So tired of the phrase...if I have to explain you would'nt understand....
I want to explain so you will understand,
what makes me this way, who I am.
Explain the hurt, the misery...
the demons I deal with...the me you don't see.
I want you to understand so you don't cross that invisible line...
the line you stomp on unknowingly, oh so many times.
I want to explain, damit, just for mankind sake...
when you come back from hell, don't think  nothing changed!

Borne forth from darkness into light

A child is born this Christmas night

A Mother’s pain is turned to joy

as she swaddles her little boy.



Their habitation is the place

where beasts of burden spend the night.

Their bodies' heat the only warmth

on this cold and bitter night.



This child shall be called many things:

A fraud, a Myth, the King of Kings.

But Mary’s heart, a secret minds

This is the son of the Divine.



This night is born to us a King:

A true judge of the soul’s gain and loss,

whose wisdom will enflame men’s minds.

whose arms embrace us from the cross.

Good morning, dear poetess,
How your words open my heart,
Awaken my mind,
Touch my soul.

Good morning, dear poetess,
How you enflame my passion,
Enlighten my thoughts,
Make me whole.

Good morning, dear poetess,
How your words encourage me,
Make my tears well,
Make my thoughts roll.

Good morning, dear poetess,
How you strengthen me,
Make me aware,
Let me reach each goal.

Good morning, dear poetess,
Thank you...
For being you...
For sharing you...
Thank you....

This little vault, this narrow room,
Of Love and Beauty is the tomb;
The dawning beam, that ‘gan to clear
Our clouded sky, lies darken’d here,
For ever set to us: by Death
Sent to enflame the World Beneath.
’Twas but a bud, yet did contain
More sweetness than shall spring again;
A budding Star, that might have grown
Into a Sun when it had blown.
This hopeful Beauty did create
New life in Love’s declining state;
But now his empire ends, and we
From fire and wounding darts are free;
  His brand, his bow, let no man fear:
  The flames, the arrows, all lie here.

Do you know what it means to butcher?
To assault, to inflict,
To incite, to enflame?
To maraud in entirety?
To usher the kind of, “****,”
And with one word, maybe two,
Wherein even butterflies bleed
Amnesia –

And so,

She's ill and wrought under cover,
In between legs,
Pushing,
Pulling,
Throbbing,
Coming,
Crying,
Wanting, and crying again.

Tears atop whimpering the,
“Other’s,” name,
But screaming for
One, the only, “one,”
The lonely, “one,”
Solely one,
Done, and the one broken
Promise – I’d never come home?

And so,

I should have been jealous,
But I wasn’t.
I should have murdered,
But I couldn’t.
In their stead,
I silently tucked that knife
A little deeper
Mumbling, “sorry,”
For the first time in years
And making good on fear –
“Good bye,” and ensuing long walk away.

It was a cold winter morning
I was walking down the streets
There was an eerie silence on the road
Emptiness was filling me to a point of anxiety
Deathly loss this couldn't be real
I can’t stand I can’t be real

On the cold winter morning it
Was a time before the light
Enflame the tides and turn around
When you can’t see me die
The cold had froze me up
And I was there suffocating

You stood there like a hurricane and
Everybody lost control,
The music’s turned up loud when
The days are passing by
They start to turn around and see
The emptiness that was killing me

Oh nothing can save you now
No one would help me out they said

Then there came this lady
Helped me out in the dark
Her voice was so soothing that it
Chased the emptiness away

Come, he who seeks my disquiet,
Does it please you to see my total fury?
Must you enrage my soul, enflame my emotions?
You’ve awoken the volcano in me, and it writhes in waves of anger,
So be it.

Come, he who seeks my grief,
Does it give you satisfaction to see my despair?
Must you depress my heart, dampen my sentiments?
You’ve awoken the ocean in me, and it flows in waves of sadness,
So be it.

Come, he who seeks my insanity,
Does it comfort you to see my struggle?
Must you sever my mind, obliterate my senses?
You’ve awoken the cave in me, and it echoes in waves of madness.
So be it.

