Dear Crystal ****,
I loved you
I put so much trust in you
I spent every hour of every day confiding in you
I told you my deepest fears
I let you know how broken i was
and you ******* took advantage of me
You took everything i owned
you stole my family from under me
you robbed me of all my money
We never had a healthy relationship

From the first night i met you
you beat me into a ****** pulp
You made me hate everyone
You turned me into a monster just like you..

You dug your claws into me
You slit my skin with your razors of control
But you just brushed it off and kept destroying me
I tried so many times to leave you
I tried so hard to cut you off
But the attemps just failed

You flooded my mind with thoughts of you
You gave me flashbacks of when we were together
I heard your voice screaming when all i wanted to do was forget about you
You controlled every aspect of my mind
my body
And my life

Then one day i couldnt take it anymore
Your abuse was to muc for me
You had me on my knees begging for a saving grace
I cried
I screamed
I begged god for the light
I wanted to die
I stood on the edge of bridges
I stared at knives and blades
I felt like i couldnt continue with you
and like i definitly count continue without you..

Then one dark august night
God awnsered my prayers
He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me to sleep after so many weeks without closing my eyes
I slept for almost 4 days
Waking only to use the restroom and to shove any food i could find in my face
You slowly left my system

You didnt go peacefully of course
You paniced
You clawed
You begged me not to do this
but i didnt listen

I stayed true to myself
I finally left you...

Things wernt smooth at first
I felt lost
I was confused about everything involving life
I didnt know who i was
I thought i would for sure go running back to you
But i gave it time

I pushed through the hot and cold flashes
Ignored the hallucinations and the fevers
It was pure hell on earth
But the torture was worth every second because leaving you was the best decition i have ever made for myself

Tomarrow is 30 days free from your shackles
Life still is a constant struggle
But honestly
I would not expect any different after breaking free from the cage of satan and into the sunlight of heaven

I now hae so many things to be greatful for
I have a roof over my head
I bed to sleep in thats not jail or a hospital.
I am a cherished member of y family again
I found love unexpectedly with a man who makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth
I have my goals and morals back
I see a future for myself
and most of all..
I am thankful i am breathing because you almost killed me

Someone once said
"Dope heads never quit, they only take extended breaks"
Well, i am proud to say i never am allowing you back into my life

So thank you ****
Even though you shattered every part of my soul
I now have a brand new outlook on life
I also never would have asked my now fiance for a ride home if you had never made me so sick i was in the emergency room
I dont regret you
Because i learned so much about myself and life from you

But now i can finally say...
I ******* hate you and i will never be with you again

Sincerally:
One greatful proud, life loving forever ex tweaker <3

It’s not falling in love, just know I’m falling.
That moment that you feel the rush of falling before your feet actually leave cliffs edge
Your heart pounding, alarms sounding
As alive and awake in that moment
As the ones ahead where you are actually flailing
Where you have already made the decition
And waters on its way to meeting you
There has to be a word for that
Whats the word for that?

The moment you see the roller coaster climbing
And your heart’s reacting to the drop
Like you have already been dropped
What is the word for that?

Writing words…. There are no word… ill find words for that.
Because deep inside of me I can already anticipate me falling
And I am reacting before its even happened
Like a moment where you are a passenger in a car
were you can’t see out the window
But scared silence lets you know that those who can
Have  already braced themselves for impact
Unable to see the car outside t- bone the one you are inside means nothing
The fear gathered from others ****** expressions is real
You are real
There are words for that.
Real
Really falling.

First you say yes
Then you say no
Confused i guess
You just don't know

you confuse me too
Giving mixed signals
Im not a number two
I want clear signals

But when you don't
I listen to my heart
Even if you don't
Or don't have the heart

I wished that you loved me
You show me you do
But we are just friends you tell me
Yet we do more than friends do

Everyone thinks that we are
So why not make it true
Decided who we are
I will always be true

The decition is yours
You know my stance
My heart is yours
So what is your stance