Axt would I, I sed yah soyam

Signing a song played in the white noise that surrounds me

nights like these past 7043,

Who chounted en chant em, enchantemgood

So no we are at what is a befinning place.
beginning (90's too ****, U2 too Northern Euro,
Green Day, Coolio,
Noise to a message dying to be heard
welcome to another
imaginary garden in an ever expanding mind

field of unthinkable things,
back then

we have whiteout but it doesn't work here

My culture had near simultaneous eruptions of supermarkets

and Fords.

This guy, his culture had near simultaneus disruptions of progress and
interruptions of information
some os were lost in the middle synchrony
instance if I cationic plus or minus
simaltan

Oh, I get it. You, dear reader, have been
out of it.
We went public with the entire plan for public
key distribution,
through six palanced stacks of energy stores

Chakra, chi, science make ya think eh. Polarize, see

everything groovy --no
[contemprayery idle intense ify AI keep us current]

lie, good, no lie is always safe. Don't wanna stumble any souls.

I was mentioned, my being a speaker in a story, I was said
to have said something, upon a time,
on the cover of the Rolling Stone,

I witnessed a lie being told and said my ears weren't garbage cans,
like a brainwashed cult

no, **** I was a cultivated follower of a confessed
follower cultivator.

I bloom when I imagine being treated as a mushroom,
I never paid much attention,
I never felt
insane
but
I can imagine
wee whatifs crept in… aha

The Olde Deluder, Satan, Act

that, a tiny gleam, a single ATP gone ADP

but there was light. A story I lived is now being told
without me,
oy vey Jah knowaddamean.

There was a wiseman, who,
by his wis-dom saved a city, and no one knew
that same wiseman's name,

proverbs are intentional games, the rules,
hiding a thing, done by God, glory ifies him
seeking out a matter, done by a being translated king,
transmutes that seeking into honor

Honor is hard to compare to the war flavored twists,
knots and tangles where woof and warp held

long long long before war was imagined, honor was.

A medal of honor for valor, what does it mean?

Leonard Wood got one. For his part in solving
the Apache problem.
He also,

Flash I had my wires crossed, in a way, it may
enlighten.
You see, I had thought that I had read Leonard Wood,
be cause I had imagined he was in New Jersey, but that
was Lord Amherst, Jeff

He tweerted ( wrote in a letter on paper we've a fact simile):
"to try Every other method that can serve to Extirpate this Execrable Race."

From <https://www.umass.edu/legal/derrico/amherst/lord_jeff.html>

Could be the source of the whole shores of triple ease retirement lure/trap/moneymoneymoney makeit fakit

I asked once, who's to blame and whose to blame,
samesame came an answer, I sware, quick as

next, twixt being and being possible,

realize

we do change things, in time, which,

if we can agree, is limited for us,
to now, no thens behind

mere, mere, mere ifs and whens ahead

be

--so there's been music all along
life's the song

skip a decade, like skippin' a grade

grad Harvard at a prepubescent 12

If I had a Hammer time, one message

one valiant try to be will smith,

Live and Learn, old man, say the dude on the radio
in he's hammaheadphones, cain't touch

Bomb. Jesus lent me Jael's hammer,
radioman nailed it.

If I had a hammer was the prayer,

MC, he was the Godsmacked nail in the coffin

Dark inside gothish messages hurgle and gurgle
guts twisted in freak pride love hate list lust

dichotomies of choice in ever learning
good citizenship worth honor and glory

of the sort men dare to die for, facing darkness,
the NULL set ***** and ***** and *****

This ain't gravity tuggin me,
this is that monster who lives forever in top forty radio

When/then Radioman emerges, Like the Mighty Quinn from

deep beneath Gibson's darkest ever imagined ICE wall…

What's on? (ellipses, do those mean POV shift or selah?)

I forget, s still all alchemistry t'me, if allyagots ahammass,

realize, if it matters, t'me, bubble bustin' need no nail.

I gotti'd a hamma, gonna hamma in the moan

O.G., mighty man of valor, where'dyew arise from?

We, the integrated us, non autonomous, inarrogant
We were dancin' to that I'm a Loser, Baby

so why don't cha killme, knowwad i'msayin

This old man been wandern in the desert far far far
side the madding crowd
making minced
meet
broken spirit. we goin together to a re-pair place

at the center of you'n'all you know, yo bubble but

--- everlearning everclear outlawed, good lawed
--- moon shine spiritment lauded out loud
--- the world all ways works when a garden is

beyond the pale,
Irish
rye whiskey, wheat bread liqui
if I were an
old gay ninties guy drinking ***** laudnum
singin'

on the corner with the hourus girl's c

Making the Con Next Ion, watchathank,
is it The Nineties A to Z , ending wit, it’s a hard
knawks life, or

a Bohr-TED talk or
a video of Schrödinger's  
verdamte dead cat?