For just a moment
Would you slip away with me
Into dark corners of anonymity 
Could we lose the fear.
The consequence.
Can you loop your fingers in mine with the simplicity of a lover 
And push aside the flush of watching eyes.
Be the steady tide in my ocean of melancholy 
And wash away these familiar faces 
With their poison darted tongues
Glass hearts overflowing 
With the bitterness of realism and lost ideals 

Can we lose our pretences
Our falsities and masks
And let our minds meet in serenity 
Sheltered from a world of turmoil 
From wars and tears
Outward pressures and inner conflicts.
Lets live instead within honesty and earnest hearts 
In hidden tracks and secret words 
Where we can speak our own truths in roaring solitude 
In silent riots that enflame my heart and remind my soul to sing

In this moment 
Can I be nameless
Faceless 
Can I disappear into the love behind your eyes 
And be remade inside the warmth of your opened arms 
Can I vanish from the humdrum 
From the familiarity of the accepted
And walk with you down foreign streets of passion and vitality 
Hand in hand 
Two beacons alight with fire 
Standing tall against an encroaching dusk of normality and routine 

Just for now
Can we be anonymous
Can we be unknown 
Maybe then we can learn to know ourselves

Fate becomes the bitter night,
devours the Dream
bereft of sight,

betrays the Innocent

Who watches still
the Stars that fall
upon the sill.

And yet within
a Spark alights
in search of Meaning
to enflame

the Passion requisite,

that burns with raging Fury
at its Core,
and shreds all contradiction
with its with Scorn

till nothing stands
but might of Will,

Defeats the foe
who kept us still.

.
honest                                                 rawness stains the ****** white                                paper      
      heard                             ­                            in the silent                                                 pleas,
   ­         haunting                                            words as they                                           pursue,
                    hues                                        ­  vividly coloured                                     portray,
                        hunted                                 m­y dreams with                               possession,
                  ­           honouring                     language and life                       punctuating,
                         ­         haptic                    senses which enflame             passions.
                                        honed          ­       this soul, for me, i            pen

For those who, whenever they chase pavements,
stare at the adjacent road that mimics the starless night sky
And inside their heads they pretend
that they unknowingly trip on a crack on the cement,
so that they could find an excuse to use the incoming vehicle as an escape goat for life

Let's raise a glass to you for not doing so!

To the men high upon beams and chains and towers, overlooking the city skyline
filled with people tracing the sidewalks like ants in a single file,
who think to themselves: the fall will probably hurt less than the onslaught of words
coming from their wives for giving them a hard life

Let's raise a glass to you for not doing so!

I lift the crystal in my hand to the women who, no matter how battered and tattered are their skins,
choose to paint their faces with whatever powdered pallet they have
even though Rowling's metal wand sits beside their makeup inside the drawer of their dresser,
waiting for them to take their own life

Let's raise a glass to you for not doing so!

And to the students who have never gotten over their childhood traumas
and to the bullies who never outgrew the bruises from their fathers
that no matter how much it hurt you,
you never chose to end everything with a slipknot or the edge of a blade or with battery fluid you found in your garage,
I envy you

So, let's raise a glass to you too for not doing so!

I raise my half empty glass to all those who failed to take away god's gift
To the men and women who failed in fear of abandoning their children
I spill the contents of this wine glass
in honor of the sons and daughters of wealthy politicians, who succeeded in receiving eternal punishment for taking their lives
And to those who regret that they failed in their first try, please,
don't throw away your life

You are exquisite, you are tantalizing,
you are worthy of a million praises like the saints we see on mosaics and church pieces
Your works are rousing and they enflame the tiniest of sparks in at least one person's heart
be ravenous and unmerciful when improving your craft
Let's raise a glass!

Because as you are reading this, the glass of wine I have been carrying high above my head
had already spilled on the parchment where I have written these words with utmost care

So, will you raise your glass to me?

On a train to anywhere
I read scribbled love notes
from a stranger

we believe
in the narcissistic consumption of thought
is that art?

bite my dancing tongue
like electric mollasses
I slide down your throat

thoughts bleed through my sinuses
once again

but I wont give up

we live, in a cryptic sense
steps through the rubble
the things we've left behind
like a shadow of your chaos
sickly sweet soaking sugar

a finale
that doesn't have an end.

tick tock tick
enflame creativity and begin
swallow your diction
begin to feel sick
taste of acidity
like all those years ago
living in hell

eroded finger tips
and silly scars

look me in the eye
I know a lie
when I'm being raised by one

digress
into the silence of understanding
calm my tremors
hold my shaking limbs
against your ever beating chest

shivers down my spine
like blaming you

for why I am.

Listless dove
Stretched for miles
Like the land of America from the
East to West coast
Americans screaming inside their bellies
Pushing for
One
More
Dollar before
The final
Push

Atop this plastic and glass with
Plastic keys,
Images of ruby red dots with yellow eyes
Pinned to thin tree branches
Come to mind.
Rather than thinking, I listen
To the droning spray of a man
Watering his already dead garden.
Hope that life will again
Spring forth.

