Doldrums bang, doldrums, doldrums
Throughout she sang, throughout, throughout

My heart broke then, my heart, my heart
But then she spoke, but then, but then

Enraptured I flew enraptured, enraptured
Because she knew, because, because

Dispite what she does dispite, dispite
My love she was my love my love

I miss your *****
Almost as much as i miss your *******
I want you more than i can comprehend
These perverted thoughts i dont even pretend
Theyre not all i think about all day
Also i can honestly say
I ******* to her
At a massive rate
It blows my mind
How one of a kind
This georgious ******* girl is
Please oh please will ya be my miss
I swear ill be better to you
Than anybody ever you never knew
If you swear down youll be mine
Ill bring you flowers on valentines
Black roses that remind us of death and ****
Ill make sure you are aways well lit
High as a kite you know what i mean?
And dispite of how crazy it seems,
When i do finally greet death,
Hopfully overdosed on some neat ****,
I will be embraced by satan himself,
BUT WHAT NO! WHATS THAT BEHIND THE SHELF?!
Out flys a glorious Anni
Chariot pulled by badass pegasi
She pulls out her mighty scabard
Slices and dices the decaying *******
wait wait went off track a bit
That last part...didnt quite fit
But im just obsessing
Seriously not messing
I want you so bad
It makes me so mad
I want you and all of you
Im not queit sure what to do
From there
But i dont care.
My one and only demand
I just want to hold your hand

I'm over you

Roses are red,violets are blue. You think you broke me,but, I'm going to show you.
I'll come back even stronger than before.
Your lies and deceit don't affect me anymore.
I'll be even more confident, wait and you'll see.
You thought you could take my dreams away from me.
My belief in my abilities, and,that is so sad.
You'll never know the diamond you had.
What was once in ruin is more solid than ever, dispite the fact you tore it down.You thought you were clever.
Now who's the smart one?.I am, without a doubt. I've change who I am, both inside and out.
I won't accept anything less than a heart that is true. The days finally come. I'm over you.
If you ever realize the pain you have caused, If you ever see how you made my life pause.
I hope you don't hurt anyone else that deep. Because in the end, what you sew, you'll reap.
Another will come along, that captures your heart and, before you know it, will rip it apart.

Randy McPeek

If I could
I  would 
But I can't
So I  won't
--Be the carpenter to the building up of your ego.
--Shower you with confident praise, umbrella you from dissident things.
--Figure out the high and low moods of an adrenaline *****.
--Nod in agreement, like a court jester, to the latest exploits of a drama queen.
 
 Its a constant chore I abhor just to get you up and moving out the door.
Push you out the nest to fly,
throw you in the water to sink or swim, to try.
It's what we do when children are all grown,
NOT what we do for girlfriends who are afraid to leave home or be alone.

It's  not a keeping score point system where I'm giving more than I'm getting. Its more of a witnessing to the feeling of the allowing and the letting.

If I could
I would
But I can't
So I  won't
-- pave a yellow brick road through your misgivings.
--Smooth off the edges of your indecisions.
--Give you the cowardly  lions courage he got from Oz.
--Lie to boss Hog that your sick in bed.
-- Tweezer out the splinters of your perceived injustices.

If I  could
I would
But I can't
so I wont
Cottle you, bottle you, can't promise you or promote you. Must remove you and remote you, no longer develop you or devote you. Your on your own.

And in the end, dispite what I  do and the might that I  do it with... the final road is one we walk alone.
  I have to let you go now.

