Distraught, with alien invaded heart
I partied with the night in my thoughts.
Dark, distant and silent as perceived, yet
She was candid,  sweetness personified.
Let me taste swigs of wine from her cup
Sung me a lullaby of  ethereal starlights
Dreams plucked  from nights, she gifted
Weeded out nightmares deeply embeded.
On a dream boat chosen,I set sailed alone
To an emerald island at the middle of
the  ocean,
And made up my mind never to sail back.
Adamant I was not to be out of that dream
Beloved,  ******,  night conjured up for me
With the twist of  her psychedelic finger.

and I still get very nostalgic
about the first boy I kissed
and the tentacles of it
not light and fluffy at all
he was my best friend
and I get very alarmed by this life
and how short it can fall
he used to say that
"nobody gets me like you do."
but I didnt know who he was
I still dont know who or what is behind that cloak of darkness
what real stories are behind that bookshelf
and it was alarming and scary and DANGEROUS
and thats how I feel
but who's to know what I feel
because I like it that way
you'll never know whats on my heart
on my mind, on my mind, on my mind
running
in loops
because
it's ****** alarming, and scary and DANGEROUS
its what makes me do what I do
lately
on your computer
The urge to violate the trust
because I am suddanly fearful
that the boy that I love is doing what I said he could
because I wanted your love
I still need it
and here I am
moving in with you
and it's racing in my mind
where's Sonia gonna sleep?
WHERE'S SONIA GONNA SLEEP?
In our bed?
no, your bed
but in my head its OUR bed
the one in which I CAN ALWAYS FIND SLEEP
and its killing me inside
because I said you could because I wanted you to
and I've always been like that
freedom
freedom to those I LOVE!
but I'm crippled when I'm with you
my mind and logic are lopsided
because I'm in LOVE WITH YOU
and it hurts!
I'm FAIR and RIGHTOUS and BALANCED
but it's like you walked on into there
and you hold and grasp
and the tables become violently upturned
and the vases all break
shards of glass and water is EVERYWHERE
EMBEDED in my memory
in the walls of my beating heart
and the glass is carried throughout my blood vessels
and I'm PRAYING, PRAYING, PRAYING
Oh god AM I PRAYING
that a  little peice should find its way to a major artery
and do me in there!
put an end to my painful existence in your sweet and tender arms
but then
WAIT! STOP!
I'M IN LOVE! AND I LIKE IT HERE!
PLEASE DONT **** ME!
So that I dont feel an ounce of pain
before it hits me like a rock
****** from my heart down to my GUTS
ITS A MERCY KILLING!
Have MERCY on my heart!
ITS TENDER!
BEHIND ITS FAIR, RIGHTOUS WALLS
IT'S SENT CHAOTIC
DISTURBED BY HOW DEEPLY IT FEELS
HOW DEEPLY IT CONNECTS
AND HOW DEEPLY YOU REACH ME THERE!
MAKE IT STOP
BEFORE I MYSELF AM SENT INTO SHARDS
MY PSYCHE IN SUTURES
I DONT LET MYSELF HURT
I GO STRAIGHT TO SCAR TISSUE
Because I made an OATH to myself to NEVER GO BACK THERE AGAIN!!!
but your healing touch is egging me on
reaching me slowly
and its killing me
with feathery kiss
so kiss her
so make love to her
and I will struggle with the fact that I know
as a Christian God would know
that I am special to you
that I am yours
that nobody will replace me
as you yourself have said
with words and soul parts
and intimate parts
because I value your freedom in the way you value mine
in the way that lights me up
and sets me free
but still I will loose my senses
because thats the first sign that I've allowed myself to feel
to be in love
with you

she looks tired
and serene
like the angel of death has kissed her
****** the life from her crimson lips
the princess has fallen ill
lovesick and torn
the world and its evil
has taken a toll
on her tear stained cheaks
are the scars of the worlds dried up rivers
the salt embeded in her skin
from forgotten oceans
even on the brink of death
her innocence rings clear
like traces life after a storm

I laid down,
And puked off the side of my bed,
I felt no better,
So I sat in my hands and cried,
and felt my **** growing on my thigh.
Great, I thought,
Lonely and not bought.
I stood up and fell,
I broke and I melt,
Indeed I ****** and I splurt,
But still my heart did not ****.
I guess the pieces were too tiny,
too embeded in the tears,
The burns sank throughout,
Even into my lonely ****.
The puke that laid upon my floor awoke,
Amassed and made into a form,
What was it, Who are you I said,
It gurgled blood and spoke to my mind,
I am your illness, your future, your past, your present.
Submit as you have and you shall be destroyed,
Struggle more as you would and I shall only laugh.
I saw its face, it became clear.
The beast with seven seven's and one six.
Almost perfect in its imperfections,
The face of my faults a trinity of disgusting.
The life of my mother dead on the floor,
That one cheating *****,
And the girl who I adored and left for nor,
I suppose...
Yes I suppose as I laid down,
Choking now, choking more,
This was all written.
Long, long ago,
In a book I'll never know.

you were too nice today
            i'm just waiting
    for a knife
                             to be
                   embeded in my back
   the next time
         we hug

Within the body strands worm in helix with the accordingly coded all embeded like the tiles ornate of a chapel. All things follow, all things innate. Mathmatical entropy, the time spent in wait, all subjective illusions bound by time and space. Molecular unions, my atomic configuration pulls magnetic. The body I'm in runs electric. The thoughts runnin' round dance on salts in an ocean too wide, were swimming in stride never to finish crossing to that other side. The one created inside of your mind. Your mind...

