
TO BE WORTHY ENOUGH FOR EVEN THEIR LEAST, MAKES ME FEEL THAT I AM SPECIAL TO AT LEAST SOMEONE, THOUGH IT BE SHORT LIVED.
Eventhough you are the reason these tears are forming in my eyes, and my vision is getting blurry, even being that you are the reason I’m lower than I thought I could ever be, I still just wanna be the reason you smile.
I wanna bring warmth to your heart in this cold world. My heart beats to bring you joy, because just you being happy, is the reason I can wake up and say that I have a purpose.
MY BODY, HEART, MIND, AND SOUL ARE IN AGONY, BUT IF THAT MEANS THAT YOU ARE JUST A SMALL BIT SATISFIED. IT MAKES ME FEEL THAT IT IS ALL WORTH IT.
AND HONESTLY, AS MY TEARS DROP ONTO THE SCREEN AND IT GETS A LITTLE HARDER TO BREATHE, I WILL DO IT AGAIN, AND WOULDNT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.

By Arcassin B



I cant believe,
the last time there was ever love for me,
put me in the position of a lonley person,
Dont be late,

i cant believe,
she would believe them over me,
eventhough i didnt see it as something being worth it,
its too late.

Hey there
Girl with the veil
Eventhough you cover yourself with a scarf
Your inner beautiness radiates through it
Displaying the real you
Without any other distractions

Hey there
Girl with the veil
You are not shy to voice out your feelings
Even with that hijab
It doesn't mean you are timid
The speculations of the ******
Makes it harder for you to go on
But you don't care

Hey there
Girl with the veil
You seem to have been writing poems
Hopeless romantic ones lately
Is your heart lost?
If you need any help
I can help you to find directions again

In a desperate attempt to  save hello  from near destruction the evil man ****** but yet charming in all togather strange way.
Elliot had a moment of true brillance   To get the anchors of hello togather  in a nice beach house.
Okay it  was a soon to be condemed rat trap hotel  on the Jersy shore and film it.

My worries were alerted already  for I was  really  wasnt up for making a **** .
Who am i kidding  sure i am.
But like when momma  gonzo told me that fat *****  in the red suit
wasnt really santa  just a child  molester.
I was wondering why santa  was  giving out candy in july
And why that candy cane was never in his pocket .
So the **** thing was off  it was to be a reallity show.

Freee ***** a chance to act up like a three year old hyped up on cookies    and crystal **** or whatever the kids were into these days.
They had me  sold so like a flock of segulls we ran   we ran so far away  eventhough  probation  said no my    gonzo sense said yes hey  lindsy lohan told me it sounded like  great idea  and who can argue with a crazy coke head.  

So we gathred in the bleek hope of saving hello from total boredom  and thoose hiku  writting nazis   from poetry soup.
Jack, Baths, Chris,Eileen,Gary,Paula,And that ***** Gonzo  
really  im so insecure  must just be that time of the month.

The rooms reminded me as a cross between the bates motel
and something outta the shining yes charming indeed.
We had the top floor  I always liked being on top but enough with the
forplay children.

The rooms  were picked  okay guys over there   girls come with me it was worth a try.  
The rooms were picked the honey moon suite  
going to me and Jack   ahh ****    there were strobe lights  stripper pole heart shapped  hot tub   jesus it was like  elton john had thrown  up in here  at least it smelled like it.

elliot had made it clear the bar tab was on us but knowing what a true sweetheart  he was he had somehow  left me his credit card
in my wallet maybe without knowing it.

One thing bout  are weird kinda umm  well  funny smelling digs  
there was a true blessing there  a bar   for what is a gonzo without his bar   much like a samuri  without his sword or a mean twig model without her cellphone  to throw  and finger to put down her throat to puke   memories   all alone in the moonlight dam you cats.

With some simple calls  the party was in full swing  and are shuttle bus slash   pinto had us at the hotest club slash retirement  home.
The music blasting so low as to not cause   bowel problems.
Me and Chris showing the old farts  how to play beer pong.
Missed shot  drink up grandma and please put your clothes on
****** you gravity.

Jack  kept the dance floor jumping  with his  fake mustache  little captians hat   and some other leather gear  once told me one thing that ****** was fahasion forward  you go girl.

