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"dilapidated" poems
Somedays my thoughts shriek so loud that they congest the rest of my mind other days they chant lullaby's as if nothing traumatic has ever happened one moment i'm up the next im crumbling to my knees one or the other its consistent drowning with no one to rescue me I'm keen on telling myself its all in my head at times, but doctors tell me its all me but for gods sake do they realize what horrid phrases the voices scream? death would be so heavenly I long for the passing of sides im awaiting to go home where its all white and peaceful i have days where im so narcissistic; I swear I can commence the world as if every millisecond is a luxury of sighs and sounds at moments my dispute comes out so rapid all i get is crooked looks and mumbles some days, I love him other times I swear he's the devil in disguise during my manic episodes you spoke soft as if I was a fallen angle that was overflowing with life. You had mentioned a world that disculded me was a world you cannot exist in You said I influenced your heart to skip beats, that I saved you, I was your fresh air Once he witnessed myself during a dreadful episode you declared loving me was exhausting and space is what you desired for hell could i control this? he was the one isolated concept I could ever make my ******* mind up about I loved him; I love him he said that his devotion to me was similar to staring into a black hole but seeing the reflection of the delicate sunset it never made sense to him BUT HELL DID IT MAKE SENSE TO ME? when he stranded me, i couldn't help but dissolve in tears i was nowhere adjacent to happy but that's all I've ever comprehended my doctor says they've observed a change maybe its the sleepless weeks and collection of mood stabilizers consuming pills in hopes to not feel so ******* empty anticipating on my next manic episode waiting for the door to open to go home If I have learned anything from living with BPD it is im constantly dilapidated upon everything one day soon I hope to recover from this disorder that replicates a loud room without recognizing how loud it was and all I hear is the ringing in my ears that doesn't seem to have an end some day this will be over some day my lover will stay I pray to fall in love with another angel again
0
Nov 14, 2015
Nov 14, 2015 at 2:27 PM UTC
Living with BPD( Bipolar Disorder)
Somedays my thoughts shriek so loud that they congest the rest of my mind other days they chant lullaby's as if nothing traumatic has ever happened one moment i'm up the next im crumbling to my knees one or the other its consistent drowning with no one to rescue me I'm keen on telling myself its all in my head at times, but doctors tell me its all me but for gods sake do they realize what horrid phrases the voices scream? death would be so heavenly I long for the passing of sides im awaiting to go home where its all white and peaceful i have days where im so narcissistic; I swear I can commence the world as if every millisecond is a luxury of sighs and sounds at moments my dispute comes out so rapid all i get is crooked looks and mumbles some days, I love him other times I swear he's the devil in disguise during my manic episodes you spoke soft as if I was a fallen angle that was overflowing with life. You had mentioned a world that disculded me was a world you cannot exist in You said I influenced your heart to skip beats, that I saved you, I was your fresh air Once he witnessed myself during a dreadful episode you declared loving me was exhausting and space is what you desired for hell could i control this? he was the one isolated concept I could ever make my ******* mind up about I loved him; I love him he said that his devotion to me was similar to staring into a black hole but seeing the reflection of the delicate sunset it never made sense to him BUT HELL DID IT MAKE SENSE TO ME? when he stranded me, i couldn't help but dissolve in tears i was nowhere adjacent to happy but that's all I've ever comprehended my doctor says they've observed a change maybe its the sleepless weeks and collection of mood stabilizers consuming pills in hopes to not feel so ******* empty anticipating on my next manic episode waiting for the door to open to go home If I have learned anything from living with BPD it is im constantly dilapidated upon everything one day soon I hope to recover from this disorder that replicates a loud room without recognizing how loud it was and all I hear is the ringing in my ears that doesn't seem to have an end some day this will be over some day my lover will stay I pray to fall in love with another angel again
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58
They drove me across the country, from the busy city where we departed to intimate villages where they recessed, and spent a star filled, moonlit night singing songs, their bodies casting long, wavy shadows from campfires they huddled around. Just as I got too cold and my wheels couldn't turn anymore did they finally turn the spark plugs, revving and igniting my despair and sensitivity producing heat. Sometimes they pushed until I shoved and scraped my rubber on asphalt, on rocks, on sand, on boulders big and small, and I hit a flat-line; the air I could hold in no longer. They rode me into a forest whose undergrowth was as thick as a bears' fur during the winter, and redwood that spanned the horizon you thought it could pat the constellations. A forest teeming with life that one would react like Wendy from Peter Pan-- never wanting to leave Neverland. And I could see it in their soft faces and squinting eyes, bright and lit up with joy, every detail apparent as if I burst my headlights into high-beam, directly on them. It was there I ran out of gas and my engines parched for oil, from the endless adventure that was exhilarating and memorable. One could, as a result, easily forget responsibilities. There was no service or refill station nearby, so I was abandoned where I parked, flat tires, rusty hood, broken chassis, dilapidated suspension. I've proved my worth from when I was brought in and over time it wasn't enough. Only repairing, never maintaining.
