I am glass. I am a mirror. With a million cracks in me. Parts are shattered: never to be fixed. But I do not want to fix the parts that are not reparable, those are pieces of me I leave on the ground. I have given up trying to pick up those pieces, they are no longer wanted, so they are left behind.
However, every piece that is in fact reparable, I am determined to to put back together again, and start to rebuild myself. So I am not a smashed mirror, my glass is too strong. I am purely a mirror with many broken pieces. With many fractures -which are able to be fixed.
So do not throw me out, you are far but done with me, because I will never give up trying, to fix every broken piece.
It't not about the fall, its about how you recover from it.
Thank you: for a life not to trade blessings, in spades tight spaces behind laundry doors packed closets and open drawers gator tails, tarnished brass cracks in kitchen sliding glass wet towels, withering plants foundation filled with carpenter ants buckets piled with shoes and tags village clothes and saddlebags peeling paint and broken walls ****** seats in bathroom stalls clogged pantry frigid rooms table scribe and carbon fumes comfort capsules empty tank broken limbs from children’s pranks **** finger double tongue long goodbyes and sidewalk dung cluster flies chavie’ clique accompanying the hypocrite cracked back and hidden smiles chalk on board with mr miles atomic wedgies closing doors wrotten eggs and open sores jaw jack nasty folk dinner calls for pig in poke penny pinchers double dip yellow mouth and silver tip brown nose thick red tape paper cuts and pimple nape gallivants so out of norm the joy of life… in basic form
The lull of a restless night relieves my senses It's monotone silence maintains my breath The cold night breeze enters through an open window It whispers soft tunes and attempts to put me to sleep The humming of an exhausted laptop helps me decompress It distracts me from overthinking and blocks out my stress As the night goes on it starts to rain It comforts my senses and cleanses my pain This time-worn house cracks and creaks It talks of troubled times and how it came to be This place I call home proves i’m never alone And it's always there to support me
The gilded opening is terse and with age defined, Locking away the pathway from a golden mind, Hairlike roots of tiny letters form a braid, Ficus-ing along stretching prongs of Purple and Jade,
Pushing they gather and spider around its ovate curves, occasioning sprouts from cracks lips perturbed, grammarized rain fertilizing delicate pods of flesh, blossoming frosty lemon blooms of T's R's come to rest,
The bunched words hanging, dangling like grapes, of frailty, dipping on fickle branches barely holding on to reality, threatening to fall like daggered swords, But alas are some silently whispered Jamaican words
His "I love you" came swiftly. Like the monsoon pouring down on a leaky roof Those three words broke through my defences. At first they were an ambrosia; They sustained my life and our relationship. At least for a short time.
Then "I love you" became an excuse; For absences, and purpose-filled accidents. And I ignored the warning signs, the flashing lights. I pretended like "I love you" was enough...
...But it wasn't. His "I love you"s were like band-aids on bullet wounds; Like using play dough to fix cracks in concrete walls. But I rationed our good memories, I held on as tight as I could to our love And watched as it slipped through my fingers.
His "I love you"s became poison That seeped deep into my bones And turned blue skies grey, And turned light into darkness, And slowly killed whatever semblance of love I fooled myself into thinking we had left.
Come to think of it, the human existence is full of unabating obstacles that make it quite impossible to traverse without stumbling and falling through the cracks. But that’s the beauty of it, I guess. And if you look closely enough, that’s where some of the hardiest things grow...
Keep your eyes soft and your dreams up on the highest shelf so you won't take them down too early; keep everything that you spill in the dark locked behind your teeth during the day, don't bring it out before dusk; like secrets we drip over sidewalk cracks from cotton-candy sticky fingers and leave our names dissolved under each other's tongues, the warmth of you is keeping me company as I try to crawl out of my blood again, they told you to leave a bread-crumb trail in case your heart becomes too watered down by just visiting to even remember the vacation at all; you carry kisses on the knuckles of amputated arms, driving through parking lots with your seatbelts on, collections of constellations growing in the bruises on the insides of your thighs, reminders of salt & the whites of your eyes;
I'll always carry you around like scuffed knees and the last time I told you "I'm okay", I wanna press my fingers into you until your skin is melded with fire and scraps of things that I could never be, I hope steel rods grow out of your bones and I hope you gather bruises before you gather dust, we are all a little lost and lonely but that never stopped the accumulation of well-spent nights coughing up new ways to spell my name (it sounded foreign before you) leave this on repeat, we're going in again.
I am not superman. I carry around guns for protection. I have killed many And never was sorry. I have stolen from men who have stolen from others. Do not look at me as a savior, Not even as a big brother, because I am nothing of a role model. My wings have broken and I don't even have a place to call home. Pain is written on my skin with the smirk of a devil leaving cracks all over for sorrow to sneak its way in and bury itself deep into my bones. So give me hope because I'm not man enough to create my own. I keep putting other's lives before mine hoping that counts as love but wind up realizing that doesn't count as anything Trust me, I'm no superman. I can't even save myself. I've burned my cape in the fires of **** because I've been there enough to know I can't wear it anymore. I have flaws enough to fill the ocean and I'm sick of drowning and I'm tired of counting dead bodies and I’m tired of swimming through waves I'm not big enough for. So hear the violin and piano play my symphony of the fallen man. I never said I could fly. I never said I could save your life. I never gave up though. So hold me tight and let me finally break and fall into the arms of someone I can trust and someone I know that'll keep my heart safe buried next to theirs. I've played wicked games and lost too many times and now I just want to sleep. I'm tired of turning up black and blue But I'll do anything to protect you. If you were never here then I would have ended this a long time ago. I would have welcomed the salt water into my lungs Or fall asleep in a tree and meet death in the morning as I hang in silence. But now I beg for hope because I'm torn apart. But I know am seen as your superman so I’m going to hang on with all my might, And live this life with you as a hero as your superman.
Devilish torment -- her body is my lament. She crawls beneath the cracks and finds The dark cellar my "worst" ferments. She feeds it as it rots, just to make its wine more bitter... Squeezed from the finest lies, Designed to make an addict from a quitter.
Like a dark and tempting vacuum that my soul cannot escape, Attractive in its repulsion, Its a part of me that loves the way it hates. Masturbatory and selfish, With a thirst that can't be quenched... She finds the spots within me, that make even deities flinch. Their knees ***** and crumble, at its all-consuming "nothing"... I never knew my zero could be so wholly unbecoming.
She, or it, will surely be my undoing. Yet, somehow, that keeps me moving. So uncomfortably I'll admit... It's the brutal nature of it all, That I find so disturbingly soothing.