Do you remember,
All the things they would say?
Everyday it was like another rule up and changed.

Can you remember,
When we was out in the rain?
You told me when you looked up at the clouds it was like God drownding your pain..

I remember,
Going insane,
forgetting my name..

I remember...
All the things that you said,
About,
A mans only as good as his word,
Without it,
Your better off dead,
Words up-on words that seemed to fill up my head....
...
..
.
Past times...
In passed times Ive tried to speak my mind,
I pass time,
With all these rythms that I find in my mind and...

All the times I rewind :(

I remember,
The way the sun shines at the end of the day.
Replay,

Do you remember all the things they would say when I was away?
How they called out your flaws,
Now look at the pain that you've caused.....
....
...
I stood up for you,
I held you up everytime you was weak,
I was your voice when no one allowed you to speak...
.... who wouldve thought along with your thoughts, your loyalty was also bleak..

You remember,
  When **** got deep?
I remember,
  My dreams of you being the only reason I'd get sleep..
  Holy water drownding my sorrow,
   This is the leak..
  All the money in the world Id let you borrow like an Arabian sheek.

Im bored with this so Ill just stop but truth be told,
  I dont care if you like it or not.

#SELFexpression
#TheWHOLEπ

she's smoking again.
shes trying to tear herself apart from the inside.
staring with her lungs, then she'll move on to her liver.
drownding herself in alcohol.
her brain is next, killing herself with all these thoughts
but her heart, you've already taken care of that.
you've already beaten, scared and bruised her.
you've already killed her.
you've alredy destroyed her.

Prophet  Ezekiel I finally brought about his company he was the prophet who want to see a sea creature for a long time had been walking back int osee looking sideways at a ******* like me and knowing I noticed that he was not looking back at me because my *** is all eyes on the ocean I just came out of saw it shot down and saw it die in vein I was drownding and had not one person to tell by all mean I was on land as eziakal was in his dream to God Ahh Ezikal was prizedforward what every prophet is a bag of seed an instance when the drop there dream of there furry cat and and have to organize the people to get up off there ***** and plow the land so excited all the people they even invited the people who got exciled for the dream of the sea said it all because how the **** could you explain one group participating in the the bitter riverly as confusion and chaos to get over there because have would eat and half would not because they knew they all knew yes they were in for a time of thinking and who was going to take the first shift they were pros they have done it before the ifrst time they did it thhey all aggreed we will figure it out its alright and at the point they would of starved they didnt hell ya they just knew and everry thing was alright the second time ezijkal came to prophet they split it into a group of 9 for 9 lives and one group stayed and the 8 others left by all mmean we are going to rain on your parade befor they left whoever figured yep went and exsiled them selves and when they got back yep by then they all thoug ht it was an exctatic idea so heavenly rightious till they started discussing it and Victorious said wait hold up you all meant when it rains you will remeber us and come out of hiding and not care if we had died or not die? becazuse I swear I and the rest of these ***** sensed you saing we will ****** you gifted ***** if you dont get up and plow and we all laughed cause it was so funny that you would even say som and on the thing one guy said by all means and was eziakela again he got but ****** excited after he just hookked up that dream of the sea thing again and when he quited down **** no he couldnt it woulnt of mattered if he was at teen challenge at church when one of those mother ******* got down on the floor and prayed to god for and instanence eziakel ya he left outside and laughred so loud for so long the whole hour went by and he just calmed down about 3 minutes probley two before they all came aout and said nothing to him ya bit  in my fable that was the point of ezical to follow in the foot steps of the other prphets even when he ****** everythong up cause he was the only only one left by the time he was done telling them about he sea creature as yep he was not contagiously laughing his *** off but with viwers after an hour ya i can picture everyone fucly in the air with there heads listening and when he stated to talk about the sea thing he looked out in the distance and he swore it was behind him though becuse he had never spoken to an audence before and and ya when you speak to an audence and there terrified and keep wanting to look back at what you fist peered over there heads to see but you did not quite ever peer the same again for yep about an hour yep ezikial kept looking behind him to the point where he made that mother sea thang remebered and said o ya it was when I was standing sidways I always looked to my left but one person in the group yep only the the I d the baby zelda alwasy when standing sidways looked to the right and yep large yep overlooked why did she look to the right because yep the mirrors were to the left and the door that she was smokeing crack behind was to the right the window was always behind her and the pictures were alwasys in front of her before she she went to leave to her MARKIES house she would picture herself there and then pick up the mess of clean clothes yep over and over again and throw them not in but behind the hamper so she could hang them when she got home so she could hit her crack pipe on the florr befor she took off down the stairs to the front door and saw the wood yep I was hitting the crack pipe and not positive so i will dismiss which way my head was swaying when I thought back to just poping anut with my ***** as i turned from the hamper towads **** I finished that hit and would take anothe an 1 more for the mere  realitty that i could not figure for positive sure why i would alwasy come to i had it boxed up back then like you guys and i do now.

