You’re poisonous and I’m addicted to
the burning in my throat, it’s wildfire
with each word you share, lightly brushing stories
of the topics I most detest and cannot
force myself to simply forget. So
instead, I try to shrug it off with darker tales
from my past, but you continue
and surpass them with ease,
these claws of flames only rising,
tearing into my soul, soon to combust with
my distress and rage.
I dramatize an unethical kiss with a boy,
you mention five more; I hint at a taste
for Captain’s, you prefer wraps and bowls.
The newly tasted nicotine tears at my
lungs, simply to spite you: you smoke it,
so why can’t I?
I am no longer smart
enough to accept things as they are,
to my knees I surrender to your soul, but
I cannot let go of the grudges and the confusing discomfort
that comes with learning certain personal traits of yours. I cannot
live in vulnerability below you, but these concrete bones
cement my legs to the floor,
so, instead, I blaze my own morals with
my own choices, putting my health at risk
with my own stupidity,
creating new vices, this poisoning smoke,
and a dependence on more
than just myself.
I wrote this two years ago about my girlfriend at the time. I did not post it back then because she asked me not to because it made her look bad.