There was a fake sunflower stapled to the corner of the cabinet where you first entered; my mother had banged her head on it in her twenties, and my Babcia took the initiative to cover it up from there on. The pots, rusted, and old, and dating back forty years, collected dust atop the fridge. A creaky, old, loud fridge that smelled permanently of kielbasa and applesauce, the light flickering inside, and it stood about five feet too tall for me. Before it, sat a rug, threads pulling loose and the faded face of a Great Dane looking up at you inquisitively. I used to sit on the island, not the kind you eat breakfast at nowadays. The surface was an obstacle course of splinters and softened wood that threatened to split, and the various, torturous tools my Babcia implemented upon her doughs and meats. It smelt like cigarettes, and cider, and all-spice year round; it used to make me dizzy. With the turning of the leaves, returned the headiness of cinnamon as my Babcia boiled sticks in a *** on the corner wood-burning stove, a reminder of times past. The back door that led to the garden never hung correctly, and whined with use every time it opened, whether from the wind or one of us. Dirt, weeds, and leaves were tracked in; galoshes more of a decoration beside the door than ever used practically. I cut my finger once on the pasta maker that was ******* into the counter beside the sink; one of these industrial farmhouse sinks that never managed to **** down the bread crumbs and corn all the way. I had been playing with my cousin’s power rangers in it, much to his dismay. They never were the same after I made them go for a swim. The cookies, usually oatmeal, were kept in a cracked, porcelain rooster that sat strict and unyielding next to the window; more sunflowers there as well, this time on the curtains that were stained despite how many times they’d been washed. I was never very tall, but I was good at climbing. Even in my dresses. And with feet blackened from the garden, I would struggle onto any available surface in that kitchen, and watch as my Babcia worked, knuckles dried and cracked as her hands mercilessly kneaded dough; whether it be for breads, pies, or pretzels. She would coat the pretzel dough in cinnamon sugar and feed me tiny pieces of it, and with a sip of her hard cider to wash it down, I was spoiled rotten in that kitchen. Despite the dust, the rust, the dirt, the clutter; it was my tiny kingdom, with an overloaded dishwasher, wooden spoons that met my backside more often than I prefered, and an ever boiling kettle. I can remember the way the sun would shine through on August nights, just before dinner started at 6:30 pm, the way the evening would cast the entire room gold and green, Stevie Nick’s voice gritty and soft, and the entire house smelled of pierogies and sausage. The adults would be bustling to and fro, and I would pretend to help, when really all I was doing was stealing bits of biscuits and gravy for me and the dogs. I can remember the stillness of early morning, the wafting scent of coffee that flooded the room like steam, I can remember struggling to reach the jam, the familiar ding of the toaster, and my Grandfather’s hands, fat and calloused, pushing me up until I was settled onto the island, and the windows opened as he smoked, the blackest cup of coffee you’d ever seen in one hand, and the gray of his hair turning white in the light of the rising sun. If I closed my eyes, I am able to envision it all. Each speck of dust that danced in the air, every berry stain that became useless to try and remove due to my clumsiness, the stacks of Blues Clues applesauce that took up the bottom shelf of the fridge, and the sight of the vegetable garden just through the back door, bountiful and green and ready to harvest.

Disgusted and dazed sick flustered triggered fuss in his brain

big buzzard in range, big buzz in the range fist clutched this gun's just combusted in flames this must be a twisted **** in a rage coz girls spun whirl slupms 12 swirls on his ****

disfigured lumps legs busted hands cuffed in a cage

straight outta the gate, the gateway drug's gateway's shut for a minute

system's corrupt if I build gates I still win doughs in this *****.  

the man's trust has escaped,

but the **** runt ran flustered

spazzed stunned and submitted

"You clapped **** you had my freedom in your hands for a minute"

the man's drunk plans flunked

he's ****** up as it is

He's too stupid to hear his music career's in the toilet

your jam won't get you **** to eat if you jammed musturd in your plate.
It's the fact that all the ******* runs stoked and it hides

