Her poetry was like a living  organism
that changes form  every minute
by the chemical change it undergoes
within me, the reader's mind,
each avatar did a dance different
so much  the symbols and cryptograms spoke
right from time capsules of subconscious,
I had to choose from this or that.
I looked deep in to her eyes and read silently
words, one feels are severely limited, at times
much goes unexpressed for want of words
"exquisite" in such occasion is an expression
that has lost its sharp edges, due to overuse
so i smiled, I hope  in a way most expressive
of the spirit the poem reflected
but  more was in the poem, I sure felt,
beyond my view, some  hidden pathways exist
my ears craved for hidden voices, and I told her this
evening set the stage for her recitation
we walked the country road and she began
very solemn at first, then the words took
a life of their own and became palpable
I felt I was in presence of an oracle
who receives divine command from universe
a spirit that sprung from subconscious
was heard speaking in her throbbing words
the folk walking the path stood and listened,
the look on those faces were unmistakable
a knowing  beyond the  meaning it was.

You don't have to worry
I won't be here long
I only stopped by to grab a few things
Before I go

Nothing has changed, has it?
Oh, but who am I trying to fool?
I only said that because I was disoriented
By how different it all is, the furniture you've moved
I don't suppose it could have been any different
Had I hung around to watch you move it
We both know I couldn't have helped you
I wasn't strong enough and I don't mind admitting that
I only wish you had understood
That you had known just how much I liked the loveseat against the west wall
That you hadn't held it against me, my weakness, I couldn't lift those things
I didn't want to lift them and maybe that's something you didn't get
Of all the things you could have gotten
Had you not known how cheaply I could be had
You have no grasp whatsoever of Feng Shui
Or most likely it's my own inability to appreciate it
Yes, that's the truth, when you get down to it

I dreamed I saw you
Standing at an open window
4 stories high, looking down at a flag waving in the breeze
Leaning forward slightly
My gut clenched in fear
I felt worry like a strong breeze
Pushing me toward you
Stopped by some invisible responsibility
"If you love somebody, set them free"
That stupid song started playing in my head and I froze in my tracks
Even as you leaned forward even more
I thought
The possibility that you would fall outweighed
The likelihood that you would not
In that realization I saw what was wrong with me
Just like the time when I was 6 years old, playing in the park
Dad was at the picnic table playing cards with his friends
(That's what they liked to do)
I climbed up to the top of a very high slide
All by myself, no one to help me, no big deal
But he saw me
He felt the same breeze, almost like an East wind ushering in a thunderstorm
He stood up, a reflex, an instinct
And he watched with the same tingle of fear I felt in my dream
With every bit of strength within him he stayed
He was a real worrier, yet he overcame that worry
Just
Long
Enough
To see me laughing as I made my way down that slide
I love him for that
It was many, many years after that I finally came to understand
How essential are the words:
"Be Careful"
So that's what I said to you
Watching you bend over even more
Forgiving myself for being so worried
Because if you had fallen
I would have lived the rest of my life
Wondering why I didn't jump out after you

Those last days were kind of rough, weren't they?
The fights over who kept what and what was whose
The resigned silence
Reading each others minds, or so we thought
We might as well have been illiterate for our ability
Blame cast in every direction like fiery arrows deflected
By shields of indifference
I won't say I'm the innocent one
I won't be here for long
I only came to grab a few things
Soon be gone

This is not for you
Think what you will, I know you do
This is not even for me
Written, forgotten, that's how it must be
My codes are easily deciphered
Your cryptograms are broken
Not as clever, either one of us, as we thought
So it's better to be forthright
This place is so unfamiliar
It's impossible to believe I lived here for so long
It's yours now
If I could only ask for the DVD of "The Truman Show" beneath the books in "our" bedroom
I know you always thought of it as yours
But...

So now I'll be going
Hope I haven't kept you too long
I got what I came for
Turn away, love, I'm gone

if I seem desperate, it's because i am.
i don't care about dignity.
i care about you.

how many nights in a row can I drink white russian daiquiris
and smack ink onto a blank sheet before I realize
that I haven't pressed the "J" key even once
in hopes that my brain won't jumble the letters
and create word searches with only your name in the word bank.
i'm not dyslexic but I do love puzzles.
crosswords, jigsaws, multi-colored cubes,
cryptograms, mazes, tetris, Sudoku...
the only one I can't seem to solve is you.

****.
Once again, I'm stuck.

Scarabs dance impositions across your navel,
flattening themselves out in honour of your belly,
as I am watching your pulse spell out cryptograms
just below your pink
hairless
skin.

I lap the insects up like a patient kitten, lingering too long
(just long enough)
as the tips of my fingers press down on your
pulsing
hieroglyphics.

Tears and Blisters,
Co-conspirators,
Connected in body and spirit;
As only twin sisters can know.
Their attachments grow;
From first beat and breath,
Then blanket-warm *******,
Searching with eyes,
Reaching with smiles.

A double stroller sets their stage:
Two of these and those for every age.
One sitting, one pushing
The swing on the tree;
One feeling, one sensing
What either one sees.
One pitching, one catching,
Which one doesn't matter;
No visible signals to out the batter.
Like sparring partners in the ring,
Tin cans or mittens joined by string,
Or watching backs like tandeming.