Or am I surrounded by so great acloud of witnesses that some times I spend

simply hummin' along, life's beat me to the ground,

which gladly,
I'm so glad, I'm glad, I'm glad which

loses its meaning if you never experienced such a fall
ending in absorption of it all.
Ginger Baker, slam that cymbal, CRASH1

Life, in every key, there's a clue. Some where,
there's a lock on a true thing we need

to, eventually, know all things.

Keywords lost givitawaygivitawaygit it back tenfo'

Black spirit-filled tongue talkin' grandpa friend of
Johnny Walker, Red not Black,

He challenged me ye see. I recall what was on TV.
Nixon sayin' he,
honest he,
anti-****** he,
bombin invadin he was Notacrook, the super hero
he imagined

Bio is building energy, all the time does is
test the effort.

Is life lived this way worth the effort?
if/then/else

Who chose, integrated me, all the masks and voices I have accepted as ideas that can have apiece of me.

BTW, kids, even if an angel of light asks you to take a little piece of my heart, don't

yer killin me and I know where the next story started,

you are lost without me, fretnot, I'm the way

I heard that, that's no claim I mist'tok as my response.

Deeper, are we absobbing any thing, deeper tincture
of time, t'me see

POV
SameYesTodayForever (SYTF) protocols have been in place, as far as we know,

since words made sense naturally, eons ago, at least.

If you want my future then forget my past
musing medium messages sayin

what the hell? A game, you sayin' life's a game?

Ja, was oder vice nicks versus universal soldier godlet

Jump when I jump, remember… don't cry

I woulda danced with wolves to have changed
one mind that followed me

beyond that point,
no return, is such a mortal POV, you see
as far as you cansee

Deep. the gem. all the meaning ever was was
in that gem.

Dare me for no reason? Is that reasonable,
ration my tears to test my mettle

I went mad in 1995, have I made that plain?
Things crumbled around me for ten years,

I was helped by hoping I knew a truth about those
manifested imaginary gems
given kings and potentates
said to possess great powers and the meaning og every mystery unknown to man

eh, say again
gems
given kings and potentates
said to possess great powers and the meaning OhGEE every mystery unknown to man

lies lies lies they all were lies lies lies lies

I told you so, and it is still sweet to say
you know

You heard it all before, greatest test story ever told.
That was no test.
this is.

Jump when I jump, remember… don't cry

Epic stories deserve more than mere words,
but, you know, click,

words are what we make things from.

Tell me your stories,
she woulda seemed to whisper, woulda drained me drownd me
in just if I'd love linked

to the money machine of your dreams

had I not rode the grey dog outa Nashville,
back in '82,

I'da missed seein' flyover country that feels like mine,
when I take this POV.

Here I am, drunk again.
So long friend.
I can't recall how many times I tried to reach you. Or how many time my student became the teacher, but I'm drunk again.
Remember all those bottles left unshared.
Got my brain in a snare.
Remember how I tried to care? But I'm drunk again.
Tip the top til it topples over, this stables staggering, are we sure it's sober?
No, no, November was waiting but we're still just debating. Am I drunk again?
Killed you with water, drownd you with tomorrow's sorrow.
But we're you listening?
This fires raging but still contained. I promised I'd stay sain, if only to show you.
If only to hold you.
If only I was sober.
If only you would stop smoking those sick clovers.
But I'm drunk again.
So long friend.

POETS ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE SEA AND THE SAND LIKE ITS ROMANTIC. THEY SAY THE TIDE KISSES THE BEACH EVERY TIME IT COMES HOME. BUT TO ME IT LOOKS A WHOLE LOT LIKE ABUSE. THE WAY THE SEA REAMS UP TO COME CRASHING DOWN ON WORTHLESS SPECS OF SAND THAT USE TO BE SHELLS AND LIVING CREATURES. NOW BATTERED TO THE POINT OF NOTHINGNESS. SO NO TO ME IT REMINDS ME OF NOTHING ROMANTIC. IT REMINDS ME OF 3AM SHAKING AWAKE COVERED IN SWEAT FROM THE NIGHTMARES OF YOU DAD. YOURE THE OCEAN AND I AM THE SAND. FOREVER LONGING TO HOLD YOUR HAND. WATCHING AS YOU LEAVE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN COMING BACK TEN TIMES ANGIER. NOT SATIFIED UNTIL I DROWND.

