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Sara Kellie May 2018
Kiss my bloodied lips before you go.
Remember darling, you reap what you sow.
I gave you that warning a few years ago.
So what's coming to you, you already know.
Now close your eyes and hold on tight.
I'll make it quick when I put out your light.
When you are gone, I might shed some tears.
Remembering back, we had some good years.
You chose a new ally, you made a mistake.
It won't take you long to realise he's fake.

Poetry by Kaydee
The bloodier the poem the better the therapy and yes, she's still alive.
In fact, the poem titled 'Natalie' is about her. We are also still married!
You see, therapy through poetry really works.
Written in 2012.
Rachiel Dec 2018
Thursday morning delight.
Coffee - makes my entire day!
Cake - baked to make the world a better place!
Cats - furry, lovable creatures!
Chemistry - there exists nothing without it!
C* - You made the five "C's" possible!
So good yet so wrong.
sara May 2014
i don't want to walk with you
or to pillow talk with you
i want just you

i don't want to die with you
or to get high with you
i want just you

i don't want to curl up with you
or to be love struck by you
i want just you

i don't want cute dates with you
or to wake next to you
i want just you

i don't want to get to know you
over dinner, then to owe you
i want just you

i don't want commitment
or to have to admit that
i want more than 'just you'

though it’s a shame love has hurt me before
it's getting much harder for me to ignore:
the fact that i don't really want 'just you'
it's all the little things that i don't want to want to
2018 edit I definitely just want to get high witchu x
Caroline Apr 26
They say the more you try to deny something
The stronger it becomes
(sigh) Maybe its true
Because the more I try to deny it
The more I fall in love with you

My life is filled with endless apologies

Sincere and heartfelt promises that are shallow and empty


It's not a conscious thought
The words aren't spoken with known deceit or intentional mal-intent
But somewhere in my brain, buried in my subconscious, I know...
A self-sabotaging automated programming constantly running
And regardless of my cognitive actions or conscious thoughts, desires and intentions
My automated programming will find a way to inevitably run its code, follow its routines and execute its prime directive

And that's not a cop out
They're still my actions
Conscious or subconscious
Actions resulting from subconscious "thought" are those I'm too ignorant to see or too weak to change in that moment

I don't know what's worse
The subconscious lies and heaps of horse fertilizer, day in and day out, I shove down the throats of those who cross my path
Or the incessant feed of regurgitated words, phrases, thoughts, ideas and worst of all.... hopes.... that is being forced through my digestive track only to be excreted by my body and re-absorbed by my central nervous system

Hope

The worst trick of all

And it always works. Without fail
Why?
Because it psychologically and emotionally preys on everything I want to be
The Hope that THIS TIME I'll get it right
THIS TIME I won't FAIL
All those things inside of me
All of my
......
Potential
.......
This time it won't be wasted
This time I'll come through. You can count on me!
I promise!
This time I'll be on time
This time I won't be late!
This time I'll meet expectations
This time I'll EXCEED expectations!
This time I won't let people down
This time I won't....
                                 .....
                                    ..... let
                                               ME

                                                      .­....down

Hope

The saddest and ultimate cruelty of lies
Created by the Devil to prey on the weak and gullible
If **** is living your worst day over and over again for eternity;
Then repeating the same detrimental behaviors over and over again for life, sustained in this perpetual motion by something so simple and harmless looking as "Hope" must fall at the Devil's hands

A wolf in sheep's clothing sprinkled in fairy dust
The worst of thoughts and beliefs are kept alive by Hope
Hope is a disease; a psychological virus
A damaged idea spreading from person to person, hijacking their system, and infecting their thoughts
For Hope is not a singular idea, isolated in seclusion, yet ultimately wrapped up and packaged out with other ideas
No, Hope is the vehicle that all thoughts that follow must ride in and by which be delivered
It is the Uber for ideas that follow
And like an unscrupulous and unpitying Uber driver,
Hope takes your brain to a secluded spot against its will and does as it so pleases
But unlike survivors of such horrific events
I, like a wide eyed doe in the headlights
I continuously expose myself to the exact same scenarios
over
and
over again

