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"erasure" poems
I'm a lot gayer than originally planned. ******* Gay. But I'm worried about the concept; not sure if it's right to use the word “gay” when (I'm sorry I said it) I'm really bisexual, just particularly into women right now. Like, is that bad representation of my sexuality? Only encouraging bi-erasure? It just doesn't have the same “umph” to say I'm feeling particularly bisexual today. But I've been telling myself over and over that it's okay, no matter what I'm feeling today. I don't need your box anymore.
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Jan 24, 2015
Jan 24, 2015 at 1:33 PM UTC
Gay I?
for Harlon Rivers the river potion, the river portent, the river potent it is all of these and not one he is bank sided, observing the false idols, the image mirrored in the glass of the river transfigured molecularly he becomes something ferried frothily, forcefully as if a twig or a small thing of human manufacture, an object tossed up airborne-repeatedly his poetry: the clash of particles at the many junctions of objects and water, eddies and the currents, ceaselessly circumnavigating,   searching revisionary pathways directed, but randomized, prisoner of the flows, servant to the wind's directives and the earths magnetic indivisible undulating waves thinking, this life, its unsteady gait,  the irreverent wavering of drunkenness resultant from potent potions, portents of inopportune position in him, my own histories,  my poetic recordings also become water borne, watermarked, replayed back for me, for erasure, censure, closure and rededication this River is a tapestry, a torn map, drawn on broken shards of slivered water, living with all the others but we, are the untitled, we, are the un-entitled, and he is the Rivers <•>
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Aug 17, 2017
Aug 17, 2017 at 2:36 PM UTC
For Harlon: The River Potion
death mourns a life that succumbs to suicide... classical lawless-ness? calls the jyst... a thieving; a stolen death, a suicide.... bride riddled to a bridge... baking... left half awake and half baked... you count with the number of blinding equations... your 80+ segments? i want nothing to be part of, whether polymath, bilingual, or polymath... you resd yourself into "it".... fuck you, and... **** off... in terms of .gif ***** files... no... the part where we don't parrot? for no worthwhile surprise! death is alal b & w... memory? all invigorating sepia... life? the blooming of color... you take shrooms, to invigorate the colors?! oh look... you're as loony as me... and why would i give a **** about your tall-tales of subversive religiosity?! you're right! like you have been with me to begin with... there aren't any! now?! suffer! you're in good hands... turns out?! i'm a sadist... i somehow tested the pain on myself... i enjoy... the pain, of others, having, prior, teased the pain on, myself! i forgot teasing the pain... i taste it... i welcome it... i've become welcoming in allowing it, a stature abbreviating a transcendence of victim-hood! i need pain, to craft an erasure of ever having the capacity to instruct a modus operandi for pleasure! death contra suicide... a fact contra a premature contest of pleasure... suicide is what death calls thief... there is no moral artifact of a "question"... suicide is the thief, when death is the executioner... what moral question is to be entertained? non! i can't blame the mortality arsonist... less Tartarus and more Gehenna... less S.S. and more khaki S.A. night of the broken windows and less... hyper-Hindu reincarnation, hue hue grey... woo woo the ashen pillage... no... i'm not here for the cinder and the ******** it's enough that i drink the sort of excuse, that sober people could hardly make excuses about... and that's enough... and enough, is, where i'll stick to.
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Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 10:22 PM UTC
death is robbed via suicide, i want to rob death of of its stature
death mourns a life that succumbs to suicide... classical lawless-ness? calls the jyst... a thieving; a stolen death, a suicide.... bride riddled to a bridge... baking... left half awake and half baked... you count with the number of blinding equations... your 80+ segments? i want nothing to be part of, whether polymath, bilingual, or polymath... you resd yourself into "it".... fuck you, and... **** off... in terms of .gif ***** files... no... the part where we don't parrot? for no worthwhile surprise! death is alal b & w... memory? all invigorating sepia... life? the blooming of color... you take shrooms, to invigorate the colors?! oh look... you're as loony as me... and why would i give a **** about your tall-tales of subversive religiosity?! you're right! like you have been with me to begin with... there aren't any! now?! suffer! you're in good hands... turns out?! i'm a sadist... i somehow tested the pain on myself... i enjoy... the pain, of others, having, prior, teased the pain on, myself! i forgot teasing the pain... i taste it... i welcome it... i've become welcoming in allowing it, a stature abbreviating a transcendence of victim-hood! i need pain, to craft an erasure of ever having the capacity to instruct a modus operandi for pleasure! death contra suicide... a fact contra a premature contest of pleasure... suicide is what death calls thief... there is no moral artifact of a "question"... suicide is the thief, when death is the executioner... what moral question is to be entertained? non! i can't blame the mortality arsonist... less Tartarus and more Gehenna... less S.S. and more khaki S.A. night of the broken windows and less... hyper-Hindu reincarnation, hue hue grey... woo woo the ashen pillage... no... i'm not here for the cinder and the ******** it's enough that i drink the sort of excuse, that sober people could hardly make excuses about... and that's enough... and enough, is, where i'll stick to.
