Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Justan Rahming Feb 2013
We are trapped in our own river of Time
being pushed forward faster the longer we live
We can see behind us to where we have been
before us we can only guess what will come
There is madness being thrown into the rapids
confusion and disorientation fills my mind
as the cold feelings fill my lungs and heart

I long to sit in a steady pool of water
a lake of peace or an endless ocean
anything to stop this maddening journey
I cannot keep up with the speed of the water
everything that I was has washed away
I am drowning in Time, the present does not exist
constantly moving forward, nothing is now
harlee kae Feb 2014
Life man.
It's just really too much sometimes.
And you, my love, are the best
and worst part of everyday.
It's me really.
Honestly it is. It always is.
I love you.
That is my biggest downfall.
I'm sorry.
I should have never fallen for you.
I drug you into my deep hole of despair,
and now we both suffer.
You stay up all night,
talking to other girls.
Ignoring me.
I go into a jealous rage.
Is that my fault?
I end the day with guilt.
I am always the bad guy.
To myself at least.
You say you love me,
that you'll always love me.
But I'm not too sure.
One whole day without you is honestly too much to bear.
I get anxious.
I think of all the reasons why I'm not worthy of you.
You try to reassure me,
it doesn't work.
I think life would be easier for you if I wasn't around.
It would definitely be easier for me...
She Writes Jun 2018
Tonight I am drowning
Waves of missing you
Crashing all around me
My swirling current of thoughts
Pulls me under
Lost in a sea of tears
Longing to see your lighthouse
To guide me back to safety
**** THEM,
they never knew what they had.
She was right before them,
Did nothing but adore them,
But they were all just bored men.
Bored of themselves,
So they put it on her.
Cleared all her shelves,
And left her heart bare.
While acting like they all truly cared.
But while she was drowning
They sat and they stared.
She said she believed them,
When they said they'd be paired.
Love's what she believed in,
But life isn't fair.
So **** them for deceiving,
This beautiful girl,
Who now just feels broken,
In a dark empty world.
KHAYRI RR WOULFE Aug 2017
I can't hold on,
I can't let go...


I keep on breathing
But each breath is suffocating.
My heart keeps pounding
But in my own blood,
I'm sinking.


I wanna hold on,
I wanna let go...


Smiling if I'm sad.
Frowning when I'm glad.
The past feels like a dream,
The future, a nightmare.


I'm not holding on,
I'm not letting go...


Here's the feeling I can't express:
There's a fret I can't suppress.
Words, thoughts
I've been screaming to you
Come back as whispers
Like I'm talking to my echo.


Tired of holding on,
Afraid of letting go...


I don't wanna die
But I keep on killing myself.
I need a reason to live.
I need the sun to wake me
From my restless sleep.


I can't hold on,
I can't let go...


Hands stuck in the solid air,
Standing on waters, crystal clear.
Hanging on to the nothingness,
Begging for help from the emptiness.


If I did hold on,
If I do let go...


If I fall deep into the sea,
I only wanted to see:
If I disappear,
Would anyone care?
Shed a single tear?
Pull me up here?


As the gravity drags me deeper...
As the light vanishes from my sight...
As the waters conceal my tears falling...


As I keep on holding on,
As I finally let go...
As I talk to my echo...
And drowning...
Written
11 September 2016

Revised
15 November 2018

Copyright
© Khayri R.R. Woulfe. All rights reserved.
MJ L Nov 2014
Rigid spine,
a creeping spider shuffling
through
the mental aisles.

Sight aloft,
aghast, a ceiling.
Cast away in one’s own chamber.

Preacher’s preaches
drown in water, leagues
below my iron
bedstead.

My life is filled with endless apologies

Sincere and heartfelt promises that are shallow and empty


It's not a conscious thought
The words aren't spoken with known deceit or intentional mal-intent
But somewhere in my brain, buried in my subconscious, I know...
A self-sabotaging automated programming constantly running
And regardless of my cognitive actions or conscious thoughts, desires and intentions
My automated programming will find a way to inevitably run its code, follow its routines and execute its prime directive

And that's not a cop out
They're still my actions
Conscious or subconscious
Actions resulting from subconscious "thought" are those I'm too ignorant to see or too weak to change in that moment

I don't know what's worse
The subconscious lies and heaps of horse fertilizer, day in and day out, I shove down the throats of those who cross my path
Or the incessant feed of regurgitated words, phrases, thoughts, ideas and worst of all.... hopes.... that is being forced through my digestive track only to be excreted by my body and re-absorbed by my central nervous system