once upon a time,
a doctor told her that her heart was broken.
a war drum with a worn-out head,
just waiting to bust.
now her nightmares of heart-attacks haunt her at all hours;
she hates knowing that she's destined to beat herself to death.
she's never felt this worthless.
lately,
she's been wondering what drownding feels like,
she never thought it a topic to ponder,
but the water makes her feel so free.
she'd so much rather rest beneath the waves
than sit and wait for her engine to fail.
maybe she should fly more often,
tossing back tiny bottle after tiny bottle
of six dollar whiskey,
fingers crossed that they'll all fall down into the sea.
she'll sink if she tries hard enough.
a heart condition translates directly into
"incapable of loving, or ever being loved"
in her eyes,
so why ******* try.
now she burns bridges like roman candles
and shells out all her cash on any day that rent isn't due;
no point in holding on to what you can't take with you.
she stains her flesh instead.
words she only wishes you'd have whispered in her ears instead of stuffing them into envelopes,
her favorite flower,
and a hawk feather,
for whatever luck she can get.
sometimes,
during her morning cigarette,
she laces up her sneakers and bolts,
as fast as she can in any direction,
just to see if her heart can take the heat of her heavy feet skimming over the street.
the engine in her chest revs loudly,
like the car of a teenage boy.
they're all little boys-
she's a woman.
she's pretty positive that everyone cries at night-
even the dogs and the crickets and the birds.
we've all got nightmares,
hers just happen to seep out and taint the daylight.
what she needs,
is to befriend the monster under her bed.
he can feed on her inner demons and stitch up her heart with his glaring smile,
and hazle eyes.
in turn,
she'll share her bed
and now and then,
he can rest his head on her chest and translate the siren songs of her unsteady pulse.
she needs a ******* friend.
one who always cares instead of a good few who only ocasionally pretend to.
someone who's more than willing to walk a few blocks to dollar beer night,
and braid her hair for her while she yaks in the trash out back.
yeah, something like that.
it's her heart,
not yours.
or yours or yours or yours.
but her's,
and it hurts.
it races all night like nascar rednecks who pointlessly drive in circles for hours.
don't tell her how to fix it,
or not to worry,
or that everything is going to be fine.
it's not.
it's her heart,
and it hurts.

Even though I'm hopeless
I try to keep on
But then everywhere I look
Tragedy strikes
Kills me a little more
I'm fighting not to cry
I'm fighting to look strong
But truth is I've died
I'm numb
Cold
Struggle to breath
I just need to cry
I need to let out this knocking pain
It's like an ocean
Drownding me
In my sorrows
Im alone with my misery
Take my hand
Bring me to the afterlife
It might be nice
I can breath in fresh air
Without their cryptic stare
I will be at rest
At peace

Missing
You
Comes
In
Waves
And
Today
I'm
Drownding.