Being The Shortest Day


’Tis the yeares midnight, and it is the dayes,
Lucies, who scarce seaven houres herself unmaskes,
  The Sunne is spent, and now his flasks
  Send forth light squibs, no constant rayes;
    The worlds whole sap is sunke:
The generall balme th’ hydroptique earth hath drunk,
Whither, as to the beds-feet, life is shrunk,
Dead and interr’d; yet all these seem to laugh,
Compar’d with mee, who am their Epitaph.

Study me then, you who shall lovers bee
At the next world, that is, at the next Spring:
  For I am every dead thing,
  In whom love wrought new Alchimie.
    For his art did expresse
A quintessence even from nothingnesse,
From dull privations, and leane emptinesse:
He ruin’d mee, and I am re-begot
Of absence, darknesse, death—things which are not.

All others, from all things, draw all that’s good,
Life, soule, forme, spirit, whence they beeing have;
  I, by loves limbecke, am the grave
  Of all, that’s nothing.  Oft a flood
    Have wee two wept, and so
Drownd the whole world, us two; oft did we grow
To be two Chaosses, when we did show
Care to ought else; and often absences
Withdrew our soules, and made us carcasses.

But I am by her death—which word wrongs her—
Of the first nothing, the Elixer grown;
  Were I a man, that I were one,
  I needs must know; I should preferre,
    If I were any beast,
Some ends, some means; Yea plants, yea stones detest,
And love; All, all some properties invest;
If I an ordinary nothing were,
As shadow, a light, and body must be here.

But I am None; nor will my Sunne renew.
You lovers, for whose sake, the lesser Sunne
  At this time to the Goat is runne
  To fetch new lust, and give it you,
    Enjoy your summer all;
Since shee enjoyes her long nights festivall,
Let mee prepare towards her, and let mee call
This houre her Vigill, and her Eve, since this
Bothe the yeares, and the dayes deep midnight is.

She said cry me a river,
So I bled her an ocean,
I drownd all the things I loved most,
Ship wrecked my emotions,
Lost my hope at sea,
All I needed you to be was my lighthouse,
Mom,
I'm sinking,
See THIS OCEAN ISNT MY HOME ITS SOME IMAGINITIVE PLACE I GO WHEN YOUR WORDS STEAL THE AIR FROM MY LUNGS AND THE WATER THAT USE TO BE SO REFRESHING FILLS MY THROAT AND DOESNT GO DOWN ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS WETHER OR NOT YOUR FLOATING BUT MOM IVE BEEN TREADING THESE WATERS EVER SINCE 98

The ashes of love linger on my forhead
of burned up discarded thoughts
like old letters in a fire pit
incinerating to dust
and I watch the fragile remains
drift off onto the block
with hungry little hearts
picking them up
I didnt smile at the hands
who dreamed of pretty doves
I smiled at the children running a muck
Someday they'll know how I have grown
Someday they will drownd their dreams in that little wishing well
and I will apologise and tell them of Santa Claus
How beliefs can be magical
but beliefs they just are
I remember howling with that pack of dogs
but now it's just me the pack ran off
When they ask me, whats the meaning then?
I'll brush them off
like the ashes on my forhead
like the running wild dogs
The truth is it varies for everyone
You have to find it within yourself

Axt would I, I sed yah soyam

Signing a song played in the white noise that surrounds me

nights like these past 7043,

Who chounted en chant em, enchantemgood

So no we are at what is a befinning place.
beginning (90's too ****, U2 too Northern Euro,
Green Day, Coolio,
Noise to a message dying to be heard
welcome to another
imaginary garden in an ever expanding mind

field of unthinkable things,
back then

we have whiteout but it doesn't work here

My culture had near simultaneous eruptions of supermarkets

and Fords.

This guy, his culture had near simultaneus disruptions of progress and
interruptions of information
some os were lost in the middle synchrony
instance if I cationic plus or minus
simaltan

Oh, I get it. You, dear reader, have been
out of it.
We went public with the entire plan for public
key distribution,
through six palanced stacks of energy stores

Chakra, chi, science make ya think eh. Polarize, see

everything groovy --no
[contemprayery idle intense ify AI keep us current]

lie, good, no lie is always safe. Don't wanna stumble any souls.

