I was friended on facebook by a stranger.
Usually this means I went somewhere and inspired someone with my
Personality or
Flirtation to look me up,
Or maybe a friend, of a friend, of a friend, thinks I'm cute and
Stalked my profile.
Maybe, I'm just an attempt at a ******* to this person.
Which I'm normally super okay with,
But here's the thing.
It was a man.
Now, this is not an issue to me, specifically.
I am in fact bisexual, but that's more of a title,
I mean, I've never been
Penetrated, by a man before.
N-not that I wouldn't be.
But we don't call virgins asexual because they haven't had *** yet so,
I just say bi.
Anyway, this man starts the conversation: "hello! with a smiley face."

I over analyze this: "hello! with a smiley face."
What does it mean?!
I stalk his profile.
Is he cute? Not really, but he isn't ugly.
I've never been attracted to men physically anyway it's always the
Personality,
Or icy blue eyes that pull me in.
And this man wears drag and rocks it so I will probably like him.
I don't know why, but I have a thing for lesbians and
Lesbian like things. It's really....
Destructive.
We have a little conversation and It's fairly innocent
Until he hits me with this line:
"Pretty boys down on their luck, is a sight I am unable to stand."

There it is!
I knew it!
This man is flirting with me!
I could smell it from a mile away.
I know this game.
I've been on
His side of this conversation a million times.
But, i've never known what it feels like to be here.
In this weird space, on the other side.
Getting complimented.
I never get complimented!
At most I get a half-hearted handsome after I
Confess my addiction to a woman's beauty.
Never, am I put on such a pedestal.
I mean, this stranger clearly wants their ***** inside of me.
I can think of no higher compliment.

Things escalate very quickly. Too quickly.

"I have a big bed, and I'm ready for a night of boys, *****, and another B word."

I, an idiot, honestly can't think of the third b word.
"Uh... bacon?
Backrubs?"

"No sweetie, *******."
"*******!?"

What did i get myself into? I had
Absolutely no intention of seeing this guy
EVER and now he thinks I want to come over
TONIGHT for
*******

How did I get myself into this?
What did I say?
What possibly could have made him think i was interested?
Is it just because I haven't bluntly said no?
I scroll up and search for an answer.

"You're pretty cute yourself."

****...      
Yup, that'll do it.

He says:
"Mmmmnfff, You're adorable"

These compliments though! I get
Tingles every time he says something like that to me.
It's so nice that it's entirely worth just
Dealing with the creepiness to hear it.

And then I realized....
That this is what it feels like.
This is how woman feel when we ask to
**** before getting to know them.
It's dangerous.
Like jumping off a cliff and hoping for a trampoline.
It's almost, always,
Rocks.

He says:
"Are you familiar with what consent is? because
I've had issues with that."
"Are you going to be one of those straight boys who are just
Wasting my time?
I hate having my time wasted."

I, realizing now what I'd gotten myself into, say:
"As a matter of fact, I am...
Sorry to have wasted your time, but at least I told you now.
A lot of girls don't"

you know
when i first beheld the icy greyness
of this giant sepulchral building
a giantness of Empty
a giantness of unrecognised surreal faces
a giantness of being sorta kinda lost
a giant lostness of slamming into glass doors
hurriedly breaking out
to a place i wanted to know

when i first beheld that giantness
i had never thought
imagined felt conceived
hell i had it all figured out
in what i thought was a deep deep experience

i had never thought
it would be that crisp
that quick
the creepiness of mounting heartbeat
pounding like a drumbeat
rising out into the rosiness of dawn
full of a wisdom of it's own experience

that it would be that supple
lifting me with effortlessness
like a wave of adrenaline
rush; gushing into my
guts; breaking out like
a furious river bent on
flowing with the vastness of the ocean
and the innocence of the sky

i had never thought
that is how you have a Crush.

A hippy child by birth
Preordained as a psychic,
Gyspie of thieving church.
Dandelions art their thirst
Days groweth colder
Downtime gets worse
Smiling faces sicken them
When others smile back
Melatonin
Vitamin d
F
And c
Sickened by mailing
Babble trawling
Click lick chatter
Bit wit batter
Shocked to sloth
And madness of creepiness..

I only closed my eyes for a second

The death forest surrounds me.
Ghostly white trees mocking me in their silence
Woven bleached bones of all the fallen
bound together, glowing under a pale full moon
Empty eye sockets peering at me
as I weave in and out of their grasp
Inside the mist, stumbling without guidance

There’s an old man, sitting in one of the trees
laughing at the insanity but oddly distressed,
smiling at me. Cackling with glee but weeping
as he reaches out to touch my hair and sweep it
behind one ear. It’s comforting in it’s creepiness

He’s whispering to me in a smoke scratched voice
Comfort is as comfort does
Redemption is not at the foot of a hill
Catch a tiger by the tail
and it’s your blood that will spill
All I can hear is booming laughter
that shake the leaves of the bone dead trees
and as I watch them fall to the ground and turn to ash
I realize the old man never even opened his mouth

Then it’s all gone*

I’m back to sitting in front of a stone cold hearth
ripping pages from the book of my mind
and watching my Memories feed the fire
as I poke it with a red hot piece of steel
It was all the fodder for the fire I could find
Sipping from the crystal goblet filled to the brim
with Lies mixed with Deceit with a slice of lemon
and a dash of Arsenic just for a kick
The fire casts prisms of light bouncing from the crystal
onto bare walls to show a slow waltz of torture
that bleeds down the bricks in sinking desperation
A rainbow of colors from a ***** oil slick

here you are on my bed
staring up at me with your
olive black eyes.
fur that isn't really fur
has matted
yet its soft flicks
please the senses in my fingers
and nails.
Grubby.
You would seem like this to everyone else.

