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"contracted" poems
I am quick to cry and to anger and people think I'm strange. They don't see how hard I try to control it, I know I'm seen as deranged. Emotions can be overbearing and it's difficult to stay quiet when someone upsets me It's simply not easy to hide it. I guessed for a long time that the issue was with me. But I thought I could watch maybe learn their technique. For keeping a cool head when things get heated. Instead of losing it over nothing and feeling totally defeated. I was wrong it turned out. I don't have breaks I have border as in borderline personality disorder. I got a diagnosis and was incredibly afraid that people would treat me like someone who'd contracted the plague. While I wasn't right, I wasn't totally wrong, mental illness is unfortunately still mostly ignored. If I was unwell with a headache, people would ask 'Are you okay?' 'Here I've got Panadol Actifast.' But when the ills In the mind and I say 'I'm feeling down' 9 times out of 10 people get freaked out. So it's tough when you're shamed For having a disorder A lot of normal people suffer So could your son or daughter. So next time you hear someone say 'I'm feeling down.' Do me one favour and please, just don't freak out. It's hard enough already dealing with this day to day without having friends turn their backs and walk away.
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Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 12:02 AM UTC
BPD
They are always with us, the thin people Meager of dimension as the gray people On a movie-screen. They Are unreal, we say: It was only in a movie, it was only In a war making evil headlines when we Were small that they famished and Grew so lean and would not round Out their stalky limbs again though peace Plumped the bellies of the mice Under the meanest table. It was during the long hunger-battle They found their talent to persevere In thinness, to come, later, Into our bad dreams, their menace Not guns, not abuses, But a thin silence. Wrapped in flea-ridded donkey skins, Empty of complaint, forever Drinking vinegar from tin cups: they wore The insufferable nimbus of the lot-drawn Scapegoat. But so thin, So weedy a race could not remain in dreams, Could not remain outlandish victims In the contracted country of the head Any more than the old woman in her mud hut could Keep from cutting fat meat Out of the side of the generous moon when it Set foot nightly in her yard Until her knife had pared The moon to a rind of little light. Now the thin people do not obliterate Themselves as the dawn Grayness blues, reddens, and the outline Of the world comes clear and fills with color. They persist in the sunlit room: the wallpaper Frieze of cabbage-roses and cornflowers pales Under their thin-lipped smiles, Their withering kingship. How they prop each other up! We own no wilderness rich and deep enough For stronghold against their stiff Battalions. See, how the tree boles flatten And lose their good browns If the thin people simply stand in the forest, Making the world go thin as a wasp's nest And grayer; not even moving their bones.
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23.6k
The Thin People
They are always with us, the thin people Meager of dimension as the gray people On a movie-screen. They Are unreal, we say: It was only in a movie, it was only In a war making evil headlines when we Were small that they famished and Grew so lean and would not round Out their stalky limbs again though peace Plumped the bellies of the mice Under the meanest table. It was during the long hunger-battle They found their talent to persevere In thinness, to come, later, Into our bad dreams, their menace Not guns, not abuses, But a thin silence. Wrapped in flea-ridded donkey skins, Empty of complaint, forever Drinking vinegar from tin cups: they wore The insufferable nimbus of the lot-drawn Scapegoat. But so thin, So weedy a race could not remain in dreams, Could not remain outlandish victims In the contracted country of the head Any more than the old woman in her mud hut could Keep from cutting fat meat Out of the side of the generous moon when it Set foot nightly in her yard Until her knife had pared The moon to a rind of little light. Now the thin people do not obliterate Themselves as the dawn Grayness blues, reddens, and the outline Of the world comes clear and fills with color. They persist in the sunlit room: the wallpaper Frieze of cabbage-roses and cornflowers pales Under their thin-lipped smiles, Their withering kingship. How they prop each other up! We own no wilderness rich and deep enough For stronghold against their stiff Battalions. See, how the tree boles flatten And lose their good browns If the thin people simply stand in the forest, Making the world go thin as a wasp's nest And grayer; not even moving their bones.
