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Diamond Flame Nov 2017
I wish feelings didn't exist
But they do
And they persist to ruin my life.
All this strife.
Just because three guys
Imagine me as their future wife.

How did I get here?
Keep reading if you want to hear
But please, no fangirl tears.

It starts in my early years.
I met him.
He was my best friend.
He was my first crush.
I was his.
I left for another school.
We hadn't seen each other since.

Middle school.
I met a boy my first year there.
It was infatuation upon first greeting

The second year I finally took up conversation with him.
I fell harder into my feelings.

The next year,
He was mine.
And I was his.
If only it stayed like this.
First love.
First kiss.
Our love was pure bliss.
It's what I will always miss.
And it was my fault.
I ruined it.
I can't do anything about it.

Summer camp.
A friend.
Later a close friend.
Now, super close.
Very close friends.
We know each other inside and out.
We're always there for each other.
Always.
Things went farther.

Everything caught up.
My kindergarten friend goes to my school.
My middle school boyfriend is friends with him.
Apparently, they're cousins.
My ex/ guy friend still likes me.
My kindergarten friend likes me.
My kindergarten friend took me to homecoming.
Later, the boys fight.
I don't understand why girls want to be fought over.
It was awful.
Later, my camp friend and I confess our feelings.
So.. things happened.
I couldn't be happier,
But long distance *****.
3 hours away.
Haven't seen each other since camp.
One day, we will see each other again.
Never soon enough
We make it work
Diamond Flame Nov 2018
I don't understand.
The once sturdy ground has turned to sand.
My feet sink in
And so do your words.

I don't understand.
Don't you still love me?
Do I no longer make you happy?
What's wrong with me?
Am I not enough?

I don't understand.
I know life is rough.
I know you feel lost.
But please don't push me away.

I don't understand.
Why do I have to keep convincing you to stay?
Several times you've tried to leave,
And then turn around and tell me you love me.
Please don't leave me in the dark.
I want to help.
I want to understand.
Jack Jun 2018
She was a darker shade of crimson
A blood red in a white canopy
A glaze of hate within her core
Fermented in her bones was a black heart
A venamous kind of blood streaming through her veins
A healing soul
A darker shade
HTR Stevens Jan 2018
Everyone has a shadow;
You know what I’m talking about?
They’re not the ones that follow
Us where’er we go – in and out.

Shadows no one wants to know;
Denying them ev’n to ourselves.
In us they fester and grow,
Hidden deep where we fear to delve.

We blame the poor old devil
For the bad things we want to do.
Where we recognise evil,
We look for a scapegoat…guess who?

Shadows to haunt us by night;
In each of us a Mr. Hyde!
Dreams of demons we can’t fight;
Within each of us they reside.

We must face our weaker side;
Master the animal within!
We ourselves have to decide
If our better selves are to win.
Diamond Flame Jul 2018
You want me to
Tell you,
Show you,
Explain to you
What is wrong with me,
What goes on in my head,
My past.
You want to understand
You want to help
You want to know the real me
Who I am..

The problem is..
I don't know either.
When you mentally suffer
Since birth,
You don't know the real you
Because you don't invent yourself.
You are too busy
Spending your life convincing
Everyone
That
"I'm fine"
"I'm okay"
...
but that's only the beginning
...
" Yes, I ate today"
(I think)
"It's a cat scratch"
(There's more on my hips)
"I don't know where the bottle is"
(under my bed, empty)
"Yeah, I slept fine"
(if you call 3 hours 'fine')

Lies I'll tell to everyone..
But you, love,
Are not "everyone", but
"Everything".
You are everything to me
And yet..
I can't tell you everything.
Not yet.
I will
When the time is right
I will
Tell you,
Show you,
Explain to you
What is wrong with me,
What goes on in my head,
My past.
So you can
Understand
Help
Know the real me.
And who I am.
But..
Until then...
Can you
Stay with me
Love me
Be patient with me
?
You have no idea how much I need you..
I love you so much.
Black surges, forges piling emotion,
Foraging, attaining such predicted erosion.
Color the rubies to a diluted amber,
Brittle, dripped gems are toxic, I clamber
To the lamp as to see my implicit devotion.

Vitals ascend, and I can't perceive
This motionless forfeit I often receive.
Aid is essential, it holds potential,
To cure this conflicted, addicted vessel.
My heart on my sleeve, I'm undeceived.

I implore to explore, as breath, I leave,
So close to dying, I'm on the eve
Of darker clothing, and flowers to family,
Hallucinate my abnormalities.
Yet somehow, I am still on my feet-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated.
Diamond Flame Feb 2018
Shut.
Up.
Stop complaining.
So what if something didn't go right.
So what.
You can just shut up.

I'm a pessimistic optimist.
Look at the bright side.
At least you can see,
Talk to
Hold
Your Valentine.

Go shove
Your overrated love
Deep
Down
Your
Throat.

Choke
On
Your
Paper hearts
Overpriced candy
Flower arrangements
And wasted money.

It's just another
Greeting card holiday.

