"dellusional" poems
I said that I kept a piece of myself tucked away saved for that special someone
That I wouldnt give my all to a boy that gave half and that maybe the essence of my essence wouldnt be his favorite perfume.
But I slipped and I fell and hit my head, becoming dellusional enough to think
that in me 16 years of existence I had found my once in a life time.
The need for you to love me held me under water gasping for air. I was drowning in you,
And I must have not read the warnings because I forgot my life vest
And even though I am in the middle of no where and it is a new moon the light polution from staring at my phone waiting for your call is making it impossible to see the stars.
I said I kept a piece of me.
But how do you argue that you are strong and independent when he takes your heart and shatters it and all you are left with is a ****** hand and the only thing you can do is fold.
Fold into paper origamis that are too complex and fragile for anyone to touch.
Anyone to touch but him.
To be touched by him would have saved me
Jul 26, 2014
Jul 26, 2014 at 2:21 PM UTC
Venomous trail
Of an idolised Holy Grail
Peaceful ways to ******
The shivers of a happiness,
The neverending loneliness,
Near a cold wall with deep holes
Filled with skies and dampness,
Printed signs of ailing mold
Signs of peace, signs of hurt.
Throw me away...
The black rage within,
Shower with white paint
The old, dusted spirit.
A saint
With no grace to pray
Erase with black ink
Twisted words sink and sink...
In ordinary blank pages
Long forgotten in time's cages.
The mind needs
These black needs.
A strange place
Of silence and waste,
Dreams on needles
Angst in cradles...
Why do they all come to me?
Why do I have to see
These truths disguised as lies
These fairies turn into spies
Of my deep thoughts
Torture every little crock
Of my own self?
My mind is tired.
I cannot fly anymore.
Give me a reason to allure
The sparks of a fake moon -
Do you feel them too?
The whiskers of a new born sun
Caressing my hair in an air so dun,
I will sleep again, someday... soon.
Aug 13, 2011
Aug 13, 2011 at 12:52 PM UTC
My baby has taken a leave from me
My baby does not love me anymore
It's a worry the little notes on walls
It's the paperless kisses in the holes
My baby is just a long lost friend
My baby came to stormy realisations
It's a worry the trendy dreams jotted
It's the plain poetic dellusional tunes
My baby has a frown of grown horns
My baby vacated the walls of destiny
It's a lightening strike of the emotions
It's a collapse of the clouds we laid
My baby let this kiss lead to destiny
My baby let abundance ambulate
It's not what I really wanted to hear
It's decedent of the decanted time
Jan 1, 2017
Jan 1, 2017 at 3:57 PM UTC
Because I am not perfection,
Nor could I walk in its shadow,
I choose to see the Man.
I'm a born again sinner.
The curtains at a close and the
World a shot away from killing
Itself, I would not turn to perfection
In the dellusional mind that is man.
No,
I like my God as a man,
Beat up like me;
Wearing His scars in public humiliation.
I can relate to this Deity,
The imperfect manner of his sacrifice,
The degredation.
This Guy understands what its like
For most of us everyday,
So let Him bleed and suffer,
He did so in a short life.
He catches a glimpse of what its
Like for us everyday in the imperfect
World,
The glorious sinners we are,
And I walk with a suffered Jesus.
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 18, 2015 at 12:12 PM UTC
Dellusional and scared,
I'm running from shadows that aren't there,
I can't scream in this haunted house anymore,
Walls are collapsing in on my lungs,
Ghosts have sewn my mouth shut,
Cobwebs have come alive and they're taking my arms,
Pulling, pulling, Tearing me apart,
Insomnia begins to sing as it tries to claim victory,
It has not won yet, I have not lost,
My limbs begin to bleed out as the clock tears at my skin,
I'm sinking into the floorboards, I'm sinking in,
Chuckling ghouls emerge from antique cupboards,
They dance, and the webs make me spin,
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Jun 16, 2012
Jun 16, 2012 at 8:31 AM UTC
My heart is my enemy
It rips, tears and poisons my veins
It pumps my body full of hope
When reality always wins.
It makes me dellusional
I see things that aren't there
Hear words that were never spoken
It gives me a false confidence
That I can take on the world
When really, the world only takes on me
My heart is a liar
A cheap ******* that always wins
My mind over.