Insomnia stole my dreams from me
and dropped them in a hole,
dug into my phsychy
deep within my soul.

My mind unmoored left drifting
in a sea of restless nights,
drownding in the darkness
of a world devoid of lights.

Prophet  Ezekiel I finally brought about his company he was the prophet who want to see a sea creature for a long time had been walking back int osee looking sideways at a ******* like me and knowing I noticed that he was not looking back at me because my *** is all eyes on the ocean I just came out of saw it shot down and saw it die in vein I was drownding and had not one person to tell by all mean I was on land as eziakal was in his dream to God Ahh Ezikal was prizedforward what every prophet is a bag of seed an instance when the drop there dream of there furry cat and and have to organize the people to get up off there ***** and plow the land so excited all the people they even invited the people who got exciled for the dream of the sea said it all because how the **** could you explain one group participating in the the bitter riverly as confusion and chaos to get over there because have would eat and half would not because they knew they all knew yes they were in for a time of thinking and who was going to take the first shift they were pros they have done it before the ifrst time they did it thhey all aggreed we will figure it out its alright and at the point they would of starved they didnt hell ya they just knew and everry thing was alright the second time ezijkal came to prophet they split it into a group of 9 for 9 lives and one group stayed and the 8 others left by all mmean we are going to rain on your parade befor they left whoever figured yep went and exsiled them selves and when they got back yep by then they all thoug ht it was an exctatic idea so heavenly rightious till they started discussing it and Victorious said wait hold up you all meant when it rains you will remeber us and come out of hiding and not care if we had died or not die? becazuse I swear I and the rest of these ***** sensed you saing we will ****** you gifted ***** if you dont get up and plow and we all laughed cause it was so funny that you would even say som and on the thing one guy said by all means and was eziakela again he got but ****** excited after he just hookked up that dream of the sea thing again and when he quited down **** no he couldnt it woulnt of mattered if he was at teen challenge at church when one of those mother ******* got down on the floor and prayed to god for and instanence eziakel ya he left outside and laughred so loud for so long the whole hour went by and he just calmed down about 3 minutes probley two before they all came aout and said nothing to him ya bit  in my fable that was the point of ezical to follow in the foot steps of the other prphets even when he ****** everythong up cause he was the only only one left by the time he was done telling them about he sea creature as yep he was not contagiously laughing his *** off but with viwers after an hour ya i can picture everyone fucly in the air with there heads listening and when he stated to talk about the sea thing he looked out in the distance and he swore it was behind him though becuse he had never spoken to an audence before and and ya when you speak to an audence and there terrified and keep wanting to look back at what you fist peered over there heads to see but you did not quite ever peer the same again for yep about an hour yep ezikial kept looking behind him to the point where he made that mother sea thang remebered and said o ya it was when I was standing sidways I always looked to my left but one person in the group yep only the the I d the baby zelda alwasy when standing sidways looked to the right and yep large yep overlooked why did she look to the right because yep the mirrors were to the left and the door that she was smokeing crack behind was to the right the window was always behind her and the pictures were alwasys in front of her before she she went to leave to her MARKIES house she would picture herself there and then pick up the mess of clean clothes yep over and over again and throw them not in but behind the hamper so she could hang them when she got home so she could hit her crack pipe on the florr befor she took off down the stairs to the front door and saw the wood yep I was hitting the crack pipe and not positive so i will dismiss which way my head was swaying when I thought back to just poping anut with my ***** as i turned from the hamper towads **** I finished that hit and would take anothe an 1 more for the mere  realitty that i could not figure for positive sure why i would alwasy come to i had it boxed up back then like you guys and i do now.

