"diffidence" poems
During one of my recent internet travels,
I came across a picture of a “minor”,
posing with tinted lips
and exposed *******
What got my eyes
pinned were the thousand number of likes
by virtually hooting “boys”
and comments by other group of “gentlemen”
telling her how to dress.
HUMILITY: I have been asked to repeat the word
too many times to recall what it means:
the man on the subway cat-called
and accused me of showing too much skin
but instead of fighting back, I smiled
because girls ought to be nice.
I have been taught to survive
by using my body as a swiss army knife,
and I convince myself that
there is protection in being polite.
H-U-M-I-I am forgetting the rest.
The smoke curled up from between his fingers
and he blew out toxic, blurring my vision.
I gasped and wheezed
but I held my sneeze,
I cannot slap him across his face. HUMILITY.
So, I just pretended to cough, hoping he’ll feel ashamed.
I have been trained to flutter my eyelash,
clench my jaw at a whiplash
and business school boys,
who manifest success by refusing to take “NO” for an answer.
And for every time his prying eyes
scan down by body,
as if rating my inexperienced assets on a scale of one to five,
and every time his touch trails a chill down my spine,
I wonder:
Male kindness is so alien to us; we confuse it with seduction every time.
HUMILITY: the quality of having a low view of one’s importance
but, I fail to understand
when did it become synonymous to diffidence;
there is a subtle difference between
papercuts and shattered integrity,
holding hands and chaining souls,
building houses and creating homes,
humiliation rotting down to bones and humility.
HUMILITY, have you spelled it too many times to know what it looks like?
Sep 15, 2014
Sep 15, 2014 at 9:59 AM UTC
Can't sleep, it's always the same.
I get to my room, exhausted, lie in my bed,
Close my eyes and the Sleepless Fairy
decides to take the reins of the situation.
Maybe if I go to my computer and surf for a while
I could doze off. Maybe I'll go out and have a cigarette
to calm the Fairy. No, this insomnia is different. I can't fix it
with simple solutions.
This wakefulness is not due to the anxiety of an exam,
or the diffidence I have for that one girl I can't get out
of my head. This insomnia is that small sparkle of
uncertainty that has abounded my mind for a long time.
That feeling of vagueness, of yearning. Yearning of what?
I don't know.
It is simply that feeling that I'm missing something,
whatever it is. I go around the whole day in my mind,
what am I missing? What am I forgetting?
During the day I'm acquiescent, lucid, happy.
But come night... time to go to bed.
Time to perform the daily check for recent events.
Catalog the occurrences with different feelings,
accommodated to their respective memories.
But there's something missing.
I curse the Fairy and its 1001 tricks that keep me
awake and conscious about that which is in the
subconscious.
Will the day come when the Fairy shows up no more?
As long as that feeling is housed in me, like a parasite
clogged on its new victim, the Fairy will keep visiting.
Mar 29, 2013
Mar 29, 2013 at 9:19 PM UTC
The opposite of love, is indifference.
Not anger, aversion, or hate.
Accompanied by avoidant-detachment,
And a silence that never abates.
It can disguise itself in diffidence;
Depressed by misery, for score.
Sheltering who practice its persuasion,
But leaving its victim longing for more.
It looks like a promise that’s broken,
It sounds like the melody of a lie.
It tastes like a cocktail & bitters;
It feels like a passion that died.
You can’t see the damage from the outside;
The wounds that scar from within.
Until they manifest as an addiction,
Or any overt kind of sin.
Love faces the toughest of battles;
Love outshines even the sun.
Indifference regards nothing higher;
And indifference will perpetually run.
Feb 4, 2018
Feb 4, 2018 at 10:34 PM UTC
They say we exist in rivers of fate
Predetermine pathways we are imprisoned in
Positions we were born for
And to disturb or ignore such strings
Would undermine the order of those things
I say we are free form individuals
With endless paths before and between us
That the reason they want to bind us to fate
Is because they want to blind us
To the weight of our own power
To makes us wait for divine intervention
Instead of having us pay attention
To our intentions and the intention of others
The wealthy and religious classes
Want to politically castrate men and women
Till we are to impotent with diffidence
Unable to make any sort of difference
But that framework doesn’t fit this
World that we seven billion strong have been gifted with
We have more power then we know
And it only grows when we explode
And show it to everyone else
Jul 17, 2015
Jul 17, 2015 at 6:27 AM UTC
Lazing in an unbroken innocence;
a whirled undersea, under me.