Enigmatic in fact or fiction,
Like the Rosetta for hieroglyphics;
Communicating cryptograms.
The embodiment of the Venn diagram.

The mirror image can be deceptive,
Right seems left when reflected;
Unique and semi-mystical,
As snowflakes or ice crystals;
Yet tight as rings round trees.
Our tears and blisters,
Though twin sisters,
Will divulge individuality.

          (And I'll be round to play some doubles,
           You on one side // and me with your mother.
           Euchre, crib, tennis, golf;
           Or whatever you choose.
           The gloves are off.)

Lush tree sways in wind,
Sun ☀️ sends cryptograms through it;
I am in their plot!

Cryptograms:
Secret messages waiting to be revealed
A symbol shields the letter in hiding.
Gee, a hint would sure sound nice,
But cryptographers aren’t always that merciful.
There are times where I am left
To guess, err, and scribble down
The correct corresponding equivalency,
Z=A, for instance,
Until I arrive at the satisfactory accomplishment
Of a puzzle solved and a stronger knowledge of code.

Jumbles:
Another newspaper favorite,
Words appear as sloppy anagrams,
Which requires much staring and mental shifting
Of letters until a rearranged combination of letters
Produces an existent word approved by Oxford or Webster.
Within each blank printed box is a certain number of circles,
The puzzler, guessing the words from each row of nonsensical anagrams,
Gathers the letters in the circumscribed spaces
Only to do more mental or written unscrambling
As no answer exists without persistence and resilience.

Crosswords:
My “worst nightmare” in the world of puzzles,
The only enigmas where I have to leave enigmas be
Because I always fall behind in experience and knowledge
To have any clue of what the hints mean,
For some hints are implicit cryptograms,
The solver needs to consider each word of the hint closely
To understand the pun, the sarcasm, wrapped up in the obvious literalism.
Some days I come close
To filling in all up-words and down-words,
But realize that I am never quite right, even in my most confident state.

Is a puzzle ever truly solved?
I don’t know! Figure it out yourself!

i'm an enigma,
more complex than cryptograms

the blade making love to the skin during night,
a smile shining as bright as the sun during the day

moods changing faster than the weather

most people come out during a hurricane
thinking that it's stopped
but in reality it's just the eye of it

the storm will hit again
don't believe what you see
my storm isn't over either

Livingsocial at 324 Level Road
circa post high school graduation
found yours truly voluntarily holed up
for an inordinate amount of time
within familiar four walls of his bedroom.

He preferred solitude versus
interacting with either his father or mother,
practicing perfect aggressive passive posture
whereby one or the other parent hurled curses.

Non-social trademark characteristic
thwarted him joining in any reindeer games,
being withdrawn and undersized
overlaid with figurative veneer of anxiety
and a submucosal cleft palate to boot
condemned him to lapse into
comfortably numb state of isolation and loneliness.

Escapism courtesy binge reading
attempting to relish every tome
contributed to purposefulness
helping to answer why I did exist
plus acquisition of knowledge
kindled gray matter approximately
size of left and right fist
allowed, enabled, and provided grist

buzzfeeding overactive imagination
engendering fantasies, you get the jist
at expense of never getting son kissed
during pre/post adolescence
essentially a wallflower
major/minor milestones missed
(such as going to the prom)
in retrospect, I feel grievously ******.

Solitary non trivial pursuits,
across checkered past monopolized
inborn instinct never to witness
salubrious socialization to flourish,
(please don't feel sorry)
though cultivating modest knack
with English language
a commendable trait,
whether engrossed solving word games,
reading reputable news source

or turning pages of spellbinding book
galvanized mine attention
ferrying thoughts away being
figuratively hermetically sealed
secluded, sedated, (albeit narcotic
viz printed material), separated,
segregated, sequestered, settled...
away from madding crowd
including kith and kin.

Even as a darling little boy
(naive and oblivious to sax and violins)
ways and means sought
to secure absolute zero
interaction with others, I did employ
getting ably linkedin
with storied sixteenth president,
(vis a vis time traveling thru enterprising
seat of the pants experience
whizzing to and fro, hither and yon
at lightspeed helter skelter
back and forth across
space/time continuum

punctuated qua grammatical equilibrium)
spiritually invisibly convening
with alluring American historical figure
namely he who resided when elected
commander in chief
made popular the state of Illinois
analogous to Star Trek
becoming most favorite television show
in equal parts courtesy
William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy
giving legendary Helen of Troy
a run (with Paris) for her money.

Poetry writing a medium
to create embellishment
concerning mine humdrum existence
healthy development chokingly boxed
maturation of body, mind and spirit stunted
impossible mission to ameliorate indelible legacy
vibrant potential abilities sabotaged
webbed wide wakefulness smothered
psychological travails wracked mein kampf
schizoid personality disorder
stymied inherited physical, mental
and spiritual strengths,
whereby bulk of living years
populated by submissiveness.