Paula, Baths and Eileen   worked the newly  started  card game. You dont know how to gamble?  
Well are girls are happy to show ya gramps
Gary had disapeared  to the rest room  for some odd reason.
How he did put a smile on thoose  old ladies faces  seinor care
aint it grand they were were just glowing  what a odd place to be giving reading.

After we had hustled i mean  helped thoose old folks outta there life savings  it was time to party  really  they were almost dead  anyways
and a  funeral plot is overrated   just do what my  uncle did with his ex wife  tell everyone  one she went on vacation and bury her in backyard.

I'll never go tressure hunting again.
We hit the club like  like a hurricane that was laced with wild turkey   and   and a few rational thoughts.

The night was magic   for the money dissappeared   in seconds so like  any broke ***  writers  would do when facing  a fifteen thousand dollar bar tab.
We got the **** outta there.
Thank  god for a restroom window never mind me miss
im with security  and may i say you have a great rack.

The hotel reaked of mayhem and  a old winos ****  and maybe a dead
corpse or two.
HaAHahaha they'll never find you Drew.

It was like the cover of Sgt  Pepers lonley hearts club band  you know by   that classic group the backstreet boys.  
Yes drinking it doesnt effect the mind at all   now who the **** are you?

Dwarfs  junkies   men wearing sailors hats and **** straps did Jack have a dance  troupe?
Hookers drag queens  holy bat crap wonder woman   Lady Ga Ga.
Seems she had crashed into are pinto parked in the the street ******   Chris  i told you park it on the side walk  like me.

Jack  as  if  in a trance  was on stage with the  space alien ******
known as Ga Ga   it was a match made in a state   thats probaly filled with crazy people  like  Utah  or Canada.
Okay im kidding i love Canada  and i just learned it's a country
oh no wonder they hay have fences  I just thought they was a gated  community.  

Paula hit the floor after her third drink   and would probaly question   why somone  had written this space for rent  on her forehead
But like a true man that i was i would  blame that on Gary.

Chris and Eileen  danced laughed I had this odd feeling they were close   as Baths replied no **** sherlock  now pour me another  wine
befor i kick you in the *****   she is a charmer.

The crew fliming are madness  as togather we all danced apon the bar  but for some odd reason the ground had tilted and only effected me  dam UKs and there ninja abiltys and Garys knack for floating  on air.
I went down like a cheerleader on prom night hitting my head apon the floor.

Out like a stripper at a frat boys party after she had   beer and roofie
cocktail.
I was taken to a magical place  were  whiskey  flowed  like water
and you didnt have to pay for ***.

I awoke  in a hospital bed   head taped up  surrounded  by friends
the doctor asking many questions puzzled I made no sense.
Dear Lord this man has   brain dammage the doctor said.

The nurse leaned over  her  low cut top hey it's my write okay.
Brought a gleam to my devilish eyes   hey i mouthed   to Chris
I can see her *******.

Well  Gonzos fine  Chris replied.
As From the restroom there was a clatter
so i did turn my hungover head to see what  the **** was a matter.            

Jack appeared from the rest room Ga Ga in arm.
naked as bald eagle   void of feathers.

Gary.  Hey  i always herd  she was a .

Chris  Thats just ******* weird.

Paula. Who's the ***** who wrote on my forhead?  

Eileen.  it wasnt Chrisey poo.

Baths. Jesus  Gonzo your   long winded  crazy   and good looking
yeah i added that       hey don hit me i just had a near sober experience.
dam gaga is really a.

Jack  yeah and im in love my my my  poker face

FIN

Oh, the great tree that sprouting the whole universe,  I am just asking now for a little bit of shadow         Many might have come meanwhile to friends with you   And they might have supported you to give more power  Besides they might have sung many songs in the rhythm of heartbeat  And all the dusks have wept a lot   No doubt they would have desired to see the garden of memories   And all their deeds  given inexplicable joy  .BUT I saw the earthen monuments on all my ways and I thrilled in the floute- music of my life    Moreover I saw the jasmine groves in the island of sorrows   And my burning self have seen the depths of  red-sea.   EVENTHOUGH, may I sit and may think in this chilling canopy of ETERNAL LOVE.(originally written in MALAYALAM,kerala ,India.in 2008)

