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So Dreamy May 2017
Hari itu hari Sabtu. Dan, aku sedang ulangtahun.

Sepi. Hanya terdengar suara tetesan air dari keran yang lupa ditutup rapat di wastafel dapur. Desiran angin yang menggesek dedaunan di halaman belakang. Bambu angin yang bersiul di teras rumah tetangga sebelah. Jalanan beraspal yang kosong. Terpaan sinar matahari. Mangkuk beling yang diketuk penjual makanan keliling. Suara jarum detik jam dinding.
Dalam diam aku menunggu. Mahesa belum juga datang. Duduk di atas sofa, perlahan kulahap sekantung keripik kentang, suara iklan di televisi kini menjadi musik latar yang mengisi siang terikku yang sepi ini. Lupakan fakta bahwa kakakku, Mas Kekar, adalah satu-satunya orang yang mengingat hari ulangtahunku. Ucapan ulangtahunnya tiba tadi pagi pukul tujuh lewat pesan suara. Kalau ada Nenek, ia pasti akan membuat kue tar dan nanti malam kami akan duduk melingkar di atas meja makan, menyantapnya bersama-sama sambil minum teh lemon. Sayangnya, sekarang rumahnya jauh; di surga.
Tiba-tiba, telepon genggamku berbunyi. Satu notifikasi baru, ada satu pesan masuk. Dari Mahesa, katanya ia akan sampai lima menit lagi. Baiklah, akan kutunggu dengan sabar. Walaupun ia bilang akan menjemput pukul setengah dua belas ― aku sudah menunggunya sejak pukul sebelas lewat, sekarang pukul satu, dan lima menit lagi ia akan datang. Menghabiskan waktu seharian bersama Mahesa selalu menjadi momen istimewa bagiku, membuat jantung jumpalitan tak karuan, dan berakhir tersenyum-senyum sendiri setiap kali sebelum memejamkan mata di atas tempat tidur pada malam hari. Singkatnya adalah orang ini selalu membuatku bahagia, sadar atau tidak sadar dirinya, ialah sumber kebahagiaanku. Bulan dan bintang bagi malamku.
OK. Kubalas pesannya, lalu kubuka pesan-pesan lain yang mungkin belum kubuka. Tidak ada pesan lain atau telepon. Belum ada telepon dari Ayah ataupun pesan singkat. Entah kapan ia akan pulang. Entah kapan ia akan menyempatkan diri membuka kalender, teringat akan sesuatu, dan mengucapkan, “Selamat ulangtahun.”.
Aku berjanji tidak pernah ingin jadi orang yang hidup tanpa memiliki waktu.
Bel berbunyi dan pintu diketuk. Spontan, aku merapikan rambut, memakai tas selempang, dan bangkit. Kusiapkan senyum terbaik untuk menyambut Mahesa. Setelah pintu kubuka, senyumku langsung sirna. Mang Ijang, tukang pos daerah kami yang malah muncul.
“Siang Mbak Maura, ada tiga surat buat Bapak,” dia menyerahkan tiga surat berbentuk persegi panjang yang sangat familiar bagiku. Sudah berpuluh, bahkan mungkin ratusan kali aku menerima surat macam ini sejak lima tahun terakhir. Kubaca nama perusahaan yang tertera di kop surat itu. Masih sama seperti biasanya; bank, perusahaan listrik, perusahaan telepon.
“Tandatangan di sini dulu, Mbak,” Mang Ijang menyerahkan pulpen dan sebuah kertas tanda terima surat. Setelah kutandatangani, ia pergi.
Kubuka surat itu satu per satu sambil duduk di kursi teras. Surat-surat tagihan, seperti biasa. Hampir dua bulan rupanya Ayah tidak membayar tagihan telepon. Aku bahkan tidak berselera lagi membaca nominalnya. Aku menghela napas dan memandangi jalanan kosong di depan rumah. Kuputuskan untuk memakai earphone, memilih playlist di aplikasi musik, menunggu Mahesa di kursi teras sambil ditemani angin semilir.
5 menit.
Everything is Embarrassing – Sky Ferreira.
10 menit.
Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want – The Smiths.
15 menit.
Love Song – The Cure.
Dua puluh menit kemudian, Mahesa datang. Senyumku seketika merekah, walaupun ia terlihat begitu lelah. Kaos polo abu-abunya basah oleh keringat, dahinya dibanjiri keringat, napasnya terengah-engah dengan ritme yang tak beraturan. Aku duduk di sampingnya yang memegang kemudi dan masih bisa mencium wangi parfumnya samar-samar, meskipun tujuh puluh persennya sudah bercampur dengan semerbak peluh. Tapi, siapa peduli? Menurutku, ia tetap mengagumkan.
“Maaf lama, Ra. Tadi ada urusan penting yang mendadak,” katanya sambil memilih-milih saluran radio. 19.2, saluran radio yang khusus memutarkan musik-musik indie dan jadul. Mungkin ini salah satunya mengapa sejak awal aku tertarik dengan manusia yang satu ini dan berujung benar-benar mengaguminya, kami menyukai jenis musik yang sama. “Jadi, ke mana kita hari ini? Dan, akan mengobservasi apa?”
Kubuka catatan jadwal terakhir kami, “Hmm. Hari ini jadwal kita ke galeri seni kontemporer yang ada di sebelah balai kota dan pameran seni di hotel Metropolite. Kita bakal mengobservasi lukisan kontemporer supaya bisa membandingkan dengan jenis lukisan yang lain.”
Kamu benar, sesungguhnya ini hanyalah sekadar tugas kelompok bahasa Indonesia. Mungkin bagi Mahesa begitu, tapi bagiku bukan sama sekali. Kuanggap ini sebuah kebetulan yang ajaib. Kebetulan kami sekelompok. Kebetulan kami berdua sama-sama tidak masuk di hari ketika guru Bahasa Indonesia kami membagikan kelompok dan kami masuk ke dalam kelompok terakhir, kelompok sisa. Kebetulan kami memilih tema seni lukis dan belum ada kelompok lain yang mengambil topik itu. Kebetulan dua anggota kelompok kami yang lainnya tidak bisa diandalkan, yang satunya sakit berat dan yang satunya lagi sudah dikeluarkan dari sekolah sejak bulan lalu. Kebetulan hanya aku dan Mahesa yang tidak bermasalah. Maka, hanya kami berdua yang selalu jalan ke tempat-tempat untuk mengobservasi. Sejak saat itu, aku percaya akan keajaiban.
---