Prophet  Ezekiel I finally brought about his company he was the prophet who want to see a sea creature for a long time had been walking back int osee looking sideways at a ******* like me and knowing I noticed that he was not looking back at me because my *** is all eyes on the ocean I just came out of saw it shot down and saw it die in vein I was drownding and had not one person to tell by all mean I was on land as eziakal was in his dream to God Ahh Ezikal was prizedforward what every prophet is a bag of seed an instance when the drop there dream of there furry cat and and have to organize the people to get up off there ***** and plow the land so excited all the people they even invited the people who got exciled for the dream of the sea said it all because how the **** could you explain one group participating in the the bitter riverly as confusion and chaos to get over there because have would eat and half would not because they knew they all knew yes they were in for a time of thinking and who was going to take the first shift they were pros they have done it before the ifrst time they did it thhey all aggreed we will figure it out its alright and at the point they would of starved they didnt hell ya they just knew and everry thing was alright the second time ezijkal came to prophet they split it into a group of 9 for 9 lives and one group stayed and the 8 others left by all mmean we are going to rain on your parade befor they left whoever figured yep went and exsiled them selves and when they got back yep by then they all thoug ht it was an exctatic idea so heavenly rightious till they started discussing it and Victorious said wait hold up you all meant when it rains you will remeber us and come out of hiding and not care if we had died or not die? becazuse I swear I and the rest of these ***** sensed you saing we will ****** you gifted ***** if you dont get up and plow and we all laughed cause it was so funny that you would even say som and on the thing one guy said by all means and was eziakela again he got but ****** excited after he just hookked up that dream of the sea thing again and when he quited down **** no he couldnt it woulnt of mattered if he was at teen challenge at church when one of those mother ******* got down on the floor and prayed to god for and instanence eziakel ya he left outside and laughred so loud for so long the whole hour went by and he just calmed down about 3 minutes probley two before they all came aout and said nothing to him ya bit  in my fable that was the point of ezical to follow in the foot steps of the other prphets even when he ****** everythong up cause he was the only only one left by the time he was done telling them about he sea creature as yep he was not contagiously laughing his *** off but with viwers after an hour ya i can picture everyone fucly in the air with there heads listening and when he stated to talk about the sea thing he looked out in the distance and he swore it was behind him though becuse he had never spoken to an audence before and and ya when you speak to an audence and there terrified and keep wanting to look back at what you fist peered over there heads to see but you did not quite ever peer the same again for yep about an hour yep ezikial kept looking behind him to the point where he made that mother sea thang remebered and said o ya it was when I was standing sidways I always looked to my left but one person in the group yep only the the I d the baby zelda alwasy when standing sidways looked to the right and yep large yep overlooked why did she look to the right because yep the mirrors were to the left and the door that she was smokeing crack behind was to the right the window was always behind her and the pictures were alwasys in front of her before she she went to leave to her MARKIES house she would picture herself there and then pick up the mess of clean clothes yep over and over again and throw them not in but behind the hamper so she could hang them when she got home so she could hit her crack pipe on the florr befor she took off down the stairs to the front door and saw the wood yep I was hitting the crack pipe and not positive so i will dismiss which way my head was swaying when I thought back to just poping anut with my ***** as i turned from the hamper towads **** I finished that hit and would take anothe an 1 more for the mere  realitty that i could not figure for positive sure why i would alwasy come to i had it boxed up back then like you guys and i do now.

No food
No sleep
Not even a drink
No one beside me
A broken heart
Scares appearing down my arms

No fun
No future
Not an ounce of your love
No smile

All good now gone
Now I no longer see you
Because of this picture we've drawn
Drownding us in sorrow

Here it comes
Slowly but fully
Trying to take the pain away
Its just not working
It's only a goodbye
But if its true
I will finally die
Before I even get one more chance
To kiss you one last time.....

