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"diffidence" poems
During one of my recent internet travels, I came across a picture of a “minor”, posing with tinted lips and exposed ******* What got my eyes pinned were the thousand number of likes by virtually hooting “boys” and comments by other group of “gentlemen” telling her how to dress. HUMILITY: I have been asked to repeat the word too many times to recall what it means: the man on the subway cat-called and accused me of showing too much skin but instead of fighting back, I smiled because girls ought to be nice. I have been taught to survive by using my body as a swiss army knife, and I convince myself that there is protection in being polite. H-U-M-I-I am forgetting the rest. The smoke curled up from between his fingers and he blew out toxic, blurring my vision. I gasped and wheezed but I held my sneeze, I cannot slap him across his face. HUMILITY. So, I just pretended to cough, hoping he’ll feel ashamed. I have been trained to flutter my eyelash, clench my jaw at a whiplash and business school boys, who manifest success by refusing to take “NO” for an answer. And for every time his prying eyes scan down by body, as if rating my inexperienced assets on a scale of one to five, and every time his touch trails a chill down my spine, I wonder: Male kindness is so alien to us; we confuse it with seduction every time. HUMILITY: the quality of having a low view of one’s importance but, I fail to understand when did it become synonymous to diffidence; there is a subtle difference between papercuts and shattered integrity, holding hands and chaining souls, building houses and creating homes, humiliation rotting down to bones and humility. HUMILITY, have you spelled it too many times to know what it looks like?
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Sep 15, 2014
Sep 15, 2014 at 9:59 AM UTC
Humility
During one of my recent internet travels, I came across a picture of a “minor”, posing with tinted lips and exposed ******* What got my eyes pinned were the thousand number of likes by virtually hooting “boys” and comments by other group of “gentlemen” telling her how to dress. HUMILITY: I have been asked to repeat the word too many times to recall what it means: the man on the subway cat-called and accused me of showing too much skin but instead of fighting back, I smiled because girls ought to be nice. I have been taught to survive by using my body as a swiss army knife, and I convince myself that there is protection in being polite. H-U-M-I-I am forgetting the rest. The smoke curled up from between his fingers and he blew out toxic, blurring my vision. I gasped and wheezed but I held my sneeze, I cannot slap him across his face. HUMILITY. So, I just pretended to cough, hoping he’ll feel ashamed. I have been trained to flutter my eyelash, clench my jaw at a whiplash and business school boys, who manifest success by refusing to take “NO” for an answer. And for every time his prying eyes scan down by body, as if rating my inexperienced assets on a scale of one to five, and every time his touch trails a chill down my spine, I wonder: Male kindness is so alien to us; we confuse it with seduction every time. HUMILITY: the quality of having a low view of one’s importance but, I fail to understand when did it become synonymous to diffidence; there is a subtle difference between papercuts and shattered integrity, holding hands and chaining souls, building houses and creating homes, humiliation rotting down to bones and humility. HUMILITY, have you spelled it too many times to know what it looks like?
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45
Can't sleep, it's always the same. I get to my room, exhausted, lie in my bed, Close my eyes and the Sleepless Fairy decides to take the reins of the situation. Maybe if I go to my computer and surf for a while I could doze off. Maybe I'll go out and have a cigarette to calm the Fairy. No, this insomnia is different. I can't fix it with simple solutions. This wakefulness is not due to the anxiety of an exam, or the diffidence I have for that one girl I can't get out of my head. This insomnia is that small sparkle of uncertainty that has abounded my mind for a long time. That feeling of vagueness, of yearning. Yearning of what? I don't know. It is simply that feeling that I'm missing something, whatever it is. I go around the whole day in my mind, what am I missing? What am I forgetting? During the day I'm acquiescent, lucid, happy. But come night... time to go to bed. Time to perform the daily check for recent events. Catalog the occurrences with different feelings, accommodated to their respective memories. But there's something missing. I curse the Fairy and its 1001 tricks that keep me awake and conscious about that which is in the subconscious. Will the day come when the Fairy shows up no more? As long as that feeling is housed in me, like a parasite clogged on its new victim, the Fairy will keep visiting.
