Probability.
I sit here in class,
Seeing my teacher talk;
It's probably something useful
On probability.
How about the probability of my life?
Probability to do my homework;
Non because I've been called a ******* so many times, I've given up.
Probability of me getting the perfectly imperfect version of a boyfriend;
Zilch because no one appreciates a young healthy, very curvy sophomore with a DD,
Yet people who make fun of me will WISH and HOPE for my ******* in their future years
They will even get surgery just to make themselves like me,
So what is the practical probability they stop making fun of me;
Zilch!
Probability that I will be seen as more than an object to others;
******* to none because I don't make an effort anymore, not after sixth grade.
Probability I will ever feel completely good about myself as a whole;
Maybe because I have six awesome friends who don't put me down.
Probability my life will get better;
Someday but not today
My past made an irreplaceable mark on me
And my probability.
Will the percentage grow,
Along with my hopes?

Dear Minimalist,
Dear Belittler,
Dear Soulless Ginger,
Dear Stupid,
        because I know you hate being called that.
Dear ****,
Dear Liar,
Dear Sexist,
Dear Racist,
        you typical stereotyper.
Dear *******,
Dear *******,
Dear *******,
Dear ******-****,
Dear *******,
Dear *******,
Dear *******,

*******.

you live on the puke star of dumbstruck
you sniff glue,  but stick too a strict code of *******
you're the mule and the contraband
the sweat on a flea.

you're like a radio silence. screaming and ****.

lucky me.

Sit down for a minute and think.
If there are no more chairs, take a knee.
You're about to get taught a lesson.
Here is a bit of information, for you, from me.

I'm not your wife, your girlfriend, your 'friend'.
If you read what I wrote, and thought of yourself..
Perhaps who you were with might agree...
That you're a *******.
A fool.
An illiterate 38 year old 'tool'.

I'm sorry if I remind you of your ex-wife.
Keep your problems to yourself.
I have things to handle in my own life.

The world doesn't revolve around you.
Which, I understand for your gender is a difficult thing to grasp.
So I'll put it this way.
Get off my ******* ***!

Let's take a breath and let things get personal.
This is for each of you that messaged me, feeling angry, hurt, or purposeful.

Michael, cut you deep did it?
I'd almost care, but...
I'm guessing you're a ***** since you couldn't even handle a poem.
About someone else's wife, leaving the home.
Don't send me a message again.
I don't care about your emotional ****.
Seriously take a long walk off a short bridge and into a vast pit.

Now Lawrence? You're next.
Dumb ****, run spell check.
And for Christ sake, learn a little respect.
All I have to say to you is you're not important.
In fact, I found your poetry to be without emotion, robotic and abhorrent.
A tri-fecta of bad which assaults the senses!
Get off the computer, pick up a crayon and learn how to write in full sentences.

Amanda... now you know there is a reason I was saving you for last!
I'm surprised your feet touch the ground with that stick so far up your ***!
Why would I have spent four years of my life? Wasted on a *******?
None of your business, ***** hole.
Maybe you should stop asking questions and go find a soul.
I'm sure you'll learn your lessons soon enough.
But ******* contact me again, and **** will get rough.

Alright lads here it comes full truth unvarnished
         lately I feel life is tarnished,
         with this Patina upon my soul,
I tell you all I won't grow old.

We won't be sharing drinks and dandling grandkids boys,
this world is grey, I'm null and void,
underappreciated hated unemployed,
a jaded unappreciative oul ****?
yeah I deserve that-I can't front
no more lies but bitter truths,
lets rip these forgeries out by roots,
lets force this Gall and Hemlock down,
a deadly cocktail but I've found,
once choked down I'm Numb...comfort cold,
to you I'll leave behind I know,
believe me please...just let me go

Chorus/Sample 2

"So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
I only wish you weren't my friends
Then I could hurt you in the end
my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go"

all right lads "order! down in front"!
a lot to take in all at once?
I know I know my lying smile
has fooled you all but it's been awhile
I'm sorry Bro I really am,
I tried my best to face the flames
but now I'm falling, no more games
no more lies Procrastination,
no more ******* obfuscation,
took the Beck Depression inventory...scored 100%!
been through a few too many ****** up life events,
more just round the corner-the Reaper awaits,
but It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
      I am the captain of my soul.