Semuanya berawal dari pertemuan singkat kami di minggu keempat kelas sebelas. Oke, ralat, bukan sebuah pertemuan lebih tepatnya, melainkan hanya aku yang memandanginya dari jauh. Namun, itu satu-satunya kejadian yang mungkin dapat memberi jawaban atas pertanyaan mengapa dan bagaimana perasaan ini bisa muncul. Bukan secara tidak sengaja dan spontan seperti yang biasa kau dapatkan di adegan jatuh cinta pada film-film romansa norak, tetapi adeganku sederhana, penuh kehati-hatian, dan perlahan.
Kelas sebelas adalah tahun yang cukup sulit bagiku. My dad was busy more than ever—well, until now dan itu tahun pertama Mas Kekar menginjakkan kaki di dunia perkuliahan. Dia diterima di salah satu universitas negeri ternama di Bandung, jadi hanya pulang ke rumah setiap akhir bulan. Aku punya waktu sendirian di rumah dengan jumlah yang berlebih.
In that year, my friends left me. Ghia pindah ke luar kota dan Kalista bergabung dengan anak-anak populer sejak mendaftar sebagai anggota baru di tim pemandu sorak. Kami hanya makan siang bersama pada beberapa hari di minggu pertama sekolah, setelah itu dia selalu dikelilingi dan menjadi bagian dari kelompok cewek-cewek pemakai lip tint merah dan seragam yang dikecilkan. Aku mengerti, barangkali dia memang menginginkan posisi itu sejak lama dan citra dirinya memang melejit pesat, membuat semua leher anak cowok melirik barang beberapa detik setiap ia berjalan di tengah koridor. Lagipula, jika ia sudah mendapatkan status sosial yang sangat hebat itu, mana mungkin dia masih mau berteman dengan orang sepertiku? Maura, the average one, yang selalu mendengarkan musik lewat earphone, yang lebih banyak menyantap bekal di dalam kelas pada jam istirahat. Aku hanya masih tidak paham bagaimana seseorang yang semula kau kenal bisa berubah menjadi orang lain secepat itu.
Tapi, hal lainnya yang cukup melegakan di tahun itu adalah aku bertemu dengan Indira. Kami berkenalan pada hari Senin di minggu kedua kelas sebelas, hari pertama dia masuk sekolah setelah seminggu penuh dirawat di rumah sakit karena DBD. Begitu melihatku duduk sendirian di baris paling belakang, dia buru-buru menghampiri sambil bertanya, “Sebelahmu kosong?”. Sejak itulah kami berteman.
Indira dan teman-temannya biasa menghabiskan makan siang di bangku koridor lantai satu yang menghadap ke lapangan, bukan di kantin. Walaupun secara harfiah aku bukan salah satu bagian dari kelompok pertemanan mereka, Indira selalu mengajakku bergabung dan orang-orang baik itu rupanya menerimaku.
Di bangku koridor itu kali pertama aku memerhatikan anak laki-laki yang bermain bola setiap jam istirahat kedua. Hanya ada dua-tiga orang kukenal, itu juga karena mereka teman sekelasku sekarang atau di kelas sepuluh, sementara selebihnya orang asing bagiku. Di antaranya ada yang berperawakan tinggi, rambut tebal, rahang yang tegas. Aku hanya belum tahu siapa namanya waktu itu.
Selanjutnya, aku bertemu dengan laki-laki itu di kantin, sedang duduk bersama beberapa cowok yang tidak kukenal, tertawa lepas. Mungkin karena aku jarang ke kantin, aku baru melihatnya di sana waktu itu. Pada acara demo ekskul, aku melihat dia lagi. Bermain bass di atas panggung. Anggota klub musik rupanya. Pemain bass. Pada hari-hari berikutnya, aku lebih sering melihatnya berjalan di koridor depan kelasku, kadang sendirian dengan earphone, kadang ada beberapa temannya. Anak kelas sebelas juga rupanya, jurusan IPS juga. Hari-hari berikutnya, selalu kutengokkan kepala ke jendela setiap kali ia lewat di depan kelasku. Aku penasaran, kenapa mataku tidak pernah melihat orang semenarik dia sebelumnya? Dan, kenapa dia hanya muncul di tempat dan saat-saat tertentu, seperti saat istirahat, masuk sekolah, dan jam pulang? Hari-hari berikutnya, berpapasan dengannya membuatku senang sekaligus semakin penasaran. Dia anggota klub fotografi juga, aktif, sering memimpin rapat anggota di kantin sepulang sekolah, dan ternyata karyanya banyak dipublikasikan di majalah sekolah. Dari situ aku tahu namanya, Mahesa.
---
“Geser ke kanan sedikit. Bukan, bukan, sedikiiit lagi. Sedikiiit, oke, pas!”
Sebagai dokumentasi, Mahesa memotret beberapa lukisan dari berbagai angle dan beberapa kali memintaku untuk berpose ala-ala tak sadar kamera. Tentu saja aku pasti bersedia, selalu bersedia. Dia juga merekam keadaan sekitar dalam bentuk video, yang katanya, bakal dia edit menjadi super artsy.
“Percaya sama gue, kita bakal jadi tim paling keren yang menghasilkan dokumentasi paling berseni, Ra,” kata Mahesa sambil tersenyum sendiri melihat hasil jepretannya.
Destinasi terakhir kami—pameran lukisan yang sedang digelar selama seminggu di hotel Metropolite—akan tutup sepuluh menit lagi, tepat pukul tujuh malam. Setelah terakhir kalinya Mahesa merekam keadaan pameran dan beberapa pengunjung yang masih melihat-lihat, baterai kameranya habis. Sebelum pulang, Mahesa bilang dia tahu tempat makan enak di sekitaran sini. Jadi, kami mampir untuk mengisi perut dengan soto ayam dan berbincang-bincang sebentar, setelah itu baru benar-benar pulang.
Di perjalanan pulang, derai hujan turun perlahan. Karena rumah kami terletak di pinggiran kota, jadi kami harus melalui jalan tol atau kalau tidak, akan lebih jauh. Mahesa memencet-mencet tombol radio, mencari saluran nomor 19.2, tapi setelah mendengar acara yang dibawakan penyiar radio, dia langsung mengganti asal saluran radio yang lain. Saluran radio yang menyiarkan lagu-lagu pop kekinian yang sedang hits.
“Sekali-kali dengerin genre lain, ya, Ra,” katanya sambil menginjak rem. Jalanan seketika padat merayap di depan kami. Mungkin karena hujan mulai deras, jalanan mulai tergenang, orang-orang mengemudi dengan lebih hati-hati.

