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MeanAileen Mar 2017
It's my best friend,
and my nightmere-
it's all that I love
and everything I fear.
It's my fulfillment,
my bottomless sorrow-
bringing dark thoughts
of no tomorrow.
It's my strength,
my greatest plight-
this evil addiction
I try to fight.
It's my oblivion,
my heartbreaking pain-
a toxic cloud
that's killing my brain.
It's my protection,
my paranoid lies-
the Devil himself
in crystal disguise.
It's my sanity,
my endless strife-
this methamphetamine
destroying my life.
It's my reality,
my make-believe bliss-
I just never imagined
I would end up like this....
Truth be told....
Nicole Alyssia Aug 2014
Asking me to hide my emotions
Is like asking someone
To hide a gushing wound
When the **** won't close
And the blood won't clot
Easier said than done.
Coming from someone on the outside
Who can't feel the actual pain
And would prefer
Not to see the gore
Or clean up the mess.
MeanAileen Mar 2017
I am warmhearted and icy cold,
with a pretty face that's getting old.
I am fragile yet tough as a man,
struggle thru life with no real plan.
I am petite and cuss like a trucker,
slightly naive, but I'm no sucker.
I am a sinner with a halo of gold,
an open book with secrets untold.
I am a hypocrite but always play fair,
a bleeding heart and I don't care.
I am a mother who acts like a child,
crazy, impatient and easily riled.
I am spontaneous and I am a bore,
forever forgiving, I still keep score.
I am unstable and wonderfully wise,
a ****** deviant in sweet disguise.
I am creative and self-destructive
naturally skilled and unproductive.
I am awkward and well refined,
lost, insightful and a little love-blind.
I am respected and I am addicted
shamed by burdens, self inflicted.
I am a perfectionist and I am a slob,
unbiased and shallow, an inept snob.
I am nocturnal, a creature of night,
blissfully ignorant, typically right.
I am cautious and I have no fear,
a loser and quitter, still I persevere.
I am brilliant and easily amused,
over-zealous and under-enthused.
I am impervious with wounds to heal,
a habitual liar just keepin' it real.
I am witty and weird and mean-
I am what I am.......100 Aileen.
A lil bit about who I am...
Lizzy Feb 2016
I'm smarter than
Most people i know,
But i've been cursed
With the ability to
Feel.

I have a multitude of thoughts
Being triggered every second.
Each with their own
Unique emotion.

I feel each one vividly,
And with amazing depth
Creating a storm in my head
Impossible to ignore.

My storm of emotions
Grows so strong,
It prevents the simultaneous thoughts
From being articulated
Or understood.

I can confuse myself,
And break my own heart
Because of the complexity
Of my mind.
An astounding talent, really.

My dad says I'm smart,
Too smart for my own good.
And he's probably right.

What good is a brain,
When your heart makes all the decisions?
AKIKO May 2017
Musika'y karamay
Musika'y Kaibigan
Musikay may saya sa kabila
Ng kalungkutan

Tinagpian ng musika
Ang puso kong nawasak
Sa pag-ibig nga'y nabigo
Puso ay nasaktan
Musika'y may lihim
May Luna's din palang taglay

Salamat sa iyo
Gumawa ka ng kanta
Salamat sayo at Salamat sa musika
Sa tuwina'y may karamay
Sa lahat ng oras
Sa bawat sandali
At kahit saan pa
Salamat sa musika heto na ako
At  nakapag
    MOVEON NA
Follow me >Akiko
and leave a comment
Warning! Emotions on overdrive!
What?
Warning! Cool down process starting!
Wait, what's going on?
Processing.... Processing... Processing...
I don't understand!!
Cool down failed.... Try again?
What!? I don't... What's going on?
System shutting down.
What system?
Emotions are now inaccessible.
My emotions?
Downloading Depression.
Please no, not again....
Depression installed.
Please... not now
Opening Depression.
Running Depression.
No.... please no...
Not now
Not like this
Please
Depression Permissions: Everything.
MeanAileen Mar 2017
YOU
YOU hurt me in ways
like no one else before,
cutting me deep-
right down to the core.

YOU beat me up
without lifting a hand,
reminding me exactly
where I stand.