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Mar 29, 2013
Mar 29, 2013 at 9:19 PM UTC
Insomnia
The opposite of love, is indifference. Not anger, aversion, or hate. Accompanied by avoidant-detachment, And a silence that never abates. It can disguise itself in diffidence; Depressed by misery, for score. Sheltering who practice its persuasion, But leaving its victim longing for more. It looks like a promise that’s broken, It sounds like the melody of a lie. It tastes like a cocktail & bitters; It feels like a passion that died. You can’t see the damage from the outside; The wounds that scar from within. Until they manifest as an addiction, Or any overt kind of sin. Love faces the toughest of battles; Love outshines even the sun. Indifference regards nothing higher; And indifference will perpetually run.
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Feb 4, 2018
Feb 4, 2018 at 10:34 PM UTC
Indifference
They say we exist in rivers of fate Predetermine pathways we are imprisoned in Positions we were born for And to disturb or ignore such strings Would undermine the order of those things I say we are free form individuals With endless paths before and between us That the reason they want to bind us to fate Is because they want to blind us To the weight of our own power To makes us wait for divine intervention Instead of having us pay attention To our intentions and the intention of others The wealthy and religious classes Want to politically castrate men and women Till we are to impotent with diffidence Unable to make any sort of difference But that framework doesn’t fit this World that we seven billion strong have been gifted with We have more power then we know And it only grows when we explode And show it to everyone else
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Jul 17, 2015
Jul 17, 2015 at 6:27 AM UTC
The Empowerment
Lazing in an unbroken innocence; a whirled undersea, under me. Blazing tides taking hold of ambivalence a calm serenity sweeping through the boundless deep. An oceanic labyrinth, rolling in the shadows of the sea. Gazing past an apparent diffidence; a cold melody for remedy. Minding these subterranean incidents, my torn identity plunges in a swirling stream. An oceanic labyrinth, roaming in the dimness of the sea.
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Feb 20, 2024
Feb 20, 2024 at 1:49 PM UTC
Ocean
Peremptory forbearance, propounded. Heaven promiscuously recoiling in Secret, assoiling attainted diffidence; Perfidiously? Effusive wanton idolatry forcibly motivating outwardly, The cruelest ugliest creation that survives. The most beautiful creature alive inwardly putrescent- cascading relinquishing Evil; turning away casting, aside Hell. Eleete j Muir
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Nov 20, 2012
Nov 20, 2012 at 8:12 AM UTC
The Convocations Conclave.
If he were a canvas, My fingers through his dark hair Would be gentle whips of cornflower Or the shade of the southern shores Aching for sun kissed sands. The deep tint of the midnight hour Is the feel of my palm on his cheek; Unspoken words spark between our skin, Igniting as I am red phosphorus and he is sulfur. If he were a canvas, Our breathless laughter Is a warm canary radiating Across all the dark spaces we ignore Like solitary candles in suburban windows. Our hushed voices on the pillow Is the gold with which the sun shines; The reflection of my heart in his eyes Is silver like a glowing full moon. If he were a canvas, My lips gently grazing his forehead Are a soft powder pink, Like the petals of an awakening rose Or the shade of clouds draped in dawn But when mine meet his, amaranth. A ceaseless incandescence Of raw desire and a hint of diffidence From a flower seeded in our gray matter. When he touches my skin It’s in shades of pine and dandelion and wisteria And suddenly I see the painting Has covered the painter in romantic chaos And it is the apron they put on display.