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47
I always suspected electricity Ran rampant through my veins To make me dazed and dizzy But unable to sit still It made me prone to flights of fancy So I left giddy trails of sparks Blazing proof of my restlessness That once brightly caught your eye Once your gaze had found my own My moods came in swooning flares And you crackled alongside me Filling my aching, empty silence With shiny, blessed noise We burned so beautifully With my electric fire And your trilling declamations Light and sound intertwining Like thunder that had finally caught up with its lightning It seemed like Nature's order A completion of the whole Two halves that followed each other Unthinkingly and automatically So one day when I found silence It felt like Earth itself was splitting Panicked, I burned more brightly Stoked the fire just in case I feared that I had dimmed And been the cause of this new quietness So when I still heard nothing I thought my efforts insufficient And I ran my highest currents Until my wires nearly melted Thinking the sun and I were comparable And anticipating a response And still I heard no trilling No crackling at my side So I wondered if perhaps I had shined beyond your limits Swiftly, I contracted Reined in my flares and doused the fire Thinking sudden darkness Might just shock you into sound I finally heard the faintest popping Not quite the rending that I wanted But a break from quiet all the same Afraid of spoiling the moment I leashed my electricity Kept myself dim so I could hear you Though I felt the writhing beneath my skin It finally became unbearable So I flashed like wild lightning Lashed out and struck the ground Hoping for your thunder A dark and roiling storm Swirling raindrops and clouds colliding And deep, ugly noise All I wanted was your thunder But in the end It was only me yelling Screaming out for downpours Alone Listening to my own echoes Waiting for you to harmonize In the end I was always waiting Wondering when you'd chosen silence Wondering why I'd let you dim me Wondering how it was we'd ever burned
0
Nov 27, 2010
Nov 27, 2010 at 1:45 PM UTC
Screaming Out For Downpours
I always suspected electricity Ran rampant through my veins To make me dazed and dizzy But unable to sit still It made me prone to flights of fancy So I left giddy trails of sparks Blazing proof of my restlessness That once brightly caught your eye Once your gaze had found my own My moods came in swooning flares And you crackled alongside me Filling my aching, empty silence With shiny, blessed noise We burned so beautifully With my electric fire And your trilling declamations Light and sound intertwining Like thunder that had finally caught up with its lightning It seemed like Nature's order A completion of the whole Two halves that followed each other Unthinkingly and automatically So one day when I found silence It felt like Earth itself was splitting Panicked, I burned more brightly Stoked the fire just in case I feared that I had dimmed And been the cause of this new quietness So when I still heard nothing I thought my efforts insufficient And I ran my highest currents Until my wires nearly melted Thinking the sun and I were comparable And anticipating a response And still I heard no trilling No crackling at my side So I wondered if perhaps I had shined beyond your limits Swiftly, I contracted Reined in my flares and doused the fire Thinking sudden darkness Might just shock you into sound I finally heard the faintest popping Not quite the rending that I wanted But a break from quiet all the same Afraid of spoiling the moment I leashed my electricity Kept myself dim so I could hear you Though I felt the writhing beneath my skin It finally became unbearable So I flashed like wild lightning Lashed out and struck the ground Hoping for your thunder A dark and roiling storm Swirling raindrops and clouds colliding And deep, ugly noise All I wanted was your thunder But in the end It was only me yelling Screaming out for downpours Alone Listening to my own echoes Waiting for you to harmonize In the end I was always waiting Wondering when you'd chosen silence Wondering why I'd let you dim me Wondering how it was we'd ever burned
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68
I was asked today "what are you really into?" while I was walking to film class. He had changed direction with a flair of drama and was walking along, interrogating me. I had to think. I wondered how I would answer his question, were it posed by someone I was interested in. "I like the smell of hormones colliding, omnipotent in their decision to do so and in doing it." Could I say that? "I like to feel like a hormone," or "I like being a hormone." Were these answers? "I like patting my contracted ******* against the ***** majora of my partner." "I like sewing," I might say. That is, the idea that if I push and she opens both testicles and ******** may pop inside. Like a **** needle pulling a ***** thread through a tight weave. I laugh, imagining what the little man would say, but he doesn't know why. "Stitch her up, Doctor!" I'm laughing. He just says "you know, I'm into chemistry, biology. Just tell me what you're into." I've been silent. Is he still walking with me? All I think to say is "music" pointing to the earbuds dangling over my chest, song interrupted by his pedantry. He says "you've always liked music" as if we've had this conversation before. As if we know each other. And it seems like he will follow me to class. And sit by me. And talk about chemistry and biology while we discuss Singin' in the Rain. Hormones, sewing and music.
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Sep 21, 2012
Sep 21, 2012 at 12:50 AM UTC
Hormones, sewing, music
his writing caught everyone’s attention like an artist i once saw on the street in québec he stood out amongst the crowd in montréal i asked to take his picture he obliged this writer is also canadian and paints masterpieces with words his colorful lines sometimes float on jagged edges brushes of sticky sugar coating are exchanged for starker strokes of reality tinged with weathered wisdom creating shadows in his work accentuating the light there’s not a write of his that does not stir emotions his words linger rolling around in your head bumping into each other morphing into new connotations his easel alive you wonder if he did that on purpose? could anyone have that kind of talent? yes…..his brush continues flowing even after the paint is dry suddenly at midnight i awaken and hear another morsel a word, a phrase, a color that only made itself known in the dark of night understanding he's a favorite i imagined audibly hearing a collective sigh when he contracted cancer would he now leave his canvas dry? no, this courageous artist bravely took his palette and continued painting his words that us awaken now e’vn more radiant with tragedy astride and ‘tho he talks of dying i pray that he will stay but should his spirit fly we have seen a master show us how to walk into the light ©2016janetaylor
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Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 11:48 AM UTC
R.I.P Chris Vaillancourt (repost of walking into the light)
I. While raging tempests shake the shore, While Ælus’ thunders round us roar, And sweep impetuous o’er the plain Be still, O tyrant of the main; Nor let thy brow contracted frowns betray, While my Susanna skims the wat’ry way. II. The Pow’r propitious hears the lay, The blue-ey’d daughters of the sea With sweeter cadence glide along, And Thames responsive joins the song. Pleas’d with their notes Sol sheds benign his ray, And double radiance decks the face of day. III. To court thee to Britannia’s arms Serene the climes and mild the sky, Her region boasts unnumber’d charms, Thy welcome smiles in ev’ry eye. Thy promise, Neptune keep, record my pray’r, Not give my wishes to the empty air.