"So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there
I only wish you weren't my friends
Then I could hurt you in the end
my own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go"

The End?

stuff spread all over
moving from one abandoned
house
to another
****
phone broke
homeless joke
it ain't so funny
stuck
can't get out of here
trust no one
ever-fear
night wary light little
some kind of maze
**** riddle
i don't have the answer to
got to get
before it gets you
i got to go real soon
new hat same shoes
this is dust
it'll **** you
wake up
on the morning news
hide your things
or take them with
else you ain't gonna have ****
broken will
broken dog.
sleeping in this hollow log
now to drink mud
sick two days and still gotta move
another place i can't stay long
don't look now
here comes the law
give me ****
wish me luck
thinking I'm a *** *******
******
got what i had coming
can i put up an argument
would it be worth the time or breath
hell hill
third world frills
cops chasing the elusive
kids
kick grandma's door in shoot to ****
shoulda left the gun
grabbed the till
19 now a ****** rap what the hell am i to
do with that
all these things i see
leave me choked
without speech
stressing on the basics now
all day long
bow me down

if posthumous fame is a wooden spoon
still I chant her name and see Flaming June

with her too late and far too soon
a few women now know I love the moon

I drive at night to Dylan tunes
throwout ******* Trump and his goons

still remember those true Taipei typhoons
and seeing Sweden’s Viking runes

took a world history class from Dr. Yoon
nearing 50, now past high noon

pray to plant mustard seeds
before I meet my doom

Like Thomas Merton I have been to Bangkok
Even Samutprakan
Silent in Gethsemani
Temple of the Dawn

On my second date
Heard Thich Nhat Hanh
Wrote to Daniel Berrigan
Seattle for the fawn

Bangkok is quite bustling
Tuk tuks in the rain
Motorcycle taxis
I fear American fame

Passed the ball to Alex
In New York I will attack
George W. paints in Texas
******* destroyed Iraq

           But I fight back.

Silence.
Such a pretty thing, isn’t it?
You can hear your own thoughts,
Your own breath,
Your existence.
You can look at yourself and see,
What makes you, you.
Without hearing anyone else ramble ****.
Let your thoughts run.
Breathe.
Probably, you’ll hear the wind,
Probably you’ll see the light.
Probably you’ll just cry.
Frightening, isn’t it?
To be with yourself.  
You don’t know who you are.
Hah, you’re just a piece of life.
Stuck inside a human.
Don’t like it, do ya?
Good news, you’re stuck.
Breathe.
You can’t trust yourself.
Your mind is vicious,
Terrifying to be with.
To watch.
To witness.
To understand.
Do you trick yourself into thinking stuff about you?
Or are you actually that ‘stuff’?
Who knows?
Lol, 𝘺𝘰𝘶, you idiot. ****. Ya just don't realize it.
That’s why you can’t trust yourself.
You don’t know.
But you pretend to know.
Silence.  
A mind’s best friend.
Can make you happy,
Or sad.
Lonely?
You’re a loner?
Nah. Your mind makes you think that, honey.
‘Silence gives you space to think and reflect’ – said every ******* ever.
Yeah, right. These *******.
It tricks you.
You don’t know what silence’ll do to you.
Makes your mind trick the **** outta ya.
Makes you think.
Observe.
It’s scary.
Cause you don’t know.
But you pretend to know.

Can't erase my past
The sins, mistakes, and shame

The country collapses fast
I'm obsessed with names

Kamala means Lotus
Thomas means the Twin

Goodbye ******* POTUS
You will not win

The Battle in Seattle begins.

******* Donald is for
The Confederate flag

But that racist symbol
Is a ***** old rag

All the King's Men
Knew the demagogic South

Lies and racehate
Pour from its dumb mouth

There's a Voodoo Child
Down in New Orleans

She's now casting spells
I wonder what she means?