(bersambung.)
to be continued.
Inside many of us
is a small old man
who wants to get out.
No bigger than a two-year-old
whom you'd call lamb chop
yet this one is old and malformed.
His head is okay
but the rest of him wasn't Sanforized?
He is a monster of despair.
He is all decay.
He speaks up as tiny as an earphone
with Truman's asexual voice:
I am your dwarf.
I am the enemy within.
I am the boss of your dreams.
No. I am not the law in your mind,
the grandfather of watchfulness.
I am the law of your members,
the kindred of blackness and impulse.
See. Your hand shakes.
It is not palsy or *****.
It is your Doppelganger
trying to get out.
Beware . . . Beware . . .

There once was a miller
with a daughter as lovely as a grape.
He told the king that she could
spin gold out of common straw.
The king summoned the girl
and locked her in a room full of straw
and told her to spin it into gold
or she would die like a criminal.
Poor grape with no one to pick.
Luscious and round and sleek.
Poor thing.
To die and never see Brooklyn.

She wept,
of course, huge aquamarine tears.
The door opened and in popped a dwarf.
He was as ugly as a wart.
Little thing, what are you? she cried.
With his tiny no-*** voice he replied:
I am a dwarf.
I have been exhibited on Bond Street
and no child will ever call me Papa.
I have no private life.
If I'm in my cups the whole town knows by breakfast
and no child will ever call me Papa
I am eighteen inches high.
I am no bigger than a partridge.
I am your evil eye
and no child will ever call me Papa.
Stop this Papa foolishness,
she cried. Can you perhaps
spin straw into gold?
Yes indeed, he said,
that I can do.
He spun the straw into gold
and she gave him her necklace
as a small reward.
When the king saw what she had done
he put her in a bigger room of straw
and threatened death once more.
Again she cried.
Again the dwarf came.
Again he spun the straw into gold.
She gave him her ring
as a small reward.
The king put her in an even bigger room
but this time he promised
to marry her if she succeeded.
Again she cried.
Again the dwarf came.
But she had nothing to give him.
Without a reward the dwarf would not spin.
He was on the scent of something bigger.
He was a regular bird dog.
Give me your first-born
and I will spin.
She thought: Piffle!
He is a silly little man.
And so she agreed.
So he did the trick.
Gold as good as Fort Knox.

The king married her
and within a year
a son was born.
He was like most new babies,
as ugly as an artichoke
but the queen thought him in pearl.
She gave him her dumb lactation,
delicate, trembling, hidden,
warm, etc.
And then the dwarf appeared
to claim his prize.
Indeed! I have become a papa!
cried the little man.
She offered him all the kingdom
but he wanted only this -
a living thing
to call his own.
And being mortal
who can blame him?

The queen cried two pails of sea water.
She was as persistent
as a Jehovah's Witness.
And the dwarf took pity.
He said: I will give you
three days to guess my name
and if you cannot do it
I will collect your child.
The queen sent messengers
throughout the land to find names
of the most unusual sort.
When he appeared the next day
she asked: Melchior?
Balthazar?
But each time the dwarf replied:
No! No! That's not my name.
The next day she asked:
Spindleshanks? Spiderlegs?
But it was still no-no.
On the third day the messenger
came back with a strange story.
He told her:
As I came around the corner of the wood
where the fox says good night to the hare
I saw a little house with a fire
burning in front of it.
Around that fire a ridiculous little man
was leaping on one leg and singing:
Today I bake.
Tomorrow I brew my beer.
The next day the queen's only child will be mine.
Not even the census taker knows
that Rumpelstiltskin is my name . . .
The queen was delighted.
She had the name!
Her breath blew bubbles.

When the dwarf returned
she called out:
Is your name by any chance Rumpelstiltskin?
He cried: The devil told you that!
He stamped his right foot into the ground
and sank in up to his waist.
Then he tore himself in two.
Somewhat like a split broiler.
He laid his two sides down on the floor,
one part soft as a woman,
one part a barbed hook,
one part papa,
one part Doppelganger.
gd Jan 2014
I haven't stayed up this late
since our restless early morning contests
to see who would fall victim to
heavy eyelids and tired thoughts.
I won of course, you most of the time,
but I won on the longest nights (or so I'd like to think)
though my satisfaction was rooted from
something entirely different.
To be honest, I could have cared less about the victor;
I was competitive but I liked when you won -
the shine in your voice and
the glimmer in your smile telling me
how I snored through the night (I didn't)
was much more rewarding.

I haven't stayed up this long
since our late night conversations
turned into early morning slurred sentences
of who could make the most sense
whilst repeating I love you
inaudibly through earphone speakers
and bundled blankets.
And as much as the tiredness
enveloped me in its embrace,
the thought of yours implied through
the telephone waves proved
to be worthwhile, nonetheless.
You were miles beyond my reach,
but you were simple words away.

