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"disappearance" poems
to my darling who feels she's not: our separation is mere illusion. truly, your pain strikes me as i write this; your sensations of abandonment, and the decisiveness they have caused, bleed from my skin into the fibers of my clothes. i am no longer clean. i do not feel pure. to my severed arm and shortened tendons: destruction is merely another side of life. out of disappearance comes all things- without space, there would be nothing to contain us, nothing to allow and enfold our beings' spirits, and they would sputter and cease like my love's flame. i am no longer yours. i do not feel full. to the farthest star that my eyes can see: your light reaches me- i glimpse you! in the perceived emptiness between us there is no distance to be found; around us exists the infinite potential for further connection and deeper growth in closeness. i am no longer alone. i do not feel sorrow.
0
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 12:17 PM UTC
separation is just an illusion
*be ever gentle to thy words treat them, your tools, well, cleansing and protecting, wrapping them in cloths of chamois and moleskin that they may be well conditioned and pour forth with a temperament clear and viscous, reflecting their high honors and a noble lineage, they are well-intentioned to exist far longer than your meager temporal life, upon this ever hasty, ever perpetual, orbit give them all respect, their fair due, they are treasure immeasurable, for which you have been granted guardianship, custody received from others to be gifted onwards, yours, but for the duration so oft we trifle words, expel them from the country of our body, without passport and earnestness, as if they were the cheapest of footnote filler, day tourists, to be treated as leavings, refuse for daily discardation, barely noting their fast comings and faster disappearance, but leaving not, a mark of distinction more truffle than trifle, find them in the dark forest of your life, use them sparingly, just for soaring, take them from the roots of your trees, shave them with a paring knife, counts them in bites and measure them in grams, even in grains, for words are the seasoning of our lives, agent provacateurs that can modify the moment, bringing out to the fore the flavor of the underlying speak them slow and distinct, for they arrive slow to you, a trickling of refugees for your sheltering, harbor them as full companions, protected by natural law, provision them well, prepared and ever ready for a quick departure, moor them at the embarcadero, for the next restless leg of endlessness, which they themselves will inform you will last longer than eternity, long after there are no humans to speak them*
0
Oct 10, 2015
Oct 10, 2015 at 6:01 PM UTC
oh poet! be ever gentle to thy words...
*be ever gentle to thy words treat them, your tools, well, cleansing and protecting, wrapping them in cloths of chamois and moleskin that they may be well conditioned and pour forth with a temperament clear and viscous, reflecting their high honors and a noble lineage, they are well-intentioned to exist far longer than your meager temporal life, upon this ever hasty, ever perpetual, orbit give them all respect, their fair due, they are treasure immeasurable, for which you have been granted guardianship, custody received from others to be gifted onwards, yours, but for the duration so oft we trifle words, expel them from the country of our body, without passport and earnestness, as if they were the cheapest of footnote filler, day tourists, to be treated as leavings, refuse for daily discardation, barely noting their fast comings and faster disappearance, but leaving not, a mark of distinction more truffle than trifle, find them in the dark forest of your life, use them sparingly, just for soaring, take them from the roots of your trees, shave them with a paring knife, counts them in bites and measure them in grams, even in grains, for words are the seasoning of our lives, agent provacateurs that can modify the moment, bringing out to the fore the flavor of the underlying speak them slow and distinct, for they arrive slow to you, a trickling of refugees for your sheltering, harbor them as full companions, protected by natural law, provision them well, prepared and ever ready for a quick departure, moor them at the embarcadero, for the next restless leg of endlessness, which they themselves will inform you will last longer than eternity, long after there are no humans to speak them*
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46
A best friend is someone you tell secrets to, right? But what if it were the same person to hold you at night? As the sun goes down and the stars appear, It's that someone whom you tell your biggest fear. Your dearly beloved, whether a guy or a girl Suddenly becomes your whole world, And you laugh and you sing and you dance all around, As your best friend twirls you round and round And in the truth of the morning, everything is okay You see that your beloved is here to stay. Holding you tightly and never letting go All during the disappearance of the moonlight glow. And it is them you want to spend the rest of your life Alongside them, your dear husband or wife. And 70 years after you said "I do" You manage to say one last "I love you" Then you'll drift away to a heavenly sleep With the one who you love so deep. And eternal time you will spend together With your dearly beloved, always and forever.
