"contemplations" poems
My one on one time begins as soon as I pick up this pencil
Writing to release these contemplations
The lead takes me to a process of distillation
Being careful not to run out from this eraser
Our everyday mistakes can be related to an eraser
Once you run out from your eraser you cannot wipe away any errors
So you carefully choose and think wisely
Being mindful of the insufficiency and blackness of the eraser
No matter how many times you erase
there will always be a trail of black spots left behind
Live life as if you were running out from your own eraser
That way you pursue perfection and not mistakes
Don't be the eraser that runs out quicker than the lead
Copyright© Cynthia Ulloa
All rights reserved.
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 1:12 AM UTC
The wood is stacked for winter.
One way out of the mind's limitations
is through other minds' contemplations.
The books are stacked for winter.
Yet even that cannot satisfy.
Failing to hold still for meditation
my teacher smiles, makes this observation:
The purpose of sitting's not to be satisfied
or satiated. Remain hungry,
cold, uncomfortable and counting enemies.
These, and fear, are our commonalities,
and the discipline of not hitting whenever angry.
You'll appreciate dying
quietly at home. Whichever season has been randomly assigned will be
beautiful as ever
as a molecule of water is to all matter.
"In my life there were always too many things."
If there is no time, only change
the linear becomes circular.
Do not say north or south. You're
within the winter range
of chickadees, hawks, owls and herons.
River grapes, rose hips, the cedar waxwings'
repast. Their talk is my reminding
change outlasts endurance.
Aug 11, 2015
Aug 11, 2015 at 11:52 AM UTC
ALTHOUGH I shelter from the rain
Under a broken tree,
My chair was nearest to the fire
In every company
That talked of love or politics,
Ere Time transfigured me.
Though lads are making pikes again
For some conspiracy,
And crazy rascals rage their fill
At human tyranny,
My contemplations are of Time
That has transfigured me.
There's not a woman turns her face
Upon a broken tree,
And yet the beauties that I loved
Are in my memory;
I spit into the face of Time
That has transfigured me.
4k
a rubix cube upon my desk
with half the colors matching
near a wayward garden gnome
what plots might he be hatching
contemplations fill my head
of life and all its meanings
a conservative at heart
despite my leftist leanings
someday I’ll find the leprechaun
hiding at the rainbow’s end
I’ll take that ******** lucky charms
before he runs again
memories haunt my waking mind
not sure if they're even real
vertigo and déjà vu are all that I can feel
I think I’ll take another hit
that should finally stop the spinning
as my pet rock races Charlie Brown
the rubix cube is winning
Apr 8, 2010
Apr 8, 2010 at 7:06 PM UTC
The red of cigarette ashes contrasts the white upon the snow.
The expanse is unbroken as his gaze wanders lonely plains.
He takes one puff; then another; then another one so
he can forget her face, and remember how it feels to live again.
His parka is unzipped as he breathes in air so cold,
and cigarette cherries reach his palm and burn away cold contemplations.
He smiles at the Arctic gods' cool ministrations; their fervent consolations
for the love he is smoking and forgetting in the snow.
He zips up his jacket, tosses ashes far below.
He turns away, his footsteps marking the white waste.
They are the only remnant of his remembering ablation,
and soon, they too, are absorbed by the plateau.
Mar 4, 2015
Mar 4, 2015 at 10:28 PM UTC
I wish it was easier for
people to forget, if things left their
mind as easy as they let
them in, tough skin
wouldn’t wear thin
as easy as it is right now,
my past is full of imperfections
and bad decisions, leaving unstitched
incisions beneath the brink of sanity,
but who’s isn’t? every time falsities
start, my mind races
with my heart to contemplations on
when to finish, they tattoo the past
of others on their insecurities,
fuelling the fire that burns a hole
into respect and reputation,
creating a vicious cycle
of revenge and envy,
each gossip verbally vomited
into naive ears pulls the marionette
strings of perception into the road normally
taken, two roads may have diverged
at a yellow wood, but when the ignorance
burns yellow to ash, the road less taken
seems blocked, so the next time you hear
something about another, don’t be too quick
spread the word, the game of
telephone can get a little distorted when
the next phone call
you get is that they
were found hanging from
a rope.