I haven't stayed up this late
since we fell asleep falling in love

in different beds but with the same desires,
on the same line; on the same page.
And I hate to admit it,
but I still like to think of it that way.

- g.d.
And surprisingly, I'm smiling about this realization.
So Dreamy Jan 2017
Aku tahu mengapa dari jutaan perempuan yang ada di dunia ini, matamu memilih hanya untuk memandangi satu perempuan berambut gelombang sedada dengan kaos polos berbahan nyaman berwarna abu-abu muda yang kamu sebut ia sebagai perempuan indie.

Dia perempuan yang kau beri label indie karena ia mendengarkan musik-musik aneh yang tidak masuk di telinga pendengar musik-musik mainstream yang biasa mendapatkan lagu kesukaannya diputarkan di radio mobil. Bukan jenis selera musik yang biasa ada di playlist tim pemandu sorak. Selera musiknya ialah tak lain sejenis musik rock yang ringan, lagu-lagu dari tahun 90-an, lagu-lagu dengan sentuhan retro beat tahun 80-an, dan musik elektro santai yang biasanya kamu dengar di toko baju. Selain selera musiknya, kau beri perempuan itu label indie karena ia bersifat eksentrik, tak terduga dan penuh kejutan, sedikit tertutup, dan bersemangat. Ia jenis seseorang yang bisa kamu dapatkan dirinya menatapi permukaan jendela yang basah dihinggapi bulir-bulir rintik hujan, sibuk memikirkan sesuatu. Ia juga jenis perempuan yang bisa kamu dapatkan kadang menarik diri dari keramaian, lebih suka membaca atau menulis seorang diri. Juga, ia seorang perempuan yang bisa kamu temukan sedang tertawa lepas bersama teman-temannya, mengobrol dengan terbuka dan hangat, menebar senyum sambil menyapa ramah, berteman baik dengan semua orang. Ia jenis perempuan yang tak akan kau sangka-sangka, apalagi dapat kau tebak tindak-tanduk akan ia perbuat selanjutnya. Kau pikir ia jenis perempuan yang kuat, sesungguhnya ia katakan bahwa dirinya cengeng. Setelah itu, kau pikir selanjutnya ia bukan tipikal perempuan mandiri yang mampu membawa dirinya sendiri ke mana pun, tapi nyatanya kau lihat kadang ia berjalan sendiri – ke kantin, ke mushola, bahkan kadang kau mendapati dirinya berjalan pulang seorang diri dengan kedua telinga ditancapi earphone putih. Ia perempuan berperawakan kecil dan seorang pemimpi besar, yang mimpi-mimpinya membuatnya bekerja keras demi menghilangkan ketakutannya akan pikiran ketidakmampuan mewujudkannya. Ia dianggap secerah mentari bagi orang-orang di sekitarnya, selalu tertawa dan melisankan kata-kata positif, tapi sesungguhnya, ia hanyalah mentari bagi dirinya sendiri. Setiap kali ia jatuh, ia yang membuat dirinya kembali bangun − hingga akhirnya, ia tanamkan pada benaknya bahwa begitulah proses dari kehidupan. Kehidupan adalah siklus yang adil. Kehidupan berbuat tidak adil pada semua orang dan itulah saat yang paling tepat di mana ia harus bangkit dan mekar, hanya untuk dirinya sendiri.

Aku tahu kemudian mengapa perempuan yang kamu sebut sebagai perempuan indie itu menarik perhatianmu, bahkan sampai membuatmu rela melakukan apapun untuknya. Ia benar-benar membuatmu seolah bangun dari tidur lama di ruang kedap cahaya, pandangan matamu seolah mengatakan bahwa perempuan itulah matahari baru dalam kehidupanmu. Tentang bagaimana tindak-tanduknya yang tak mampu kau reka dan kau prediksi, perempuan itu membuatmu seperti melihat sebuah misteri dan keajaiban yang melebur jadi satu.

Sebut saja, sederhananya,
kamu benar-benar (akan) mencintainya.
Lisa Nov 2014
Pacing rapidly, doors slamming in the background.
I can't find iPod...no - irritation is building up inside of me - it's about to erupt. Where is my iPod??
In a violent flash of outrage, I smash my earphone against the desk.
Dropping down to the chair, and gazing out of the window, I'm suddenly thinking who is this hot-tempered person?
Bus
Americana is not Greyhound.

People come and go like life,
Attached to the waiting random.

The road feels longer,
Relief of excretion and sanitation,
Home spreads everywhere.

Sitting strangers are stories,
Riding by unknown sceneries,
Thinking about their hometown,
Wondering if they will reach their destination on time.

Earphone music connects memories to a person so vividly,
It feels like a new chapter in my life,
Bookmark the important ones with parts of me,
It feels like I’m departing,
From something small to somewhere big.

It’s
already
an adventure
once     the      first
step          is         made
with                               you.
XIII Jun 2015
We are polar opposites
You are West, I am East
Our views always contradict
You have a sweet tooth, I don't like sweets

You are white, I am black
Not literally, but just in life view
Sometimes you're ***** white and I'm clear black
It varies from half empty to half full

You are an extravert
While I am an introvert
You like being surrounded by people
I'm fine being secluded in the darkest corner

You're frank and always true
I lie so no one will have a clue
But you always know what I hide
While I am oblivious if you're really fine

You are a cat-lover, I am a dog-lover
It rain cats and dogs when we're together
You sing the sweetest meow at my whimper
I happily wag my tail at your purr

We both like music though
But we listen to different genres
We never even shared on one earphone
So sometimes we just endure the silence

You are a sadist, I am a *******
You leave bite marks on my skin
Whenever you're overwhelmed
But I'm really fine with it

You like Vampire Diaries and Victoria's Secret
While I like TVXQ and anime
We'll never agree on a TV show
Now who's gonna hold the remote control?