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Dec 5, 2016
Dec 5, 2016 at 10:05 AM UTC
An Ode to a Magnum Opus
still alive just tilting at the windmills, is all benchmarks of perception rigged severe leaves fine human to stiff foe of the self complicit in this graceful, entrancing love yet hop in berate haste with hooded view no breach in hull of trust in the god queue of offerings some were bestowed beauty, others analytical science minds some oddly grabbed a great many handfuls of diffidence while others sat on loud but empty wind bags some come in last, if ever for tryst rewards but gain sweet prizes in discretion
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Sep 20, 2013
Sep 20, 2013 at 3:10 PM UTC
still alive
The brimstone quorum of Salvationism a dying paragon : Jettison of the Holy Cities Amiable concordance in Harness of attic faith salving Creations apostasy, Sealing Hells predestine fate, Witnessing Sins forfeitable Baptismal omni-shambles Clandestine of punic Earths Calvalcade beliefs; moving Adamantine Heaven Godwards And humanity froward Evolutionarily bona-fide Of credo. ELEETE J MUIR
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Jan 31, 2014
Jan 31, 2014 at 12:24 AM UTC
Attainted Diffidence.
Oceans of if's running rough yet smoothly, In a mind filled with diffidence and hesitance; Far-flung revelries of reveries in thoughts acquiescently, Yet a heart searching possibilities with such adamance. Piercing emotions fleeting through a murky surface, Lulling the deadened soul with such alluring beguile; Limerence spurned, suddenly pervading transient abyss, Denial in persistent negation of emotion's cavil. Depths of stolen glances seeking truth beyond words, Waiting for signs of undefined warm requitals. Beyond observations, I've only seen fjords; Chilly shoulders and disregarded affectionals. Force your eyes and heart, my presence descry; And let's have a dance until twilight and time recedes, For might've we not a chance again, not even in a scry. Lest make a foolish heart's wish finally give up and accede. Despite all eyes looking at us, Did you ever feel something special? Mistake my intentions not, I don't desire a fuss. But I only yearn to figure, if in your heart you've got a lovely fractal. To depths and beyond, I covet to seek. The precious brilliance of your cloaked human shades, Filled with beauty offering silence and meek; A plausible sanctuary for a soul as it ages and fades.
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Mar 11, 2015
Mar 11, 2015 at 10:27 AM UTC
To Depths and Beyond
35,088 feet over Nebraska,   (Nebraska-imagining me climbing a ladder, me upwards, Jacob’s angels coming down, off to a high school All Saints wrestling match in a cornfield town) a place not on my bucket list, just a blue bias of an eastern stater’s unknowns, a sure sign of how much he doesn’t know reading Patti’s slender volume “Devotion” slender like her body, some would call it a wiry woman's sparse but directed, connective, word-worshipping, old familiar strangers she delivers to you that you have never met, her phraseology striking me and strikingly beautiful simultaneous scan it and understanding instantaneous she asking, why do we write? her answers are fine copper wire threaded into a coil and I close it quick cause the loving ****** desire to plagiarize such an oddly gorgeous offerings is overwhelming; I feel the wire words piercing my temple, intending to emerge out the other side, a decorative symmetry, I don’t own my need to script some cursive on my smooth body parts, on my god-given papyrus, always at the ready, is a methadone itch, a dulling urge needy for fulfillment, that needs satisfying but me, soundly second rate, write like the flip side of a hit vinyl record, no one is expected to play, fulfillment meets futility thus the title is a modification of a Patti light touch my alchemy never made any gold and my present presence now over Iowa a reminder that my prescriptions are 1200  evacuations; they are negative commandments, proscriptions, not prescriptions do not write, do not wrong words with a middling diffidence, hide your face and put her words on a shelf above your head hard to reach, so you do not be tempted why do we write? “All seeking an emptiness to imbue with words.   The words that will penetrate ****** territory, crack unclaimed combinations, articulate the infinite.” Patti Smith disambiguation she relieves us of uncertainty my combinations over Waterloo, Illinois are ordinary smokestack gray, a spewing wastage, the angels conforming that my words Cain-fail, my confession meets no one’s standards, not even mine 7:07pm Central Time
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Mar 25, 2018
Mar 25, 2018 at 8:47 PM UTC
