Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Yenson Oct 2018
Criminal Gang Stalking

Definition:

The crimes committed through gang stalking an individual are covertly done, hence little in evidence is left behind of the crime, and the target is left with little in the way of resources to defend him or herself.

Isolation, through disrupting socio-familial ties in an intense slander campaign, is usually achieved once the actual stalking begins.

A pervasive slandering campaign takes place, projecting the target as an unstable individual, child molester, a person with hidden dark secrets, or a person prone to psychopathic behavior.

The criminals planning a gang stalking endeavor study the target long before the stalking begins. Psychological profiling is done, and this is to assist in the overall campaign that includes intense psychological harassments and demoralizations. Tactics used go well beyond fear, demoralization and psychological harassment.

The tactics used have been the protocol in campaigns against common people implemented by the KGB in Soviet Russia, Nazis of **** Germany, and the KKK in the early to middle of last century in America.

The accumulation of all the tactics and events in this dangerously hurtful organized crime against an innocent human being can led to trauma and will emotionally bankrupt the targeted individual, and may lead to death, as suicide is often induced through the assaults. The perpetrators of gang stalking are serious criminals who do great damage, and the acts done are very serious crimes by any measure.

Gang Stalking is a highly criminal campaign, one directed at a target individual, and one that aims to destroy an innocent person’s life through covert harassments, malicious slander and carefully crafted and executed psychological assaults.

Gang Stalking deprives the targeted individual of their basic constitutional rights and destroys their freedom, setting a stage for the destruction of a person, socially, mental and physical, through a ceaseless assault that pervades all areas of a person’s life.

What drives such campaigns may be revenge for whistle blowing, or for highly critical individuals, as outspoken people have become targets. Other reasons why a person may become a target individual for stalking: ex-spouse revenge, criminal hate campaigns, politics, and racism.

Gang Stalking may be part of a larger phenomena that may have loose threads that extent into a number of differing entities, such as government, military, and large corporations, though it is certain that organized crime is one of gang’s stalking primary sources, or origins.

The goals of Gang Stalking are many. To cause the target to appear unstable mentally is one, and this is achieved through a carefully detailed assault using advanced psychological harassment techniques, and a variety of other tactics that are the usual protocol for gang stalking, such as street theater, mobbing, pervasive petty disrespecting.

Targets experience the following :

A total invasion of privacy
Pervasive and horrific slander
Isolation through alienation that is caused by the slander. 4.Destruction of, or alienation from all things that the target holds dear.
Ground Work: A discrediting campaign is initiated long before the target is actually stalked. They, the criminal perpetrators, twist and fabricate reality through such a campaign, displaying lies that paint the target as a child molester, a person with hidden dark secrets, an highly unstable individual who may be a threat to society, a *******, or a longtime drug user, etc.

The slandering or discrediting campaign sets the stage for the target to become alienated in just about every social-familial- work environment, once the actual stalking begins. This slandering campaign is instrumental in eliminating all resource and avenue of defense for the target, before the actual stalking begins.

This stage is one that sees people close to the target, family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers recruited by the perpetrator criminals, who will pose as law enforcement officials, private investigators, or a groups of concerned citizens.

The Gang Stalking is aimed at achieving one or all of the follow:

induced suicide
financial devastation
homelessness
institutionalization in psyche wards
Once actual Stalking begins: The target will endure a vast array of tactics: gas lighting, street theater, drugging, gassings, scent harassment, mobbing, subtle but frequent destruction of property, killing of pets

Psychological profiling will be done so as to initiate an intense psychological harassment assault. Staged happenings and planned or directed conversations will take place around the target in public or places of work, and serves not only to undermine the targets psychology, but also may be used to cause the target to thinking that he or she is under investigation for horrific crimes.

Stalkers will have studied the target to such a level that they know and can predict the person’s behavior. Again, often the target will think that they are being investigated for crimes that would be absurd for the target to have actually committed. Not knowing what actually is happening, the target is isolated and lives through a never ending living nightmare.

Once the target finds out that they are a target individual for gang stalking, or multi stalking, they may have some relief, but from what I have read, the stalking simply changes dimensions a bit, and continues.

Identifying the exact people who initiated gang stalking campaigns is difficult, or near impossible, and this makes it very difficult for people researching this phenomena to discover, in certainty, the roots and genealogy of the crime. Investigation of a “Gang Stalking” crime would require a great deal of resources, and intensity similar to ****** investigations.
WHAT THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW....THIS IS THE TRUTH.

Background information, please read 'Where Is Justice' by same author on this site.
This horrendous situation is happening in our Great civilised Nation,
Nicole Jun 2018
You say you love me,
Then threaten to leave me.
When does this love
Become unhealthy?

When you tell me that
After this
I can't have any more partners?
As though I had any say in yours.

When you enforce a set of boundaries
While completely disrespecting
Those I ask of you?

When you don't want to hear about it
But you do want to hear about it
And if I don't tell you about it
Then you're just as upset
As if I'd brought it up?

When you call me while I'm working
Yelling because you say I ****** up
And you want to hear me cry
Because then you'll know
That I still care about you?

When you're telling me
How in love you are with me
And how you love when we connect
While telling your other partners
That I'm really just immature
And a horrible person for
Trying to hold your hand?

What about when
You're trying to control
Your partner's and my behavior
By telling them that
They can't hang out with me
Or be my friend anymore
Since it's a choice of solidarity
And it breaks their loyalty to you?
Completely disregarding that
We are best friends too?

Or when you expect me to call into work
Because you aren't satisfied with
The way our discussion ended
And you think that you need to be
Always my main priority
Over even my financial security?

When I'm expected to be present
Whenever you want to talk about us
Or about an issue we're having
But if you don't want to talk about it
Then you'll just turn your phone off?

Or what about when
You boast about how
Open and transparent you are
Then turn around and
Expect me to know what your feeling
And how to fix it
Before we even talk?
And if I don't know
Then I guess I'm just stupid
Which only makes you more angry

And lastly,
What about when
I'm trying to talk to you about the things
That are causing me pain
But you can't even listen to me
Because you just get angry
Because of course I'm just demonizing you?
And even if my feelings are valid
So are yours
And you think I'm wrong
So nothing ever changes

When do I draw the line
And walk away from this "love"
That I honestly
Don't know if I feel anymore?
I gues today
There are sick teachers, disrespecting our youth.  When they are caught, they lie not telling us the truth.
There are sick teachers, who suppose to be teaching in our Schools.  Yet, they are behind the scene, breaking all the rules.
There are sick teachers, leaving their families behind.  They have chosen to mess around, rather than use their mind.
There are sick teachers, being put into jail.  If they plan to continue this life style, no one need to pay their bail.
By, Sandra Juanita Nailing
Mina Jan 2018
And every time you even
think of disrespecting a woman
for whatever reason
keep in mind
who gave birth to you

certainly not an arrogant disrespecting *******
Thx
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2016
one - i don't understand why saying "it's the 21st century" is somehow seen as a compensation for 20 centuries of our inhumanity, or a case of: only improvements reside in us - seems just as false to say - men can overcome angels, as stated by the first Christians... yeah, we can do miracles with technology and ultra-secular communication dynamics - discarding the existence of such beings resulted in hen parties with plastic wings and halos... what a great method to discard such being, and subsequently appropriate their features, if ever needed, but altogether unnecessary... two - that disrespecting heterosexuality aligned with the power of science has made it altogether a pointless endeavour in re-enacting the monogamous nature of swans: if we can breed the many perversions, ahem, deviations, we surely require en equal share of respect, before science undermines any deviations into an economic format of breeding pure heterosexual contingencies... three: who the hell said i was throwing anyone off a roof? i was just curious about the slack pressurising the alias big brother / grey matter dictator into teaching us language, then to later make us into a Koranic cyclops or having to sway one side, but not the other, teaching us vocabulary in school, but robbing us of a fluidity of language beyond school, in society... any rational man would say: just teach me the knuckle, the stone and the stick to express my manners... because, to be frank, i'm not into faking being civilised, just teach me to be a barbarian from the start, don't dangle the magic carrot in front of my eyes when it's a fake... teach me the barbarism you want to suppress later on in life: i'm not into being Dolly 2.3419, and an attache to a sheepdog for herding purposes to take it up the **** and shut up: because a member of Parliament did it to me aged 14; for example.

subjectivity is doubled attacked, it's not the merely rationalist
approach of an objective side of things,
i could understand tiresome efforts
Chinese politics while walking
the tourist plot on the great wall -
in a society that's seismically acknowledging
social or whatever coherence,
i find it a bit of limbo of paraphrasing
trans - or trans-physics, or the active
way to usurp metaphysics, by deviating
from thought as an activity, and more
how words are sense datum co-ordinates
that are like dictators: because it just, feels,
funny, and, offensive. ***** vocabulary,
that's what i call it... after a while you concentrate
on what ****** you off, first the educational
autocracy teaches you a vocabulary,
then come the St. Thomas' terrorists with:
you need to revise your vocabulary...
like **** that'll happen, you don't own
language, i don't own language, you're
little fascist agenda to censor such awoke
the boy that was supposed to wake Barbarossa
from his slumber with the cry: crows! crows!
a cloud of crows! funny how the eagle is a
failed emblem for empires, and the crow isn't...
mind you, the English succeeded with
an empire half-and-half: a lion and a unicorn...
i'd guess as much with a monkey and
a centaur, or at least a Cerberus - something
mythical - well, sure, the Poles are attacked
in Britain... but ever hear about the Scot
being attacked in an English village?
a Scot was attacked just the other day,
because kilts were deemed offensive...
so trans-gender is good, meta-gender is:
had a wee t'ink 'bout it...
   robots start with the pronoun use: one...
royalty start with the pronoun use: we...
                 and in between we have paranoid
they and we... and insecure you and i -
or as e. e. cummings would have it:
    *i say no world
                 can hold a you
   shall see the not
             because
  and why but
                          (who
        -
true, but as much of not is entanglement
              with knots - or ought to tries -
  to not or to knot and be -
                              Shakespeare also said:
  funny how i was born neo-liberal,
millennial tattooed - and fake-left...
   i hear the right is a tsunami of focus these days,
all the generation Z are buying into
obstructing gay-marriage, and are adamant
   on not abusing pronouns - hence the current
revival in grammar school education in England -
they don't drink, i.e.: taking psychopathic gambles,
they're prone to social-media overdoses
rather than succumbing to excess ecstasy and palpitation:
i had 190 "friends"... let's just call them vantage points...
   sheered that social media sheep: only 13 left...
but at least objectivity outright says:
       subjectivity is subhuman, science taught us
that subjectivity is the fire between two flint stones,
all in all necessary - but objectivity said:
             two flints! two flints! no fire!
what attacks subjectivity is not objectivity,
it's satire... to humanise everything: good or bad,
with a standard of humour... well... telling a sad
joke to later tell the same sad joke by satirising it...
punch in a face; because there are only so number of
things that are funny in life... the English language
doesn't seem to understand that even the odd chance
of black humour, will not lift the spirits of those,
who, quiet frankly, don't want to be humoured...
the only humour left is not to provision the public
with barbaric satire, sometimes empathy will do,
because it's emphatic humour,
   it's Godot's roundabout humour: the shared experience.
laughing for the sake of laughing is
             a cry from apathy's lost interest in
being pardonably dasein - laughing at all the truthful
autobiographic desecrate is apathy's last
chance to impress: but how foul it all sounds by then...
   the western version of buddhism suddenly feels like
  a taste of pears in november: not sour, not bitter...
just maggoty foul - yucky goo
                  of a plum-shaded rouse of the skin
tinged hue after contact with knuckle and knee.
  but they attacked a ******* Scot in an English village,
because of a kilt...
                                   he knows the strand of ganging up
in hyena numbers and then the celebratory drink
of compensating conscience - they'll sooner accept
     a trans-gender dunno'h than a hot-blooded
heap of tartan - ever ask the homosexuals what
they think of St. Thomas' gospel?
              i think: too much, too early, too innocently.
and if they tell you: speak differently!
they will, i'm ****** sure they will want to
control your grammar without any specialisation -
you'll wonder: summer in Syria?
                     because as racism goes,
they attack the difference, and the difference is only
skin deep, like they did with the Afros of Kentucky,
the Kentucky Afros will spring right back,
    because the abuse was only skin deep,
therefore their soul was enlarged, and they'll
play the blues, and the jazz, and rap, and break-dance...
but if the abuse goes to the depth of soul...
in that it's soul-deep...
                                and because it's white v. white...
it will ferment, and nothing positive will come from it...
no jazz, no blues... nothing of cultural importance...
   it will be haggled in the political market
to the point where both sides will find it utterly
unbearable: and then start to sheer their skins...
        you won't get anything from this soul-deep
attack... if the holocaust is what it felt like,
            then this is a minor post-holocaust episode,
a reminder...
                          and by god, i thank god
for the fact that the Picts are involved -
                                                            whe­re to now?
O Imperium Gladstone paraphrase?
                            it will be hard to beat the unicorn -
all empires donning the eagle duly fail -
centaur and a frog? maybe next time.
Torin Aug 2018
xspacexpotatox 1h
Racism is a lie, your people hate us naturally lol just look at the way you’re responding................ and us “black people” are supposed to be the ignorant ones.... whew
xspacexpotatox  1h
Look at the affliction and persecution. There’s a reason why your ancestors put chains around our necks. It’s because the Bible said it would happen ****
xspacexpotatox  1h
So do me a favor, go learn a bit more. I’m not even gonna laugh at your ignorance, I’ll pray for you. Have a nice one.
Torin Galleshaw  1h
oh so your jewish friend is the authority on this? what does he know about zionism? seems you got your mind made up man. good for you
xspacexpotatox  1h
I want to know why you feel so threatened lol
xspacexpotatox  1h
I won’t let the hate reach me man
Torin Galleshaw  1h
wow, racism is a lie then u stereotype all white people IMMEDIATELY after you say that. ignent? i really wanted to give you a chance bro. but you have been very abrasive this whole time, immature and incredibly offensive. i dont know where in the bible it says that. or, if as i remember when i went to ce williams middle school as a young kid in a poor part of charleston south carolina where i also learned a test can be racist because the only person that did well on it was me, the white kid. ive felt black racism towards me all my life. do you know the history of the celtic people. yeah, slaves were given food to eat, my people died in gutters in the cold because of no mc hiring practices. ever heard of britain, do you know who irelands neighbor is. have you heard of the potato famine, do you know why it happened? william wallace?
systematic opression for over 800 years.