It's hard to fall in love again
Because after all that I've been through
I very strongly believe that the only ones who can ever truly love you back
Are your parents and your dog
It's hard to fall in love again
Because I was born and brought up in a culture which said that all that matters is the outside
And the inside can just go *******
It's hard to fall in love again
Because it is shown that being fair is the only way you can be lovely
That all matrimonials ever wanted was a slim and b'ful lady
If this was an MCQ, I'll be the none of these
It's hard to fall in love again
Because I'm scared all men just want the body with curves and face like an angel
That the only things that should be big are your **** and your ***
Because who gives a **** about a big heart
It's hard to fall in love again
Because the words that he said in the past still haunt me, telling me that I'm not good enough
Pretty enough, **** enough, anything enough to be loved
It's hard to fall in love again
Because eventhough I read quotes on how beauty comes from within, it's proved wrong with every single encounter
Which leads to be believe that all that movies and books ever taught us about romance is absolute *******
That the only reason Jack ever loved Rose was because, well, she was ******* hot
It's hard to fall in love again
Because people don't see that you're born with the skin but it takes effort to build the soul
Because the skin will form wrinkles and sag with time
But the soul and the mind won't
It's hard to fall in love again
Because I don't want to add more to my list of insecurities and brokenness which scar me forever
Because I don't want to dive down and down and down into my worn out self esteem
It's so ******* hard to fall in love again
So I laugh it off and joke around
But everytime I see you
I really, really want to fall in love again
But I'm scared that you'll do the same and break whatever is left of me
That you'll turn me inside out and rub my imperfections till they burn
That you'll laugh with your friends and say
Where did that ***** even gather the guts from to come up to me and say, "Hey man, I like you"
Like that's the worst thing anyone could ever say to you?
They say
Love is a drug
But I think I'm in rehab
They say
Don't be cynical about love because in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
It is as perennial as the grass
But I think I'm better off in a barren land
A place that can accept me for who I am
So the next time you ask,
"Are you dating someone?"
And I reply with a snort and say, "Huh, look at me. No one would want to be with me."
And you say, "No, looks don't matter and the personality-"
I'll punch you in the ******* face
Because to hell with all your crap
You won't want to be me even for a single day
You won't want to be the ugly girl standing in the corner of the hallway

British telecom has elevated expenses to its line local rental and call up rates to the third quantity of a year. At any given time when home budget is inside their tightest, BT are making the choice to improve charges, making the normal cell phone monthly bill get out of ?Eighty three in order to ?17 per year.

BT's traditional residential phone contact expenditure is getting larger 9 % to 7.Half-dozen pence a moment, up coming from Several.4p just one last year. A supplier's series local rental costs are furthermore rising through 30p every thirty days, to ?A few.90. Prospects nonetheless shelling out their costs by means of income will likely shell out 60p monthly more, with additional rates regarding services for example phone patiently waiting proceeding by ?.60 to 70 monthly to ?. BT in addition have clipped their evening hours off-peak intervals rear sixty minutes, to 7pm.

The modern get in touch with price tag improvements should come straight into affect on 04 Twenty eighth. It's supposed to affect the 4 million BT buyers that aren't about all-inclusive simply call plans. However, the more expensive line leasing charges may have an impact on most BT buyers no matter what which usually company they can be using.

Robert Wilson, cellular in addition to high speed office manager during moneysupermarket.com, said: "We have seen plenty of selling price mobility within the land line current market just lately and also sadly to get shoppers the majority of the goes happen to be to boost the expense of obtaining and employing your house telephone line.In

Pure Marketing improved it is selling prices simply by 6 % last year, plus Sky's set to lift it has the charges throughout 06 eventhough it has not yet mentioned how much. TalkTalk in addition plans to raise call prices by means of 06 % plus series procurment by simply A couple of per cent.

"Other companies will inevitably stick to BT, once we observed using repetitive copycat value rises really,In . claimed Wilson. "This most recent selling price increase will do minor to ease the rising prices that Britain industry is going through."

Households can confront further expenses caused by the availability associated with high speed broadband in order to countryside spots. "It's true that the phone system companies are pressurized to get the roll-out regarding broadband to countryside regions," stated Paul Doku, engineering qualified from uSwitch. "It appears to be however that telephone instead of broadband prospects might be paying off the cost."

