I just need to realize the reality
Of my bisexuality
'Cause I like guys too
And I'm not gonna deny my feelings that I have for you
But friends are what we can only be
Because you don't see me
Like that
And it's a known fact
By the look on your face and the way you talk about her
That you're in love
You're in love with her
And I will never speak of the love I have for you that is so pure
And it feels kinda like a tragedy
You don't feel the same way about me
So I gotta learn how to set my feelings for you free

You beautiful Polish boy
Oh how you could bring me such joy
If you just would fuck me already
But I know
You're in love
And I'll try not to forget you when you go back to your country
With your beautiful skin
And silly grin
Beautiful bright blue eyes
And every time I see you high fives
Your sexy accent, athletic physique, and musky smell
And just the way we clicked instantly, and our sex conversations we had, and how for a boy you listen so well
And I really enjoyed learning about you and your country
And I even learned some new Polish words, Jestes piekne
It's just weird for me to feel this deeply about a guy
But I thank you 'cause you were the one to make me realize I really am bi
So I give you two high fives
And a kiss goodbye
And have a nice fly
Back to Poland
My friend

But you're in love
And my heart implodes inside with such agony
You don't feel the same way about me
So I gotta learn how to set my feelings for you free
Jess Oct 2015
There is something wrong
But I won't admit it
I pour my heart out
In everything I do
Especially for you

Everything I have ever done
For you
Had my entire heart
After all

But what is happening to you
I don't deserve to be treated like this

You're words become like venom
I tear up and tell you
It hurts
It hurts my heart

"Then you're not numb"
Is your emotionless reply

You're aim is to hurt me
So I become numb
Just like you

You take advantage of me
You know I won't leave
Because I love you
With everything I have
Or at least

You've taken it all

You're stripping it away
Little by little
Harsher every time

You're not making me numb
Or stronger

You're just breaking me
And over
And over
And again

And I still take it
Because somewhere I still see
Who you once were
Who you still are
Under the dirt

You think you are alone
So you push everything away
Before it pushes you out
So you create
You're own loneliness

Those demons you speak of
That is you
Not them
It's all you
Not being able to be responsible
For every action you regret

I don't know why you're so scared

Any sane woman would have left
The moment you belittled her
And hurt her
And made her cry
And became irrational

But I'm still here
Looking for the you I once knew
Jess Feb 2016
He told me
I was beautiful

O n c e

He told me
I was ugly

Countless times

In every way

His words always sharp
Laughing like a hyena
Circling a wounded prey

His words always cold
Laced with the venom of a snake
Slowly cutting every chord

His words always hollow

With an empty soul
Lost in its darkest thoughts
That he had proven right

But then
He would tell me that

I was beautiful

O n c e

Listen to the beat of my
                          soul's drum as I am on
                             my knees, held down by
                         the fears and anxieties
                             that run ever so rampant
         With wings clipped, my eyes
                                take in the bleak horizon.  
                                  My heart is a heavyweight.
                             My spirit is in shards, so
            what remains?

        I feel the wind's fingers lift
                                caress my skin and my
                                        chin, and with a single kiss,
                                       hope now begins to sprout
                                        from my chest to my palms

               The fire burns though I'm bruised,
                              I can stand on my two
                                 cut feet. I am scared, but
                                 if I let it conquer me, my
                                      wings will rot and crumble

            I won't be able to touch, hold
                              and reach the true 'me'
                                        The highest and greatest me
                               who sits there, looking
                           waiting by God's side

            Help me to be that phoenix,
                                        the one who falls into the
                                                       ashes of the demons that haunt me
                                                    and rises again new, proud, free,
                                                      a blazing storm of acceptance and

I may cry,
I will die,
but with Your breath,
I will rise
I will rise
I will rise

I am a testament to a Conqueror's belief
Really struggling with my insecurities. I remember growing up, I wanted to be a dragon but then it changed to the Phoenix. Who dies and comes back new and stronger. Today's been a...emotional wreck for me.
Having both an emotional breakdown and feeling so lost on my identity and self-hatred.
But I know as long as I'm here, I will rise about it.
I will rise above it.
I will rise above it.
I have to...
Silver lights shimmer
Tranquil peace from the moon
Its touch makes all rest

The moon stares at me
Deep into my very soul,
that's broken and bruised

She sees me naked
My true self that's so afraid
to keep moving on

But she calms me down
She shows me my inner light
The light I must spread
On the window sill currently, emotionally drained but still here none the less.
Today was so emotionally draining...
There's something so comforting about the moonlight, I feel like it seems who I really am inside.
Anyway, thank you everyone for your kind comments and support.
It means the world to me.
It doesn't have to be on a cold, lonely night for a heart to break,
A night is only cold and lonely because of the stinging ache.

Creeping memories, broken promises, an absence, simply a word would do the trick,
As you drown into the starry night, you're jerked with the realisation that you're left with nothing,
The voices are getting louder, but the night grows colder, lonelier,
You stare into the void as you try to find a voice to speak.
They always say that when it shatters, you won't know strangling from choking,
But to you it was like breathing in shredded glass and no pain can come as near.