most important part and key difference between us, besides the fact thta your better than me because you are black, but. you claim im so ignorant im not worth your time, essentially. i think your so misguided i would love to show you the actual way to god and heaven. brother, you need it.
xspacexpotatox  1h
Bro you lose don’t message me anymore
Torin Galleshaw  1h
and dont claim im acting like im threatened, first thing, you dont know me. youre acting nearly militaristic on this ****. young malcom X wanna be. im cool tho, you robably never knew someone as chill as me.
maybe we could talk without resorting to personal attacks tho. thats a good sign you are losing an argument.
xspacexpotatox  1h
What’s your point? Mines is simple. I get what I learned from college text books and the Bible, the knowledge coincides and that indicates who my people are.
Torin Galleshaw  1h
do you know of the talmud?
do you know what it is?
do you realize that it contains the only visual description for jesus?
do me a favor, before you try to come at me with some more weak **** why dont you go and see what the talmud has to say about it
thank you brother
xspacexpotatox  1h
Was the visual description a white man? If so I’m not interested
xspacexpotatox  1h
I’m a young black man that’s been taught all his life, all I know is truth.
xspacexpotatox  1h
I’m not that arrogant, I offered you edification and once I edified you rejected. lol I’m not supposed to be nice and open to you.... I know who my oppressors are.
xspacexpotatox  1h
“GOD” said “and I know the blasphemies of those that say they are Jews and are not” you’re disrespecting my ancestors
Torin Galleshaw  1h
thats the thing only a truly awoken spiritual person will ever recognize. in a past life you were a tiny asian woman bro, you were a fat white guy, you were a cat fucj it. so rn your black. soul dont got color. recognize bro. i dont wanna big boy you on this, but i can. and i will if i have to. or maybe you would either A. apologize for your offensive and rude behavior, or B. and my preferred choice we could ACTUALLY converse. you say you got proof, cite it priest boy
xspacexpotatox  1h
Bro, my ancestors were beaten, *****, hung, fed to alligators, shot in the streets, literally broken. Imagine having your family heritage stripped from you, your language and books taken from you.. You’re not hearing me out, you’re trying to prove yourself to be what I am and I can’t let you think that’s okay. I’m OG. I teach people. So far I’ve learned nothing from this conversation. I’m proud of the beatings my people took to get here, and I definitely don’t agree with the whole “you were a white or Asian person in the past life” because that makes no sense. My family is “BLACK”, besides that my moms great grandmother was mixed, and were STILL predominantly “BLACK”. I come from “BLACK” people, therefore I am a HEBREW ISRAELITE, and I know this for a FACT!
Torin Galleshaw  49m
Bro, my ancestors were beaten, *****, hung, starved for hundreds of years, shot in the streets, forced to fight in the civil war after arriving here form ireland starving, (one of the most effective brigades, you see many of the soldiers had to fight in wars against the british already)literally broken. Imagine having your family heritage stripped from you, my last name is not the last name my great great great granparents had. it was too ethnic, it was changed, your language and books taken from you. do they speak celtic in ireland?.. You’re not hearing ME out, you’re trying to prove yourself to be what I am and I can’t let you think that’s okay
xspacexpotatox  42m
Oh you guys are actually mention in the battles you fought?! **** there’s no documentation of anything “African Americans” did in the wars we helped win! Atleast you guys got decent credit
Torin Galleshaw  37m
bible told me you just have to accept his love, jesus's love, but even buddahs love, and john the baptists love, and all of gods great prophets. bible taught me that without their love i can never really love any one.
xspacexpotatox  35m
If you believe in the most high, fine with me. That’s all I have to say.
Torin Galleshaw
Torin Galleshaw  33m
yes, there is documentation of both slaves ad freed black men fighting on both sides actually, believe it or not
Torin Galleshaw  32m
https://www.archives.gov/education/lessons/blacks-civil-war

"Once let the black man get upon his person the brass letter, U.S., let him get an eagle on his button, and a musket on his shoulder and bullets in his pocket, there is no power on earth that can deny that he has earned the right to citizenship."

Frederick Douglass

xspacexpotatox  28m
I never once believed the history teachers in school, I always challenged them because I know that American History is *******. Just like whatever filth you’re trying to show me will only bore me like the teachers bored me in school. I served in the US Army. I did my time for white america and I refuse to go back lol

he blocked me not long after that, final thoughts

Matthew 6:10-14 thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, give us this day our daily bread, And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors,And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
a truly fascinating case study in hypocrisy.  when he is sending me videos of white people asking for blaack people to treat them kindly when they become enslaved.  nah.  if your gonna block me instead of being able to have an actual conversation im gonna put you on blast.

anyone who believes this is a *****

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvZSxSkTZOM&feature=youtu.be
Ryan P Kinney Dec 2015
The Phoenix
(To Love and Lose Part 2)
by Ryan Kinney

It started with a broken heart. Through the crack seeped liquid fire. It engulfed me, burning away all that I was. The flames shall purify me. Boil me down to my base components, and then rebuild me. From the ashes will rise a new entity.

Who am I?

Following my divorce I began an identity quest dubbed The Phoenix. It is my own personal trial by fire. Fire is the essence of life itself. As it destroys it also creates. I will create a new life from the remnants of my former, a persona not defined by another.

Chapter 1-The Quest

Depression and Suicide
“…my life before you was very chaotic and unstable. You were the stability I needed and the foundation on which I built my life.  I never doubted that you would always be there for me. You were my rock. Of all the people that had disappointed me you never let me down. Yet you did, You pulled the rug out from under me without warning and the foundation upon which I built my entire life crumbled…” –email correspondence to Lisa; Nov. 21, 2008

It took four months to undo ten years of my life. A debilitating depression overwhelmed me. I never saw anything in my life, but Lisa. What did I have left without her? What would I do? Darkness clouded my heart.

A rusty blade in my hand. A message in blood written on the broken mirror.
I lay in the tub, leaking crimson life. In my haze I barely make out the words.
What does my final message to the world say? I cannot remember why it hurt so much.
In a few minutes it won’t matter anymore. What the hell did I write?
I can only think of one thing that torments me enough to drive me to this darkness.
Trailing down in letters, clotting on the wall…
“I loved you.”

This revolving drama played on a loop in my mind. I was lost, a walking corpse. All I felt was cold hollowness.
“All that is left is emptiness, an empty house, an empty soul.”-journal excerpt; Oct. 6, 2008
I so badly just wanted the hurt to stop. In my tunnel vision existence I was oblivious to those whose hearts bled for mine. All my substance and passion was gone. Lisa took my heart with her and left nothing inside. Without her my existence seemed meaningless. The cloaked figure smiled, offering me the almost irresistible temptation of sweet release.
“Do I give in to the darkness? Let it consume me”-journal excerpt
Ultimately, though, there came a day when I awoke from the fog. I was living outside myself watching this unknown drone on a worthless trek. One phrase finally broke through the shell.
“What a waste!”
The Phoenix was born in that moment. The match was struck to light the way on the difficult road to recovery.
“The pieces of my soul are on the floor for everyone to trample on.”-journal excerpt; Oct. 6, 2008
I was in over my head. I needed help. A therapist helped at first, but the relationship quickly cheapened because I was essentially paying for a friendship. Antidepressants proved to work too well. I have a manic level of natural intensity. Lexapro ignited fireworks inside my brain. Both, however, gave me the nudge I needed to help myself. Eventually, I grew beyond the need for crutches. A previously unrecognized army of supporters each lent their kindling to the fires. One day at a time I battled my inner demons until I was ready to accept happiness again.
“You will be amazed on how much of the original Ryan is back. Why? Because I'm over my depression about change because something I feared more came to fruition.  I lost you.  I'm doing my best to survive from that, but my past fears now seems trivial and meaningless in comparison.”-email correspondence to Lisa; Sept. 8, 2009

Denial and Desperation
“Run, Run away Ryan. Open another book, turn on the TV, surf the Net. Delve into your fantasies and escape reality. It’s how you survived your childhood…”-journal excerpt; Oct. 2, 2008
The cracks in my facade were beginning to show. I shielded myself in delusions. I lied to myself to soften the full scope of Lisa’s betrayal. I more than lied. I was absolutely sure. I trusted her with my life. I trusted a lie. I was living a lie. I betrayed myself more than she ever did. The realizations came in shards, each piece punching holes in my heart.
I wallowed in self-pity and desolation.
I yearned so badly to feel some warmth, anybody’s warmth.

The New Girls
Upon Lisa’s departure I sought to quench my loneliness in the convenient woman around me. For a moment’s time, they took pity on me.
Rebound-I immediately sought solace in the arms of a good friend. She’s always shown me nothing but love and idolization. I was ashamed for disrespecting her and our friendship. I knew full well that our brief encounters were all that would ever be between us.
Crazy Chick-She was a brute of a woman, yet conversely, very maternal and comforting. She had a unique talent for forcefully ripping out my raw emotions, breaking through the masks. As she said, though, “I’m not Lisa.” Pathetically, that’s exactly what I wanted.
One Night Stand-ups-Several brief encounters fed my addiction for attention. Like a ****** with a needle, my appetite grew. Desperation was becoming my scarlet letter.
“…but it did seem that the thing we are most proud of and the thing we are most ashamed of are but the front and the back of the same coin. They torture and thrill all at once.”-Grotesque; Natsuo Kirino
I felt guilty and *****, yet loved for but an instant. These experiences were very cathartic. I had completely lost the ability to cry, feel pain, rage, or joy. They were the prefect drug, just so that I may feel again. Without these women to reopen the wounds, the numbness would have consumed me.
“Every angel has a little devil inside them.”-Manda; 2009
What attracted me to these women was mock chivalry. Each had their own “hard luck” story. So ingrained in me is the comic book ideal of heroism that I constantly seek to rescue the damsel in distress. Women will always be my kryptonite. However, as Crazy Chick put it, “ When is it time for you to be rescued?” The divine irony is, it was they who saved me.
It too, was not to last. A long period of isolation followed, as the women grew tired of babysitting me. Another lie to myself, a band-aid on a wound desperately needing stitches.

The Crush
Hers was the first light I allowed to pierce the darkness. She did more to heal me than any who said, “Yes.” Her secret, she said, “No.”
It has always been my curse to be eternally misunderstood and underestimated. I could see her scars bled the same as mine, although hers had begun to clot long ago. I am attracted to those who have a depth chiseled by adversity.
I identified with her. Her intelligence far exceeded my own, an Einstein in a circus. My eyes saw straight to her soul, seeing only the gorgeous woman she was on the inside. My friends would point out my eyes would sparkle whenever I spoke of her.
Yes, I loved her, but only in transition. We came from different worlds, but met as wounded soldiers on the battlefield. She was the catalyst to open my eyes. A sweet smile for my shredded soul.
“A worn beaten heart trapped in by bars.” From “Painless” by Tracy Reed
She held the key to my self-imposed imprisonment. My growing frustration with her opened the door for my transformation. For all her grace, all her amazing potential, she was wasting away in the same feeding trough as me.
“You can do better.”
Then it hit me…
“I can do better!”
I began to rebuild my empire. My never-queen rejected me…
I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

The Emotional Spectrum
“Stuck in a prison of abstract ideas and overpowering emotions.”-Zach; mypsace blog
Shock
1) ‘I don’t love you anymore.”
2) Letter…”I can’t wait until my divorce is over!”
3) Ryan-“So I guess this means we’re getting a divorce.”
Lisa-“Well, yeah. You knew that.”
4) “Ryan, they’re together, and have been.”
5) “I’m moving out.”
6) “By the State of Ohio, I hereby grant this dissolution.”-Judge; Dec. 30, 2008

Six bullets to my heart, six separate, devastating phrases that brought about Armageddon. I gave her a decade of my meager existence, nearly half my life. She threw me away like garbage, and couldn’t have been happier.

Fear
As the gun smoke drifted, I clutched my breast. I was frozen in horror that I’d lose myself along with her. Fear, you see, was the beginning of the end for our marriage.
I never dealt well with change. When we bought our house, the combat that ensued left me crippled. I ultimately built myself into a comfort zone again. “I don’t know what I want to do” was always an excuse for me. I lay stagnant and complacent with no true purpose or direction.
It was Lisa that first took action. She sought to elevate us from the ranks of lower middle class into which we were born. I fought her, determined to lay docked in the doldrums. “Leave me alone in my bubble.” I made attempts, but with each failure became depressed. She became frustrated and took matters into her own hands. It is obvious she loved me then. She worked effortlessly to give us a better life.
I was blind to the truth and in time Lisa lost sight of her motives. She plodded on, mechanically, no longer sure of why. She drove herself to extreme exhaustion, afraid, that if she stopped, for even a moment, she’d realize it was all for naught. She lost faith in our combined, bright vision.
So, she did the only thing she knew how. She ran away, straight to another as miserable as her. She kept running, further and further, taking greater risks. All just to not have to feel her own hollowness.
She left and my phobia ended there. What followed was a newfound fear. “I don’t know what I want to do” became “What the hell do I do?” I was afraid I was doomed to be alone the rest of my life.