I seek the mystery of the night, I crave the one wearing midnights lace
I need to see the depths of her darkness and become lost in her velvet embrace

I seek truths unseen by normal men, only ever beheld under a sunless sky
To humble myself and plead again and again, her attention a shooting star, still catch it I will try

Her skin dark, with a sheen as though stars are lined underneath
Her eyes all seeing, the secrets they hold and the truth they know
Her lips the lock in which few if any man or woman hold the true key
A blasphemous thought to think there is a flaw in her from head to toe

I am mesmerized by the dark skin of the lady with a lions name
I am trapped by the possibilities of the girl with the gun firing roses
The dark woman, a lioness that no sane person will ever try and tame
I am enchanted, at great risks I must get to know her dispite the threat she poses

The reflection of the mirror
is not what i see
It lacks depth and dimension
You cant see what i see.
i dont need to reach into the mirror to touch what i see.
I can simply touch what i see.
Dont be displeased by what you see
know that i love you dispite what you see.
Because what i see. Is much more than just a reflection of what you see.

ANYTHING FOR A HOME




THE GOVERNMENTS DON’T CARE FOR THE MENTALLY ILL

THEY DON’T GIVE A ****

YA SEE THIS HOMELESS MENTALLY ILL MAN WAS CAMPING ILLEGALLY

CAUSE HE HAS NO HOME TO GO TO

I THINK IT’S WRONG, WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TOO

SEEING ONE OF THE POOOR AND SUFFERING

GET INTO TROUBLE FOR ILLEGAL CAMPING


UMMMMMMMMMM MAKE THIS POLICE MAN LEARN UMMMMMMMMM

THAT DISCIPLINE LIKE THIS IS WRONG UMMMMMMM PLEASE

INSTEAD OF ARRESTING THEM, GIVE THIS GUY A HOME WITH ROUND THE CLOCK CARE


UMMMMMMMM SO NO PERSON CAN NICK HIS STUFF


UMMMMMMMMM HE SUFFERS MORE THAN THE COPS


UMMMMMMMMM  HE NEEDED TO BE LOOKED AFTER MORE

UMMMMMMMMM  HE DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE



UMMMMMMMMM   THESE POLICE MEN WERE JUST DOING THEIR JOB, WELL YEAH MATE UMMMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMM HE HAD NOWHERE LEFT TO GO, UMMMMMMMMM I LIKE MENTAL PEOPLE UMMMMMM


THEY MIGHT LOOK DIFFERENT, UMMMMMMMM THEY ARE ALRIGHT AND FUNNY


UMMMMMMMMMM HE NEEDED TO BE CRIVEN TO A HOME FOR THE HOMELESS

UMMMMMMMMMMM RATHER THAN SHOT, NO THERE IS NO EXCUSE, FOR POLICE DOING THIS

UMMMMMMMMMMM THEY ARE HASSLING THE MENTALLY ILL, IT’S SO WRONG UMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMMM, I DON’T WANT TO SAY THINGS OUT OF TURN, BUT UMMMMMMM THESE POLICEMEN WERE IN THE WRONG

UMMMMMMMMMMM  THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR KILLING IN EVERY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION

UMMMMMMMMMMM IF HE REALLY CARES, THEY WOULDN’T HAVE SHOT HIM DEAD

UMMMMMMMMMMMM SORRY IF I AM TOO HARSH, BUT BUDDHA SAYS KILLING IS WRONG, UMMMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMMMM NO, BUDDHA, ATHENA, AND CRONUS, WHO IS ME, DOESN’T EXCEPT THIS

UMMMMMMMMMMMM GIVE THIS HOMELESS MAN A MICROPHONE, ON SATURN SO HE CAN RAT OFF THE POLICE THAT KILLED HIM

UMMMMMMMMMMMMM  SOMETIMES IT’S GOOD TO BE HARSH, UMMMMMMMMM IF YOU SEE THE KILLING OF THE HOMELESS


UMMMMMMMMMMMM IT’S JUST NOT ON, BUDDY, IT’S JUST NOT ON UMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMM UMMMMMMM UMMMMMM

I HOPE THE POLICE AREN’T PROUD OF WHAT THEY DID, IT’S WRONG TO ****, THE MENTALLY ILL

UMMMMMMMMMMM  DISPITE WHAT YOUR REASONS MAYBE UMMMMMMMMM I AM TOO NICE, FOR BEING A FIGHTER

UMMMMMMMMMMMM BUT THIS ******, CHILLS ME TO THE SPINE UMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMMM PLEASE, GIVE THIS MENTALLY ILL HOMELESS MAN A PERFECT FAMILY IN HIS NEXT LIFE