Family clients are going to have to get steps into their individual fingers to maintain expenditures lower. Buyers will surely have to research the best expense plan to match their demands, quite possibly moving to an arrangement that provides free of charge morning in addition to end of the week calling, reely 'anytime' necessitates those at your home every day. Series lease prices could be saved by simply changing out from the big solutions with a more compact company such as Primus that offers line leasing for under ?.Seventy nine 30 days.


http://www.passwordmanagers.net/resources/How-to-Cleverly-Use-the-NSIS-as-a-ZIP-Password-*******-54.html ZI­P Password *******

The Princebles Office better known  as the Dragg queens lair.

This time it's it!
You demented twisted drunken *******.
from the veins that shown so easily from Sir Eltons  neck i could
tell it must be a bad hair day.
That and  he was trying to butter me up with all the compliments

****** harassment,Encouraged drug use,Public displays of insanity,
******* indecent act's with a animal oh wait that's the artist formely known as jack horner.

As this sad little dwarf from a strange planet called London ranted and rubbed the fact in my face that yet there was one rule i hadnt broken
****** man whats a girl gotta do to get some attention?

It's it ive gotta list of angry sensitive people who are friends with benfits  who  want you gone!
How could this be?
Had the world gone insane or caught some std that slowley eats away  
your brain slowley making you think that Justin Bieber had talent?

Dear lord it was reffer madness all over again.
Well Frodo theres only one solution I exclaimed.
His face red eyes mentally ******* me jesus man must have been
missing happy hour at the shire.

Well pippy  they'll all just have to go  im mean what would
funhouse be without a ***** old pervert  to feel up the costumers?
Dam you  Francis Ford Copela
What the hells wrong with you?

The question hung in the air like a **** in church
So many things made one Gonzo.
Not enough hugs  to little wild turkey.
And not using protection.
Remember kids always fasten your saftey belts get your heads outta the gutter.

The list read like a who's who of people who really needed
to get a life  or laid maybe even by there wife.
After hours okay maybe the rest of my bottle of wild turkey
it was decided  once again  i was the black sheep and no one
wanted to play anymore oh well i'll just do what the staff of the drag queens lair does and play with myself.

But enough with the foreplay children.
so many things i had learned  like  well ummm?
Okay maybe nothing at all  i knew i should have tuffed it out and
got through   kinder garden.

As I cleaned out my desk I reflected apon old times.
The laughter  the time i set fire to grandma's cat  and blamed it on my
little brother eventhough i didnt  have one.
Wait wrong memory.
  
The road ahead uncertin my mind unclear.
My inner child hurting in need of a really hot comfort cuddle maybe
from someone with a inner ****.

As I began my long walk of shame much like a woman who relized
she made a big mistake with her boss lastnight.
It's hell working in the family  business.

I passed old faces  all  pretty much thinking i was full of it as usal
turned and in my grown up ****** with a heart of gold voice said.

No one puts baby in a corner!
Sometimes you gotta  stand up for things  or do like me and blame it on others   and I cant belive  not even a single  free bottle of ***** or a concert  or maybe a lap dance  yeah  it's really went down hill
girlfriend oh snap.

Guess i'll just go  dont try to stop me.
Hmm tuff crowd   well  stay crazy amigos.
And as i closed the door i could feel the sadness.
There was a great racket coming from inside.

I knew it the heartbreak was so terrible these people were destroyed.
Why even as i opened   the door and saw them swingin from the hey what the ****?

All eye's turned  the music died.
Dear lord people  really?
Even my 50 pen names?

Im okay  well  the cake saying good riddance hurts a bit
But it taste great and the margarita's nice touch.
After such a outrage I was left with only one choice
steal as much **** as could  flip frodo the bird.
spike the punch   okay maybe  do a little dance make a  little
Gonzo once later  id demand  a blood test for and shut the hell up for good tonight.

The door slammed shut like my wifes legs after she relized her sisters baby  really had a strange fondness for wild turkey.
All sat around wondering will this long *** write ever end ?

Chris looked at the artist formely known as Jack Horner.
Speaking in that slow **** seductive  voice of his.
Ya think the crazy ******* is really gone.
To which my crazy amigo across the pond replyed.