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90
distended the pearls are red and uncovered upon my mistakes. erasure taunts. something stirs unbidden strangely familiarity dissolves in tears suddenly distant the sun streaks through the black waves nothing works anymore - Vijayalakshmi Harish 02.01.2013 Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
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Jan 2, 2013
Jan 2, 2013 at 5:03 AM UTC
Perfectionism
I’ve never felt so tranquil while so numb. It’s like leaving while staying still, a calm pulse in nothing, music without a sound, *** without a body. It’s an erasure of strides in snow and slush, a dissolving act, the cackle of a wholesome child. Pure and imperfect. Today, I am drifting downstream, riding the cherry blossoms. And I’m not stopping this time, I’m not checking out, waking up or falling asleep. The stars will kiss me and I will drink their light. I am no longer afraid. - by Aleksander Mielnikow | Alek the Poet
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Dec 31, 2019
Dec 31, 2019 at 3:14 PM UTC
Fear
”against your will were you created, against your will were you born, against your will do you live, against your will will you die, and against your will will you stand in judgment before the King of kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.” Rabbi Elazar HaKappar (C.170 - C.200 CE) (Ha Kappar: the one who made and gave atonement) <§> ***in these, the years of my erosive declination, when the noble prize, time for introspection, once was a chore of delaying, now no longer can be off-put, the certainties of Elazar, offer guidable satisfactions*** ***the nighttime review, resurrecting my life, the gaps, the untaken actions, those dream-schemes speak loudest, memories of what should have been, are a litany of what ifs, prosecutorial accusations of crass wastage*** ***against my will, the charges brought, against my will, plead guiltily my innocence, against my will, knowingly, time’s erasure judgment, secures my fate, all the granular cells causal dissipation*** ***my warped willingness to be a coward, it was my meditative, to natural be the lesser man, choosing the safety premise, the road most oft trod, the addition of my meager totality, willing given*** Even if all these land mine/roadblocks and summary judgements are against my will, willingly do I confess, in all innocence, my guilt, “if it be my will”
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Apr 4, 2021
Apr 4, 2021 at 2:45 PM UTC
Against your will
Substantial quadrants of hate Throughout these veins circulate Spiraling in frenzied states Adrift an ailing coma Infinite corruption clawed my corneas Birthing the erasure of euphoria Imprinting trademarks of memoria Leaving in wake vile aromas All confidence dissolved to solvents Due to definitive involvement Susceptible to gaunt installments Marring my skin with melanoma Mother Earth serves as a mime Humanity must be refined © 2012 (All rights reserved)
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Feb 4, 2012
Feb 4, 2012 at 1:23 AM UTC
Yesteryear
The dictionary was our savior. We turned to it when straits were dire. It gave mystical advice. It absolved responsibility. Well this time This time It told me to jump into the abyss Disappear into the ether And tempting as that is A release An erasure A finality Tempting tempting tempting I know how much it would mean to you So I resolve To only visit temporarily To make my escape brief - And return all the more brighter Refreshed and gleaming Restrained only by human form Oh severe mother of mine! To pin me to this physical form! And merciful father! To birth me unto being! One day I will transcend But for now A brief escape will have to do.
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Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 4:25 PM UTC
Tempting tempting tempting
Custody, first a checkerboard of red and white squares trapped between thick black bars. Days of the week, prisons, and I was wrongly convicted. My fingers reach for help through my metal cage, yet only receive paper cuts on the corners of divorce letters. Letters drowned in blood bleed off the page and stain my Saturdays and Sundays. Custody, now neatly separated into red and white columns, walls dividing weeks and weekends. National borders barricade one house from the other. Two countries clash in a war waged with two atomic blasts burning my culture into ash white as paper. Custody, the absence of red and the erasure of my father from the calendar taped to my mother’s refrigerator, and I’m frozen in place. Custody, a vast snow-white plane: One step forward, nothing in my future. One step backward, blizzards in my past. Custody, ground made of paper so thin, with every step, life crumples under my feet.