I was mentioned, my being a speaker in a story, I was said
to have said something, upon a time,
on the cover of the Rolling Stone,

I witnessed a lie being told and said my ears weren't garbage cans,
like a brainwashed culty.

no, **** I was a cultivated follower of a confessed
follower cultivator.

I bloom when I imagine being treated as a mushroom,
I never paid much attention,
I never felt
insane
but
I can imagine
wee whatifs crept in… aha

The Olde Deluder, Satan, Act

that, a tiny gleam, a single ATP gone ADP

but there was light. A story I lived is now being told
without me,
oy vey Jah knowaddamean.

There was a wiseman, who,
by his wis-dom saved a city, and no one knew
that same wiseman's name,

proverbs are intentional games, the rules,
hiding a thing, done by God, glory ifies him
seeking out a matter, done by a being translated king,
transmutes that seeking into honor

Honor is hard to compare to the war flavored twists,
knots and tangles where woof and warp held

long long long before war was imagined, honor was.

A medal of honor for valor, what does it mean?

Leonard Wood got one. For his part in solving
the Apache problem.
He also,

Flash I had my wires crossed, in a way, it may
enlighten.
You see, I had thought that I had read Leonard Wood,
be cause I had imagined he was in New Jersey, but that
was Lord Amherst, Jeff

He tweerted ( wrote in a letter on paper we've a fact simile):
"to try Every other method that can serve to Extirpate this Execrable Race."

From <https://www.umass.edu/legal/derrico/amherst/lord_jeff.html>

Could be the source of the whole shores of triple ease retirement lure/trap/moneymoneymoney makeit fakit

I asked once, who's to blame and whose to blame,
samesame came an answer, I sware, quick as

next, twixt being and being possible,

realize

we do change things, in time, which,

if we can agree, is limited for us,
to now, no thens behind

mere, mere, mere ifs and whens ahead

be

--so there's been music all along
life's the song

skip a decade, like skippin' a grade

grad Harvard at a prepubescent 12

If I had a Hammer time, one message

one valiant try to be will smith,

Live and Learn, old man, say the dude on the radio
in he's hammaheadphones, cain't touch

Bomb. Jesus lent me Jael's hammer,
radioman nailed it.

If I had a hammer was the prayer,

MC, he was the Godsmacked nail in the coffin

Dark inside gothish messages hurgle and gurgle
guts twisted in freak pride love hate list lust

dichotomies of choice in ever learning
good citizenship worth honor and glory

of the sort men dare to die for, facing darkness,
the NULL set ***** and ***** and *****

This ain't gravity tuggin me,
this is that monster who lives forever in top forty radio

When/then Radioman emerges, Like the Mighty Quinn from

deep beneath Gibson's darkest ever imagined ICE wall…

What's on? (ellipses, do those mean POV shift or selah?)

I forget, s still all alchemistry t'me, if allyagots ahammass,

realize, if it matters, t'me, bubble bustin' need no nail.

I gotti'd a hamma, gonna hamma in the moan

O.G., mighty man of valor, where'dyew arise from?

We, the integrated us, non autonomous, inarrogant
We were dancin' to that I'm a Loser, Baby

so why don't cha killme, knowwad i'msayin

This old man been wandern in the desert far far far
side the madding crowd
making minced
meet
broken spirit. we goin together to a re-pair place

at the center of you'n'all you know, your bubble but

--- everlearning everclear outlawed, good lawed
--- moon shine spiritment lauded out loud
--- the world all ways works when a garden is

beyond the pale,
Irish
rye whiskey, wheat bread liqui
if I were an
old gay ninties guy drinking ***** laudnum
singin'

on the corner with the hourus girl's

Making the Con Next Ion, watchathank,
is it The Nineties A to Z , ending wit, it’s a hard
knawks life, or

a Bohr-TED talk or
a video of Schrödinger's  
verdamte dead cat?

Or am I surrounded by so great acloud of witnesses that some times I spend

simply hummin' along, life's beat me to the ground,

which gladly,
I'm so glad, I'm glad, I'm glad which

loses its meaning if you never experienced such a fall
ending in absorption of it all.
Ginger Baker, slam that cymbal, CRASH!

Life, in every key, there's a clue. Some where,
there's a lock on a true thing we need

to, eventually, know all things.

Keywords lost givitawaygivitawaygit it back tenfo'

Black spirit-filled tongue talkin' grandpa friend of
Johnny Walker, Red not Black,

He challenged me ye see. I recall what was on TV.
Nixon sayin' he,
honest he,
anti-****** he,
bombin' invadin; he, was Notacrook, the super hero
he imagined

Bio is building energy, all the time does is
test the effort.