Blazing tides taking hold of ambivalence
a calm serenity sweeping through the boundless deep.
An oceanic labyrinth,
rolling in the shadows of the sea.
Gazing past an apparent diffidence;
a cold melody for remedy.
Minding these subterranean incidents,
my torn identity plunges in a swirling stream.
An oceanic labyrinth,
roaming in the dimness of the sea.
Feb 20, 2024
Feb 20, 2024 at 1:49 PM UTC
Peremptory forbearance, propounded.
Heaven promiscuously recoiling
in Secret, assoiling attainted diffidence;
Perfidiously?
Effusive wanton idolatry forcibly
motivating outwardly,
The cruelest ugliest creation that survives.
The most beautiful creature alive
inwardly putrescent- cascading
relinquishing Evil; turning
away casting, aside Hell.
Eleete j Muir
Nov 20, 2012
Nov 20, 2012 at 8:12 AM UTC
If he were a canvas,
My fingers through his dark hair
Would be gentle whips of cornflower
Or the shade of the southern shores
Aching for sun kissed sands.
The deep tint of the midnight hour
Is the feel of my palm on his cheek;
Unspoken words spark between our skin,
Igniting as I am red phosphorus and he is sulfur.
If he were a canvas,
Our breathless laughter
Is a warm canary radiating
Across all the dark spaces we ignore
Like solitary candles in suburban windows.
Our hushed voices on the pillow
Is the gold with which the sun shines;
The reflection of my heart in his eyes
Is silver like a glowing full moon.
If he were a canvas,
My lips gently grazing his forehead
Are a soft powder pink,
Like the petals of an awakening rose
Or the shade of clouds draped in dawn
But when mine meet his, amaranth.
A ceaseless incandescence
Of raw desire and a hint of diffidence
From a flower seeded in our gray matter.
When he touches my skin
It’s in shades of pine and dandelion and wisteria
And suddenly I see the painting
Has covered the painter in romantic chaos
And it is the apron they put on display.
Dec 5, 2016
Dec 5, 2016 at 10:05 AM UTC
still alive
just tilting at the windmills, is all
benchmarks of perception rigged severe
leaves fine human to stiff foe of the self
complicit in this graceful, entrancing love
yet hop in berate haste with hooded view
no breach in hull of trust
in the god queue of offerings
some were bestowed beauty, others analytical science minds
some oddly grabbed a great many handfuls of diffidence
while others sat on loud but empty wind bags
some come in last, if ever for tryst rewards
but gain
sweet prizes in discretion
Sep 20, 2013
Sep 20, 2013 at 3:10 PM UTC
The brimstone quorum of
Salvationism a dying paragon :
Jettison of the Holy Cities
Amiable concordance in
Harness of attic faith salving
Creations apostasy,
Sealing Hells predestine fate,
Witnessing Sins forfeitable
Baptismal omni-shambles
Clandestine of punic Earths
Calvalcade beliefs; moving
Adamantine Heaven Godwards
And humanity froward
Evolutionarily bona-fide
Of credo.
ELEETE J MUIR
Jan 31, 2014
Jan 31, 2014 at 12:24 AM UTC
Oceans of if's running rough yet smoothly,
In a mind filled with diffidence and hesitance;
Far-flung revelries of reveries in thoughts acquiescently,
Yet a heart searching possibilities with such adamance.
Piercing emotions fleeting through a murky surface,
Lulling the deadened soul with such alluring beguile;
Limerence spurned, suddenly pervading transient abyss,
Denial in persistent negation of emotion's cavil.
Depths of stolen glances seeking truth beyond words,
Waiting for signs of undefined warm requitals.
Beyond observations, I've only seen fjords;
Chilly shoulders and disregarded affectionals.
Force your eyes and heart, my presence descry;
And let's have a dance until twilight and time recedes,
For might've we not a chance again, not even in a scry.
Lest make a foolish heart's wish finally give up and accede.
Despite all eyes looking at us,
Did you ever feel something special?
Mistake my intentions not, I don't desire a fuss.
But I only yearn to figure, if in your heart you've got a lovely fractal.
To depths and beyond, I covet to seek.
The precious brilliance of your cloaked human shades,
Filled with beauty offering silence and meek;
A plausible sanctuary for a soul as it ages and fades.