**** no he does that every other week.
And besides  thats the door to the janitors closet.

some days even when
everything in my life is in a crescendo
a part of me feels numb

a small part of me is numb to all the love,
all the joys, all the sadness, all emotions
all I feel is this numbness that comes out of
"a deep emptiness"

I know I cannot fill this vast emptiness,
so I cry out to a something greater than myself,
eventhough I don't have a clue what that might be

I embrace my numbness and accept that
life cannot be lived in extreme highs and lows
I want to embrace stability and not reject it as boredom

But some days I just want crawl into bed and not wake up
I feel so numb, and I have to remind myself that
"feelings aren't facts."

So I get out of bed and go through the motions
hoping against hope that someday my "deep emptiness"
is filled with an abiding love that will fill me to wholeness

Why pretend that you're happy eventhough you really are NOT?!
Why pretend that you like what's happening eventhough you really DON'T?!
Why pretend to be someone you're not?!
Why believe in things that doesn't align with your principles?!

Life is a matter of "WHO can withstand WHAT".

Can you withstand the everyday trials life will give you?
Can you withstand the storm that will pass you?
Are you even strong enough to face the greatest fear of your life?
Or you're just a common coward hiding from the thick sheets of "show-off bravery"?

C'mon think things through... Don't just give in with what's happening now...
As the saying goes, "there's always a rainbow after the storm", it applies to all.
Wake up! And learn to face the facts on your own.
It's YOU that matters the most!
It's YOU who should withstand everything and anything!
'coz in the end... it's just YOU and YOURSELF... and NOBODY ELSE!

I could be what you're looking for
If what you feel is right for you
Do you love me more than your man
Is my love for you more pure than what he has
Eventhough he makes you the center of his world
You don't love him the way he loves you
No one can touch you, hold you like I do
Only I can open up wildest fantasies
So don't be shy, open your dreams to me
Only you know how you wanna be loved
Tell me, have I always been on your mind
Do I make you smile, am I sunshine
Does he talk to you the way I do
Does he look at you the way I'm looking at you now
C'mon baby, feel the electricity
Let me get into you
Let my pleasure slide
I promise you, I'll do things he'll never do

apreciate the world for all of its beauty,
& please dont dwell on all of the negativity,
eventhough society is cruel and ugly,
please remember my love, that you are lovely.

you're too young, to be so broken down and sad.
dont let bad people, make you feel so bad.

& i know, you have a million scars on your broken
heart, but its time to let it go, dont let toxic people tair you apart, its time to move on, be strong and let yourself grow.

lifes too short and too precious,
time flys by far too fast, dont destroy your
future, dwelling on your troublesome past.
hug more, fight less.
relax, and dont stress.
live every day like its going to be your last.

if i had a time machiene.
these are the things that i would tell myself.
at the age of seventeen.

i.
I drove
myself home today,
Counting polemics
that I received;
that made me
feel so
attacked.

Swollen eyes,
Bruised legs,
And the urge
to dissipate
into a thin air
were just there
along with
my dead
soul.

The harsh words of
those people who
are not my
comrades are just
like an atrocious
zeitgeist of the
Fascists' dictatorship.
Those are
my biggest
weakness.

ii.
I pretend
that I am not
dying everyday
whilst in fact
every fragments of me
keeps on
losing consciousness and
even if I
regenerate,
a part of me
would always be
back on
dying.

What I'm looking for
is not a coherent
vindication nor a
stance that defends me,
I'm looking for
ways to possess self-mastery,
to be an Overman like
what Nietzsche had depicted or
to possess self-actualization
which is the
highest peak of
Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

So I began to
Construct
days of
decisive
battles.

iii.
[First arc]

I unleashed a
rather subversive
catharsis;
I punched the
mirrors until they're broken and
broke the windows with
a baseball bat
and fought everyone
barehanded
until the last moment
I shot my
two arch enemies
on the head
with my
revolver.

When I
was trying to bid
farewell,
the people
who witnessed me
unexpectedly said
that it was cool
and my dauntlessness
was cool
for doing that.

I thought
they would
hate me even more
but instead,
some of them
who are previously my
enemies ended up
wanting to be
allies with
me.
[BATTLE HAS BEEN WON]
[Achievement unlocked. +100 ability points earned.]

iii.
[Second arc]

I decided
to convey
awareness towards
the issue that
I am suffering from
through a form of
writings and speeches,
and turns out that
the society
ended up cherishing
my contributions.

