A thought just came,
what would happen if unnature remains same,
nature remains same,
and
suddenly human got vanish but
things made by human remains same?
same thing will happen,
that is happening,
next creature after human,
may use the entirity as natural,
may envisage the entirity as natural.

Keeping a thought to himself though he wants it to be spoken.
Undesiring not to speak but his incapability wouldnt let him.
Residing in his lips are the words that he would just want to say.
That wont ever happen since his speech box is broken and those words can never be in play.

Caged in his soul is a song that he can never sing.
Often picked at and frequently treated by others like he is somewhat other people's play thing.
Very carefully he observes the entirity of his sorrounding world.
Executing to let out a speech but you wont hear him saying a single word.
Never may he be able to talk with moving lips, but he can converse with you with his fingers and up to its tips.

Pronouncing his syllables in an endless string of silence.
Accentuating his ideals though to some it wont make any sense.
Gesture after gesture he will tell what it is that he has been needing to say.
Unsure of those endless quiet battles he only wish he could slay.
In his somewhat voiceless soul lies the need to yell a thousand phrases.
Residing in his spirit is a muted volume that cannot be erased even if he pleases.
In his mind lives a storm that he can hardly calm.
Greeting a tragic scene of a great noiseless loneliness that will never be gone.
All he knows is that his unending silence is a tool,  that may one day change the world.
Nothing is sure but it is a disguised gift from the lord.

A day may come when his greatest obstacle ends.
Beauty of being able to speak freely without the use of his hands.
A fine morning that will one day shine him a light.
Letting him to express him self in a whole new way in his right.
Only in a given moment that only time can give.
Such a day will come when god gives him what he has asked to receive.

i thought about you yesterday.
despite all the pain you caused me and all the chaos our whole entirity and togetherness was i saw our photo and two years ago today notice and my heart wept for us. you and i it wept. writing this now i feel it in the back of my throat that wreched aching of sorrow and sadness it began to overwhelm me, i swear right then and there in that moment i still loved you and my world could crumble and it wouldn’t matter. it matters. today i missed you walking through the halls of a place i last was and only had been with you before, and here i was walking through looking at the same jeans i had picked out and bought for you, as my new love was buying bullets at the other counter. i was so choked up i just wanted to run out of the building as fast as i could and never look back but i just stood there with this terrible feeling in the back of my throat and swallowed it, then walked out with my boyfriend to his car and we drove away. i couldn’t stop thinking about how guilty i felt and still feel for thinking about you. now i just watched a video and i see your ****** hand and all those times of you throwing yourself into walls and into the earth into objects all of those terrible flashbacks flood the back of my eyelids and i can’t help but cry. I’m full of worry if you still do those things still if you only did those things when we were together was it all just one terrible nightmare of a show or is that how you are and always will be. did you hurt yesterday too? was that as sad for you as it was for me? i don’t have a journal but ill be buying one soon. i just needed to get out these feelings my head was cluttered i was feeling overwhelmed with sadness for my old heart. i pray to god that you are okay and just fine without me and i pray i didn’t make a huge mistake because i think we may be much better off without each other. all we did together was struggle and hurt. but if i see you ever walking the streets and ill look at you with deep eyes because no one could ever understand the struggles we had to go through together i don’t know anyone of this day and age like us that ever felt the poverty and ache and all the hurt that the world is capable of, we experienced that together and stuck by each other no matter how terrible it was and i will always respect us both for that.

You say and i heard -
the ease of this pain,
the taming of the winds.

Howling the unspoken,
never knowing the light of things

is easily dismissed.
An imagined feeling,
a dreamful wish and such fancies.

How many times have you visited
and left messages and crumbs?

Seeing the entirity
before it ended,
and your footprints lifting me
until i flew across the sky
this dead night in the daylight.

Every snake and folly trampled on
and the dirt roads travelled us far from each place,
led me back without you.

So i listen now,
the silent vows fulfill themselves

in time.

Look me in the eyes and let me take you in.  
Let me feel your warmth across my skin,
I need to be close to you, seeing the galaxies in your eyes.
My life is beeming, I hope this wont be my demise.

Let me breathe you in,
feel your life circle within.
I want to feel your entirity until I am all done.
Touch me as I touch you, feeling as one.
Feel my soul, as my heart starts to pound, knowing that I cant even make a sound.
I smile, thats all I can do, when inside I just shriek.
Oh god, you make me so weak..

I want to be on your elemental plane,
touching and feeling you all over again.
I want to see into your soul,
touch every atom of your whole.
Send my sorrow, send my happiness, send my love for you.
In return to feel your pain, your joys, until our time is through.
We are spirits endlessly circling our own oblivion,
but you make me feel as I can actually live again.

The flowers are blooming in my soul.
Burning embers, just like coal.
Learning, trusting and seeing my way,
I may be entering into a brand new day.

I need to be close to you and feel your breath against my skin.
I want to give you everything that I have ever been..

It's interesting to learn to love yourself,
when you hadn't known before that you didn't.

To learn to love the sound of your voice
without knowing you thought it was grating.

To learn to love the color of your eyes
before realizing you thought their grey was dull.

To learn to love your skin, even,
as you come to understand you have always wanted to claw it off.

To learn to love your idiosyncracies
as you discover that they irritated you to no end.

To learn to love yourself in your entirity
even as you learn you had resigned yourself to being unlovable,

to yourself or anyone else.
(Especially anyone else)

It's interesting to learn to love yourself,
when you don't fully comprehend your own self-hate.

h.f.m.

Like nothing I write matters anymore?
Go back to writing in books?
Wasn’t there a purpose for writing in the stanza?
Wasn’t there a purpose for coloring to begin at?

Wasn’t there a purpose to help humanity with the non-begs of entirity though proof-work of somethings?

Wasn’t there a non-place though an at-place at purposing with words?
Word and or non-endeavor though word for placing action at for placing?
Wasn’t there a means for some type of entell where others can read and where others can see a pass-by of art?

Why anything at all I question myself as I realize not my body yet but realize there may not be a purpose to anything at all when so much has been done and not a thank you Clarissa for having written/action-ed/placed/…

It’s like what good is anything of doings when feasts are barely feasts and become rather a laugh-at
For it’s that majority prefer to, laugh-at rather than laugh-with.

It’s that there hadn’t been no pleasure in minds though rather seeking pleasure for that as

I can’t recall a place socially anymore online where there was appreciation for statuses re-mongst books or school-type shares with acknowledgement. Besides many of those people are dead not already but somewhere amongst the lines.

It’s never like I say internal but saying like over and over again can by very funny. I don’t want to think about how many have gone about speaking of the word like with everything in between as though it’s humanity though I have written there and that is the truth: Like… Somehow seems to fly by very as easy.

Back to belief in how it may be more to the structure of not writing anywhere is no longer a means for I have done that already and I can’t not not help it.

My body is where I is.

© Clarissa van Vreden

Life many questions
Nothing seems to surptise
I don't know what to do to go forth
Left in entirity
As a questionable
Life takes its toll
One again drained to the core
I do not know how to go further more