An old woman with a crooked neck
And a crumpled piece of scratch paper face
Waddles down the hot grey sidewalk.
Her clothes are in rags where her destination is
Unknown to me and to her.
Sometimes it is best just to go
Letting the unconscious mind take reins
Shifting one's body into a wild horse
Where soon the eyes enflame in hot red,
The hooves split into four toes instead of two,
Its tail turns rigid like an icicle, like a spike,
And it is off - whatever it is this beast transformed into -
Leaving only dust behind where it once stood.

All the drugs have been done and some friends made it,
Others didn't.
Where there is shame there is also guilt experimenting with
Experience.
A full whirl apocalyptic nightmare pressing against
The panes of clear Nordstrom glass and typewriter keys.
Bleeding ink and screaming obscenities up at the sky
As if the harsh words would bring down morbid rain.
Type all day and eventually, you'll end up in tears.
Read all day and eventually, you'll end up in the insane asylum.
Do what you hate all day and you'll end up
Like more then half of the country, starving spiritually
Anxious about the lotto numbers and the next big game.
The final score is the death bed, cold and stale, with a flat screen
Color TV you didn't even ask for.
The foods bad and nobody will talk to you except the nurses.
You see the scythe hanging out of the closet door.
Mr. Death was never too good at hide-and-seek.
There's a button to press when your bladder starts to hurt, but
You can't find it, so you *** anyway, thinking,
"This is what every great hero who died before their time
Got to miss. Lucky *******."

A lime green letter from a friend from someplace far away
Tells me I was somebody else before what I am now
When things change they get better or they get worse or everything's
Just different...how vague that word is...things are just different
What weight has changed? What colors are different? What parts
Of the body hurt more than before? Can you love or trust or **** or
Cry or moan or fear or hurt or betray the same?

Are there are things in this world that take you by the tail and whirl
You around like a boomerang, channeling all thought into a Mexican
Firecracker shooting for a pink lemonade moon reflecting Aristotle's
Worst nightmares - our nightmares! - so the dead podium where all
Who read their thoughts and share their thoughts are there too, listening,
Wondering if this is the next Kerouac or do they have the right stuff
Or Whitman or Bukowski or Plath or Woolf or Jones or or or the next
Something because every generation needs its messiah.
Every generation needs somebody to lead the way but maybe this time
We are leading the way and don't need anyone to take the lead, for we'll
All take the lead! All lead the way! All innovate and press on for a world
Without war and clean water in every faucet and guns that shoot
Flowers instead of bullets and a world where the streets of Mexico are
No longer running red with blood but with the sound of music echoing
Off the walls as if the whole city were in a grand cave filled with light,
Light of a million grandmother's kissing their grandchild's cheeks before
Their final breath. My grandmother, smiling so every wrinkle on her face
Curls like a chirping blue jay or a purring kitten; smiling so her eyes
Begin to water and she chokes by a sob of joy and sadness and knowing
Release...inevitable release! All that is living will one day die and she
Sees that in the mirror and in my eyes and her son's eyes and every
Pair of eyes in stranger's that she passes in the supermarket or on the
Street or within her dog's eyes, her precious dogs, her rocks, her life,
Her love, the only companions that die with you when you do.

Pastels upon paper mixed with water colors
The sun rises presenting a new land with an old soul
Born again, rise again, see it all again
Spilled out on the ground like water
Laying there, soaking into the ground, becoming one with the ground
An order from the general - the general germ of authority
I turn my back and walk in the opposite direction
Hearing gunfire meant for me I smile and lean my head back

Taking the weight of all of me off of me.

Sacrifice made to ride the wings of your Wind,
Only one chapter closed to begin once again.
And do I look back now to what is left behind?
How my heart breaks as we fly toward the Sun.

But not 'good-bye' said, only 'fare-thee-well,'
For those I love will I see again one bright day.
For now do I ask you to what shore we sail?
While tears sting my eyes, do I want to stay?

No, nothing grows unless something first dies,
And no season is forever, nor ever the same.
So comfort me, mothering God; wipe my eyes;
Cover me in mercy, and my courage enflame.

When you are passionate,
When you don't want it,
When you don't long for it.
When you NEED it
When the night calls your name
When you are the only person alive
When your consciousness begins to enflame
When your eyes collide with the stars
When your head spins yet focuses on one point
When your spirit is not a spirit and you are one with your body
When your arms are machines steaming and burning with glory
When your legs are a rocketship light-speed towards the moon
When you are the ARCHANGEL you always hoped for and never appeared
When it all vanishes and you are trapped only by that NEED
That HUNGER
That FLAME.

