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"confidence" poems
Admire the proportions, the features, the confidence. These are supposed to define the ideal male. These things have nothing to with my perception of ideal. When I put myself in that position I call myself Michelangelo, David in front of me. I admire his proportions, his features, his confidence. I throw myself so far into the fantasy, reality becomes a fog. Enamored by him, his features, our closeness. I am entranced by him, we transcend into the unknown. I return to reality, and realize that I've gone too far. I can't take back the words I've said, or the time I've spent staring into his eyes. But I'm no Michelangelo and he is not David. My inspiration is much closer to my heart. The love in my heart. The passion beneath the gaze.
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Jan 12, 2016
Jan 12, 2016 at 10:46 AM UTC
Michelangelo's David: the Artist's Perspective through the Male Gaze
A friend of mine walked up to me and asked me: "What is a good woman?" I replied "you would know if you were a good man" He said "Stop joking I really wanna know" "There is no definite answer, but when you meet one, it will show" There are many characteristics that make a good woman, but it would take days to speak them all Since my friend brought this to mind, I thought I would list a few for y'all A woman who is proud of what she brings and won't complain over petty things A woman who is well spoken and not opposed to listening because communication is key from the beginning A woman who is wise and able to realize the pit you are in doesn't matter because she will help your rise A woman who wouldn't try to control her man but also wouldn't be a doormat And when trouble comes up, her feet won't be flat (she's ready to go) A woman who never stops believing in the man that you are and the man you can become So much confidence in you, it almost makes her seem dumb A virtuous woman who prays for you more than she prays for herself Remembering God is number one above all else A woman who tries to pay for herself before you can offer Knowing the difference between selfless and selfish is something you should prefer A woman with the power of forgiveness But don't abuse it Because a good woman is not stupid She will lose it You will lose her and have no one to blame when your heart takes the hit If you hurt a good woman, in my eyes, you aren't worth the saliva I spit The ice cream no one would lick The one that gets thrown down in hope ants would leave a picnic To pick apart your existence Use your common sense Realize what's in front of you and cherish it Woman is the title a female receives at a certain age But it takes a good man to realize a good woman is on the next page I'm not saying a good woman needs to have this quote for quote I don't think any woman does, if so, let me know I haven't met any besides my family, but I don't go down that road I'm being patient, waiting for my good woman is giving me time to grow So I can give her the best Brandon Everett Davis, the world doesn't know To not be on their level, would be a sin Let's become better men for these good women
0
Dec 22, 2012
Dec 22, 2012 at 3:37 AM UTC
A Good Woman
A friend of mine walked up to me and asked me: "What is a good woman?" I replied "you would know if you were a good man" He said "Stop joking I really wanna know" "There is no definite answer, but when you meet one, it will show" There are many characteristics that make a good woman, but it would take days to speak them all Since my friend brought this to mind, I thought I would list a few for y'all A woman who is proud of what she brings and won't complain over petty things A woman who is well spoken and not opposed to listening because communication is key from the beginning A woman who is wise and able to realize the pit you are in doesn't matter because she will help your rise A woman who wouldn't try to control her man but also wouldn't be a doormat And when trouble comes up, her feet won't be flat (she's ready to go) A woman who never stops believing in the man that you are and the man you can become So much confidence in you, it almost makes her seem dumb A virtuous woman who prays for you more than she prays for herself Remembering God is number one above all else A woman who tries to pay for herself before you can offer Knowing the difference between selfless and selfish is something you should prefer A woman with the power of forgiveness But don't abuse it Because a good woman is not stupid She will lose it You will lose her and have no one to blame when your heart takes the hit If you hurt a good woman, in my eyes, you aren't worth the saliva I spit The ice cream no one would lick The one that gets thrown down in hope ants would leave a picnic To pick apart your existence Use your common sense Realize what's in front of you and cherish it Woman is the title a female receives at a certain age But it takes a good man to realize a good woman is on the next page I'm not saying a good woman needs to have this quote for quote I don't think any woman does, if so, let me know I haven't met any besides my family, but I don't go down that road I'm being patient, waiting for my good woman is giving me time to grow So I can give her the best Brandon Everett Davis, the world doesn't know To not be on their level, would be a sin Let's become better men for these good women
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40
As insecure toddlers, we were often told by our parents that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. This is how they were able to instill in us the confidence we may have today, whenever we represent ourselves in front of other people. However, this is something I find to be quite inaccurate.  If you ask a random person about what they find beautiful and attractive, most of them would probably begin to describe a person’s physical attributes than the internal attributes. Beauty is defined to be the perfect balance and harmony with nature, which may lead to feelings of attraction and emotional well-being. Since the attraction is subjective, the term “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” takes place. Many individuals would like to believe that looks are never important, and that judgments should be based on a person’s internal well-being instead of its outer counterparts. In our modern society, external beauty is more favorable since everything becomes more convenient, than when you only have internal beauty. People will always see your external beauty the moment they see you and not that beautiful mind and soul of yours, and that’s what makes them attracted to you. Just like with expensive cars, the moment a car is put into the market, the consumer who will buy them would first look at their exterior first before they would look for its driving ability; no matter how good its performance may be, these people would always look at its exterior. Also, external beauty can help you be successful, it can land you jobs, earn more money, and help you be treated with more respect by strangers than those with internal beauty. The preference for external beauty than internal beauty is what is wrong in our current society. We live up to the evolved norms of society that we have started to grow backwards. Outer beauty fades, and no matter how beautiful you are on the outside, once people get to know you, you’d be nothing but a simple less attractive human being than you once were. I would leave a wonderful quote here written by a great author: “A tree may look as beautiful as ever; but when you notice the insects infesting it, and the tips of the branches that are brown from disease, even the trunk seems to lose some of its magnificence.”