0
Nov 3, 2013
Nov 3, 2013 at 9:57 PM UTC
Dearly Beloved --- AABB format
You were as stealthy as a slow gas leak, by the time i knew i was in love with you, i had succumbed to you. You were in the drivers seat of my car lighting a cigarette with the windows up so i could breathe you in. I quit smoking so your secondhand smoke was all you would allow. I watched as you brought the cigarette to your lips and dragged in as if your life depended on it. It was your third one today and i told you that you should stop, maybe breathe me in for a second. Do you know what i would give to become second hand smoke from your lips? All you would have to do is kiss me and i would vanish into thin air, become a noble gas in the periodic table but there is nothing noble about the element of disappearance. I have been shrinking away from you ever since you held my hand in that convenience store a year ago. I'm trying to convince myself to get over you because all i am to you is someone to **** slowly through your second hand smoke. I never knew I could get so addicted to nicotine until it came from under your tongue. When you're gone, it's hard for me to breathe which doesnt make sense because when youre here my lungs are filled with your sweet black tar. But you will be gone for months when you leave in two weeks. You said you'd write to me, but written words can't carry your second hand smoke. You can't build a home out of a human being, but that doesn't mean i cant find a home in your bed.
0
Jan 16, 2014
Jan 16, 2014 at 1:52 AM UTC
Secondhand Smoke
A widespread condition related to nutrition is lactose intolerance that is in essence the inability to digest and assimilate the milk sugar-lactose-the substrate that is acted upon by lactase- the specific enzyme over a period of time. This may happen suddenly and generally at any age most unexpectedly. Lactose intolerance is caused by the absence of the enzyme lactase that breaks down lactose to the simple sugars- glucose and galactose. The condition may be secondary,  congenital, or developmental. Secondary lactose intolerance invariably has its occurrence related to a gastrointestinal infection and its disappearance is linked to the causative factor’s correction. This type of intolerance- (certainly a nuisance) is reversible if we are a bit careful. Congenital lactose intolerance, an inherited form of intolerance, is a rare genetic  abnormality that one can unearth soon after an infant’s birth. This need not cause any fear as it lasts only half a year. Developmental lactose intolerance also known as primary  intolerance is one wherein the enzyme synthesis is progressively less during childhood and this persists into adulthood. Gita Ashok 24/10/2011, 2 pm
0
Oct 24, 2011
Oct 24, 2011 at 4:58 AM UTC
Lactose Intolerance
The saying is "Always live your life in the fast lane." But how can I do that if my life has faded like smoke through a keyhole? It is blank like a notepad on a little girl's desk. The girl who is constantly bullied for the Bell's Palsy that consumes her face. The notepad that sits on her desk that she has ripped pages upon pages upon pages out of. Pages that read words that are thrown at her everyday. **** ***** ***** loser. Pages that have drawings of her and that one guy she longs for, but that one guy longs for her disappearance. My life is like that blank note pad. The only thing it retains is it's last message telling the world "Goodbye."
0
Feb 22, 2014
Feb 22, 2014 at 9:00 PM UTC
Admiration
At some point in time she grew tired of thinking, tired of feeling. She couldn't leave the earth for the sake of the ones that she loved. Her pain enveloped her. She hurt in silence. Silence was her way of screaming. Crying for help. Hiding away, Wishing, Hoping, Praying -to a God she nor accepted or disputed- Just waiting for someone to notice her descent. If one person could be puzzled by her disappearance it could have made a difference. She laid in the darkness for days. Day after day She watched the time pass and h o p e d that it would soon be over. She w i s h e d that someone would stop her She P R A Y E D that her heart would stop Her pain and the darkness enveloped her. Tired of thinking. Tired of feeling. She just let go. She drew back into herself and began to drown. Sleeping, dreaming, imagining A better life, A significant existence. Not thinking about important things, Not feeling what there was to feel, Barely existing. Seeing that she had been let go of, she stopped Waiting- Wishing- Hoping - She stopped praying. She no longer cried. She became the darkness. She became the silence. She enveloped all.
