"disintegrating" poems
euphoric paranoia
accompanies your touch
as you finger your way
under my skin
shadows on the curve
of your neck
jitters of reality
involuntary fantasy
caverns in my body
unrecognizable reflections
disintegrating away
maybe its your love
maybe its ****
Mar 30, 2014
Mar 30, 2014 at 10:05 PM UTC
Hey Human! I am your Sibling.
Queen bee wings are Ripped,
bee niblings are Smoked
For Your Honey Sweet.
Hey human! Listen your Sibling’s Buzz.
Tiger lost bones for Medicine,
Fox lost fur for Fashion,
Sharks lost fins for Soup.
Hey human! Do Not Butcher Siblings.
Simba’s life is not your Trophy,
Jumbo’s tusks are not Decors,
Helmets of Hornbills are not jewels.
Hey human! Do Not Reap Siblings.
Emperors of ice continent lost land,
Economics is making Amazon less,
Logging makes Orangutans homeless.
Hey human! Do Not Invade Siblings.
Warm oceans bleach corals,
Water depleted in cities,
We ingest plastic regularly.
Hey human! Do Not Desert the Earth.
Overfishing is holocaust of aquatic life,
Livestock levitates toxic emissions.
Hey human! Do Not Prey on Siblings.
Lichens stunned by pollution,
Symbionts are disintegrating,
Biodiversity is declining.
Hey human! Be Together with Siblings.
Hey Human! We are Offsprings of Mother Nature.
Monera, Animalia, Fungi, Plantae, Protista
all have common roots.
We are branches of the one Phylogenetic Tree
rooting Common Ancestry unto LUCA.
Hey Human! We are Siblings.
Hey Human! Recall your Siblings.
Hey Human! Revive your Siblings.
Jul 20, 2019
Jul 20, 2019 at 11:19 AM UTC
I feel as if I am disintegrating,
my atoms all wriggling out of place.
But one look at you,
and suddenly they all realign,
back in their rightful space.
Aug 24, 2014
Aug 24, 2014 at 12:58 AM UTC
She strides down the street,
Holds that cancer stick up to her mouth,
Takes a deep breath in,
Filling her lungs with lethal smoke,
Gradually rotting away her
Interior.
Her heart beats out of her chest.
[A heart divided between two hearts.]
He’s waiting at the street corner
Between the alley of lust and the
Path of ignorance.
She sees his silhouette in the
Distance, a dark apparition.
Her heart leaps out of her chest,
Towards him,
Reaching for him,
Propelling her to him.
She had absolutely no control over the matter.
The other man she loves is home
Alone, waiting for her too.
Moments ago, he
Held her in his arms,
Kissed her goodbye,
Told her to hurry back soon.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too” - the words
Suddenly conveyed
No meaning to her.
She told him she was
Running an errand, when,
In reality,
She was running away
From him.
[*A heart divided between two hearts
Can never really be a heart.*]
His love suffocates her.
His love drowns her
In its constancy,
In its predictability.
With him, she feels like a
Bird with its wings ripped off.
Held captive, in a wire cage.
[*A heart divided between two hearts
Can never beat the way it should.*]
How can a woman with two men
Who love her
Feel so
Staggeringly
Alone?
Who will love her until their
Disintegrating hearts turn into
Simply dust.
[*A heart divided between two hearts
Can never really keep from rupturing,
Infecting the body with its own poisons.*]
So she lets her underground lover
Envelop her in his arms
And kiss her until both of their lips
Are numb,
Until they both want more.
Until they cannot restrain themselves.
His love releases her out of her
Cage, allows her to fly once again.
The passion of these moments
Will never be forgotten.
His love brings the roses back to
Her lifeless cheeks, brings life
Back to the void inside her.
And, his love allows her
To fly back home, once again,
Straight into the arms of the
Man who is her keeper.
