i dont know what to think. i dont know what to do. i love him. right?
yes, i do.
but no, i dont, i can't.
why am i still thinking about you?
yes, he makes me smile,
but, when im with him, i wish it were you by my side
i wish it were you looking into my eyes, not him.
the things he says to me,
they make my heart melt
but i think its because
i hear them in your voice.
i picture your lips moving and
i am reminded of the way you lick your lips after every few words
i remeber the effect the sparks that your words had
on my heart
and for some reason,
i just dont feel them with him the way i did with you,
especially when he tells me im beautiful.
He gives me the world, but for some reason,
it's just not enough.
I know it sounds so selfish,
but in reality,
all i want is to be happy.
i'm not happy.
i can never sleep at night.
the voices in my head keep me awake,
sometimes, those voices tell me to forget about you
and to continue being with him
those, i consider those to be nightmares.
but sometimes,
those voices sound like your voice
and like to repeat old memories in my brain
slowly, but surely,
drowing me.
These waters im in continue to rise.
so what should i do?
contiune to go through the days, pretending im happy?
or should i just find a way out?
oh, i forgot,
there is no way out.
ever.
I dont want to hurt him,
yet I dont want to be in pain either,
I want you to be happy,
Yet i want to be the one to make you smile.
So,
i guess i'll stay here,
stuck in the mess of emotions,
while the waters im in
continue to rise
eventually drowning me in my
own thoughts,
wrong doings,
and my own pity.
when will i be able to
just breathe?