When you are ONE with the adrenaline which burns your veins into infinity
When you are your own GOD
When you are thirsty tired broken yet keep going,

When your passion renders you complete.

there are bold words spoken in haste of the moment and heat of inner battles
but thouse bold words evaporate into the haze of morning
as bleary eyed we emerge from this hostile thought
to the new day....

bold words to challenge the heart
to incite the mind
enflame the senses

but it falls to some girl loading the cannon
in the bathroom
and such folly comes to light

she is no friend

she loads to cannon with care
and shoots you
you thank her

Le jour pousse la nuit,
Et la nuit sombre
Pousse le jour qui luit
D'une obscure ombre.

L'Autonne suit l'Esté,
Et l'aspre rage
Des vents n'a point esté
Apres l'orage.

Mais la fièvre d'amours
Qui me tourmente,
Demeure en moy tousjours,
Et ne s'alente.

Ce n'estoit pas moy, Dieu,
Qu'il falloit poindre,
Ta fleche en autre lieu
Se devoit joindre.

Poursuy les paresseux
Et les amuse,
Mais non pas moy, ne ceux
Qu'aime la Muse.

Helas, delivre moy
De ceste dure,
Qui plus rit, quand d'esmoy
Voit que j'endure.

Redonne la clarté
A mes tenebres,
Remets en liberté
Mes jours funebres.

Amour sois le support
De ma pensée,
Et guide à meilleur port
Ma nef cassée.

Tant plus je suis criant
Plus me reboute,
Plus je la suis priant
Et moins m'escoute.

Ne ma palle couleur
D'amour blesmie
N'a esmeu à douleur
Mon ennemie.

Ne sonner à son huis
De ma guiterre,
Ny pour elle les nuis
Dormir à terre.

Plus cruel n'est l'effort
De l'eau mutine
Qu'elle, lors que plus fort
Le vent s'obstine.

Ell' s'arme en sa beauté,
Et si ne pense
Voir de sa cruauté
La récompense.

Monstre toy le veinqueur,
Et d'elle enflame
Pour exemple le coeur
De telle flame,

Qui la soeur alluma
Trop indiscrete,
Et d'ardeur consuma
La Royne en Crete.

You clothe me with your naked soul
On a forbidden Monday night
We enthrall ourselves with fascinations of an easy traverse
Since everything is merely surreal
We worry not on the dictations of the world
Thus, in the still of the night we ponder upon the thoughts of our bare minds
Bare but with no sense of shame nor vulnerability
In your arms, oh in those arms I feel nothing but complete serenity
You engulf me and that made me feel safe
Your sweet caress feeds my silly but profound fantasies
You keep me sane with your insanity
You are yet another miracle and you came in perfect timing because I desperately needed one
You are my escapism
From this utterly corrupted world
You are my felicity
Which I truly long for
You are my secret
Which I never intend to share
Tonight
We fall short
Tonight
We fall in love
Tonight
We enkindle amidst the darkness
Tonight
We enflame with burning desire
Tonight
We cease to exist
Tonight
We commune to live
Tonight
We made a mess
Tonight
We won't mind
Tonight
You are mine
Forever
I am yours
From this forbidden Monday night to
Forevermore.

Watching, waiting, anticipating.
These words are rhyming words
Indicative of both love and want and need
While also alluding to a form of stalking.
“Love makes us do crazy things” they say.
Well, crazy- crazy is nowhere near what I am.
I love and want and need with so much of my being
That I am no longer myself.
I am enslaved by this woman
With her hair curled loosely at its ends
With her eyes soft and blue and searching
With her hands small and expressive
With her lips shaped like rosebuds
And her spirit alight with passion.
This woman traps me in her gaze.
I am no longer myself.
I yearn to see her pass me by in the halls.
I long to run my fingers through her long, mousy brown hair.
I pine for her and all of her.
I am afraid of my captor.
Her quiet intensity makes me doubt each word I say,
Yet she encourages me to speak my mind.
I fear I will make a fool of myself,
Yet she laughs at my goofy humor.
I am afraid I am too extroverted for her liking,
Yet she smiles when she sees me.
It is my gaze, my eyes filled with laughter that make her smile.
I am afraid that this is all a hoax,
A dream, an inception, and that all of this
Is merely my imagination getting the better of me.
I try to look away
But every time her eyes meet mine
I cannot strip my gaze from hers.
I doubt she will ever feel the same
But she always ends her sentences while looking at me.
She always says words like
“Enflame”, “inspire”, “awaken”, “desire”
While looking at me.
Her soft blue orbs peer into mine for minutes
While others only get her attention in short, unimportant, instances.
This is all too much for me.
It’s far too delicate for me to bear,
Yet I know unreciprocated love and affection
Is the most inspiring.
I cannot tell if she is my love or my muse
But I love her
And I want her
And I need her
And I will never be the same.