0
Dec 15, 2014
Dec 15, 2014 at 2:11 AM UTC
The Walking Engine
"Stoner's Poem" I see your snapstories, I see your ask profile. I see how you comment and reply and flaunt your English skills. Trust me, I love your rebuttals, More than Biryani and the Lebanese pornstar. I see your Facebook posts, I see your WordPress, And I see, how you craft your poems flamboyantly, And then, and then, Pilfer my breath, And rob my me. Sometimes, just sometimes, Your deportment bewilders me, More than Lowry-Bronsted's theory. I see how you dance in the rain, Like "All, sin, tan, cos", do in my brain. I see how you frequent every segment of my cardiac muscle, And then desert it, like it's one of the many dilapidated constructions. My reminiscences about your thingness, Escalate me to a higher spiritual level, More than **** does. Oh, that smile, Oh, that look, Oh, the mystique in you. And again, I am writing of Love. And the pen doesn't seem to stop soon, For I have taken a greater risk, Than asking my friend about cathodes and anodes and electrolysis, while I took my last chemistry exam, When the invigilator was around.
0
May 14, 2016
May 14, 2016 at 3:55 AM UTC
Stoner's poem
And now there would come a time a swift sharp clock on the bed Blaring its little chime in between the hard bells Like an angry little arm Charming if not for the alarm And everyday I slap the face of it Like an unwanted ***** And she is silenced Quick unlike Said chick But I am a cruel guy and have no sense of wet and dry Nor cool or heat There's nothing bothering me Time just ticks off and I laugh at it But my cells divide and turn into little old protoplasmic men And yet I am not called upon them Because they are stupidly designed and I have no sympathy for arts and crafts No masterman who failing to raise his hand Clams up With such poor artwork Slap that ***** in the dilapidated sistan Now In San Francisco Where the alley streets stink of *** And the European facades are just that Crumbling Poopy And full of **** And what yet are they dreaming to be? The church that survived fire Great conflagration God didn't make a rainbow at the end of that, Now did he? He's a water-sign Dolt And water only jolts your mind When it scatters true light, Ain't that right? But it's all the same Just different hues And the news Isn't new Just Blaring and yelling And speeding television crews Riding their stories Up and down the many stories Trying to build a city of angels On a bituminous hill Shills No life skills And I walk the city streets with a ugly old leather Brief Casing the joints and rolling my own Unhappy and alone Kerouac and the dreams on the monangular input where the triangular avenues meet And he has no road While airplanes shake their jets on the tarmac and trebuchet into the air Going god knows where Seeing a new piece of the sculpted pinball Perpetually trapped in the machine How bout Nippon Or Hangujin Or Han Chinese Or Berlin Anywhere but when A little ways along the state Of "in" All these strange things
0
Aug 16, 2018
Aug 16, 2018 at 3:00 PM UTC
That ******* from Pastebin or 10it or whatever
And now there would come a time a swift sharp clock on the bed Blaring its little chime in between the hard bells Like an angry little arm Charming if not for the alarm And everyday I slap the face of it Like an unwanted ***** And she is silenced Quick unlike Said chick But I am a cruel guy and have no sense of wet and dry Nor cool or heat There's nothing bothering me Time just ticks off and I laugh at it But my cells divide and turn into little old protoplasmic men And yet I am not called upon them Because they are stupidly designed and I have no sympathy for arts and crafts No masterman who failing to raise his hand Clams up With such poor artwork Slap that ***** in the dilapidated sistan Now In San Francisco Where the alley streets stink of *** And the European facades are just that Crumbling Poopy And full of **** And what yet are they dreaming to be? The church that survived fire Great conflagration God didn't make a rainbow at the end of that, Now did he? He's a water-sign Dolt And water only jolts your mind When it scatters true light, Ain't that right? But it's all the same Just different hues And the news Isn't new Just Blaring and yelling And speeding television crews Riding their stories Up and down the many stories Trying to build a city of angels On a bituminous hill Shills No life skills And I walk the city streets with a ugly old leather Brief Casing the joints and rolling my own Unhappy and alone Kerouac and the dreams on the monangular input where the triangular avenues meet And he has no road While airplanes shake their jets on the tarmac and trebuchet into the air Going god knows where Seeing a new piece of the sculpted pinball Perpetually trapped in the machine How bout Nippon Or Hangujin Or Han Chinese Or Berlin Anywhere but when A little ways along the state Of "in" All these strange things
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68
