within my own inflexibility My rigidity deteriorates me
circumstances are changing
these are potentials I’m afraid to correct
I become carried away when I identify with stimuli
I’m boundless I know no restraints

I’m extreme in reaction though I regret my severity
I’m alert to the patterns instincts fail for the need of harmony
I align, my emotions with awareness
an enchanted form of perfected grace
loyalty to doubt lack of power to concentrate
focus perceived illogically
spontaneously conceptualizing
determination leads to recognition in a position of influence
but only when recognized for being in the right place at the right time
the bitterness in rejection when overstimulating the mind


Even amongst the greatest of decadences
spirit warrior has no polarity
in nature of truth blessed this innocence maintained regardless
analysis of personal actions and effects
in an extreme state of self consciousness
self deluted irrational focus on what’s already passed
this inspiration that a rational concept can be established

lack to continue intelligence to endure
persistent re-evaluation
indecision in times of transformation
a deep and profound need to self express
materialism disrupts creativity at best
attracting loyalty as a gift
leadership sanctioned in times of crisis
a natural position of practicality avoiding conflict to keep security
alert to patterns of inferior elements
creates cooperation and results in management
the most successful action is powerful and extreme reaction
a boundless energy which ignores awareness
no restraint puts spirit at risk
balancing principals with energy leads to expansion
and properity
securing identity through careful consideration
opposing restrictions with determination
ignorance of innocence betrayed by action
when finding yourself in a negative position
the success of restraint lies not in abandonment
but caution expressed as a social experiment
instincts may fail for the need of Harmony
yes establish conditions for collective mastery
self deluted transformation reassed inspiration
to omit retrogression would be the sin of omission
to justify these time would be to mislead the mind

Take a look at my facebook.
Myspace seems to have been erased.
Pinterest.com has potential, coincidential.
Deleting websites is mental. Disneyland, Ireland, Iceland, Greenland, & Scotland are all countries I want to travel but know I never will
even though it seems chill?
Expand horizons in real life or online.
Remain no one's wife, and be fine.
Write poems that make sense & rhyme.
When people shoot others for no reason.
Is the water they drank polluted.
Or is it just the wrong place & the wrong season.
Or are they just mentally deluted?
A confusion, a delusion, a hallucagin, or persecution?

Whats left from the ball game
I walk through rows of soggy buns
And deluted beer
No one finishes:
Conrad creates a trash bag pancho
Brandon finds an unopened can of beer
Stephens still engaged to spider women
And the carboard folds like a soft taco
When I stuff tarter sauce in my water logged trash bag
I under stand trench warfare completly:
My toes are drowining
Andrew thinks hes a dog
Dwain gave up drinking six years ago
Allens speaking gibberish (we still love him)
I dont know why
Were here.
Each of us wear the same caps
Like a team of washed up minor league players
wondering why were still here
Even more when we have to work for the rain.

I don’t mind leaving myself completely vulnerable,
Go ahead, expose every ounce of me.
I have been exploited,
I have been used,
I have been beaten down and broken,
So many times,
To the point where…
Leaving myself wide open,
Is nothing new…

I’m rarely ever religious,
But my spirituality is at an all time high.
Let’s say there is a higher power,
And let’s say it did create mankind.

Cause I believe in guardian angels,
Angels with no wings on their backs,
And no glowing halos upon their heads,
But angels, that walk among us…

Angels, that are you, and me…

See when this higher power made man,
They saw that he was alone,
(For we all feel alone sometimes)…
So this higher being gave man,
The gift of a woman,
A friend, a partner in crime.

We are meant to have our fellow human’s back,
Not stab it, and betray them.

So I extend my hand,
To anyone willing to take hold…

See because I am so torn apart,
I understand what truly lies within
Every human being’s heart…

I can comprehend the fact that,
No matter good or evil,
No matter pure or deluted,
We are all human,
Bound to malfunction…

We all have our trials,
Our problems, our demons if you will…
But we also have one another.