YOU love to **** with me
building my hopes-
making me the ****
of all of your jokes.

YOU shove your money
and life in my face,
finding it funny
that my life's a disgrace.

YOU give me your love
just to rip it away-
an unworthy ****
in the game you play.

YOU think that I'm ****
I'm well aware,
to all the others
I just don't compare.

YOU treat me like I'm
a worthless ****,
barely good enough
for you to ****.

YOU boldly look me
straight in the eyes
and feed me so many
******* lies.

But please don't stop,
I love it this way!
Choking on every
cruel word you say....

For I am too spineless
to ever stand tall,
and I'd rather feel pain
then nothing at all.
I'm a sucker for punishment, I guess....
amber Jul 2018
I rip myself apart,
Piece by piece.
I place bits of my heart,
Into your hands.

I tear my soul,
Little by little,
And gift a morsel:
But when will I realize,
You never asked for me,
Or my vulnerability?

Remaining transfixed.
You step on my soul,
***** it,
Bury it,
Beneath soil,
Without a second glance.
No mercy,
Or pity,
In your eyes.
Simply and only,
A slight surprise.
You never asked for my care,
And were never aware,
Of all I invested,
All that manifested,
Beneath my shell,
Deep within my heart.
So why would you mind,
Tearing it apart?
sara Jul 2018
Since it was me who started it,
I must then beg your pardon; it
made sense to let my heartstrings
play the tune of your sweet laughter.

But use my heart as your ink-***
and I'll cry tears blue like ink blots,
asking "why?", I'd ask you "why?"
each time you say that we should stop.

Words run wet right down the page;
'til ***** and *** taste the same;
'til black and blue blend just one shade.
I thought love was something that lived just next-door-but-one to hate.
exploring the theme of disrespect within a romantic context

Edited: not personal not personal not personal **
Cné Mar 2016
Mentally beginning anew,
Shower and storms scramble,
A mind, a mess, stuck in the cold of blue,
Writhing in pain without preamble.

A season after the cries of winter,
The tears of petals shed,
Flows hope once more enter
Where a broken heart bleed.

Relief of breath ooze,
As fragile blooms of forgiveness peek,
Through darken days of self abuse,
To nurture the delicate emotional physique,

Healing in time blind,
Pure instinct survives,
An emotional breakdown of the mind.
Until finally, awaken spring arrives.
In winter, depression manages to take its strong grip on me, almost strangling me. Spring is a breath of fresh air to my mind, with its negative inner voice.
Aaron LaLux Oct 2018
She’s got scars on her legs,
calls them battle wounds,
I’ve got the music up way to loud,
so loud we can’t hear our thoughts,

city lights provide the background,
as we lose control and make love,
doing anything to feel anything,
because it’s 2018 and it feels like no one gives a fck,

so we fck,
and after it's said and done she says,
“I don’t usually do this.”,
yeah well we often do things we don’t usually do,

no road home and no rules,
no control no lines no tolls,
keep knocking and you can come in,
but no one’s home,

what’s going on up there,
how can you be so terrifyingly beautiful,
why are you armed with such a stare,
I know you’re a weapon but what do you use it for,

armed to the teeth no bark all bite,
I say she’s a unicorn she says she’s a vampire,
and I don’t fall in love but with this one I just might,
because we better express ourselves before we expire,

got burned from her fire,
but it hurt so good,
like those cuts that we inflicted onto each other,
feeling erratic I guess blame it on the mood,

always ready to talk about anything except the truth,
she says she only lied to me once,
and that was about not liking Ethiopian food,
and I pretend to care but honestly don’t know if I give a fck,

what the fck,
I’m drunk,
and I don’t usually drink,
but I often do things I don’t usually do,

and I don’t mean to be rude,
but I’m not sure I love you,
because even if I did,
I’m not sure it’d matter to you so what’s the use,

you want the truth,
the truth is we’re born alone and we die alone,
and in the middle is where I found you,
and for a moment this runaway thought he'd found a home,

and I wanted us to stay forever in that moment,
laying there ***** in each other’s arms,
but you were insecure and covered yourself back up,
because you didn’t want me to see your scars,

you’ve got scars on her legs,
calls them battle wounds,
I’ve got the music up way to loud,
so loud we can’t hear our thoughts,

city lights provide the background,
as we lose control and make love,
doing anything to feel anything,
because it’s 2018 and it feels like no one gives a fck...