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6.7k
Ode To Neptune
play parallel range of solitary confinement omnipotent panic linking experience developed underwater predictable anger theories of the mind jammed in a mason jar left to ferment for years near extinct then ahhhhhhhhhhhh… release of the rotten the aged and contracted this involuntary drama where you call only to say *bye see you later*
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Sep 29, 2015
Sep 29, 2015 at 5:39 PM UTC
the secret life of a 4 year old
Peoples’ lives are dying in consistency; Greed in their pedestal has corrupted this world’s societies. A fruitful opportunity, a gold rush was encountered! Underlying the main ambition of many unfortunate ambitious desires.    Persistently seeking an object of materiality, Children have become contracted to labor endlessly till mortality. The corporate pose has overshadowed humanity, Predetermining existence through living in a vision of obscurity.    Freedom has evolved in many attaining their dreams, Yet, failing to realize their limits in overstepping boundaries. Morality has been compromised to new opportunities. Ultimately, corrupting one’s essence in living spiritually.    We have eluded to perceive the subtle communication they have established you see. Projecting honesty while planting a seed, they enrich themselves invulnerably. Enabled through the loophole of ignorance attracted by social mediocrity, Revealing a battle between each other secretly disguised as insecurity.    Asking how do I seek success, freedom, and happiness endlessly. Indubitably, the answer relies inside, secreting awareness internally. Discovering that the war begins within may end the violence indeed. Extinguishing eternal destruction of the world through peace and harmony.    By: Michael M. De La Fuente
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May 25, 2014
May 25, 2014 at 7:47 PM UTC
Greed
Busy old fool, unruly sun, Why dost thou thus, Through windows and through curtains, call on us? Must to thy motions lovers’ seasons run? Saucy pedantic wretch, go chide Late schoolboys and sour ‘prentices, Go tell court-huntsmen that the King will ride, Call country ants to harvest offices; Love, all alike, no season knows, nor clime, Nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time. Thy beams so reverend and strong Why shouldst thou think? I could eclipse and cloud them with a wink But that I would not lose her sight so long: If her eyes have not blinded thine, Look, and, tomorrow late, tell me Whether both th’ Indias of spice and mine Be where thou left’st them, or lie here with me. Ask for those kings whom thou saw’st yesterday, And thou shalt hear ‘All here in one bed lay’. She is all states, and all princes I; Nothing else is. Princes do but play us; compared to this, All honour’s mimic, all wealth alchemy. Thou, sun, art half as happy as we, In that the world’s contracted thus; Thine age asks ease, and since thy duties be To warm the world, that’s done in warming us. Shine here to us, and thou art everywhere; This bed thy centre is, these walls thy sphere.
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4.3k
The Sun Rising
There once was a man from kentucky who dreampt he was quite lucky then he got hit by a truck and contracted polio
0
Sep 22, 2010
Sep 22, 2010 at 9:33 PM UTC
The man from Kentucky
When the wordly things get all the glory You tend to live a life that's unholy. Facing the life's painful reality. Fight againt wicked principalities Losing your sense of morality. As you are procrastinating about Learning your biblical A...B...C's You are counting up your salary When you should be counting all of God's promises like 1...2...3.. Thats when it begins to Spread like an deadly ****** transmitted Disease First its sniffle and a sneeze Next is a cough and a wheeze Then you'll Barely be able to breathe Knocking you to your knees Begging God, "Please Heal Me" Praying desperately For His Mercy Then the STD forcefully will begin to tightly squeeze. Till it becomes an Infection that attacks your every function flowing like a virus. This sickness removes the color from life and leave you like eyes with damaged to the nerves, pupil and Iris. This happens when you Subtract Christ from your life like a math equation involving minus. Being sticken with this ailment will deprives us, If we dont let Christ take the wheel to Drive and guide us. This Infirmity is very cancerous It will impact your 6 senses Just like the Symbol for The Eye Of Horous. Because we are individuals who are like sponges, filled with holes, absorbant and yet very porous. Beneath the fleshly being lies a spirit Crying out for help can you hear it? This deficiency will leave you Shivering from the Chill of it's swift wind's cold breeze The very thought of this illness makes the soul freeze Once it realizes it has a contracted a Spiritually Transmitted Disease.