Mar 11, 2015
Mar 11, 2015 at 10:27 AM UTC
35,088 feet over Nebraska,
(Nebraska-imagining me climbing a ladder, me upwards, Jacob’s angels coming down, off to a high school All Saints wrestling match in a cornfield town)
a place not on my bucket list, just a blue bias of an eastern stater’s unknowns, a sure sign of how much he doesn’t know
reading Patti’s slender volume “Devotion”
slender like her body, some would call it a wiry woman's
sparse but directed, connective, word-worshipping,
old familiar strangers she delivers to you that you have never met, her phraseology striking me and strikingly beautiful simultaneous
scan it and understanding instantaneous
she asking,
why do we write?
her answers are fine copper wire threaded
into a coil and I close it quick cause the loving ****** desire to
plagiarize such an oddly gorgeous offerings is overwhelming;
I feel the wire words piercing my temple, intending to
emerge out the other side, a decorative symmetry,
I don’t own
my need to script some cursive on my smooth body parts,
on my god-given papyrus, always at the ready,
is a methadone itch, a dulling urge needy for fulfillment,
that needs satisfying but me, soundly second rate,
write like the flip side of a hit vinyl record, no one is expected to play, fulfillment meets futility
thus the title is a modification of a Patti light touch
my alchemy never made any gold and my present presence now over Iowa a reminder that my prescriptions are 1200 evacuations; they are negative commandments,
proscriptions, not prescriptions
do not write, do not wrong words with a middling diffidence,
hide your face and put her words on a shelf above your head
hard to reach, so you do not be tempted
why do we write?
“All seeking an emptiness to imbue with words.
The words that will penetrate ******
territory, crack unclaimed
combinations, articulate the infinite.” Patti Smith
disambiguation she relieves us of uncertainty
my combinations over Waterloo, Illinois
are ordinary smokestack gray, a spewing wastage,
the angels conforming that my words Cain-fail,
my confession
meets no one’s standards, not even mine
7:07pm Central Time
Mar 25, 2018
Mar 25, 2018 at 8:47 PM UTC
You were blessed with a voice,
One of power and brilliance--
Yet you still choose to sit in the silence?
You were given words upon words
& stance upon stance--
Yet I see not one sign of resistance.
Oh my dear child,
What is holding you back?
Is it fear of shame? simple diffidence?
Your speech is ammunition--
Your lips capable of deliverance more
Powerful than the rifles of wars once long fought.
Yet you still choose to sit in the silence?
Oh my dear child,
If only you knew.
In a world plagued so greatly with censorship and shame,
You’ve been blessed to speak freely as you choose.
Under this flag of red, white, and blue,
The only regulator of your speech
(or lack thereof)
Is you.
Somewhere across the pond is another--
One just as bright and capable as you.
But alas their tender head is still deemed naive
& their gifts remain invariably at rest.
Even now will you sit in the silence?
Oh my dear child,
Now do you see?
Your ability to speak up is a privilege--
One of rarity and great worth.
So cherish this blessing &
Hold it close while you can.
Because who knows?
Just one policy and it could all be stripped free.
Jun 29, 2019
Jun 29, 2019 at 2:50 AM UTC
A life without roses
Is one of indifference.
There are no thorns to ***** off
Or to impale the skin
Love will no longer be sold
At the last minute.
Tall tales and epic romances
Shall revolve around no sweeter bud
My Mexican brethren
Would have one less crop
To sell near the highway,
And yet nothing to offer
Before the ******
The world is spared
Another image to spoil
Until it wilts away,
A tragic component.
Indeed, such a life
Is perched in diffidence,
But a life without you?
My dear, unfathomable.
-Juan Carlos Gomez
May 30, 2013
May 30, 2013 at 2:43 AM UTC
For Alonso, the day was sinking into dusk
But for Dulcinea, her knight was rising.
Long his lance’s shadow stretched
And thus his stories, picaresque.
He flaunts his tale of espionage,
Purring silent and clandestine
“there I sprung from camouflage
and smote these vile leviathans!”
“Oh, please don’t stop,” the gypsy cries
draining doubt from starlit eyes
From behind her fan of elegant slips
She retracts the rivets to her lips.
Alonso mounts the moment of his concupiscence
to rescue the fair Dulcinea from her diffidence.