If born during an earlier era
antedating first Industrial Revolution
hypothetical fictitious me,
would experience rural modus operandi
as fitting, perhaps apprenticed
(rustic accommodations accepted
such as still found in Lake Wobegon)
with respectable tradesman adept as printer,
a clever literate playfully mischievous lad
stealthily including personal editorials
or opinions about difficult challenges
regarding how very shy young man
feels ill at ease when attempting
to befriend a bonnie lass.

Standing in the middle of nowhere
I remember that at the end of this dusty road, there are poor lights flickering
resembles my insides because of old times
(Oh! why is it still lingering?)
Spelling 'I knew it! They're lying!'
Using cryptograms as dancing lights to disguise the warning

And now i'm back in this alley
When did these things started bleeding the royal color?
backwards, i'm walking in roses and rubies and crimson reds from myself and really?
what's with these shattered glasses?
I think it's lousy to hide the lilacs and blue tulips within

Violets and blues are not blurring my views
It's like the red and green of my worlds i made up for years
these places are soft like the grasses where you lay down after a pouring rain
and a pavement where you sit after the april sun shines on it
I'm lost in the the way it could go back and forth

And behind these places is where i'm really a part of
is a fever dream even with the daylights on
A forest that is made with hollywood signs
Hazy, defeaning, pretentious but real
A storm in mid-september that is going on for years

After mine wife
asks for this, that
or something else rife
with intent to provide barrel of laughs,
(likened to barrel of monkeys)
yours truly crafts
description how we share mirth

validating how our respective worth
matters each to the other acting childlike
to stave off altercations
that might come down figurative pike
worst case scenario whereby I strike
mine steadfast fine companion.

Neither rules nor regulations exist
to our made up silly game
whereby whenever
one of us knowingly reaches out
to latch hold of desired item
specified by name,
the other person feigns to hand over
then pulls back same
alluded to object

held aloft (think
non verbal teasing banter)
said motions sustained
moments before until...
participant/ recipient
(trying in vain to grab
their coveted cherished
jackknifed prized possession)
becomes angry as raging bull.

Ofttimes when I pretend to surrender
that specific something sought after
by her royal highness prefers advanced version,
she doth lapse into her guttural patois,
which scrambled, throttled, and vocalized
(back of the throat utterances)

metrically syncopated
(couching unspoken) unclear clues
her primal wordless request
vaguely analogous
to decipher cryptograms,
whereby, I learned to look for patterns.

Yesteryear selective pastimes
whiling away hours
included many a cognitively
challenging endeavors
comprising decoding enigmatic
intriguing looking English language riddles
located within entertainment section
of The Philadelphia Inquirer

no I could never solve sudoku,
but eldest daughter (Eden Liat -
yea "star student" who matriculated
and graduated summa *** laude
courtesy University of Pennsylvania
breezed thru those logic-based,
combinatorial number-placement puzzle.

How bland a marriage devoid of non
establishmentarian activities, none
of which include physical intimacy,
cuz me libido went south linkedin
with half dozen plus medications

yours truly readily swallows
prescribed medication to alleviate
mental health issues such as:
anxiety, obsessive compulsive behavior,
palmar hyperhidrosis,
mild depression et alia.

I'm a wolf among the sheep
A violent but necessary form of disease
I am limitless and boundless like space
My words spew like pus from my pen
Like zits in your face
Thirty-three years around the sun
Most of you cats like to rep where you from
Or talk about who's got the biggest of guns
I choose the blade and make moves with precision and love
I'm overwhelmed by desire and wealth
But keep an eye out for the wicked
Because it's bad for your health

My soul overflows with justice
Which is what this world lacks
My real name is Justin
All alone I laugh

Drugs, money and ***
Were created to keep the system in check
The sun and moon regulate our moods
Planetary alignments control and shift
Tectonic plates in retrograde
And Mercury's a *
I'm Constantine releasing dopamine
I'm conjuring the ****** of the elite
To the first degree
Blast your * to the past like Flash
Deliver us from death of flesh
The humanistic fear
Conceived from ***
A ballistic spermicidal crest appears
Branded underneath the breast
Mark of the beauty
The beast never rests

My soul overflows with justice
Which is what this world lacks
My real name is Justin
All alone I laugh

Thoroughbred prescriptions
Invented by mad scientist Christians
Infecting the future of our children's dimension
Poison in our food
Poison in our water
Pyramid scheme crops
Genetically modified marijuana
This is sweat in the sweat lodge
Flammable liquid purification of God
Same ** different day
Paradise ain't so far away
Counting down to the day
Until the human mind
Is no longer a slave
I'll be right here painting cryptograms
Inside of a cave
For the next poor batch
Of the enslaved to debate

Sitting In
Sitting in bent chair,
Joining a venture, –
Stimulus growing,
Courage just showing.

Grasping indulgencies:
What means “injustice”, is
Relevance ignorant –
Callousness indignant!..

Light goes in the dark:
Cryptograms of the ark
Open proudly –
Clear make rapidly.

Rapid stream in the marsh
Often falls through the rush,
“Slowsome –ness” monstrous
Legends paints “color –ous”!..

By of brush rays on vane
Master is not mundane –
Bending chair of crown
To those with daring gown!..