C
Nov 27, 2011
Nov 27, 2011 at 3:28 AM UTC
Stupor..a silly,relaxed,not quite myself stupor
Ignore the fact that I shouldn't be here
Acknowledge the only reason I chose to be there
Smoky eyes led me into darkness
And now I am left with nothing but this stupid look in my eye
I laugh at myself for being said victim
I bet you find that to be hilarious
I almost do..but then I think of you
Your games...your mysterious ways
How easily I could have been consumed
without even a hint of recognition
**** this is not what I transcribed myself to be
I am above it...yeah I bet you love that
I can oh so politely put this up your *** and around a hard left corner
I suppose I could go for days but what would be left except what I began with
Which is just a sense of poisonous consumption
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth
Man that would describe most of this
Impulsive vomiting...then putrid lying
I play it back in my head, step by step, word by word...thought by thought...looks
and stay with same dellusional conclusion
It wasn't just me...
I put it down and you may take it in but not on my time
Not on my mind...you will be lol
Might be how one might put it but then again...this **** playback is driving me crazeeee
Fool I say...every second of instinct and purity and intent ...Gone.gone . never to be back
Simple and sure and solid...replaced with distant, false and fooled...not me but you
That's what makes this great..I am fine with only a secret to keep...but you will be drudged thru yourself
And I will be better for it..knowing more about me than anyone else!
May 27, 2010
May 27, 2010 at 1:04 PM UTC
MY MEDICATION WORKS, BUT WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT SIDE EFFECTS
WELL, IF YA SIDE EFFECT IS MOVING HANDS, DO SOMETHING CREATIVE LIKE I DO
TO TAKE THE ADNOMALITIES OUT OF YOUR HANDS
IF YA SIDE EFFECTS ARE MAKING YA HUNGRY
GET HYPED UP AND WRITE STORY BY STORY ABOUT YOUR LIFE
INSTEAD OF DWELL IN EACH ASPECT OF YOUR PAST
IF YA SIDE EFFECTS MAKE YOU ANGRY AT YOUR VOICES
TRY AND WORK THROUGH IT, LIKE YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO **** OFF SOME POOR SOUL
WHETHER YOU MEAN IT OR NOT
IF YOUR SIDE EFFECTS MEAN YOU ARE JUMPY
JUST WRITE STORIES AND DO ART, TO REL;AX YOURSELF
IF YA SIDE EFFECTS HAS VOICES SAYING YOUR JUST AS MESSED UP AS THE NEXT PERSON
JUST, TRY AND DROWN YOUR VOICES IN A GOOD BOOK, A DVD BLURAY
GAMES CONSOL, TAPESTRY YOUTUBE SPORT ON TELEVISION OR ANY OTHER TV SHOW
AND IF YA MEDICATION HAS VOICES SAYING, DON’T TAKE YOUR MEDICATION THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YA
LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE, TRY TO WRITE PROBLEMS AND DELLUSIONS OUT OF YA
IF YOU ARE HEARING PEOPLE RIOT OUTSIDE, THE BEST THING IS THINK THEY ARE PARTYING
DOESN’T ALWAYS WORK, BUT REALLY THINKING POSITIVELY ABOUT PEOPLE OUTSIDE IS MUCH BETTER
THAT THINKING THEY ARE RIOTING OUTSIDE, MY MATE THINKS THEY ARE RIOTING,
HE SAYS HE IS TRUTHFUL, BUT HE’S NEGATIVE, BUT THINK PEOPLE ARE PARTYING
IF YOU HAVE SIDE EFFECTS OF THE DEAD TEASING YOU, WRITE THE POSITIVE STORY
OUT OF YOU, TO SAY, THAT SLIM DUSTY IS ALIVE AND WELL, AND LIVING IN MY HEAD
I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH SLIM HERE
YEAH I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BEER WITH SLIM
BUT WITH MY MEDICATION AND MY PAST
IT COULD BRING DELLUSIONAL VOICES AGAIN
AND SEND ME TO THE PSYCH WARD, WHERE THE CRAZY PEOPLE ARE
BUT THEY ARE ONLY CRAZY CAUSE THE SYSTEM DOESN’T LIKE THEM
FROM A ****** FAR
SO I CHUCK A METHANE SMOOTHIE ON DAD YEAH
AND SAY HAVE A GREAT NEXT LIFE
SLIM DUSTY IS ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING IN MY HEAD
CAUSE I SING ABOUT PARTYING, AND I PARTY IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER
LIKE A COOL DUDE DOES
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 12:34 AM UTC
To be completely honest,
some days I purposely lean towards the things that trigger my crazy.
Because you see,
after a certain amount of years,
one can get used to the cold air in one's neck,
or the dellusional ideas.
(I'm going mad. My body's here but I am not really experiencing this moment.)
It has become a familiar, but still terrifying place.
On days like today I am too curious, if maybe I can still visit it.
And every single time I find out I can easily,
but it's much harder to leave.
Aug 4, 2013
Aug 4, 2013 at 6:52 AM UTC