Is life lived this way worth the effort?
if/then/else

Who chose, integrated me, all the masks and voices I have accepted as ideas that can have apiece of me.

BTW, kids, even if an angel of light asks you to take a little piece of my heart, don't

yer killin me and I know where the next story started,

you are lost without me, fretnot, I'm the way

I heard that, that's no claim I mist'tok as my response.

Deeper, are we absobbing any thing, deeper tincture
of time, t'me see

POV
SameYesTodayForever (SYTF) protocols have been in place,
as far as we know,

since words made sense naturally, eons ago, at least.

If you want my future, then forget my past
musing medium messages sayin

what the hell? A game, you sayin' life's a game?

Ja, was oder vice nicks versus universal soldier godlet

Jump when I jump, remember… don't cry

I woulda danced with wolves to have changed
one mind that followed me

beyond that point,
no return, is such a mortal POV, you see
as far as you cansee

Deep. the gem. all the meaning ever was was
in that gem.

Dare me for no reason? Is that reasonable,
ration my tears to test my mettle

I went mad in 1995, have I made that plain?
Things crumbled around me for ten years,

I was helped by hoping I knew a truth about those
manifested imaginary gems
given kings and potentates
said to possess great powers and
the meaning of every mystery unknown to man

eh, say again
gems
given kings and potentates
said to possess great powers and the meaning OhGEE
the every mystery unknown to man

lies lies lies they all were lies lies lies lies

I told you so, and it is still sweet to say
you know

You heard it all before, greatest test story ever told.
That was no test.
this is.

Jump when I jump, remember… don't cry

Epic stories deserve more than mere words,
but, you know, click,

words are what we make things from.

Tell me your stories,
she woulda seemed to whisper, woulda drained me, drownd me
in just if I'd love linked

to the money machine of your dreams

had I not rode the grey dog outa Nashville,
back in '82,

I'da missed seein' flyover country that feels like mine,
when I take this POV.

Chills Shiver The Deepest Realm Of My Spine,
I Am Darkness I Am Light,
I Can't Breathe Some Times,
Suffocate Through The Night,
I Will Be Alright,
There Are Times ,
I Hold Her Side To Side,
Romance , Candle Light,
Speaking Eye To Eye,
Deeply She Starts To Cry,
She Feels My Pain Inside,
It Rains Dear,
This Pain Hear ,
Is The Poet And The Way I Paint Tears,
In My Minds Eye And Heart,
Its Me And You,
So Close Inside Of The Same Coat,
Feeling The Same Cold,
Breeze From That Strange Road,
Squeezing This Thorn Rose,
As The Blood Crys Down My Hand,
I Feel Sad, I Think Back,
If We Were Strangers Again,
This Wouldn't Feel Bad,
Theres Beauty In The Darkness,
We All Been Broken Hearted,
I Don't Want To Sail Away Alone,
Oh My Heart Is Bleeding For You,
The Woman Of My Dreams,
I Want You Here If Im Alone In This Bed Its Hard For Me To Sleep,
In This Silence I Wheep,
Its Been A Few Weeks,
The Way I Love You And Hug Wish You Could See,
I Breathe When I Think Of You Keila,
I'm Creating A Home, Vampyre Throne,,
Ima Save Up, Ashes On These Bones,
Time Me For Me To Keep My Head Up,
In Time My Passion Will Manifest Better ,
Healing, When My Beauty Is Set Up,
I Know We Will Cross Paths,
And The Desire Will Drip Passion,
I Will Drive You Back In My Tesla, To My Loft And Mansion,
Show You The Lair Where The Piano , Violin, Tones,
Reminds You Of That Sacred Safe Home,
Inside Of The Energy You Feel In Me,
Its Makes You Want To Cry And Heal Things,
Im The Real Me,
I Know Right Now Your Numb  And You Think Im Dumb,
Deep Down You Know Im The One,
I Am Romance, You Will Always Remember When Your Sad
How We Hold Hands,
And I Look, Focus Deep In Your Eyes,
And I Listen With My Vampyre Heart,
How I Be In Your Thighs,
Id Watch You Sleep So Fragile At Night
And Giggle When You Snore And Record It,
Show You In the Morning,
Now Your Gone,
Im Bleeding Songs Cant Ignore This,
I'm Pouring Seas Of Tears On My Pillowcase,
Your Away I still Feel Your Pain,
I Know You Lie, Been With Guys,
******* To Get High,
I Still Care People Wonder Why,
I Say Cos I Live Under Life,
I Been Dead Inside,
My Head Is Tight,
I Stay Alive For Reasons I Will Hug You Again,
Cross Path With Temporary Friends,
That Come And Go,
Im Just A Ghost,
To You I  Know,
I Still Hold On To This Rope Thats Around Your Boat,
So When Your On Dope,
Or Just Sad Af And You Don't Know Where To Go,
And Drownd, You Can Grab The Rope,
Ill Keep You Afloat,
I Promised No More Notes,
Text Or Emails On My Phone,
But I Am Poetry,
Theese Are Spells And Poems,