Nov 14, 2012
Nov 14, 2012 at 3:05 AM UTC
I am a crumpled sheet of paper in the hands of my predators
Their hands snaked around me, squeezing the life from my body, leaving me to collapse into their want
Too young to realize, too weak to fight back
………
He choose the game he wanted to play
and I became a dice he could roll around
in the palm of his hands
But this body is my temple, you lost my game and there will never be round two
………
My own thoughts strangled me as my body refused to listen to my brain
To touch my skin felt like fire burning through my veins, fire that ignited my predator
Hopelessly sinking into the bed that became an ocean, water drowning me and continuously pulling me further down
………
She destroyed my innocence where
“playing house” meant I played victim
and she played the predator
But this body is my temple and you
did not receive an invite to my
house party
………
They had the power to take my dignity into the palm of theirs hands and crumble it up
We are told when we crumble up a sheet of paper, you can never make it the way it was before
………
He threw me over his shoulder like a
rag doll and brought me to the place that
was once “my room”and is now “my nightmare”
But this body is my temple and not for you to play
with like a doll you received on a holiday
………
Words disintegrating from my lips with the ashes of consent and destroying my trust for any human to touch my skin
Circling the drain of intimacy
………
They strapped me down and taught me
that crying meant I was “asking for it”
But this body is my temple and
my words are louder than your lies
………
I wear the damage on my heart
My body used against me more than the number of fingers on my hand
………
But this body is my temple and when I
broke free of your *******
my temple grew taller than
your hands could touch me
………
I am a crumpled sheet of paper escaping the hands of my predator
Sep 25, 2021
Sep 25, 2021 at 11:35 AM UTC
Why are all the beautiful things
In the world
Ephemeral?
They're short lived,
Here today and
Gone tomorrow.
Just like a beautiful flower.
That lives for only a day
Before disappearing,
Disintegrating,
Blown away
By wisps of the wind.
Apr 5, 2014
Apr 5, 2014 at 11:15 AM UTC
I can't forget it.
I promise that I have done everything to try.
But these memories continue to cloud my mind.
The air has never
been this cold.
All my youth has disappeared
and grown old.
All the flowers I planted have died,
and the birds sound the same,
and the stars have lost all their shine.
I can't help it if I don't know how to reach out for help.
I have always preferred the pleasure of isolation,
But this silence is torturous,
And now this crowded room I created is nothing but empty space.
All this past hope is disintegrating.
I use to hold my dreams close to my heart,
But now it's drowned out by all the tears I always held back.
I know I'm only an innocent.
But my body is a gun and
my body is a resting place for all medicines.
So let me tilt my head back until I lose count.
Now I fall asleep
Now all the candles are blown out.
Now I'm at peace.
Now I'm fine.
Now the only thing I suffer from is my mother's cries.
I'll wrap up my bones
And put them in His hands.
Don't worry, mom, I know the sound of my first heartbeat,
will always be engraved in you.
I know you heard angels sing my name.
They take me to a place where I am safe.
A place that is infinite.
A place in God's name.
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 10:50 PM UTC
Above my home where the dark clouds
curl into the sky clinging for a home to
rest their sleepy depiction, shadowed
trees hum sweet lullabies, lonely leaves
breathe in the sad song of fallen dimensions,
letting its lifeless view roll upon their frame,
the chilled breeze sailing in the skyline,
as I scramble my way out of a filthy dumpster,
a mountain of disintegrating mess covering
my broken body, hovering flies surrounding
sticky strips of spaghetti, moldy mashed potatoes,
and moldy chicken *** pies, while my mind sunk
into traveled thoughts, bruised hands pressed against
the creases in my forehead, allowing my existence
to feel the stranded scars streaming in various mazes,
dull eyes flushed with a burning disorder, aching cheeks
and chests nestled in darkening chamber corners, buried
hips and thighs uprooting in somber blades of grass,
thorned, torn, and destroyed in different worlds. As I stood
on the slippery pavement staring at the ruffled scenery
in my sight, spinning streetlights thickening into slouched
positions, screaming sidewalks spilling sadness and madness
in the drenched air, razor-edged buildings inching into crushed
centimeters, jumbled meters, ****** yards. I replayed the sober
images in my head, the way my young brown-skinned mom said
I would never amount to anything, how I could hear the raged
noun ****** sift into the distance, its flaming mechanics
accelerating into screeching sounds, the way she hurled
her fists at my smashed face, every vibrant language
breaking apart, slamming shut into closed infinites,
snagged contractions and gerunds diverging into
shuddering double spaced negatives, the way she threw
my lingering body inside the trash dumpster, her sharp
scarlet words, You are no son of mine, ricocheting off
savage surfaces, sparking my soul in a calamity
of choking diction.