UMMMMMMMMMMM IF THERE IS ANY SUCH THING AS A PERFECT FAMILY

UMMMMMMMMMMM LET THIS DEATH, MAKE THESE POLICEMEN SQUIRM LIKE I DID, BUT I NEVER KILLED NOBODY

UMMMMMMMMMMM  HOMELESS, HOMELESS HOMELESS, I SAID IT 3 TIMES, TO STATE THE REASON WHY HE WAS CAMPING

UMMMMMMMMMMM IT’S BECAUSE HE WAS SUFFERING, HE WAS HOMELESS, HE WAS HOMELESS HE WAS HOMELESS UMMMMMMM


UMMMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMMMM KILLING SHOULD BE WRONG UMMMMMMMM PEOPLE SHOULD BE GIVEN PROPER GUN TRAINING

UMMMMMMMM IT’S WRONG TO ****, IT’SC WRONG TO **** UMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMM

I'm just a dreamer
chasing disaster

I see it on the horizon
yet gaze in awe
as if it was a sun rise

its myriad of colors
harbor horrors I've yet to conceive

but I don't know
so I don't care
I raise my glass and toast
to a better tomorrow
then drown in the *****
and pray that the sun rise I see
isn't a sun set on my dream

sink or swim
I have nothing left to loose

Ruth was not her name
Ruth is just her game
To save her face, and keep her safe,
Dispite the pain she gave,
Ruth will be the same



Ruth was first, the best, the worst
The one who took us everywhere
And once I lost her in the crowd
And found her again in all new wares

The greatest kiss
The fastest ride
Up great hills and down sweet planes
To an end most fowl.
Twice I died.

Ruth was the first, the best, the worst
The one who ruined everything
And again I lost her to the crowd
And met her again in the wings

The sideline view of her shook my heart
And rocked my feeble world
Up terrible mountains And down sharp plunges
To an end so fowl
That it could.only be that girl

Ruth is not her name
Ruth is just her game
She may not know the way she works,
The way she is, that's Ruth.
Ruth hurt

You say you love us
But that's a lie.
You say you just borrow
But you steal.
You say you can't choose
But you can.
You say you are fine
But you're not.
You act all loving
But you're just fronting.
And so
You say that cigs are your babies
Now that's actually true.
Because you my dear
Have told that to us.
Yes, it's a addiction
But if you even cared about us AT ALL,
You would try.
Dispite how stressed you are.

One cigarette can't help you.
Your family can.

I know the truth.
I guess that is all that matters.
That white one shouldered dress,
that clung tightly to my hips,
like a woman to her lover.
I know the truth.
Maybe that dress had been removed,
but nothing was given away.
Dispite common belief.
Even through a thick haze of drugs and alcohol,
I know the truth.
"It doesn't matter what anyone says
or what they think"
That's what I tell myself.
But I know, with the wholeness of my being,
that I care.
I am not a ****.
I was younger then, not by much,
but younger.
And I didn't know that you could turn
me into something used and tainted,
frowned down upon by others.
I didn't know that your few words and a mischievous grin
could turn me into something I am not.
But I knew the truth.

"I love your feet for how they found me"
Those aren't my words but there sure true
Because this life is quite the journey
I'd like to travel it with you

We'll find new comfort in the thunder
And let the silence speak its peace
Just happy in each other's presence
As the days turn into weeks
I'll be the one to hold you tightly
And reassure you that your whole
I know this world at time seems lonely but your heart stays warm dispite the cold

Bolting upright,
In a valley oh so green,
Adorned in white,
And seeing clouds dot the sky,
I realize with a starling realization,
"Oh ****, I guess I died."

Make my way to the barn I saw,
See a spread on a table 30 foot wide,
I see Jesus with all his fellers,
Laughin' while sippin on wine.