0
Nov 11, 2016
Nov 11, 2016 at 3:49 PM UTC
STD
When the wordly things get all the glory You tend to live a life that's unholy. Facing the life's painful reality. Fight againt wicked principalities Losing your sense of morality. As you are procrastinating about Learning your biblical A...B...C's You are counting up your salary When you should be counting all of God's promises like 1...2...3.. Thats when it begins to Spread like an deadly ****** transmitted Disease First its sniffle and a sneeze Next is a cough and a wheeze Then you'll Barely be able to breathe Knocking you to your knees Begging God, "Please Heal Me" Praying desperately For His Mercy Then the STD forcefully will begin to tightly squeeze. Till it becomes an Infection that attacks your every function flowing like a virus. This sickness removes the color from life and leave you like eyes with damaged to the nerves, pupil and Iris. This happens when you Subtract Christ from your life like a math equation involving minus. Being sticken with this ailment will deprives us, If we dont let Christ take the wheel to Drive and guide us. This Infirmity is very cancerous It will impact your 6 senses Just like the Symbol for The Eye Of Horous. Because we are individuals who are like sponges, filled with holes, absorbant and yet very porous. Beneath the fleshly being lies a spirit Crying out for help can you hear it? This deficiency will leave you Shivering from the Chill of it's swift wind's cold breeze The very thought of this illness makes the soul freeze Once it realizes it has a contracted a Spiritually Transmitted Disease.
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28
Earphones pumping rhythms to keep apace to. Relaxed, steady, determined one leg at a time. Hedgerows gliding past, forever long. Blood pumping, harder stronger faster. Chest is heaving, struggling gasping. Back is tense, muscles constantly contracted. Focussing on anything else but breathing Impossible,yet it is lovely. Like an old friend, thoughtlessness embraces me. Caressing and Familiar.
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Jul 8, 2011
Jul 8, 2011 at 11:51 AM UTC
Jogging.
Slowly saving patiently waiting email received transaction confirmed item conceived, time contracted a gift for one, many or all a package surely to befall a package arrives as the sun rises it finally comes, joy it fills us as we tear it apart "oh boy!" help yourself, its ok to treat yourself again save and order await the presents that cross borders happiness from innocent pleasures isn't that a great treasure
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Aug 28, 2018
Aug 28, 2018 at 2:48 AM UTC
Order
I’m sure it has happened To many other people before. There comes a moment A feeling one cannot ignore. A want, a drive, an impulse To have, to hold, to own Something, someone or A moment that is yours alone. At a party, a face appeared And our two eyes connected. It seemed we were talking; A dialogue was being erected. A relationship of mere moments, It seemed powerfully right. And at just that one moment Nothing could be more right. We left the party immediately And went to my place to see If followers through with feeling What just the right thing to be. It was all a wonderful adventure. I am sure we had no kind of fear. It was an accident of timing, One I would suffer for years. Twice more and we were broken, Never to be together again. No thoughts about if ever Not a question about when. And after the last evening I knew things had moved on. When I looked into my wallet. All of my money was gone. All because of impatience And not wanting to be alone I let myself fall into a kind of Rock and roll Twilight Zone. Why didn’t I ask more questions? Because in that single moment I wanted a fantasy romance. Nothing was more important. It was months later I discovered In a routine visit to my doctor That I had contracted a disease That would ruin my life forever. They didn’t know what to call it In those days before the name. Those were the days before AIDS And it’s horrific kind of sick fame. And they had no way to treat it So, most of us just quickly died. We had no ability to resist it. We had no resistance inside. We lost all our friends and lovers Because for one single moment That one evening with a stranger, Nothing was more important. I fell into a frenzy of not caring, Drugs and drink and debauchery. I felt I had lost all hope in life And lost all my chance at dignity. Of course that made me sicker My resistance went down further. I no longer wanted to live like that I was sick of my life altogether. I am writing this to you, today So you can share it with others. Tell people that getting laid Is not the same as a lover. Point to me and advise them We may have just one moment For valuing ourselves as a person Nothing must be more important. (This is dedicated to many of my friends over the decades that suffered from *** and AIDS related issues.)
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Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 5:27 AM UTC
A MOMENT
I’m sure it has happened To many other people before. There comes a moment A feeling one cannot ignore. A want, a drive, an impulse To have, to hold, to own Something, someone or A moment that is yours alone. At a party, a face appeared And our two eyes connected. It seemed we were talking; A dialogue was being erected. A relationship of mere moments, It seemed powerfully right. And at just that one moment Nothing could be more right. We left the party immediately And went to my place to see If followers through with feeling What just the right thing to be. It was all a wonderful adventure. I am sure we had no kind of fear. It was an accident of timing, One I would suffer for years. Twice more and we were broken, Never to be together again. No thoughts about if ever Not a question about when. And after the last evening I knew things had moved on. When I looked into my wallet. All of my money was gone. All because of impatience And not wanting to be alone I let myself fall into a kind of Rock and roll Twilight Zone. Why didn’t I ask more questions? Because in that single moment I wanted a fantasy romance. Nothing was more important. It was months later I discovered In a routine visit to my doctor That I had contracted a disease That would ruin my life forever. They didn’t know what to call it In those days before the name. Those were the days before AIDS And it’s horrific kind of sick fame. And they had no way to treat it So, most of us just quickly died. We had no ability to resist it. We had no resistance inside. We lost all our friends and lovers Because for one single moment That one evening with a stranger, Nothing was more important. I fell into a frenzy of not caring, Drugs and drink and debauchery. I felt I had lost all hope in life And lost all my chance at dignity. Of course that made me sicker My resistance went down further. I no longer wanted to live like that I was sick of my life altogether. I am writing this to you, today So you can share it with others. Tell people that getting laid Is not the same as a lover. Point to me and advise them We may have just one moment For valuing ourselves as a person Nothing must be more important. (This is dedicated to many of my friends over the decades that suffered from *** and AIDS related issues.)