MJB
Feb 17, 2016
Feb 17, 2016 at 1:37 AM UTC
You'll never get to experience the depth of the still water until you're submerged.
The iceberg of the mind...
There are no mistakes, only lessons manifesting in various degrees of challenge.
Adversity is the crucible through which character is shaped.
Let my equanimity be mistaken for indifference,
as my tolerance is for acceptance.
Because the mountain piercing the heavens is actually a dormant volcano.
Jul 8, 2020
Jul 8, 2020 at 11:26 AM UTC
I think I need a girlfriend
But maybe then I don’t
Suffice to say
That when the day
Comes I get what I want, I won’t
Waste a minute, waste a moment
A nanosecond or more
I’m by no means clingy
But the joy she’ll bring me
I’ll glady return in scores
I think I need a girlfriend
My hand is far too cold
It speaks to me
(Between ************
And asks for another to hold
Was that too much information?
If it was, apologies are due
It’s just, you see
The overwhelming lonely
Like ***** sometimes accrues
I need to shut up if I want a girlfriend
My censorship is not the best
My intentions are pure
But my words get obscured
As soon as they leave my chest
Because... ugh... and also... grrr
And **** And **** And sigh
I just want... you know
So we can... smile?
And if someone would give it a try
Then I would love and cherish a girlfriend
Id wipe away the tears
From her, from me
And everything
And love her, far or near
I’m distant and I’m awkward
I’m clumsy and sometimes stupid
I’ve been the ****
Of love, a joke
And the victim of broken arrows from Cupid
I think I need a girlfriend
Who sees me for the poetry
Without a word spoke
Nor the ones that I wrote
Just one who accepts me for me
Oct 1, 2018
Oct 1, 2018 at 1:04 PM UTC
Alabaster Archipelagos
Benevolent Beauty Beaming
Constructive Contradictive Creative Contemplations
Dante's Darling Dances Deliberating Denominatives
Effervescent Escapisms Endearingly Emerge Elusive Edens
Fantastic Flamboyant ******** Flamed Fabulous Fiery Flickerings
Gorgeous Garden Gim'memores Gaudied Garnishing Gasps
Heavenly Hues Humming Heart's Harmonies
Immortaly Impregnated Inspired Ideals
Jessamin Jargon Jacuzzi Jams
Know-how Knacking Knurls
Light-spirited Lovers
Merge Magnificent
Naked Nocturno Nights
Omnipresent Ousia Over Odeons
Palpitations Perfect Peaks Pi Paws
Quintessential Quality Quarrels Question Quarks Quietness
Rododendron's Richameters Rescued Raw Reeling Ruby Realms
Sentient Syllabic Sapfo's Splendidly Spirited Semantics
Turning Turner's Timeless Timeless Twinklings
Unified Undulatory Unsolved Unicorns
Velvety Venice Voyages
Wanton Wantings
Xsylophone Xsantiphas
Yearnin' Yuki's Yen
Zed's Zealous Zen-it-hall Zeppelins
Aug 16, 2015
Aug 16, 2015 at 9:26 AM UTC
Sometimes a voice in your head will tell you that you are a disappointment. Look that thing in the eye and say, "You're a disappointment!"
Then realize that you are still shouting negative things at yourself in the mirror. Second thought, don't. Please don't take advice like this from me.