But the windmills turn for our quixotic man
Whose delusions are rescued by a chaste heroine.
Years later a man was overheard in Cordoba…
el estaba hablando con unas senoras
“Oye musas, puedo decirte,
he visto algunas cosas.”
“…mi vida se salvo una noche estrellada
por una mujer de gran belleza
que volvio a las tablas de la fortuna
aqui, en mi reino de Iberica…”
Sep 27, 2014
Sep 27, 2014 at 1:20 PM UTC
So generous, thou, in reticence,
To caste my cares adrift,
Wondrous diffidence displayed
In judging, now, this slight wind shift.
That tender touched acidity
In holding back thy scything hand,
But a lancing of my sentiments
Despite concessions planned.
Bloodstain on the balcony
Grey torment in the mind
To miss the symptoms here, my friend,
Those blue eye's would be blind,
To wade in waters visceral
Whilst smiling to the face
Suggests a mind incapable
Of compassion's gentle pace.
Let waters flow beneath the bridge
Let time caress the soul,
Let detail's mass minutiae
Bury ruffled thoughts of old
But recall the blatant treachery,
Keep keen that secret blade
To exercise your perogative to
Put right the ****** wrongs made.
Marshalg
@theBach
Mangere Bridge
22 May 2010
May 22, 2010
May 22, 2010 at 9:36 PM UTC
I love this moment
where time has slowed down
Your fingers learn to take a flight
just micro-millimeters above the ground
And the earth, she quivers
when you are so close
Yet not, not yet...sinking into my skin
But I love this, how love flows
Your lips merely touch
my eyelids falling with the weight of diffidence
To my sigh, my warm breath falling on your neck
You smile as a consequence
I love this moment
The vibration of your voice
reverberates through your chest
as it invades my palm, as I silently rejoice
It flows through and meets the synchronicity
of my beating heart
Oh how my name gets new meaning
when it flows from your warm lips
still exuding the fragrance of love
I love how your gaze rips me apart
into mere bubbles in the universe
How your soul kneads into mine
And are we even you and I anymore?
I love how your existence echoes every time
How I fail to decipher which thoughts
belong to you and which are mine
Do I love you or do I love my reflection in you?
Or do I love the reflection of
your reflection in me,
that mirrors through you?
What substance is this love?
I know not, but I know I love this moment
I wish, though,
I could live this moment
even when I opened my eyes
Mar 2, 2017
Mar 2, 2017 at 2:58 PM UTC
Trapped in my world,
But I am totally free.
A fence all around,
Not one you can see.
I am not gagged,
But cannot speak.
My voice is clear,
I want no one to hear.
In my insecure way I see,
A daunting world looks at me.
Shy timid they would say,
Looking at me I looked away.
As a child I was accepted,
In adulthood it is not expected.
Now managing some control,
But still I hide my console.
This is how I live my life,
I have a family and a wife.
Love they show in every way,
Still I feel diffidence every day.
Sep 15, 2011
Sep 15, 2011 at 4:40 AM UTC
I know some things about dirt
I shed my feathers many times just like a bird
Daring
Always daring
never preparing
for the fall
I fly
bold with a certain confidence
but so very shy
hold a truth to obedience
when the voice tells me to abide
holding evidence of bloodlust at night
Maybe not a bird then
but a bat when
feeling a strong hunger
for your crimson liquor
in the dark I reach out to my monger
won't you be my cherry picker
I'll draw the night out and make the darkness stay longer
I'll bite you and make your blood run thicker
Yes
See me still hiding a diffidence
under this bold confidence
But I'm not about pretense
bird and bat, all the same
I feel so very tense
as it seems either I can tame
Though I don't need defense
and as you will see, I got no shame
Sep 3, 2018
Sep 3, 2018 at 1:32 PM UTC
I ain’t perfect,
I ain’t ever going to be perfect.
As I try to break the curse,
I put my hope on stoicism,
until all the struggle corrodes,
and all the hurt and tear evaporates.
I fail, when I do–
I never shied the wisdom from failure.
I fill in the courage to wake up every day,
for a new beginning.
I get up, I get out,
I look close, and only at those,
who never balk when they hit their low.
As I challenge my norm,
I fight every minute, every second to embrace the change.
When my diffidence attempts to knock my spirit of endurance–
I turn the light of hope into a fire of spirit,
I turn the kicks of stall into the power of now,
I turn the weight of surmise into the wings of reality.