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Dec 19, 2018
Dec 19, 2018 at 5:50 PM UTC
Custody Calendar
rock smashes scissors break our swords Scissors cut paper tear up our poetry paper covers rock. shielded by policy we have our voices. all rock, all scissor, all paper. all spock, all lizard we do not play games, we Speak. We throw spock hands like Gang signs spit parsel tongue at pride haters we write love letters to revolution We cut red tape with our long fuzes Hit rock bottom, more bass in our Voices than god knows what to do with So we tell him exactlly where it should go. Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock They hold their pens like scissors carving history books into erasure poems We would swing our pens like swords. But no leader we trust has been elected yet. We would have a leader to guide us But snakeoil salesmen plague our trenches. There would be no snakeoil salesmen if we had a stable government We would have a stable government but the stability was sharpied out of our history books. And To history, loud voices sound like the fires of god. And are we not the voices with more bass then God knows what to do with. without words on the wind, There is no flame so aren't we fire. We all have tealights waiting in cold oven hearts. stone hearths begging for Ignition eager for bootleg promises of warmth The orange rhetoric of our future no warmer than tinders logo. or a video recording of a fireplace flickering on a flatscreen at best buy. We are distracted constantly. misdirected by Houses of paper cards origami swans we don't dare unfold Staying ignorant of the tire track liner inside. origami swans are so much more beautiful when they have secrets, right? I have a matchstick watch me strike it lit flare this paper swan into a pheonix. And hold it in my fist. there will be fire. and it will not be a metaphor But It will be a revolution And it will be a pheonix and the pheonix WILL be a metaphor The Rabbi at Temple Beth El said when a mans consumed by gods fire it is a severance from faith, a spiritual death. what have we done if not lost faith in our government? Been consumed by the fires of god. and why not tattoo pheonix feathers on our backs? at least this death gave us warmth. a home in the world's ashes. I stared at the dragons fire that stormed towards me thanked it for the oppurtunity to walk out of this world holding dragons eggs Like Daneris Tygareon and they will be real dragons. incubated by REAL fire despite this crumbling cataclysm you call a great america. Spock handed Lizards larger and louder with all the rocks paper and scissors they need to set the world on fire. To Finally see something beautiful be born. A Home that keeps them warm.
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Jun 7, 2017
Jun 7, 2017 at 12:53 AM UTC
Rock paper scissors lizard spock
rock smashes scissors break our swords Scissors cut paper tear up our poetry paper covers rock. shielded by policy we have our voices. all rock, all scissor, all paper. all spock, all lizard we do not play games, we Speak. We throw spock hands like Gang signs spit parsel tongue at pride haters we write love letters to revolution We cut red tape with our long fuzes Hit rock bottom, more bass in our Voices than god knows what to do with So we tell him exactlly where it should go. Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock They hold their pens like scissors carving history books into erasure poems We would swing our pens like swords. But no leader we trust has been elected yet. We would have a leader to guide us But snakeoil salesmen plague our trenches. There would be no snakeoil salesmen if we had a stable government We would have a stable government but the stability was sharpied out of our history books. And To history, loud voices sound like the fires of god. And are we not the voices with more bass then God knows what to do with. without words on the wind, There is no flame so aren't we fire. We all have tealights waiting in cold oven hearts. stone hearths begging for Ignition eager for bootleg promises of warmth The orange rhetoric of our future no warmer than tinders logo. or a video recording of a fireplace flickering on a flatscreen at best buy. We are distracted constantly. misdirected by Houses of paper cards origami swans we don't dare unfold Staying ignorant of the tire track liner inside. origami swans are so much more beautiful when they have secrets, right? I have a matchstick watch me strike it lit flare this paper swan into a pheonix. And hold it in my fist. there will be fire. and it will not be a metaphor But It will be a revolution And it will be a pheonix and the pheonix WILL be a metaphor The Rabbi at Temple Beth El said when a mans consumed by gods fire it is a severance from faith, a spiritual death. what have we done if not lost faith in our government? Been consumed by the fires of god. and why not tattoo pheonix feathers on our backs? at least this death gave us warmth. a home in the world's ashes. I stared at the dragons fire that stormed towards me thanked it for the oppurtunity to walk out of this world holding dragons eggs Like Daneris Tygareon and they will be real dragons. incubated by REAL fire despite this crumbling cataclysm you call a great america. Spock handed Lizards larger and louder with all the rocks paper and scissors they need to set the world on fire. To Finally see something beautiful be born. A Home that keeps them warm.
