Dear Readers,

Tomorrow  (10th of September 2016) is a day called Suicide Awareness Day.  And I believe it is nothing to be ashamed about. Every 40 seconds, someone is dying because another person did not speak up. This needs to stop.

There are truly beautiful souls out there that are suffering and battling with their thoughts and minds EVERY SINGLE DAY.  And I'm not putting it light. I mean EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.The stigma that revolves around suicide , depression and mental health in general needs to permanently dissolve.

It is PERFECTLY OKAY(to talk about your mental illness and/or your struggles...it is not at all healthy to keep heavy struggles within yourself. There are people out there that truly care and that truly want to help...and I know that seems like a lie when you are in a very dark place and that is EXACTLYwhy people need to start speaking about depression and suicide almost as if you are talking about having a cup of coffee. "I'm having a cup of coffee" can be said easily and without any fear, and that is how people who are suffering from ANY MENTAL ILLNESSESshould be made to feel.

We deserve to feel SAFE, SUPPORTED,  LOVED , APPRECIATED , UNDERSTOOD. We do not deserve to feel *MISUNDERSTOOD, UNAPPRECIATED. * And we do not deserve to be looked at or treated as parasites. People with mental illnesses have emotions too, and perhaps too many. People with mental illnesses deserve extra understanding, care and love.

So please, do not be afraid to speak up. Speak to your loved ones; a simple
"Are you okay? I just want you to know I love you and appreciate you" could save someone's life.

- Crimsyy♡

#health #wellbeing #mind #suicideawareness #awareness

Ps: **Please repost this if you agree and to show support to those suffering from depression. I promise it won't ruin your profile. Thankyou so much.

I am your jungle;
You slither all over me,
climbing my trees,
suffocating my roots.

You've taught me
walking graffiti is
not welcome here,
So I do not know
why you keep me near;
I defy all your rules.

Let me be street art
for everyone to admire,
but let no one walk me;
I am a dead end.

I will capsize you,
I will exhaust every
molecule of yours
until you miss the excuse
of a heart once residing
in your bones,

And you will know how it feels
when your hands still
clutch at empty air
because I will not be there.

- Crimsyy

Today,
I just want to exist
without the burden of
a million things plummeting
on my shoulders...
I think life has driven
existence to an airport,
I think it told existence
to fly away,
and now life for living organisms
tastes like decay
and airplanes feel like
a death sentence;
not even up above the clouds
can you find peace;
gunfire and chemicals will still
find you even when you are
10 thousand feet in the air...
Today, I just want to exist
without the burden of fighting
for my own survival
but how could we possibly think
that a ceiling alone could protect us?


- Crimsyy

She won't like
what I've got to say,
Well, should have
behaved a better way,
now I'm here,
feeling my best
and I have no regrets,
tell the girl bye
because I won't cry.

I'm unapologetic,
her act, so pathetic,
she messed with a bad *****,
turned apathetic I'm
moving on to ****,
unapologetic.

And now she better
walk that other way,
better have nothing to say,
the tables have turned,
left her to burn.
You better walk that other way,
because there's nothing
left to salvage,
you messed with a savage *****
and I won't be
providing no bandage,
I've moved on, unapologetic.

- Crimsyy

**A/N: This is what occurs when someone messes with a savage poet. Here's a hint: you won't get away with it. Thankyou for reading! What do you think of this poem?

Nicotine

All these useless words
I'm using for you
are the bandaids
that soothe my wounds
when you aren't there
to make me feel as if
my breath will never cease to be
and my heart will never wish
to cease its beat beat beat.

Lately, I've taken the form of
anticipation,
but you know I'm
not very patient,
and my anticipation is
in need of liberation.
Darling, when we meet again,
I will lose it all,
forget my sanity;
I will *smother
smother smother
you in love.

- Crimsyy

**A/N: Thankyou for reading!  Please leave a comment of what you think about this poem...your comments mean a lot to me ^.^ Also, for this poem, I left some punctuation out on purpose.

What I Meant:

cue tumblr poem prompt

What I meant
the last time I said
"I love you":
  

You are destroying me
but I'm letting you,
You are a fire and
your arms around me
make my thoughts scream

This is not
just an impulse
not just a match
I'm lighting up,
This type of love
will never burn out
no matter how
many times
our lips will be
coated in ash.

I would rather decompose
than leave you,
so cover me
in a veil of your flames.