Aug 8, 2018
Aug 8, 2018 at 1:04 PM UTC
Inspiration strikes a sadness in my mind
Lightening fires of truth so bright I go blind
Wide awake yet dreaming of another time
Another place where things used to be fine
But in the back of my mind, where that inspiration strikes, I feel alive and alone in the sadness that overwhelms me at times, surrounded by the dream floating behind my eyes uncontrollably, bouncing off my mind getting ideas of time and space and distances between two places, satisfaction and depression, a thin line rests between my eyes, like a target, the bullseye is my soul and it's slowly disintegrating with every shot, look and insult fired my direction.
I'm losing control.
And my dreams are gaining ground, taking over and my reality is lost in the background.
My soul can no longer hear a sound.
I think I've died.
I've tried to come back around, telling myself it'll be alright.
But I lied.
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017 at 6:37 PM UTC
Am I a crumpled sheet of paper in the hands of my predators?
We are told a crumble sheet of paper can never be the same again.
My own thoughts strangled my voice as my body refused to listen to my brain
“No” did not come out. Apparently my kicking was not enough.
To touch my skin felt like fire burning through my veins, fire that ignited my predator
I never knew a sensual touch could feel so haunting.
Hopelessly sinking into the bed that became an ocean, water drowning me and continuously pulling me further down
Maybe if I surrender my body it will go faster.
Words disintegrating from my lips with the ashes of consent and destroying my trust for any human to touch my skin
How can I let another be this close when all I feel is you again?
Circling the drain of intimacy
I remember what your hands felt like. What if theirs feel the same?
I wear the damage like an extra layer of skin
This is deeper than just *** How can I love again? How can I trust again?
My body used against me more than the number of fingers on my hand
Do I tell them? What if their afraid to touch me? What if I’m afraid to touch them?
They have to go.
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 12:32 PM UTC
They said pain is temporary
But I can feel my bones
disintegrating at a rapid pace
the more I think about your goodbyes
you keep sending me.
I can feel my blood
entering the veins to my brain
like a bullet train
the moment you wanted me
out of your life.
I can feel my breathe
reaching an unsteady,
erratic tempo as my pulse flutters
in my heart
the moment you said
you love someone else.
It has been 6 months exactly
since the the day you turned around
and never looked back.
But the pain is still here.
It's still destroying the **** out of me.
It's as if I would run out of breath
and collapse any moment.
Tell me.
How do you **** a feeling?
Jul 18, 2016
Jul 18, 2016 at 9:18 AM UTC
A figure in the distance
lives on a monetary hill
by siphoning off pensions.
An absence of motive
for this hellish apparition.
Grandiose a la mode,
Slaves to inattention.
Pace yourself
Take your drugs
Sign for help
Relinquish us
Pampering lifestyles
of dying and self-destructing ones
spiraling into the light
disintegrating amongst the dance of suns.
Because eyes are always watching
taking notes on what you've become.
Jul 24, 2014
Jul 24, 2014 at 12:00 AM UTC
what was once a galaxy
has become a minefield
of massive black holes,
and all our rocket ships
have crash landed
without taking us home.
lost dreams of flying,
mechanical wings,
intergalactic suffocation,
stars in glass jars
as souvenirs
just in case we got close
to the moon.
we took off as one,
our faulty parts disintegrating
upon reaching the exosphere.
turbulence, then nothingness,
a lack of closure,
and gravity
working in reverse.