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81
Cities aren't cities, The people are the cities, she'd say, and I didn't understand what she meant until I realised That Hauz Khas was our first stroll ever, Khan Market- our best cup of coffee, Humayun Tomb- our first stolen kiss, Dilli Haat- our first quarrel, The Lodhi Gardens- our biggest quarrel! The Jama Masjid was where we'd always make up. Now I know which market sells her favourite bags, which gully keeps the anklets she loves most, which discrete stall in the by-lanes of Old Delhi is her best chaat-wallah ever, Every nook, I know by the fragrance of her memory, I try forget, I try erase, But oh, I remember, For she is my Delhi Delhi is her, only her, The city of first love, first dreams, a million rights, a devastating wrong, The city that now stings with the thorns That make my feet bleed when I try to enter, Even with my back turned, The city hurls Stones at my fragile heart and screams at me to never return. I'll never return.
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Jun 3, 2016
Jun 3, 2016 at 2:12 PM UTC
Erasure
I have a vision Of a future Bright, joyous, And the contrast of sorrow Children skipping, giggling Darkness and light Musical notes drifting through Dramatized passion, hilarity Nature surrounding Encapsulated in cobweb of love and support Unfortuna-mentally I am at once terrified of settling - being tied down Losing independence, individuality Missing dreams - at once terrified And at once yearning With all of me For a family For a dream of forever To settle and begin such a masterpiece To commit to And be certain of The depth there in Something more important than me or mine To dedicate self Surrender Sacrifice for And again such a venture requires a partner Who shares the dream Enriches the dream Supports the dream. Contradictions, aren't we all? Or am I just yearning for the erasure of self Through divine love? Aah~ maternal instincts! Life of mine, Live out the step you're in Young one Before you yearn and plan for the next! So fresh and yet to begin - Society's great work machine awaits And the experience of other lands! Life of mine, Live the experience of now Fully Grow all the more for it Feel each pain and joy Clarify mind Build strength of self Claim a sense of identity See where it takes you...
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Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 5:16 PM UTC
The Future
Wash          *Away the memories of how         We tangled together         Like the perfect sailor’s knot         An organized intricacy           Coalescing my jumpy nerves         With your easy laughter* Rinse *The weight of your fingers          Imprinted on my scalp          A heartbreaking muscle memory         Fingers that once ran through my hair         Run to another’s touch* Repeat *This sadistic cycle of erasure          Hoping one day forgetting          Won’t be a conscious thought          That shower shall set me free.*
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Aug 16, 2013
Aug 16, 2013 at 3:43 PM UTC
Subliminal Shampoos
I wish I could tell you Tell you all my secrets So I wouldn't have to face them alone I have anxiety Which seems to be an overused term By people who will never understand the feeling Of never wanting to wake up Where reality is too much I'm asexual Meaning a lack of ****** attraction Easy right? No. Nothing can be that easy to understand Some of my friends have left me My family doesn't seem to understand How I can be asexual and have a girlfriend My mom wouldn't let me get pride shirts She allowed me a hair bow with my pride colors Because it's subtle and maybe no one will notice I have an eating disorder Binge-Eating Disorder to be exact My mom says I'm chubby My doctor says I'm approaching overweight status My friends are concerned For they know how long I can go without food They know how much I can eat It's not by choice I wish I was skinnier I wish I could control myself I wish I had control I talk to myself Like a whisper I shut out my surroundings To listen to the voices in my head And this can lead to two things Resolution or Destruction For my mind has no middle ground Struggling to resolve a situation That I've poured over with gasoline And the voices have lit the match One false move And the voices will win I'm too smart for my own good But not academically I use animals to imprint scars upon my skin I ride my scooter too fast down a hill So my knee slides