Hope

The worst trick of all

And it always works. Without fail
Why?
Because it psychologically and emotionally preys on everything I want to be
The Hope that THIS TIME I'll get it right
THIS TIME I won't FAIL
All those things inside of me
All of my
......
Potential
.......
This time it won't be wasted
This time I'll come through. You can count on me!
I promise!
This time I'll be on time
This time I won't be late!
This time I'll meet expectations
This time I'll EXCEED expectations!
This time I won't let people down
This time I won't....
                                 .....
                                    ..... let
                                               ME

                                                      .­....down

Hope

The saddest and ultimate cruelty of lies
Created by the Devil to prey on the weak and gullible
If Hell is living your worst day over and over again for eternity;
Then repeating the same detrimental behaviors over and over again for life, sustained in this perpetual motion by something so simple and harmless looking as "Hope" must fall at the Devil's hands

A wolf in sheep's clothing sprinkled in fairy dust
The worst of thoughts and beliefs are kept alive by Hope
Hope is a disease; a psychological virus
A damaged idea spreading from person to person, hijacking their system, and infecting their thoughts
For Hope is not a singular idea, isolated in seclusion, yet ultimately wrapped up and packaged out with other ideas
No, Hope is the vehicle that all thoughts that follow must ride in and by which be delivered
It is the Uber for ideas that follow
And like an unscrupulous and unpitying Uber driver,
Hope takes your brain to a secluded spot against its will and does as it so pleases
But unlike survivors of such horrific events
I, like a wide eyed doe in the headlights
I continuously expose myself to the exact same scenarios
over
and
over again

But not to worry

Eventually,
Hope will lose its magic
And the void created will be filled

By,

Regret,
Resentment,
Animosity,
Self-doubt,
Self-loathing,

And worst of all,

Denial

Denial is Hope's evil twin

The not so secret malicious trickster who, even though wears his emotions somewhat more clearly, is still capable of a lifetime of successful pranks

But unlike Hope, Denial doesn't always reveal his trick if the tricked has yet to become aware of the ruse
Instead, Denial will let them build
Stack upon stack
A colossal suspension bridge built and supported on Denial
And when I, with blind faith, cross that bridge
Putting everything and anything on the line, without question
That's when Denial delivers its reckoning
And in one all encompassing swoop it swallows me whole and any resemblance of "life" with it

Hope and Denial
My Atlantic and Pacific Oceans
and Me, a tiny island
Flanked on either side by the endless majesty of each
And like this planet,
I too,
Am a sphere spinning
A tiny island against the enormities of the the deep blue
A shipwrecked survivor
Floating on the driftwood of my subconscious
Left to the will of my environment
A helpless passenger on this ship of life
Constantly spinning between Hope and Denial
Some days calm and serene
Others, tormented by storms
Monster waves,
Flashes of lightning,
Ear shattering crackling explosions of thunder
And howling winds so fierce they must be the breath of God

And regardless of what scenario lays before me,
I'm left repeatedly with the same "choice" and same action

Enveloped with fear,
Hanging on for dear life,
Like a helpless and horrified child.....

On the verge of soiling my pants
Written: May 28, 2018

All rights reserved.
Umi Dec 2017
In one night of these nights, I don't know what happened to me
Oh Lord, I am filled with dakness...how can this be ?
Earth and the heavens are closing in to me, theres no way I can flee

I have fallen, a devil without wings,
A demon who's heart has forgotten something called "The light"
A prisoner with not much to say, a prisoner held by strings
And the sun I see has given up her might...
She does not shine, radiate or any of these things

My eyes cry out as I see the others,
Walking blindly through the flames, not anyone bothers
I have become stuck here because of my sins oh God.
"Does this criminal deserve your forgiveness" I'm thinking
I have confessed my sins, but I am still sinking

But today, oh Lord I want to come back, from the darkness cast by this cruel Sun
My heart is broken, my mind is confused, my lungs feel like being pressured by a ton
I am drowning here, can't see anything
Except for you oh my saviour, my king

So I speak out with the last breath
"Save me, and I will try to fix my behaviour"
Even if you resurrect in hell..the pain of death can be felt well


~ Umi
larni May 28
they say that drowning
is bad for you
but will it be
if i want to drown
in your love
?