The Patti Smith Poems: The Alchemy of His Prescriptions
35,088 feet over Nebraska,   (Nebraska-imagining me climbing a ladder, me upwards, Jacob’s angels coming down, off to a high school All Saints wrestling match in a cornfield town) a place not on my bucket list, just a blue bias of an eastern stater’s unknowns, a sure sign of how much he doesn’t know reading Patti’s slender volume “Devotion” slender like her body, some would call it a wiry woman's sparse but directed, connective, word-worshipping, old familiar strangers she delivers to you that you have never met, her phraseology striking me and strikingly beautiful simultaneous scan it and understanding instantaneous she asking, why do we write? her answers are fine copper wire threaded into a coil and I close it quick cause the loving ****** desire to plagiarize such an oddly gorgeous offerings is overwhelming; I feel the wire words piercing my temple, intending to emerge out the other side, a decorative symmetry, I don’t own my need to script some cursive on my smooth body parts, on my god-given papyrus, always at the ready, is a methadone itch, a dulling urge needy for fulfillment, that needs satisfying but me, soundly second rate, write like the flip side of a hit vinyl record, no one is expected to play, fulfillment meets futility thus the title is a modification of a Patti light touch my alchemy never made any gold and my present presence now over Iowa a reminder that my prescriptions are 1200  evacuations; they are negative commandments, proscriptions, not prescriptions do not write, do not wrong words with a middling diffidence, hide your face and put her words on a shelf above your head hard to reach, so you do not be tempted why do we write? “All seeking an emptiness to imbue with words.   The words that will penetrate ****** territory, crack unclaimed combinations, articulate the infinite.” Patti Smith disambiguation she relieves us of uncertainty my combinations over Waterloo, Illinois are ordinary smokestack gray, a spewing wastage, the angels conforming that my words Cain-fail, my confession meets no one’s standards, not even mine 7:07pm Central Time
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39
You were blessed with a voice, One of power and brilliance-- Yet you still choose to sit in the silence? You were given words upon words & stance upon stance-- Yet I see not one sign of resistance. Oh my dear child, What is holding you back? Is it fear of shame? simple diffidence? Your speech is ammunition-- Your lips capable of deliverance more Powerful than the rifles of wars once long fought. Yet you still choose to sit in the silence? Oh my dear child, If only you knew. In a world plagued so greatly with censorship and shame, You’ve been blessed to speak freely as you choose. Under this flag of red, white, and blue, The only regulator of your speech (or lack thereof) Is you. Somewhere across the pond is another-- One just as bright and capable as you. But alas their tender head is still deemed naive & their gifts remain invariably at rest. Even now will you sit in the silence? Oh my dear child, Now do you see? Your ability to speak up is a privilege-- One of rarity and great worth. So cherish this blessing & Hold it close while you can. Because who knows? Just one policy and it could all be stripped free.
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Jun 29, 2019
Jun 29, 2019 at 2:50 AM UTC
in the deafening silence.
A life without roses Is one of indifference. There are no thorns to ***** off Or to impale the skin Love will no longer be sold At the last minute. Tall tales and epic romances Shall revolve around no sweeter bud My Mexican brethren Would have one less crop To sell near the highway, And yet nothing to offer Before the ****** The world is spared Another image to spoil Until it wilts away, A tragic component. Indeed, such a life Is perched in diffidence, But a life without you? My dear, unfathomable. -Juan Carlos Gomez
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May 30, 2013
May 30, 2013 at 2:43 AM UTC
A Life Without Roses
For Alonso, the day was sinking into dusk But for Dulcinea, her knight was rising. Long his lance’s shadow stretched And thus his stories, picaresque. He flaunts his tale of espionage, Purring silent and clandestine “there I sprung from camouflage and smote these vile leviathans!” “Oh, please don’t stop,” the gypsy cries draining doubt from starlit eyes From behind her fan of elegant slips She retracts the rivets to her lips. Alonso mounts the moment of his concupiscence to rescue the fair Dulcinea from her diffidence. But the windmills turn for our quixotic man Whose delusions are rescued by a chaste heroine. Years later a man was overheard in Cordoba… el estaba hablando con unas senoras “Oye musas, puedo decirte, he visto algunas cosas.” “…mi vida se salvo una noche estrellada por una mujer de gran belleza que volvio a las tablas de la fortuna aqui, en mi reino de Iberica…”