Light conquers darkness and brings about a new day
A change of mind a change of time a change of mankind
Reasons to believe seasons to recieve
Rise above and percieve overcome and achieve
People being humiliated modern day segregation
Reputations arradicated in need of a destination
Hearts and minds pierce the skies
Part the clouds and ask God why
But answers comes in a pace and sometimes slow
Why the heck we born in the first place if this is how we gotta go
Sufferings and struggles hardships and troubles
Sisters against brothers fathers against mothers
The strong rewarded the weak covered
Shackled in ******* social injustice
Reality brings about change all things change
Life becomes a game rain brings pain
Snares and options prayers and promises
The flares are launching down the dungeons
Embeded in a state of mind breaded to overcome hardtimes
Headed for the sunrise bled from a certain bloodline
Vikings and alliance titans and giants
Spirits dying minds rising
Full of hope full of pain in my mind all things change
But will i survive this game the question still remains the same
The battle is not for the weak nor for the strong
Wisdom is a gift the mind is its home
They say that i will never make it never achieve
The odds are against me but im still believing
Today i shall suffer tommorrow is a mystery
If i pray before the trumphets i shall overcome with victory
Let these words be heard before the mighty throne
Let  peace be subperb enough to live long
Move the housetop and part the sky
I surrdender my heart and free my mind

His talking faster now for he knows his time is shorter than before. He flies from the Law to fresh words of grace and I struggle to keep pace with his passion that threatens to overwhelm his frail, well-travelled frame. Words that inspire, even as they are inspired, fired thick and fast, finding their target, embeded in my inscription as I seek the gift of accurate Word-made-flesh-made-word on paper transcription.
And now as I sit with fingers quivering, taking time out while I can while he's sleeping, I pray that the inspiration for the words that he's speaking will be equalled by my quick ears and matched by my quicker scrawling so that the church will hear just what the Lord is saying and can read the truth that is their's for the believing.

I am a sojourner,
Wandering the paper-sand shores
Of pulp and rock--
Tracing the fields of ink in my mind
And following them
To the terminus of thoughts

And yet there was never a longer trail
Than the constant sound of vowels
That placed in me this solitude
And promising to

Go somewhere; see someone,
And see now--none but you.

To sail seas, searching for pearls
Across the shores of every beach
Inside the depths of chitinous chests
Hidden from the world

A jewel embeded,
Found by me

You--

You are the fire of the Greeks
You are the Pharos, of lovely beams
You are the granules beneath my feet--
The pearl I never thought I'd see

And I am an island of thought
To rest your tired storms
And pour your heavy waters here,
To wither these blackened stones

My love,

If there was no more land to fear,
These shores would hold the skies
I'd grow a garden from the sea,
And let you name it ours

Of all the mountains nestled here,
And rivers coursing high
I'd have their shadows take to thee,
And in these passing hours--

When all the words are written,
And all the hymns are sung
As long as there is air to breathe
I'd say you are my love

i feel like smiling,,i smiled...
when the cool breeze of this night
sooth ma cheeks & mind
ma memmories slowley open eyes..
& starts telling many stories
i do remember each & every thing
our time together,those movements & events
the foot prints we left in the seashore
still embeded deep stones of love
handing hand together &
chirpping for hours & hours,ofcourse evryday
no way to forget the bloomed lillies at
the heights , we climbed together
& ma naughty doings,to make you angry
finally to see that crazy , innocent smile.
& our evening walks to the wisdom of love
you being more & more involved each day
diving through the shead leaves
& finally the pleasure of being at the destiny, we know.
i guss theremight be no steps
to bounce through gloomy fights anymore
but still the snowing hills of understanding.
anyway we'll be together by the next sunrise.
in our way, planting eyes on each other's.for nothing.
even if we don 't utter a word each other
i'm sure there will be cherry trees &
sunflowers of bliss waiting ahead;
to see the waves washing our foot
sky lit diamond stars for ever, when
we woke up & walk to the sunset of our life.
i would , if i get a chance to sit with you
in that autumn eve,on our wooden bench
tell the mumbling wind,
about this asset of my life,perhaps no one knows,
what is this beam of bliss doing in me...

Cast in my shadow is someone else
Neither darker or lighter than myself
Seeing unhappiness in everything else
Why would I ask for any wealth?
When my heart is emptier than death
The wincing shock in my chest
Leaves me without rest
Shattered illusions
Ripples on a wave
Glass embeded in my flesh
Gushing bleeding turning and grieving
All for a chance to escape this steel mesh

you say you love me
than you hurt me
you say you care
but than your not there
you left me alone
to fend in this world
you broke me down
to the ground
i'm all alone
no love to hold on to
no one to trust
you beat me with hates whip
those marks wont go away
they stay forever
embeded  in my skin
loves lost hope