**** it, Hallmark!

Some people don't get to see their love
Some people have lost their love
Some people are alone
And some people just hate this
Stupid, unnecessary holiday
You.
Can.
Just.
****.
It.

Just **** it.
Because
If you really love someone,
You tell them
Show them
Treat them right
EVERY.
****.
*******.
DAY.
NOT JUST WHEN SOCIETY
******* TELLS YOU TO!

It's not love
If you have to be reminded.

Don't be afraid to express love.
So what if you care about someone
Other than yourself.
It's a change from some people.

•••••

Sorry.
Craving physical love
Such as the simplest touch
....
It drives you insane.

So go on.
Pay no attention
To this free verse
Rant of mine.
I just wish to hold
My intangible valentine.
Diamond Flame Jul 2018
I'm intoxicated by your love, lips, touch
And can't get enough of you
I'm absolutely in love with you
I wish I could live in your arms
I wish you could've stayed longer
I look up; I see the stars shine so bright.
It reminds me of the sparkle in your eyes.
I only wish I could capture that light.

My love, you take my breath away
I wish we didn't need oxygen, so our lips never have to separate
Oh dear God, I'm high on your love.
I never want to be sober

Darling, you are my everything.
Without you I...
I'm simply nothing.
I'm absolutely nothing without you;
Without your love.

This is just a love poem.
Another pile of mush
That sets my heart free
And tells by buzzing mind to hush.

It's about you
And yet
I'll probably never show you
Because
It's just another mushy love poem
That doesn't matter all that much.
Timur Shamatov Dec 2018
The rain came down in sheets that night
Thunder, as lightning split the sky
In that flash of light I saw you at my door
Your tear filled eyes glistened in a dark.
You want it darker?

Whistles of the wind through wires as
Rain knocked agains the windows of my room
Glass of wine in candle’s dancing light
Drama of the one you left behind.
You want it darker?

Your story was so incredibly complexed
In the way of pain inflicted perfect storm
How the one you love - left you broken
Hurting, at my door, looking for revenge.
You want it darker?

With every kiss our friendship’s dying
With every teardrop revenge was growing hotter
No love can heal the pain we’re causing
As we fell lower our fury burnt brighter.
You want it darker?

Like stars on a cloudy night
My true feelings were hiding in a dark
I couldn’t even look you directly in your eyes
Cause through you I was making love to her.
You want it darker?

Agonizing pain of self Inflicted cuts
Hearts drained of passion, dying fast
We both knew that you’re in love with him
I’m still in love with fading light of her.
You want it darker?

Like waves crashing agains a shore
I felt your pain collide with mine
Eyes wide shut as we reached out to touch
In our minds we wanted the ones that we were not.
You want it darker?

Dying candles flicker in a rays of raising sun
Lifeless hearts, falling out of lovers grasp
I used the blood for ink to pen this poem as
Angels wept in sheets the night before.

You want it darker.....
The words we use say much about the order of things
and about our desired position in life.

They say I'm an innocent boy and perhaps
I am among the more experienced criminals.
I thought myself well-versed in the
dark-arts. There's always more to learn.
Last night I witnessed the proclivity of cathinones
to induce compulsive redosing when smoked.
My initial assessment of pentylone was off the mark
and that scene from last night stuck in my mind,
Seeing research chemical smoked off tin foil.
I did not discover this fiendishness, but
I bore witness to it, and it hammered home
how out of touch I am with a world I once lived.
I wonder if I felt the wrong sort of compassion,
But is it ever wrong to feel compassion?
Why did I feel cognitive dissonance?
Have I changed so much?
Who is it that feels these things?
So many questions. I'd quiet my mind.

These thoughts reflect much about the order of things
and my as yet undetermined position in life.
Who to be; who am I; what decides?
Future.
A future with you should excite me.
But..I...
My future and past are attacking my present.
I want to be with you,
But because of my past, Im afraid to.
Overthinking,
My mind is filled with
"What if"

My past haunts me
Makes the several possible outcomes for my-
Our future
Scary.
Terrifying.
Petrifying.

It's something I can seem to overcome
Because I'm overwhelmed.
It hard to admit..
But I'm...
I'm scared.
I'm lost.

You say to take a leap of faith.
But I need to see
Where my feet will land
I have no wings.
Dont expect me to fly.
I think you have too much faith in me..
CA Guilfoyle Jul 2018
All day long with clouds and birds
greens and blues moving through the water
I wish my fingers were water color crayons
to paint these scenes on leaves of paper
to capture water drops on stones, lighter, darker
the sky, the soft rain I taste
all the ways I lived this day.
In the morning to wake up
deep and breathing in
an ancient forest.
Cné May 2017
shadows in the morning mist
phantoms in the fog
echoes in the murky light
that bounce around the bog.

from the chasms in my mind
where darker creatures dwell.
i looked into the deep abyss
and caught a glimpse of Hell.

where winged angels fear to tread,
my dreams in twisted pose
descend with me to Hades' realm
where nothing ever grows.