I know for a fact why I’m here, living,
I was created to open eyes,
To let people know,
You are never, ever,
Truly alone…

I remember what it’s like,
To feel like you’re invisible,
To think you have no value,
To believe you are a nobody…

And my dear friend,
I can honestly look you in those wonderful eyes,
And tell you,
From the depths of my heart,
I am here,
And I’m not leaving…

You might think
You mean nothing to the world,
But you mean the world to me…

I don’t care who you are,
I don’t judge a past you can’t change,
I just want you to know,
If you need me, I’m here…

See this is how I mend my own broken pieces,
This is how I sew back together the tattered soul I wear,
I give my life to my fellow man,
Not for something in return,
But because I know,
It only takes one smile
To make happiness contagious.

I leave myself as wide open,
As a public library,
With no key for the door…

I ask you to invade my mind,
To walk around, and explore…
In hopes you will walk away,
With some piece of me,
That makes you more complete…

For we are all broken into small particles,
But we have each other to complete
The puzzle of ourselves and life as we know it.

So I willing give you any piece of me
You wish to transfer to your internal memory,
And gladly will copy any file you wish to store.

I life not for myself,
But for the thrill,
Of knowing…
I can create a smile upon your face.

Now do you understand,
Why I let you pick my soul apart?
I want you to not be afraid to dig deeper,
I want you to look me in these eyes,
And see this beating heart…
And know,
Just because you think you don’t belong
In a world such as this…

You will always be a king/queen
In this pulsing, breathing, human being.

Because the only reason
You believe you are a nobody,
Without value or price,
Is because to me,
You carry something
No one could ever buy…

For to me,
You are priceless and precious,
And should never be for sale.

You my dear,
Are a guardian angel…

My mind, is something you've never seen before. Full of vampires, and demons, and delusions. Words are deluted, I leave. Dissociation is the main ingredient for me to allow someone else to take over. I leave to a world of trees with glowing white leaves, a world with purple skies, and a land with no sun, only a moon that changes pigment. It is almost a perfect world, except for a select few faults. I don't wish to stay too long though, so I come back. My only wish, is that my world, could be the one I wish to stay in.

I lost my heart amongst the roses
and thorns as you slowly choked
me.

Love slowly turned to porcelain
and stone. It shattered under your
pressure.

Your perfume was luring,
you are romantically delusional
polluted with your indulgence
and shady promises.

To love myself I had to lose you.

To the darkness you
dove head first, no thinking
of a future for us.

I lost you to the shadows of
the future of love's indulgence
it got deep and you dug it's grave
before we could speak our vows.

You pushed me into the depths of
your anger and rage until I became
a bleeding wound festering.

The ghost of love's possibilities
still stabs me, burning deep within
my lucid dreams.

It stalks me like a monstrous shadow,
out reached agony clawing at the stitches
of your stab wounds from constant
narcissistic nagging, my heart is throbbing
in raw pain. You keep tugging.

You beat the drums until I became
a painful strum, a broken song stuck
on repeat.

Boom! Bleed! For me
Boom! Bleed! For me.

I'm a river of broken dreams
pooling on the floor, a stain from
a murderous lovers outrage.

You have no love,
only painful strumming
beating at the chambers
of my heart there I locked
myself up. Safety security
away from your nagging agony
of selfish deluted penalties.

I no longer pay your taxes
no more wasted hours trying to
please your narcissistic needs
and broken ideas.

I have ran my roads alone before you,
I am only growing stronger
without you punching my pride
and beating my self-esteem until
it's bruised and burning in pain.

I became the fire you tried to smother,
now I am burning your memory
your ashes blew away on a breath
of winters frozen kiss.

I got one last wish that you
are forever gone.

I want to allow my heart to
make room for possibilities of
love's embrace once more.

I am renovating my heart chambers,
removing the rubble from the ruined
love affairs that you left behind.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

I've always been the creative type. I trust my work with others but it keeps being set aside or being alter my vision deluted. I think of taking a stand so that I can get what exactly what I'm looking for.
I'm not the directing type I can do great things but keep limiting myself. I've written many scenes that I can piece together but coordinating the actors and a set is all new to me. I've seen my friends work but its not my vision working production is a process in many aspects
I usually trust others judgement I need to get better and have confidence in myself. I don't want to be sneaky and go behind peoples back but waiting I'm not gaining or learning anything.
Starting and getting it done matters most to me this plotting and what if or what could be scenario gets old. I hear one thing but they do another so its kind of hard to settle or expect anything. I see more but dealing with less.