"dedus" poems
cardboard city
As i sit in my shelter watching the drops of rain
i sometimes find it hard to contain
my anger and fear
at being alone and trapped here
i watch the people as they walk by
taking their greatest care not to catch my eye
their guilt is no suprise
you would think people would have to care
but no they just stare
i am not sure who or what they see there
not a person , just a thing
throw it a penny and it may dance and sing
like a performing bear, nobody cares
not even about the bears
a bear needs people to care about it
i need people to care
i am not a peice of ****
to be wiped off thier shoes
nor is the bear a prisoner
and should not be kept in a zoo
each day i look in the bins, for food i can eat
for clothes on my back, shoes on my feet
its strange what people throw away
i guess i did it myself
when i had somewhere to stay
with people that loved me, people that cared
parents and siblings , with whom i shared
happyness , dry tears , shallow felt fears
a hug , a kiss, things i miss
companionship, love, friendship not hate
not being alone scared and afraid
oh sad world , where do i belong
i live inside my head, where others tag along
darkness , shadows, everything forlorn
hopeless , cruel , cold and unkind
i live in the pit , that i call my mind
happyness. sadness, two sides of my mood
two sides of my face, one nasty , one good
one angel , one devil, one dedus, one don
one body, one funtion, to die after being born
oh mother , oh father, what should i do
what happened to the love, from both of you
i seem ever alone, far from the crowd
i just want to scream help me , aloud
as i sit in my shelter, watching , waiting
feeling, lost, hungry, tired, alone
afraid, thinking of home
contemplating
death
Jun 5, 2014
Jun 5, 2014 at 3:28 PM UTC
feelings
feel so cold, nothing seems real
feel like i used to feel
when the wheels in my head
stopped going forward
went backwards instead
so many things in my head
that shouldnt be there
shouldnt be anywhere
mabye inside the mind
of some poor ******* that couldnt find
his way through life
clawing, knawing, at his own bones
all the while thinking of home
mind wandering
like mine does all the time
quoting some line
from a film or a song
convincing yourself
thers some hidden meaning in it
for why your life died
and went so badly wrong
and turned to ****
feel so lonely, if only
someone could take my pain away
pain visited me such a long time ago
and stayed
feel lost, feel the cold frost of life
sending a chill down my spine
feel numb
feel like i want to strike out
at anyone and anything
feel like my body isnt even mine
stare past my window
far far away, eyes stray
eyes discuise, the person behind the mask
eyes lie
mask wears me like a second skin
mask hides the people that are within
my head
today my mask will be; don, dedus, donna
mabye someone else instead
feel frightened
feel like i just want to be held
in the arms of someone
that can keep me safe
keep me out of my own hell
thats in my confused mind
feel like my barbedwire thoughts
are so kind, feel blind
unable to see even me
feel like i wasnt conceived
unable to believe i even exist
in this manifestation
cold invitation
of an existance , that is my life
feel like i want my wife, to sort out my life
feel like i cant feel
feel like i want to strip the skin from my bones
feel like i want to go home
feel cold, so very cold, feel old
feel alone
Jun 5, 2014
Jun 5, 2014 at 3:08 PM UTC