They asked me a
myriad of questions
About how did I manage
to do all the things
that I have done and
how long did I take
to reach this
achievement.
I just stayed silent
for I couldn't put it
into words
how incredibly long
my endeavour was
to earn their
respect.

But I guess
it brought me
closer to
a revelation.
[BATTLE HAS BEEN WON.]
[Achievement unlocked. Magic points increased by 150+.]

iv.
[Third arc]
I have
always thought of
myself as a
modern day Cobain
due to my
lethargic self and
vulnerability and
how I depended on
cigarettes and dopes as
my redemption.

And my biggest weakness
is
my
own
thoughts.
The
world
inside
my
head.
[ACHIEVEMENT FAILED TO UNLOCK; DISRUPTED.]
[DEFEAT.]

v.
I tend
to
cry relentlessly
sometimes whenever
I realize that
all the nice things are
just dreams yet the
holocausts are
realities.

They told me,
how could I even
take care of anyone else
whilst I can't even
get a hold of
myself.

I went home with
one of my
favorite guys the other day
with bruises and a
lethargic physical condition
looking as if
I need to be protected
and I hate the fact that
eventhough I am not
fond of depending
I can't
go through things
completely alone
either.

[MISSION ABORTED—
—BATTLE HAS BEEN POSTPONED.]

vi
[No more arcs left]
I have always loved
the word "regeneration"
for the existence of that
word gives me revelation
that someday I would
get a
chance to encounter
lt too.

When I woke
up from a prolonged
deep sleep that felt
like death,
everyone told
me that they were
mesmerized by my
so-called act of courage and
volition. My lungs still
hurt and I
am still swallowing
blood that tastes like
drips of vermouth.

Honestly I
never wanted the
world as a gift; I
am in love with the
world but it goes
otherwise when it
comes to its contents.

vii
My acts that
they deem as courage
is not my
courage
it's just a form of
cognitive dissonance with
a hint of fallacy.

Oy vey, if only I
were given a freedom of
speech, I would
confront and
ask;
"Dear mother
earth and father
time, can I
live without battles
and just go ahead?"

[11417 329 2110 725
BATTLE HAS ENDED
AS DEMANDED BY PLAYER]

Secrets untold behold my eyes.
They are very expressive otherwise.
My screams and cries have been locked in a dungeon.
Iam a mute spectator, eventhough with a vision.
The world seeks the lies and not honesty.
There is room for evil and none for piety.
My grief gets capsized in the teary storm.
In the long run, nightmares they form.

Their heartbeat does not define love
Their eyes do not define love
Their smile does not define love
Their presence does not define love.

What does define love is
Their actions - do they dare to leave something just for you?
Their sacrifices - do they dare to take chances eventhough the chances of both of you to last is unpredictable?

Love is when you do anything in the moment although you could not control fate.
Love is when you take that leap of faith and risk something.
Love is when you feel it is worth it to let them take something from you.
Love is when you feel you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

If you looked inside her heart
You’d find a deep cavern
A lonely spirit trembling in the corner
If someone strums her heartstrings
A spirit quakes in fear
of loving, of falling, of being broken

She has made many mistakes
Doesn’t want to repeat
She has been dropped once
Shattered to pieces
Lie scattered on the floor
Like the pieces of a puzzle unsolved

She is terrified of love
Afraid she would not be able to solve the puzzle
Eventhough she has all the pieces
She needs to take a chance
and find a spark of courage

If you looked inside her heart
You’d find a not-so-empty cave
A hopeful spirit curled in the corner
Looking up to find a light
In that light she sees the picture
And is finally able
to solve the puzzle

{ n.j }

After you left it lasts for a week
those pleaded and weep
I've done everything to keep
but still you left and now I am weak.


No text, no call
no you after all
I think you've forgotten me I don't understand
I've got this fear now that I cannot stand

I am no longer open for companions,
I don't even take everyone's opinions
I don't talk I thought doubtly
I think they'll just reject me.

I don't even talk to who's not committed
Cause I have this fear now of being rejected
I am now sealed with this fear
Be forgotten by a person eventhough I love for real.