You are a clean freak
I am not that very clean
You're probably next to Godliness
While I'm second to the last in that list

You are very hardworking, I am lazy
While you are being busy
I'm being a potato on the couch
"Sweep the floor.", you said as the broom flew on my face, "Ouch!"

I like food trips
But you are on a diet
You like to eat healthy
I like to eat anything but veggies

True, we don't have anything in common
Except for the dislike of the black part of the fish's meat
But we are familiar of our demons
And the how-tos for its defeat

Yes, we must be polar opposites
And yes, we're like magnets
Positive plus negative
To each other, we are attracted

I am salt, you are pepper
And we complement each other
We are each others' puzzle pieces
Completing each others' emptiness

We are yin and yang
We cannot live without either one
And most importantly, you and I
We rhyme
To my significant other.
It’s so easy to feel so small

I’m on a bus, the last one that runs on a Wednesday night,
Sketching a tired face
Bags under the eyes, made of black ink

I’m eavesdropping on a conversation,
(Does it count as eavesdropping when
There are only two people speaking in an otherwise
Silent bus?)

My heart’s been having an existential crisis,
And my stomach and chest
Empty
Yet heavy
Someone’s hands are holding my insides
And squeezing them in a fist
It is exhausting
It is lonely

In my right ear is this beautiful song
Violin and cello and
A raw passion that reminds me
That it’s okay
To be human, and to be scared shitless

I’m still listening, partly
But not really
It’s late
I want to sleep
Busses are full of zombies-
Phone, earphone, unsmiling zombies
And despite the
Tired sketch on my lap
I’m one, too

The conversation slows
I smile
I turn and I recognize the face in front of me
I’m told that this person, vaguely familiar face, whose conversation
I’ve been eavesdropping on remembers one of my poems
About stars
And the line is on his wall
A line from a poem that I wrote
About stars
Is on someone’s wall
Even better than when Chad Oliver told me I was
Quite attractive junior year of high school,
And I remember writing that poem
And I feel a little less useless

I want to cry

My body hasn’t known what to do with itself lately
You see I exhausted myself in love
And now that it’s gone
I feel useless
My heart pulls towards mediocre sketches
First sips of coffee in the morning,
Listening to the violin
It doesn’t know what else to feel for
It’s been left in this dark room
Grasping for a table,
****, even a stepstool,

Heartbreak is exhausting
Because it’s not just the heart
And it doesn’t really break
It just has to re-learn how to feel

But I get off the bus
And the night is warm,
The moon is
Beautiful,
This white-hot luminescence
Burning through the silhouettes of trees,
So bright the sky is still blue 6 hours after sundown.

I open my palms up to her
I see the stars
I open my palms up to them
They guide me home
Anna who was mad,
I have a knife in my armpit.
When I stand on tiptoe I tap out messages.
Am I some sort of infection?
Did I make you go insane?
Did I make the sounds go sour?
Did I tell you to climb out the window?
Forgive. Forgive.
Say not I did.
Say not.
Say.

Speak Mary-words into our pillow.
Take me the gangling twelve-year-old
into your sunken lap.
Whisper like a buttercup.
Eat me. Eat me up like cream pudding.
Take me in.
Take me.
Take.

Give me a report on the condition of my soul.
Give me a complete statement of my actions.
Hand me a jack-in-the-pulpit and let me listen in.
Put me in the stirrups and bring a tour group through.
Number my sins on the grocery list and let me buy.
Did I make you go insane?
Did I turn up your earphone and let a siren drive through?
Did I open the door for the mustached psychiatrist
who dragged you out like a gold cart?
Did I make you go insane?
From the grave write me, Anna!
You are nothing but ashes but nevertheless
pick up the Parker Pen I gave you.
Write me.
Write.
Armand-DeamoJC Sep 2018
Here I lay in my comfort composure
Listening to every rythm of my music
Removing my white earphone to listen
To listen to the beauty of nature raining
Picturing myself as a randrop falling; free
Picturing the placid movement of water
Moving as one, cold breeze and falling with heavy gravitational pull
Thinking back to when I'd lay in
comfort
Listening to every perfect beat of your heart
Concentrating on the whispers of your spirit
Being attentive to your chords as you release them
Piercing my mind, quaking
through my flesh
To simply un-wither that was even desintegrated
Your love circulating my veins
Simply
By speaking
Rippling accross my seams
Bolting through my body more
than any drug ever
Hanging me on your hook
Touring to the meadow in my
dreams
Conquering the battles in my
nightmares
Re-writing the words on my page
that is life
Then
After enough re-painting
Of my story
You started to un-write my book
Crossing the hearts
Tearing the written pages
Oh how I could only stand and
stare
Oh how all you did, difficultly
Glare
The whispers your soul gave
withered
Cleared and filléd my mind
vacant
Was I abandoned by your heart
So easily the welcoming door
Became an unbidden command
requested
This hour
Is when I play it back;
Remenisce about it
Laying alone, in discomfort
Listening to no beats
Not even one of my own
Then I close my eyes violently
Shoving back the emotion
To silently replay those words
I love you
Always
Crashing down
Bolting tar through my body
Poisoning my mind
Rippling through my veins
That same poison
Is what I use
To **** inside me
What demons creep
See the story has a twist
What I feared most
What demons I feared even more
Is exactly what I became
The poison inside me
Crisply ogling at me
Inside the cage
Compresséd
Inside what
We call a
Mirror
A very long poem yes I know, if you read this far thank you. It's 03:26 and I just think back to the best days of my life
I knew you forever and you were always old,
soft white lady of my heart. Surely you would scold
me for sitting up late, reading your letters,
as if these foreign postmarks were meant for me.
You posted them first in London, wearing furs
and a new dress in the winter of eighteen-ninety.
I read how London is dull on Lord Mayor's Day,
where you guided past groups of robbers, the sad holes
of Whitechapel, clutching your pocketbook, on the way
to Jack the Ripper dissecting his famous bones.
This Wednesday in Berlin, you say, you will
go to a bazaar at Bismarck's house. And I
see you as a young girl in a good world still,
writing three generations before mine. I try
to reach into your page and breathe it back...
but life is a trick, life is a kitten in a sack.
This is the sack of time your death vacates.
How distant your are on your nickel-plated skates
in the skating park in Berlin, gliding past
me with your Count, while a military band
plays a Strauss waltz. I loved you last,
a pleated old lady with a crooked hand.
Once you read Lohengrin and every goose
hung high while you practiced castle life
in Hanover. Tonight your letters reduce
history to a guess. The count had a wife.
You were the old maid aunt who lived with us.
Tonight I read how the winter howled around
the towers of Schloss Schwobber, how the tedious
language grew in your jaw, how you loved the sound
of the music of the rats tapping on the stone
floors. When you were mine you wore an earphone.
This is Wednesday, May 9th, near Lucerne,
Switzerland, sixty-nine years ago. I learn
your first climb up Mount San Salvatore;
this is the rocky path, the hole in your shoes,
the yankee girl, the iron interior
of her sweet body. You let the Count choose
your next climb. You went together, armed
with alpine stocks, with ham sandwiches
and seltzer wasser. You were not alarmed
by the thick woods of briars and bushes,
nor the rugged cliff, nor the first vertigo
up over Lake Lucerne. The Count sweated
with his coat off as you waded through top snow.
He held your hand and kissed you. You rattled
down on the train to catch a steam boat for home;
or other postmarks: Paris, verona, Rome.
This is Italy. You learn its mother tongue.
I read how you walked on the Palatine among
the ruins of the palace of the Caesars;
alone in the Roman autumn, alone since July.
When you were mine they wrapped you out of here
with your best hat over your face. I cried
because I was seventeen. I am older now.
I read how your student ticket admitted you
into the private chapel of the Vatican and how
you cheered with the others, as we used to do
on the fourth of July. One Wednesday in November
you watched a balloon, painted like a silver abll,
float up over the Forum, up over the lost emperors,
to shiver its little modern cage in an occasional
breeze. You worked your New England conscience out
beside artisans, chestnut vendors and the devout.
Tonight I will learn to love you twice;
learn your first days, your mid-Victorian face.
Tonight I will speak up and interrupt
your letters, warning you that wars are coming,
that the Count will die, that you will accept
your America back to live like a prim thing
on the farm in Maine. I tell you, you will come
here, to the suburbs of Boston, to see the blue-nose
world go drunk each night, to see the handsome
children jitterbug, to feel your left ear close
one Friday at Symphony. And I tell you,
you will tip your boot feet out of that hall,
rocking from its sour sound, out onto
the crowded street, letting your spectacles fall
and your hair net tangle as you stop passers-by
to mumble your guilty love while your ears die.
sd Jul 2013
Do you remember?