Jul 12, 2018
Jul 12, 2018 at 8:17 PM UTC
that feeling in the pit of your stomach as you raise your eyes to look at them, it's lethal
my love is like poison and the second upon exposure i'm left vulnerable but you're left affected forever, one step forward, a single blow to the lips and he has to open his eyes to see her face and remember this is real, she is real
it won't be movie love, it will be real love, and for that you must be warned - do not engage if you don't want after-sex cuddles and life contemplations, hot chocolate runs and holding hands without gloves since the heat from your hands are enough to warm the lack of oxygen reaching mine, late night laughter and cheesy dancing
do not engage if you don't want to let yourself fall in love, because it will happen slowly and if you realise when it's too late that you need to back out you need to know that like a bee who stings and dies, pushing me away from you after i've loved will cause me to be crippled not only by the weight of the falseness that i've been living in, but also the dense, crushing weight of my own love, of the letters and the kisses and the laughter
if you see me contemplate running after you when we say goodbye because i've always had a fear of departure, if you see my eyes light up when you walk into a room with an expression that can only be described as warmth and admiration, if you see my hand slowly make its way to yours in a desire to be held and comforted, if you see me love completely, depressingly, you need to stop me, because i'm warning you that if you don't i will get hurt and the pain of being locked out of my life forever will hurt you more in the months proceeding than it will hurt me as i learn to build myself up again for somebody else
you can fall in love with my lips, my humour, my dresses, my laughter, my smile, the emptiness of my eyes, the constant fear, the happiness when food comes, and anything else and everything else - but please, remember that it's lethal
it's lethal to love and to be loved, but it's the best poison i've ever really known
Nov 29, 2015
Nov 29, 2015 at 1:16 PM UTC
"my soul to keep"
this prayer
elegant, simple complexity,
comes me haunting,
every evening,
this notion,
a faint ghosting,
repeatedly reappearing
and nightly leaving,
disappointed,
from between my crumpled, sweaty bedsheets,
departing with a demanding unsatisfied, incessant,
coated with a diabolical, unfeigned challenge -
write of me,
relentlessly commanding,
right me
only,
no notions,
come realized,
no poem body, resolved solutions,
are easy offered up
your inner voices,
fettered and deterred,
begging you,
screaming,
this one,
defer, defer,
for better days,
for better poets,
who require
no assembly instructions
cannot improve upon it
my distress, sensed;
the lady of the house,
over the shoulder peering,
sees the moody poem title that
has self-selected to core this poet's core,
for endless torture,
raining down ruinous lamentation
she, ever softly spoken
*"good man,
your soul,
your poems -
both mine to take
and
mine to keep
this title,
this poetic obligation
fulfillingly, fittingly,
my responsibility
mine to write
mine to keep
mine to right
mine to mine
for its
bejeweled contemplations
render easily unto me
what I have Caesarean seized,
pried lovingly and forcibly
from thee within
though seemingly rightfully thine,
title has passed,
legally, tenderly,
into your lover's arms
banish poet thine troubled assembled,
ensemble senses,
this particular poem's journey
and the soul that bears it,
released and relieved,
for now,
mine to take,
mine to keep,
and
thy soul,
in mine to dwell,
and
mine to complete"*
~
Mar 7, 2017
Mar 7, 2017 at 8:35 PM UTC
thots and decisions
questions and contemplations
should i stay or should i go
is this my place
your place
what kind of place
is one like this
medicine and tv
helmets and screaming
i dont belong here
you dont belong here
nobody does
here your not human
just mentally insane
trying to make your way
no one understands
what its like to be me
what i gotta go through
the pain
the hurt
the game
of life
is ridiculous
viscous
and malicious
Jan 16, 2012
Jan 16, 2012 at 3:45 PM UTC
Meditation does not mean to escape, but to
come closer. Praying does not mean to speak,
but to listen. Praying is meditation.
In meditation you seek to allow peace to
penetrate, to show itself, you seek truth.
There is no knowledge in truth. Understanding
means to throw away your knowledge.
When you regain truth, you find peace. When
you are at peace, you are mindful, compassion
flourishes freely, you start to smile, and you
fall in love, with everything.
Compassion is a verb, love is freedom, and
truth is to be yourself.
Satya, shanti, prajna, karuna, ananda, prema
is the order to parinibbana.
May 5, 2012
May 5, 2012 at 4:10 PM UTC
thots, contemplations
what should i do?
where should i go?
is today the day?
why should i know!
life comes and goes
my life came, i might go
im low and im high
im certainly not high
wish i was so i wouldnt be so low
i think today i must go
go down in flames
burning slowerer than i ever have before
im a ticking time-bomb
but im about to explode
i need to get out of here
the end is near
Jan 16, 2012
Jan 16, 2012 at 11:48 AM UTC
The spirit of the age projects a myriad of peculiarities which are diametrically opposed to the wisdom of our ancestral manoeuvres of foreboding contemplations.
It is sufficient for me to say, that I have rolled up my trouser-legs in metaphysical resignation.
Lest you forget, that the history of our posterity is shrouded in post-Edwardian etiquette, as she balances on the brink of relinquished community.