Here lies a scar
a short cut to a shortcut
on the journey home
to the heart
I almost died trying to
find a way out of myself
to release my own demons
free the inside of me
in the split second
of a split vein
the moment i almost lost
all of my moments
the breath of life
i realized its importance
there is no easy way out
you will hurt the ones you love
when you are here now
then suddenly gone tomorrow
there is no easy way in
there will always be trauma
that aches beneath the skin
things you want to escape from
escape into
life is full of paradoxes
you want to live
but self sabbatoge your life
though the same God
who created the stars
created you
you feel yourself undeserving
to be among the living
Yet you are here
In almost giving it away
I learned life is a gift
i must not squander it
eventhough I feel squandered by it at times
that I am wasting my time
These ill feelings pass
and ill get past my past
and the future will at last
be the last thing I grasp
my last will and testament
that I faced the present
my sadness, my fears, my anxieties
deep depression
fought them all tooth and nail
raised hell
to be comfortable in my shell
accept myself
And I outlasted it
won the battle
Lived
Survived
Thrived.
I am here.

I'm not interested in small talk
I want to listen to your childhood memories
the day when your father taught you how to ride a bike
when your mother read you a fancy fairy tale before bed
when you were so happy because your parents complimented your drawings
eventhough they were bad
when you sat on your mom's lap in the evening of spring
as waiting for your dad to get home from work
when you blew a candle on your 8th birthday
I want to hear your voice
and see your crinkles on your beautiful eyes
as you laugh uncontrolably like a little kid.

hair bleached, blonde, orange, ginger
(it's funny cos i'm not quite sure)
she brightens the rooms' darkest corners with just a mere twitch of her lips and her bright blue eyes and her giggle
it's perplexing how she doesn't see
(then again none of us do)
that she's as beautiful as the girl down the street
in fact even more
with every inch of skin and scar
it makes her prettier than anyone else
but the best part that no one else had
was the heart she held within herself.

tucked away and hidden,
like her arms always were under those huge school jumpers
she kept her soul and eyes away
from the nosy ones and lovely ones alike
despite them caring or not.
she always thought she'd never matter
to anyone else or even herself
but she failed to see the hearts and arms opening up to her
because she refused letting anyone in
(why katy why?)

so no more scars my lovely girl
put the blade away
don't even store it for those bleak rainy days.
because you're better than that all of this
because eventhough something in life may be amiss
there's always a gorgeous yellow sun to shine down on you
to light up your freckly face and your fluffy golden hair
and the scars are enough
so even though times are rough
your skin just needs a break
and so does your heart
though it may break apart
it will eventually come to its senses and piece back together.
you're oh so strong and one day a guy will come along
and you'd probably punch him in the face
but I hope that day would come soon
so I could see you giggle and swoon
over some white boy
(you better have good taste)

this pretty little flower
is such a blessing to me
and i'll never forget the trip we're going to plan
and i hope when we meet for tea perhaps
we'd still gush and laugh and rant
about things that mean too much about nothing
and we'd still be somewhat best friends

stressed and depressed but well-dressed is what they say
but i've only always seen her in ripped black tights and a short black skirt
*is it weird that we've never met but i feel like i've known her for years?

Eventhough you know
every polaroid
picturesque infinity,
and every broken strand of
every melancholic
outpouring memory,
buried deep beaneath
the debris of the moon
and sprinkled with star dust
within my soul.
You can’t seem to understand
the basicity of my humanity.
And how much
you
quietly mean to me.

My life is a gravel road
the further I travel the more rocks in my sole
but oh' the sights I've seen
countryside painted a warm gold by the sun
and the trees the size of giants in clusters of thousands
I've seen skies of many colors, some I can't name
I've felt the tingle of a cool breeze from the top of a mountain
I have danced in the shallow water of a creek bed
under the canopy of autumn trees with colors of a kaleidoscope
I've tasted the sweet nectar of a honeysuckle
and feasted on a blackberry bush at the edge of the wood
So eventhough my life is a gravel road
and I've had enough sour so the sweet never gets old
the thunder may come but it always goes
and even when the road ends, I'll never know