across the pavement Ripping out flesh A permanent reminder That 1200 pound horse that stepped on my foot? Not an accident. When I sprained both my ankles at the same time? Not an accident. I have a gender that I can't identify I feel mostly feminine But some days I just want to be able to relax In baggy sweatpants With a muscle shirt And short hair Yet I know that if I cut my hair I will regret it the next day For my gender never seems to stay masculine for long I had a journal One that I would write in since 5th grade It wasn't a diary But it knew exactly how I felt And when the bullying became worse Turning from verbal to emotional Emotional to physical My journal suffered the waves of my tears The fissures of the ripped pages The erasure shavings left on every page Until I burned it Lit it on fire Erasing any trace of who I am So who am I you ask? My secrets lie within this poem So don't lose it For this, This is my last journal
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Apr 26, 2015
Apr 26, 2015 at 9:14 PM UTC
Journal
I wish I could tell you Tell you all my secrets So I wouldn't have to face them alone I have anxiety Which seems to be an overused term By people who will never understand the feeling Of never wanting to wake up Where reality is too much I'm asexual Meaning a lack of ****** attraction Easy right? No. Nothing can be that easy to understand Some of my friends have left me My family doesn't seem to understand How I can be asexual and have a girlfriend My mom wouldn't let me get pride shirts She allowed me a hair bow with my pride colors Because it's subtle and maybe no one will notice I have an eating disorder Binge-Eating Disorder to be exact My mom says I'm chubby My doctor says I'm approaching overweight status My friends are concerned For they know how long I can go without food They know how much I can eat It's not by choice I wish I was skinnier I wish I could control myself I wish I had control I talk to myself Like a whisper I shut out my surroundings To listen to the voices in my head And this can lead to two things Resolution or Destruction For my mind has no middle ground Struggling to resolve a situation That I've poured over with gasoline And the voices have lit the match One false move And the voices will win I'm too smart for my own good But not academically I use animals to imprint scars upon my skin I ride my scooter too fast down a hill So my knee slides across the pavement Ripping out flesh A permanent reminder That 1200 pound horse that stepped on my foot? Not an accident. When I sprained both my ankles at the same time? Not an accident. I have a gender that I can't identify I feel mostly feminine But some days I just want to be able to relax In baggy sweatpants With a muscle shirt And short hair Yet I know that if I cut my hair I will regret it the next day For my gender never seems to stay masculine for long I had a journal One that I would write in since 5th grade It wasn't a diary But it knew exactly how I felt And when the bullying became worse Turning from verbal to emotional Emotional to physical My journal suffered the waves of my tears The fissures of the ripped pages The erasure shavings left on every page Until I burned it Lit it on fire Erasing any trace of who I am So who am I you ask? My secrets lie within this poem So don't lose it For this, This is my last journal
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79
Thoughts of you rain down with the falling sky Onto my skin, it soaks it in Thoughts of you take the shape of water Then transform into paper boats And drown in our conversations My memory becomes subject to erasure You extract poetry from forgotten moments Thoughts of you hold my hand when I’m lost And mold into a compass when I’m in need of remembering something that was good for me
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Jan 24, 2022
Jan 24, 2022 at 4:21 AM UTC
Thoughts of you
Into a bow, I folded paper wakame and ate it. Intentionally. Compulsive behaviors include : Ingredients such as : relativity , perspective taught me how to turn something flat three-dimensional and visa-versa. The Unfamilliar, not-yet-integrated uncertain if it could be capitalized on, forms of existing somehow gathered shame exposure sexuality erasure childhood memory determination in tasting. I would like my appetite back when you are finished evaluating Above the water horizon, where none of us can see, everything is different. : I can't believe I keep forgetting.