Sadness
“Are you ok?”
“We’re worried about you.”
“How are you, Ryan?”…

“MISERABLE!”-Ryan

I always speak the truth. I’ve never felt so surrounded and alone in all my life.

Anger
“Like koi in a ***** pond, you can see your rage barely hiding below the surface.”-Erin Kompik
The most intense rage fueled The Phoenix. I lashed out at everything. Everyone was burned. I was ******* and the world would pay. The spectacle burned so bright it threatened to eradicate all that I was.
“I can feel bitterness and anger coming. I am fighting for control over the anger”-journal excerpt; Oct. 1, 2008
“The seams in my heart leak nothing, but hostility.”-journal excerpt; Oct. 6, 2008
“I’ve become a monster. I once loved someone so hard I would die for her. Now all I can feel is scorn and hate. My heart is twisted and black. I fear I will become the bitter man my father is. I hate myself for being so.”-journal excerpt; Sept. 30, 2008
Who was I so angry with? For all the hurt I felt from Lisa, I was most angry at myself. How could I let this happen? How could I have been so blind? My blood boiled as I berated myself. The loss I suffered left my heart festering with hatred, as nothing but fire and volatility overtook it.
“The red light of rage is violent action without consideration of consequence. It is uncontrollable. So I will unleash it.”-Final Crisis, Rage of the Red Lanterns
Then, the root of another anger broke through the fury.
“I know that you may not see it now, but time really will heal these wounds.”-Michelle Kinney
She was right. I had absolved myself of my original rage. I had forgiven her. I could forgive myself. I couldn’t be held responsible for another’s irresponsibility. The anger dissipated into the smoke. It left behind a few flickers, but I’ll not extinguish them yet. I still have a use for that rage.
“Do not be afraid to expose the darkness. Only by bringing it to the light can it ever truly be resolved.”-audio journal excerpt; Aug. 16, 2009

Love and Happiness
During my marriage, hers was the only love I let myself feel. Then, she took it with her when she left. I felt scorned and unwanted, a refuse of human waste.
I was wrong. I am a man that seeks love as an end all for my existence. Lisa unlocked my caged heart. Over the next decade I cultivated relationships with countless individuals. There was more love in my life than I ever realized. They were there when she wasn’t. My parents sacrificed everything to give me a life and family they never had. Lisa’s family had become my permanent family. She divorced me. I did not divorce them. All my friends gave all they could. Even my harsh enemies stepped off the battlefield, for they understood the casualties of this war. All of them, a shining sea of compassion, poured their hearts into mine. Their light overcame the darkness. When I finally crawled out of the pit, they got me to my feet.
“For them, I must continue.”-Naoko Takeuchi
I had to be strong. I owed it to them to survive. They gave me their love to fill in my missing pieces. For all I had been given, I could never give up or give in.
“I am meant for greatness. I am meant for happiness, for joy, for me.”-Zach; myspace blog

Chapter 2-Evolution

Picking up the Pieces
“I need to be out there.
Living.
Looking for my own life…
I need to open my mouth.
I need to be heard.
I need to live.
You’re gone…
I’m not.”
-Goth Girl Rising; Barry Lyga.
It was time to rebuild that which had been broken. My life was fragmented chaos. I needed an order to the chaos, or more to my tastes, organized chaos; anarchy with purpose. I learned to become a master strategist. The civil war I waged on myself demanded a general.
STEP 1-Stabalize finances.
My pact with the devil to keep my beloved home required emptying the coffers completely. How delicious the irony that I wound up working the same long weeks as Lisa.  Hard work and sacrifice were absolute necessities if I was ever to afford to live again. It was Lisa that taught me that. The only difference, I must never lose sight of why. Money is not the reason for existence. I simply needed enough to achieve my goals.
“Money is nothing.  It is an imaginary concept.  Its only value is what we put into it.  While often a necessary evil to survive, it is not important.  The only possession of true value is time.”- The Most Valuable Possession; 2009
STEP 2-Tear down the Mausoleum.
My home had become a testament to a dead marriage. Lisa’s five day moving notice threw a grenade into my living space. It was disheveled and disorganized. It was no longer Ryan and Lisa’s. I had to reclaim it as my own. Out of respect for our past, I kept a few pieces of Lisa as a constant reminder. I will never forget where I’ve been.
“Your spirit helped build this place and it still flows through its walls.”-email correspondence to Lisa; Nov. 21, 2008
Physically putting my environment in order likewise put my mind into an order. As I rebuilt my home, it became the new foundation for my life. The Phoenix had a place to perch.
STEP 3-Know Happiness again.
“I seem to find that my great periods of change, evolution, and growth precede an ultimate betrayal from someone I’ve let close to my heart. Is survival mode the only way I can fuel my passion? Where do I find the love that ignites my will, yet does not drive me to complacency?”-audio journal; Aug 13, 2009
The answer, I needed to love myself again. I could not rely on someone else to complete me. I had to become independent, to be ok with being alone. I deserved to be happy, to be loved, above all, by myself.
This was going to be hard.

Breaking Codependency
Not having another physical body in the house left a void. Without another heartbeat close to mine, I stopped sleeping at night. My appetite was lost and I started shedding pounds. With my depression receding, I awoke to find I was living in a desolate wasteland. What would I do in this solitary confinement?
Utilizing survival skills my mother taught me, I used it. Ever the artist, I took the pieces and created an existence. Then I improved it, again and again. Loneliness is a disease that attacks only if you let it. I had to learn to accept myself, before I could expect anyone else to. I used the loneliness to redefine and rediscover myself. I would not rely on anyone to do for me. My honor and respect for my loved ones demanded I do for myself. The stifling quiet, the sleepless nights taught independence. The silence used to frustrate and anger me. Now, I use it for peaceful reflection and meditation. Th
Laura Duran Oct 2018
Lately I've been a little moody
I get triggered by comments made
on a video or a tweet or the supposed
leader of our nation spouting his views
on ****** assault victims....

The real victims....men and boys that
are being accused of a horrible act
Innocent yet treated like they're guilty.
Please, don't get me wrong.
Being falsely accused is terrible.
Any one guilty of it should be held liable.

But, after all of the victims, women and men alike
coming forward to tell their stories, he speaks on
behalf of the accused.....Am I stupid for being angry?
What really disappoints me are the people that get upset
when women react to such insensitive views.
They tweet or comment and I try to have conversations
with these people and end up screaming into a pillow!

I walk away wondering if it's worth my time to make
my point of view understood.  
Will I ever change any ones mind?
It's the black lives matter vs all lives matter struggles
all over again!
The argument of should players stand for the anthem!

Why don't people understand that saying black lives matter
doesn't mean ONLY black lives matter, it's a way of saying
Please remember!!!  Black lives matter TOO!  Stop the hate!!!
People of color are being discriminated against and we are tired.
So finally a man decides to protest by calmly taking  knee during the anthem aaaaannnd......here HE comes to manipulate the meaning of it all and makes it about disrespecting the flag and
our troops.  

And don't even get me started on gay rights!  To be treated like
second class citizens is ludicrous!  How fantastically absurd to
be told by your own government that you cannot marry the
person you love! And because life has to be just a little more
unfair the LGBTQ community are at high risk for ******
assault and hate crimes too!    

I realize none of this is new....I guess the Kavanaugh hearing
triggered me and I can't seem to get it off my mind.  I heard
Dr. Ford's testimony and watched as so many people, including
the man himself, come with more and more ****** excuses
and a half *** investigation and in the end he sits on the supreme court any way.  

I'll do my duty....I'll use my voice and vote, but I live in a red
state and I know it's an up hill battle.  One that may be lost.
But I've said my piece.  If you've read through it all, thank you.
If you agree with me, keep fighting. If you don't, I respect your
opinion, but I'll never understand it.
I needed to vent....I did.  I can't say I feel any better, but maybe tomorrow, I'll wake up to find a few more people have joined the fight.  Here's hoping.
Blake Sep 2018
And I'll try to delay what you make of my life
But I don't want your way,
I want mine

I’m lying, I’m so very far from fine

I don’t believe, in talking just to breathe

I’m here to give you words as tools that can destroy my heart

He thinks that faith might be dead
Nothing kills a man faster than his own head

*** nobody knows he’s alive

I want to crack the door so I can just fall out

I begin to understand why god died

And I want everyone to know that I am half a soul divided

Don’t be afraid. We’re going home.

We had to steal him from his fate so he could see another day

Am I alive and well or am I dreaming dead?

Where all your blood is washed away and all you did will be undone

We pick songs to sing remind us of things that nobody cares about and honestly we’re probably more suicidal than ever now

If we wake up every morning and decide what we believe we can take apart our very heart and the light will set us free

Please don’t be afraid of what your soul is really thinking

It’s time you pick your battle, and I promise you this is mine.

I know what you think in the morning when the sun shines on the ground

But there’s hope out the window, so that’s where we’ll go, let’s go outside and all join hands but until then you’ll never understand

Simply suggest my chest in this confused music it’s obviously best for them to turn their guns to a fist.

I’m taking over my body back in control no more shorty

I fought it a lot and it seems a lot like flesh is all I got not anymore

You should take my life, you should take my soul

You are surrounding all my surroundings

Fight it. Take the pain ignite it tie a noose around your mind loose enough to breathe fine and tie it to a tree tell it “you belong to me this ain’t a noose this is a leash and I have news for you, you must obey me”

It ain’t the speakers that bump hearts, it’s our hearts that make the beat.

I’m pleading please oh please, on my knees repeatedly asking why it’s got to be like this, is this living free?

Some see a pen I see a harpoon.

I’ll stay awake, *** the dark’s not taking prisoners tonight

I don’t hear those voices calling, I must’ve kicked them out

Why won’t you let me go? Do I threaten all your plans I’m insignificant

I’m afraid to tell you who I adore, won’t tell you who I’m singing towards

I know it’s dire my time today

Somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence

Sometimes quiet is violent
I find it hard to hide it my pride is no longer inside it’s on my sleeve my skin will scream

There’s no hiding for me I’m forced to deal with what I feel there is no distraction to mask what is real

This time there’s no sound to hide behind

I find over the course of our human existence one thing consists of consistence and it’s that we’re all battling fear oh dear I don’t know if we know why we’re here oh my too deep please stop thinking

Peace will win and fear will lose

There’s faith and there’s sleep we need to pick one please because faith is to be awake and to be awake is for us to think and for us to think is to be alive and I will try with every rhyme to come across like I am dying to let you know you need to try to think.

I don’t wanna be heard, I wanna be listened to.

I scream you scream we all scream *** we’re terrified of what’s around the corner.

My brain has given up, white flags are hoisted

The stomach in my brain throws up onto the page

I don’t understand why everything I adore takes a different form when I squint my eyes have you ever done that when you squint your eyes and your eyelashes make it look a little bit right and then when just enough light comes from just the right side and you find you’re not who you’re supposed to be?
This is not what you’re supposed to see, please, remember me I am supposed to be king of kingdom, swinging on a swing, something happened in my imagination the situations becoming dire, my treehouse is on fire, and for some reason I smell gas on my hands. This is not what I had planned.

We’ll be on fire

We have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is

We all know somebody who knows somebody who’s doing great, I know some people who know people who are flying straight, but I’ll kindly enter into rooms of depression, while ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again.

But I would rather sing a song, for the eyes to sing along

I’m holding onto what I know and what I know I must let go

Redemption’s not that far and darkness is going down.

Nobody thinks what I think, nobody dreams when they blink, think things on the brink of blasphemy I’m my own shrink think things are after me, my catastrophe.

Are you searching for purpose? Then write something and it might be worthless, paint something yeah it might be wordless pointless curses nonsense verses you’ll see purpose start to surface, no one else is dealing with your demons meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning friend.

They will play a game and say they know what you’re doing through and I tried to come up with an artistic way to say they don’t know you and neither do I

I hear a second voice behind your tongue somehow

They will not take you down they will not cast you out

Dear friends here we are again pretending to understand how you think your world is ending sendin signals and red flags in waves it’s hard to tell the difference between blood and water these days
I pray that one day you see
The only difference between life and dying
Is one is trying that’s all we’re gonna do so try to love me and I’ll try to save you

Won’t you stay alive I’ll take you on a ride, I will make you believe you are lovely

Your redemption won’t grow stale, we are now just setting sail, on the seas of what we fear, treason now is growing near to me, I’m coming clean, god hit me straight on.

I know, where you stand, silent in the trees
And that’s where I am

Why won’t you speak, where I happen to Be? Silent in the trees standing cowardly
I can feel your breath, I can feel my death.
I want to know you, I want to see, I want to say, hello

I don’t believe my ears and I’m scared of my own head.

Clearly I am dying, dearly I am writing

I’m lying cause I say I am fine

I’m so sorry but I do believe that all my bridges I have burned and I’ve earned a policy of no return

Today, day, I want to go away, way

I put my sock on my feet, just so that my soul would fall through my toes, And I walk through my door, just so I don’t fall through the floor.

So bold and fearless in the risks we take, laugh in the face of gravity as it’s laws we’d break, on trampolines so high, we reach for the sky, but I do not look up anymore and I don’t know why.