I watched her muscle pace with confidence,
her brain slip her tongue
and her skin glow.

She was much more pretty
intelligent
stronger, smarter
better in any way I was.

In her presence,
my flaws started to pile
Insecurities started to rile
fear started to snare
and jealousy started to flare
as self-doubt enwrapped me in its flames.

But my dear,
there was no good in tearing her down.
For prying on her weakness,
was not going to paint you into completeness.
Picking out her flaws,
wasn't going to bring about any applause.
Spreading rumors about her,
wasn't going to make you any popular.
Labeling her with names,
wasn't going to bring peace to your flames.

No, my dear
the answer lied
in your flesh
your tongue
your story
your lines
your curves
your passions.
The answer lied in the very acceptance of yourself.

For that's when you will find intimidation
to be wiped with inspiration.
That's when you'll realize your rivals were never your rivals
but your allies, tribe, and companions.

So compliment,
encourage,
nurture,
love
and support yourself
and the woman around you.

Enflame hearts of others,
build one another
embrace them with understanding
and enchant their soul with compassion.

Unshackle yourself and unshackle them.
Learn from them,
applaud them,
bring out the best in them
and surround yourself with women who do the same.

Because my dear,
this is the time you'll realize how blessed you are to be surrounded by such strong, resilient and inspiring woman
who help you move forward.

Mothers. Possibly one of the significant contributors of the phrase “Empowered Women, Empower Women.” They overcome adversities, challenge social norms and break down barriers – rising and raising their child with them.

They plant flowers in the garden of their children, so they can bloom. They pour love out like a waterfall and nurture those who drink from it. They enflame hearts with compassion. They orchestrate and create harmony amongst their children creating a beautiful symphony. They pave roads and liberate. They voice out and amplify the ones of their own.

Here is to their depths of love that supports and caresses. To their cheers that uplifts. To how they raise and confront the world. To their softness. To their boldness. To their resilience. To their sacrifices. To them bringing out the best in us.

Here is to their ability to create an insurmountable power that only grows. Here is to them to being driven and passionate in their own authentic way. To them carrying out their integrity. To them setting examples, aspiring us to emulate.

To the ones who give birth, adopt, educate and raise. To the ones who devote their lives to their families care, to the ones who balance. Here is to them creating ripples carried over generation. To them shaping us and thereby shaping the world after them.

Answer with passion,
  or don’t answer at all

Cauterizing my questions
  —as ashes they fall

(Villanova Pennsylvania: April, 2019)

we bring class and brass
to this town hall of fame.

we claim this enflame wartime!
anytime its crime!

this crime spree.......
will end like are destiny.

Following the unfollowed
to follow fellow folks, felons
as I, guilty for spending life
hunting followers who may scent
flourishing fables made of fabric
filled with formidable potential.

Zestfully fleeing mafficking faces
futzing in mass lobotomy, quaffing
media fraudulent sloppiness,
fallacy of a system fearing freedom
of free thinkers unchained,
through fault of failing legacies,

Left behind by phantom slaves
and modern enslavers, as confluxes
of frantic consciousness abandon
the flow to fly high the abysses
of the unfathomable unfazed
by the fuzzy foozles of those defusing,

The fragility and clumsiness of jiffy
flickering governors baffling
enlightenment and solidarity, blocking
the path of the unfollowing where flesh
is bygone for fleeting feelings to enflame
future fundamentals,

Essentially shared,
by an evolving united and mirific
mystifying humankind.

She was one of those rare types
I called her a beautiful, frightened mess
A soul reaper she was
Yet so fragile at heart
With an intriguing *****
So tender to touch
a mouth filled with words unclear
Sweet nothings that enflame
Sweet touches that ignites
Too wise for lies
In my illusions she remains

So far away
Still in love
Real darling, still in love
So far away from yourselves

I ****** your company in your mead
Mulling over your thoughts on grapes
Over and again, coruscating fire enflame corpus
Bombs falling like catching 22 of them in the Lord's number
I'll be waiting for you in the deep immeasurable love
With a look so far away, annals of your love
That it had seen the love, should've been forbidden
But, light shines on the spoils of war
You can take or here's sugar in the teapot
Complaisant painted pictures compare and bequeathing my soul
Beyond false compare in solitude in meticulous sweets on the avid vindicating streets
Nameless on the fond stare, singing prettily into the detail