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Sep 27, 2014
Sep 27, 2014 at 1:20 PM UTC
Well. I can tell you, I’ve seen some things: The Tale of Don Quixote
So generous, thou, in reticence, To caste my cares adrift, Wondrous diffidence displayed In judging, now, this slight wind shift. That tender touched acidity In holding back thy scything hand, But a lancing of my sentiments Despite concessions planned. Bloodstain on the balcony Grey torment in the mind To miss the symptoms here, my friend, Those blue eye's would be blind, To wade in waters visceral Whilst smiling to the face Suggests a mind incapable Of compassion's gentle pace. Let waters flow beneath the bridge Let time caress the soul, Let detail's mass minutiae Bury ruffled thoughts of old But recall the blatant treachery, Keep keen that secret blade To exercise your perogative to Put right the ****** wrongs made. Marshalg @theBach Mangere Bridge 22 May 2010
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May 22, 2010
May 22, 2010 at 9:36 PM UTC
Perogative
I love this moment where time has slowed down Your fingers learn to take a flight just micro-millimeters above the ground And the earth, she quivers when you are so close Yet not, not yet...sinking into my skin But I love this, how love flows Your lips merely touch my eyelids falling with the weight of diffidence To my sigh, my warm breath falling on your neck You smile as a consequence I love this moment The vibration of your voice reverberates through your chest as it invades my palm, as I silently rejoice It flows through and meets the synchronicity of my beating heart Oh how my name gets new meaning when it flows from your warm lips still exuding the fragrance of love I love how your gaze rips me apart into mere bubbles in the universe How your soul kneads into mine And are we even you and I anymore? I love how your existence echoes every time How I fail to decipher which thoughts belong to you and which are mine Do I love you or do I love my reflection in you? Or do I love the reflection of your reflection in me, that mirrors through you? What substance is this love? I know not, but I know I love this moment I wish, though, I could live this moment even when I opened my eyes
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Mar 2, 2017
Mar 2, 2017 at 2:58 PM UTC
Here & Now
Trapped in my world, But I am totally free. A fence all around, Not one you can see. I am not gagged, But cannot speak. My voice is clear, I want no one to hear. In my insecure way I see, A daunting world looks at me. Shy timid they would say, Looking at me I looked away. As a child I was accepted, In adulthood it is not expected. Now managing some control, But still I hide my console. This is how I live my life, I have a family and a wife. Love they show in every way, Still I feel diffidence every day.
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Sep 15, 2011
Sep 15, 2011 at 4:40 AM UTC
Diffidentce
I know some things about dirt I shed my feathers many times just like a bird Daring Always daring never preparing for the fall I fly bold with a certain confidence but so very shy hold a truth to obedience when the voice tells me to abide holding evidence of bloodlust at night Maybe not a bird then but a bat when feeling a strong hunger for your crimson liquor in the dark I reach out to my monger won't you be my cherry picker I'll draw the night out and make the darkness stay longer I'll bite you and make your blood run thicker Yes See me still hiding a diffidence under this bold confidence But I'm not about pretense bird and bat, all the same I feel so very tense as it seems either I can tame Though I don't need defense and as you will see, I got no shame
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Sep 3, 2018
Sep 3, 2018 at 1:32 PM UTC
Crimson liquor induced thoughts
I ain’t perfect, I ain’t ever going to be perfect. As I try to break the curse, I put my hope on stoicism, until all the struggle corrodes, and all the hurt and tear evaporates.   I fail, when I do– I never shied the wisdom from failure. I fill in the courage to wake up every day, for a new beginning. I get up, I get out, I look close, and only at those, who never balk when they hit their low. As I challenge my norm, I fight every minute, every second to embrace the change. When my diffidence attempts to knock my spirit of endurance– I turn the light of hope into a fire of spirit, I turn the kicks of stall into the power of now, I turn the weight of surmise into the wings of reality. As I ascend–I reign as a queen, A queen, who'll never be defeated by defeat.