0
Jan 5, 2017
Jan 5, 2017 at 5:14 AM UTC
What we become
No thought can grasp this ocean we enter in Holy embrace together. This Placeless place echoes a memory, unseen here, only Love carried in waves of light. Fingers soft as petals of Lilly lifting into infinity, touching gently, with the delicacy of a Lover bound by Heart to the Beloved. In Reverence you reach to meet the unseen song of no-thing as the One Heart opens, revealing fragrance mimicing the fields of Heavens on High. Sharing the feast of Heart boundless, awake waves of intoxicated bliss opening This as He decends upon, as your lips. Dancing under moonlight no eyes can see delighting in poem no words can speak. The ocean sings of Silence to the ship longing for shore washing away all sense of "two", all need for "more". We, ever becoming take off on a star heading for Truth and leave the sleeping and waking to the dreamers. The Lover's destiny is the union Absolute, following the inevitable, miraculous disappearance of the universe. Ocean and waves voyaged in Mind become worldless Void You and I, Boundless, Unborn Love
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Dec 3, 2017
Dec 3, 2017 at 12:39 PM UTC
Rising Lovers Ocean Journey
You died too young Your angels' voice Your deep deep sorrow Don't you know how I need you? You left too soon Your wicked heart Yourdrunk drunk love Don't you know how I need you? You are from the black gold era Black is for your melancholy Gold is for your inexpressible soul You said goodbye too young Your golden tears in the paradise Your rousing heartbreak Don't you know how I need you? You passed away too soon Your mysterious disappearance Your breathless dream brother Don't you know how I need you? You are from the black gold era Black is for your melancholy Gold is for your inexpressible soul You fell asleep too young Your American breath Your rootless trailer trash Don't you know how I need you? You gone to glory too soon Your curly dark hair Your heavenly muse Don't you know how I need you?
0
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 6:01 AM UTC
Black Gold
a quote of Bernard-Henri Lévy ~~~ the divers’ recovery, diverse, shipwrecked salvage from different locations, auctioned to the highest bidder, tho the excised excerpts are exceptional, none come to do the bidding, for the provenance of words belongs to all, and to none ~~ “so oft we trifle words, expel them from the country of our body, without passport and earnestness, as if they were the cheapest of footnote filler, day tourists, to be treated as leavings, refuse for daily discardation, barely noting their fast comings and faster disappearance, but leaving not, a mark of distinction” “the addicted pleasure words granted to we privileged few, like every enslaved soul to the mind, which I am, I am, evening dreams, midnight thinkings, sunrise seeings, how can I infect and thus protect the young to the liberty to love the crafted content of our human essence to better comprehend that a moment caught on tape of our shared words is a holiday, a celebration for the ages...and every molecule, becomes a human tuning fork in concert, in pitch identical, in blood tainted with the simplicity of we are all the same, only words, this will transmit” “murmur me, with soft downy charms, these words discovered recoursed and intended well to pointedly offset and contradict their very own tumultuous discovery uncovering, tear tongue me with calming, lapping word  wages, hymns harmonious and fine homilies, a call, a request, a bequest to sedate my shrill life “some cells, microscopic, preserved digitally, aged to imperfection, thrash my eyes, making me speak in tongues I do not recognize, but fluently possess, no wonder there, the memory place fairly empty, room aplenty for passerby's and the imagery                                                          ­ of the vaguest of dearly departed skin is not the only mot shed,                                                 sloughing of woeful words” “speak them slow and distinct, for they arrive slow to you, a trickling of refugees for your sheltering, harbor them as full companions, protected by natural law, provision them well, prepared and ever ready for a quick departure, moor these words at the embarcadero, for the next restless leg of endlessness, which they themselves will inform you will last longer than eternity, long after there are no humans to speak them”
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Mar 27, 2019
Mar 27, 2019 at 4:55 AM UTC
“diving into the depths of my words”
a quote of Bernard-Henri Lévy ~~~ the divers’ recovery, diverse, shipwrecked salvage from different locations, auctioned to the highest bidder, tho the excised excerpts are exceptional, none come to do the bidding, for the provenance of words belongs to all, and to none ~~ “so oft we trifle words, expel them from the country of our body, without passport and earnestness, as if they were the cheapest of footnote filler, day tourists, to be treated as leavings, refuse for daily discardation, barely noting their fast comings and faster disappearance, but leaving not, a mark of distinction” “the addicted pleasure words granted to we privileged few, like every enslaved soul to the mind, which I am, I am, evening dreams, midnight thinkings, sunrise seeings, how can I infect and thus protect the young to the liberty to love the crafted content of our human essence to better comprehend that a moment caught on tape of our shared words is a holiday, a celebration for the ages...and every molecule, becomes a human tuning