0
Jul 24, 2016
Jul 24, 2016 at 7:55 PM UTC
Why is outer beauty seen to be more attractive than inner beauty?
As insecure toddlers, we were often told by our parents that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. This is how they were able to instill in us the confidence we may have today, whenever we represent ourselves in front of other people. However, this is something I find to be quite inaccurate.  If you ask a random person about what they find beautiful and attractive, most of them would probably begin to describe a person’s physical attributes than the internal attributes. Beauty is defined to be the perfect balance and harmony with nature, which may lead to feelings of attraction and emotional well-being. Since the attraction is subjective, the term “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” takes place. Many individuals would like to believe that looks are never important, and that judgments should be based on a person’s internal well-being instead of its outer counterparts. In our modern society, external beauty is more favorable since everything becomes more convenient, than when you only have internal beauty. People will always see your external beauty the moment they see you and not that beautiful mind and soul of yours, and that’s what makes them attracted to you. Just like with expensive cars, the moment a car is put into the market, the consumer who will buy them would first look at their exterior first before they would look for its driving ability; no matter how good its performance may be, these people would always look at its exterior. Also, external beauty can help you be successful, it can land you jobs, earn more money, and help you be treated with more respect by strangers than those with internal beauty. The preference for external beauty than internal beauty is what is wrong in our current society. We live up to the evolved norms of society that we have started to grow backwards. Outer beauty fades, and no matter how beautiful you are on the outside, once people get to know you, you’d be nothing but a simple less attractive human being than you once were. I would leave a wonderful quote here written by a great author: “A tree may look as beautiful as ever; but when you notice the insects infesting it, and the tips of the branches that are brown from disease, even the trunk seems to lose some of its magnificence.”
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4
An airplane knows With roaring confidence How to hold us in his heart And raise us up high above An airplane knows With daring assurance   When to take off and not stop until our destinations reached Because of all that Mentioned or not I put my trust in him And keep my dreams flying
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Jan 22, 2016
Jan 22, 2016 at 9:13 AM UTC
An airplane knows
Sat on a sedan Spiderman took her hand. Went down on one knee And said Will you marry me? I cannot face The rest of eternity With each generation's Take on modernity. It's old fashioned values I look for and see - Your confidence, Common sense, Your honesty, Sincerity, Your quirkiness And peacableness. But most of all Your peerless take on life Is what does it for me. Will you be my wife? Spiderman, Spiderman, How you do woo! And you have such qualities That draw me to you - Your patience, Respect, Your considerable intellect, Your gentleness, Strength of mind - I could go on at length and find You could be my cobweb? I could be your fly? Could you be the man for me Until the day I die? What more can I say than You may have concurred That I do things my own way. So can you guess? Little Miss Muffet Said Yes! And do you know what? As they lay there On that Le Corbusier chair Without a care in the world - And you know it's not novel To be graphic - They were not afraid at all.
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May 16, 2014
May 16, 2014 at 4:31 PM UTC
Spiderman Proposes To Little Miss Muffet
Glide your fingers down the railing As you make your grand ingression Meeting the faces you are destined to meet As they fasten their first impressions You are one to worry what they think And wonder how or why But, know that they have trained themselves To create facades and alibis They would be just as scared as you If they were the ones walking down that stair So hold your head up high, my dear As if you did not care
0
Mar 31, 2014
Mar 31, 2014 at 9:12 AM UTC
Self-Confidence
My body is my body I will do whatever I want I will pierce whatever I want I will get a tattoo where ever I want I will do anything I want with my body if I please Body confidence is the best thing You start to feel better about yourself And you are happier with yourself With body confidence you will be happier
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Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 8:56 PM UTC
Self Confidence
Oh, to be a poet one must be so emotional. Well, no. Not necessarily. We're only really capable of understanding feeling, investigating our emotions. It doesn't mean we cry all day, or pass nights in dark rooms moping. We have lives; come home from work or get in on a night bus back; it's from all this experience that we can draw out fact. From mundane to extraordinary we will become inspired. Our strength is versatility and life ignights our fires. So, we do not all have to be constricted to intensity -to ponder oh-so seriously on what it simply means 'to be'. We can be strong, flirty, or mean or to the brim with confidence. For, what does 'to be a poet' mean, if you cannot explore yourself?