∆ LaLux ∆

Melbourne, Australia
October 2018
M Salinger Dec 2018
I have these
persistent
whispers of fears
that I won't love someone
so wholly
& deeply,
that I won’t feel that
intensity
that intensely,
again

it’s a
strange fear
since
no fiber
of
my being
is the
same
as it was,
back then

my bones
don’t remember
that blood
coursing all around,
pumping me full of
toxins
that felt like the
transcendence
of a runner’s high
melting
into an ******

this
is not the
body
of someone whose
life
was so closely intertwined
with yours,
back then

all that's left
is a faint linger of sensation
a hint of a memory,
like thinking of a taste
or a smell

but what my heart can’t
remember,
my mind can't
forget

you haunt me
still
in my
dreams,
of a bond
that could have been,
that a viable transition
could have been,
that no
love
need be
lost

wakefulness
coaxes me
out
as I start to remember..
it’s not
me
who should
fear
that melancholy

because
you
my dear friend,
are the *****

of a finger, that
throbs & aches
but in
hindsight,
is never as consequential
as it
felt

that at
most,
leaves a
shadow of a
scar

on a new
layer
of fresh
skin,
soft to the
touch
and
well-worn

with quiet assurance
and kind courage

two things
I hope for
you
but fear
you’ll never
have

soft, persistent
whispers
that guide me
away from
you..
Umi Jan 2018
Making love isn't just about having ***
Its also nice to see how it effects (the relationship)
Its connecting two peoples souls, through the depeest of touch
When there's no stronger way to express your love with ****** intimacy and such
Sharing everything without a speck of bother
Making each other happy and pleasing each other
It can be nice and slow, tender, romantic and surely sweet
To be as close as humanly possible is such a nice treat
When **** burns to love which deepens through this
The soul does experience undescribable bliss
Please do love me until the night is over, come here, give me a kiss
Lets make love my dear,
On this first day of the year
I love you

~ Umi
snowy Aug 2018
I'm sorry!
for not talking to you all these years.
I don't know the reason,
Maybe because I was disillusioned,
or may be because I misjudged,
and I was imprudent.

But that day when I heard you name,
I couldn't stop myself from talking to you.
I found myself in the memory lane,
and all divergence creating reminiscence.
Tears rolled at the pace of the emergence;
of all memories sweet and bitter.

I made a good decision and talked to you,
never expected you to take it so lightly
as if noting ever happened between us,
Your the best brother ever,
but neither I am nor I was a good sister.
I'm sorry!
I spoke to my cousin after a long time. I did not speak with him  for 5 years.But he took it lightly,and it made me happy.
Elizabeth Zenk Jun 2018
You’d never understand the emotions
of such a pitiful being,
but you know what's its like to injured.
~
Shaking body
Cold acid boiling at my skin
Words branded into my horrid flesh
Putrid bile sloshing inside my stomach
Knife-like stings shooting through my fingertips
Icy cold numbness throughout my limbs
Pigment in my face turning ghostly pale
A hollow pit where my intestines should be
Rapid heartbeats, and quick breathing
Fatigue at the thought of living
Dizzy and disoriented
Lost
~
Wanting to sleep forever
Wanting to wake up from this nightmare
Ray Parker Aug 2017
black hair glows brown
touched by sunlight
eyes like chocolate
voice like honey
melt me
help me
shake me
break me
miss me
miss you
can't wait to see you
time ticks by
slower than the turtle
who forgot
he was supposed to win the race
either way
anyway
i can't wait to see you
i miss you
i love you
please call soon
Nicole Alyssia Oct 2016
i feel you under my ribcage
and all the way down to my toes
through my veins and through my airways
as i exhale through my nose

right now, i shutter in silence
at the faint hollow sound
of you strumming on my heartstrings
somewhere in the background
sometimes they just never want you to move on
Xoaquín Oznian Dec 2018
[Hurts So Good by Astrid S is playing in the background]