fork in concert, in pitch identical, in blood tainted with the simplicity of we are all the same, only words, this will transmit” “murmur me, with soft downy charms, these words discovered recoursed and intended well to pointedly offset and contradict their very own tumultuous discovery uncovering, tear tongue me with calming, lapping word  wages, hymns harmonious and fine homilies, a call, a request, a bequest to sedate my shrill life “some cells, microscopic, preserved digitally, aged to imperfection, thrash my eyes, making me speak in tongues I do not recognize, but fluently possess, no wonder there, the memory place fairly empty, room aplenty for passerby's and the imagery                                                          ­ of the vaguest of dearly departed skin is not the only mot shed,                                                 sloughing of woeful words” “speak them slow and distinct, for they arrive slow to you, a trickling of refugees for your sheltering, harbor them as full companions, protected by natural law, provision them well, prepared and ever ready for a quick departure, moor these words at the embarcadero, for the next restless leg of endlessness, which they themselves will inform you will last longer than eternity, long after there are no humans to speak them”
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58
I look up at the starless sky Without the stars who should be there Sharing this moment with me This moment that hold no significance While I look, I miss the sky I miss the stars I miss the light they provide All that’s left is the moon All alone that poor moon is Glowing in the dark When it should be glowing in the light Just like me, alone when we should have others I feel the moon’s sorrow For I feel the same The empty sky is no place No place for either of us I wonder what happened Those poor little flecks of light One day here The next day gone Not a single word was said About their disappearance All forget about them Except for the moon and I Every night I would look Waiting for the stars to come back To see the moon no longer alone To see the sky back alight Every night I would look And ever y time I would despair For the stars are still gone And show no sign of returning I hear the moon weep The man on the moon weeps The tears silent But the sorrow is deafening After eons passed The stars did not return I waited, and so did the moon Finding comfort in each other’s presence There are some nights When the moon is gone And the sky is dark Missing the moon I detest those nights Fearing the worst That the moon had gone And joined the stars My fears never came to pass For the moon would always return At first a sliver Then it would all be back Even in the darkness of space The moon kept it bright A single candle in the darkness Burning ever bright I went out one night to see the moon That was my reason now For I knew the stars were gone But the moon was still there And on that one special night I realized with keep insight That not all the stars were gone That one was still left For the moon was not a candle But a mirror It reflected the light off another The light of the Sun I told the moon what I figured And the moon was joyous For not all the stars had left The Sun was still there And armed with that fact That one star was still there A glimmer of hope rekindled And I knew what I had to do I said farewell to the moon It knew what I was doing I left for the sky To bring back the stars
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Jul 25, 2010
Jul 25, 2010 at 8:00 PM UTC
Starless Sky
I look up at the starless sky Without the stars who should be there Sharing this moment with me This moment that hold no significance While I look, I miss the sky I miss the stars I miss the light they provide All that’s left is the moon All alone that poor moon is Glowing in the dark When it should be glowing in the light Just like me, alone when we should have others I feel the moon’s sorrow For I feel the same The empty sky is no place No place for either of us I wonder what happened Those poor little flecks of light One day here The next day gone Not a single word was said About their disappearance All forget about them Except for the moon and I Every night I would look Waiting for the stars to come back To see the moon no longer alone To see the sky back alight Every night I would look And ever y time I would despair For the stars are still gone And show no sign of returning I hear the moon weep The man on the moon weeps The tears silent But the sorrow is deafening After eons passed The stars did not return I waited, and so did the moon Finding comfort in each other’s presence There are some nights When the moon is gone And the sky is dark Missing the moon I detest those nights Fearing the worst That the moon had gone And joined the stars My fears never came to pass For the moon would always return At first a sliver Then it would all be back Even in the darkness of space The moon kept it bright A single candle in the darkness Burning ever bright I went out one night to see the moon That was my reason now For I knew the stars were gone But the moon was still there And on that one special night I realized with keep insight That not all the stars were gone That one was still left For the moon was not a candle But a mirror It reflected the light off another The light of the Sun I told the moon what I figured And the moon was joyous For not all the stars had left The Sun was still there And armed with that fact That one star was still there A glimmer of hope rekindled And I knew what I had to do I said farewell to the moon It knew what I was doing I left for the sky To bring back the stars