As I ascend–I reign as a queen,
A queen, who'll never be defeated by defeat.
Jun 13, 2018
Jun 13, 2018 at 1:49 PM UTC
*Indifference lingering
In the catacombs
Of my mind
Diffidence hissing
Proclaiming it's presence
Midnight's cold embrace
As I stand
On the precipice of probability.*
Sep 4, 2014
Sep 4, 2014 at 6:40 PM UTC
Whispering winds of solemn sorrow
In the mundane hours of the night,
Surmise the falsities of tomorrow,
Spreading dark throughout the light.
Preying upon the minds that dwell,
With woven lies, a web so foul...
Hark! The sounds of voices swell
As the whispers rise into a howl.
Soon settling the sorrow of the traveling fellow...
He never could find his way,
Strumming tomorrow like it were a cello,
Snapping the strings in dismay.
Who--alive for years, never did live,
As his angst and diffidence cumber.
Even the magnanimous can't forgive
Missing dreams of untried slumber.
Remnants of his tortured call
Were swept away in the breeze.
A feeble ripples arduous sprawl,
Replaced by the fray of the seas.
His idle mind tended to wander,
Through yesterday's--before tomorrow,
Distorted pasts of future's squander,
Finding days from which to borrow.
May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 11:39 PM UTC
They danced the bow,
an ole' burning skiff;
never taking his hands from her helm.
Did he even blink?
Blinded by the heat of her omnipotence.
He tried to discern her face proximately;
the impermeable remnants of
the flame impaired his vision .
Frère Charles couldn’t distill an elixir strong enough
to manipulate his compass’s rationale.
The ripest grapes, the deepest roots,
her herbaceous lips; his soulless old boots
laced with diffidence.
A despondent moon, a tear,
the asymmetry in her shadow.
She, whom he blindly confided in,
is painting a landscape of a fairytale.
The lily’s blossom eternally,
the dirt taste like chocolate,
her oceans motions
propagate love.
When?
He’ll never know.
His imagination undulates in wildflowers,
while she swims inauspiciously
in stormy seas.
Inevitably, a slave to the wave,
he thank her forest for the oak he step.
The old oak is opinionated,
and charred.
Heedless it seem,
full mast against the wind;
somewhere their currents will convene.
A confluence relentless and unyielding;
even Moses ponder.
Mar 6, 2018
Mar 6, 2018 at 11:26 AM UTC
Without a second thought
She casts a shadow—
To reign down upon his lot,
Still waters; cold and shallow.
Struggling in her web he’s caught,
Left hanging in the gallows.
His heart—all but left to rot,
Her perception of him, fallow.
He tilled the fields of thought
With acre upon acre of roses.
Untying even the toughest knots
So loves door never closes.
He didn’t care if it were for naught,
An intrigue that never dozes,
But broke when he missed his shot,
A lonely bard in a field of roses.
She did not see him in such grace
To look past his imperfection,
Nor climbed the wall to see his place
Of fervent—lasting affection.
In a world of chatter he sat—
In eerie prolonged silence,
To love but not be loved back,
She drowned him in diffidence.
May 23, 2018
May 23, 2018 at 1:05 PM UTC
Never stood
A chance
At romance,
So you will never
See me dance.
I'm just a man
With cold hands, or
Better yet cold feet,
If a woman were
To approach me.
© 2016 Brandon Antonio Smith
Jun 2, 2016
Jun 2, 2016 at 7:09 PM UTC
I am glad of who I am.
I celebrate my difference
From those who scam
And lie, without diffidence,
Meanwhile, they are godless
And worship Mammon
In the name of holiness;
A practice that is common.
Their sleepless nights
And bingeing on Mylanta
Belies their image of Santa;
Their self-created fantasy
Of being job creators
When the money they create
They keep, and put away
Into offshore banking states.
With no basis for pride.
They can’t celebrate
About what they are,
They can only prevaricate;
Hire companies to help them
To look us in our eye,
Smile in thousand dollar hairdos
And capped teeth then lie.
Not I. My armor is truth,
Saying what and who I am
And letting others know
Their postures are flim-flam!
And as long as they make money
Nothing is commendable but wealth;
They joyfully create a culture
Where there is pride in stealth.
Oct 18, 2017
Oct 18, 2017 at 12:41 AM UTC