Dec 31, 2013
Dec 31, 2013 at 4:09 PM UTC
What is life
What is it's meaning
Age old questions since the brain of **** sapiens developed abstract contemplations
I wonder,
Could it's meaning be entirely subjective
And that life is simply a matter of perspective
We live in a vast and seemingly infinite universe
Isolated on this tiny grain of dust that we like to call Earth
To quote Sagan, on it
"Everyone you know, everyone you love,
Everyone who was,
Every human being you've ever heard of,"
Lived here
And that thought might be daunting
The complexities and mysteries of the cosmos may be haunting
But maybe we can find peace
In the inevitable fact that our existence will one day cease
So I open my mind to the thought,
Why should we worry about everyday grief
When to me,
This entire concept provides a sense of relief
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 3:15 AM UTC
I lay here open
Open to possibilities and opportunities that present themselves for me with you
But i Can't seem to break through this wall I have put up
A wall made jus for me to protect and keep me from harmful situations
Many contemplations about how am I gonna get through this again
So I kept building and building on my personal wall
Yeah see I built this wall with pain over and over and over
A lil dab of betrayal
A pinch of some scorn
Oh and shovel full of layers of scar tissue covered with stitches for recovery
Yeah I built this wall meticulously
I would sometimes feel like I'm a guest
Sometimes like an outsider in my own skin
Moving along like a night rider
Nobody seeing me or believing me
So I carry some heavy footgear
Holding them in my rear stow away I use it to move along through life without any scars, or that's what I try to do
This footgear feels great because I can stomp, jump, and even do cartwheels over all my enemies
Ancient conviction
Shindy misleadings all leading up to my success
Leaving me blessed
Riding along this pack train saying hello mufasa and simba
Oh and rifiki is there
What's up....
See I admire their strength and agility
I even know who continues to keep me
A higher power and His name is Jesus
Love Him to pieces
But someone came outta nowhere
Out From left field Try to catch the Foul ball
Jumping over bases and even some left field men
Trying to Break through my wall
Shining some light on my night rider journey
Complicated feelings taking many meanings
My head is spinning
Fear rising...leaving me paralyzed even though I still feel your touch when I'm away from you
I'm scared...even some what terrified that I lie here and all I can think of is you
Wondering if my brain waves can send out a signal over to you so that you know how I feel
See night riders they don't open up
Staying closed
Sign on the door...
No more customers...the day is over
See We ride in the dark
Trying to keep feelings secret
A loner when it comes to sharing emotions
Commotion on the inside but calm on the outside
But maybe you can be my knight in shinning amour breaking down my walls
Chipping and chipping away through all the dust and the rumble
I may even stumble over you but at least I'll be in your arms
Feeling safe through your touch that even peels away some of the hurt
So right now I may be a night rider but I'm moving towards the horizon that is the beginning of some light
May 21, 2013
May 21, 2013 at 4:57 PM UTC
Today.
Calm wind cooling
Warm chills brewing
Animation of friends and houses
And tickled thoughts of the delusional
Small talk has becomes real talk
Chores and sleep and obligation
Braw-less day, we hang around
calling on death, to save our illusion
Tomorrow.
Yesterday.
Today.
Mind now solution
Contemplations gone away
Lives of pretend and boxes
I serve breakfast all day
I see no evil
I hear no good
Sweet child run wild
You’ll think you never could.
Step over, check over
No thoughts for the tame
Calm music, quiet closer
Failed liken
No pay
My feet hurt
Your mouth hurts
Go away, no please stay
Slow me slow me down now
**** off
How’s your day?
And turn down your sunny day!
Joe smiled the other way!
Ill love you tomorrow and not today!
Consider it my way
It’s the least I can do.
Tomorrow.
Yesterday.
Today.
Oct 15, 2013
Oct 15, 2013 at 12:55 AM UTC
THOUGHTS
Days consumed with images and memories of you...
hugs,smiles,
jokes,laughs,
stares, sweet kisses so thoughts continue.
Looking towards the constellations deep contemplations
of whether or not we are destined to be controls my entity.
Distracted by the funky melondies of untalented singers disrupt my yearning heartbeat.
At times the feeling of flight overpowers me
but there's something about you that leads to the constant cancellations of my many trips.
See shorty doo *** rolling oowops...
you intrigued my mind, captured my soul and now your so close to holding my heart that it seems unreal.