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80
It is tonight That I realize For the first time I am starting to forget you I am beginning to mix up pieces of the past Like undated polaroids In a box that is too big- I am not quite sure Where exactly they fit in I don't remember Your laugh very well I can only vaguely recall your smile I see it in updated pictures But it is not the same one I knew It is not the one that spent hours Folding into the crook of my neck Or humming against the curve of my spine The smile I see in pictures Is different The lips belong to someone I am unfamiliar with Someone I have never kissed And the once clear snapshots Of our moments Are now shaded over and blurry My biggest fear Used to be losing you My biggest fear now Is being unable to Remember you To have you stripped From my consciousness It is the reaccuring nightmare That wakes me suddenly In the midst of comfort I fall asleep to the same songs You used to sing to me But I don't even know the words anymore There is nothing more terrifying Than realizing You are moving on Nothing more frightening Than realizing you have to Eventually But I don't want to forget you I don't want to embrace Your disappearance from my thoughts I don't want you to evaporate Like the rain we used to sit under With our hands open To catch the remnants of summer heat I can still smell the air And feel your warmth breath on my cheek But the reality is I am starting to forget And I have never been more scared in my life This is not about Letting go This is about how memory Has the ability to shed its skin It has been so long That I am starting to forget how yours felt Against my own Your marks and your scars Your freckles Used to be my territory I knew exactly where they stood But now your body is a map I no longer know the coordinates to I used to take that path home Every single night But now I cannot even remember The route to get to your house You are slipping through the cracks Of my fingers And there is nothing That can be done to prevent it I super glued them together As tightly as I could But closed hands aren't good for much I wonder if the people I pursue can taste you On my tongue when I kiss them I keep you in my mouth Even if the sweetness is gone I don't want to erase you Completely You are fading like the end credits of a movie I have watched too many times I am trying to change the plot But I know that it cannot be done And realistically You have been away For quite a while now I would ask you to stay But my mind has already shown you the exit Most of you Has already left me And tonight I am wondering If someday the rest Will leave too Tonight I am hoping That if it does, It won't be anytime soon.
0
Dec 9, 2014
Dec 9, 2014 at 5:16 PM UTC
I Don't Want To [Forget You]
It is tonight That I realize For the first time I am starting to forget you I am beginning to mix up pieces of the past Like undated polaroids In a box that is too big- I am not quite sure Where exactly they fit in I don't remember Your laugh very well I can only vaguely recall your smile I see it in updated pictures But it is not the same one I knew It is not the one that spent hours Folding into the crook of my neck Or humming against the curve of my spine The smile I see in pictures Is different The lips belong to someone I am unfamiliar with Someone I have never kissed And the once clear snapshots Of our moments Are now shaded over and blurry My biggest fear Used to be losing you My biggest fear now Is being unable to Remember you To have you stripped From my consciousness It is the reaccuring nightmare That wakes me suddenly In the midst of comfort I fall asleep to the same songs You used to sing to me But I don't even know the words anymore There is nothing more terrifying Than realizing You are moving on Nothing more frightening Than realizing you have to Eventually But I don't want to forget you I don't want to embrace Your disappearance from my thoughts I don't want you to evaporate Like the rain we used to sit under With our hands open To catch the remnants of summer heat I can still smell the air And feel your warmth breath on my cheek But the reality is I am starting to forget And I have never been more scared in my life This is not about Letting go This is about how memory Has the ability to shed its skin It has been so long That I am starting to forget how yours felt Against my own Your marks and your scars Your freckles Used to be my territory I knew exactly where they stood But now your body is a map I no longer know the coordinates to I used to take that path home Every single night But now I cannot even remember The route to get to your house You are slipping through the cracks Of my fingers And there is nothing That can be done to prevent it I super glued them together As tightly as I could But closed hands aren't good for much I wonder if the people I pursue can taste you On my tongue when I kiss them I keep you in my mouth Even if the sweetness is gone I don't want to erase you Completely You are fading like the end credits of a movie I have watched too many times I am trying to change the plot But I know that it cannot be done And realistically You have been away For quite a while now I would ask you to stay But my mind has already shown you the exit Most of you Has already left me And tonight I am wondering If someday the rest Will leave too Tonight I am hoping That if it does, It won't be anytime soon.