"Do you feel important now?"
you asked me in a gentle whisper
as you were caressing/kissing me
I said "**** yeah I feel important."
"Good" you said
"Do you?" I asked
"This is not about me. It's about you." you said
You smiled as you touched my face
as you pressed your ****, seductive body into mine
A blossoming trail of infinite kisses followed
tears in your eyes
**** on your lips
seduction in your voice
my hands on your hips
your hands on my body
tight was your grip
tight were your lips
the deeper you pressed them
into my neck
my nails digging into your skin
I cry at the very craving of you
what have you done to me?
hurts so good
****....
MeanAileen Mar 2017
i know heartache
but this.....is more
painful punishment
never felt before...
a ruthless torment
my heart blighted
damage derived from
love, unrequited
It hurts....
Genesee Mar 2018
I know it may sting at first
After all, it took a long time for me to leave you
Even though I wasn't involved with you on a physical level
Emotionally that was a different story.
The way I kept holding onto you resembled a vine that was in tangled with itself
Mixed with red roses
In addition to the feeling of trying to let you go
When I attempted to time and time again
It proved to be nothing and no use as one would say.
I did try to detach from you.
I tried and tried.
Until the roses poked me
Endlessly with the thorns
So then I gave up
Let the thorns stay.
And questioned why it was so hard to let go
Maybe that's when the roses fell off me & the thorns took a long time to dissolve into the truth that is our past.
But when I'm healed, I know you'll be tempted to find me again and love me in the only way you know how.
Soft at first then making me question why I left you
But I already know my answer.
If you didn't realize what you had in the first place

Then don't question why I hold you at arm's length.
I'm the girl who you lose in your life to make you realize what you had and that you should've cherished the first time around rather than finally realizing it after I've already left you.
- The one who leaves
yúyīn Jan 2017
Red looks good
Running down my skin that is..
I shouldn't cut
But,
I need release
Sobs wracking my body
Heavy breathing
Chest feels empty
I feel empty.. just a shell
No substance,
But all these unwanted emotions
I need release
Throat hoarse and raw
Guilty fingers shaking
Again..
Hot tears threaten to escape
I need release
Just one tiny cut
Please?
Or maybe a few
I need release
One slit, then two
That familiar sting
That familiar red
Uncontrollable sobs
MeanAileen Mar 2017
I try so hard
to do it all,
I try to measure up
to your standards.
I've done the best
that I know how,
but I guess my best
just isn't enough
for you.

I've compromised...
...I didn't do it right.
I've sacrificed...
...I didn't do enough.
I've given everything
that I have to give,
but I guess my all
just isn't enough
for you.

I'm losing my will.
I've lost all pride.
I've forgotten how
lovely it feels
being happy...
But you don't care.
Why would you?
I don't mean enough
to you.

Maybe if I try harder,
and break a little more...
Maybe one day
I will be enough
for you.
My only non-rhyming poem...
MeanAileen Mar 2017
I truly do wish
I could be more like you,
to live life without regret.
Won't you teach me
how to do as you do?
I promise to never forget...
First, clarify
just how to fake love
so others see it as real.
Then drain my soul
until it's void of
any feelings it may feel.
Instruct my heart
how not to break,
and like yours, turn to stone.
I'd never know loss
with nothing at stake;
I'd never be hurting alone.
Now demonstrate how
to walk out and leave
without ever saying goodbye.
Do disclose how
you so easily deceive...
teach me just how to lie.
Train my eyes
to shed no more tears;
reveal where pain should hide.
Then teach me how
to confine my fears,
keeping them all locked inside.
I must know how
to ignore the ****
found in a passionate kiss.
Then un-teach my mind
the meaning of trust
so I'll never again feel like this!
Now explain how
I can forget our love,
make me believe it wasn't true.....
And then when I master
all the above,
then, I will be more like you.
This is an old one, but I've always been fond of it....
Mitch Prax Jan 12
To this day,
your name
still hurts my tongue
but I still say it anyway.
Sometimes I like to
hear my soul
gently tear itself
apart.
aziza Nov 2018
there are million of words
left unsaid inside this gut.
similar to every volcanoes,
there will be
                      time
for this gut(ter) to blow up,
burst of processed thoughts
that kept inside for yearlong.
whether you like it or not,
give a **** or not,
ain't no **** were given


'cause it's about the time.
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