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Jun 13, 2018
Jun 13, 2018 at 11:53 AM UTC
To be a poet
Like a steady stream That trickles through the forest, I will persevere. Though my journey is unknown, I know I’ll reach the ocean.
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Nov 6, 2014
Nov 6, 2014 at 1:56 PM UTC
Confidence (Tanka)
A confident man feels not a need to speak on all things with which he does not agree Though in the proper time and place he is not afraid to assert his way And though his words at times cause spurn, he will admit when they are out of turn Fearing not the inevitable mistake, but rather owning it too late Caring and feeling without hesitation and not for reciprocal adulation Emotions are expressed appropriately; either subtlety or rationally As honest with others as with himself; recognizing what he does and doesn’t do well Claiming to know what he does know and asks when he don’t Pursuing tasks for their benefit and or joy rather than status or fleeting ploys Those latter things are often great fun, but worry of them yields none While in his mind there is good thinking, he is more occupied with good acting In order to have concerns of the ideological, requires labors that are practical On his confidence, he does not ponder, as neither he or anyone wonders of whether he truly possesses it. We know it.
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Sep 19, 2018
Sep 19, 2018 at 6:25 PM UTC
On His Confidence
Don't lose your confidence Never distrust Providence Remove your ignorance Accumulate tolerance Patience is a must Your mind, you dust Body mustn't rust Always be honest Hopefully you live In God, ever believe The best, you give Better to forgive Choose the right path To toil, take an oath God and hope, trust both Don't die like a brittle moth God-faith helps thrive As He makes us survive Our belief, He does revive He helps peace to be alive Take efforts and await After showing your might Being happy is right As joy, you can sight True efforts never die They appeal to the Sky God keeps His eye Upon those who try Good luck my dear Pursue without fear If hard-work is here No place for tear mvvenkataraman
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Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015 at 5:02 AM UTC
Work and God Rule the Sod
Pink-Haired Wildflower I know you. I see you. everyday at least once Your pedals are short    and cute    chopped off at the chin Your clothes are loose    and indie    style, you wear so well You walk so confidently       each stride your own. You glitter shining vibrantly       like the stud in your nose. You smile so easily       and laugh with no care in the world. Pink-Haired Wildflower do you know me? do you see me? each time I pass you on the way I look at you and try not to stare your flowered beauty beholds me I wonder what you think of me This bent over gait    dark-circle-eyed    fool. I am    struggling to stay upright. Can you see the weight on my shoulders? The stress in my complexion?       my gnawed on nails and torn skin Tell me, what do you see in my gaze? I wish I possessed your confidence. Your grace in billowed petals. Your fragrance has a trail    that always circles back to me.    everyday I see you.    though I say nothing. Whatever you are I want you in a bouquet on my bedside table as I lie there trying not to cry or die. Let your rank beauty infect me aromatic surround me. Be mine. Lay claim to me. Show me your ways. or at least learn my name as if I knew yours You're a stranger to me Pink-Haired Wildflower last night your dyed your hair Blue
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Oct 23, 2018
Oct 23, 2018 at 2:19 PM UTC
Pink-haired Wildflower
I can’t listen. My mind is a prison. Tears fall down my cheek. My confidence weak. No appetite to eat. Thoughts race and prevent me from sleep. Bags under my eyes. Whats that in the sky? They tell me its just a phase. ADD isn’t real. Why is this such a big deal? Little do they know it ruins my days. Can’t focus in class. Teachers think its a load of crap. No one understands that this isn’t okay. I try so hard. I studied all night! But I always seem to fail. Look at my medication. Look up the facts. When will they realize ADHD is real. Reality and daydreams. Which one is real? Which is more important; The lesson in class, or the color of my nails? My confidence; frail My complexion; pale My mind? A jail. But I put on a smile. Make life seem worthwhile. Because once in a while I can finish a task. But pretending i’m fine. Missing homework deadlines. It’s like i’m hiding myself with a mask. Don’t get me wrong. Some people have it worse. At least I have a roof over my head. Although i’ve cried. I’ve never considered suicide. But others wish to be dead. So treat me with respect. Break the stigma. And educate yourself. ADHD is real. It’s an unfair deal. So you can choose to understand mental health. I don’t have enough focus to listen. And thats what your missing. This is not a choice, this is something I dread. So next time you judge me. Next time you label me. Remember, some with ADHD wish to be dead.