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104
Freedom of the things that shake me I'm still stuck in the things that chain me The hurt that broke and changed me My heart breaks as they stare at me Selfish and selfless Broken and stolen I drown myself out as I scream from the cage I choke it down and add to my rage Help them to save myself from me It's so hard to be what they want me to be I stay in my head controlled by my exoskeleton Encased in a suit of skin that isn't mine It's scars aren't my own The voices whisper my disappearance Cutting me and screaming Hurting me and crushing my being Six feet under or walking the earth What does it matter if it always hurts
0
Mar 3, 2021
Mar 3, 2021 at 3:17 PM UTC
Schizophrenia
1 Screams in the night, Sleeping all day. Yelps of pain, And cries of anger. ****** torture, Mind disruption, Soul disappearance Tears in the light Screams in the night. 2 Terror through and through, Scared thoughts of pain. Living in sadness, Then despair, Life drained. Dark appears. Nothing left. All taken and blue, Terror through and through.
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Sep 20, 2018
Sep 20, 2018 at 11:33 AM UTC
Terror Through and Through - 2011
*** a knife in my chest, Not a day I rest. My anxiety is too high, I have not a clue why. They threw a book at my face, And expected me to work at their pace. All of a sudden work became too much to handle, I sit in mental agony, trembling with a melted candle. it seems unjust, unfair, To now have me decide; to fully care. I am baffled as to why there was a requirement, I feel trapped inside an isolated environment. Did they ask about my feelings? Did they wonder what I knew? Did they care I favored my abilities over theirs? Did they realize this much is true? The book beside me is relentless, It motions for me to work day after day, But I sit there with stress raging over me, Will I be okay? I try and I try, To greatly improve in this never-ending book of lies, For an outstanding score, And the disappearance of my sighs.
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Feb 20, 2013
Feb 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM UTC
"SATS"
Dissappeared as if a dark cloud decayed the body in a matter of miliseconds and disposed of it somewhere unknown.  Never did I see a single sign of being psychologically sick.  Not one piece of evidence to prove her existence. Multiple memories of her wither away slowly.  No discernment  to the delphian disappearance.  Very vague memories of her,  perhaps she was a vision.  Maybe,  just maybe my imagination  had gone too far with my mind. No! Her disappearance  was real;  but due to her irrelevance,   and exodus she was forgotten in the conscious  mind of others. Maybe its time that I finally forget about the phantom that haunts my memories, and makes me question my sanity.  Gone she is,  and gone she will be.  So the acknowledgment of her existence  is Irrelevant.  She is now,  and forever has and will be nonexistent. -V.H.
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Apr 21, 2014
Apr 21, 2014 at 2:51 PM UTC
The forgotten
across the pond, I lived off the diet of some 55 year old bachelor racing towards the past only, I looked forward to so much more than my mother's improved health. I would find books and read them laying them vulnerable and bare to my devouring mind. *(I swear to god, there's an approachable Minotaur among my grey matter.)* I skipped Barcelona with an alcoholic to research gay fascists and history's slaughter benches. I hand-wrote that paper just so I could feel something at work besides strong coffee and false anxieties about projected moments. I raised my hand, countless times in foreign classes with tobacco residue creased to my sheet paper. While others slept or day-dreamed about the pigeon **** outside *but I smiled at the professor, & mommy and daddy sent them capitalist notes with the appearance of life.* I met a girl, who got to know me through all five senses, at once. Speaking more languages than half this world is aware of, I danced til my flight departed and I knew which city was my favorite, because I knew nothing of it going in and having no expectations opens me like an oyster whose made multiple pearls. I lost my scarf there, in Italy, a beautiful one with conversational brilliance falling to disappearance on my final night, after the rains of Tuscany had drenched away my need for movement and the winds of Ventotene had me sailing with men, I knew nothing of. *After I cried on the floor over the beauty of Hegel and Marx and fell into Nebulae of epiphanies.* across the pond, my life had verve.
