My eyes feel heavy
Simmering and hot
Like the canela I drink to lower my blood sugar
I dream of you leaving
Entering that hotel
And me: motionless, helpless, and waiting
You want to eat the world
And I want to eat with you
You want to fly and feel
I want to fly and feel you: your heartbeat, your breathing, your stories…
I want to love with you
I want to believe your words
I want to hold your lips sacred
May be I am not as open minded as I thought I was
Maybe it’s my internalized sexism
Or maybe I learned to hold on to what I love with all my might and strength
And maybe I just don’t know how to love
But I want to re-learn it ******!
I want to hold you
And warn you that what’s out there ain’t always cute and cuddly
That these men we call our lovers will tell you anything
Make you lose whatever little dignity you have
Whatever little love you got left
To fill you up with their flesh, *****, lust, damage.
I’ve been with these men, these men we have fantasies with, these men that will touch us but won’t feel us, **** us, but won’t kiss us, **** us but won’t hear us. And you dream of these men, and you touch yourself thinking of these men, but these men will never make contact with your deeper self, con tu espiritu, con tu corazon.
Not to say I’m not possessive, overwhelming and impatient. I just want to hold you under the rain, and let you know it’s ok to be wet, but not soaking the whole day (pretending to be dry.)
Good Night
All to say, our mother’s are right: be careful out there.