i fight to peel each moment of pure stagnation off of me a tinnitus cacophony whines in my ears as my dilapidated fan keeps slow rhythm to the faucet drip minutes drag like molasses handcuffed to the daily lag groundhog day i escape into the forest running, the breeze caresses my face wildlife pries open my desperate eyes a spider’s web bends and sways in the wind fine strands of silver silk flow soaring they meld in crescent waves a butterfly glides gently by befriending gusts of air softly breathing in another tomorrow the conductor of the symphony with sculptor’s hands i cannot see whispers ever graciously life is not your enemy drink it in and let it seep drop your sword i’m molding thee ©2016janetaylor
0
May 6, 2016
May 6, 2016 at 4:58 PM UTC
sculpting
I sat by his bedside the day my father died. The cancer that had riddled his body and soul now had complete control. He fought kicking and screaming the night the men in white came to take him on his final journey like a great wildebeest struggling to get up on its front legs after being taken down by young lions. The way so many had said he probably would since he fought his way tooth & nail throughout his life from the very beginning. That night I sat on a chair at the foot of his bed staring out the huge ceiling to floor window of the medical centre at the many worlds hidden beneath thousands of rows of stationary lights and fluid winding rows of transient lights in-between and thought how the light of this window is just one of many thousands. At that moment it seemed more like just one tiny speck in the vast star fields worlds above this city of light. My father had spent most of his life just a short six-mile drive from here under the scattered lights of his hometown. He turned to me and asked, “That’s a big city. Where are we?" Dementia had claimed his mind ten or more years earlier. It slowly wound its way around his brain like a cocky snake handler being choked by a boa constrictor unawares. It seemed like it all caught up to his body. But it was good to see much of the bitterness and bad blood between us dissipated over the past decade. On that night compassion ruled the day. I could not say it then but it has been many years, where it seems compassion has forged with objectivity. In a lucid moment he looked around the hospital room bewildered as if he were a little boy who just woke up from a bad dream and asked, “How did this ever happen?" If only I could have told him. Sometimes the truth cannot be spoken or heard. All I could do then was sit by his bed and lean in close to his ear and sing softly his favourite hymns.  By morning his lifeless dilapidated body laid in the fetal position. His once ravenous mouth now forever frozen looked like a knothole in a twisted cedar tree. All I can do now is hang my head and think of how weak and frail we humans truly are. Like compassion forged with objectivity, weakness and frailty forges with fleeting moments of strength. We forge heroes out of these moments to tower above the pedestals the former is made of to somehow minimize the pain of this often denied truth.
0
Feb 16, 2017
Feb 16, 2017 at 11:40 AM UTC
The Day My Father Died
I sat by his bedside the day my father died. The cancer that had riddled his body and soul now had complete control. He fought kicking and screaming the night the men in white came to take him on his final journey like a great wildebeest struggling to get up on its front legs after being taken down by young lions. The way so many had said he probably would since he fought his way tooth & nail throughout his life from the very beginning. That night I sat on a chair at the foot of his bed staring out the huge ceiling to floor window of the medical centre at the many worlds hidden beneath thousands of rows of stationary lights and fluid winding rows of transient lights in-between and thought how the light of this window is just one of many thousands. At that moment it seemed more like just one tiny speck in the vast star fields worlds above this city of light. My father had spent most of his life just a short six-mile drive from here under the scattered lights of his hometown. He turned to me and asked, “That’s a big city. Where are we?" Dementia had claimed his mind ten or more years earlier. It slowly wound its way around his brain like a cocky snake handler being choked by a boa constrictor unawares. It seemed like it all caught up to his body. But it was good to see much of the bitterness and bad blood between us dissipated over the past decade. On that night compassion ruled the day. I could not say it then but it has been many years, where it seems compassion has forged with objectivity. In a lucid moment he looked around the hospital room bewildered as if he were a little boy who just woke up from a bad dream and asked, “How did this ever happen?" If only I could have told him. Sometimes the truth cannot be spoken or heard. All I could do then was sit by his bed and lean in close to his ear and sing softly his favourite hymns.  By morning his lifeless dilapidated body laid in the fetal position. His once ravenous mouth now forever frozen looked like a knothole in a twisted cedar tree. All I can do now is hang my head and think of how weak and frail we humans truly are. Like compassion forged with objectivity, weakness and frailty forges with fleeting moments of strength. We forge heroes out of these moments to tower above the pedestals the former is made of to somehow minimize the pain of this often denied truth.