I walk up to the Son,
And ask if I can have a seat,
He gestures to the empty seat to his left,
Apparently, he was waiting for me.

As Jesus laughs at a joke from John the Baptist,
I take a sip from my glass with a trembling hand,
Looking at our savior a gather the gumption to ask him an important question to me.

As he turns to me I feel my stomach drop,
He says,
"Go on my friend and ask."
I say to him,
"Oh Lord, how is it this came to be?"

He ponders this over a bite of trout,
Gesturing me to take a bite of my own.
As I chew on the tender meat he swallows and says.

"My boy, you were a bit gruff,
and crass I may say,
But you believed in me and dispite your rougher edges,
You never lost your faith."

I looked over to James,
Who's talking to Matthew,
Debating the best kind of fly for fishin,
And Jesus continues to me.

"While you stumbled a time or two,
And did some things that made me shake my head,
You did your best to be a better man,
So for that you can join in on this little meal,
and feast here with my friends."

I take in the scene before me,
The surrealness of it all,
And a smile creeps along my face,
But quickly falls with the same pace,
"But what of my family Jesus,
Are they alright after my death?"

He turns to me,
A smile in his eyes,
and lays my concerns at ease.

"They'll grieve you,
and in time they'll just join you here,
But for now let's finish up,
Because Mary makes a mean cobbler"

Can't I just be someone else?
Can't I just go back in time?
Can I just stop feeling?
Can my emotions simply die?

Die in time
Die in space
Die to lift me from this place

Place my heart
On ice in case

In case I want it back one day

One day I'll wake up
With love beside me
Happiness inside me
Peace dispite the

Odds are that it wont be you
It wont be anyone I ever

Knew I would be sad again
I can't shake the heavy oppression when
The darkness calls out my name
And I am forced to answer him saying

I have nothing else but emptiness.

I'd take the pill without regrets.

Walk faster push harder
Look for a light in the sun
All though all around you it feels like it dying
You're dying there's no air there's no fun

You're drowning alone and suffocating
The salt being poured down your throat
Strangles your cries for help
You can't hardly breath much less float

So why try?
Why not give up?
The bodies around you have done it
The blood that you drown in could fill gallons and cups

But you don't
You're still here
You're alive
Dispite what you fear

I am too
And so are the others
My pain won't be so bad
If we help one anothers

Its a long and scary swim
with no boats and no oars
But i'll give you my hand
If you give me yours

It seems like I have noone
Noone to back me up
Noone to trust anymore
I feel alone dispite being around people 24/7
All of my friends just seemed to fade into nothing
Noone asks about me anymore
Noone invites me anywhere anymore
And if I am invited my family will sure as hell ruin that too
All I want is at least one mate I can rely on
One mate that understands
But I guess thats too much to ask for.

The glance she gave me
When we started shifting
Our memories to those we follow.
The seconds we counted
When we started living
For today not depending on tomorrow

Hollow man, she started shouting...
With a silent voice,
That broke every ear's boundary.
She was quite, but sending out
A lot of information ...
Information I started treasuring
For the young to trace and build
A new Generation...

I guess managing to see how
She gets to be nervous when
Saying HI , was miscalculated
Because of the raised eyebrows
With vibrating eyelids .

Heart started pumping blood slower
Disturbing BlooD flow, suddenly she called me Noah....
Was it because I was chilled
Therefore my shoulders were a Lil' bit Lower ...?

Guess one will never understand
The tiniest Details going through a woman's mind ...
Dispite the Struggle
I'm glad I can still call her "Mine"

Being in a crowded place,
makes me feel numb.
Because dispite being surrounded
by smiling faces,
happy people
and positive thoughts...
i am so alone.
i'd prefer to be in bed
sleeping.
Forgetting the world.
Because being surrounded by people
who seem to be so fine..
makes me fall apart.
Because truth is,
im not okay.