I take my face off at the door because I don’t know who they will take me for

I’m the son of all I’ve done

When we’re done we’ll all have made something new under the sun

“Where’s your home? Where are you going and why are you here?”

I will tell you what I can, but your mind will take a stand, I sing of a greater love, let me know when you’ve had enough.

When your father turns to stone will you take care of me?
I will make you queen of everything you see, I’ll put you on the map, I’ll cure you of disease.
Let’s say we up and left this town and turned our future upside down, we’ll make pretend that you and me, lived ever after happily.

Since we know that dreams are dead, and life turns plans up on their head, I will plan to be a *** so I just might become someone.

Taking my only, friend I know. He leaves a lot. His name is Hope.

I’m never what I like, I’m double sided

*** I’m twisted up, I’m twisted up, inside my mind

When the sun is climbing window sills, and the silver lining rides the hills, I will be safe, for one whole day, until the sun makes the hills it’s grave.

By the time the nights wears off, the dust is down, and shadows burn, I will rise and stand my ground, waiting for, the nights return.

I do not know why I would go in front of you na shied my soul, *** you’re the only one who knows it

I don’t know why I think I could lie, *** there’s a screen on my chest

I’m standing in front of you I’m trying to be so cool, everything together trying to be so cool.

I can’t see past my own nose I’m seeing everything in slow-mo look out below crashing down to the ground

A train from the sky locomotive my motives are insane
My flows not great okay, I conversation with people who know if I flow on a song I’ll get no radio play.
While you’re doing fine, there’s some people and I, who have a really tough time getting through this life so excuse us while we sing to the sky.

We’re broken people

I can’t take them on my own, my own, pa, I’m not the one you know, you know

Don’t wanna give you all my demons, you’ll have to watch me struggle, from several rooms away. But tonight, I need you to stay.

I am up against the wall, the wall, pa, I hear them coming down, the hall.

I want to drive away in the night, headlights call my name.
I’ll never be, be what you see inside, you say I’m not alone but I am petrified.

Is close the closest star? You just feel twice as far.

I’m so afraid, of what you have to say, cause I am quiet now, and silence gives you space

And the wrists of my mind had the bleeding lines that remind me of all the times I have committed

What kids are doing they’re killing themselves, they feel they have no control of their prisoner cells, and if you’re one of them then you’re one of me

Now the night is coming to an end

The sun will rise and we will try again

Stay alive, stay alive, for me.
You will die, but now your life is free take pride in what is sure to die.

I will fear the night again.

I hope I’m not my only friend.

There’s an infestation in my minds imagination

This not rap this is not hip hop, just another attempt to make the voices stop

This doesn’t mean I lost my dream it’s just right now I got a really crazy mind to clean.

Can you save my heavydirtysoul, for me?

If I didn’t know better I’d guess you’re all already dead

You’ve got one time to figure it out, one time to twist and one time to shout, one time to think and I say we start now

Death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit

I wish I found some better sounds no ones ever heard, I wish I had a better voice to sing some better words, I wish I found some chords in an order that is new, I wish I didn’t have to rhyme every time I sang

Now I’m insecure, and I care what people think.

Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young, how come I’m never able to identify where it’s coming from?

It would remind us of when nothing really mattered out of student loans and treehouse homes we all would take the ladder.

We used to play pretend give eachother different names

Used to dream of outer space but now they’re laughing at our face saying wake up you need to make money

I wanna stay in the sun where I find, I know it’s hard sometimes

I think about the end just way too much, but it’s fun to fantasize

I won’t fall in love with falling

I’d die for you that’s easy to say we have a list of people that we would take a bullet for them a bullet for you

Metaphorically I’m the man but literally I don’t know what I’d do, that’s harder to do even harder to say when you know it’s not true and it’s harder to write when you know that tonight there were people back home that tried talking to you

All these questions they’re for real like who would you live for who would you die for and would you ever ****?

I’ve been thinking too much, help me

I’m fairly local, ive been around, ive seen the streets you’re walking down

I’m evil to the core, what I shouldn’t do I will, they say I’m emotional, what I wanna save I’ll ****. Is that who I truly am? I truly don’t have a chance. Tomorrow I keep a beat. And repeat yesterday’s dance

I’m not evil to the core, what I shouldn’t do I will fight. I know I’m emotional, what I wanna save I will try. I know who I truly am. I truly do have a chance. Tomorrow I’ll switch the beat, to avoid yesterday’s dance

It’s the few the proud and the emotional

The world around us is burning but we’re so cold

Our minds change on what we think is good, I wasn’t raised in the hood, but I know a thing or two about pain, and darkness, if wasn’t for the music I don’t know how I would’ve fought this.

I’m in constant confrontation with what I want and what is poppin in the industry it seems to me that singles on the radio are currency my creativities only free when I’m playing shows.

Who would you live and die for on that list but the problem is there’s another list that exists and none really wants to think about this forget sanity, forget salary, forget vanity my morality, if you get in between someone I love and me, you’re gonna feel the heat of my calvary

He cranked out those dismal chords, and his four walls declared him insane.

I found my way right time wrong place

I know my souls freezing hells hot for good reason

But I’m not good with directions and I hide behind my mouth, I’m a pro at imperfections and I’m best friends with my doubt.
Now that minds out and now I hear clear and loud I’m thinking wow I probably should’ve stayed inside my house

I don’t know if this song is a surrender or a revel. I don’t know if this one is about me or the devil.

Help me out, my friends and I we got a lotta problems

Wanted to be a better brother better son wanted to be a better advisory to the evil I have done I have none to show to the one I love

Polarize is taking your disguises sepersting then splitting them up from wrong and right, is deciding when to die and deciding when to fight

I don’t know where you are, you’ll have to come and find me

We have all learned to **** our dreams

I need to know that when I fail you’ll still be here. *** if you stick around I’ll sing you pretty sounds and well make money selling your hair

I don’t care what’s in your hair I just wanna know what’s on your mind.
I used to say I wanna die before I’m old but because if you I might think twice.

What if my dream does not happen. Would I just change what I’ve told my friend. Don’t want to know who I would be. When I wake from a dreamers sleep

Scared of my own image. Scared of my own immaturity

Fear might be the death of me. Fear leads to anxiety. Don’t know what’s inside of me.

Even when I doubt you, I’m no good without you.

Temperature is dropping, I’m not sure if I can see this ever stopping. Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thought no, you ar wall that I’ve got no.

I want the markings made on my skin, to mean something to me again.

Hope you haven’t left without me, please

Who I am today is worse than other times. You don’t know what I’ve done.

Why I’m in denial that they tried the suicidal session. Please use discretion when you’re messing with the message man, these lyrics aren’t for everyone only few understand.

Hope you’re dead *** how could you sleep at a time like this

I’m the kinda guy who takes every moment he knows he confided in
Music to use for others to use it

Life is up here but you comment below And the comments below will become
Common motivation to promote
Your shows next episode
So your brain know to keep going
Even though hope
Is far from this moment but you and I know it gets better when mornin finally reads it’s head, together we’re losers remember the future remember the mornin is when night is dead.

My people singing

Be the one to take my soul and make it undone

Be the one to take me home and show me the sun

Where we’re from, there’s no sun, our hometowns in the dark
Where we’re from, we’re no one, our hometowns in the dark.

We don’t know, how to put back the power in our soul

We don’t know, where to find, what once was in our bones.

I look outside and see a whole world better off without me in it trying to transform it.

Listen I know, this ones a contradiction because of how happy it sounds. But the lyrics are so down.
It’s ok though, because it represents Wait better yet it is, who I feel I am right now.

I’m a goner, somebody catch my breath

I wanna be known, by you.

Though I’m weak, and beaten down. I’ll slip away, into this sound.
The ghost of you is close to me.
I’m inside out, you’re underneath.

I’ve got two faces, blurry’s the one I’m not

I need your help to take him out

Don’t let me be gone.

I can’t believe how much I hate.
Pressures of a new place roll my way.

Spirits in my room, friend or foe?
Felt it in my youth feel it when I’m old

I’ll be right there, but you’ll have to grab my throat and life me in the air. If you need anyone
I’ll stop my plans, but you’ll have to tie me down and then break both my hands.

You can learn to levitate with just a little help

Cowards only come through when the hours late and everyone’s asleep mind you

My heart is with you hiding but my minds not made

No we are not just graffiti on a passing train I got back what I once bought back in that slot I won’t need to replace

Sever all I thought I could depend on my weekends on the freezing ground that I’m sleeping on please keep me from please keep me down from the ledges

At least they all know all they hear comes from a place.

When everyone, you thought you know, deserts your fight, I’ll go with you
You’re facing down, a dark hall, I’ll grab my light and go with you

Surrounded and  up against a wall, I’ll shred em all. And go with you
When choices end, you must defend, I’ll grab a bat, and go with you

Stay with me, no you don’t need to run, stay with me, my blood.

They’re callin for your head and they’re callin for your name, I’ll bomb down on em I’m comin through

Just keep it outside

If you find yourself, in a lions den, I’ll jump right in, and pull my pin.

East is up, I’m fearless when I hear this on the low
Easy is up, I’m careless when I wear my rebel clothes

They will know that, Dema don’t control us

They wanna make you forget

Save your razor blades now, not yet

I’m flying from a fire, from Nico and the Niners.

What I say when I wanna be enough what a beautiful day for making a break for it, we’ll find a way to pay for it, maybe from all the money we made razor blade stores, rent a race horse, and force a sponsor, and start a concert a complete diversion, start a mob and you can be quite certain we’ll win but not everyone will get out.

Can’t stop thinking about if and when I die for now I see that if and when are trike different cries for If is purely panic and when is solemn sorrow and one invade today while the other spies tomorrow

If I keep moving they won’t know I’ll morph to someone else

I’m just a ghost

Defence mechanism mode

What are we here for if not to run straight through all our tormentors

Anybody listening?

This beat is a chemical

Lovin what I’m tasting
Venom on my tongue
Dependant at times
Poisonous vibrations

I’m running for my life

Hide you in my coat pocket

Felt I was invincible you wrapped around my head now different lives I lead my body lives on lead the last two lines may read incorrect until said

I despise you sometimes I love to hate the fight and you in much life is like sippin on straight chlorine

Grows while I decay

Can you build my house with pieces I’m just a chemical

My interior world needs to sanitize
I’ve got to step through or I’ll dissipate
I’ll record my step through for my basement tapes

Nice to my kind will be on my side

And you know you’re a terrible sight but you’ll Be just fine

Your exterior world can step off instead
It might take some friends and a warmer shirt but you don’t get thick skin without getting burnt

No I don’t know which way I’m going
But I can hear my way around

I never look for conflict for the thrill

For you I would get beat to smithereens

And my problem? We glorify those even more when they

My opinion our culture could treat a loss like it’s a win and right before we turn on them we give them the highest of praise and hang their banner from the ceiling communicating further ingravjng and earlier grace is an optional way. No.

What’s my problem don’t get it twisted it’s with the people we praise who may have assisted

I could go out with a band they would know my name they would host and post a celebration . My opinion will not be lenient

We don’t get enough love well they get a fraction they say how could he go if he’s got everything I’ll mourn for a kid but won’t cry for a king.

Neon gravestones try to call for my bones

Promise me this. If I lose to myself you won’t mourn a day and you’ll move on to someone else

But they won’t get them

Don’t get me wrong the rise in awareness is beating a stigma that no longer scares us but for sake of discussion in spirit of fairness could we give this some room for a new point of view and could it be true that some could be tempted to use this mistake as a form of aggression a form of succession a form of a weapon thinking I’ll teach them well in refusing the lesson it won’t resonate in our minds I’m not disrespecting what was left behind just pleading that it does not get glorified maybe we swap out what’s it is that we hold so high. Find your grandparents or someone of age. Pay some respects for the other that they paved to life they were dedicated now that should be celebrated.