if i want to swim
in the
deepest parts
of your soul
and be pulled in
?

if i want
the currents
to take me places
elsewhere
away from the
real world
?

so it can be just
you
and
me
?
one day
dadens Dec 2018
hour by hour the morning turns into afternoon and the afternoon turns into evening

and I don’t think of you.

the evening fades into the depth of night as i’m driving down a dark empty road.

the memories of us begin to flood in and suddenly i’m drowning;

until dawn saves me again.
© d.a.dens
zelda Oct 2018
between these dried leaves
in the middle of a forest
we create monsters inside us
as waterfalls overflows
dec, 2017.
alternative name: visions, bubbles, blurry eyes
frances Feb 2014
I wish I had met you when the world was just a sphere
when I was only intoxicated by the thoughts in my head.
Ignorance: it's a wave, temporary
realisation devours you like a parasite.
When you took my hands in yours
I understood how cold I was;
how cold I had always been
I wanted to warn you but then
our lips met and the words died
like leaves at the end of summer.
My apologies were brittle and discoloured, but
If I had the guts I would
throw out these words
as if they were weightless
but it's my hands that are typing
and my eyes keep on shutting
like doors that lock on the inside
I haven't seen my mind for about three weeks now.
I wished I wasn't so tired all the time
but I gave up drinking black coffee
not because my heart condition told me not to
but after a while, I get pretty sick
of being awake and being alert
to things that do not move me.
Once, you told me I should love myself more
but I shook off the suggestion  like dust
I decided I better not tell you how
I ignore peripheral lights when I cross the road
only to get to the same side.
I remember when you told me how
cigarettes are slow suicide
and how I only thought I was drowning
because I'm made 70% by water
and the rest of me was lost in the space
and how you would never stop searching
Michael A Duff Nov 2017
She was drown in the shadows of a past she dare not escape.

Bound by an invisable chain, anchored, and weighting her down.

In a painful comfort of dysfunction, this chain rubbed raw places in her mind.

Like an addict in her ways, kindness and happiness slipped through her open grasp, so she could wade into the familiar waters once again wrapped in her sadness.
it is sad how some you love SO dearly seem to love their problems and past more than the life they could lead in the present. The observation is this damage creates a dysfunctional behavior where the victim thrives on problems, not happiness, and can and will help everyone but themselves.
Umi Apr 2018
Down like an anchor,
Vision is shrinking as your eardrums burst through the grusome pressure, increasing the deeper you go in the deep, blue, merciless sea
A match unwinnable, a fight to the finish, to ones very last breath,
Tackled something so much greater, it has pulled back, after capsizing we made the decision when it came to swim or sink, that we drown,
Swallowed by the ocean,  these great unfathomable depths, taken away our last breath of fresh, salty, stinging, yet very pleasant flavour
Our blanket is a billow, a stormy night which caused this tragedy,
Darkness under darkness, where light upon light once ruled supreme
Until our bodies have been taken apart, by this greedy sea and its desire to take us in, make us a part of it's glorious wide spread self,
Never to see the glassy surface once more, or will we be ship ghosts?
All lies and all sin, all dreams and all majesty, are swept away by swelling waves of the expanse someone may call the pacific ocean,
All ego and all deception, all freedom and all light is lost in its dephts
But we quietly, gently rest with pride in our hearts.


~ Umi
Sienna Oct 2018
you shoved me underwater.
out of sight,
out of mind.

i screamed.
you saw the bubbles,
and you ignored them.

you act as if i'm not alive.
and at this point,
i'm not sure you even care.
he's ignoring me now.
i'm trying to understand.
it's just so hard.
Mariah Button Mar 2018
Icy cold water runs over my hands and I do not move the handle,
I let it wash away the soap without concern for the temperature.
They say that drowning is painful, you feel the burning in your lungs,
You kick and struggle as you fight to get rid of the water and carbon dioxide in your body,
Or you can let it in, your head will feel like it’s exploding.
Your body will feel heavy like several pounds of rocks weighing you down,
But you won’t struggle, you feel a lot of pain at first,
Then it starts to pass and you’ll feel relaxed.
I think about that as I turn the water off,
I go back to my room to watch another episode of some show I'm not paying attention to
I focus on the screen physically but my brain is swimming.
My thoughts are ripples, and then waves, then they are 100 feet high,
A tsunami of pain tugs me into the deep blue purgatory.
I wonder how many water molecules are in this storm,
How many tiny things made this enormous tidal mass.
I breathe in the salt and the sea,
I breathe in the clouds and the sky,
My feet graze the sand as I sink deeper.
I can imagine the coral cutting my insides as my lungs begin to burn,
I feel the fish swimming into my head as it grows like a balloon.
I open my eyes and it’s beautiful,
Miles of empty nothingness surrounds me,
The sun is hitting the water just enough that I can see all the shades of blue,
All the colors that make it so vast and endless.
Icy cold water surrounds me and I do not move,
I let it fill me up and wash away my pain without concern for anything.
They say that drowning is painful and you can feel everything,
I guess I had been doing it for so long that I forgot how to breathe
But now I do not struggle and I let myself sink, and I cannot feel a thing.
First one I felt comfortable enough to share
J Jul 2017
As I close my eyes I can hear everything,
Not a song that birds sing,
The pain that I feel,
Wounds that are so long to heal.