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73
Them bastardized youths fell outside, dizzied by a reality unsolved. Their maws scowled judgment and drooled Pabst down improbable bodies each of them lay in the stink of subtle conformity.   Fiercely unique culture beasts starved away in suburbs; Wikidrifting, those drugged litterbugs scampered. Dropout fish fast against the current of their time, tired from dancing through desperate crowded nights and disparate lonely dawns, dangling degrees and the specters of success burning incessant their pride. They were the ******** made so over time contracted by blind parents to nine-to-blithes in which quiet desperation, credit nooses, and irony were the small print. They were carpenters afraid of their hands.  With chisel to headstone, they lied on the hoods of used Japanese cars, panning the radio for a real connection and gazing up at vanishing constellations.   They were their poison and they their elixir, but a cold cigarette was a much quicker fixer of Helplessness Blues and the back of a Bible where a brief intellectual wrote “I am suicidal.” For how does the turn of the epigram read to those who care less with every new beat of a drummed-up society so high off its piety that seeing stars vanish is simply a shame?   Those ******** dropouts tragically remiss, those Supertramps, Kerouacs, Cohens, and wits. They were the alternative, urbanite fools that littered alleys with Greek fables and Tibetan tattoos.   Criterion flash cards and the literary canon allowed them to flirt with god in verse and art clues until Pollock’s canvas did rip off their eyelids which left them to know only Socrates knew. They danced and they writhed, then ****** to pass time, and kept on their passions till lost were their minds.  Then they all died, those blasphemous ******** But at least they washed on the back of their crimes. At least they danced. At least they were. And there may be something to movement in chaos.
0
Oct 29, 2012
Oct 29, 2012 at 8:06 PM UTC
Untitled
Them bastardized youths fell outside, dizzied by a reality unsolved. Their maws scowled judgment and drooled Pabst down improbable bodies each of them lay in the stink of subtle conformity.   Fiercely unique culture beasts starved away in suburbs; Wikidrifting, those drugged litterbugs scampered. Dropout fish fast against the current of their time, tired from dancing through desperate crowded nights and disparate lonely dawns, dangling degrees and the specters of success burning incessant their pride. They were the ******** made so over time contracted by blind parents to nine-to-blithes in which quiet desperation, credit nooses, and irony were the small print. They were carpenters afraid of their hands.  With chisel to headstone, they lied on the hoods of used Japanese cars, panning the radio for a real connection and gazing up at vanishing constellations.   They were their poison and they their elixir, but a cold cigarette was a much quicker fixer of Helplessness Blues and the back of a Bible where a brief intellectual wrote “I am suicidal.” For how does the turn of the epigram read to those who care less with every new beat of a drummed-up society so high off its piety that seeing stars vanish is simply a shame?   Those ******** dropouts tragically remiss, those Supertramps, Kerouacs, Cohens, and wits. They were the alternative, urbanite fools that littered alleys with Greek fables and Tibetan tattoos.   Criterion flash cards and the literary canon allowed them to flirt with god in verse and art clues until Pollock’s canvas did rip off their eyelids which left them to know only Socrates knew. They danced and they writhed, then ****** to pass time, and kept on their passions till lost were their minds.  Then they all died, those blasphemous ******** But at least they washed on the back of their crimes. At least they danced. At least they were. And there may be something to movement in chaos.
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16
12/27/2013 I cried in the shower. When nobody was around to see, except me - looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. But it was enough to make me cry harder, cry louder, cry softer, cry unseen and cry unheard. Cry out of sight and cry out of mind and cry without saying a single word. Cry for the fallen who can't get up. Cry for the tortured whose lives have been messed up. Cry for a family I've never heard of. Cry for the homeless and poor who just needed a little bit more love. Cry for my friend who recently contracted *** Cry for him, because I wish instead it had been me. I sat up in bed after midnight, writing a diary entry it read, "No happy greeting tonight." I laid down in the empty bathtub with the shower running, spraying hot water, only on to my side. The rest of me, freezing cold, exposed. I played a song in the background, called Wounded. There were three separate streams running down my face: water, shampoo, and are those Tears coming out of the shower faucet? It seemed like a perfect scene for a tragic movie. It definitely felt 'unreal' enough to be in one. I was spitting a lot. maybe because the bitterness of words trapped in my mouth contaminated my palate. He might have *** Highly Likely. and I always viewed him as invulnerable. We spoke on the phone and he pretended to be strong but I can sense feelings. I guessed it after all. Only we might know so far. Tomorrow he finds out. Don't worry about me. No ****** involvement - I'm not lucky enough to get a guy like that. I feel a fraction of his fear and pain though. I've been an idiot and a bad friend. So no happy greeting tonight diary. Please excuse my sorrow and don't take pity. No worries, I think those were just Tears coming out of the shower faucet. Like the single Tear I wake up with each morning ever since I heard he got it.