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Apr 18, 2016
Apr 18, 2016 at 3:46 PM UTC
Value
All alone with no place to call home A vagrant called The Wanderer roams Destitute and resigned to his solitude No one to miss him or care that he’s gone Immortalized with the mark of Sloan He thrives amongst forgotten gravestones To restore their legacy is why he intrudes For systemic erasure he believes society must atone All alone with no place to call home A vagrant called The Wanderer roams Destitute and resigned to his solitude No one to miss him or care that he’s gone Empathy drives this misguided untomb Generations of oppressors he seeks to dethrone Reality remains an unfamiliar interlude For to delusion The Wanderer is prone All alone with no place to call home A vagrant called The Wanderer roams Destitute and resigned to his solitude No one to miss him or care that he’s gone All alone with no place to call home A hero called The Wanderer roams Complacent in his intrepid pursuit Unfaltering ‘till the world sees glory of Arawn
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Dec 6, 2018
Dec 6, 2018 at 8:50 AM UTC
Ballad of The Wanderer
*Start 1 with bright light imagining unconfined no inner or outer a wish arises for something other any crumb will do.. with the finding of that crumb a jolt startles from a slumber.. Start 2 with lowly crumb imagining containment outer no inner a wish arises for boundary erasure a merging with bright light.. with the finding a jolt startles from a slumber.. breathwork:  12121212...*
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May 4, 2013
May 4, 2013 at 6:42 PM UTC
Syrophoenician Woman
Yeah, I guess you could say that. I seem to be past the hex. I have a job again, one I like. I'm teaching. But I can't help but hear that song from Wizard of Oz play over and over in my head. No. Ha ha. I wish it were that one. No, it's the one that kicks up as they leave the poppy field. "You're outta the woods, you're outta the woods." That song is so hopeful yet undercut by something looming, inevitable, a bigger fall to come. Sure, I still think of her. But what I was getting at earlier is that I feel like I'm at this point in my life, this middleplace, where the abstraction of love, the mysticism of the body, all of that ****** fog seems to be clearing. The people around me are plucked white, devoid of any raw, genuine sentiment. They view the body in a way so clinical. I only hear of its limitations or its capacity to bear children. Peter Pan Syndrome? Maybe. But if the body is reduced to its most rudimentary boundaries and functions and not treated as an instrument of erasure or alchemy, then what's the point? Yes, she and I talked about kids, but that was always so far away. At this point, I don't know that I want them. Her? That's hard to say. I'll concede that the happiest moments of my life involve her. But, and I see the irony here, on some fundamental, unsexy level, we enabled poor behaviors, addictions. We both suffered from depression and didn't know how to dig each other out. I never see her in a negative light though. You look surprised. I don't. There she is and there are all other women. She's fifty feet tall in my mind. A femme titan. Whipsmart, funny, kind.
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Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018 at 12:04 PM UTC
Conversation VIII
Yeah, I guess you could say that. I seem to be past the hex. I have a job again, one I like. I'm teaching. But I can't help but hear that song from Wizard of Oz play over and over in my head. No. Ha ha. I wish it were that one. No, it's the one that kicks up as they leave the poppy field. "You're outta the woods, you're outta the woods." That song is so hopeful yet undercut by something looming, inevitable, a bigger fall to come. Sure, I still think of her. But what I was getting at earlier is that I feel like I'm at this point in my life, this middleplace, where the abstraction of love, the mysticism of the body, all of that ****** fog seems to be clearing. The people around me are plucked white, devoid of any raw, genuine sentiment. They view the body in a way so clinical. I only hear of its limitations or its capacity to bear children. Peter Pan Syndrome? Maybe. But if the body is reduced to its most rudimentary boundaries and functions and not treated as an instrument of erasure or alchemy, then what's the point? Yes, she and I talked about kids, but that was always so far away. At this point, I don't know that I want them. Her? That's hard to say. I'll concede that the happiest moments of my life involve her. But, and I see the irony here, on some fundamental, unsexy level, we enabled poor behaviors, addictions. We both suffered from depression and didn't know how to dig each other out. I never see her in a negative light though. You look surprised. I don't. There she is and there are all other women. She's fifty feet tall in my mind. A femme titan. Whipsmart, funny, kind.
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6
? this dawn was a laughing she s p i ll in - g staccato chromatic cacophony on blind tissue (erasure of inky displacement speaks of erroneous discrimination) happy her make crimson vibrations casting off her melancholic i
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Apr 26, 2010
Apr 26, 2010 at 5:08 PM UTC
this dawn was
I lay one night under a wan lamp-light Thinking of the pursuit of absolutes. I couldn’t find the needed time To analyze what I wanted to. So - This thinking slowly turned to dreaming And later these few things I did recount, - A vacant view of wasting progress, A reversal of streams to their fount. A deconstruction of action, some cosmic reduction, Some flight of things that mattered. The inexorable picking of lock-step existing- Dreamfields broken. Syntax battered. Then this slowing movement rose To some crest in my mocking mind; And in horror, I met the morrow with new respect for the conceptually refined- For the march of progress, the passion in potential, The power of merely thinking! For in our discourses of absolute forces What could be worse than the erasure of meaning?