I could take the high road but I know that I’m going low

I’m a bandito

This is the sound we make when in between two places where we used to bleed and where our blood needs to be

In city I feel my spirit is contained like neon inside the glass they form my brain but I recently discovered it’s a heartless fire like nicknames they give themselves to uninspire begin with bullet now add fire to the proof but I’m still not sure if fears a rival or close relative to truth either way it helps to hear these words bounce off of you the softest school could be enough for me to make it through

I created this world to feel some control destroy it if I want so I sing Sahlo Folina

I can feel pressure start to posses my mind so I’ll take this beat I should delete to exercise

No I move slow I wanna stop time I’ll sit here til I find the problem

This clique means so much to this dude it could make him afraid of his music and be scared to death he could lose it

You were one of those classic ones
Traveling around this sun

I wish she knew you

You were here when I write this but the masters and mixes will take to long to finish to show you I’m sorry I did not visit did not know how to take it when your eyes did not know me like I know you

Then the day that it happened I recorded this last bit I look forward to having a lunch with you again

I’m tired of tending to this fire

Embers barely showing proof of life in the shadows dancing on my plans

They know that it’s  almost over

The burning is so low it’s concerning *** they know that when it goes out it’s a glorious gone
It’s only time before they show me why no one ever comes back with details from beyond

In time I will leave the city for now I will stay alive

Last year I needed change of pace
Couldn’t take the pace of change
Moving hastily
But this year
Though I’m far from home
In trench inches not alone
These faces facing me
They know what I mean.
I made this more for me than anyone else. It’s a really fricken long piece. They saved me tho so I do not care. K bye.
Griffin Schapp Aug 2014
Preacher gone wrong

A christian boy

the young age of sixteen

finds his destiny

he loves boys

now he see’s

goes to his mom

a joy full look on his face

thinking

Wow I finally found my place

he says

hey mom I’m gay

the awful woman

slaps his face tears runnin down her face

come on boy get in the car

she takes him to the preacher

for a treatment in religion

preacher says

boy start runnin straight get your head out of the clouds

tells him that he’s going to hell

that is an example of a preacher gone wrong

if you preach hate at the service

if you can’t accept someone

because they can love the same gender

those holy words you have been singing are poison

your sermons are disrespecting god

we are all gods children

he loves us all

it doesn’t matter

so don’t listen to that preacher gone wrong
Janielle Mainly Jan 2015
I don't know what it's like
I'd never understand
I'm just living on a cloud
Hopping through my fantasy land,
I look down on the rest
And i don't wish you the best
I'm a two faced liar
My pants are on fire
And this is just the reality!
It's not you
The rumors about me are true.
I don't have a sense of humor
I don't play well with others
I'm a selfish unkempt snob
I'm a disrespecting law breaking,...I even make clowns sob!
You're right
It's not you..
The rumors about me are true,
Yeah sure
The rumors about me are true.
I love to find out things even I didn't know about myself xD, I'll be turning this poem into a song soon
Chuma Komani Oct 2013
Right or wrong
Short or long
Agree or disagree
When singing a song
Ape or kong
Blunt or kong
When you're high
Its like you're living a life of a person from Hong Kong

Persuasive talker
Convincing stalker
Both of these are mind players
But I'd rather choose to ignore them with a bottle of Johnny Walker
Subconscious mind
Left behind
Likw a hypnotist I'll pursue this until I find

Blame it on the left
Decision making
The oven of thoughts
Busy opinion baking
Anxiety is close
Hands are shaking
All of the mess I made
I'll be out there raking

Mostly its pressure from your peers
Flowing through your ears
Seems like you've conquered most of your fears
And then peers begin to cheer
Sensors begin to hear
That you were wrong to listen to them,dear

Its...
One thought to another
Disrespecting you mother
Ignoring your father
Cause' you'd rather...
Party till the morning
Drink while you're yawning
Get drunk until you sleep on the lawn and...

Drink and jive
Drink and drive
An accident happens
Then you're no longer alive
But you thought you'll survive
That's because death gave you a high five
jeffrey conyers Sep 2012
Some of the greatest hearts gets tore apart.
So let me advise you with all honesty and truth.
This love I'm giving you is unselfish.
And should be treated like royalty.

To disrespect it.
Means disrespecting me.

Some losers loves to apologize.
As if the pain inside will slide to the side.
So be alert.
And be warned.
This love I'm giving you is unselfish.
It only knows how to give.
So there no need for it to be catching hell.

And in truth.
No true soul wants to go there.
Maple Mathers May 2016
Marshall is the Only Thing that Mathers: Lessons of Elementary School

When I was in third grade, I found religion.

Well. Kind of.

My older sis brought a CD home one day - "The Eminem Show" - and explained how cool - how popular, rather - it made her. This was news, as the both of us personified the textbook social pariah - we were weird, or something. And kids made sure we knew it.

"Eminem?" I wondered. "Who names themselves after candy?"

Slim Shady did, apparently. Cannibalism, at its prime.

"Duh, stupid idiot! It's spelled differently!" Scoffed my sister. She loved to remind me who was boss; she had a ball making me feel even smaller than she did (I'd assume). A talent amplified by her superior intellect, which isolates her to this day. Back then she could do as she pleased, and I'd readily adapt. She was many thing, but predominantly, she was there. And I adored her for it.

She told me everyone had or knew this music. This Eminem band.

I listened till I could recite every track, verbatim. Captivated instantly.

The very next day, I came to school, ratty and grimy looking as ever (my mother hadn't taught me any different - for, I suppose, she had looked my way but saw only herself. Thus, I frequented the principal's office those days, teacher sent me from class every morning for disrespecting the environment.

Apparently, looking homeless isn't  acceptable - even if you're 9.

Anyways. At least I got to miss class.

Nobody would play with me those days. I had just one friend for all those years. They'd kick me and spit on me, lock me out in the snow, call me Spider.

Typical grade school semantics.

However, that CD was a game changer, I anticipated. Things were different. I knew about Eminem, and since my sister's peers were obsessed, mine would soon be, too. Thus, they'd finally play with me, wouldn't they?

Those were my expectations.

But. Conclusions drawn by a 9-year-old aren't exactly conclusive, it turns out. I approached a handful of children during recess. And promptly, terrified them.

Estatic, I exclaimed, "I'm going to hell! Who's coming with me?!"

I was beaming. For a couple seconds. And then Everyone ran, screaming and crying, yelling back at me with the appropriate intonations for a sewer rat.

I didn't understand why. Baffled nobody percieved my announcement as hysterical. And brilliant.

Yet, I got what I wanted, I suppose. Invisibility negated by taboos and vulnerability; I, the Satan freak, finally became interesting. Interesting enough to be picked on, and bullied.

It was an upgrade at the time.

Though, I had yet to understand why it'd occurred; the quote was hilarious to me. God meant nothing to me - "insulting" the lord, what did that even mean?

How would I know?

Alone, again, I snuck behind a tree and wrote all the lyrics I could recall - it was all okay, cause soon, I'd be home.

And home meant Eminem. Someone I could count on to be there. No matter what.

Funny how those same kids arrived at high school, and learned what a real bully can do. Bullies who never messed with me once, and never would. It's unwise to provoke a bee, you see - especially the queen of the hive. ;)

And laugh it up, but Shady is forever my religion.
Shady is My Religion.
❤️
sindy Feb 2019
Oh yes sure, but as friend then?
- Why would you say that?

- Remember talking about respect when you wanted to fight?

This is also to me the only thing that makes me angry and want to fight. As you, I have a high respect of myself and don't like to feel ignore, disrespected. It might be a big word just to explain that i don't appreciate when someone read my messages and decide not to reply.

Listen, it's not against you, i understand, you are busy, I might not be your priority. But i learn over the past year not to let anyone taking the chance to be able to hurt me. You might not be the kind of guys who like texting fine, then you should have tell me (same way as you asked me why i left and i replied).

It was really nice meeting you, i would love to see you again but not without disrespecting myself. That's a lot of feeling, but after what i saw in you, I am sure you will understand. I am free tomorrow, if you understand that we can meet. If not i want to tell you that i also feel this connexion and wish you a beautiful week.

--
Self respect is a high value i want to keep. I am mature enough and have been hurt enough not to let anyone getting this power over me.

Some people talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you, i am learning the difference and i am looking to let people in my life only with the second option.

If you are able to rise you standard to meet girls like me.
Big Virge Aug 2020
BWOY This DISRESPECT Thing’s...
..... Really Interesting..... !!!

Many CLAIM Disrespect...
Because of TRUTH Said...
That Upsets Their Heads... !?!
Well In My Experience...
These Heads Are DELIRIOUS... !!!

Cos’ Their Form of Defence...
Is Mostly PURE NONSENSE... ?!?
From Women To Men...
They Act Like Children... !?!

When They’re Taken To Task...
For Behaving Like An ***...
Whose Not Had Some Grass... !!!

Standing On Grounds...
Where Their Morals AREN'T Sound... !!!

QUICK To Run Their Mouths...
Like... Lipsticked Clowns...
Cos' Their Disrespect Circus...
Really Has NO PURPOSE... !?!?!?!

Cos Their Acts Are WORTHLESS...
Like A... BURNED Epidermis... !!!!

Cos' Their Skins Are TOO Thin...
For The Truth To WIN... !!!

So Their Disrespect Begins...
With... RIDICULOUS Links... !!!

So... Wrong And Strong...
Is What They PROLONG...................
When THEIR DISRESPECT...
Is Proved To LACK Strength... !!!

Because What They Try...
Is To Try To... DENY...
TheIr Fallacies And LIES... !?!

Cos’ They're NOT Wise Guys... !!!
Whose Type of DISRESPECT...
Leaves People... DEAD... !!!!!!

Especially When …
They Come INCORRECT... !!!
I’ve Now Been Disrespected …
By So Many Collectives...
That It Feels Like An Infection …
That WON’T STOP Spreading... !!!

As If I Am... The Target...
For IGNORANCE To Market... !?!

But It’s Now Become CLEAR...
That My Veneer And Thinking Steers...
Most Eyes And Ears To Clearly FEAR...
When I Start To Draw NEAR... !!!!!

Because of My Skin...
And Because of My Lips... ?!?

And Because My Words...
Are TOO PURE For The Herds...
of These SHEOPLE People... !!!

So I’m TOO BLACK For Some...
But NOT Black Enough For Others...
Who Share The Same Colour... ?!?

As If... Taking Care of My Mother...
Was … DISRESPECTING...
My Own … Blackness... ?!?

Some People Should THINK...
BEFORE They Link...
Their Words To Things...
That Are Clearly STUPID... !!!!

So Of Course Some Women...
Have Run Their Lips Like SINKING Ships... !!!

When It Comes To How...
I Break Them Down...

DISRESPECT of My TALENT... ?!?

When I Choose To CHALLENGE...
Their... DOUBLE Standards... !!!!!!!!

With Words That RAVAGE...
The LIES They... Manage... !!!

Has PROVEN To FEED...
DISRESPECT Speech...
From IGNORANT Peeps’...

Who Seem To BELIEVE...
That They Really Know Me... ?

DISRESPECT For THEM...
Are Thoughts That Lend...
Themselves To Express...
SO MUCH NONSENSE... !?!?!

That I Now Call Them...
..... IGNORAMUSES..... !!!

So Called... " Friends "...
And.... " Acquaintances "....

Should DO THIS LESS... !!!

Choose To EXPRESS...
A Lot of Talk That’s DEFECTIVE... !!!

Because Just Like ME...
NOBODY's ABOVE... Being...............

.......“ DISRESPECTED “..... !!!!!
It's a very warped ideal now, what people now define as, them being ...
" Disrespected " ...
Lunar Luvnotes Apr 2016
To any hulk of an exec chef,  or any sous with little **** syndrome, if you think for a minute you're keeping your fingers after waving them in my face, your mistaken. Go ***** to someone else you say, point taken. I will dessimate you when you forsake me, just as my father did and many boyfriends. I pity your unborn baby, who will inherit your anger and yell like you, and if she's a girl, she will learn to put up with rage like yours. Your very pregnant wife has to shuck oysters just to keep her level eye on you. How smart. You flirt with everything. But even she can't save you from yourself, when you're hopped up on only God knows. Disrespecting the women from your wife's country, your child's lineage. I don't care how many drops run in your own blood, thats not a charge card to say racist **** on top of being an *******. I will always pray that you find your way, make your wife feel safe, para siempre, instead of coming onto women everytime she's not watching. Get right with God, walk straight. I cannot work in a hostile kitchen, I don't do this **** for these tips. When I don't even break a hundred a night, I'm calling it quits, and even when I did, I do not need to be extending my anxiety into a physical reality of shaking hands or jumbled words caught up in my throat. You see, when you raise your voice to me, my brain doesn't think, this man is my boss who can't hit me, my body is too busy bracing, for what muscle memory recalls, following similar stimulis before. If you talk to me like I am an idiot like my father did, if you raise your voice to me like he and all following abusers did, I just might cut you slow with my words, for I am indelibly OVER. THIS. ****. I quit Umberto after three years for his, so now I have a low tolerance. Insisting I can't do MY job, when it's not MY bad, if you're gonna take away my ability to defend myself, in a place I came to empower me, you better hope I feel merciful when you tell me to ***** to someone else when I say I don't appreciate the way you are speaking to us. I don't feel merciful, cuz I can't do this **** anymore. Getting in my face, saying I need to do my ******* job right if I want to take issue, cussing out a woman when I have done or said nothing wrong. I have always owned mistakes, if I said I did perfect this shift, you better back up off of it and stop talking to me like I'm some lying ******* idiot. Consider this my notice.
"Runner!" A tribute to food runners, cuz thats how chefs call us like dogs. The trick is finding where the best tips is, so that if they call you with a bell instead you have a pavlov situation but instead of pooling drool we're stacking bread.. at my second job I'm an expo so I get to do the yelling telling the kitchen what's happening, so if I don't yell loud enough I get yelled at. That's actually a good outlet for me I'm not gonna lie. If I was coked out I might also be too zealous.  Not really. My other job I'd never quit has nice chefs and I eat  and take home organic Italian for free. God is so good to me.

I'm not really turning this in or showing it to the sous it just felt good to write. The sous that inspired my luvnote to all coked out sous worked for  Umberto too, who is not to be put in a similar category cuz at least he's sober during the day and exercises his conscience most time after explosion of cursing in Italian. I don't do fine dining pressure for **** tips. I don't do sports bar classless for pooled house rations. And high pressure contention should never even ******* be mentioned in a ******* pan Asian sports bar. Period.

Yes I do realize PTSD doesn't mix well with kitchens and it'd appear I'm in the wrong industry, but there's money here, and hospitality comes naturally, yelling men only became challenging after my ex attached that to things so much worse than my dad. And id already known what it is to have that kind of money. I wasn't gonna give up on myself just cuz getting through a shift got harder. I just have to quit jobs everytime someone berates me, i can't take this anymore. Looking forward to doing hair mostly for my money instead tho.
Big Virge Sep 2021
Now RESPECT Should Be EARNED...  
NOT A Thing That Is... GIVEN... !!!  

Cos’ These Days It’s Linked...  
To People... TOO QUICK...  
And That’s Just MY Opinion... !!!

............ RESPECT...........  
SHOULD Hold Dominion... !!!  
  
Like Lands Used By Britain...  
To... Secure Positions...  
Now... Colony Driven... !!!  
  