My Mind Is Dim, Take The Second Letter Move It To The End Same With The M, Remove The N,
I M N. Reverse It Again, , NMI, New Movment Invoked,
Folks, Take Care Of Your Lives, Flair Your Prayers Let Them fly,
Prepare To Say Good Bye,
World War 3, Weather Its Us Or Blood Beneath Seas,
Floods Between Trees,
Disguise On Tv,
Speech from False Teeth,
Stains Covered In Paint,
Can’t Be Cleaned With Bleach,
Our Government Is On Some Other ****, Loving It,
Archons Govern It,
I Don’t Know Who The **** Our Brothers Is,
Or Sisters Fighting For Betterment,
Brain Washed Beast, You Will Feel Defeat,
See We Better Win,
I’m A Head Of Right And Wrong, Songs Are Imbedded Wind,
Things Will Get Better When,
Ufo Files, Spies  , And Profiles,
And Demons  Don’t Smile,
All That Green Underneath Is Grey,
Yall Cant Just **** Us And Bash Us In A Blood Bath Tub,
And Wash It All Way,
Time IS 3d, See Its All Just A Day,
Yall People Separate,
Power Play For Pay,
It’s Not Okay,
Reactions For Your Actions, Are Just A Casket Away,
Vatican Assassins, A Master Game,
If Yall Reading This And Still Have A Brain,
Stay Free From Influence, And Hand Em Change,
Demand A Raise,
**** A Flag,
The Land Is Grey,
Full Of Slithering Snakes , And Lizzard Legs,
Get Ready To Drownd In The Holy Ocean Of Fate,
No Escape,
For Both Sides,
A Mass ****** By Demonic Leaders ,
With Open Eyes,
Victims Or Not,
In This Melting ***,
We Both Will Die,
By Bullet Shot,
And Open SKys,
Angels Singing,
Light Beings Unite,
Holy Door Is No More Locked,
Theres A lot In Store,
The Moment Has Came Where Dark Is Destroyed

I watched as you made your bed in the sand,
Laid down to sleep,
The tidal wave of your own mothers words,
Cømîng crashing down on you...
I'd hate myself too, Id look in the mirror & cringe at what Id see. But I've become so distant from my body, I'm just a memory. My bestfriends a seahorse. Makes me feel a little bit less empty. He knows I'll have to go away soon. Or maybe close my eyes & drownd. I won't face my creator cause all she thinks is of my mistakes, of being born overweight. This solitude is confining, I'm losing it. I wish I could bury myself under a rock, dig all the hooks from under my skin. An old net from an old boat.

IM SICK AND TIRED OF THINKING OF YOU FATHER ITS 1:52 AM ON 2015 ANOTHER YEAR OF SELFHATRED AND LONGING FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL NEVER BE THERE FOR ME I HATE FATHERS DAY AND I HATE FATHERS AND I HATE PEOPLE WHO JUST LET YOU DOWN IM TIRED OF THROWING MYSELF INTO A RAGING FIRE OF MY THOUGHTS EVERYNIGHT KNOWING THAT ILL BE BURNED AND THE SCARRS THEY WONT FADE AWAY BECAUSE FATHER THESE ARE MORE THAN JUST WORDS THIS IS A PROMISE THAT THE DAY I HEAR YOURE DEAD I WONT CRY I WONT FEEL ANYTHING JUST LIKE YOU FATHER I WANT TO DROWND MYSELF IN ***** AND ALCHOL AND FORGET WHAT BREATHING IS BUT I KNOW WHAT DRINKING DOES IT MESSES WITH YOUR MIND AND YOU SLIP UP AND YOU CREATE THIS LIVING FORM OF LIFE THAT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT JUST AN ACCIDENT I DONT EVER WANT TO BE YOU BUT IF IM NOT WHO AM I...NO ONE BECAUSE WHEN GOD CREATED HUMANS AND HE GAVE THEM THIS WONDERFUL GIFT OF INTIMACY HE FORGOT THAT MEN ARE SO NUMB TO EVERYTHING THAT INTIMACY IS AS IMPORTANT AS THE BEER CAP CLATTERING TO THE FLOOR TO JOIN THE OTHERS AT YOUR FEET AND THATS WHERE YOULL FIND ME FATHER ALONG WITH THE REST YOULL NEVER KNOW YOULL NEVER KNOW