Do you remember hanging out during the clinic?
We all got on the bus, heading to the clinic. K- and G- tried to make me sit next to you,
filling my seat with violins, trying to force me to sit next to you, but I resisted,
so embarrassed. I listened to my mp3player and talked to K- and G- and Sa- and J-. K- and I played punch-buggy and she got me way more times than I did. You and I  more or less ignored each other. We didn't talk for a while, until there was a break.
I don't remember how or why, but you ended up with one of my earphones,
and we were listening to my music, (thank god we like the same stuff)
and K- and G- came over and invited us to that elementary school game,
where you get in a close circle and grab hands with two people and try to untangle everyone without
un-clasping hands. I just grabbed two people's hands but K- and G- forced me to grab your hands
and I'm sure I was blushing.
Fast forward a while, 'til we were breaking again, all of us from P- High School huddled in a corner,
K- made me sit next to you, elbow to elbow, thigh to thigh. She was sitting half on my legs and you were telling me about the time that Br- ate your pizza and why you wouldn't give him any of your
Mountain Dew that you had in your backpack. You showed me the seven cans you had and the
power strip you brought to charge phones. Then you gave me a Mountain Dew and we talked,
and I was showing you the video that I always hoped no one saw me watching because of how
creepy it is, and we walked to the auditorium and
my heart was running a million miles a minute and my hands were shaking as we talked
and we sat together in the auditorium, listening to our Zune's and you were telling me about
how you had several seasons of Adventure Time on yours and then we watched
"Burning Low", the episode where Finn is going out with Flame Princess and it was so cute
but then G- ruined it by coming over and pulling out your earphone and watching the video for a few seconds. But he went away and we talked for so long and you made me laugh so loud that Ms. R-
shushed me.
Eventually we went to lunch and I didn't really eat because of my hypoglycemia and we talked forever over pizza and Mountain Dew.
Skip forward a few hours, going home on the bus, sitting side by side, singing along to songs, until we got back to the school, hanging out until our respective adults picked us up.
You and I were last, listening to my Zune, and I was standing on the feet of the piano, so we were closer
in height and I was petting your hair (the first time of what will be many) and we went outside to wait, listening to Caraphernelia as my aunt pulled up, deciding to "punish" me for not calling in time,
yelling out her car window that my "***** looked bigger." I glared and yelled that I didn't think my band-mate really needed to hear that and she laughed and I waved goodbye to you.
Not long later, Sh- called and we were talking and she said that
you said that you definitely liked me.
One of the happiest moments of my life, until then.
JaegukLee May 2019
The melody that earphone sings,
momentarily interrupts me
from the surging flow of busy life -

It releases me from
the supressing weight of burden,
softly whispers and convinces me
to become part of the wave than to chase it.

The dancing tides of a spirit
resemble
the dance of a child.

Today, Tomorrow and on
I am looking forward to become
a part of the voice.
Andy Sep 2016
Today I spotted
a disfigured man
by the lake.
His right hand
in a soiled
bandage loosely tied.
Left eye missing -
I dared not
uproot his repose.
I feared for
him so frail,
Beside black water.

Today I spotted
a disfigured man
aboard a train.
Earphone hung from
melted plastic ear,
does he listen?
He smells foul
and looks unblinking -
a commuting ghoul.
What station can
such a man
find his home?