- Crimsyy

You'll pick on all my flaws
(Tonight, I felt selfish ambition)
"Fragile", it never meant "weak"
(Anger clouded my vision)
I fight you with shaky hands
and inelastic lungs,
(My mind alone could
cause our collision),
You've chosen my skin,
my skin, my skin as your prey,
but your blades only
reach surface deep,
(Resisting you is my religion)
and contrary to common belief,
I'm not praying for eternal sleep.


- Crimsyy

Hey readers!

You may have been puzzled by the last two poems...
The thing is my friend was playing around with me after I told him I was creatively blocked and those two poems happened..
But do not worry!!
I shall be back soon with masterpieces.

Thankyou!!

favourite words
they either make us
or break us
i wonder when we
started turning them
into memories of people
who didn't remember us

when did we start
turning words into
a ticket for all -
one word traded
unevenly for our souls

when did the word "love"
begin to get
tangled up with you?
you call me "lovely,"
not knowing it's my
favourite word;
i wonder if i should tell you
and then i wonder how much
humans are capable
of wrecking.

favourite words
they either make me
or break me
i wonder when i
started turning them
into memories of someone
who actually loves me.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading!
**Any thoughts on this poem?

Acetone

I'm sorry I didn't
quite know what to say
when we were sitting in
the backseat
and your mind was driving you
a million miles away,
I'm sorry he broke your heart,
how dare he take your smile apart?
I know you're coated in pain,
so I'll ask it to
slowdance with my name:
Just tell me where it hurts
and I'll bandage your wounds
with these words,
I'll bury all your rage in my hearse
where my bones will
one day decay.
And I pray no one else will ever
rip you apart
because I love you and
watching you hurt
is the hardest part.

- Crimsyy

*A/N: Oddly timed updates but that's because school has began (: Please vote and comment what you think of this poem or any constructive opinions...thankyou for reading!♡

I want to let my tears
wash me clean or
soak me until my clothes
show the ***** truth;
the insides of a vessel
affected by depression are
not always so pristine.

Do not judge this;
you do not know what it is
to haunt your own body,
to have your mind
wage war on you,
you do not know the sound
of your mind pulling 1000 triggers,
the sound of gunshots ricocheting
in your lungs;
you only know that my
breathing is shallow.

Do not call me weak just because
"I cannot stomach
the same meal twice"
when I have swallowed
the same poison
up until this moment in life
where I am learning to spit it out;
I love you, I love you, I love you
Separation, separation,  separation,
suicidal contemplation...

But of course,
tomorrow I'll be here again,
so there's nothing to worry about,
right?


- Crimsyy♡

Toluene*

He is a truly sublime being,
his "I love you's" like
sticky notes, stickers,
every embrace leaves
an imprint on my arms,
every kiss clings to my tongue
until I taste him again,
His love, an adhesive,
a sudden wallop of rapture
flowing through each
cremation chamber,
making my heart hum hum hum
a little faster faster faster
love knows no punctuation

- Crimsyy

If I had to pick a highlight of this year...

It'd be you.

I feel like I should have picked
someone closer,
someone you might call family,
a friend perhaps,

But I can't.

When my heart has been crackling,
burning by the fire that my soul ignited,
when the home in my bones
felt more like hell,
the living room became frail,
and my bed sheets became
soaked in tears,
you kept my thoughts sober.

You witnessed my intensity,
you witnessed my extremes,
you witnessed the fires
I failed to calm
when I kept bringing the burn
instead of the cold,
you've witnessed me
desiring to put my life
on permanent hold.

And still you remained..
You did not mind being
drenched in my rain,
And for that, there are no rhymes
that can thankyou.

- Crimsyy♡

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a rehearsal
it isn't picky with its cast
in fact, its director retired
the moment it met you,
now it's you

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a proposal
you are meant to be its director
but all your chords have frozen
and now all we hear is static

depression, the musical
the only musical
without a melody
i'm sorry but,
we were too sad to craft a beat
too sad to dismantle ourselves
from our beds, get up, and eat

depression, the musical
i'm too tired to stay awake
depression, the musical
a thief stealing my sleep
with all the clutter it makes

depression, the musical
the only musical
that requires therapy
you see, a musical like this
is rather toxic, rather mental,
rather real
because after all, it is all
in our heads

all in our heads.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! i hope that through this poem, i've helped someone, anyone, in some way. If you do suffer from depression, please don't hesitate to seek help. I'd like to say that, as someone who has struggled with depression, i have come a long way from where i was this time last year. Recovery is a long journey but not only is it worth it, it is possible.