But not to worry

Eventually,
Hope will lose its magic
And the void created will be filled

By,

Regret,
Resentment,
Animosity,
Self-doubt,
Self-loathing,

And worst of all,

Denial

Denial is Hope's evil twin

The not so secret malicious trickster who, even though wears his emotions somewhat more clearly, is still capable of a lifetime of successful pranks

But unlike Hope, Denial doesn't always reveal his trick if the tricked has yet to become aware of the ruse
Instead, Denial will let them build
Stack upon stack
A colossal suspension bridge built and supported on Denial
And when I, with blind faith, cross that bridge
Putting everything and anything on the line, without question
That's when Denial delivers its reckoning
And in one all encompassing swoop it swallows me whole and any resemblance of "life" with it

Hope and Denial
My Atlantic and Pacific Oceans
and Me, a tiny island
Flanked on either side by the endless majesty of each
And like this planet,
I too,
Am a sphere spinning
A tiny island against the enormities of the the deep blue
A shipwrecked survivor
Floating on the driftwood of my subconscious
Left to the will of my environment
A helpless passenger on this ship of life
Constantly spinning between Hope and Denial
Some days calm and serene
Others, tormented by storms
Monster waves,
Flashes of lightning,
Ear shattering crackling explosions of thunder
And howling winds so fierce they must be the breath of God

And regardless of what scenario lays before me,
I'm left repeatedly with the same "choice" and same action

Enveloped with fear,
Hanging on for dear life,
Like a helpless and horrified child.....

On the verge of soiling my pants
Written: May 28, 2018

All rights reserved.
Solomon Dec 2017
A sprinkle of beauty,
to deny being pretty?,
Sunned by His grace,
shown in her ways,
A drop of stubbornness,
something I'd care less,
Shy or humble,
Resist what she's able,
To make me rage seeing her diamond tears,
To turn me blue as I see her suffer,
To cure my heartache and my fears,
To stun me as I gaze upon her,
Though I've crestfallened hard enough,
Will she realise what she's made of?
Unsure of what my Lord had created,
A curse...or a blessing which will never sate.
Most beauty are denied or not admitted.Maybe beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.But personally,I feel dissatisfied by this.
Kiara Malig Nov 2017
And I forced myself to stay with you
I told myself that this heart beating,
This butterfly in my mouth,
Is of love .
I didn't tell myself that it was of the panic you ensued,
I didn’t tell myself that it was of the weeds you planted in me,
I didn’t tell myself that it was of the poison ivy that replaced my walls.
I don’t know when I’ll be able to convince myself that I’ve had enough

I cry silently-
Afraid that if you hear my cries, you’ll do something unimaginable.
Falling in love with my own mental illness is hard
Shelby Mar 31
Dear ex lover...

Our love was water
Refreshing but it left me needing more to survive
The words you spoke were intoxicating
I became easily addicted
Our relationship ended a year ago
I'm still thinking about you
I shouldn't have left
You loved me more than yourself
Showed tenderness and compassion
This letter was supposed to be an im thinking of you
Not that I still love you
I miss you
Do you miss me still?

Love
Your girl


no no...


Dear ex...

Why must you run through my mind
Dipping into the inner pools of my serendipity
Night fall brings no comfort
As I rest my eyes for a deep slumber
I'm still startled awake by remnants of a 3 am phone call
Waiting to see missed call displayed across a bright screen
And a voice mail engaging in another pointless fight you created
Please leave a message after the....
Baby wake up
You're supposed to answer
I'll be waiting for you to come over
I need to find sweet release
Give me what I need
Or else there'll be **** to pay
My memories of you have a few genuinely blissful moments
But those are over shadowed by gruesome visuals and agony
I stuck through everything you did
So I wouldn't have to hear how worthless i was
And that I wouldn't find better than you
I stuck around hoping that I could admire the roses wrapped in a walmart bag
only to realize it would only be one time I received them
because you had to
and they were the result of a heartfelt apology
that would cut deeper than the thorns
I held too tightly
crying over the hatred I felt for you
as blood darker than the red roses trickled down my ivory skin
I hate you
but I will always hate myself more


With regards
Your ex


no no....