Today I spotted
a disfigured man
at dinner alone.
His teeth rotten
with gums bleeding -
drinking soup slowly.
Waxy red blood
staining cheap napkins
He doesn't care.
An omnipresent reminder
that no man
survived a week.
XIII Nov 2015
Let me drown with codes
Like it's the only language I know
Colorful paragraphs
Tab within a tab

Let me drown with installation windows
Full of "Next" buttons
To click
And wait

Let me drown with email, online and phone supports
Along with "How can one person be so stupid?" questions
And curses to bossy clients
With evil wishes of their servers' deaths

Let me drown with corny jokes
Thrown to friends to make them laugh more
Pretending that there's nothing wrong
'Cause I'm the joker - I'm the clown

Let me drown with songs
From a noise-cancelling earphone
Full of memories
Of where I want to be

Let me drown with poem ideas
Unwritten words so vast
Crowded in the back of my head
Shouting when everything around me is silent

Let me drown with other things
So that I do not drown
With my own tears
Because, now, you're gone
Fenix Flight May 2014
Earphone Blasting
Trying to chase away the tears
trying not to pass out

Close my eyes
let my feet travel
this familiar road home

Breathe in

Suddenly get a whiff
of pine needle trees
reminds me of christmas

Breathe in

another Whiff
stronger the scent
smile spreads

I imagine this is what
the North Pole smells like
clean and fresh, full of life

I feel my muscles
unwinds, letting go
unfurling from their tense stance

Breathe in
one more time
open my eyes

Ok I can do this
and I carry on
Raj J Patel Jan 2016
Guest Speaker
Pay attention to the guest speaker
Instead of your earphone speaker,
Because the guest speaker
May be gone tomorrow.
Olive Dec 2011
I've been thinking...
                                wondering...
                                                    ­hoping...
But there is no hope left.
Once, I knew hope,
Like the friend who holds you up
But always falls asleep in the middle of your longest nights.
Those nights with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Yet, there is hope; this is the paradox.
There is hope, but what I need now is not.

Because,
As life works, the right things make themselves known at the wrong times,
And the wrong, destructive things make their way into the most beautiful times.

And now, I should be devoting my time to something worthwhile.
But, I sit, cross-legged on the floor,
My right earphone in my left ear because I need it that way.
I used to hear with both ears, as you do.
Not anymore.

I'm thinking about you.
Wondering and hoping things about you.
I tried to lay down everything for you,
But you didn't know it.
You don't know the sting this leaves in my heart when we talk long into the nights.
Nobody knows the ache I feel when they're all beaming.
I beam too, so that they don't know.
I need it this way.

Maybe I react too easily.
Maybe my heart is too tender.
Maybe, I say, but I know nothing.

Nothing but that this too shall pass.

Above all, there is still
                                       *Hope.
This is for those times you cannot tell anyone anything because everyone thinks they know everything, but what really troubles you is unbeknownst to everyone but yourself. Your only hope is that all this will pass.
Shylah S Apr 2013
I met you at the chance,
A coincidence,
But I never believed in those.

I learned to believe in fate.

The connection between us instantly clicked,
Like a cord to a power plug,
Like a button on a blouse,
Like rain to the ground.

We talked and talked and talked and tal---
till the teacher told me to stop.

One day in my favorite class--Art,
I was listening to my music and drawing trying to ignore the feelings I was beginning to feel,
Forgetting you existed---forgetting you changed my world.
But your voice drowned my music with a simple question,
"What are you listening to?"
Figuring out a reply,
"Just some random song, its really old, like 2003---"
Stopping myself before I start blathering,
"Come'on, what song is it?" you say, with a big smile on your face.
What if he makes fun of my music? What if he hates me after I show him?
But without having to choose, I hear your voice again interrupting my thoughts
My iPod in your hand and a simple reply,
"I love this song"
I take out my left earphone and pass it too you silently,
and we sit like this, both of us dazed in the thought of---
This one is one of my longest poems, and I just had to post it.
enjolras Jul 2014
My hands will constantly feel empty
now that they aren't holding yours.
But at least now I can write comfortably.

Listening to music is much better
when I'm not sharing
the other earphone with you.

Sleeping earlier is a better alternative
than talking to you until
the wee hours of the morning.

It's nice to not worry about
looking over or under dressed
because now I'm only dressing for myself.

And lately I have come to realize
I don't need you
at all.
Jonothan Lewis Aug 2013
Thank you for the best 2 weeks of my life
A time I will never forget
We met there, became best friends
From then on we we were set

Things I miss on those long bus rides
For hours we could talk
One earphone each, jamming a tune
Or sleep after a long days walk

The same type of person, in seperate halves
Was definitely what we were
The jokes, the laughing, the singing, the fun
To be back there,  my heart yearns

We speak on the phone for hours on end
I look forward to our weekly call
The way we talk to eachother there
It's as if nothing's changed at all

Just a little longer till we reunite
"We'll meet again soon" we say
I can't wait until that moment comes
Because I miss you every day
Pea Sep 2014
"I once tried to fit my head and whole body in a Pringles can, just so
someday when I die, it would be easier for them to bury me."

It was something Sonja would say.

Though I begin to forget who she is, how she likes to think, what she
likes to say and do. I am erasing her, though all we ever were is a
dancer's footprints on the beach.

We have never had a proper dance lesson. I wonder what kind of lie it
was when I thought of buying a pair of nice, soft pink ballet shoes. But
honesty runs in my blood and that's why each month I bleed for seven
days.

I am gluing the butterflies to the wall. They would glow in the dark and
do with us what the Blue Fairy do with Pinocchio.

None of us has ever lied until we found the ruby. I feel that her nose is
becoming longer, longer than ever.

It feels ethereal, like we are one but separated. Light as an angel's step. I
cannot stop thinking about the dance.

Going to the beach, while the road is still moonlit.

Tonight the sky is clear. I can hear the crickets chirp. I am forgetting
how her voice sounds, how her hair falls, how her eyes open and close. I
think it's because I might have defenestrated her.