But here you are in all your glory.
White fur now the colour of stale tea
and the ribbon as pink as a baby's bottom is
soured by all those nights asleep.

The comfort of your odour and cuddle.
All this sounds silly.
I'm only talking about a bear.

A bear that has shared my existence.
There is no creepiness. It is a fact that my bear
has shared my bed.
But my bear has shared my dreams,
the true thoughts in my little world.
We're in unison.

And it isn't materialistic either,
to love an object.
And it isn't ridiculous either,
to love a bear.
And it isn't fair,
that fragility has got the better of him,
for what has my bear
ever done in this world
to deserve the torment of degeneration?

So now I sit here,
writing in front of you bear.
We share it all
but time has got the better of you.
You're not going up into the loft,
but honestly
soon you'll be off my bed.
cause that's life
and I need to learn that you're
only just a bear full of cramped stuffing
and not my thoughts and dreams.

Except he thinks I'm
Crazy
Weird
Creepy
But he laughs at my jokes
And tells me when he wants me closer
So he likes my crazy, weird creepiness
And I like his accent, his intellect,
his hair, his good

A hippy child by birth
Preordained as a psychic,
Gyspie of thieving church.
Dandelions art their thirst
Days groweth colder
Downtime gets worse
Smiling faces sicken them
When others smile back
Melatonin
Vitamin d
F
And c
Sickened by mailing
Babble trawling
Click lick chatter
Bit wit batter
Shocked to sloth
And madness of creepiness

©brandon nagley
©lonesome poets poetry

I Know In The Cold Front When The Snow Comes,
No Coat It Will Be So Cold, I Won’t Hold No Gun,
Earth Is My Paranormal Curse, I’m So Done,
Inside Is So Dark, I Don’t Know Sun,
I Bleed For Valerie,
The Rose I’m Holding Is Darker Than Black,
Memories That May Never Be,
In My Dreams Contact,
I’m Further Than Where Feathers Sing,
Beyond That,
I Crave Company,
Who Really Loves You,
Who Really Loves We,
All Ghost But Me,
Physical Form,
Aint The Norm,
Spirts Swarm,
I Feel Like I Never Had Dreams Only Demons Before,
I Feel Creepiness Creeping In My Core,
Stronger Than Ever Before,
I Cant Ignore,
I Feel Like , A Still Night,
Grave Yard Tomb Side, With A Huge Size Steel Knife,
Sliced Deep Through My Check And My Wind Pipe,
I Crave Life,
The Woman Of My Dreams I Need, I See White,
Than Feel Black,
I’m So Alone So If I Slice My Throat, Idk If I Should Feel Bad,
When I Really Need A Coat,
Nobody Shows,
So If Tonight’s The Show,
Where I Watch My Life Go,
The Clock Is Frozen,
My Box Is Stone,
Grave Yards Are All I Think About,
I Think To Deep,
Who Can See What I Perceive,
Nobody So Don’t Plead Me To Think It Out,
Holy Water In The Sink Is Down,
And When I Drink It,
I’m Smoke And Howl,
Ashes, Fallen Like Dead Skin,
I’m A Not Here,
My Head Spins,
Dimensions That Are Neglected,
Is Where My Heads Been,

What rhymes with forgiveness?
Death's kiss....torment of hell's eternal bliss.
She walks beside me, my darker side.
A duel person a shadow divides.
Traveling in the same direction with a parallel flow.
My shadow like a carbon copy of my spirit.
But less transparent & hollow.
Quietly it follows.
We are a team an essence through light.
Like fog or steam the silouhette doesn't gleam.
Passing cars change it's angle.
The image abscurred & mangled.
Darkness entangles.
Creepiness chokes & strangles.
My consicous mind out of my body.
Hovers above my bed like astro projection.
In a life after your dead.
You can't escape death.
Live your life until your last breath.
Children are sacred should never die.
My daughter is precious I would give my life for her.
It doesn't matter how much you have in cash.
You can't buy back your life in dollars or cents.
Your whole life you work to pay rent.
Death is sudden, life is gone in a flash.