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27
Cobalt. Gunmetal. Pastel. Powder. Forget-me-not. Out of all the blues, She has the eye color with no name The eye color that is slowly driving me insane. Who gave her the right? To have something so beautiful I see blue everywhere; In paintings, photographs—even the air There are no crayons that can capture it Not even color codes on computers can match her eyes Her eyes are the space between the rippling depths of the ocean and the shards of reflected sky They are the eyes that squint a bit as she smirks because she thinks she's sly No matter how much I glance to the left during lunch The color escapes my mind and simply becomes a concept In my thoughts frustration likes to roam If it weren't for the non-existent green, her eyes would look like sea foam But here is no green— Only hundred year old glaciers, rivers, and stormy skies I don't even know what blue is anymore As angering as they are, her eyes are still something I adore I'm tempted to just ask her what color they are, But that would mean that I don't pay attention To do so would be like mistaking a stranger for your dad Everyone will become apprehensive and think that I have gone mad Her placid gaze tends to bore through my shell I feel vulnerable— like she can see my dilapidated soul But I know that she means no harm; She is amiable and full of charm Who knew blue could mean so much And still be convoluted? Blue washes the shore with the push and pull of the tides Blue has managed to stain my thoughts and dye my insides
0
Dec 21, 2014
Dec 21, 2014 at 10:33 AM UTC
Blue
Cobalt. Gunmetal. Pastel. Powder. Forget-me-not. Out of all the blues, She has the eye color with no name The eye color that is slowly driving me insane. Who gave her the right? To have something so beautiful I see blue everywhere; In paintings, photographs—even the air There are no crayons that can capture it Not even color codes on computers can match her eyes Her eyes are the space between the rippling depths of the ocean and the shards of reflected sky They are the eyes that squint a bit as she smirks because she thinks she's sly No matter how much I glance to the left during lunch The color escapes my mind and simply becomes a concept In my thoughts frustration likes to roam If it weren't for the non-existent green, her eyes would look like sea foam But here is no green— Only hundred year old glaciers, rivers, and stormy skies I don't even know what blue is anymore As angering as they are, her eyes are still something I adore I'm tempted to just ask her what color they are, But that would mean that I don't pay attention To do so would be like mistaking a stranger for your dad Everyone will become apprehensive and think that I have gone mad Her placid gaze tends to bore through my shell I feel vulnerable— like she can see my dilapidated soul But I know that she means no harm; She is amiable and full of charm Who knew blue could mean so much And still be convoluted? Blue washes the shore with the push and pull of the tides Blue has managed to stain my thoughts and dye my insides
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32
i want you to beat me up real bad please please let me bleed completely before infancy clots at the back of my mind don't wait for me to be tired break me all at once grind my feelings into a powdery mess so that when someone enters our bedroom they slip on the floor and see a stretch mark-ed ceiling to not know pain but just how ironical numbness is                       and then hug me like you would a voodoo soft toy with the scratched leather wings of a bewitched witch who has seen it all sober but still can't tell a sheep's wool from snakeskin caress my dilapidated knees without once telling me to stand up on my own or for myself all i want from you is to **** me at dawn i'll know that i was loved enough or.... at least.
0
Aug 19, 2018
Aug 19, 2018 at 9:17 AM UTC
i want you to beat me up
In your place, I planted a golden shower. On the southern border Of a dilapidated, porous house. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. I used leaves that have decayed More than the usual As manure. I took handfuls of the sand, That was measured out For construction of the house, And spread over its base, Without any measure. I diverted the rain, That was flowing away lazily, To its base. ******* trembled As love swelled up within. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. I kissed every leaf, Without anyone seeing it. Its veins looked like yours, When I read them gently. And when the eyes welled up I made a ridge under them With my soiled hands. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. I will nurture it with love. I will fight with ants and beetles And even butterflies. If it ever droops, I will pamper it with sweet talks And pet names uttered in its ear. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. I will stand guard to it In rain and shine. I will tattoo on my palm Its green, branches and leaves. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. Tears Spittle ***** I will pour out the soul of life Just for it. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. In nights, when I really lose it, I will hug it and cry my heart out. I will shower it with kisses, Drenched with tears and spittle. I will lie down on its lap, When the eleven bells crumble. And when I feel naughtier I will close my eyes Get inside it And hide in there. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. One day, It will flower. And sing aloud, yellow yellow yellow. The wind, birds and all creepers around Will take up that song. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. One day. *** One day I will open my day With its sight And fade away to next life. It will wait for me Till the next life. *** ‘ When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive.’ A requiem sung at funeral of Christians.
0
Apr 12, 2019
Apr 12, 2019 at 10:31 AM UTC
In Your Place
In your place, I planted a golden shower. On the southern border Of a dilapidated, porous house. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. I used leaves that have decayed More than the usual As manure. I took handfuls of the sand, That was measured out For construction of the house, And spread over its base, Without any measure. I diverted the rain, That was flowing away lazily, To its base. ******* trembled As love swelled up within. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. I kissed every leaf, Without anyone seeing it. Its veins looked like yours, When I read them gently. And when the eyes welled up I made a ridge under them With my soiled hands. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. I will nurture it with love. I will fight with ants and beetles And even butterflies. If it ever droops, I will pamper it with sweet talks And pet names uttered in its ear. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. I will stand guard to it In rain and shine. I will tattoo on my palm Its green, branches and leaves. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. Tears Spittle ***** I will pour out the soul of life Just for it. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. In nights, when I really lose it, I will hug it and cry my heart out. I will shower it with kisses, Drenched with tears and spittle. I will lie down on its lap, When the eleven bells crumble. And when I feel naughtier I will close my eyes Get inside it And hide in there. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. One day, It will flower. And sing aloud, yellow yellow yellow. The wind, birds and all creepers around Will take up that song. When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive. In your place, I planted a golden shower. One day. *** One day I will open my day With its sight And fade away to next life. It will wait for me Till the next life. *** ‘ When it rains, Seeds sprout in the fields. When the bugle sounds, The dead come alive.’ A requiem sung at funeral of Christians.
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116
I am wrapped in her algid arms. I am lost in her evocative glare. I stand, environed by the Keres, Those dilapidated demons. Azrael, my craven shadow, clings To me as a vulture stalks its prey. Thanatos does each step possess Forward into this acidulous air. Fissured masks release languid screams That fall upon pallid faces that have Long since wilted in her Stygian womb. Enervated laughs drone in mangy ears. I stand on the periphery of this Asphyxiating cistern. I ambulate Across this sable field that shall Become the executioner’s blade.
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Jul 5, 2014
Jul 5, 2014 at 7:47 PM UTC
Nyx
In a dilapidated three-room hut I’ve grown old and tired; This winter cold is the Worst I’ve ever suffered through. I sip thin gruel, waiting for the Freezing night to pass. Can I last until spring finally arrives? Unable to beg for rice, How will I survive the chill? Even meditation helps no longer; Nothing left to do but compose poems In memory of deceased friends.
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3.8k
In A Dilapidated Three-Room Hut
going to the horror films at ten years old i wanted to be bitten by the vampire ladies you know the ones red brides from the netherworlds with heaving ******* divinities of evil with that dah look in silky white gowns a little messy from sleeping in the dirt culture vulture goth girls with upside down crosses slags all gauzy bats in the belfry deranged but after all they where dead and dreadfully appealing and I'm pretty fussy so what the hell they walked like floats in marshy air never touching the ground above frozen dark crypt terrains with twinkly bare feet and black high glossed toenails staring out of blood spilled eyes drooling cloudy mouth hollows and a yearning hungry countenance encouraging me to get closer to bite me all over pierce me with needly fangs puncturing little holes in tender me making me leak like bad plumbing until i sloped into the bog below of course, i was panicked all trembly but i had a big one for these evil shadowy ******* too so i thought yes no yes no yes no are you gonna **** me? i asked they drooled ooow okay, i thought is it gonna hurt? they shook there heads yes! and drooled real bad? i inquired further ah ha they lingered glaring drooling i guess, waiting for me to make up my mind oh okay anything for you you dark dreamy girls dilapidated queens of hell with ballet derrières "down and down I go round and round I go in a spin, lovin' the spin I'm in under the old black magic called love" after all at ten years old, i already knew i was a horror ***** and just a little turned on
0
Nov 29, 2017
Nov 29, 2017 at 11:58 AM UTC
HORROR ***** ...IM JUST A LITTLE TURNED ON
going to the horror films at ten years old i wanted to be bitten by the vampire ladies you know the ones red brides from the netherworlds with heaving ******* divinities of evil with that dah look in silky white gowns a little messy from sleeping in the dirt culture vulture goth girls with upside down crosses slags all gauzy bats in the belfry deranged but after all they where dead and dreadfully appealing and I'm pretty fussy so what the hell they walked like floats in marshy air never touching the ground above frozen dark crypt terrains with twinkly bare feet and black high glossed toenails staring out of blood spilled eyes drooling cloudy mouth hollows and a yearning hungry countenance encouraging me to get closer to bite me all over pierce me with needly fangs puncturing little holes in tender me making me leak like bad plumbing until i sloped into the bog below of course, i was panicked all trembly but i had a big one for these evil shadowy ******* too so i thought yes no yes no yes no are you gonna **** me? i asked they drooled ooow okay, i thought is it gonna hurt? they shook there heads yes! and drooled real bad? i inquired further ah ha they lingered glaring drooling i guess, waiting for me to make up my mind oh okay anything for you you dark dreamy girls dilapidated queens of hell with ballet derrières "down and down I go round and round I go in a spin, lovin' the spin I'm in under the old black magic called love" after all at ten years old, i already knew i was a horror ***** and just a little turned on
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71
It's late summer, too humid and hot to really do much of anything without having your t shirt sticking to your back like an extra layer of skin. that time of year when the air makes the city turn still- just for a second. if you don't freeze the frame, it'll be like it never happened. I'm lurking like a ghost in the woods, my blue hair glinting through the trees. I'm finding abandoned concrete jungles, broken skateboard decks and graffiti scattered like memories from when everything was okay. Sometimes, if I'm too sad, the universe lets me find a house. One that makes me gasp; one that turns the air get a little colder. I go alone, others tend to rush in, spray paint in hand, loud footsteps and rough voices echoing through the deserted hallways. I am always quiet, always still, i make sure to blend into the walls like i am breathing with the creeping ivy.   My heart is still searching for the place it will call home. I've seen a lot of dilapidated houses and i'm still searching, unable to find what I'm looking for. My heart found an apartment in yours. I never realized I was subleasing until someone better came along. Its late summer, and once a girl told me that it will get far worse before it gets better. Well, its getting bad again but I'm still breathing, so i guess that counts for something.
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Aug 5, 2015
Aug 5, 2015 at 5:17 PM UTC
August
The salted air elates a feeling of real real. And by real real, I mean the realist real there is.  Child like intuition and loss in present ecstasy Underlying a layered and angsted mind. I loved a psychopath as a best friend But finally  His confusion clawed at my chakras with convoluted and displaced passion  But on Protection Island  I feel Protected. Whether the next sunrise meets me through the dingy drapes of a budget hostel, awash in a strange and urban melancholy wrapped warmly on all sides Or on a windy beach with the blue flow of sparkled wash and distant cloud capped peaks and Dover-beacon ferries which remind me of novelty globes and my father The buzz of early morning travel as a child I will be fine. To lighten my load I hid The Dhamapada and St. Francis of Assisi in the hopes and faith that they would be left in peace blanketed in underbrush  Being peacefully caressed by ocean wind and the beautifully dilapidated wood-house  The protectors warm grin of welcome. I want to feel okay again And I feel like okay is finally waking up from her peaceful slumber  Returning from vacation to remind and comfort my unassured and pummeled mind Like a lover returning from a followed dream A long, warm embrace which says it all No words for I love you Just a feeling and oneness as old as the world itself.
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Sep 4, 2012
Sep 4, 2012 at 4:52 PM UTC
Protection Island
I ride higher Than your suicides You write:   Take me back, I’m sweetly reminiscing of Solar wings embracing celestial winds Sunsets of broken chords Summer's shattered sword Winter’s ornery Jaded blue jays Gray's vacant face I salute your honesty But blisters wrought on A calloused heart Cuts deeper Than the oceans' void Let me sleep whimsically With rotten melodies To keep me from Changing the tone of My stuttering dreams But, Soft, teeth speak Like broken branches On dilapidated trees And I’d spend Eternity In the chime of your White fire voice Or Those olive green Teasing eyes Keeping me sheepishly serene Whirling Weaving Into a timid peace      Yet our Crashing Tongues slam Into sour Suns Swallowing the seams of interconnectivity Scattering liquid beams of entropy I forget those days we Wasted on the morbid Memories
0
Jan 3, 2011
Jan 3, 2011 at 10:03 PM UTC
Blackhole beauties
I dreamt of you last night. I was following the railroad tracks into town. But it was different, run down, dilapidated abandoned. I wandered into a shop and there you were behind the counter. We hugged. I told you that I had always loved you. We walked back down the railroad tracks into dreams.
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Sep 18, 2011
Sep 18, 2011 at 12:56 PM UTC
The Railroad Tracks
Squalid off-white cube fluorescent buzzing hue water stained tiles tribulation from digital files dilapidated symbiote invisible hungry parasite optimism capsized in the abyss tedium tongue french kiss five hours a month forest bathing in the sun a cure they say nature is a gateway shambling down trails languid gait sails fractal patterns surround tweets in background head starts to clear wondrous frontier five hours a month soaking in the sun not enough time to melt away grime five hours a week leaves a happier physique summer sea breeze rolling over unease basking in the heat leaving is so so bittersweet return to human farm pray for fire alarm nature is a gateway natures my getaway
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Sep 20, 2018
Sep 20, 2018 at 8:52 AM UTC
The Nature Fix
when i was thirteen i remember whenever i went over to a friend's house who had a sort of get-together with a whole ton of other kids about once a month i'd sit on the rug in their basement with twenty other teenagers looking at socks. there are ten kids in my family and two ****** parents and we had a whole bathtub full of socks and if you could find two that actually fit you were golden never mind matching or nice and white... and sitting looking at all the other kids' socks i felt like **** they had the nicest whitest socks you ever saw and mine were grey worn dilapidated specimens that i'd dug out from the very bottom. and somehow i decided that this was a failure on my mother's part that she didn't keep our floors clean enough or she didn't wash my socks right and so i spent my thirteenth year feeling like **** over socks and today i was folding some socks (do you fold socks? i dunno how it works. whatever) and i was looking at them colorful silly but grungy still and the white ones still grey and i thought well i don't have a mother anymore and my socks still aren't white and nice i guess that's one less ****** thing in my life i don't have to blame her for anymore another nice thing is that i don't give a **** about socks
0
Mar 1, 2013
Mar 1, 2013 at 3:59 PM UTC
19 3/4 years of ****** socks
I am from first impressions as shaky feet grip unstable rock. The path winds endlessly in front of you with unsure direction. Moss devours the cool, ancient limestone. A satisfying crunch echos with each determined footstep over dried and fallen leaves. Sometimes not knowing where you are headed leads to the best destinations. I am from beauty everywhere. For what is not beautiful in it’s own dilapidated way? Certainly the sun, setting over silent waters in a rainbow of peaches and soft yellows, is astonishing. But is not the misshapen tree, aged and withered with time, as pleasing to the eyes? Time has beaten and bruised it, and it still stands proudly, bearing every single perfect imperfection, for the world to see. I am from adventure. Standing somewhere that no one has stood. Seeing something that no one has seen. Living something that no one, not a single person, has lived before you. I am from a rocky cliff face. With water slowly deteriorating nature’s well-seen splendor. It seems that too many have made their way into the daunting dark cave, squealing with childish delight as they fly off the unsteady ledges. Yet every time you see it, it manages to feel like you are the first one who has ever set foot in that cool sea-cave. I am from blend out, not in. I am from water and time carved boulders. Not one the same as the next. Beaten by the endless undulating waves from an ever-full lake. Each one has a story a few million years long. Each fracture, crack, hole, scratch and blemish is just another page to a book still being written. I am from what is the difference between ordinary and extraordinary? That little extra. I am from that little extra. I am from a warm spring night. Just listen. Can you hear it? Every lonely frog croaking, every peanut guzzling blue jay singing, every leaf dancing in the tender breeze has a story. Every footstep, every tree, every rock, every grain of sand, every soft wind has a story. I am from I never want to put down this book.
0
Sep 3, 2012
Sep 3, 2012 at 10:59 PM UTC
I Am From
I am from first impressions as shaky feet grip unstable rock. The path winds endlessly in front of you with unsure direction. Moss devours the cool, ancient limestone. A satisfying crunch echos with each determined footstep over dried and fallen leaves. Sometimes not knowing where you are headed leads to the best destinations. I am from beauty everywhere. For what is not beautiful in it’s own dilapidated way? Certainly the sun, setting over silent waters in a rainbow of peaches and soft yellows, is astonishing. But is not the misshapen tree, aged and withered with time, as pleasing to the eyes? Time has beaten and bruised it, and it still stands proudly, bearing every single perfect imperfection, for the world to see. I am from adventure. Standing somewhere that no one has stood. Seeing something that no one has seen. Living something that no one, not a single person, has lived before you. I am from a rocky cliff face. With water slowly deteriorating nature’s well-seen splendor. It seems that too many have made their way into the daunting dark cave, squealing with childish delight as they fly off the unsteady ledges. Yet every time you see it, it manages to feel like you are the first one who has ever set foot in that cool sea-cave. I am from blend out, not in. I am from water and time carved boulders. Not one the same as the next. Beaten by the endless undulating waves from an ever-full lake. Each one has a story a few million years long. Each fracture, crack, hole, scratch and blemish is just another page to a book still being written. I am from what is the difference between ordinary and extraordinary? That little extra. I am from that little extra. I am from a warm spring night. Just listen. Can you hear it? Every lonely frog croaking, every peanut guzzling blue jay singing, every leaf dancing in the tender breeze has a story. Every footstep, every tree, every rock, every grain of sand, every soft wind has a story. I am from I never want to put down this book.
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10
On the day Liz Taylor died, CNN called Larry King out of retirement to eulogize her during the mornings breakfast segment. Tears were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, TEPCO stated that one of the Fukushima nuclear reactors was on fire. Tears of cataclysm were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, government officials warned that Tokyo's water was contaminated with radiation and was not fit for infants to drink. Tears of anguish were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, the crew of the USS Ronald Reagan scrubbed the deck clean of TEPCO radiation. Tears of worry were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, Oregonians rushed out to buy potassium iodine tablets to counteract radiation poisoning. Tears of affliction were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, NATO forces continued to fire missiles and drop bombs on Libya. Tears of agony were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, a terrorist bomb exploded in Jerusalem, killing one and injuring many. Tears of vengeance were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, the Syrian Army fired on demonstrators calling for reforms. Tears of hostility were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, The USA Today reported that during the past decade the population of Detroit declined by 25%. Tears of loss were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, a dilapidated brownstone in Philadelphia collapsed; city officials expect many more to occur. Tears of distress were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, President Obama cut short his Latin American trip by skipping a tour of Mayan ruins. Tears of dismay were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed up 67.39 points. Tears of joy were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, Elton John dedicated the song, Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me to the memory of his departed friend. Tears were shed. You Tube Music Video: Elton John, Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me Lewes DE 3/23/11 jbm
0
Feb 27, 2013
Feb 27, 2013 at 2:23 PM UTC
The Day Liz Taylor Died
On the day Liz Taylor died, CNN called Larry King out of retirement to eulogize her during the mornings breakfast segment. Tears were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, TEPCO stated that one of the Fukushima nuclear reactors was on fire. Tears of cataclysm were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, government officials warned that Tokyo's water was contaminated with radiation and was not fit for infants to drink. Tears of anguish were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, the crew of the USS Ronald Reagan scrubbed the deck clean of TEPCO radiation. Tears of worry were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, Oregonians rushed out to buy potassium iodine tablets to counteract radiation poisoning. Tears of affliction were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, NATO forces continued to fire missiles and drop bombs on Libya. Tears of agony were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, a terrorist bomb exploded in Jerusalem, killing one and injuring many. Tears of vengeance were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, the Syrian Army fired on demonstrators calling for reforms. Tears of hostility were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, The USA Today reported that during the past decade the population of Detroit declined by 25%. Tears of loss were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, a dilapidated brownstone in Philadelphia collapsed; city officials expect many more to occur. Tears of distress were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, President Obama cut short his Latin American trip by skipping a tour of Mayan ruins. Tears of dismay were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed up 67.39 points. Tears of joy were shed. On the day Liz Taylor died, Elton John dedicated the song, Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me to the memory of his departed friend. Tears were shed. You Tube Music Video: Elton John, Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me Lewes DE 3/23/11 jbm
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92
We met through a latched gate down a straight concrete path With flowers and grass on either side To a white cottage with a Thick thatched roof. To the right of the front door Was a climbing, yellow,’ Chelsea’ rose. The garden was an orchard of tenderness with Five elderly leaning apple trees bearing fruit. And David Austin roses in a variety of colours Many wild and cultivated flowers grew and plentiful Of bird song. Roger and I sat together at a small Table and chairs And were given a delightful meal Of chicken and vegetables Followed by ice cream and mixed fruit salad After resting with cups of tea I wandered round the garden to see all the Beauty of this wilderness and a boat in a large Rather dilapidated shed Later to be rebuild into a fine garage of Original Suffolk stone and two wooden doors. Our time together was very precious to me. Filling in much that I had heard about, but Never encountered, from a very dear relative. In the afternoon we went into Bury St Edmunds central To see the Cathedral, Abbey Gardens, with resplendent Flower beds frequently replenished in an abudance of colourful changes and the antiquated book shops. The day was concluded with strawberries and cream in the Park sitting on a bench in the sun. We had a long journey back to Watford. I never forget this day so unusual was it Made by my friend. Love Mary xxxx
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Jan 28, 2019
Jan 28, 2019 at 4:51 AM UTC
Meeting a friend.
A leaf spirals downward, Over covered heads and uncovered cars, Children sleeping in grass Drool dripping from their gums, A football field seeing practice Where someone's leg Was recently snapped in half, Overflowing sewer grates, Dilapidated septic tanks, Wastewater disposal facilities With a runoff into A river filled with needles and rocks And bodies, And it hits the ground with a silent explosion, Until the wind sends it off and sets it somewhere out of sight. Like when a glass bottle Shatters on a bar top and Sends shards soaring Into the eyes Of onlookers, Everybody knows what's next. Did you hear? Fall is here. The boy who starves so that he may be warm And the girl who freezes so she may not starve Have a chance encounter And bask in mutual despondency. They share their warmth, And they share their food, And neither has enough of either. But even at their demise, The sun still goes up and down On the horizon, Painting a scene of ignorance Or apathy, And lying. The heat will dissipate soon, What with Winter coming, But it does not matter: Everything is already frozen.
0
Dec 27, 2011
Dec 27, 2011 at 6:49 PM UTC
Transitions
The rotting corpse of a dilapidated morning glory Waxes poetic in the dry summer air- Its wilted petals droop heavy With the subtle presence of something Close to the end, but of a different hue. A sweet yet sickly scent Engulfs the neglected shrubbery, That so gracefully collapses onto A rusted, barbed wire fence, Caving in beneath the heavy traces of morning dew Atop intricate spider webs and fallen leaves. Its bitter laments of despair Sound out to the iridescent moon, Cursing god in all his putrid grace. Somewhere in the night, the sad wail echoes Tumbling off canyon walls and over priced gas stations, Until all that's left is a hollow boom And the faint whisper of the Holy Ghost. The pagan wind  slowly creeps by, Pushing the flowers further down, Until their stems take on the silhouette Of the stooped backs of apologetic sinners, Face down at the altar, accepting their worthy penance. Dawn waits beyond the bend, Her seductive fingers trace the fragile outline Of the sleeping buds, blushing a faint pink The color of a newborn child- Beauty is only real within the tender moments Leading up to it's intricate destruction. Is this how it feels to exist? Beating up against forgiveness With bloodied palms, imprinted with the Wilted outline of an indifferent morning glory- Too alive to ever experience eternity, For, in accepting life, All else perishes.
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Jun 26, 2013
Jun 26, 2013 at 11:01 PM UTC
The love song of the Morning Glory
There's a certain kind That holds you hostage Way up there in the bleachers In a red-light district Cold and cheap It lures you because you're lurable Attach and you're stuck up there In a certain kind Of dilapidated ivory tower It's only later on When you're broken When the nights have woven Their history and the light Has drained Only when you're pushed out Only when you're shoved off Only then does the truth Begin to talk Until then it's been silent Though gradually loosing appetite For despair, denial, dilemma Only when unhooked Does that fierce, quite dismissal Begin to beg for something else Only then does A certain other kind Begin to go wild for itself You wonder how yourself Moldy and molting And mad with lies Had so deceived its own You wonder how If there is a god S'he coulda watched you bleed With self-betrayal And sat there idle While you slowly crumbled But admit it You were terribly cocky up there In the pink and belly-full ***** and hookered If G O D woulda spoken You woulda spit in the face of divinity And you probably did So that certain kind Watched and waiting For another Certain kind To choke the bejasus outa ya 'til you slowly faded to full stop And dropped to your knees To a certain other kind
0
Aug 23, 2017
Aug 23, 2017 at 6:12 AM UTC
A Certain Kind
Once, when morning was knocking on the dusky doors of night I heard dawn whispering sweet nothings in your diamond-studded ear as you slept on the satin sheets of silky slumber, my heart broke into myriad fragments of dilapidated dreams… On a sun-kissed seashore, while you swayed in a swinging hammock I saw the zany zephyr caressing your lustrous locks, my heart broke like a collapsed sand-castle and scattered into several spiral shells on the salty shore… As we walked hand in hand, the sky turned grey and we heard thunder! While rushing for a roof, I saw the flirtatious drops of rain kissing your coral lips, my heart broke into streaming tears and merged with the muddy waters on the boulevard… Yesterday – in the middle of the night I woke up and found moon fast asleep beside you on your feathery pillow, and my heart broke into scores of shooting stars and vanished in the extensive expanse of the cosmos… Copyright©2010 ~ Bharat B. Trivedi
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Jan 23, 2012
Jan 23, 2012 at 3:21 AM UTC
Heartbroken