My Heart Bleeds,
My Soul Sings,
Ya Know Wings,
I Got Theese,
Evil It Creeps,
With The Blade & Help Me By The Creek,
What Ever It Is I'm In ,
I'm In It To Deep,
**** Man I Can't Breathe,
Drownding All Alone ,
Such A Sad Soul,
Continuing To Sink,
This Is How I Feel,
It's Real, It's All I Think,
I Wish I Could Wish It All Away,
I Wish She, The One I Crave , Need Was Just 1 Call Away,
For Me Things Will Never Be Easy,
Tourette's Cursed My Neck, Twitchin Uneasy,
So Much Deep Hurt I Can Continue To Vent,
I'm A Fallen Angel That Was 1 Heaven Sent,
**** Where Has Heaven Been,
I'm Lonely These ******* Psychedelics Are My Hopeless Medicine,

KATO

(Immortal Expressions)

Your ukulele,& me
Bestest of friends,
Years full of summers,
Months full of just us,
It lasted too long,
It got too serious,
We found intimacy,
In more than the sheets,
Of music between us,
The beach wasn't spent swimming in the ocean,
But drownding,
In our syrupy essence,
We got into s fight,
Over man ******,
You lost,
I left,
The tears stains,
Your true color bleed,
A bridge between us,
I get simple nods,
A cute compliment here and there,
I miss you,
I miss you,
I miss you,
I'm sorry about your bestfriend and me,
We went a little too far,

Sometimes I miss my family so much, the weekend brunches, the shopping the laughing the fighting. When is missing too much? And when do we choose what's right for us? How do we know where we are or what we are doing is right? Sometimes I wonder if would be easier back home but I enjoy challenges, but maybe I'm starting to recognize that I have family. Some who have passed and I know what life is worth. The beauty of someone you love living is so precious and I believe should be cherished. But to what degree? If we all stayed near our family would we be consumed by comfort? Is that a bad thing? Or Oder all left the nests. Would that be selfish? Would then be the regret we hoped to not have in life when we choose to leave in hopes to never regret not leaving. What's right? We will never know. 4 years of a precious souled nephew I have has passed in his 6 years of age. And the niece well she's two. Sometimes I'm the one who feels like I'm missing out. On life. As it unfolds and grows. And for what? I am lucky. I am grateful. I have a serious need to search and find happiness. My sister once told me places don't make you happy whose around you does. Guaranteed she and I don't make each other happy all the time and thinking of going back to be able to hold her each day makes that thought worth all the loss and gain. I love them. That feeling is real and true. Something I have taken for granted. But could I live? In a small town once again? I could for the love of my family. But I fear my boredom. Because being around ppl gives me an undrugged high. Something that I crave. I crave the ppl who don't know me, the ppl who shouldn't matter but for some strange reason I have a strong comfort in that. My family, they know everything. They can see right through me. And yes they call it out; as they should. Going back home can be exhaustingly draining, but I appreciate the reality check, and I appreciate the love they give without hugs, I know it's there, because they know the real me. The real me who has such troubles no one could ever see. The real me no one in this world would wish to be. Drownding in an ocean. Floating on a wave. That's the peace I feel in the small towns. With slowly driving by faces pass I might know from the tiny tiny town, a daze I have from the years I spent drained and weak, literally unable to speak. Those memories stay when I go back. But the memories of real love, real friendship, real happiness, real music, real health, that's all there too. And so is my family. I wish they would move. I suppose I'm just not ready to leave NYC yet. Time will tell and I will remain comfortable by that thought. But the more I visit the more I miss them. Family is everything. I believe in that, and I'm thankful for the little family I have.