Jul 20, 2018
Jul 20, 2018 at 1:47 AM UTC
Cannabis Cannabis
Are you my friend?
We've been asking this question
Since who knows when
From the bedroom
To the bathroom
To the den,
Sitting out on the porch
Or out on the back deck
Out by the cactus
Out in the pasture with the brook running through it
Or in
The redwoods ecstatic in the moving fog
With the walls closing in
To the poetry within,
Contentment, lethargic exhaustion, anxiety, with the music moving,
self consciousness exquisite,
ego disintegrating
Remembering, forgetting,
Remembering
Back again
Oh, cannabis cannabis
Are you my friend
We've had the dance
I can't deny
From stems and seeds
To Humboldt flower dispensary
Many stops in between
You've played with my mind
Sometimes I wonder who I would have been
Cannabis, oh cannabis
Are you my friend? (Old friend).
Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 12:09 PM UTC
the sky blushes at the sight of you
while the wind can't keep its hands away,
caressing
feeling
kneading/needing every inch of your delicate frame and together you dance through the dawn in an intricate waltz to music only you can hear
the sky blushes at the sight of you
while the clouds whisper sweet things about you,
gossiping
admiring
lusting over the concept that someone as beautiful as you might be able to one day love them too, but knowing you wont they disperse and clear your view to leave only the blushing sky in their wake with nothing left to hide behind
the sky blushes at the sight of you
while the moon attempts to catch one last glimpse of you
sneaking
stretching
peeking over the horizon to see just how beautiful a creature you are, but it can't stay long so it settles for the scrapes on your knees and the bruises on your knuckles and can't help but think that they only add to your unsurpassable beauty
the sky blushes at the sight of you
while you stare at the stars that are rapidly and seemingly altogether
fading
melting
disintegrating because the sky cannot help but stare back at the lovely soul that gazes above to make the sky wonder if it's pretty enough, so the sky goes through every colour to please you, black, blue, grey, purple, orange, before finally giving up in a fit of embarrassment that you always seem to find prettiest
the sky blushes at the sight of you
while you can't help to blush back
Mar 25, 2016
Mar 25, 2016 at 3:19 AM UTC
oh i can tell you why Brexit happened...
apparently in light of the European
i was not European enough,
a mongrel, a ******* Mongol...
eastern Europeans are Mongols,
mind you...
i'm pretty sure the Brexit vote
happened...
because the A8 joined...
when the Eatern European joined
the old post-colonial powers...
plenty of Pakistanis...
do i mind?
do i ******* care?!
i don't care...
you deal with: the minding!
no...
i have an inheritance tax
without any ceremonial
past...
your **** is your ******* ****
plus the Arab, and the curry...
**** off!
i'm no *******
*vierte ***** pussy-whip...
you ******* yo-yo oreo!
mind you?
put me down on this one...
i hate the Poles...
i ******* hate the Poles...
what they did to the Chernobyl me?
i hate the Polacks...
don't like them...
i'd rather spit
than talk to them...
i've learned my lesson...
i hate them more than
the Germans, or the Russians...
i hate them with the sort of hatred
reserved for
patriots...
Judas Priests...
i abhor the ****** catholicism...
it makes me... cringe...
then i think:
thickens the thong -
better than the Islamic
crap to mind making a boot...
Brexit only happened because
of the supposed invasion of the A8...
the Pakistani mobile gave off a jitter -
somehow the "excess" Europeans
migrated...
whites combined with
whites...
Europeans mingled...
big problem for the Pakistanis...
Brexit only happened because
"eastern" Europe joined the
*vierte *****
well... "joined"...
some of us had enough sense as
to keep the currency...