Take my hand
step in time
I am sure it'll turn out fine
just let the current untwine your mind

Every single step takes you closer and closer
With every single breath, you find yourself shoulder to shoulder
with Enimes and friends
With out the evil intent
I guess the stars aligned
And all we say are
we are all the same, in the end

Someone spots you
A jesture or smile
Its been a while, why not smile back?
Some peice of mind might finally come through
I think we both need a bit of good

Trust me, i know the game we're playing
A razor quite thin, the head of a pin
But balancing comes as second nature
Tomorrow we'll still have our chance to win

The lights light faces and faces light
Everyone is one tonight
Crack a smile its been a while
we've got the might
Not to mention will
to take something and dispite
hatred bleeding though
manage ourselves a lovely night

The colors of the glass
Surrounding little suns
Stain our hearts bright shades
We need to let the pain
Wash away

The irony is lost on me
But thats just the way i like it
ignorance is dangerous
but i think you should try it
Hatred fuels this night
But thats alright by me
I dont think ive ever felt so completely free

Venom drips from every cobble
on every corner
of every street
But i think you can do us both a favor
And turn your head as our hearts beat
Intermingled with the rythm
Love and trust the ones you meet

Just for the night
Its all alright

My love is like FIRE
So bright and warm you want to touch it
My love is like FIRE
Easy to light and hard to control
My love is like FIRE
Loud and exciting durning the night but when the sun finally comes up
Petty pointless
Unless you want to cook breakfast
And then put me out because lets face it
You only needed me for light,warmth, and food
You only need me to deafin the silence that surrounds the camp site
But dispite that
my love is still a FIRE
And I will let you use me to your hearts content
Because I know even with a sleeping bag you'd still be cold in your tent

oh my I miss you
I didn't think I ever would
but you came to mind earlier this week
as I was thinking about my future
I remembered the advice you gave
you were older and experienced
and I realized you had my best interest in mind
you cared about me and you loved me
I wouldn't be able to tell a soul a reason why you do
but I come back to the times I had nobody to talk to
even when I didn't want to
you were persistent to know what was the matter
and we're always there even when she wasn't
but oh my I miss you
you were there when I was crying tears
you were the first I told about how I felt when I looked in mirrors
you heard my cry for an hour straight about how he left and it was just too late
you told me you loved me and left me no advice
you listened and didn't say a single word
you let me talk and vent
and when you looked disinterested I asked if you were still listening you said "yes Sarah" and repeat the last 3 sentences I had said
you told me it was okay
you loved me dispite my mistakes
but now you're gone a million miles away
and I still remember the promise you gave me
if I wasn't married by 2020
you would propose
and you should know I didn't take that as a joke
oh I miss you
and I didn't think I would
but I never thought I would be this blind either
God meant to do this so you could focus on his work
and so I could too.
I can't wait to see you and hear the way you say my name
and hear you say "hey, I love you"
2 years is a long time but I'm glad that I had the other times..

December 18, 1990*

I think I know what a hero is
Though life has played me the fool
A man of strength and conviction
yet himself just another man's tool
A man who's wish is so simple
I suppose it can never come true
A dream that romantics will cling to
dispite all the pain they go through

I think I know what love is
For I myself have been scorched
and though the flame it may linger
it is never again quite a torch
But still I would give to you the whole of my heart
If I thought you would ever treat it right
Yes still I would give you the hole of my heart
to fill with the bones of your night

I think I know what loneliness is
It's death's only brother in disguise
reminding us of the emptiness there
that awaits when we give up the fight
And I suppose I know what survival is
It's knowing when something is through
It's that feeling inside that though something has died
some part of it lives on in you

Yes, indeed that is what it must all come down to. The battle of our spectacularly mediocre existence and work. The constant struggle between good and evil. Those who realise this see what it is that the universe has been wishpering to us from the very beginning that it is all we must do. It is the very force that drives it all. Like the oxygen into our lungs that gets released inot the blood stream, totally nessery for our movement and survival. But alas it has been faded. In the now in which we live it ha been tainted by scewd by a few in power, They rob us of what it is to be GOOD AND TURN US INTO parasites who must consume and own. This is evil and has cause only death and pain to the human race. The population of which so vast as if we are mini planets. We all revolve around something. We all have a meaning, a purpose, a sun which warms us and keeps of alive. Yet we all have a moon that brings darkness and beauty heart breakingly simotainously. Our loves and friends our neighbouring planets, part of our solar system. Everything, every aspect of the universe must order itself into these formations. It is law. The skeliton, the psyisics behind why such things must be leak out into everyones life everyday without a single exception. The rule is simple. Life our experience is the universe. Beautiful yet dangerously chaotic. Sallowly disorganised but like each drop of water in a river it has a path which it must flow down dispite the rapids. Those who can make the connections have only one hope to be free. That is to see things in their essence. To value all life no matter how big or small as life in a vast universe is a perious maricle and we must start by honering our own. Then understandly reaching our hands out to others.
Be good.

Don't forget the goal.
True love is powerful and not to be taken lightly.
It's hard to reveal your all to a complete stranger without assurance.
To be fully accepted, to hold to have in complete comfort.
Don't let go of the way your heart beats.
Let it flourish, grow from the stem and fill the petals with something wholesome.
Dreams are built within dreams.
The thought that leads to action.
Take the reigns.
The stem only knows to grow.
Provided with enough sun.
Enough water.
Dispite whatever obstacle.
It grows over, it grows through even under.
It takes form and even grows with a bend.
Nevertheless.
It grows.
Covered in sheets spread and enveloped in the bud of petals.
In arms reach of each other.
Through sickness and in health,
In perfect communication.
Through dirt, through the mud
Not only in bad weather but the days where the sun shines its brightest.
With thorns to protect,
It feeds the nature of balance which stimulates more growth.
Never forget the goal

We traveled around the north.
Pretty faces,
and silly phrases
passing through our day.

The look on your face when the sun hit the back of the mountain,
made my entire mind collapse.
A figment of my imagination, yet so stunning.
The sound of your voice shattered my heart,
and my lips felt cold at the thought that we'd be apart.

My mind was not thinking, and for that I held dispite.
How could my love be here, but still be a lie?
We were downtown, somewhere.
and you asked me my favorite part.
But I could only remember the smell of your hair.

A sky, once filled with your clouds from hell, has been replaced with my smoke stacks of lighting - ready to burn down everything you have built.
Dispite how you have ruined me, i refuse to ruin a house built on straws.
Despite how you crumbled me, i won't leave you when you need me most.

That's the differance between me and you.
That's the reason you no longer deserve me.

chorus:
God your mighty to save;
On Ocean waters;
Of this life-
Despite all my wrongs;
Your still the person
You claim to be;
All your ways are right.

Verses:
I've called upon Jesus name;
But I'm not stronger;
I just hunger-
For a different life.

God you say that Jesus-
and your word are light;
Help me to fight;
In a world that's forever night.

Lord, give me tender words-
Every truth;
Living proof;
That a heart can change.

Let all good change-
Be my reaction;
Dispite disatisfaction;
From a sin filled world.

I don't want be the enemy;
Can't they see;
Set me free;
I want to believe.

Let me die in your name,
All else is vain;
Help me not complain;
Wash away the stain.

Let life not be in vain-
It's time to rearrange;
I want to be yours-
Forever more.

Loving your inner beauty, dispite the flaws you hold. That is what makes you, the person you are! Holding you close, inhaling your sweet succulent smell. Whispering in your ear, "how amazing you are", whispering "I will never let you go." As chills runs down your spine, you've never felt a feeling like this before. You think it's love, Or is it lust? Noticing your ****** expression, saying the words I Love You, with just the twinkle in your eyes. Holding hands, gazing into one another's eyes, you can fell the temperature in the room change, as the heat of chemistry increase. He says "baby your the one for me, and I know I'm the on for you. Let's take this journey together, for I will always be there to protect you, as you will be there to guide me." From then on she knew it was true. A love so deep, so strong, they've communicated through eyes, body and soul, she knew he was telling the truth. He was the one!