except the fear i keep within
which never seems to sleep.
and this will grow in leaps and bounds
as lower down I creep.

but faith will rescue all despair.  
the morning mist will rise.
the sun will drive the demons back
to darkness where they thrive.

the angels take me in their arms
and raise me from the grave.
the darkest places close again
and trees, in breezes wave.

dark though dreams can often be,
the dawn will ever rise.
i wear faith like armor
and see through his disguise.

the Devil, ever vigilant,
invades when i am weak.
even if i'm innocent,
my fall he'll always seek.
Inspired by Traveler and Temporal Fugue
Philip V Jul 2018
Needles?
They don't cut
They only leave a sting

For about a moment there
I was content meeting
The chills

And so,
What dies will soon
Become what is known
As the pain that separates
The heart from the soul

It's a pain that doesn't
Understand why it's there
Never have I loved so much
And never did you care.
the soul is forever. and ever.
Patrick Apr 29
I looked at you and I saw the Light;
A light so bright that I could not look away.
With but one gaze upon the light,
I was hooked; My heart took flight.
The rays of light felt pure and sweet;
The joy it brought was unmatched by any other feat.
And for that, I must say thank you.

You helped me see that light again;
But the spark of light I witnessed was not meant to last.
Try as I might, the spark disappeared.
And I was left wondering how could I live with the fear?
The fear of darkness, without ever another spark.

Can you live in darkness without becoming dark?
David R Jun 2018
Round about is deep black darkness,
Darker than the blackest night,
Whispering deep 'n dreadful murmurs.
Bird dropped dead in midflight.

Blind and weeping, lifeless attle,
What you see is your own soul,
Burnt and weary from the battle.
Disenchanted from its goal.

In the ash, a spark she smoulders,
Crackling, rasping, wounded warrior,
Briars squeeze her neck and shoulders,
Suffocating in smog-fill'd air.

Deep within stagnating water,
Crystal-clear elixir tear,
Rippling movement, life astir,
Phoenix rises from the slaughter.

Still she rises, Golden Daughter,
Fears no longer yonder fright,
Strength within from those who fought Her,
Blackest night turned brightest light.
Katey Nov 2018
Funnest memories during the brightest of sun
Victory temporarily triumphing over the nothingness
But like a sun ray
it moves along to darken someone else's day.
The night comes bringing with it in companionship the grey
Why does the night last longer?
Wishes to feel the sun warm their back scattered like leaves in the fall.
Forgotten
Lost
petalsofhope Nov 2013
skies darker than midnight
eyes wider than owl
freshened grasses beneath us
splattered stars above us
let's gaze up
help them find their way to each other
link those twinkles into constellations
our fingers intertwined
as thoughts wander about
green pupils unseen

we're no longer nocturnal
feeling productive at 4am
Samantha Nguyen Jul 2018
we kissed.
"are you happier now." you said.
nobody's ever going
to
          love
                    me.
but at least sadness doesn't devour me as easily.
i got thoughts to banish the
          sadness
and
                    pain.
the only thing i've ever wanted was for someone to love me.
it's a tragedy.
this is a love story that will end like r + j.
but unlike shakespeare, my brain isn't dead.
i will fight for love like the capulets and montagues.
i will die for this love to last.
and i will do anything just to make you happy.
but yet,
                    i'm
still
          not
loved.
it's impossible for someone like him, my romeo whose eyes are darker than the night sky,
to fall for a vulnerable juliet, who on the inside is a weak, emotionless girl who doesn't ever
get
what
she
wants.
when will you love me.
Amanda Mar 2014
The bags under your eyes
grow darker and darker as the days pass
you insist that youre fine
I place a kiss on my forehead.
Your tired eyes are telling of the wars you fight every night
But
you're bound to crash sooner or later
so curl up by my side
intertwine your hand with mine
and rest your tired eyes
just a little thing to remind my tired boyfriend to sleep every so often. he sleeps maybe 3 hours a night..anyone have any solutions
Gabriel Ibarra Aug 2018
Often times my mind does wander wildly
Thoughts where I wonder who I would be
Without my past flames that kept me sane
And without my darker days would I have still remained the same
Or would I be a lesser version of me now
Immersed in the aversion of my mistakes and doubts
Cause we all know I've got plenty. What's new?
Maybe one day maybe I'll see things from a different altitude
My higher learning certain forever searching for a purpose
I may never find cause nothings ever perfect
Deepening lines, wrinkles in time, and broken remnants
Of who we used to be, whoever we are, and what we're destined
Catharsis Apr 2017
I sit alone in the dark sometimes,
In company there is no comfort,
Death visits without disguise,
And I know my days are numbered.

Am I going mad, this I just don’t know,
My thoughts are as black as ink,
Darker than a crow,
I don’t know what to think.

If I tried to explain my thoughts,
You’d just think I’m crazy,
My mind is ******* in knots,
All my thoughts are hazy.

It’s hard to say what I think sometimes,
It’s easier to write poems with rhymes.
this is a sonnet that i wrote for a project
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