******* Pakistani bullshitters...
what?!
i thought English girls loved
being gang-rape-fucked?!
no?!
my bad...
the joining of the A8
disrupted the presence of Britain in
the EU...
thumbs up on the curry-sauce...
thumbs down on the Baltic
sauerkraut....
guess what?!
**** you!
you ******* British Empire
bonkers...
relief contra racism with an
Empire disintegrating!
wankers...
sure, beseech alliances
outside of Europe...
seek them, find them,
govern them...
the next time you come shoveling your
**** into my: awareness...
i'll be asking...
so... Rotherham...
no, not really... don't bother me
with that sort of ****
you deal with your ********
before shoving your ***** into my mouth
expecting me to gargle
on the produce...
you're closer to Pakistan
than i am to Mongolia...
you draw the the postcard...
i'll draw the pretty picture.
don't get me wrong, thought,
i hate the Polacks...
i don't belong between them...
i'd prefer to be strapped to a Hydra
of homeless dogs...
than exercise the humanity
of a shared tongue
with these... mongrels;
mind you... the British are just as
bad... when it comes
to their, mongrel stature.
Sep 17, 2018
Sep 17, 2018 at 6:54 PM UTC
He called me princess. I don't think much of it, let it slip my mind from time to time.
I'm fine with it.
Until today, when I watched a woman tell a little girl she wasn't one.
Talking about how her daddy shouldn't call her what she's not and her mama shouldn't be filling her head with words like, "You can be anything you want to."
Like, its not true and if you don't tell her now she'll never outgrow the idea of being
A princess.
And though Heaven forbid we dreams big,
I, was definitely a princess.
Princess Aleisia of the Beauties, a forest is my own back yard,
my castle was a tree I literally believed gnomes lived beneath: Alglenia.
An orphaned warrior; I was half gypsy, half native, half Neopian Light Faerie,
And though I clearly was not a princess who did math, I protected my subjects from monsters and evil that was constantly trying to overthrow good.
I could wield a Morning Star better than any boy on the block.
I had inner battles with myself, for I had the blood and horns of a dragon and it was always a challenge to be both Athena's apprentice and an aspiring sage because I thrived in the dark.
I was part demon like Inuyasha,
I was Sango,
I was Mononoke,
I was Mulan,
I was Pocahontas,
I was Bell AND the Beast,
I was Susan and Lucy,
I was Esmerelda, Anastasia
And that's still a big part of me.
Because, if someone had listed all the things I couldn't be while my knees were still to weak for me to stand and speak up for what I believed in, I probably would never have been a poet.
So excuse me for using the word "heroine" with the last ounce of innocence the world has yet to offer a little girl.
Pardon me for trying to learn to infuse grace and charm with strength and loyalty.
Now, imagine with me.
The places I used to play left in ruin. My castles disintegrating. The echo of my battle cries through the forests and fields and mountains have long since faded because the heir to my throne never took her place.
Deny her the right to grow out of her child hood?
Deny me the right to write?
This was never a career choice of mine,
This will always be a way of life.
Feb 3, 2013
Feb 3, 2013 at 4:45 PM UTC
There are clocks turning backwards
there are rights being lost,
you might think you’re unaffected
but things are worse than you thought.
For your wives and your daughters
are now property of the state;
they’ll be tracking their cycles
and they better not be late.
For your women are now watched
by the militarized state;
The old laws have been eradicated,
cause it’s freedom
the republican fundamentalists hate,
and like the Taliban, your freedoms they’re taking.
You better vote soon, before it’s too late,
cause your rights are disintegrating.
Come fathers and husbands
throughout the land
let’s give them an electoral beating
that they’ll understand
your vote is your voice
so please take a stand.
If the freedom of privacy's worth saving,
you better vote soon, before it’s too late,
cause your rights they’re eliminating.
Aug 29, 2023
Aug 29, 2023 at 9:37 PM UTC
In the dark we marked tattoos of
disintegrating constellations
on our rib cages,
our fingernails filled with ink.