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Jun 13, 2018
Jun 13, 2018 at 1:49 PM UTC
A queen, who’ll never be defeated by defeat.
*Indifference lingering In the catacombs Of my mind Diffidence hissing Proclaiming it's presence Midnight's cold embrace As I stand On the precipice of probability.*
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Sep 4, 2014
Sep 4, 2014 at 6:40 PM UTC
00:41am
Whispering winds of solemn sorrow In the mundane hours of the night, Surmise the falsities of tomorrow, Spreading dark throughout the light. Preying upon the minds that dwell, With woven lies, a web so foul... Hark! The sounds of voices swell As the whispers rise into a howl. Soon settling the sorrow of the traveling fellow... He never could find his way, Strumming tomorrow like it were a cello, Snapping the strings in dismay. Who--alive for years, never did live, As his angst and diffidence cumber. Even the magnanimous can't forgive Missing dreams of untried slumber. Remnants of his tortured call Were swept away in the breeze. A feeble ripples arduous sprawl, Replaced by the fray of the seas. His idle mind tended to wander, Through yesterday's--before tomorrow, Distorted pasts of future's squander, Finding days from which to borrow.
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May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 11:39 PM UTC
The Idle Mind
They danced the bow, an ole' burning skiff; never taking his hands from her helm. Did he even blink? Blinded by the heat of her omnipotence. He tried to discern her face proximately; the impermeable remnants of the flame impaired his vision . Frère Charles couldn’t distill an elixir strong enough to manipulate his compass’s rationale. The ripest grapes, the deepest roots, her herbaceous lips; his soulless old boots laced with diffidence. A despondent moon, a tear, the asymmetry in her shadow. She, whom he blindly confided in, is painting a landscape of a fairytale. The lily’s blossom eternally, the dirt taste like chocolate, her oceans motions propagate love. When? He’ll never know. His imagination undulates in wildflowers, while she swims inauspiciously in stormy seas. Inevitably, a slave to the wave, he thank her forest for the oak he step. The old oak is opinionated, and charred. Heedless it seem, full mast against the wind; somewhere their currents will convene. A confluence relentless and unyielding; even Moses ponder.
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Mar 6, 2018
Mar 6, 2018 at 11:26 AM UTC
ever so often
Without a second thought She casts a shadow— To reign down upon his lot, Still waters; cold and shallow. Struggling in her web he’s caught, Left hanging in the gallows. His heart—all but left to rot, Her perception of him, fallow. He tilled the fields of thought With acre upon acre of roses. Untying even the toughest knots So loves door never closes. He didn’t care if it were for naught, An intrigue that never dozes, But broke when he missed his shot, A lonely bard in a field of roses. She did not see him in such grace To look past his imperfection, Nor climbed the wall to see his place Of fervent—lasting affection. In a world of chatter he sat— In eerie prolonged silence, To love but not be loved back, She drowned him in diffidence.
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May 23, 2018
May 23, 2018 at 1:05 PM UTC
A Love Fell Silent
Never stood A chance At romance, So you will never See me dance. I'm just a man With cold hands, or Better yet cold feet, If a woman were To approach me. © 2016 Brandon Antonio Smith
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Jun 2, 2016
Jun 2, 2016 at 7:09 PM UTC
Forgive My Diffidence
I am glad of who I am. I celebrate my difference From those who scam And lie, without diffidence, Meanwhile, they are godless And worship Mammon In the name of holiness; A practice that is common. Their sleepless nights And bingeing on Mylanta Belies their image of Santa; Their self-created fantasy Of being job creators When the money they create They keep, and put away Into offshore banking states. With no basis for pride. They can’t celebrate About what they are, They can only prevaricate; Hire companies to help them To look us in our eye, Smile in thousand dollar hairdos And capped teeth then lie. Not I. My armor is truth, Saying what and who I am And letting others know Their postures are flim-flam! And as long as they make money Nothing is commendable but wealth; They joyfully create a culture Where there is pride in stealth.
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Oct 18, 2017
Oct 18, 2017 at 12:41 AM UTC
GILDED FEET OF CLAY