I can feel my tears building up,
As high as the clouds above,
Slowing breaking.... slowly dying,
When will I survive the pain that i'm feeling?

My heart is crushing,
Shhh, they shouldn't hear a thing,
Maybe it will pass,
Please make it fast.

As I close my eyes,
I don't know if I will still see the sun rise.
Spenser Bennett Jan 2017
I live my life
With my head somewhere
Between the clouds and
just above drowning

My heart in the future
Where pain does not last
My eyes on the ground
So my feet know what
Balance is required
To navigate my past

I cover my pale toes
Cover them in mud
So I may not forget
Where my blood
Was wrought
What stains I leave

On the carpet
Of this house
kmr Dec 2018
I don't know
How to swim.
But I do know
How to drown.
Robin Lemmen Oct 2018
Dim down the lights
This way you won't have to see me cry
Turn my body around
My eyes will tell you stories you can't bear to hear
And do ignore me in the morning
I am so dreadfully loud
But am I okay?
Are you alright?
Never again did those words fall
Dripping with honey
Sticky with longing
Down from your lips
To kiss my porcelain skin
Never again did you care
I remember so vividly
The turning of the tides
It came flooding, that Autumn rainfall
And all that was left for us to do
All we did
All we managed

Was drown.
Zell Mar 2018
My ankle is chained.
I gripped on the railing of my sinking ship, hoping i could pull myself out of the water.

As i waited for rescue, rain poured down and waves grew bigger.
The chain attached to my ankle was too heavy that my hand was already slipping. I had to let go since it felt like i was being torn in two as i was being anchored down the depths of the ocean. I was sure my ankle bled from the chain's tightness and the weight that was pulling me down but i couldn't feel the pain. All i felt was the freezing cold water and my heavy chest.

It was as if my heart carried my whole weight.

I never wanted to drown but i felt like i no longer had enough strength to resist. I gasped for air one last time and yet even the air felt like poision.

Now i felt the physical pain. It stung.
My throat was on fire as i allowed myself to be dragged further down. I closed my eyes as tight as i could and clenched my teeth while my body trembled in pain and my chest felt tighter.  

This. This was the only time i hoped my heart would stop beating. but no matter how i hard i wished or prayed, it wouldn't stop. It felt like an hour of drowning and yet i was still conscious. It's my fault. I built it like this. I built it with hope and faith for years. Now i couldn't understand whether it was for good or bad. To hold on to life or hold on to the pain?

Slowly, i was being pulled deeper down the ocean. I tried to open my eyes but i couldn't see anything anymore. There was nothing but the color red.

I never knew i had this amount of blood. Enough to build an ocean which only God can make.

I'm still alive. I can move.
But i am stuck underneath this ocean of blood with my chest still tightening, unsure of when the pain would stop or if anyone could find me at this depth.

You said you'd come visit. So I left a note on my desk hoping you'd find it. I went cruising even if i hated the waters. I brought an anchor and a chain with me but i left its key on the desk too. I had no idea what it was for or why i brought it. All i knew was i was watching the sunset and it was suddenly chained to me when darkness came. I didn't know how my ship sank or how i got in the water. Maybe it was not in good condition. But then again, i knew you would check it everyday because you told me so.

Where are you? Have't you read my note yet? Did you come visit? Are you on your way?


I'll be here waiting, holding on, and hoping that your hand would be the first one to pull me out of my misery. Even if i know you'd never read the note in the first place.
© 2017 D.A. Barreras
Next page