"downhills" poems
I climb mountains of emotion
Ride the downhills
Trying to sync
Trying to flow
With the unpredictable path of life
On my soul-cycle Of love.
Jul 4, 2022
Jul 4, 2022 at 2:04 PM UTC
With a tank full of gas and a yearning to
grab the keys and get lost for a little bit,
I left my quiet empty room.
The sun was shining and the
music pounded against the inside of my cars windows.
My mind was heavy and my heart was light.
I came to a road where you and I got out
and danced after staring at the stars;
It looks uglier during the day time.
I drove on the road where we blasted
John Mayer’s Slow Dancing In A Burning Room and
I still listen to the the lyrics and they still taste bitter
dripping in symbolism,
I wonder if you knew what you
were doing when you hit the play button.
I drove faster past the ice cream shop we
would go to everyday and everyday the lady behind
the counter thought we were a couple.
I drove by the playground where we pumped
our legs as we shouted out our life plans and
how different elementary teachers seem now.
I drove by the drive-in movie theater,
we said we would go and pile the car with pillows,
blankets and popcorn but never did.
I drove by the watering hole where
we spent the entire day there,
both of us hoping that we could have stayed
there a little bit longer.
I drove by your ex-girlfriends house,
I think I was part of your heart still on the lawn.
I drove by your mom’s work place and saw your car
and ended up crying.
I drove by the lake we went kayaking where we
imagined what we’ll be like in ten, twenty years.
I drove on a road with rolling hills,
I sped up and on the downhills my stomach matched
what my head was feeling when you were going in to kiss me.
I drove by the park where that time you
were telling me how you were leaving early for the summer.
I drove by our rival schools sports fields and
saw a man flying a kite and thought of you.
I drove by the town’s tiny airport and thought of
you and how you never liked being here down on the ground.
And just like that I hit a dead end.
May 1, 2015
May 1, 2015 at 9:31 AM UTC
There's no thrill in a roller coaster that only goes up.
A constant fear of falling is all we breed.
Why place ourselves somewhere we could get hurt?
Because we need the downhills.
Without them,
We have nothing accelerating us forwards.
Jul 14, 2014
Jul 14, 2014 at 10:59 PM UTC
When I was a kid I lived in a fairytale.
I had my parents, the king and queen of the kingdom
Who loved me unconditionally and doted on me; their baby girl
I spent my days chasing butterflies and trying to grasp on to those last remains of Summer
Before the Fall came
And oh what a mighty Fall it was
I was sixteen when my life stopped being all about fairytales and happily ever afters
And became a mixture of bitter hatred for this reality and yearning to revert back to those Summer days
But I can't, I can't reach those early afternoons playing in the sandpit of my childhood,
Or those evenings when I would run back to
a home cooked meal sitting ready for me on the dinner table.
And now as I wander ever faster towards the winter of my life, all I have is the memories.
They say you shouldn't hold on the past
But why not, when the present is burying you right where you dug the grave which you labeled the "good old days".
And the photographs on the mantelpiece come tumbling down as you begin to realize that mommy isn't perfect and daddy isn't invincible.
They're human.
And humans hurt, and they heal and they love, and they feel.
And never will there be a day when I look back and think, "hey let the past be the past"
Because now?
Now I live in endless agony, crippled by my fear of growing old; getting married, paying bills, and growing my family.
and facing the heartbreak that everyone has at least once in their lives.
If you're lucky, it's quick like the pain of a band aid tearing off your skin.
But if like me you're not, then I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the pain and the slow burning ache that will settle itself in your heart and never leave.
Because sometimes,
A person will nestle a home for themselves in your chest and they will be with you all your life.
No matter what happens, even after marriage and children and all that comes with it.
You will grow old and in your last moments on this earth, you will reminisce about that love you lost all those years ago.
Not the one who got away-
But the one who never left.
To this day,
I live as a memory box
Constantly reminded that when you grow up, life's a ***** and then you die.
But you'll always have the memories to remind you that life was not always this way.
That sometimes, it can surprise you
And make you laugh like you've never laughed and cry like you've never cried.
You'll live like the uphills are mountains
And the downhills are cliffs to drag you back down to reality.
© Elle 2016
Jun 23, 2016
Jun 23, 2016 at 7:22 PM UTC
I'm going back to school in less than two weeks. "Will I make it?" has what I've been on my mind for the past week.
I am not a female, my gender identity does not match with the word "girl", but my family sure thinks so. I want to come out to them, but I have an extreme fear of stages, and I'd have to put myself on the potium to tell them,"Hey, I'm a boy." I fear I'd have to yell, scream, and chant for them to be able to hear my message and understand what I'm saying. Even then, would they except me?
My mother told me to wean myself off of my antidepressants because of the way they affected her. I didn't feel like arguing so I did it anyway. I wish I could continue to take them but the halfs of those pills left a bitter aftertaste I wish I could forget, because that taste made me feel better. I'm away from my pocket knife and that makes me want to unzip my arms from wrist to elbow, letting my stars and comets finally be free as the voices begin to silence and the shadowy creature wave goodbye.
I tell myself my body is a universe, to seem more beautiful, to see myself in a different light. My universe is haunted by demons though. The Suns that glow inside my eyes are dying from the unwanted shadows and orbs ******* them dry of life, they're about to burst, becoming a super nova. My vision is blurry and dotted, and all I can see are solar systems falling apart, turning into different variations of Hell, they're beginning to orbit nothing but obsessions and wanting to find love in the wounded parts of myself and others.
I know some people believe that you can't love others unless you can learn to love yourself. That isn't true. I've loved, I've loved others before, I haven't been able to find the right textbook that gives me step by step instructions on how to not see myself as a complete waste of air. I wish I could love myself, it seems I can temporarily do that when I'm with someone, but when my self esteem begins to leave, I know that's when it's going to end. I'd rather be left alone than be able to predict the end of my happiness. My 11:11 wishes, my blown away lashes, my lucky pennies, leave me. The wishes came true, they did, but didn't last as long as I wanted them to. I guess I'm my own fortune teller, in some way.
So, I ask myself, "Will I make it?" Because I know things are supposed to get better, and I know these downhills will eventually level out, but if I get low enough, I'm afraid there is not coming back up.
Aug 11, 2016
Aug 11, 2016 at 11:59 PM UTC
when you're tumbling down it makes sense not to grab
the nearest person close to you
you're like sisyphus but you've let that boulder force you downhill
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 1:01 AM UTC
There are so many things I wish I could say
Wish I could describe
In a perfect way
That everyone could understand me.
And I know not everyone thinks the same
As I do, every day
It's a complicated distance that I came
To get to where I am.
I walked a many desert storms
In bare feet with the ground so hot
I could have been lost though I was reborn
From the journey of the dry.
I swam a many oceans stretched
Naked and freezing
I could have drowned but something I fetched
In the water saved my life.
I climbed a many mountains high
Without protection of stable ground
The incline uprising like my sigh
But my luck kept me from falling.
Or maybe it was God's gracious light
Watching over me
Or maybe fate just didn't want to take me that night
I'm not so sure, but I am pleased.
Cause my life has been a journey
Of uphills, downhills
Falls and climbs
But here I am today
Walking along this line--
Through life.
Feb 7, 2011
Feb 7, 2011 at 12:36 PM UTC
I ran the slopes
Ran uphills
And downhills
Ran till I came
To a stand still.
The beautiful view
reminded me of you,
Across the buildings
of the cities
were gravestones.
You would call them
zombie revival spots
where things rot
and people
wished they didn't
have reserved
parking spots.
I know the bouquets after bouquets
of flowers won't bring you back
But I don't know why I still try
I don't know why I still cry
I don't know why I still sigh.
Every time I drive to you
Or I would run to you
I can remember the things
The things that we used to do
I can remember
When I first met you
When I first hugged you
I can remember
Making you laugh at "oh poo".
I don't know why I'm still
Like the way I am,
Floating back and forth
All over memories of you.
I guess it's because
you put the skies together
We made pie together (or at least tried to)...
I don't know if you can hear it from up there
Tiff's baby boy, little guys already walking...
I keep buying you flowers,
Will you ever come back,
You've taught me to be afraid
So afraid of trusting another person
That when everything goes right
someone somehow just disappears,
and you know what...
you haven't exactly been wrong.
I tell people what they want to hear
I tell them what I know keeps them
Ok.
But I haven't heard anyone say to me
That one day I will forget you...
And I wish I could...
But I know I definitely couldn't.
I still have every email
Every text message
Every single line smiley
Every photo
Every video
Everything ...
I still open them once in a while,
I read them with tears and smiles.
Strange huh?
No matter how many flowers I leave
There won't be a morning where I wake up
And your face is looking down on mine
(like the time you broke into my house... remember? )...
I would give anything,
To see you once more.
Not in photos
Not in videos
But in front of me.
I miss you
Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 12:01 AM UTC
we run the miles like we’ve always knew
you came into my life like a fading blue
I gently put you down on a silky sea
I close your eyes and cry on my knees
where did our time go?
will we ever know?
memories of us
downhills fuss
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019 at 9:54 AM UTC