I don't fall easily!
You're piercing my heart without my consent.
You shot me in the back and I became limp to all my Desires
all the while I was looking at you,eye to eye,
Yes this was the entire time.
Confusing right,
frustratingly enough its pretty complex this surprise attack.
I have yet to start the healing process but what's even worse is Im not absolutely sure if I want to experience that,
Or if your even ready yet!
Guess Not...
You said you'll take a Raincheck
Just Speak
Ta'resa Pearson
Feb 19, 2013
Feb 19, 2013 at 12:18 PM UTC
~
these words from a friend
jar me from my glass-eyed read
"even if we are not aware,
we live in memories"
and in response i write,
"i often feel watched
by my loved ones passed on,
as though they are aware
of my every movement and deed,
peering over the portals
of a nearby dimension
as one from a portico"
watching what before them lies.
fellow members of a "club"
you didn't volunteer for,
didn't sign your name to,
you know firsthand
the longing, the aching,
the wishing and the wanting,
the praying and the begging,
the "take this cup" imploring,
remove it far from me,
the "i'm down on my knees
begging you please" plea.
grief...
a mournful response
a saudade for
what will, what can
never be again.
a shadowy wood,
where the seekers lie,
where lovers come
when lovers die;
where hope once lost
can still be found,
where signs and wonders
from beyond abound.
where man can touch
the face of God,
where the path to freedom,
with all it twist, its turns,
brings new meaning
and opens new doors.
within this forest
there lies a pool
from which to drink
and be renewed.
healing waters
in abundance here
to wash away
the bitter tears;
the lonely hours
here spent bring peace,
its lovely flowers
are rarest sweet;
the dancer learns
her steps again,
the singer finds
his inner voice;
here hearts unfold
and bare the creases,
here anxious thoughts
and anger ceases;
and psalmist's soul
here finds relief.
~
post script.
*thank you Bala, for stirring my morning contemplation time and helping me to reflect on what i have, as being a part of what i have lost.
"saudade"- though sharing no English equivalent is best understood here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade
as apples of gold are wise words... indeed! my fellow poets, you are a grace to me, a gift i did not heretofore know of; the door to a contemplative.forest i had not previously known. thank you, to each who stops in to make a kind, a generous comment and sometimes add a very thought-provoking word. i am grateful today!!*
Feb 1, 2015
Feb 1, 2015 at 2:44 PM UTC
I've noticed just how much of our talking waits
until bedtime - as if until then
we have lacked permission to pause
until we've undressed and bundled ourselves
into our duvet time-capsules.
Alas, it’s then
when the competing urgency of sleep rises
and meets our log-jammed thoughts
it’s then when our fight fades,
when our wide meander sprawls,
exhausted of its pungency
And its then
when our ability to cement thoughts
cracks in the face of creeping sleep
rerunning its classic dreams
and rebuilding forgotten worlds
that we’re fated to later abandon in the shudder of dawn,
and the demands of a new day.
And so, we delay any conscious introspection
and leave our contemplations to our advancing Sandman
as we slumber and sleepwalk in his wake.
Aug 19, 2022
Aug 19, 2022 at 6:03 PM UTC
When were mislead
from our conscience
Who's to blame
Our heart or mind
Is our decisions made
from our past or what's to be
Decisions,
contemplations, rationalizations
Good vs bad the pro's and con's
So many way's to decide
Do you pray
Do you cry
Do you ask someone
All I can say is its your decision
If your not sure, it's easy
Just put it in God's hands
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 11:21 PM UTC
it’s like
the clock is still working
but the gears are no longer turning
i’m burning up on empty
*fuel
dripping,
leaking,*
no longer capable of containing
contemplations too volatile
for proper taming,
and so i’m just… resting.
a dormant chamber of magma
underneath the bedrock is often
due for massive explosion
but i never liked being out of control
and the last thing i need are
for my insides to get torn open.
a tree bearing great fruits
brilliantly disguised to hide its
reckless disharmonious motion.
*That is fear speaking.
Apprehension.*
Avoiding the waves because
what follows next is spinning
down through the vortex
violently into uncharted oceans.
Dec 27, 2014
Dec 27, 2014 at 12:06 AM UTC