A Respect That's RIDDEN...  
By FEAR And RACISM... !!!  
  
The Type of RESPECT...  
That Should Now Be Left...  
For Heads That STILL DREAD...  
  
Respecting THEMSELVES... ?!?  
AHEAD of Their Wealth...  
And Living In Submission...  
  
So Respect For Them...  
Is A MONSTROUS PROBLEM... !!!  
  
Because They LIMIT Thinking...  
To Feed Systems Driven...  
By Things Like Racism...  
And... Colonist Visions...  
  
That KEEP DISRESPECTING... !!!  
  
By Simply INJECTING...  
Forms of Indigestion...  
That DENY Them Lessons...  
About... INTROSPECTION...  
  
... Historical Lessons...  
And Stories NOT Vetted...  
As Well As Inspected...  
To Confirm Their Correctness... !!!  
  
I RESPECT What Is FACT...  
NOT... IGNORANT Chat... !!!  
  
Where Intellect’s REJECTED...  
Because It’s NOT Selective...  
Like... Societal Directives... !!!  
  
That Keep The SICK...  
... “ PROTECTED “...  
  
When They’re Found To Be...  
.... DISRESPECTING....  
  
The Very Laws That...  
... They’re SETTING... !!!  
  
It’s A Sickness That’s UPSETTING...  
And PROVEN To Be FACT... !!!  
That They CANNOT REDACT...  
  
When It Comes To This VIRUS...  
That Respects Like A TYRANT... !!!  
  
When It Comes To Retirement...  
of... ELDERS And Minors...  
  
A Respect That Feeds DEATH... !!!!!
So Is Being Accepted By Many Collectives...  
Who Seem To RESPECT...  
What Is Government Fed... ?!?  
  
Which Makes Little Sense...  
When It Comes To What’s Said...  
About How They DECEIVE...  
And BREAK THEIR OWN Policies... ?  
  
When It Comes To Respecting...  
What They Are Suggesting...  
..... Humanity NEEDS..... !!!  
  
Now If THEY CAN’T RESPECT...  
What They Now ALLEGE...  
To Be A DANGEROUS Threat... ?!?  
  
That’s Caused PANDEMIC Deaths... !!!  
  
Let Me Say THAT AGAIN...  
... PANDEMIC DEATHS... !!!  
  
When You Take Time To CHECK...  
And Your Thoughts You COLLECT...  
  
Does It Make Any Sense...  
To... STILL RESPECT THEM... ?!?  
  
I Dunno Anymore...  
Whether People RESPECT...  
The POWER of THOUGHT...  
  
Or RESPECT People MORE...  
Who DEFINE The Word *****... !?!  
  
And REJECT GIFTED Minds...  
That’s Right Just Like MINE...  
When It Comes To SHARP Rhymes...  
  
That Reflect On The Times...  
And Crimes of Human Kind...  
That DEFY Common Sense...  
And... USING Our Heads... !?!  
  
In Ways Where Brains Work...  
To Serve A... GREATER Purpose...  
  
Than Making Cash Burn...  
Just Like Some Greedy ****... !!!  
  
But In Ways That DESERVE...  
To Be Seen By MORE Heads...  
As Something of WORTH...  
That's REALLY Is Worthy of Earning...  
  
..... “ RESPECT “..... !!!!!
Indeed, it is something that should be earned, and truly deserved !
jeffrey conyers Dec 2012
To a male child his mother will always be his Queen.
Which in some cases many spouses/lovers refuses to see.
The whys are many and true?
She's the first lady he will ever know.
The first woman to watch him grow.
She's his first defense protector.
Mess with a mother's child.
You're asking for confrontation.
A boy needs his mom.
And these feeling doesn't change when he's grown.

The way you approach him as an adult.
Can be measure in ways he admires his mom.
If you disrespect her.
Then to him you're disrespecting them.

The tag "mama boy" doesn't offend many.
To some it a earned honor.
just know, a boy needs his mom.
Even when he's grown.

She's the first "be quiet" or "shut your mouth" person.
Who has the ability to get it done?
Hurt his mom in anyway.
You'll face her protector.
Who is his mom?
And in this case you might get hurt by the daughter.

There's this defense system built within.
A force field in children's to watch over her.
But more so for a boy.
Even when he's a man.

If she should die.
Then he lost his world.
All because she was the first woman to ever love him.
Accepted him for his stupidty.
Accepted him for his ways.
The one truth lady to stand by him to her dying days.
NeroameeAlucard Oct 2014
Just sitting back kicking back kicking facts on a track showing no slack never whack rap isn't just black is universal and that's a fact it's like when I write I direct My own movie like spike Lee it seems to me that loose leaf abuse to ink is therapy not hairapy it's not the hair it's the brain underneath it I believe it when I see it so by all means come kick it or split it down the middle with a complex riddle or rifle not to trifle with
This niche of my life is hell bent or heaven sent I'm not sure which I know there's a plan for me I can't see it yet but you can bet I'll do my best to fulfill my expectations without jealousy infidelity or me disrespecting you blatantly or indirectly
Diverseman2020 Nov 2009
He served his country
With the will and might
But only he forgotten
No one fights alone
Many medals and ribbons
Piled neatly across his chest
Honor and Valor was a waste
Carrying himself so foolishly
Disrespecting our Flag
How could he be so boastly?
As he walks the desert shores
I've drawn my bow
Releasing with ease
An arrow whistling through the wind
Feasting upon this corpse
Another traitor
Retribution
To a vulture's embellishment
Why do we spend so much time
Thinking about dying
Hurting ourselves
Focusing on pain
Instead of living
Seeking beauty and joy
And focusing on what makes us smile?

Why do we spend so much time
Telling others they are good enough
That they are loved
That they are stronger than they believe
That they are more than what people may say
That they are truly beautiful
Inside and out
Trying to get them to believe they are
Not just to make them feel better
But because they truly are
While we spend so little time
Telling ourselves the same things
Or believing that we, ourselves, are truly beautiful?

Why do we spend so much time
Focusing on those who won’t pay attention
Or those who only give us negative attention
Focusing on those who don’t truly love us
Suffering when they treat us in such ways
And missing them when they are gone
While spending less time
Focusing on those who pay attention
Focusing on those who truly love us
Cherishing the way they treat us
And enjoying the time we have with them?

Why do we spend so much time
Trying to be someone we aren’t
And hating who we are
For anyone who would rather change us
Than to love us as we are
Letting anyone convince us we aren’t good enough
Instead of being who we are
And loving who we are
Knowing we are good enough
No matter who may tell us otherwise
Even if the ones saying so are ourselves?

Why do we spend so much time
Worrying about what others think
Focusing on what others hate about us
And letting what others hate about us
Change the way we should see ourselves
While trying to make the people who don’t care happy
Instead of cherishing what people think
Focusing on what others love about us
Loving ourselves despite who may hate us
Despite what anyone may hate about us
Believing in ourselves
Just as much as we believe in others
Letting the good ways people see us
And what people love about us
Change our focus from self hate
To self love
Despite what anyone
Including ourselves
May hate about us?

Why do we spend so much time
Arguing with people who want us to argue
Hating people who want us to hate
Instead of ignoring those who cannot interact decently
And loving them despite their hatred
Not because of their disrespectful actions
But because they, like us, are still human?

Why do we spend so much time
Saying how we don’t agree
With the way people disrespect
With the way people insult
With the way people try to hurt us
Only to disrespect those who disrespect us
Insulting those who insult us
Hurting those who hurt us
Showing the same disrespects and dishonors
Instead of being the example we want others to be
Despite being treated less than we deserve by anyone?

Why do we spend so much time
Standing together in hatred against those who hate
Instead of standing together in love
Showing them the same love we show each other
Despite their hatred towards us?

Why do we spend so much time
Hating others
Hating ourselves
Disrespecting others
And in doing so, disrespecting ourselves
Instead of loving others as we want to be loved
Loving ourselves as we want others to love us
Loving ourselves as we want others to love themselves
And respecting others
As well as ourselves
The same way we want others to respect us
Even if they do not?

Why do we spend so much time
Judging those who judge us
While saying they have no right to judge
Or trying to stop anyone from speaking freely
While defending our right to speak freely
Condemning them because their words offend us
While justifying ourselves in doing the same?

Why do we spend so much time
Pushing some of those who love us away
All while promoting love
Searching for love
And wondering why we can never find it?

Why do we spend so much time
Opposing such hypocrisy in others
In all the ways that we do
When we are all hypocrites in our own ways?

Why do we spend so much time
Destroying love
Denying love
To ourselves and to others
In all the ways that we do
All the while promoting love
Searching for love
Dreaming of love
Wishing for love?

I wish we knew

I wish we all could see
The true beauty of love

Then maybe we could stop doing these things
To ourselves and to others
Just as we wish others could stop

Maybe we could love ourselves
Just as much as we wish others could love us
Even if they may not

Maybe we could show everyone else
The same love we want them to show us
Even if they do not

Maybe we could respect others
As well as ourselves
The same way we wish others would respect us
Even if they refuse to

Maybe we could be the example
We wish others would be
Even if they won’t

It’s about time we all did
PEARL SMOKE Dec 2014
I Introduced Myself To ****
Searched On The Internet
Most Dangerous Drug
I Was Curious
None Around Me Had Ever Mentioned or Talked About it
At 14
I Read Its Affects & Effects
The Consequences
Of **** Use Didn't Scare me
The Sensation of How it Makes You Feel is What bought me.
There i Go
That Same Day, That Night.
Hit Up My Dealer
Asked if He Had Any Connections
Turned out, He Sold That Too
iWanted To Try This
A One Time Thing, Just to see
Got it That Night
Crushed it Till i Thought Could Turn To Powder, Never Did.
Rolled Up A Dollar
Snorted A 3/4 Inch Line
Of Shiny Crystals
Then instantly my Nose Was on fire
Felt Like it Cut Up Inside my nose
Dissolving my sinuses
The pain lasted Around 40 Seconds
My Eyes Got Teary and Redish
Then A Few Minutes Later
A Nasty Taste Dripped in the Back Of My Throat
So Bitter and horrible
But
The Feel iT Gave Me Was
incredibly Wonderful
Did not expect this much Amazing sensation.
I loved it, Ice Seduced Me
The Drug Had Me Up loving Life For 24 Hrs
Once The high was gone
I Noticed i felt much better on it
So i Wanted it again
The Feeling Was As if You Won The Lottery, Had Every Materialistic
Thing you Ever wanted
As if All Your Dreams all Came True
Accomplishing
More Than 100 Thing's
Felt So Good about myself
Motivated, Highself Esteemed
I Liked How iT Functioned
iUsed
Then iT Quickly Turned
To Abuse
I Wanted To Feel That Loving Euphoria Affect Everyday
I loved it.
Id Started Buying more of it
Without Keeping Count of How Much id Spend.
Id Buy Bigger Quantities
The Amount iBegan With No Longer Hit Me, iNeeded More
I Had Then Built A Tolerance iHad No Recognition of.
I Noticed
My Allowence Money Was No Longer Enough To Get Me High
I Lost Control, **** Took A hold.
iBelieved iWas Doing it Out of me.
When in Reality
The Substance is whats Telling Me What To Do & how to Move
Developed The Addictive Mentality
Asking My Body For More
& More.
Scheming Of Ways To Provide Myself to get high.
It Was Destroying My Life
I Was To High To Even Realize The Negative Affects it was creating.
It Pushed People Away
I Was All About My Dope
Didnt Care if i lost Friends
Just Wanted To Smoke.
It Complicated & Made My Life miserable.
Crystal Had Me So Distracted i Had No iDea Or Intrest About What Was Going On Around me.
Family Arguments Appeared
iWould Get Rowdy Or Act ****** When id Be Coming Down
And Just Talk nonsense
Even if Nobody Was Doing Anything to me
Id Just Keep Disrespecting.
I Slowly Started To Disappear
And Was Becoming A Whole New Person.
With A Different View, Perspective
Unknown motives
Unpredictable Actions
I Lost My Self Completely
Mentally & Emotionally
I Smoked My Self Gone
People Then Started Becoming Concerned, Saying i had a problem.
I Then No Longer New
Who i Really Was.
Not Like it Mattered To Me Anyways
All i Cared About Was My Dope
And Getting High.
I Was Living in My Own Unrealistic World.
What Began To Look Real To Me.
Lack Of sleep
Made Me Start Tripping, Hearing Voices And Seeing ****.
I Would Go Weeks Without Sleep And food .
I Experienced So Many Bad Trips
Methamphetamine Had Me In A Bumpy Road, Lead Me To places i didnt know existed
And introduced me to tweakers who became my homie
iWasnt Concerned About My Looks Rather More into finding more
Dope Hooks
My Image Was Fading
I Became Very Thin, My Cheecks ****** in
Skin Tone Was Pale
Easily bruised
Collar bone out, My pupils Would Stand Out Especially With The Dark Bags under My Eyes.
i thought i looked good.
The Drug blocked the view of how i slowly began to look.
I Didnt Mind, Didn't Care .
I No longer Stoped to think About
My Actions or consequences
i Started to rebel more
I Didnt Fear Or Was Scared of nothing.
Eventually i Got To The point were i Would use and just feel nothing.
I Had No More Emotions
I Couldn't Smile or cry
I Felt No Remorse No Guilt
No Present Conscious
All Of This Behavior Led Me To Stealing And Doing Things that Went against My Own Will.
The Drugs
Messed With My Head
Gave Me insane Thoughts
Made Me Think Evil
Into A Complete Monster.
Its Really Krazie How these Tiny Shards Can Convernt
You into Something So Lifeless And Horrible.
I Went From Being A Curious Regular girl
To Just Wanting to Sit in My Room Isolated Everyday and just get high Hitting the Glass Pipe.
I dedicated all my time to this
I was sprung and in love
I depended on it for everything
I Went A Long Road
Went Through So Much
4 years of this
Story goes on..
MM Dec 2018
Snow White did not eat the poisoned apple, never ruled a kingdom.
She instead got judged everyday for living in a house with seven men,
not marrying any of them nor having any children of her own.
"What good is this woman for", they say.