0
Oct 21, 2013
Oct 21, 2013 at 10:10 AM UTC
Cigarette Packs, Eggs and Hard Bread
across the pond, I lived off the diet of some 55 year old bachelor racing towards the past only, I looked forward to so much more than my mother's improved health. I would find books and read them laying them vulnerable and bare to my devouring mind. *(I swear to god, there's an approachable Minotaur among my grey matter.)* I skipped Barcelona with an alcoholic to research gay fascists and history's slaughter benches. I hand-wrote that paper just so I could feel something at work besides strong coffee and false anxieties about projected moments. I raised my hand, countless times in foreign classes with tobacco residue creased to my sheet paper. While others slept or day-dreamed about the pigeon **** outside *but I smiled at the professor, & mommy and daddy sent them capitalist notes with the appearance of life.* I met a girl, who got to know me through all five senses, at once. Speaking more languages than half this world is aware of, I danced til my flight departed and I knew which city was my favorite, because I knew nothing of it going in and having no expectations opens me like an oyster whose made multiple pearls. I lost my scarf there, in Italy, a beautiful one with conversational brilliance falling to disappearance on my final night, after the rains of Tuscany had drenched away my need for movement and the winds of Ventotene had me sailing with men, I knew nothing of. *After I cried on the floor over the beauty of Hegel and Marx and fell into Nebulae of epiphanies.* across the pond, my life had verve.
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38
All along while you were sleeping beneath the gaze of a missing moon a light was lost, left us questioning a sunrise too late? or a sunset soon? There came tears, downward streaming it’s disappearance remained unknown only howling wolves remembering the night the moon, left the night alone They blamed dawn and dusk for stealing none dared to dream another dream all through the night of restless sleeping,   weeping was heard across the stream The night lamenting in search of light The wind blew lanterns flaming high the day was to be spent to make it bright by flicking fire to burn the sky till silver ripples appearing on the bay there a moon settles from a journey far returning home and on its way from the funeral of a falling star
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Jan 27, 2022
Jan 27, 2022 at 2:11 AM UTC
Moon mourning
Emptying one’s wallet for the family fee, Joining in linear solidarity with the crowd, Dripping profusely under the blazing sun, Creeping forward as if slower than a snail. Arriving at the moving beast’s head, Receiving envious glances from the tail, Stepping boldly forth at last, Following instructions. Strapping oneself into place, Shooting forward like a rocket into space, Spinning endlessly until quite dizzy, Screaming with sheer delight and fear. Dropping back to earth, Speeding faster than a thought, Leaving stomach far behind, Enjoying the absurdity of its apparent disappearance. Exhilarating, yet much too short, Seeking to repeat the thrill, Joining the waiting horde, Staring impatiently from the queue’s tail.
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Oct 27, 2018
Oct 27, 2018 at 9:01 PM UTC
Summer fun
Here comes the shadow not looking where it is going, And the whole night will fall; it is time. Here comes the little wind which the hour Drags with it everywhere like an empty wagon through leaves. Here comes my ignorance shuffling after them Asking them what they are doing. Standing still, I can hear my footsteps Come up behind me and go on Ahead of me and come up behind me and With different keys clinking in the pockets, And still I do not move. Here comes The white-haired thistle seed stumbling past through the branches Like a paper lantern carried by a blind man. I believe it is the lost wisdom of my grandfather Whose ways were his own and who died before I could ask. Forerunner, I would like to say, silent pilot, Little dry death, future, Your indirections are as strange to me As my own. I know so little that anything You might tell me would be a revelation. Sir, I would like to say, It is hard to think of the good woman Presenting you with children, like cakes, Standing in doorways, flinging after you Little endearments, like rocks, or her silence Like a whole Sunday of bells. Instead, tell me: Which of my many incomprehensions Did you bequeath me, and where did they take you? Standing In the shoes of indecision, I hear them Come up behind me and go on ahead of me Wearing boots, on crutches, barefoot, they could never Get together on any door-sill or destination- The one with the assortment of smiles, the one Jailed in himself like a forest, the one who comes Back at evening drunk with despair and turns Into the wrong night as though he owned it-oh small Deaf disappearance in the dusk, in which of their shoes Will I find myself tomorrow?