Tell All Of My Past Chicks
IMA Need My Half Back
Good For Taking Wood
Rear Seat Of The Hatch Back
Enough Of The Rehatch Can
Bagging Up Those Memories
Quickly Get Em To A Trash Can
I Want To Feel True Love
Never Fight
Never Break Stuff
Secure When Were Near
& You Have No Make Up
Late Night Take Out
& Back Rubs
Then Proceeding To A Private Meeting
In The Bath Tub
Please Breathe If I'm Too Deep
When You Back Up
***** Persian Soft
I'm Rock Hard
Hope That *** Tough
I Go Hard When I Drill
Like Some Do When They Mask Up
Romance Roses On The Matress
Magikal Lovers That Us
My Passion Is Infinite
I See Deep In Your Eyes You Want Me Inside
Ima Slide Through , When We Kicking It
Spirit Has You Feeling Like You Can't Breathe
I Can Feel The Heat From Your **** Jeans
If Im A Bout To Finish In Your Gut
Ima Man Scream Cos My Lust Monsterous
& Your Sposer Is A Band Dream
I'm ON Tour Till 3013
I Make Your Legs Shake Like Eggs Break
Youve Made The Squirt Team
Deep As I Can Be
For Five Weaks
Please Tap Out If You Need
Rap Your Arms & Legs Around Me
Ima Drownd Down Stroke That ***** To Iv

Running the fine hairs against my palms,
The cold wooden, slick wooden, handle,
Wondering which tree was this tool born from,
Vast colors on every single pallet,
A simple two syllable word,
Could not desribe their rich beauty,
My shaken hand guiding,
The straight and steady paint brush,
Lines lines lines lines,
Dark and light and dark and light,
A swirl of emotions on a piece of paper,
Heart racing,
Mind wandering,
Wanderlust,
Or just lost,
Not enough color,
Not enough shapes,
Swirls and spirals,
Like spirits in the sky,
Aluminous beauty,
Sprites dancing under mother Luna,
A shabby shacked city,
Full of sleeping children,
Or maybe star crossed lovers,
Maybe the kids from sandlot,
Cause they never really grew up,
Maybe heaven or hell,
But it's beautiful,
And I made it,
I drownd the paint brush,
Into the blackish blueish pool of water,
Swirling,
My finger tips dip into the paint,
Cold and calming,
Like a ghost of a friend,
I use to know,
Smearing the masterpiece into exiestence.

Forgiveness looks a whole lot like hell,
A closet full of books & no shelves,
I wouldn't know if I did I wouldn't tell,
Your voice makes me sick to my stomach,
You use fear as your weapon,
Your so wimpy,
You coward of a man,
Walk with Jesus upon the waters,
I'll watch you drownd,
He'll float above the waves,
You'll never reach my thoughts,
I picture you for eternity,
Building sand castles at the bottom of the sea,
Everytime you inhale,
A new death,
12 years and maybe you'll know what it's like,
Living a life,
Where breathing is like a knife,
You're no believer,
You worship your own God,
In the mirror,
You can't scare me anymore,
Next time you extend your hand to enforce a blow,
I'll respond with a gun to your head,
I'm done with your pointless games,
My mom should've never married you,
I can't wait till you're dead.

JBP Maps of Meaning, behind the morning, Audible
lifting mental me to a youth long gone. When
my own maternal granddaddy made
pancakes for me, and I listened.
He sang… usually,
"When the role is called up yonder…'' that line
only over and over, as he stirred batter,
long time ago.

My grandsons 8 and 11, inform me
they have finished the series of
Harry Potter, confessing to
using Audible for the last
two. Seven books…

something mythic lurks under knowing some
things are unknowable,
in the reality we share
beyond the palisade, over the wall,
in yonder
systems of motive and act
One based on story the other on out-action,

done deeds, set and sprung… snares and traps

engines to rule the random, change now,
to the now of the next, once the trap
trips and you,
dove
to
the bottom and drownd, as it were, if so
you did die, before, aforethought, after all
previous
dying and carrying on, past Nietzsche and Jung,
slam
bang Jesus- heroic savior is there nothing
we can imagine doing ,
to free me,
not us,
me… listen… If I listen too long, eventually,
I die, disintegrate, lose my self
composure,
my integrity with the otherwise is cut.
-- all this at speed of thought. No time passes.

