In the darkness of the night we were designed to be as bright as The stars spread across the spacious skies of Twilight.
Never knowing that from the outside we shined.
Our expressions mirrors our thoughts weather it be divine or unkind.
I guess thats why they say The face is the window into the mind.
And The eyes are the pathway to the soul
Playing  the most influential role
Filtering what our vision percieves because  it affects us as whole.
It has the power to control the thoughts flowing through our menatal.
Now I understand why its impoartant to look beyond the physical,
Its too seek what truth lies within realms of the spiritual.
As I Let my words be like water and flow from my lips as i give my confessional
I begun to get emotional
Because I went from Fighting battles Just as Joshua did in Jericho
To Being surrounded by a devasting tornado
Only to coming out on the other side and being Just as glorious as a rainbow.
While The Most High Sculpts and paints my portrait of life  better Than any famous artifacts crafted my MichealAngelo.
Or Even more creativie and colorful than any painting by vincent van gogh.
And more Illustration then what is depicted in the Last Supper by Leonardo.
Builted with Empathy, curiousity and strong willed like children of Indigo.
I am a Specially made Individual.
Made in his image therefore I am beautiful.
No longer am I a Embryo, I have been birthed from the womb in the spiritual.
Like A Sunflower flourishing from the seed that was planted in the meadow, I grow.
As I stay under my Savior's teaching, learning and applying what I know.

His Love and blessings are as Rivers that overflow.
The Holy spirit illuminates my body lighting a fire in the pit of soul as it ignites a fluorescence light to glow.
Awaken My sleeping soul.

you are not their definition of beauty.

they say that you are nothing more than your white, cracked bones
but they don't see the crystalblue sea that's flowing  inside your bones

they say, that you are nothing more, than your destroying cigarettes
but  they don't see the daisys, that grow in your lungs

they say, that your blood is nothing more than devasting alcohol
but they don't see, that it's that blood, that makes your lips more red, than a thousand roses on a sparkling springday

they say, that there are nothing more,  than braincells, ruinning through your head
but they don't see, the effervescent stars, and the sparkling snowflakes falling out of your eyes

they say that your skin, is nothing more than the faults and scars in it,
but they don't see the sunset, hiding under the first layer of skin.

*You are not their definition of beauty, you are not their definition of you.

There are days where triggers are around every corner,
They lurk in shadows where darkness spills heavy breaths and tight chests...
Anxiety is a devasting thing...
No matter how many times you're told to "Breathe," it feels as though you're being reamed by the neck
So short of air and despite every logical reason to remain calm the feelings isn't the reality we all know that, but
You feel like a ship without a sail in the middle of a raging storm,
Torn down of all available help...
That help that could be to go to a friend and shout
Contradictions stare at us and you begin to question what it was or why
You tried to reach out for a hand when it's easier to cut those laces with those most important in places within you
It's easier to deal with it alone
And run away from the other facts, that they would help you if they only know//though shouldn't they know by the way I'm acting?

That's the lie within the lie
No one knows why we cry
Unless we open up from the inside
And let others see with their own eyes

No one knows unless we tell em'
Shouldn't expect them to know it
Or assume that we need help, in the best of light, no shadow would've cast down on your sight
You see what they cannot
And this begins the second thought...
Like a paperweight of all worries
Shouldn't you touch that page and turn it
It's easier said than done which is why so many close the book and refuse to write any more
What a bore, chore, snore
Let the pour of depression take it some more
You want help and the words escape your voice, lost in the void we call space
Can't make what's not there possible...
Giving up is that one obstacle that is inviting

But why, no not why
That's the lie within a lie
No one knows why we want to fly
Force those wings from the inside
And let others see you...the real you
With their own eyes

To accept what happens
As devasting as it is
Is what makes you human

Keeping someone sane is
the most devasting decision we
take in our human existence

Why do we do this to
Ourselves
Torture ourselves with
Things that we can’t control
What is it that makes life
Threatening
Devasting
Completely
Meaningless
It’s the ideas in our head
The bad thoughts that accompany us
everyday
We can change
It’s not a destiny
It’s how you deal
How you work on yourself
To tolerate pain
Sadness
And every little thing
That can connect us to a past
That will never happen again
Do not say
I was happy back then
But more
I choose to be happy
To be satisfied by boring
Routinized moments
I choose to make magic
Out of the ordinary life

Okay I m into you
I can't deny it anymore
Your silence is like a sword
Going straight through my chest
Devasting what has been left
I cant prétend furthermore
I have to confess
I m into you, nothing less.

Never in my dream,
I thought my soul would scream.
My soul that’s tired,
Hopefully it isn’t fired.
Is it still alive or dead?
For someday or the other, it’s fed!
When will I be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Eight years have already gone,
Womb still a deserted lawn.
Every women gets her blessing,
While I am still here guessing!
Is this **** infertility a curse?
When will I be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Longing to see a double line,
Not really easy to show me fine;
Dying to have baby bumps,
Atleast before my soul jumps!
Baby Shower is what I crave,
Before I get into the grave.
Sick & tired of treatments,
Seeing my hope go in fragments.
When will I be?
A Mom-to-be!!

All preggy news is devasting!
Babyshower invites are exhausting !!
Mother’s Day is no more a celebration,
Avoiding the possible deliberation.
For we are happy for them!
But sad for our own selves.
An array of mixed emotions,
Within us a lot more of commotions;
When will I be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Heart’s hurting inside out,
Our Faces with faking smiles & pout!
Irritated wit sudden moods wings,
After all they are infertility things!
Will I ever be??
A Mom-to-be!!

Tired of surfing preggy symptoms;
Longing to enjoy my kid’s tantrums,
Not easy to watch a mom & kid,
Wondering what sins I ever did?
Yearning to wear those dozen bangles!
Lost in dreams to see them dangle!!
Yet it’s all still day & night dreams,
How much ever my soul screams
Will I ever be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Fatigued with plenty of scan,
Done with all that I can.
Trying to figure out what,
The God almighty has got!
For Infertility is a disease,
That has ceased our peace!!
Will I ever be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Will it be atleast this year?
That i will be blessed wit my dear.
To get promoted as a Mother,
For which we have been longing together!
Sometimes with tears,
And Most times with fears;
Expected 2020 atleast to bring the magic,
And it has turned out to be another tragic.
Will I ever be?
A Mom-to-be!!

Should we lose our hope?
Is there any scope?
For Almighty is our ray of hope.
Why would we worry about scope?
For if it’s in our fates,
I will miss my dates!
And jump out loud in joy,
Will sit back and enjoy!!
For the day is not so far
Almighty will end my war.
We are fighting this battle,
Hoping to win like the turtle!
Continuing our prayers higher,
Keeping our hopes like fire,
Yes, someday I will be!!
A Warrior Mom-to-be!