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2.3k
Sire
Here comes the shadow not looking where it is going, And the whole night will fall; it is time. Here comes the little wind which the hour Drags with it everywhere like an empty wagon through leaves. Here comes my ignorance shuffling after them Asking them what they are doing. Standing still, I can hear my footsteps Come up behind me and go on Ahead of me and come up behind me and With different keys clinking in the pockets, And still I do not move. Here comes The white-haired thistle seed stumbling past through the branches Like a paper lantern carried by a blind man. I believe it is the lost wisdom of my grandfather Whose ways were his own and who died before I could ask. Forerunner, I would like to say, silent pilot, Little dry death, future, Your indirections are as strange to me As my own. I know so little that anything You might tell me would be a revelation. Sir, I would like to say, It is hard to think of the good woman Presenting you with children, like cakes, Standing in doorways, flinging after you Little endearments, like rocks, or her silence Like a whole Sunday of bells. Instead, tell me: Which of my many incomprehensions Did you bequeath me, and where did they take you? Standing In the shoes of indecision, I hear them Come up behind me and go on ahead of me Wearing boots, on crutches, barefoot, they could never Get together on any door-sill or destination- The one with the assortment of smiles, the one Jailed in himself like a forest, the one who comes Back at evening drunk with despair and turns Into the wrong night as though he owned it-oh small Deaf disappearance in the dusk, in which of their shoes Will I find myself tomorrow?
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[voicemail] hello, father It's your daughter. This is the last voicemail I've decided to ever leave. I'm been having some difficulty in thinking that I'll succeed. It's been a while but I'm not here to catch up and reminisce. I simply have a story to tell and basically it's this. I started when I was fifteen. Single edge blades for shaving. I had found its other use and the feeling was amazing. Father where've you been? The answer doesn't matter to me. I've grown up and all the cuts have lead me to bleed out my empathy and letting scars heal with a special layer of apathy. You want to know what it feels like? I stay up way past my bed time. One mark before I start the climb. Dark thick liquid that feels like slime. Slow. Steady. Make the motion last a lifetime. I wonder what life would be like without me and honestly my disappearance is what really makes me happy. I've always really want to tell you that even though you haven't been here I think it's still okay to say I love- [beep]
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Mar 23, 2013
Mar 23, 2013 at 3:55 AM UTC
[voicemail]
Im sorry you had to walk all the way up now and then, i wonder: whats the world gonna be like when *your heart stops pumping with compassion and reality has lost sight of you* i don't really know but i think that I'll never synchronize to anything that brings me to my last day when will i have i to lose? ---------------------------------- cold creamer in my coffee. the steam, slowly deteriates & before my eyes. prior to its disappearance i got a quick and shallow glance at the scrauol as it is lifted into the air sublime was the way then in the murky November vapor I love what i have and all i have is giving me hindsight? zero to 100 percent . epiphany. some call it sin of gluttony im loving how much i am feeling it nasty cold december is tempting me and I'm needing a bit more rest than the amount you have given me but i didn't even think about leaving * i am loving my stay* ----------------------------------- not the intellectual property of i but instead cherubs drifting in the past
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Dec 14, 2013
Dec 14, 2013 at 1:36 PM UTC
Grace and I's *** Brownies and Poetry Nov. 27, 2012
Everyday I wake up with the storm in my chest No, you don't know nor understand I am okay or somehow I look okay My mind is clear, My heart in turmoil The knife in my hands ready to stab my heart out I am exhausted, yet I want to **** End not your life but mine. I am ambitious Sinner for her ambition Deserves nothing but a life sentence Behold, the disappearance of my presence Eyes are watching.... judging... Do I deserve their piercing gazes? Probably. I've let down the people in my life, The ones that really matters Now, I am surrounded of booming laughter Thy name, hold up to shame Ridiculed for trying to achieve a star so far I should have known that it's impossible to fly. This suicidal note is not for you It is for me, for I need to calm my nerves For I am holding the knife that is ready to rip my heart.
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Apr 27, 2018
Apr 27, 2018 at 6:04 PM UTC
Suicide note
The way the world sways. Every leaf left in place, its stance chiseled to each blade, an iteration of time; each tassel of seeds, thy bread, thy handmaiden; as breath on the brink of disappearance, becomes a wave become water; proportions so large so as to stagger the seasons— one winter questioning another. We listen. We listen as if musical ***** are tracing a giant sine wave across the dark mud flats. We watch it as if a rotted rowboat, its oars like two hands at prayer, is signaling a gesture of permanence towards the sky. The grass has turned from gray to blue to green. The tide washes in. A bell is rung. It’s as if the merry-go-round has turned it’s calliope on. What Lao-tse has said is true. The earth is a bellows. Use it. The grasslands bellow and glow. ©Jim Kleinhenz
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Feb 26, 2012
Feb 26, 2012 at 9:54 PM UTC
Grasslands