Lord I come to you to speak boldly about my current situation...I am conflicted and perplexed in how deeply I have broken my self into a futile infantile parasite I sadly realize I am. I am frustrated and saddened that my drug addiction keeps me at edge between that my ADHD Schizophrenia and Night Terrors I have meet my match. At the current moment facing eviction, homelessness, and pervasive persistent negative attitude I have acquired over the years of someone else always doing for me what I ought to do for my ******* self. I don't exercise much...quite a homebody/couch-potato/slob I have become. I am lazy, irresponsible, messy, poor hygiene at times I have practiced...cuss like a sailor, negligent, indifferent, stuck in a maladaptive lifestyle that as time ticks on the problems grow bigger and bigger...I use drugs to wear the mask of "Normalcy" & "Success" yet I know am lying to my **** self every time I cover up my TRUE identity hidden from the public deep within layers of a tormented and vindictive past. Contemplating onto making and forming a solid decision to go get myself some help from a rehabilitation facility but that is all too familiar and don't guarantee my success into beating my addiction and arresting my inner deep and personal struggles I wrestle with on the daily...to my Lord is The Christ,who came and was and is and will forever stand as being the identical incarnation of the father image, conduct and become nothing...being subsurvient to the fathers will becoming a man of excellency of character, inpeccable radiance, unsurpasable  holiness, being made into an anoited vessel heal the sick, show the lost a way to redeem the gift of eternal life, love us as we were desperately drownding and needing of a savior the Son Of Man, The Christ, Apointed to fulfill Scripture, Selfless, Holy, Perfect... God's Only Begotten Son the primordial Creation who all things were made for him, thru him by him. Jesus Christ the One who came to fulfill the Law be born blameless, holy and perfect. He allowed Judas Iscariot be influenced by the Devil and be blinded by alluring him with the promise of payment. In the last supper Jesus Christ mentioned to the 12 the one who dips with me this piece of bread into this morsel will be the one to betray me and turn me in to the authorities as a blasphemer. Then Judas Iscariot at that moment the Devil entered Judas in that same instant he extends his left hand and dips his bread along with Jesus. Then the 11 remaining look into Jesus and Judas...at that very moment he dismissed Judas Telling him...something along this lines...Do it and do it quickly giving permission for him to be handed to authorities... Judas left and came back with soldiers then turned to Jesus kissed him with the kiss of death on the side of his face. With that the Soldiers singled out Jesus out of the 12. Took him to be interrogated with Herodias yet he found no fault in Jesus. Next day took him to The Chief Of The Pharasies. The Magistrate spat on Jesus for saying " He was who they claiming" immediately several Pharasies including the Magistrate's tore their clothing and yelled loudly ... "Blasphemer" & The Lord remained quiet then right away after enduring being flogged, humiliated, tortured till being taken to Poncious Pilate. There my Lord sustained an extreme amount of horrifying torture. Naturally the Devil influeced the croud to pick the murderous Barrabas to be liberated and the Christ to be handed over to suffer crucifixion. In the tragic end he died hanging on that old rugged cross. Nevertheless, 3 days later was glorified, the first among the dead to be ressurrected. Tranfiguration for Christ wasn't yet complete. The prophets remained accompanying the Lord till they saw him return to heaven. May the Father,Son and Holy Ghost Reign Forevermore Amen!!!

Stop
Moving
So
Quickly.
I
Am
Drownding
In
Nothing.

I am drownding in my own head
Every grasp at air is filled with your smell
I can still taste your mouth
pouring down my throat
Compounding like rocks
Taking me deeper into my memories

Water runs over me
like your lips down my back
Coming up for air
The water has settled

until

someone
he's looks like you
I feel your hands on my thigh
Holding my body closer to your mouth
I am the only sound you hear now
You are the only one I remember
My voice howling with the night
A  symphony of melodic moans
Our bodies are in a dance
knowing each step before the next
No need for practice
The last song I will sing you
The last taste between my legs
To bad we didn't know
It could have been a grand finale.

grandpa howd you survive this long

I jest'kep breathin'evertime
I thought I was drownding but i knew

I wasn´t ¿donde?

there, joemomma, been there...

the beentheredonethat might get old, but

you know the feeling but you

new to that bit of intuition you feel

every time you think it,

physical effect of deja vu, experience

shoots straight through short term memory

to I remember the feeling realm of

once, before now, but

I do did done that very idea that just flew by.

---
cast your bait to the wind, no seagull will ever be your friend.

Wrap me in your arms,
Grace,
If His love is an ocean,
We're all drownding