I'm going to get up today!
"Lay your *** down, you ain't doing ****"
I wanna eat something sweet.
"You might want to stick to fruit and water, fat *** "
I should hang out with somebody.
"Nobody wanna be bothered with you. Go home"
I wish I could talk to somebody but
"No-one needs to know, will understand, or gives af"
Maybe I should try today eventhough
"I'm dumb asf and I'm going to fail anyway"
There's people that care about me but
"If I die , life will go on and the world keeps turning"
I should just stick to being by myself
"I'll just end up hurting someone or hurt"
**** this I'm done with love
"Took me long enough , love been done with me"
Why am i even still here
"I ain't **** anyway. I ain't gone be **** either"
Life just not worth getting up for
"I should just sleep and never wake"
**** it. One good cut is all I need.
"**** put the blade up! your no fun If your dead"
I guess I'll just fake a smile for the day.

~Corona Harris~

Gifts. Not all gifts consist of contagious laughs, nor shrieking woes. For most children, they receive joy, and sometimes a coffin for the old. Mine was hard to distinguish even up today. Because it was dressed like a daydream under the sheets of gray. A snowglobe, a sculpture of two faces, the atmosphere that surrounds it like a womb. It felt secure. A city of our dreams where no one can touch. The love that never came to me was there to watch. I remember feeling almost everything to the sound of your breath and fascinating wonders. With you the glitters there form a twister. The figures within will dance until their feet numb. Christmas hums whisper through the effect of the words 'i love you'. And those were the reasons I forgot it was all a lie. I forced myself a sweet lie. Because somehow, I lost the sense of reality. Your hands will never intertwine mine. Your eyes will never see that little world. Eventhough I admit I was fine, I blinded myself in this light. The thought of you managed to make chilly snows as glitter. The colors turned dull as I make out our figure. As if a midnight train, you abandoned our memories at dawn. And your heart making decisions like stone. It was gloomy and cold and funny. The perfect piece of broken melody. So I sing with this gift that you bestow, locking my soul in eternal sorrow.

I know what you think, and that you think you  know what you see.
You know everything better than me.
You might be right, but I know that you’re wrong.
I feel the pull, but the pain is small
And all you have to say is: “You’ve changed” - and I hope you’re right
Now flowers are growing rampant in my mind.
Extending my horizon, making me realize that this life is beautiful
That this life is mine and mine alone
That eventhough I’m completely ordinary with crooked teeth and dull brown hair, I’m not hindred from doing  extraordinary things.
That’s what life’s really about.
I don’t need  future plans - which is great, because I have none -  but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want from life.
Call me liberal, if that means you allow me to live life the way I invision
See what’s beyond the flowerbed in my mind.
See the moon from South Africa, Brazil or maybe Tibet.
You should have known that I wouldn’t come back the same that I left
But all you say is: “You’ve changed”
All I can say is: “Good”

In this world full of hurt and pain, I need someone who would help me through the rain. To comfort me when Im sad, Doing everything just to make me glad. In this world I need a Brave Knight, Who would never give up any fight. A knight who would dry away my tears,
Helping me to overcome my fears. A knight who loves me for who I am inside, With him there's nothing more I need to hide. A person who will still be standing strong, Eventhough everything has gone wrong. I need someone who is willing to give me more, Someone I can call my Knight In Shining Armor
No love
sitting here staring at the closed door, i dont even know what for
the thoughts in my head are what make me feel dead, but then i remember its just in my head not what anyones said.
the times at school when u look at me like a fool, the hipster that made me take a fall embarressing me infront of all
its all you that made me like this, stuck here wondering what life is?
round and round the thoughts go, just like the room bellow
the drugs are cause of the lack of hugs, while i do it tough i get no love
while i feel like im drowning in the noon day sun you are all out just having fun
leaving me here to struggle alone my mind blown
stuck in this room feeling so small, and you stand up and walk so tall
confiendent and strong i just smile and play along
fake it til you make it they say well i do everyday! but look where its got me now
here alone in this room eating a thing they call a shroom
it takes away the pang of the day
now its night fall and im not looking as tall
i take it out on those i love and blame it on the drug
i know the morning will come but it wont be any fun
just like any other day i will just lay
staring at the room around and listening to every single sound
freaking out and affraid feeling betrayed
here goes another day wasted and feeling low why dont i say good bye and just fall bellow