Aurora did not ***** her finger on a needle, never met Prince Charming.
She instead spent her days alone, for everyone grew too envious of her beauty,
and had become believers that no one person can be as kind while being so beautiful, they did not want to befriend her.
"She's too good to be true, drop the nice girl attitude", they say.

Alice did not make it to Wonderland, never met Mad Hatter nor The White Rabbit nor The Red Queen
She instead got locked up for having too much creativity and imagination
"She's making so much discovery, girls are for household chores", they say.

Mulan never made it to the war, never won a battle for China.
She instead was forced to live a life she did not want to, marry someone she does not want to, often told that tradition always comes first.
"She's supposed to follow and respect tradition, to do otherwise will be disrespecting her family", they say.

Belle did not turn the beast back into a prince, never married him.
She instead had too many people stopped her from being with who she wanted to be with and who she wanted to be, for they also took all her books away.
"She's too smart for a girl and the beast is too ugly to deserve her beauty", they say.

Ariel did not get her legs back, never really found a home.
She instead spent her entire life being ridiculed for looking different than the rest of them; often laughed at for having distinguishing features.
"She's too odd, she's too weird to hang out with, what would people think", they say.

Rapunzel never made it out of the tower, never had a chance to chase her dreams.
She instead was forced to stay up for people have always told her she won't make it anyway.
"She's too naive for this world, her ideals are just impossible", they say.

And on and on it goes, until they break their every bones.
Until they have rewritten each and every fairy tale.
With so much animosity,  how to find a happily ever after?
Redshift Apr 2013
"you're depressed"
they say.
"you won't go to class
you won't eat
all you do
is sleep
you're depressed"
they say.
"i'm surrounded by failures"
he says.
dad, it's not my fault
i don't want to go
"i'll have to think about this all day"
he says.
me too
dad.
"i have psychological stuff wrong with me
from trying to deal
with all of this
the least you could do
is go to school"
he says.
i can feel the slam of the door
in my ears
"you're disrespecting me"
he says.
i told my bestfriend
that i'm not eating
not sleeping
or maybe sleeping too much
i told her
i blacked out
lost all sense
of hearing
seeing
feeling
fell down
"you're depressed"
they say.
Luna Jay Jan 2019
He did not deserve me-
Though he ended up with me, out of pure loneliness
On one end,
And horiness on the other-
He didn’t deserve me.
I am a strong and free woman,
Head held high,
Walking proudly through the crowd
Of judgement.
He wanted to cage me,
To tame me.
Maim me when I misspoke
With the ****** misconduct
Of his ****.
Left his mess for me to mop
And drug his palm against my face
When I didn’t do it quick enough.
I’m into some sick and twisted stuff,
But that doesn’t mean I have to dedicate my life
To a sick and twisted person.
He saw an opportunity and abused it,
Completely.
Ruined a Led Zeppelin album
Because he needed quick pleasure.
A sin.
To me, it was torture
Beyond any measure.
There is no safeword to stop him
From using me that the repeated
Shouting of the word “no”
Shouldn’t override.
Sobs and dry heaving
And unlimited tears that darted down my cheeks
Every time he forced himself
Deeper inside of me
Couldn’t trump a measly “safeword”.
Sneering down at me,
Forcing my legs open
As he stole the one thing
I’d always asked him not to take away-
My trust in men as an entire gender.
And of course,
Something as simple as getting off quick
Could never seem that complicated,
That complex,
In his miniscule male mind.
He came and went-
Dipped to college,
Got with new girls after
Shaving his beard off once he left,
Revealing that he was still a boy
All along.
Under the dad *** of the year
And sneer that was covered
In ****** hair,
Starred a scared boy
Right back at me.
He drinks to numb his pain
While I’m back at home with
A broken liver.
And it’s more of a slap in the face
Than finding out earlier
That he was cheating on me
The entire time
Anyway.
Stings.
More than the quick slaps
Across the face
I’d receive for
Disrespecting him.
He texts me-
On the day my crush,
My other half that I’ve yet to meet
Sends me an update on his life.
Cuffed in Mississippi
For a plant.
Mississippi-
The same place my sister went
After getting strung out.
The place I was at
When my little survivor pup
Was hit by a pickup.
There’s nothing good
In the big Miss.
Only terrible roads and greasy food.
On the other end, the runaway ******
Was telling me he was trying to
“Better himself”.
Asked if we were okay,
And then proceeded to make the conversation
About himself,
As he’d proudly done so many times before.
How stealth-
Can’t find a better man, she lies.
Hands tied,
Just like i’d asked you to,
But more than that.
In my mind, as well.
You’ll rot in hell
For what you did to me.
No, I didn’t go after him.
No, I didn’t tell anyone at first.
No, I never told his college.
What the **** would you even go to college
In Ohio for?
Cornologist?
No, I didn’t pursue him further after…
It.
Karma is my friend.
And I have all the time in the world,
Curing myself,
Not drinking myself to death
And sleeping with every man
Big enough to swing his **** around.
I’m bettering myself, too.
Even if I’m not allowing him to see.
Jazmine Moore May 2014
I wonder when people will stop falling in love through Instagram and twitter dms.
Having a false sense of acceptance through likes and retweets has become a norm for our world and I'm wondering when it'll stop.
I wonder when boys will stop being so afraid to love and girls will believe that men actually aren't all the same...
And I wonder when gays will have the rights they deserve and I wonder when women will stop being looked at as the white mans inferior
And I wonder when more women will actually believe that we don't have to be the white mans inferior
And I wonder when men will learn its okay to be a little vulnerable
And I wonder when **** victims everywhere will get the justice they seem to neglect to serve
And I wonder when double standards will seize to exist
And I wonder when people will get off social networks and go for more walks
And I wonder when dates become more common and one night stands will become extinct
I wonder when men will stop disrespecting our women and women will respect themselves more.
I wonder when I'll stop dreaming about all of these things.
But most of all, I wonder when we will decide we are the ones who control our own happiness
jeffrey conyers Dec 2012
When I look at my mother.
I see love.
I see happiness.
I see gladness.
I see joy.
Only, if I could be like my dad.
To the woman I love.

The quality of this man stands out.
In person.
And when he's out.
Around the house we knew we was love.

And we saw more of it.
The way he treated our mother.

To disrespect her.
Meant you was disrespecting him.
Which he soon corrected.
Whenever you was in the company of him.

He has his limits.
To what he tolerated.
And you knew his requirements.
Of what he expected when out.
And at the dinner table.

Favoritism was never shown.
We were treated the same.
But we witnessed that with mother.
He loved her in multiple ways.

We often hear about loving a woman
from a woman's perspective.
On the way that a boy treats his mom.

Except to many men.
It came from the way a good father treated his mom.

So when I look at mother.
I see love.
And from the smile she wears.
It was put there by dad.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2017
it always comes out of america, it really does!
  you start listening to these guys
in the 21st century talking about psychedelic
"pioneers" from the 20th century...
- hey man! like take this l.s.d.
- n'ah man! d.m.t.! 15min of fab!
- magic mushrooms!
               to be honest, i wouldn't do that -
i don't know why i wouldn't...
       maybe because it's no longer a secret?
carlos casteneda's anthropological study
of a yaqui shaman, don juan -
and don juan says: keep it to yourself!
but no... the americans in the 20th century
had to write poetry... shout the mystic experience
from the rooftops!
and i'm like: well... that's ruined, what's the point
of doing these eywa roots?
              eywa? the avatar planet goddess...
i'd love to have tried those things,
but these fungi have been contaminated by
other people's experiences, which they noted down...
is it really that bad? someone might ask...
                                               yes!
it's a bit like disrespecting other people's privacy,
the term privacy? should anyone attempt it...
          you can easily create junkies that way...
i was watching this video once...
  this american girl went in search of ayahuasca
in south america...
   she posted regular videos...
                             after a few videos, and she's
back home in america...
                   she's no longer eating / smoking it...
whatever... she's injecting it...
             move it back to europe...
                                    well, compared to you
"cool kids" in america... (apart from the dutch)...
  we're still going: give us enough *****
and a good song, some tobacco and we tell you
of mysticism of another kind: the type you see
with your naked eyes.
            i can't remember how many times
i had mystical(?) experiences drinking and listening
to music... usually nordic, but also germanic
music... ok even some slavic music...
                               english music?
                          you trying to bribe with candy
and a heart-numbing anesthetic?
                    you think i'd emotionally get-off
on english music? some henry the 8th greensleeves
suite?                        but, it's, only, alcohol...
   i'll mystify alcohol for you... end up feeling
so much that you have to burst into tears
    without any "enlightening" images,
geometric geriatrics...
                                i base everything on sounds,
**** the images, if there's a heaven i want to be
sitting next to homer, blind as a bat, as he ended
up being.
                  you want to know a mystical
experience from europe?
  well... yesterday i woke up with this unforgiving
pain in my neck, like i might have popped a ******
and it got stuck in my neck...
                 i blame the builders making a racket
too early in the morning...
                      so last night i was like: that's it! i've had
enough! **** this *** is good...
      so first it was 70cl of capn' morgan's white ***,
not bad, not bad at all...
              and then onto the pièce de résistance
   capn' morgan's original spiced gold -
                    making up about a litre of ***: in m'ah belly...
i'll be doing an apache yawn in a minute:
   ap ap pa pa pa - lazy onomatopoeia, i know:
i can't be bothered exacting that battle cry...
      but the zenith of this mystical experience came
after i butchered some food (ate it like a ravenous
wolf) - but i said to myself: not tomorrow!
   i'm not going to lie in bed with a neck-ache
like i might have popped a ****** and it got stuck
in my neck (austin powers' ref. third movie?) -
   and lo! behold... i woke up today chirpy like
a sparrow... chirp chirp! chirp chirp!
                                   and did the oddest thing
imaginable... i watched a "movie" -
                      watched batman: arkham city...
the walkthrough... up to chapter 20...
                                  now i see the funny side of professional
gamers... i can sorta start to build up a respect
for them now, before today i thought they
were a joke...
                               it felt like: the opposite of an audiobook?
in my life i might have listened to about 10minutes
of 1 audiobook... couldn't stomach it...
       but these game walkthroughs? now that's an
area i'm really going to discover after today -
they're practically movies (games these days) anyway -
   i remember times when playing games
meant you had sore fingers... like the first
time you pick up the guitar and one of your arms
starts aching because your fingers are getting
fried on the copper strings...
                           for some reason i can't imagine
myself playing a game like the one i ref. -
                     i prefer the game of hacking google...
but yeah... these games are great to watch,
but actually play them?
                        i'd rather shoot myself in the foot
before i start playing them...
    so yeah, the zenith of yesterday's mystical
experience...
    a. about a litre of *** (white and amber)
        b. 25mg of amitriptyline
   and crucially    
                                    c. 500mg of naproxen.
and this is for you, *******, having ruined
       the potential of having a psychedelic experience!
i didn't want to know... but thanks for telling me...
    **** yourselves, 20th century buggers
                                      and your poetic buggery.
Jonny Angel Dec 2013
A spectre resides within me,
tormenting me relentlessly,
disrespecting me in my sleep,
does this haunting have no end!?

There's a ringing
in my ears, just before
the pain sets in.
A constant-thumping,
a sharp-stabbing
behind my eyes,
disrupting me
from a glorious
deep slumber.

Then the panic sets in &
I must soothe this beast,
before I am driven mad.

And O what decisions!
Two or three scoops
of Colombian,
Kenyan, perhaps
some Guatemalan!?
Black, cream or sugar!?
What will suffice
this evil tormenter,
this wraith of the night!?

And O Dear Lord,
I cannot think clearly,
how can anyone
so sleep-deprived,
so panicstricken,
make such choices
this late, so early
in the morning!?

Dear Lord, please
help me make it
through another day,
please make
it go away!