0
Dec 27, 2013
Dec 27, 2013 at 12:48 PM UTC
Are those Tears coming out of the shower faucet?
12/27/2013 I cried in the shower. When nobody was around to see, except me - looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. But it was enough to make me cry harder, cry louder, cry softer, cry unseen and cry unheard. Cry out of sight and cry out of mind and cry without saying a single word. Cry for the fallen who can't get up. Cry for the tortured whose lives have been messed up. Cry for a family I've never heard of. Cry for the homeless and poor who just needed a little bit more love. Cry for my friend who recently contracted *** Cry for him, because I wish instead it had been me. I sat up in bed after midnight, writing a diary entry it read, "No happy greeting tonight." I laid down in the empty bathtub with the shower running, spraying hot water, only on to my side. The rest of me, freezing cold, exposed. I played a song in the background, called Wounded. There were three separate streams running down my face: water, shampoo, and are those Tears coming out of the shower faucet? It seemed like a perfect scene for a tragic movie. It definitely felt 'unreal' enough to be in one. I was spitting a lot. maybe because the bitterness of words trapped in my mouth contaminated my palate. He might have *** Highly Likely. and I always viewed him as invulnerable. We spoke on the phone and he pretended to be strong but I can sense feelings. I guessed it after all. Only we might know so far. Tomorrow he finds out. Don't worry about me. No ****** involvement - I'm not lucky enough to get a guy like that. I feel a fraction of his fear and pain though. I've been an idiot and a bad friend. So no happy greeting tonight diary. Please excuse my sorrow and don't take pity. No worries, I think those were just Tears coming out of the shower faucet. Like the single Tear I wake up with each morning ever since I heard he got it.
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39
he said 'wedlock' anti-amorous lead clocked signing them contracted away from their grieving animal truths boothed in a partner grip that'll mend them toward social safety
0
Mar 6, 2022
Mar 6, 2022 at 1:18 PM UTC
010
You're like my favorite colour I like, I love you? you're compatible with my personality naturally I gravitate toward your hues ideals I accuse you of being my primary color can't quite describe my attraction nor how something so unique could be contracted but, I color your lips pink with mine only to Braille a picture I'm blind.
0
Oct 16, 2013
Oct 16, 2013 at 10:05 PM UTC
Pink Colours
Carrickfergus (1937) - poem by Louis Macneice. I was born in Belfast between the mountain and the gantries To the hooting of lost sirens and the clang of trams; Thence to Smoky Carrick in County Antrim Where the bottle-neck harbour collects the mud which jams The little boats beneath the Norman castle, The pier shining with lumps of crystal salt; The Scotch quarter was a line of residential houses But the Irish quarter was a slum for the blind and halt. The brook ran yellow from the factory stinking of chlorine, The yarn mill called it's funeral cry at noon; Our lights looked over the lough to the lights of Bangor Under the peacock aura of a drowning moon. The Norman walled this town against the country To stop his ears to the yelping of his slave And built a church in the form of a cross but denoting The list of Christ on the cross in the angle of the nave. I was the rectors son, born to the Anglican order, Banned for ever from the candles of the Irish poor; The Chichesters knelt in marble at the end of a transept With ruffs about their necks, their portion sure. The war came and a huge camp of soldiers Grew from the ground in sight of our house with long Dummies hanging from gibbets for bayonet practice And the sentry's challenge echoing all day long; A Yorkshire terrier ran in and out by the gate-lodge Barred to civilians, yapping as if taking affront; Marching at ease and singing 'Who Killed **** Robin?' The troops went out by the lodge and off to the Front. The steamer was camouflaged that took me to England- Sweat and khaki in the Carlisle train; I thought that the war would last for ever and sugar be always rationed and that never again Would the weekly papers not have photos of sandbags And my governess not make bandages from moss And people not have maps above the fireplace With flags on pins moving across and across- Across the hawthorn hedge the noise of bugles, Flares across the night, Somewhere on the lough was a prison ship for Germans, A cage across their sight. I went to school in Dorset, the world of parents Contracted into a puppet world of sons Far from the mill girls, the smell of porter, the salt-mines And the soldiers with their guns. Louis Macneice
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Jun 17, 2016
Jun 17, 2016 at 8:54 AM UTC
Louis MacNeice (1907-1963)
Carrickfergus (1937) - poem by Louis Macneice. I was born in Belfast between the mountain and the gantries To the hooting of lost sirens and the clang of trams; Thence to Smoky Carrick in County Antrim Where the bottle-neck harbour collects the mud which jams The little boats beneath the Norman castle, The pier shining with lumps of crystal salt; The Scotch quarter was a line of residential houses But the Irish quarter was a slum for the blind and halt. The brook ran yellow from the factory stinking of chlorine, The yarn mill called it's funeral cry at noon; Our lights looked over the lough to the lights of Bangor Under the peacock aura of a drowning moon. The Norman walled this town against the country To stop his ears to the yelping of his slave And built a church in the form of a cross but denoting The list of Christ on the cross in the angle of the nave. I was the rectors son, born to the Anglican order, Banned for ever from the candles of the Irish poor; The Chichesters knelt in marble at the end of a transept With ruffs about their necks, their portion sure. The war came and a huge camp of soldiers Grew from the ground in sight of our house with long Dummies hanging from gibbets for bayonet practice And the sentry's challenge echoing all day long; A Yorkshire terrier ran in and out by the gate-lodge Barred to civilians, yapping as if taking affront; Marching at ease and singing 'Who Killed **** Robin?' The troops went out by the lodge and off to the Front. The steamer was camouflaged that took me to England- Sweat and khaki in the Carlisle train; I thought that the war would last for ever and sugar be always rationed and that never again Would the weekly papers not have photos of sandbags And my governess not make bandages from moss And people not have maps above the fireplace With flags on pins moving across and across- Across the hawthorn hedge the noise of bugles, Flares across the night, Somewhere on the lough was a prison ship for Germans, A cage across their sight. I went to school in Dorset, the world of parents Contracted into a puppet world of sons Far from the mill girls, the smell of porter, the salt-mines And the soldiers with their guns. Louis Macneice
