Silence

That’s what you wanted
Just accepted silence
Just desired crying
Just no more defience

So why the **** do you want my voice
The ironic song bird wedged down my throat
You just want to hear your name screamed out
Whimpered out
Begged

I’d say ******* but you’d take it the wrong way
That or it won’t even reach past my new blue gloss

You want me to speak up now? Well you’ll get it, yet don’t blame me if my voice goes hoarse. My eyes bleed tears of forgiveness when looking disgusting and captivating as I screech like a banshee . With snot dribbling down my chin. With split ends visible in my wooden mane. With eyes turned muddy the unplanned forecast for blood thirst and depression

Like how about I talk about those long nights at McDonald, or when you sung lullabies that implanted insomnia, or the icy touch of your frostbitten hands looking for warmth and all you found was me. How about those whispered words of , “ I really like you.” Cuz four words are worth so much more than three. Each held more meaning than the last as if they were your last breath as you plunged inside me with dagger-claws. Yet I loved it, ****** I loved it! I loved being your barbie doll.

But were they even true

Were all the nights we stared at one another with clamped together hands just the darkness in your coal eyes wanting my spark. My bite. Was it just so you could see if I could be yours. Only yours. I left so many scars on you and you to me, and you told me you loved them. Your fingers would trace my stories I engraved upon your temple. But none were proof enough of how you ****** my mind up with yourself. Made me worshiped like a false goddess undeserving of your praise and love and soul and eyes and ******* I’m back your your dead ******* eyes even when you blinked to show you lived.

You knew I never loved anyone before you. Never held hands before you. Never had any lips besides your cracked ones trying to imitate a desert to trick others of nothingness that you’d whisper only to me. Never told a man nor woman that they were my first of everything before you. I was a tiger lily and you a ****. And you took it all away you ******* hypocrite!

You knew before I could even say wait. And I loved you for it, I still fuckning love you for it cuz I am a *****. My heart never beats when you aren’t around. I never needed to speak, you were the source of my puppeteer voice I used when other’s worried about something.

Yet now you want me to tell you lies. Tell you who hurt me

‘You’

Tell you who used me

‘You’
Tell you who ******* broke me down to a sniveling, worthless pile of ash

‘You’

But instead of telling what was reality I played within your almond flavored fantasies and blamed everyone but you. For no, never you.You, you, you, you, you. Rigamortus won’t stop my hands from grabbing your shirt as I slowly sank to the ninth level of hell.

BECAUSE IT WAS YOU GOD ******* ****** MAN
YOU DID THIS TO ME
I WAS AN AURORA SUNSHINE YET YOU ****** ME DRY
TILL ALL THAT WAS LEFT WERE MONOTONE CLOUDS
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SHOVED YOUR HAND INSIDE ME
AND REPLACED ORGANS WITH STUFFING

YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT
YOU DID IT

You're the reason
I slit my throat
******* my vocal cords.
Sewn shut my lips
It's no surprise I was thrown away
Like a broken doll

It's funny you see?
When you're choking you should see the irony
Ain't I the one that needs to hush up

I am guilty with lust, it consumes me, draws me and burns my *****
The want is a need that shames my mind, defience to what is pure
this base desire, this physical necessity, I hate that I need it
but succumb to its embrace as he lies next to me, deep in slumber
drifting alone, all too comfortable to be disturbed

My mind plays out fantasies, wrapping myself around him
I know he would even covet my embrace, snuggle close to me
My arms would wrap around him, my legs entwine his
pressing against him, sneak my hand along him, stroke
crafty fingers' speak my fire
tease his dreams to mirror my need

My body yearns, my ache is real, my lips are soft, my need drips
I can feel myself, the warmth of my lion's mouth,
its hunger, its desire to lunge, to grab deep, to ******
to feel his body next to mine, the heat of his desire
to ride, not timid, defient against him
that driving, penetrated, disgusting
urge just to ****

I have my needs, he even encourages, pleads
even complains, he knows my heart
Cannnot, I say, cannot and no
I cannot succumb this is too primative
Too much just flesh, too much

A pleasure that must be denied, not for me to savor
my animal must be leashed, controlled
I will lay here next to him, so close and far
My broken lusting heart, denied once more
It is his fault; men to blame
They punish us all
He sleeps through my pain

pride wars with regret
old men march in ranks depleted
medals clink  in time to the town band
children hold grand childrens hands
then the bugler plays
and as the notes fly into silence
old men cry in defience of age
that has wearied
and remembrances of those gone before
they remember more and more
lest we forget ...
sunshines in the bluest of skies
and there is youth once more in tired eyes

She didn't like where she came fom
The smell of poverty, the curse of ignorance
Like a cloak draped round her every move
She stumbled and struggled.
But defience and armour were hers too.
From deep within there screamed a voice
These are not yours.
Take back your curses evil witch
You bore no good you stupid *****,
Take back your prattle, rattle
Now within your empty coffin.
For you are gone but I am free
Not tribe not blood not place not kin
Expose the soul that lies within.