For whom they ask are you bleeding?
'Leave me be, let me be' you beg and you plead.
You pick yourself up,
You keep it in,
You walk home,
And tomorrow's noon you feel the tears streaming because

It doesn't have to be on a cold, lonely night for a heart to break,
A night is only cold and lonely because of the stinging ache.
All will be well again, if you're broken, it's our nature to heal again.
Avantika Singhal Oct 2015
There's a virulent disease
inside him. It pervades every
where. It invades him. The
toxic cells exist in every nook
and crevice. He starts wondering
whether his soul and body will
suffice and live through the
brutal treatments that await.
Radiotherapy or chemo. A
part of himself could be lost in the
pomposity and elaborateness
of the machines used to do so.
He lies on the bed, surrounded
by the ostensibly loved ones
who mourn now and who hated
him once. He looks back at
his life and feels that getting
back to his healthy, strong self
is a chimera. Days pass and his
bed is his sanctuary. The reports
from the doctors arrive and he is
all but stationary. He finds the
concept of reports funny. They
determine life and death in a
second and after that, life could
be jubilant or miry with hopelessness.
The reports clearly indicate that
"cancer was not detected". He
scoffs at the elaborate medical
language and sits back and
relaxes, concluding his close
call with death and an emotional mess.
Not letting the intimidation and
sinister nature of the diseases get to him.
AS Jul 8
Do not touch!
Am I asking too much?
It's enough that all you seem to do is look.
You don't even give me the grace,
to even look at my face.
Remember I am part of the human race,
not some buffet for you to taste.
As the race of life is a difficult run,
with the objectification and sexualisation.
Remember I am only looking for friends,
I can find who I want and when.

Dreaming of a world where there is no need to defend.
Or where I don't need to lend my voice,
for those who haven't discovered yet that they have a choice.
No I won't smile, lie or let you suck my dignity dry.
I will always fight for what is right, no layer of myself or respect will die.
No longer will those achieve a rise, as behind a community lays.

A strength is growing everyday,
we will have our say.
No longer sitting by in shame,
with our bodies recalling the pain.
As these conditions have gone along too long.
No longer to carry on these remains, with both genders mounting rage.
Young and old to those who have beholden, crying out for these cruelties not to worsen.

Now we are on the same page, let go of your reins and control.
Others boundaries are not your own, even mind, Body and soul.
Respect theirs,
as they respect your own.
Release the conditions unknown,
to protect the ones you love and know.
Let go of the entitlements,
the one's that creates everyone else's pain.
Remember your whole is only your own.
Deliberating in the ways that you go and in the actions which you show.
As Yes,
You don't own or have the right to play a White Knight to those separate to your own.

Remember that their mind, body and soul are not yours to hold.
Let go!
To the entitlement of those who are not your own.
The force, manipulation and those who creepily persist.
Leaving marks,
for years to come.
Making it difficult for the victim to exist.

Hyper vigilant by the hurt,
not the person they once were from birth.
Fear controlling who they let near.
Triggered to tears to the memories,
at the hands who felt it their right to abuse.
Taking away the rights to chose,
being the biggest to lose.
When time drags along,
a broken inside from what went wrong.
These moments messing with your sleep and controlling you by emotional peaks.
Detached from our bodies, disconnected from the beauty we once embodied.

So please think and reframe!
Don't take opportunities each and everyday to someone's size,
age or state.
Don't be the reason they break.
Take accountability in the ways you've betrayed.
As I doubt it will haunting you till your dying day.
Don't be offended by those who've feel it is right to fight.
A hope to protect others,
to the predators unknown.
An experience I would not wish,
no one deserves to walk around half alive with mangled insides.

© 2018

Abigail Sheard
This poem is a thought provoker for both genders, of all ages and backgrounds. As I know we've all been touch by this pain, sadly there is no exclusion for abuse....only if you're very lucky.

I know  that survivors can heal and we can become thrivers.
The point is we shouldn't be wasting years of out lives to do it.
I myself am lucky to be at the thriving stage, but life shouldn't have to be a fight to get by or to become normal to exceptional.

Something I desperately don't want for the next generation!


P.s. My dearest apologies if I triggered anyone.
This is a highly emotional
and largely uncontrollable
so it's important
to discuss your fears

Yet pain
has a purpose,
It drives us into movements
and positions the progress

Your mind may need
a massage,
pushing is usually
around the corner
and then your
breathing faster

Slow it down
In and out
Push a little
Control your breathing
Inhale, exhale
you’re contracting
Hold a little
Now Push

And then

That final hour
the euphoria,
the tears,
the laughter
For all it’s worth

A Poem
has been given birth
Unfortunately no epidural for poets,
No anesthesia inserted into the right brain
No intravenous narcotics, to dull that labour pain.

Poetic Surgery, Copyright © 2018,  All rights reserved.
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