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May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 12:08 AM UTC
Good and Evil
It is usually best to avoid crushing hopelessness, to swerve and defer disaster, but even so the world is well and truly ****** up. Seek solutions to this conundrum. Try to avoid curiosity, a pernicious strain of insanity that conjures up irrational fears of orangutangs with meat cleavers, lethally ascetic Tibetan monks, bathroom carpets of abandoned razors or Big Macs rife with E. Coli. Avoid metaphysical musings that lead to questions of coleslaw, vegan water parks, the Team Quadraplegic Gymnastics squad and the horrors of the Hilary Clinton Naked Network. Seek refuge in the present tense to escape the interrogation of mirrors, the crafted answer, dacryphilia, remedial rage, landslides of therapy and memorizing each month's horoscope. Consider that mercy is on back order from God. Remember the best lines of an unread book. Nap on a battlefield; haggle over imaginary debts. Set fire to the umbrellas of passing strangers. Stop to watch the loudness and burn the recovered dead. Call up new magic for a dying world. Find beauty in the irradiated glow of burning cities. Try not to bounce existential checks or notice the crumbling of distant walls, ruined outhouses, and the immense bleakness of forever and ever. Take up training small rodents and lighting holy fires. Ignore the broken stars, long dead and beyond grief. Discover the pleasure in erasure, enjoy the biology of strangeness. Walk many miles without a map beneath innumerable ladders carefully detouring around immense flocks of rabid cassowaries. Throttle the recalcitrant blue sky's silent throat. Listen to the melody of car wrecks and smashed guitars. Abandon assumed corpses to dreams of endless cold. Appreciate futures you cannot believe in but never visit them. Learn to diagram sentences in Esperanto then speak with toads. Ignore the slot machine odds against your deepest desires. Hide beneath the ravenous trees from time's famished maw. Seek sanctuary in toothy optimism and complete amnesia. Follow these impossible instructions to the letter and you will become non-valent, invisible, immune and no longer notice the world is ****** up beyond redemption. Go on, give it a try.   ~mce
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Dec 5, 2015
Dec 5, 2015 at 10:53 AM UTC
Directions For Surviving The Surrealistic Apocalypse
It is usually best to avoid crushing hopelessness, to swerve and defer disaster, but even so the world is well and truly ****** up. Seek solutions to this conundrum. Try to avoid curiosity, a pernicious strain of insanity that conjures up irrational fears of orangutangs with meat cleavers, lethally ascetic Tibetan monks, bathroom carpets of abandoned razors or Big Macs rife with E. Coli. Avoid metaphysical musings that lead to questions of coleslaw, vegan water parks, the Team Quadraplegic Gymnastics squad and the horrors of the Hilary Clinton Naked Network. Seek refuge in the present tense to escape the interrogation of mirrors, the crafted answer, dacryphilia, remedial rage, landslides of therapy and memorizing each month's horoscope. Consider that mercy is on back order from God. Remember the best lines of an unread book. Nap on a battlefield; haggle over imaginary debts. Set fire to the umbrellas of passing strangers. Stop to watch the loudness and burn the recovered dead. Call up new magic for a dying world. Find beauty in the irradiated glow of burning cities. Try not to bounce existential checks or notice the crumbling of distant walls, ruined outhouses, and the immense bleakness of forever and ever. Take up training small rodents and lighting holy fires. Ignore the broken stars, long dead and beyond grief. Discover the pleasure in erasure, enjoy the biology of strangeness. Walk many miles without a map beneath innumerable ladders carefully detouring around immense flocks of rabid cassowaries. Throttle the recalcitrant blue sky's silent throat. Listen to the melody of car wrecks and smashed guitars. Abandon assumed corpses to dreams of endless cold. Appreciate futures you cannot believe in but never visit them. Learn to diagram sentences in Esperanto then speak with toads. Ignore the slot machine odds against your deepest desires. Hide beneath the ravenous trees from time's famished maw. Seek sanctuary in toothy optimism and complete amnesia. Follow these impossible instructions to the letter and you will become non-valent, invisible, immune and no longer notice the world is ****** up beyond redemption. Go on, give it a try.   ~mce