That is how the curtain insists to stay in red.

"I want to marry my earphone."*

I wonder if it is also something Sonja would say. I only remember her
as a yellow thing, small as sprout and dead as bark. She tried a lot to
kiss some metal and cold liquids, but her lips were too unreal and her
nails would not ever grow long.

I think she fell and broke a whole skull.

It is always our dream to be the sand.
Tommy Jackson Sep 2015
August is the stage
With the backdrop set

Venerable speaker's
Sound musician's can't forget

Eminent bands
Blue's, rock, metal, slapping hand's

Funk, the ****
Cup's of bud light, and heavier stuff

No earphone's
These jam's homemade fresh

No cheap microphone
The horde and the wife

Only need the best.
antxthesis Apr 2015
have you noticed that there's a r i g h t way to do things?
and that if you had done it any other way it would have been wrong?
have you noticed that certain things only match with certain things,
they fit just r i g h t?
and that's just how it is?
have you noticed there's a left and right on earphones,
and that the one designated for your left, doesn't fit good in the r i g h t?
have you also noticed that only your left hand fits the earphone in your left ear properly?
why is it that your left shoes only fits your left?
and your right shoes only fits your r i g h t?
why is it that your underwear can't be worn both front way and back way?
just as how your shirt can't be worn front way and back way?
why is it that the river flows to the sea,
and not the sea to the river?

don't you think i was made for you?
and you for me?
you see,
just as how the left glove fits perfect on the left hand and the right glove fits perfect on the r i g h t hand,
you were the r i g h t and perfect one for me and I for you.
the day i first saw her,
she sat in the corner
curled up,
with one earphone in one ear.
She looked at me
for a brief second,
then looked away,
for some odd reason.
I looked at her,
saw her beauty.
I hadn't known
what our future would hold.
How could i known
What joy she'd bring me.
And what
love she would hold for me.
How could I have known
at that very second,
how much her life,
would mend with mine.
I remember that day,
like it was yesterday.
I wish I could have known
just who that girl would be.
I marveled at her
when i finally met her.
Her personality clearly beat mine.
I love the way
she looks at me now.
I love the way she smiles at me.
so clearly I can see,
her love for me.
So lovely is she.
Shemeans the wordl to me
for you
spacedrunk Aug 2016
ive got a bad case of earphone head
added to the laundry list of reasons to commit suicide
im not the outline i was born to be
josh says he's talking to voicemails
n i guess we all kinda are
my legs are melting, dripping from telephone babies
i don't want yr hours i want socks without holes in the toes
i keep forgetting to bring the tea that reminds me of her soft skin
i think she is an angel
either way ill end up like the bride ghost
i would run away with you if i could // jesus died on the cross so i could quit my job
Medhina Khanal Jan 2018
So,
Here's to the lost soul
The one who wants to go right but goes left
For no apparent reason

The one who dreams high and stumbles upon the depth

The one who is as tangled as the knotted
Earphone

The one who wants to go out and
Stay at home, the same time

The one who wonders why they didn't chose the former or the later and vice versa
Upon choosing the former and the later
And regrets anyway

Here's to the one who have no idea what they are doing with life

The one who wants to do better
But does the same thing everyday

The one who feels
Entire world is running infront of their eyes
And they are bounded just like trees from their roots

Here's to the one who don't know who they are
Or
why they are
Or
What they are

Here's to the lost soul
Who often don't see the charisma of their own reflection
Because
They are so lost
In their own thought
In their own world
Aerinlia Nov 2017
Busy city life
Wake up in the morning
Get ready for work
Traffic-jam
Work
Traffic-jam on the way home
Little time to relax
And it repeats

I want to escape
But I can't leave this city
Because of responsibilities
So how?

Soothing sounds of nature
River flowing
Birds singing in the forest
Rain sounds

All in Youtube
I plugged my earphone
Close my eyes
And start listen to it

So relaxing
So this is where I can escape
If I can't go anywhere
Then just escape to my own world of imagination.
Mr Xelle Oct 2014
Hanging on by faith so what's holding me?
I'm not numb I just can't carry my feelings.
I'm like a ear with a earphone in it.
The song I hear is "You can do this, your gunna make it."
When I take them out I look up and start walking.
Went in with expectancy left with with expectancy.
I will make it threw this nothing is holding me ...
But I'm hangout with faith soon nothing will go tell something and most will say well he's got something why is he still driving because there's a day where everything will try to be with me it will get jealous at me and faiths love you see then there will be anything trying to hold my hand but let them speak all of them will walk with me one day but at the end it will be faith that will lead that's been leading me .
I could have done it
should have done it
but I bottled it,

don't they say that  
cowardice
is next to Godliness?

anyway
there's enough heroes
out there
going about with their
underwear
on top of their
trousers.

The average Joe
will never go
looking for trouble.

The Jubilee.

Medallion man
with a metro
hetero?

and a lady
perspiring,
gender fluid?

The iphone
connected to the earphone
the earphone connected
to the..
...you can sing along if
you like.

Mind ranging over mountain
peaks,

It's akin to having been there
but
they don't stamp your passport.

Moving on as we do
if only to go through
this tunnel to reach
the light.
Maya Shafiqah Feb 2018
it’s almost midnight.
the sound of my little brother yelling while playing his video games.
the sound of my mom crying watching her favorite drama.
my sister who's ignoring the world when she’s on her phone.
my dad who’s rarely home.
my older brother who is in his own world.
me, writing this down while listening to a sad playlist with my ****** earphone.
IncholPoem Feb 2019
Ber  and Dim sum festivals
  for  your  nail's angriness.



Peacock  and    woman  head  
  were  covered  by
Indian  flowers  in   a
digital  painting screen.


Two    dry  cells  of  Japan
  are  powerless.




The  Chinese   made
  unrepairable    earphone
  was  once  damaged
  then  repaired
Second  time   it
became   damaged.

Again  repaired.

— The End —