Just black......
My presence in LDC was an obligation to find fortune and it was kindled and ready to swim as a Law Don amidst the professional predecessors in the matter. Whoever looked at me while I sloped down to the centre stood assured that I was going to trade my money for knowledge.
Like success is a calculated design, I dedicated my time from the day the magic ink from the secretary dropped on my paper in approval of my contract with the geniuses. Soon I set my goals as I got engaged with big brains that kept tickling my brains with knowledge and in no time my thinking capacity had multiplied faster than a virus in my head.
This was not a joking matter as some ambassadors to the centre retired before executing their duties due to the un friendly terms that were expressed, while others switched to Airplane  mode to ignore all terminologies’ that would likely  trespass to the head to block their understanding.
In this issue, I had to act big headed and consent to all, and if possible download a knowledge converter to store all the necessary data. Much as I germinated from law ignorance and sprouted courageously, I was terribly affected when I set foot to apply my wisdom to the justice defaulters in the hungry world. My shock was that most people looked like justice stores but where rather pregnant with lies which left me cringing, and this too has greatly caused miscarriage of justice in the society. How can you convince me to let them rest peacefully on earth, that would be disrespecting the knowledge that the centre has acquitted me with.
I beg on your pardon, haven’t I got a right to vociferate about this? I didn’t jump from a filling basin to watch injustice take precedence; and I wouldn’t stand drowning my ambitions of freeing many minds from their crippled negative thoughts that nothing is going to be better.  Thus set your eyes to seeing positivity yet to come. It’s better to believe than disbelieve, in so doing we bring all to a realm of positivity. Of course, don’t expect me to swear an affidavit to confirm that but though am more than willing to become an Onus to those that **** and defile justice in day light.
“Know the law” wasn’t quoted for history but to diagonise those who smuggle injustices and inequalities into our society. It’s a generation of thinkers although some people are still locked up, far from the truth with the while defaulters stand with a defence of insanity. Mind whoever that ignorance of law is not a defence; we have to undress society of its evils to qualify ourselves to be called children of justice. It begins with the legal brains but cuts across all sectors with common intensions. In all capacities quarter, half or fully baked with knowledge and understanding we ought to light one another’s candle, not to set bush on fire and selling off the innocent souls.
Am a preacher of justice, a justice centred mind, preaching to heads of undefined demeanour.  If 1 is a position and one by one makes a bundle, then what’s your position in justice?
A naked mind can’t achieve anything.  Just like we all work for a better tomorrow and not to live as vagabonds in this world, therefore don’t smile back if you’re not ready to take the precautions to send the devil back to hell.  As a merchant of justice, I bow for all great country men who have endlessly stood firm and fought to protect the house of justice.
Aaron LaLux Nov 2016
Welcome To Egypt


You want to know what a military dictator ship is?

Checkpoints at every crossing,
police disrespecting the citizens,
guns gripped tightly in the hands of teenagers,
bleached white suits with fake brass stars.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know what becomes of fallen empires?

Dusty streets of broken dreams and failed endeavors,
uptight men in loose jellabiyas hawking Chinese made junk,
descendants of kings catering to the whims of ignorant tourist,
and a once pristine river now so ***** it’s dangerous to swim in.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know what irony is?

Here denial is a double entendre,
it’s a river and a state of mind,
where the people can’t see they are biting,
the very hand that feeds them.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know what it’s really like here?

Well I was just harassed today,
accused by the police of trying to pray,
because in Egypt it is illegal to pray or even meditate,
I had to threaten to call the US Embassy before I was allowed to go on my way.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know what the real atrocity is?

The States gives this country over a billion dollars a year,
but the people that really need the money don’t see a single pound,
the money is used to further oppress the people,
and anyone that tries to stand up for their rights is beaten down.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know what happened to democracy?

The Muslim Brotherhood won the election,
then the military staged a coup,
kicked out the democratically elected government,
and assassinated anyone that dared to speak the truth.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know what the real Egypt is about?

Come witness the horror for yourself,
mothers dying in doorways children eternally crying,
horses beaten to death in 106˚ heat,
then left for dead no burial for the dying.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know what equality is here?

What equality woman have to cover everything up,
wearing all black in a torturing heat,
and if I man tries to hold a woman’s hand,
then they both get rounded up by the Moral Police.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know how bad it really is?

People die every day on boats trying to escape,
desperately attempting to flee this god forsaken country,
what a travesty and shame it all is,
how poor this country’s become that was once so wealthy.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know the truth?

The oppression is so bad in Egypt,
that anyone that says anything about that,
can disappear courtesy of the secret police,
seriously it happened to my dear friends dad.

Welcome to Egypt.

You want to know what?

Luckily I am not Egyptian,
so I can escape this country that’s become a prison,
leaving in a few hours and to anyone that’s considering a visit,
I’m leaving behind this welcome warning here that I’ve written.

Welcome to Egypt.

∆ Aaron La Lux ∆

The Holy Trilogy Vol. 1 available worldwide 11/11/16
A harsh reality from Poetic Journalism
Bunhead17 Nov 2013
2 Pac:
"...and I feel like if you walk by a street and you was walkin' on concrete and you saw a rose, growing outta concrete
Even if it had messed up petals and it was a little to the side you would marvel at just seeing a rose grow through concrete.."


As a yougin' all I had was a dream
Rappin' to myself as my mama used to scream
Papa getting violent and he beatin' her again
They just feeling stressed cause they tryna pay the rent

Papa, you a G though you did wrong
Mama, you an angel cause you stayed strong
Papa, it's alright, we have weak moments
Mama, you a soldier cause you keep holdin'

Uh
But some days, we ain't have ****
And some nights, I was askin'
"Why we so poor, but my friends not?"
Just jealous of what my friends got

Uh
I was hungry and you fed me love
****, you gave me yours, it wasn't enough
Yet, I took it all and without a praise
You made it feel like home and without a place
Workin' like slaves, and I'm so sorry
Ungrateful for the things you done did for me
Comin' home from school, disrespecting
Acting like I ain't have blessings
Dear, Mama the council won't get you
If you try to go, I won't let you
A careless *** kid, but I'm tryna change it
I just need to tell you I appreciate it

2Pac:
"...and I feel like if you walk by a street and you was walkin' on concrete and you saw a rose, growing outta concrete
Even if it had messed up petals and it was a little.. you know, to the side you would marvel at just seeing a rose grow through concrete.."


As a youngin' all I had was a dream
You was my brother, my hero, my team
I was down for you, all you did was sell
I was growin' up while you was in and out of jail
Waitin' at the court room, all of us silent
You was never home, you was always so violent
How you think I felt when I visited the prison
Of where my brother at while my partner gone missin'
I was gone dissin', but I was just hurt
From all those nights, those fights, those words
****, we used to argue all the time, I hated you
And witnessing your drug dealin' and I hated, too
It was my birthday and then some next ****
All them times, you just got your *** arrested
Family stressin', I'm surprised you ain't dead
From a life of a crime, and that war with the FEDS
Have you thought 'bout what you put me through? HUH?
And all the things I had to do for you
Like deal with the people who spoke your name
Like this ***** who disrespected you, I broke her frame
But it's okay, I'm your baby sis
And some day I just may be rich
And I got you, I ain't gotta say it
I just wanted you to tell me you appreciate it

2Pac:
"...and I feel like if you walk by a street and you was walkin' on concrete and you saw a rose, growing outta concrete
Even if it had messed up petals and it was a little.. you know, to the side you would marvel at just seeing a rose grow through concrete.."
the parts that has quotation marks and 2Pac's name are words that he once said and i added them in. This is more so a rap.
Mateuš Conrad May 2017
i have to admit, i have retracted my position on *******;
quiet frankly? my ***** starting aching,
            and they turned into the size of peanuts from
all the concentrated fluid in them; and that happens,
  when you go dry for a month... and by then it's not a case
of pleasure (or some fetish)... but rather to ease the pressure;
and it has to happen at some point... which is why i think
celibacy is a farce... it's unavoidable as a woman
experiencing her period... it just has to happen... once a month...
and it's not related to pleasure, as such...
         it's just a biological cycle... and the stuff that comes
out?            slightly canary tinged...
                 by the way... did you know that penetrating
a woman on her period (wearing a ******), can actually
alleviate her pains? and if you're trying for children?
          **** her on her period, wearing a ******,
   and when she's off it... ******* into her...
         chance are, she probably, just might, become pregnant.
well, i don't know, that's what happened to me it seems,
i was hard at work on an industrial sized roof
and she calls me up and she says: i think i'm pregnant.
is this were descartes comes in, to let me know what
you're thinking... or feeling?
                      if she said: i feel i'm pregnant...
          i wouldn't go all "autistic" ape-**** on her associating
what i deemed to be thinking.
          oh she could move for her ex-boyfriend from st. petersburg
to edinburgh... but she couldn't move from edinburgh to
            the outskirts of london for me...

anyway, apologies for the long italic introduction,
and the subsequent shorter "poem".
          now, there are three tiers of liquid amber,
there's whiskey... there's bourbon... and there's brandy,
              or for puritan sensibility, otherwise known as *cognac
-
and you drink the last example of amber, warm,
      in a bell shaped glass, which you hold with your
hand tucked beneath the bell shape, with the glass' foot
lodged in between your middle and ring fingers...
      again, that's a puritan / orthodox way of drinking
the amber...
       but i have another, for one, i can't disrespect brandy...
i still drink her like i might a whiskey, with ms. pepsi...
the only difference?      freshly squeezed lemon
               added to the mix; obviously ice-cubes...
      but if you're going to mix brandy with ms. pepsi?
    lemon juice.
In an age of braless nymphettes wearing lululemon
Who speak of unequivocal virtues
We seek **** role models and female superheroes
Ambition has no equal in all its atavistic ambivalence
Still we ****** our ******* feminine values into each other’s faces
Disrespecting our past predators and predecessors
And the pirate priests who prepared our souls for fiery salvation
In wartime circuses we are all pretzels and pantyliners
Who necessitate no changing stations for these gyrating giants of industry
And the gentle guardians of the spirit
With giraffe sized necks and human hearts that beat in their vulturous beaks
Who tear each and every naive feminine seeker into thousands of tiny pieces
Till all that’s left are precocious and imperfect targets
Seeking articulations of their convulsive
Nay, compulsive addictions to affection
With dinosaur sized scars and crocodile scales covering their erogenous parts  
We hide beneath a pile of beautifully styled business cards and good marks
Like we are a bunch of naughty children caught lurking in someone else's basement
Until the morning comes and we heed the need to once again impale our flailing limbs on another angry treadmill
While pilates preachers speak tender secrets from palaces of perfection
A hungry intersection of underwear and diamonds
When we finance our families’ vacation with blockchain investments
That eventually all end up feeding the same weapons dealers who control the world’s most vulnerable food chains
We are all deniers of the warnings of climate change specialists
Who liberate their minds with psychedelic toad poison
Moist as the dawn we overcame the wolves of oblivion
And covered up a significant number of Mother Nature's sounds that we abhorred for all the wrong reasons
Preferring fir-scented yoga rooms to an authentic forest floor covered in pine-needles, acorns, cones and a plethora of edible fungi
We’ve come to detest our own chthonic scents, senses and instincts
So we try to pretend that we've never sweat before
Exactly like a pile of compassionately discarded compost
Innocently left to rot in the sun for several weeks on end
So now for fun we back-bend over thundering volcanoes
Earthenware bowls asymmetrically formed in our souls
If all our pelvises tilt slightly to the left of west
Then the forest’s health is a direct reflection of our own faulty perspectives
And now you justify selling your soul for meager earnings
For next to nothing is always better than being wholly broke
Or broken holy or even sometimes just a little bit more hungry
Jimmy Desire Feb 2012
And when I see her, my grin becomes a smile quickly…
A simple reaction actually, her smile is contagious
So even when I’m upset I become afflicted
And I love that but when we trade places
No matter how much I try, nothing seems effective
So I’m afraid she’ll get tired, get up and leave
That’s why I despise getting close, I hate deceit
Believing in something when it’s really nothing
And sure you may think I’m ruled by negativity
But in reality I’m cautious,
Simply trying to protect my positivity…
My heart seamlessly intertwined with these words creates sustainability
These words combined with my thoughts create invincibility
All of those previous things combined with my soul create vulnerability
Because writing brings me reassurance
But it doesn’t quite fix things
That’s what’s left for me to do
Then again, that’s only if I’m allowed to…
Now patience is a virtue I’m not quite familiar with
But I’ve become more familiar, in time, with you
Granted patience wasn’t the answer
Rather it was as simple as accepting what I already knew
Certain things are too good to be true
Now regardless of what’s occurred
We’ll get passed it because you mean way too much to lose
And clearly we’ve had our issues
But I couldn’t forget you even if I had the option to choose
Believe that,
The same way you should believe I have the upmost respect for you
So please forgive me for any vulgarity or offense that I may commit
Because you know me and disrespecting any female is the furthest thing from my wish
But what I do wish is that this distance between us doesn’t last
It just isn’t worth it…

-Jimmy Desire
greatperhaps Feb 2013
I’ve seen some patterns that happen every day
In the growth and the stagnant way we decay
In these walls with no windows and the teachers all glazed
Eye’s glazed from the all-consuming glooming haze
Of what we all must become someday, right?

So live it up now because in ten years we’ll be settled
We’ll either grind it out or run away from the ghetto
To suburbia where no black man resides
This is the land where white men all hide
Have kids, hate your wife, hate your life because you have resigned
To what you hated at sixteen because it happens all the time

I need to SCREAM that this is not the only thing
We are not all cogs in this machine that lacks life’s meaning
Dr. Manhattan said that we’re all tied to strings
And the FDA keeps on poisoning
Well he had a point and our food disappoints
But we are not hopeless, we can anoint
Our own power to see the strings that toy with girls and boys
And slow the rate at which we destroy
Our own bodies and homes and the earth and our minds
We are capable of breaking societal binds

Beat

So pass that joint to the **** and get out
Because substance doesn’t need more substance when your mind could spill out
From thinking, from capability, from plane to plane
Polluting the air while you pollute your own brain
I’m not disrespecting, there’s always a place
But get out of that scene so you can get out of the race to the end
Of youthful reputation that always constantly needs mending
Escaping won’t help because it’s always just pretending

We are not victims and we are not martyrs
We have contributed to this world from the very start
Of our ephemeral, radical, illogical existence
With our parents raising us to never know resistance
But it’s in our bodies we just refuse to assist it
The birth is messy, ******, not gut-free, completely you and completely me
Covered in what we call wicked tragedy
And from the womb of our souls we take a new body with standards to break
It slithers from slender thighs like a domesticated snake
Down our legs and across the floor so we can FINALLY RELATE
To a world that this city doesn’t know
A world outside of the common, the rotting, the flow
And you know that I know that we know we can feel it
We feel it because we can hardly *believe it

— The End —