Dear abuser....
This will be the final draft of the several letters I ripped up in the trash
You don't deserve it
But you kept invading my peace
So here's what you wanted
Here's your ******* closure


I loved you
Before you turned into the demon you swore you never would
Because a man that calls himself a Christian would never do what you did to me right?
Stories were told of girls you damaged
Why was I so naive to believe they were lies
It was that cunning smile and sugar coated words
Making a man that could do no wrong in public
But a monster behind closed doors
Proving the stories weren't lies

You showed me love wasn't one found in movies
It was never going to be a fairytale I longed for
No
Love was shown when my clothes were off and I was submissive
Still knowing the touch of your coarse hands
Running across my skin when a slight breeze hits the air
I've scrubbed my skin raw with hopes I wouldn't but to no prevail
Love was holes punched in the dry wall above my head
Love was loving what my body over my mind had to offer
You told me love was ***
But *** never meant love
Love wouldn't leave me shaking alone in your bed
Hoping the door didn't fly open in rage
That i forgot to say good morning
Scared whether the day would bring a fake happiness
Or
Knowing our true love was another fist to the gut
With tears flowing out of mascara blackened eyes
As you took what you wanted
Again
Again
Again
Pleading intensified your ****
Tears got you off
My pain was only valid when it was able to make you gleam
Your true smile was only shown with my back pressed against a hard box spring
I love you was only whispered when you were finished
But don't get me wrong that was love....

Sincerely
Shelby
PrttyBrd Dec 2018


shackled to a notion
rubbing through wrists
in rusted remains
of beautifully easy

it's a slow bleed
through insults slung
in fear the unmaliciois
only noticed in hindsight

calling the innocent a *****
doesn't breed hate from love
the duke-yeilding cowardly lion
flings back like a monkey


##

breaststroking a marathon in tears
wading through pain I never caused
pelted with double-barrelled denial
THIS IS NOT WEAKNESS

there is no waver on my solid ground
torn flesh and compound fractures
cannot break harder than history

still, gavel strikes
in sucker punched cracked ribs
that look like a past that ain't mine

###

keep hacking off pieces
maybe I'll fit into those pretty boxes
your liars left as gifts
nasty reminders that trust has sharp teeth

maybe that's just you
biting back any hand that gets too close
pandering in placating platitudes
ain't my bag

flattery fails to flounce from unfettered friends


####

can't be beat into submission
with unspoken broken rules
can't run from a truth in plain view

this is what it looks like
to believe what you know over
what you've lived

I'm not running
I'm not biting back
I'm not going anywhere

then again, why would I
I'm not the one afraid to love you




https://soundcloud.com/user-166761247/a-fourth-in-time-to-cracked-selections-of-music
122518
205w
Sienna Oct 2018
You said it was best for the both of us
I said don’t put words in my mouth
Our last phone call.
JS CARIE Feb 6
This is immediate
Everyday, hour
Every time, every moment
Accompanying a lack of denial
Or refusal, is a confidence
My head is level
Eyes are straight
Heart is a little off beat
Even still,
Keeping possessed by this thoughtful nature and
the usher cast for a mind under clouds
Those chords from those organs
Equal:
My understanding
My forecast
My disbelief
My expected
My growth
My overthrown
My burn
My yearn
But I do deny what is known
from hearing the being
And seeing what I was hearing
Held my place for seasoning to marinade and stew in
A well rehearsed
And tirelessly versed
Can’t deny how much comes and
what is earned
is now learned
Forever renouncing any feels of the spurned
Laid this body down over puddles in storms
In a wonder what will form
That's the drive most important
Only the girl,
She's all that really ever matters, only this one

for her return
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