We were told they would last
forever on 19 year old skin
when carved on the night where
each fallen brother of Sun kissed
our mid-August goosebumps.
The weight of our bodies
cut into the grass.
We came back the next evening to
watch these human Grand Canyons
sink deeper to Earth's liquid center
underneath flashlight flickers of an
approaching thunderstorm,
each bolt echoing on the hearts
of Lake Michigan fish.
The trees fell inside our craters
as we walked backward to my car,
fearing for our lives, but
immobile from each reaching meteor.
Perseus fell through Earth's granite throat,
parabolic melting of night sky.
Collapsed Big Dipper and Ursa Major
illuminated our chests
over shadow of dying white pine.
Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 6:30 PM UTC
Fire
Inside my lungs
Inside my throat
Smoke clouding my sight
I see no end
The flames are growing
With every blink
Tears flood my eyes
The fire is unscathed
All I see is red
The red from my soul
I scream
The fire is encouraged
My shrieks give the fire hope
Hope is unstoppable
I breathe in soot
My throat is disintegrating
Within my lungs
But not my heart
My heart fights back
The warrior of the body
No chance of giving up
The heart creates hope
Hope is unstoppable
The epic battle
The fire swings
The heart absorbs
The fire weakens
The heart does not
The heart becomes the fire
The heart prevails
The heart creates hope
Hope is unstoppable
May 19, 2014
May 19, 2014 at 9:56 PM UTC
You are the razor's glistening edge.
Slits across fingertips.
Yes, there will be bloodshed.
Blood from tips to wrists dripping and spilling from my veins.
It is not poetic.
So I'll clean up my own mess.
No nerves left to damage with the memory of you hardened, turned to stone,
stored in nails and soft hairs.
Locked away. No key in sight.
I have tried to unfurl these fists,
only to fumble around with the essence, the innocence, of lovers after.
These hands are cracked, wrinkled,
disintegrating.
Their untold stories turned to dust.
My palms no longer hold signs of a future.
They can do nothing.
Paralyzed by your pride.
Paralyzed by your edge.
Glistening.
A razor's edge.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 10:56 PM UTC
My emotions are attacking again
and this time I won't let them win
It's clear to God that the enemy
is waiting for me to sin.
Anger!
is the enemy's thrill for desire,
Depression!
it's the enemy's greatest obsession,
Fear!
is the music to the enemy's ears,
Pain!
is what brought up the enemy's gain.
I was ready to fight
but God refused
he grasped my hand so tight
that I couldn't move.
He grabbed my other arm
as he pulled me close to him
he told me to stop, yet
I wanted to hit the enemy
with every whim!
The Lord held me back
like an imate in a straitjacket
forbidding me to attack
or allowing me to get the first hit
He dragged me so far away
that the enemy sighed in a bore,
God whispered to me in my ear
he said: "Ignore!"
I kicked, screamed, plead
away from God to fight the enemy,
but it's no use after many attempts
he still won't let me leave.
"Ignore!"
he said as I began to cry
in a fearful dread
it's no use, so I gave up
and alow the enemy to
beat me up until I'm dead.
Few minutes later...
the enemy looked at me
very disgusted and confused
he screamed: "Get sad! Be angry!"
Silence
The enemy was fuming,
fire bursting out of his nose,
sweating through his forehead,
at this rate he was about to explode!
The enemy's heart gave out
he screamed again:
"Be angry...be upset! Do it now!"
Silence
His arms are disintegrating
His legs are inflated like a balloon
His mouth were turning to ash
He was doomed.
The enemy retreats
as I called him weak
it was funny to think
that I was like him,
because my silence
was surprisingly meek.
I have now learned
and understand that
it's better to say nothing
or lay a hand
on the enemy.
We should all ignore
for what the enemy
has in store because it
makes all the difference.
Therefore I will no longer
be his slave... no more.
Feb 15, 2018
Feb 15, 2018 at 11:06 PM UTC