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If I were not a person who dealt in words the same way others dealt in currency (or maths or measures or facts or any number of infinitely more practical things) If I were not a person who breathed in the flow of letters against pages and thoughts against spaces I would never love an artist because no matter the medium of the life cra wl in g beneath their skin No matter if they hear notes in the flip of her hair (or paint galaxies of the breath against her cheeks or create worlds hinged on his fallen eyelash or build monuments to his unguarded laughter or sway to whatever melody her eyes serenade beyond flickering boredom) no matter the medium they substitute for the oxygen they inhale Their hearts do not exist —cannot— outside of the muse they substitute to pump their passions through their veins And if I were not a person who dwelt between the strokes of the letters and devoured the length of meters I would never love an artist because their lives are forever forfeit to their muse sold, clapped in heavy irons to a desert oasis you cannot reach because you cannot be his muse, if he has notched you onto his belt For an artist would never endanger his muse, no matter if he loved her (or worshipped her or tortured her or reveled in her or whatever multiple definition love has contracted) If I were not a person who knew the woes of seeing more than what the world might first offer But I am. And I understand. And I would never love an artist For I belong to my muse and so does he and She demands that no competition come from the love She allows me outside Her chamber doors and an artist's brilliance is competition indeed And I can only ever love an artist who might forgive And who might understand If I told her she is my muse no longer
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May 24, 2017
May 24, 2017 at 5:46 AM UTC
Never Love An Artist
If I were not a person who dealt in words the same way others dealt in currency (or maths or measures or facts or any number of infinitely more practical things) If I were not a person who breathed in the flow of letters against pages and thoughts against spaces I would never love an artist because no matter the medium of the life cra wl in g beneath their skin No matter if they hear notes in the flip of her hair (or paint galaxies of the breath against her cheeks or create worlds hinged on his fallen eyelash or build monuments to his unguarded laughter or sway to whatever melody her eyes serenade beyond flickering boredom) no matter the medium they substitute for the oxygen they inhale Their hearts do not exist —cannot— outside of the muse they substitute to pump their passions through their veins And if I were not a person who dwelt between the strokes of the letters and devoured the length of meters I would never love an artist because their lives are forever forfeit to their muse sold, clapped in heavy irons to a desert oasis you cannot reach because you cannot be his muse, if he has notched you onto his belt For an artist would never endanger his muse, no matter if he loved her (or worshipped her or tortured her or reveled in her or whatever multiple definition love has contracted) If I were not a person who knew the woes of seeing more than what the world might first offer But I am. And I understand. And I would never love an artist For I belong to my muse and so does he and She demands that no competition come from the love She allows me outside Her chamber doors and an artist's brilliance is competition indeed And I can only ever love an artist who might forgive And who might understand If I told her she is my muse no longer
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Let the flames consume me Swallow me whole Hellfire brings life To my deadened senses It used to be you Maybe there’s a correlation To this thrilling sensation I feel most alive When prepared to expire Please, keep me here Release these fears I don’t know warmth All I know is fire or ice Why do I feel old At such a youthful age? Young me down Dumb me down Numb me down What was wrong before Is still what’s wrong today Sometimes I just won’t say What it is to you kids Thanks, but move on You hurt more than help Though, helping more than hurting Pains me much, still Don’t assume so many things Give your eyes a break Put down your stone Shoot your high horse Chop up that pedestal Become low and lesser Then maybe you can hear me Between the shouting And the lashing The tears and the blood The put­downs to build up Until the once built Have crumbled to your consent What’s my content? For you to complete the job Most business is unfinished, But you’ll complete this task You were contracted since, “Hello.” Sad, I know, but Don’t be sociable otherwise Get over it Burn me, burn them Burn you, burn friends, Burn whomever, whatever Just leave ashes, dust, Smoke, smog, haze, regrets
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Apr 30, 2014
Apr 30, 2014 at 5:41 PM UTC
A Naturally Burning Negativity
The Industrial wolf hunts alone Contracted from: Factory and iron The Industrial dove is unable to fly Her wings were forged and plated The Industrial pig eats his own kind For he is not made of meat The Industrial sheep, labor and oblivious Has never tasted a cream so sweet
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Mar 28, 2012
Mar 28, 2012 at 2:02 PM UTC
Industrial Animals
There's an ick in my crick, that makes me feel sick, my insides are taring in two! I seek some relief, complete disbelief, this sickness contracted from you! I put on my scarf, am ready to **** my temperature rises above. I'm ready to hurl, my diamonds and pearls, lost all of their their lustrous love. It lays at my feet, spread out on the street, I told you that I wasn't faking. My mind and my heart, all splattered apart, my soul lays there now for the taking!