the alcohol's a tool kit that helps him open his eyes

***'s just how he sees the truth, the real life truth serum

I WANT TO DIE SO MUCH, TOUCH LUCK IM STILL BREATHING, WISH I WASNT!!! WAS LIKE NO SHE HADN'T, WHAT'S THE MATTER? WILL I EVER FEEL BETTER? KICK THE BUCKET WITH A LETTER NEXT TO MY BED. EYES WIDE OPEN WITH ***** WRITTEN ON MY FORE-HEAD, KNOWING I WAS BETTER OFF! TRUE STORY ABOUT A WASTED LIFE-LIVING A LIFE THAT WAS A BIG WASTE, SO MANY YEARS GONE AND PASSED, STILL FEEL STUCK IN THE PAST, CANNOT GET IT TOGETHER, WILL I EVER BE A WINNER INSTEAD OF BEING A LOSER? DEATH HAUNTS ME AND IT HURT'S SO BAD, IM GOING MADD, MY MIND IS GONE, FAR FROM HAPPY I AM SAD, SO BE GLAD, MY LIFES OVER, FORGET THE FUTURE, PRESENT AND PAST, IM IN LAST, ON BLAST, HELD IN A FULL BODY CAST, LOST SOME DEEDFUL CASH, KNOWN HOW TO MASH, BUT AM AFRAID TO GOTO MASS, I WONDER WHEN I DIE WILL I GOTO HEAVEN, OR WILL I END UP IN HELL, LINED UP WITH DEMONS I SEE THEM ALREADY AN FEEL GHOSTS, I WANT TO GO HOME, LORD TAKE ME AWAY, TIRED OF BEING ALONE, BORED AND ZONED, IVE GOTTEN ******, SILLY FACT IS I LIVE 4 DEATH, THE DAY I SEEN THAT MAN DIE IS THE DAY I SEEKED REVENGE, IN THE END, I WILL SHINE OR RIDE HIGH, MAYBE OFF MYSELF, GOD KNOWS, WANTING TO DIE, WONDERING WHY I AM ALIVE, EASY AS PIE, BLAST MY HEAD OFF, ONEDAY YOU WILL SEE ME, OH BABY I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS, MY LIFE IS RUINED, SO I ASK MYSELF WHY? WHY MUST I LIVE MY LIFE WHEN IM ALWAYS SICK AN TIRED, ALWAYS LONELY, ALONE ALL NIGHTS, ITS NOT RIGHT, LORD F MY POSITION, CAN I NOT JUST DIE, I CANT BREATHE ANOTHER BREATH WHEN MY WORDS GO UN-SPOKEN, MY HEART MIGHT EXPLODE, EXPOSED, WHEN WILL MY HURTS AN LOSSES GO, HOW MORE MANY DAYS ON MY OWN, UNTIL THEN, OUR PHONE WILL NEVER EXIST, FEELING LIKE A SIMP, WISH I FELT GROWN, LET 1 THING BE KNOWN, DEATH WILL CONSUME, ITS DEPRESSING, FULL OF WASTE, LEFT FOR DEAD IN A DITCH, THINGS FELL INTO PIECES, AFTER BEING DRAGGED CHAINED TO A TRAILOR HITCH, WELL WINCH, ILL GO FIRST, NO WORRIES IT WILL NEVER STOP HURTING, ITS THE WORST, MORE PAINFUL THEN BIRTH, I HATE THE EARTH, SO I GIVE IT ALL IM WORTH, IN THE END LOVE DOESNT WORK, SO MARK MY WORDS, HEAD TO HEELS, NO REASON EVER SENUATION KING OF AN UNDERGROUND, ITS WHERE I MAKE YOU LAY, YOUR LAST DAY, OUR LAST WORDS, FRESH FLOWERS ON YOUR GRAVE, YOU PAVED THE WAY BUT TODAY WE WILL SEE, FROM HEAVEN TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF THE UNIVERSE, THE WRONG SEASON SHADOWED IN DARKNESS SUCOMMING THE LOVE AROUND ME, SO HARD TO SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU, MY WIFE OR THE ONE WHO CARES, AKA ME AND MINE, THE LAST SECOND MAKING IT TO THE FINISH, I WANT YOU LADY HAVE MY BABY, IM GOING CRAZY, SPEECHLESS BUT READ MY LIPS, LET ME GO ON LIVING, CORPORATE ISSUES, ILL OFFER YOU, THIS KEYBOARD GIVING A CODE LIKE THESE PAST 5 GRAPHS, ILL TEACH YOU BASIC MATH, YOU CANT EVEN THINK, GIVE YOU WOMAN, GIVE YOU A WHIRL, A TWIRL, A SWIRL, ALL AROUND THE GLOBE, THE AK SMOKE HIT WITH A BANG, GONE THRU THE ROOF, ACE COOPSWOOP, THE LATEST NEWS, MY LIVE BLOG, CALL CNN A BADASS IS IN THE BUILDING, SHIPS AND SQUADRANTS, IM SO POWERFUL, COROSPONDENCE CONSULTING, TALKING BIG GUNS, WATCH THE BUSH, WORK FOR ME OR LOSE PLACEMENT, YOUR GREED IS TROUBLING YOUR MONEY SITUATION, MAKING PAPER BILLS FAKE, I AM A PATRIOT, SO ICY FREEZING THE GREAT LAKES, TAKING ON PIKES PEAK, FREE IN THE COLUMBIAN STREETS, DROP A BIZZLE, LIKE 80'S CUBA, DONT SAY MY NAME TWICE, I HAVE ALL THE SUPPLIES, I WILL ABIDE, YOU WILL ATTEST, THE BEST, SPEAKING FOR THE REST, A PUBLIC ANNOUNCMENT AND FAIR WARNING, LISTEN OR GO MISSING, AMW, BUILDING SKY-SKRAPERS, MINING FOR PRECIOUS ORE, BURIED, LISTEN WITH NO AMOUNT, IM WILLING IM GOING TO WE ARE GOING TO, IM WILLING WERE STUNTING, LETS HAVE IT, GIVE YOU THE BIDDINGS, THE FUNDAMENTALS, PIVOT, PACK AND SHIP, NATIONAL CHAMPION TURNED INTERNATIONAL AWARD WINNER, OUT IN THE VALLEY WOMEN BADDER THEN HALLEY, VOICE LIKE CAREY, BABY WHAT YOU WANT ILL MAKE YOU A TRILLIONAIRE, HOLD STOCKS RUN SHARES WHO CARES, SKIN BARE, THAT FINE BODY PREPPED HAIR WITH A FLASH OF GLAMOUR AN TOUCH OF GLARE, BODY WORKING, TWIRLING, I WANT, TAKE A SEAT, ALL ACROSS ALL THE LANDS, IF YOU UNHEALTHY I MIGHT HURL SO GIRL GO ON SOMEWHERE OTHERWISE, PEARL, DIAMOND, YOURE MY LOVE, OUR FORCE, NEED/WANNA MAN LIKE ME IN YOUR LIFE, COME OVER HERE I WILL DO YOU RIGHT, BODYING YOU TONIGHT, WORKING THAT TIGHT, POLITE, **** SIDE, SO BE MINE, I GOT THAT NINE, PROTECT THE LIME LIGHT, WANNA REAL G LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT IS, ALRIGHT? TRUST ME, MY FUTURE WIFE, HEART BEAT CONNECTED TO A HEART BEAT WHAT A NICE FEATURE, YOURE SOAKED, ALL THAT WATER PUT IT IN THE AIR, AYE MILLI THIS A BILLI, ONLY GONNA SAY IT ONCE, IM ALREADY GONE AND MIGHT BE DONE, SO POP IT, ANYONE ASKS YOURE MINE, MY DIME, HANDS TOGETHER, A 1 NIGHT STAND TRANSFORMED INTO A LIFE LONG RELATIONSHIP, WE MAKE LOVE, GOT ME BEGGING DONT GO, THIS THE G WITH THE SECRET TRADE, GOT PICTURES OF YOU HAND ME THE ROPE, BETTER BELIVE, FOUR-FOUR, WOOD WHEEL SWERVING, BIG RIMS SPINNING, PAINT GLISTENING, BASS BUMPING, RIDING *****, MY NAMES NOT OUT, MY NAMES ON TOP, REPPING THA NAWF, A DEATH NOTE TO END RAP IN ONE DAY, BIGGER RANK, HIP-HOPS DEAD, LAYING IN YOUR BED 2 SHOTS 2 THE HEAD, 6 FEET AN STILL SINKING, GOT SLAUGHTER? NO COST, COOKING WHAT YOU WONT, LIKE MY FIRST VERSE, SO MUCH WORK, GATHERING ALL THE FISH IN THE SEA, BUYING BANKS, END YA, TRILL YA, PAY YA, EVEN MAIL YA, THATS WHY I CALL YOU TRICK, BIG BUSINESS I GOT A EXOTIC MOUTH, SPEAKING THE TRUTH, WOMAN I GOT SKILLS, IF MY DOUGHS YOUR DOUGH, TALKING OFF WITH THAT DRESS, GET RID THEM HEELS, DONT BE FAKE WITH A FAKE *** NAME, NICE LIPS, MAKING ME SHOUT, NO LOSS, CATCHING YOU SLIPPING, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS, GET OUTTA MY BED, HALF IS MINE, HALF IS YOUR'S, GIVE ME MY  NATIONWIDE TOURS, WHEN I SAY GOODMORNING BABY MOMMA, GOT YOU TO STOP CRYING SO DONT WORRY, I AM SORRY, THEY DONT STOP DROPPING, BABY BABY DONT FORGET, YOURE ANGELIC, THIS LOVES WAR, YOUR LIGHT GUIDES ME THROUGH THIS DARKNESS, IM DONE APOLOGIZING, SO RISE, RISE AN SHINE BRIGHT, A WOMAN WITH YOU WILL HAVE NO DRAMA, IM SO EXCITED, I CANT THINK, I MIGHT HAVE A HEART ATTACK, JUST 1 DAY, HOW THE HELL DID YOU THINK ILL HANDLE BABY MOMMA DRAMA? I ASK THE LORD, IS IT ME OR THE OTHER BROTHERS DOWN THE STREET? ANOTHER DAY AWAY, I JUST CANT, IN A CASKET IS THE ONLY WAY, NOTHING WILL TURN MY SITUATION IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION,THIS DEMOND I SEE IS ATTACKING MY LOGIC, I LOVE YOU, MARRIAGE BABY IN A CARRIAGE THINKING ABOUT US AS ONE BURIED, NEXT TO ME THIS IS AMAZING, COULDNT BE MORE HAPPY, THE HURT IS REAL, THE DISTRESS IS A SACRIFICE ITSELF, I CANT EAT I CANT THINK, THIS LOVE IS KILLING ME, I DO BELIEVE I WILL NEVER CHEAT OR ESCAPE, OR EVEN IMAGINE THINGS GETTING WORSE, REALIZING NOW THIS A WRITTEN 24 HOUR MOVIE, LEGAL SMOKE, SCRAP UNDER THE TABLE, WISH YOU DIDNT HAVE TOO, BUT NEVER BE LIKE ME EVER, LOW-KEY VERY IMPORTANT INDIVIDUAL, CANT BE STOPPED MUST BE BAUGHT, DONT STOP, MAC PLAYA ****, BEATS ON A LIST, SO BACK-UP, WARRANTS FROM ATTITUDE, GOING TO STAY PAYED, LET THE BEAT DROP, LIKE A DON, A AMBASSADOR, A KING, OR A GOD, LETHAL ASSASIN, MAKING A KILLING, WORSE VILLIAN, MOST POWERFUL HERO, MOST DISCRIMATED LIVING, LIFE OF A TRILLIONAIRE, CANT HANDLE ME, DONT GET SHOT, I DONT CARE WHAT YOURE WORTH, YOU AINT WORTH THE ***, YOURE SO FAR BEHIND GET YOUR *** STARTED, TRY AND CATCH UP IM SO FAR AHEAD I PAVED THE WAY, NOT ONE PERSON TILL THIS VERY MINUTE CAN COMPETE, SO GET OUT OF MY PATH, GO DIG YOUR SHALLOW BURIAL SPOT, SLAVE, SOON TO BE ENCASTED IN YOURE OWN ****, SO CLEAN UP THIS ACT, EXPLAINING MY SITUATION, LET IT BE KNOWN, POSESSION IS LUCIFER, FROM CONCRETE PRINTS FATHER CALLED DON, ENDING WORLD DOUBT, I AM ALIVE, WITH THIS I NEVER DIE, SECRET SOCIETY SPEAKS FROM MY SOUL, THE FORCE OF FREIGHT TRAINS WANNA PLAY GAMES, 1 GALLON A MILE FOR WEIGHT, TOP TO BOTTOM FILLED MAKING YOU FAKE, MY PEOPLE'S LOCKED, TONS OF KEYS TO CITIES, PULL ANY CHICK, PULL ONE, PULL TWO, PULL THREE OR FOUR, NOT SCARED ONE BIT, GET IN A LICK, LIKE SLICK RICK, SLICK RICHS BROUGHT BACK ZACKS FIFTH WAR, THE REAL STARS AN STRAPS, GUN TO MY DOME, GIVE UP BEFORE YOU TRY AN THE TRIGGER FINGERS NOT MINE, I PUT ON AN SHOUT OUT I GOT BIZZLES, LONGEVITY OUTTA UPTOWN ATTRACTING ANYONE FROM ANY COUNTRY, DEAD FROM SICKNESS OR IN PAIN HELLS WITNESS, I PRAY SOME VOODOO RIGHT NOW, TO RISE THE FORESAKEN, WITH THIS HEX BRING OUT THE DEVIL.........

Hands
I love to sit and watch wrists
like stumps of trees with
knotty, rooty fingers bent
and formed from forming
a hundred-thousand bread doughs
rolling an infinity of perfect-thin
sugar cookies cut
into shapes of lambs
of bells of holly leaves
Hands
forever cupped by a lifetime
of dipping out a cup of drink
for man and creature kind
pouring herself out
through fingers long
worn smooth by Rosary beads
"Cold hands but a warm heart" - she says
holding on to mine she ask if
I am from Alaska.  "No but
on my back I'll take you there" and
a "lumpie" I am named while
her hand kneads and forms my own
like a fresh batch of dough
and I can feel her
Heart
carried in her palm