I'm a cluttered fairy
strewn all over the mattress
on my stomach,
hair; a cluttered catastrophe
but in the morning I know
I'll be able to comb away
all the knots from my heart
and songs will be the match I need
to ignite a spark.
And now, I am done
with being an actress,
I am done with
overdoing things, with
overthinking about you;
have you thought of me at all today?
Either yes or no, it won't matter babe,
Ain't sure I need you to live anyway,
if I didn't cross your mind, I won't weep
I'm not alone,
it's 11:55 pm
and I'm taken by sleep.

- Crimsyy

I want to place my head
on your chest and
feel your heart race forever.

- Crimsyy♡


Something I did yesterday (26/9/16)..
and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Some things and some people are worth staying alive for.

let everyone you know and love
become a metaphor;
strip them of their normality
find the stars in his eyes
and drown in them
you must believe that everyone is a canvas, including you
so choose your decorations wisely from the palette of emotions your heart carries

when you find him
love him until you burst
and when you burst
burst until you can
no longer apologize because
maybe his hands weren't fit
to handle a love like yours

when you find him
love him until you burst and
when you burst
burst until you
don't need to apologize
because maybe his hands
are willing to handle
a soul like yours
he won't be perfect
and he will be coated
in mistakes and forgetfulness
but you'll love him anyway

look at all the stereotypes
and see what extraordinary
pieces of **** they are
look at all the people
and see that we are all
books waiting to be
understood by avid readers

feel intensely, feel sad,
feel happy
think these feelings are only
unique to you
and that only you have cracked
like a diamond under pressure

come up with artistic ways
to say no when hands begin to roam

when his tongue
crashes with yours
and when his mouth collides
with your starving lips,
make sure you stir well;
your lips feel more alive when
they're peeling and numb
from a lover
trust me

when you find yourself
become a metaphor
find the stars in your eyes
and drown in them
know that you are a canvas
and that the palette of thoughts in your mind is not as dull as you thought it would be
believe me, you are the most extraordinary being;
a bona fide alchemist.

- Crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this poem  (:

i'm not quite sure when
i fell inlove with you,
but there's no turning back
i drink you
increase my intake
the dimmer i get

i like you
hot, milky, and sweet
i drink you
not to escape reality
but to feel more awake in it

they say a good, warm cup
of anything
resembles a human embrace
so maybe it's not caffeine
i can't get enough of

maybe it's erasing
all the armless hugs
maybe it's loving myself
in ways he never did

i drink my cup of tea daily
like popping a bottle of comfort
on the weekend
increase my intake
the deeper i feel

i like my cup of tea
hot, milky, and sweet enough
to erase the sour taste
of his name dying in my mouth.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou all for reading (: any thoughts on this poem?

Numb loathing cannot portray
all the words I could say,
I may shake but
my insides rage.

Here comes my sun,
to me, you're no one
I'll be alright,
I'll sleep tonight,

You're childish, disgusting
placing empty words
where "sorry" should be,
Sorry I spat you out,
I just detest sour coffee.

Watch me set
your words on fire,
Watch me pull out
the card that'll
end this game,
watch me wash
my hands clean of you,
watch me forget
your name.

- Crimsyy

I want to feed on your heart
more than I want to feel your lips,
kisses don't heal bruises,
bandage solutions don't
wash away mistakes.

I have a tendency
to love what leaves,
and as I wait for rightful affection,
you've made my heart into
a mindless metronome,
one side of me head
over heels for you,
cannot think of ever leaving you,
but then once again,
12 am reminds me
of exactly why
I absolutely loathe you.

I could have devoured you,
swallowed you whole,
coated myself with
your very essence,
but, I could talk infinity
into trading its forever for
a nanosecond of you
and nothing would change;
I'm just a plan B for you.

I want to say I meant
"I love you",
you made some moments
truly magical so,
thankyou for stopping by,
but I cannot let you
place the moon in my sky.

- Crimsyy

i've outgrown people
and habits
the same way you've outgrown
your favourite jumper
like, remember that time
you thought i would die for you?
did you really think my
self sacrifice would go that far?
well, you weren't wrong
it would have if i had let it
but i've outgrown you
and my habits
and this you realized the day
i walked out with your heart
in my hands and crushed it
without remorse because
everyone's always got
their jaws open,
thirsty for more
and i can no longer feel guilty
for thinking of myself
because sometimes
i get thirsty too.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this one

I lay in a cluttered catastrophe
of sweat, shock, and sheets,
woke up just before I could see
what you had in store for me.
Say it now or leave me alone,
my mind is not the place
for you to roam,
won't you find
someone else to scare?
I want no part of
your decomposing dare.
I could grow fond of you,
but I'd rather not,
I'd rather not nurture you,
I guess you'll die with
an unfulfilled desire...
But who am I to
deny you your dreams?
Come in unannounced
and terrify,
terrify me.