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Sep 28, 2018
Sep 28, 2018 at 9:55 AM UTC
Divorce Course
Shyly curious you smile at me. Tender, delicate I lightly stroke you, friction ridges of long index finger brushing fine hairs to attention. A sensory meeting, pupils contracted, I impress upon your pale skin from the glenohumeral joint to your elbow, Then our mouths align, entwined, Soft lips parted, eyes closed and tasting; Your worldly generous thighs slightly ajar pressed apart by a firm hand, the sensitive multifingered extremity searches out, Reaching for where you’ve been waiting for years. Beautiful, wide-spread in close proximity, Touching and sizzled by that sweet odour from your neck, pleasing the soul, I do not ask for more delight Upon slipping into your wet and woven silk. But you suddenly unglue our lips and ease me back with a firm hand, Your voice articulates a silent pause. There’s a fierce and undeniable attraction here, Tempered as I sit back for a moment, Excited, quiet and praying for nightfall.
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Apr 13, 2015
Apr 13, 2015 at 7:42 PM UTC
**Patient Love**
The following statements of truth were brought to you Not through, but circumnavigating fated parameters Of insane, yet normative, largely uninformative Mechanisms that formally give birth to ******** And instead, strategically splicing said bounds with Ideal variables derived from the courageously quixotic, Unrobotic, and outraged agents of, and for, capital Real: The train of corporate reasoning derails so fast To follow is to snap the head backward, Far past angles within measures of pleasurable fit And open gates to deluging tangled circular Failures of logic that trick and co-opt the proletariat. We are Present-Ambassadors with broken flux-capacitors Demonstrating a consistent tendency toward error In efforts to obtain diplomatic access to a future where The same reemerging deficits do not manifest unfixed. One of said deficits may include all positive freedoms. For the record, it shall be noted that civil society Currently arrives implicitly to find it compliantly fine To promote systems of labor designed to illicit behaviors That will eventually undermine the actors of exhaustive work And make benefactors of those complicit in crime. As case studies of this paradoxical paradigm, we observe Nations signing trade agreements aligned with Selling more of the goods whose extractions have Cataclysmic exactions upon locals contracted not to resist. Those who take issue with this are directed to appellate institutions. The projected scarcity of over-consumed poisons causes fear Which leads to faster hoarding and more ex(t/p)ensive death. Thus, most human behaviors presently inflate pricing, popularity, And rapidity associated with committing system-wide suicide. As shackle-some power consolidation bends toward a transnational peak I hereby slide-tackle these forwarded trends, seeking goals of the rational.
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Feb 19, 2013
Feb 19, 2013 at 4:16 PM UTC
For Consideration
The following statements of truth were brought to you Not through, but circumnavigating fated parameters Of insane, yet normative, largely uninformative Mechanisms that formally give birth to ******** And instead, strategically splicing said bounds with Ideal variables derived from the courageously quixotic, Unrobotic, and outraged agents of, and for, capital Real: The train of corporate reasoning derails so fast To follow is to snap the head backward, Far past angles within measures of pleasurable fit And open gates to deluging tangled circular Failures of logic that trick and co-opt the proletariat. We are Present-Ambassadors with broken flux-capacitors Demonstrating a consistent tendency toward error In efforts to obtain diplomatic access to a future where The same reemerging deficits do not manifest unfixed. One of said deficits may include all positive freedoms. For the record, it shall be noted that civil society Currently arrives implicitly to find it compliantly fine To promote systems of labor designed to illicit behaviors That will eventually undermine the actors of exhaustive work And make benefactors of those complicit in crime. As case studies of this paradoxical paradigm, we observe Nations signing trade agreements aligned with Selling more of the goods whose extractions have Cataclysmic exactions upon locals contracted not to resist. Those who take issue with this are directed to appellate institutions. The projected scarcity of over-consumed poisons causes fear Which leads to faster hoarding and more ex(t/p)ensive death. Thus, most human behaviors presently inflate pricing, popularity, And rapidity associated with committing system-wide suicide. As shackle-some power consolidation bends toward a transnational peak I hereby slide-tackle these forwarded trends, seeking goals of the rational.
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