It got no meaning while you all say
Forget it – this matters nothing
My dab brain never understood
The logics- or the passions
I couldn't submersed with your identities
Or ideologies  here it is despite all the banishing
Have you long gone missing elsewhere?
Just our caramels and sweetness – or the madness
I couldn't care about it; I couldn't mend anything
While for all the mistakes
And all the words..It all consumed my thoughtfulness
Nor longing to express- any wildest idea
Or fancy thoughts ..i deem to be a mad one
in somewhere else; whom you could not wish to be with
Now all your bones crackle up inside
Breaking up- decaying minute by minute
I'm set off on roads again – not desiring to be known
Had to desire too much of my desires!
We ain't know what is all about- and your creepiness
There was a moment- some hid moments
Where I ought to be good..you got me
You get me going with nowhere..and I sent my hopes to wondering winds
Swirling around like myself
Where they all existed once …letting go became too common
It cease to occur who were they; in real
And the reality got polluted forever !

i stare at the candlelight inside this dark house..

i remember when u and i did such things..

but i await something sinister tonight..

the candle seems to amplify the creepiness of my shadow as it dances and seems to engulf the entire room behind me..

i play our song on the violin you gave me..

nothing seems to happen as they said it would..

i have finished our song and notice that the song continues to play even though i have stopped..

to my sudden horror and amazement my shadow continues to play..

its so beautiful and wicked all at once..

as my shadow plays on i see your shadow come to him..

our shadows then hold each other and almost seem to look to me..

i begin to play for them as they dance the dance of shadows upon this wicked night..

what have i done!? my soul cannot leave this place without my shadow..

as they will dance forever upon these walls..

shadows riddled with creepiness
the eerie flapping of bat wings
not one single star that glow above
nights skies of hovering darkness
in whistling wind brittle trees crackle
nothing but puffs of stale air sings
eyes guarded seeing supersizing fright
in every corner are passing silhouettes
across faces painted mask hang to scare
howling, moans and screams running feet
fooling pranks and gags galore of fun
smiles and laughter from trick or treat
children hunting candy in the night

I'm Afraid of mirrors
Not because of the creepiness of them
Not because it shows my reflection

I'm Scared of mirrors because I see the scars
They are not visible to the eye
They are mental scares

I'm afraid of mirrors
They are scars only I can see
When I look in the mirror
I see the time I almost ended it
I see the black eye my abusive brother had gave me
I see the thousands of times I've cried
wanting the end the pain

I'm afraid of mirrors

A spider made its way into my bed last night
I saw the crawly creepiness
In laptop keyboard lights
I let it clear the alphabet
And smashed it on the flat
It was pale yellow
The color of infection
Invading my space
Disturbing my peace
A mindless jumble of nerves
Biting in survival mode, if pressed
Even its death
And splattering were disgusting
Legs and juice
I floodlit the ceiling
And the walls
In an all out search, for his brother
Nothing
Still uneasy
I slept on the couch

Once upon a midnight fright, A raven found its way into my life, I could see his pains through his eyes while he was looking at me, I started feeling weak and somewhat weary, things are getting kind of scary.
Ding-**** and old bell wrung from far, Oh, how the sound left a mark on my heart. Where words of the past, started making its way back. I felt I was about to have a heart attack when I started getting old flashbacks, over many quieting times of the dark side of my mind.
The curious volume of what was then, I truly thought was forgotten, until the old raven started doing his knocking. He was jabbing and tapping upon my bedroom window. While I was sleeping in the silence of a dream, but before long I have seen myself looked away in a chamber of pain.
A place where the walls are gray and cold, where haunting creepiness is behind the other side of that wall, I hear the screams in true agony, while the raven keeps staring at me. Like he is trying to tell me something with his eyes, He is my only visitor so far in this dark cold room.
The sound muted just for a moment, but then I heard a beating sound of anger pounding at my chamber door. It wasn’t a tapping that is for sure. It was a sound like someone was wanting to even a sore. To lead me in fright for my life, Oh, raven why did you come to the window of my chamber? What is it you are wanting to tell me before this door opens.
The more I look at the ravens’ eyes, I slowly started remembering all those hurtful times, but this raven was always by my side. bring me crumbs and sometimes meat for me to eat. I remember it was in late December when I was out looking for an escape from he who has been haunting me in darken dreams.
I was separated from life, were all my families and friends where, where true love swept over my soul. Visions I always had since my birth. But my life always seemed to be cured. It was okay at first. But with time passing I became eager to be set free, just to see what I could find about my life. Oh. How I could remember how everyone started to change.
They held so much envy and hate in their eyes, But, that was really no surprise. They didn’t seem right to me from the start. They didn’t have love in their heart. Each day and night they would make traps for me to fall into. So, I started studying their every move. They always tried to keep me confused.
Vanity I say, while they looked away. While they were out plotting another fall. But I was borrowing time while they had been playing hateful games on my mind. OH, that late December, I was stroke down with fever. while they had locked me away in my chamber.
Oh, I do remember, that is when I became so ill I almost died. But the Raven kept on tapping on my window to let him in. that’s when we became friends. In the meanwhile, Spells have been cast upon me, which gave me darken dreams of he who haunts me. I could see the silky sad curtains hanging from my window.
The rain was pouring down heavy, I had nothing to eat. But the raven found me water on the leaves of autumn. And he gave me sips of wildlife while he feeds me and watched over me. like if someone from far sent him to keep me safe even in darken dreams.

- Judy Emery © 1980
The Queen Of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery