Where is your heart,
It's a diversion
The glimmering, shimmering
Façade; the cloak
I like bright colors and shining ornaments
I thought I liked these things
Like your eyes and your voice
But it all disintergrates
Like the dust that was once mountains
My mind is the keeper of myriad memories captured by my five senses
I used to think it was all about me
And now I find myself dying to self
I can't make sense of it all
I've stopped imploring
Beating my fists to the floor, begging for more knowledge
I went out and sought the tree of knowledge
So I could take a bite of that poisonous fruit
I never found it.
Sometimes I find myself wrapped up in diversions,
Caught up in a web of hedonistic pursuits
Awaiting my death
I called "save me!"
Like the apostle Peter did when he was sinking
I called out in agony when all the pleasures became pain
An Angel appeared beside me
And guided me out of the dark night of my soul.
On days as placid as this one
I completely forget what pain is and
How prevelant suffering is
It's too easy to just look out for myself and my own needs and wants
It's too easy to turn a blind eye to the starving child thousands of miles away from you or
The self destructive drug addict next door
It doesn't matter if the suffering is forced onto the person or if it's self inflicted
We need to love all,
Seek to bandage the wounded with unconditional love
And cast fear out of ourselves
The fear of what is foreign to us
When I'm happy and content
I ask myself,
Where is my heart?
I may never be recognized for the good deeds I've done in my life
But I rather live a life full of purpose
Even if that entails
Showering love onto the ones who are suffering
Putting myself among the lowest of the low
So that I can reach out my hand
And pull someone up to my level of joy in God.
Love, like the scenes lost inside this tortured night,
Disintergrates on the whims of a fleeting dream.
I'll hide my breaking heart behind deceitful eyes,
As their light slips away through silent screams.
(Why can't I sleep forever?)
© September 11th, 2010 Moriah Jean
Found another old one.
To dreaming about love, and how it makes waking up unbearable.
Tongue tied with trembling hands
you looked at me and smiled.
Your face resembled someone familiar
but in your eyes I knew he was gone.
Take me back to the time you would
shelter me from the rain that felt like knives,
from the pain that would have pierced me
over and over again
because I was reckless and naive;
a girl lost in her endeavours.
You were there to protect your child.
I thought you were made of steel
but even steel disintergrates under pressure.
SOMETIMES WHEN LEFT TO MY OWN DEVICES
MY MIND BEGINS TO WANDER
REPLAYING PAST EVENTS, QUESTIONING PAST DECISIONS
IF I'M LEFT TOO LONG ON MY OWN
DEVOID OF HUMAN COMPANIONSHIP
MY MIND SLOWLY DISINTERGRATES
AND THE WALLS I'VE BUILT AROUND ME COME CRASHING DOWN
SENSING MY VUNERABLE STATE
THE VULTURES START CIRCLING
AND THEN COMES THE WAIT, WITH BREATHES ABATED
CRUMBLING BRICK UPON CRUMBLING BRICK
UNTIL THE LAST STONE FALLS
THEN LIKE STARVED WOLVES THEY POUNCE
ANXIETY SINKS IT'S CLAWS INTO MY FLESH
INFUSING MY BLOOD WITH PANIC
THIS BLOOD-BORNE DISEASE MANIFESTS IN EMBARRASSMENT
TURNING INTO ANGER
BUT IN THE WORST CASE SCENARIO
WHOLE BODY SPASMS EVOLVE
INTO WINDPIPE CRUSHING HEART PALPITATIONS
PUBLIC APPEARANCES ARE NOT ADVISED DURING THIS TIME
— The End —