"disapates" poems
White powder
NO
its definitally not Flour
Clear bitter liquid
NO
It's definitally not water
Needle after needle
NO
Its definitally not a doctor's shot
All these addictions
All these Drugs
Swirlled around me
But I didnt touch them
I kept away
I had my own
Little White pills
NO
they aren't my ADHD medicine
Swallow them
Snort them
Take me away
Blissful numbness
To zoned out to think
Perfect sanctuary
The high
I could Fly
I was invincible
The Crash
the reality came back
with a harsh flash
Needing more pills
to keep the high strong
More and more
More
more
more
Suddenly
They are gone
Leaving me to my own Devices
My stomach turns agaisnt its self
Can't keep anything down
Twisting painfulling in knots
A Cold sweat breaks
Shaking so hard
can't think straight
I need them
I need them
I need them
Pray for death
Pray for pills
Pray for this to end
I need them
I need them
I need them
"oh she has the flu"
Stupid doctor
what do you know?
can't you see
my desprete need
My need for those little white pills
I
Need
THEM
Months go by
feels like eons
feels like I'm in hell
Without them I am plauged
by horror and pain
depression peaking
Slowly my body heals
My need dims
My need disapates
5
years
go by
Addiction no more
Dependent no more
Little pill free
But every now and then
I feel that itch
just below my skin
the itch for a pill
for the numbness it brings
Every now and then
No matter how sober
I will always be recovering
Because when you were addicted to pain meds
It's hard not to relapse
May 10, 2014
May 10, 2014 at 3:21 AM UTC
Little girl afraid of the beach
Gets in to the ocean
Without a peep.
Oceans warmth and creatures
Around her feet.
Then a tide comes nd wraps underneath
Pulling her in by her feet.
She gasps for air until her faced is submerged.
The air in her lungs slowly fades.
She feels even smaller .
The fight in her slowly disapates.
The ocean calms and spits her on shore.
But the weirdest thing is she fears the ocean no more.
She experienced it at its ugliest.
And survived.
Now the ocean seems so wonderful
And she is intrigued
She dives in again
Just to be taken in.
This time was worse she almost died.
You can say it was a fight for her life.
The ocean is still her favorite place.
Because conquering you're fear is an amazing feat.
Calms her panics her makes her insain.
The challenge the ocean gives the love she receives makes the bad times enjoyable
And the ocean makes her heart skip a beat.
Sometimes the things we fear the most turn out to be the greatest hardest but most precious things.
Dec 21, 2013
Dec 21, 2013 at 1:58 PM UTC
The summer is beginning to
Seep back into my sallow skin
As the crisp night air
Turns warm and fragrant
And the sky
Dirtied with light
Disapates back into
An eerie though
Strangely comforting displacement.
Always temporary,
Change remains scary.
But the uncharted territory
Can't always be complementary
To the days whims and desires.
Weeks may come and go
And I will remain uninspired,
But soon the summer breeze
Will come whispering again
To remind me
Of the tickle of anticipation
When ideas are all I have
And facts have yet to
Set themselves into any certain order
And I don't feel so old
And your body will block the cold
With sandy smirks
And drunken comfort
As we slosh together uncaringly
For a few nights out of the week
And maybe by and by
You'll mean something to me
Or maybe we'll just go with
"We'll see"
But either way you will come again with the summer
And again I'll see
if I can try to be happy.
3.25.15 C.e.M
Mar 27, 2015
Mar 27, 2015 at 11:02 PM UTC
Cedar armored walls.
Defined by addition.
These 4 walls are only limitations.
Multiplied by distance .
To equal a
Freedom cut down.
Chipped at with a dull ax.
Bring the house down.
Glory and drink in hand.
This carpet captures secrets.
The spills of wine and tears.
Stains on character.
This chair stands strong.
Faultered? Not today.
Antique like your bones.
Fragile pressure of air.
Pressing on your pores.
You light this room.
Presence of fireflies.
Light my will to the door.
Step into the world.
Through this lanterned heart.
Use your butterfly eyelashes.
Flick the snowflake.
Guide your melting steps.
Snow disapates into forever.
Your an angel through purity.
Lungs flushed of ability.
Stutter stepped stupid.
Beauty of freedom.
Nature flexing possession.
Captivated.
Jul 2, 2014
Jul 2, 2014 at 8:26 PM UTC
This place is Hell
The walls made of fire
The air is putrid smelling smoke
Its slowly suficating me
Breaking me down
killing me
from the inside out
This Place is Hell
Taking away my freedom
Taking away what is me
The floor is lava
Burning me
with every step I take
Trying to break my spirit
Succeeded
I am broken
My go lucky attitude disapates
****
Now I am just
a broken little robot
One of their creations
May 13, 2014
May 13, 2014 at 1:20 PM UTC
( )
( ^ )
^ | ^
|
( ^^^ )
^^ ^^
( O )
::::::::::::::::::::
tomorrow comes early
•
Every single one
Every child
( every daughter / every son )
• •
All the love
IN VAIN
/:/
Darkness rolling in
We cannot see a thing
/:/
Out on the street
Citizens MURDERED
by Policemen !
Amid the vows of silence that we have made
Amid the vast indifference that make us
•
I speak from a tiny soap box in the rain
//////
A voice that disapates quite uselessly
Amid the sounds of moaning lovers
And the war cries of personal impotent rage
/:/:/
Tomorrow shall come / we shall not
Only the dead
Only the weak faint image
Shall be here
Even these
Muted by ignorance
And our fear
Dec 5, 2014
Dec 5, 2014 at 12:20 PM UTC
be well my love
if you want it this way
our final scene
in this fairy tale play
take you bows, bid farewell
your memories of us disapates
across the street, in that shady place
you'll find your escape
as for me, i'll be sitting
stage right
dimming the lights
wondering whats left
but only for awhile
I know there be a new
light for me
this is not my final goodnight
Nov 3, 2017
Nov 3, 2017 at 8:43 PM UTC