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#(for the Woman, and the Cowards who Fear Her) *she was never too much— only too alive for those who mistook control for strength and silence for peace. her becoming was not a performance. it was a war— and the ones who claimed to love her dropped their weapons only to place their hands around her throat in the name of order. they called her chaotic, but it was their cowardice that feared the shape she would take if left untouched by their grip. they chose the seductress, the one who dances at the edge of her own erasure— pliant, priestess of their small gods, goddess of their easy pleasure. but the true woman is not a priestess of men;* she is a temple unto herself. *and to know her, to truly see her, requires the man to suffer. to suffer her beauty without owning it. to suffer her fire without extinguishing it. to suffer the rise of a soul that will not yield to his fear of being seen as less. he must descend into the fragmentation that makes him reach for control— and there, only there, may he begin to rise. and she? she is not waiting anymore. she was always the fire. and the fire needs nothing but its own spark to blaze.* #
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Apr 25, 2025
Apr 25, 2025 at 7:00 AM UTC
She Was Always the Fire
In Room 204 of the Lancaster Motel, I ease myself into the bath. Music plays. It's the kind of pan flute and finger-picked guitar tune you hear over fuzzed out speakers in grocery stores. I don't know the source. The place smells of mildew and cheap coffee and self pleasure and Febreeze. I'm tired. More tired than I've ever been, I think. Do I still have a job? Until I call in to check, I suppose. And I suppose this pocket knife will have to do. I never seem to have a corkscrew on hand when my mood calls for wine. I stab and jimmy the cork until I can pry it loose with my teeth. A few bits of cork float on the surface of the wine. This does not stop me, nor slow me. Pollyanna and I stayed in 206, a detail that calls attention to itself, a detail that longs for a poetic phrase, yet I feel little other than the dull thud of coincidence. I remember asking her before that first time if she thought of *** as a form or erasure or addition. She said both sounded nice. And something in the way she said nice, led me to believe she landed on an unspoken third option.  I no longer had an appetite for *** that evening, but we acted on it to satisfy expectation. She turned down the air conditioner, and we laid there shivering and saying little. She told me not to leave her. I said I wouldn't. I'm in the tub now and the bottle is almost empty and all of this is so selfish and stupid and I'm just doing it for the sake of habit and sad sack poetry and ultimately an "I-Eat-Pussy" consolation fedora in heaven. And I'm self aware but the trajectory spirals against my will. And my life entire burns a little slapstick, so I get outside of myself--watch, enjoy.
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Nov 5, 2018
Nov 5, 2018 at 9:26 PM UTC
Hanger-On
In Room 204 of the Lancaster Motel, I ease myself into the bath. Music plays. It's the kind of pan flute and finger-picked guitar tune you hear over fuzzed out speakers in grocery stores. I don't know the source. The place smells of mildew and cheap coffee and self pleasure and Febreeze. I'm tired. More tired than I've ever been, I think. Do I still have a job? Until I call in to check, I suppose. And I suppose this pocket knife will have to do. I never seem to have a corkscrew on hand when my mood calls for wine. I stab and jimmy the cork until I can pry it loose with my teeth. A few bits of cork float on the surface of the wine. This does not stop me, nor slow me. Pollyanna and I stayed in 206, a detail that calls attention to itself, a detail that longs for a poetic phrase, yet I feel little other than the dull thud of coincidence. I remember asking her before that first time if she thought of *** as a form or erasure or addition. She said both sounded nice. And something in the way she said nice, led me to believe she landed on an unspoken third option.  I no longer had an appetite for *** that evening, but we acted on it to satisfy expectation. She turned down the air conditioner, and we laid there shivering and saying little. She told me not to leave her. I said I wouldn't. I'm in the tub now and the bottle is almost empty and all of this is so selfish and stupid and I'm just doing it for the sake of habit and sad sack poetry and ultimately an "I-Eat-Pussy" consolation fedora in heaven. And I'm self aware but the trajectory spirals against my will. And my life entire burns a little slapstick, so I get outside of myself--watch, enjoy.
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47
pebbles over the eyes beautiful vacancies and folded hands our true home land of inanimate flesh gray skin in sunken grave beds and operas theater of mice while tumbled hair still grows we are already dead waiting for the flaming barge necropolis; to shuttle seas raven vanishing point age; a slow erasure the mind still wreathed into the torrents of life morals transmute into desires lost every inhalation a going going gone the only savage kisses; crypt tongues slow unwinding allusions of a destiny abandoned forgotten   from niggling chatter and the price of a chicken bathing in a tide pool abyss of inked black teas i hold fast losing steps a worn animal, waiting till sanctuary comes
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Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 3:23 PM UTC
Vatic