- Crimsyy

You float around me like pollen,
but you fail to make me sneeze,
take off your veil,
and look me in the eye
before I rip your plans apart
without a single goodbye.

There are things you'll
never take from me,
such as the joy flooding my heart
when his face lights up,
the warmth I feel when I close
my eyes in the sun,
the feeling that I'm actually someone,
You'll never make me feel like no one.

How do I know I have
a beating heart
if I never bleed?
Save giving up for the weak.
I'll save deafness for your words,
no doubt I'll never listen
and they'll go unheard;
save tears for the hurt.


- Crimsyy

you can carry a heart
but you can't tell it
what to feel for you

maybe this whole time
i haven't been afraid of
falling inlove
i've just been terrified of
loving the idea of someone
so much that it overshadowed
the whole.

i haven't been afraid of
falling in love because
i've dived in so
deep under water
i don't want to see the way up
because in love, breathing
becomes less of a burden,

no i haven't been
afraid of loving,
i've just been terrified of taking
a spark

and turning it into
the whole **** fire.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! I hope you like this poem as much as i do (:

Anti is a character I've created, not a new poet name. And because characters have their own voice, Anti gets stand - alone poems without my name at the bottom of it. Because it's Anti speaking. The poems between Anti and I are exchanges of conversation, and they go in the order that I post them.. just letting everyone know, in case someone was wondering.
Comment your thoughts!!

Thankyou,

- Crimsyy

i watch the sunset
to remember that endings
can be beautiful too
and i didn't cry because
the world keeps on going on
and keeps on going on
even when we walk away
and break all the promises
that said we would stay

you can't force a dead feeling
back to life, so
just accept it all turned to dust
because what stood inbetween
familiarity and the unknown
had expired long before
you realized there was a lack
of affection

when a feeling is dead,
you can't force it back to life
and politeness can't
erase familiarity
so familiarity just hangs there,
awkward in the air
and it goes deliberately ignored
because you can't force
a dead feeling back to life,
and that's okay.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading  (:
i would really appreciate if you'd comment your thoughts on this poem.

Hey everyone!
I'm just letting anyone know that from the 1st of December to the 1st of January, I won't be posting any poetry, because I won't be writing any - it is time for a break. Every year, it happens at about this time that my creativity decides to hibernate, and so for an entire month, I'll just be collecting new material, expanding my vocabulary and planning a new series!

- Crimsyy

that night, my stomach
cramped up the nerve to ask
if i had gotten the sick out of me,
i tossed my response
in the form of mixed media
liquids, solids,
and amongst other things,
last night's dinner

my impulses don't know
how to punctuate
there are no commas
no full stops
I'm sorry sweetheart
perhaps i should have
warned you before
but understand i don't just
want to dive in with you
i want to drown in
all the warmth
so drown with me

that night, my stomach
cramped up the nerve to ask
if i had gotten the sick out of me,
i tossed my response
in the form of mixed media
liquids, solids,
last night's dinner,
and amongst other things
his name or maybe yours
you see, i remember
all the things gone bad,
conversations him and i
never got to have
but lately i've been keeping
my face towards the sunlight

my entire being is reacting,
making metaphors out of
12 a.m vomiting incidents,
my entire being is reacting
even when my body is still,
i am still trying my very best
to get the sick out of me.

- Crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! for anyone who's wondering, the 12 a.m vomiting incident that inspired this entire poem did actually happen and it was terrible. Hopefully the poem is better (:

one day maybe i'll stop
turning everything i look at
into gold

will i stop because i want to, or because i think i should?

i turn a thunderstorm
into a perfect night,
lamp on, window open,
heart happy

one day maybe i'll stop
turning every person i look at
into gold

but this is not the poem
where i apologize for seeing
the best in everyone
without even trying

this is not the poem
where i ask to be excused
this is not the poem
where i regret every time
that seeing the best in someone
took the worst toll on me

this is the poem
where i fully embrace alchemy
and all the beauty it
has let me see.

- crimsyy

a/n: why apologize for feeling and seeing until you burst? if you have a big heart, show it proudly - there's no need to apologize for it.

Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
Quit haunting my eyes
when they close.
I'm sick of dreaming
of you in colour,
when you should be stored away in monochrome.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
I may have wiped away
any traces,
but it still wouldn't erase you,
especially when my words
are still dripping with your remains.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
There is far more than what your eyes perceive.
Your assumptions devour
any piece of my show,
they turn into thieves,
hungry teeth eating away understanding,
licking up any scene.
Excuse me,
but could you just leave?
I can no longer taste love letters
and believe.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading!! What are your thoughts on this one?

I'm dry right now,
no tears are left
but you still make me fall
and you still tighten up my chest.
It feels un-natural;
how I've fallen but feel
nothing yet.
My bones ache for your embrace,
but you're a broken skeleton,
you cannot hold me,
you cannot hold a commitment
or even a conversation.
I can't remember the last time
I heard you speak.
The last time might've been
the first time,
I don't know what
there is to miss.
I'll turn a blind eye when
gasoline tempts me,
my carelessness will be my bliss.
You're wrapped in indifference
and you will not unfold for me
because you couldn't care less,
indifferent to a lifetime of
armless hugs;
the walls of your skull
have never memorized
my first heartbeat
because no one ever taught you how to try,
and I don't want your presence
to be my neighbour,
because your love
feels like forced labour.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! What are your thoughts on this one?

I've learned to pull out the plug
when enough is enough,
because flesh and minds
sometimes are too much,
I know you've realized it now
but it's too late
and there's no going back,
no erasing mistakes.

I could wipe your slate clean
but I'm caught in
a mess you made,
torn between which side to take
and which one to forsake,

and now your face is
turning red from rage or regret,
because I won't choke on
the words I said,

and someone will miss you,
someone will miss you,
someone will miss you,
but that someone isn't me.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! The moral of this one is - actually, I'll let you work that out ;) What do you think of this one?

The season's now complete
and your winter's unforgiving
unless you let it show its teeth
and your skin's so pale,
your winter's made you frail.

How can you stand to love it so?
Why does your mind absorb everything?
How could you stand to
be with such a liar?
Winter's constantly
playing with your wires.

And I hate how you're
embracing this cold
like it's a part of you,
friend, please
I've never seen you so blue.

And I hate this winter,
I loathe your pain
how can I love winter
when there's hail in your brain?

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading (: Any thoughts on this one?

I never liked the way
she smiled at you,
never liked the way she
hugged the corners
of every door,
never liked her clothes,
never liked her sitting so close.

I plastered a smile on my face
just for the night,
just for your night,
but that small curve
turned into a straight line.

Green's a cliché,
my eyes saw all
my pleasantness fading away.
Now won't she stay in her line?
Can't **** with what's mine.

- Crimsyy

A/N: Thankyou so much for reading! Any feedback on this?

My thoughts are misled,
you're keeping my anxiety fed,
but I'll be with you
until this war ends.

My meal has lost its flavour,
bleak and plain,
my mind's geometry is denial
as I picture blood stains

How can I forget
you begging me for a way home?
No, not just yet, I plead
I won't leave you alone

And now my temples throb
as I seek the evidence
fighting against your decadence.
I can't find the key to
unlock my sanity,
so I grab a bobby pin,
but concern plays my mind
like a howling violin.

- Crimsyy

I can't place a
blanket over you anymore,
I can't love you like
this July cold,
the cold air presses such icy kisses on my cheeks,
but when I think of you,
all I can do is seethe.

I never wanted you to be
this crimson scar
I hold in my chest,
I never thought you'd be
a suffocation of all the best.

You paint me in shades
of red regret,
and I wonder
how long this rage
will cling to me
and when it'll
make a cemetery in my heart for all the words
I haven't said yet.

You wore me like jewellery
and I was yours while
times were golden,
but in your misery
it seems you've forgotten
who I am to you
and what I'm trying to do.

And I don't know
if I can stay,
or if I should just
turn my face away.

- Crimsyy

I have tasted hearts
that have had
the same effect as
getting drunk on chloroform,

I have shaken hands
which promised to feed me,
but ended up choking me instead,

And
I have had to
contain myself
all those times no one
realised that I wasn't "just
tired" and that if I WAS tired,
sleep would not fix it anyway,
sleep was foreign to me anyway,
sleep consisted of nightmares
that I couldn't run away from,

Because you can't run away
from breathing;
But I'm here now,
And I'm glad.

- Crimsyy♡



the poet
born with ferocity
she shook the earth
and left a mark on your skin
she resonated and through
carefully constructed words,
she wept

she works
behind closed doors
lights dim and her dimmer
but like a phoenix
she will rise again
she's paid the cost
in pain and tears

welcome to the golden years.

- crimsyy