Ah, pain, the
cutting deeds, do these only if
you know what is done as
the trigger looses the wedge
binding the spring,

all the apriori things in the realm of thought at

the speed of thought, live and learn,
learn and live.
Live in words longer than mortal minds imagine,
break each word down to meaning,
meaning complete knowing of all
that is

at the moment. Nothing missing, nothing broken,

next appears as now, unmasked.
Shabat shalom,
as we make it in my realm.

Life in action in the forum of story, Oh MY
Goodness, if this were not simply true,
it could be shaped into a box.
Subliminally.
We could all agree, the three of us, and place each
a gift with a good state, a meaning and affect
for good when good could be better.

Taking each gift, with no special interest in knowing,
what
if there is a state of lack,
when each thought thing is noticed
used up, taken, gone, done?

How were we to know we may destroy our selves,
the very idea of me, held by me,
dies with me,
the first time?

Then back to the kitchen in Pine Valley,
on a cool, foggy morning late in
harvest season, today or tomorrow, we finish,
just before the latter rain in 2020.

Bisquick pancakes with Skippy and Nutella,
as Gabriel, the younger of the afore mentioned two,
listens as I ask him, what makes the bad guys bad?

He gives me the ****** signal, "does not compute."
What power makes bad guys?
In Pokemon'?, he asks.
Yeah, I reply,
applying pressure on a point I know,
itch can be
set to ask for a scratch
at just the right word,
in the future…

Now, Grandpa, touches the spot.
Bad and good is in the use of the time, we think
we know
but all we know is made up of things
we think
we
know, even we, there needs be a me and a you,
and some

thing-sense between us, some thing
we are we in, within.
Aye, and something we are without,
when we be truly
evil, beyond bad, useless but to **** and steal and destroy.

Like Marshadow, says Gabe.

As an idea,
Mohammad Saif agreees, Grandpa sees.

Magic slate in hand, the Mage's fingers dance a pattern.
FTA - find the answer, what are
"The Ten Most Evil Pokémon"-- {no s, just Pokémon, eh?}
Marshadow is number one.
Marshadow dwells in the shadows
of other Pokémon
and humans - {Jungian, nicht vvahr? ;-}
Strange fruit from my 2020 vision tree of knowns

… the shadow knows… since Radio…

Marshadow dwells in the shadows
of other Pokémon
and humans
while trying to mimic
their behavior and abilities.
Not only is this creepy,
it shows that Marshadow is a sociopathic ghost
that can follow you
without ever being noticed.
As this Pokémon
improves its ability to imitate its prey,
it becomes stronger until it can overpower them.
Marshadow is based on the ancient Hawaiian night marcher,
a ghost of a fallen warrior who was killed in battle."

From <https://reelrundown.com/animation/Top-10-Most-Evil-Pokemon-till-Date>

Dare me did you, liar? Is there a story being told that disregards
my participation in the grace that granted everything
purpose in working together, for good.

For ever, after all, up to now,
has worked and works
at this moment.

Breathe, two steps, one action leads to life,
non action marks this the end.

Whew. Grandpa-mode is the highest mortal level.

I WONDER IF DRINKING COULD CURE DEPRESSION. MAYBE ERASE ALL THE MEMORIES. CAUSE WERE ALL CHEWED UP AND SPIT OUT.  SITTING IN THE TUB AT 7:30 PM CLOTHES HEAVY HANGING ONTO MY BODY CLINGING TO ME LIKE ILL DISINAGRATE I WISH ID DISINAGRATE CAUSE THIS WATER ISNT HOT ENOUGH EVEN THOUGH MY SKIN IS RED IT CAN DROWND MY BODY BUT THE WORDS FLOAT ON THE SURFACE. PULLING ME BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP. JUST LET ME SLEEP IN THIS HELLISH OASIS, OASIS I LIKE THAT WORD. SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A GIRL AND A GUY USE WHEN SPEAKING OF TRUE LOVE. I LET OUT A SOFT GIGGLE IT COMES OUT AS BUBBLES REACHING THE TOP FLEEING MY MOUTH. Hallelujah what is love hallelujah what is love hallelujah what is love?

the sound "ound"
hounds me
since it found me
it stays around me
it and its friends
are out to drownd me
i digress
back to wound
it confounds me