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Nov 19, 2015
Nov 19, 2015 at 5:04 PM UTC
ADHD is real.
I Don't Have Any, But I am a good actress.
0
Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 10:06 PM UTC
Self-Confidence (10w)
The Insecurities are flourishing, A gorgeous garden is my mind— But the weeds keep growing in. Media like kryptonite—weakening my self esteem. —Thoughts of a young child never knowing what to believe. I lie awake in bed at night staring at the ceiling. If only the notion could suffice in finding the words— For the void I'm feeling in my life, But it isn't simple. Pure corruption of my mind, Perfect pictures, Flawless figures, The images I can't erase. Uncomfortable in my own skin— What do I do to feel safe? Do I drown myself in ink—to cover up the imperfections? Instead of talking—walk and let my skin scream the self-expression? Or do I return to the blank stare in the mirror? The words are on repeat. Who am I to think I’m beautiful—when I myself can’t see? Who am I to think I'm valuable—when there is no self-confidence there? Who am I to think I'm worthy—when I myself don't feel? The insecurities keep flourishing. A gorgeous garden was my mind, But the weeds kept growing in. Media like kryptonite—weakening my self esteem. Thoughts of a young child, --Never knowing what to believe. One night as I lie awake—I hear my subconscious scream out to me. The most attractive people do the ugliest of things, The true beauty you want is what’s imprisoned within. Why stop your happiness to return to a place— —A place where you feel so alone? Why do the tears flow? You're killing yourself— And you fail to realize Your own self-doubt is the knife! Pessimism, The negative thoughts building inside— They’re just as bad as the razorblade that kisses your skin as you sit in silence... Why are you hurting yourself? Temporary pain is only a distraction, You were blessed and shaped by the hands of God. What more could you possibly ask for? Appearance is not everything.— Stop the self-consciousness and live your life. —acknowledge that you —are your worst —enemy... I open my eyes. The cries have ceased, I return to the blank stare in the mirror. The words are on repeat. Who am I to think I’m beautiful—when I myself can’t see? Who am I to think I'm valuable—when there is no self-confidence there? Who am I to think I'm worthy—when I myself don't feel? But it’s different this time, My reflection speaks. Saying no— Who are you not to? Your imperfections are beautiful. Beautiful enough for the heart that is meant to love you, Believe in yourself. No more self doubt, No more lost soul. —No more insecurities flourishing, A gorgeous garden is my mind. No more weeds keep growing in, Media is not my kryptonite, No more weakening of my self esteem, Thoughts of a young child finally unshackled —and free.
0
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 5:58 PM UTC
Insecurities
The Insecurities are flourishing, A gorgeous garden is my mind— But the weeds keep growing in. Media like kryptonite—weakening my self esteem. —Thoughts of a young child never knowing what to believe. I lie awake in bed at night staring at the ceiling. If only the notion could suffice in finding the words— For the void I'm feeling in my life, But it isn't simple. Pure corruption of my mind, Perfect pictures, Flawless figures, The images I can't erase. Uncomfortable in my own skin— What do I do to feel safe? Do I drown myself in ink—to cover up the imperfections? Instead of talking—walk and let my skin scream the self-expression? Or do I return to the blank stare in the mirror? The words are on repeat. Who am I to think I’m beautiful—when I myself can’t see? Who am I to think I'm valuable—when there is no self-confidence there? Who am I to think I'm worthy—when I myself don't feel? The insecurities keep flourishing. A gorgeous garden was my mind, But the weeds kept growing in. Media like kryptonite—weakening my self esteem. Thoughts of a young child, --Never knowing what to believe. One night as I lie awake—I hear my subconscious scream out to me. The most attractive people do the ugliest of things, The true beauty you want is what’s imprisoned within. Why stop your happiness to return to a place— —A place where you feel so alone? Why do the tears flow? You're killing yourself— And you fail to realize Your own self-doubt is the knife! Pessimism, The negative thoughts building inside— They’re just as bad as the razorblade that kisses your skin as you sit in silence... Why are you hurting yourself? Temporary pain is only a distraction, You were blessed and shaped by the hands of God. What more could you possibly ask for? Appearance is not everything.— Stop the self-consciousness and live your life. —acknowledge that you —are your worst —enemy... I open my eyes. The cries have ceased, I return to the blank stare in the mirror. The words are on repeat. Who am I to think I’m beautiful—when I myself can’t see? Who am I to think I'm valuable—when there is no self-confidence there? Who am I to think I'm worthy—when I myself don't feel? But it’s different this time, My reflection speaks. Saying no— Who are you not to? Your imperfections are beautiful. Beautiful enough for the heart that is meant to love you, Believe in yourself. No more self doubt, No more lost soul. —No more insecurities flourishing, A gorgeous garden is my mind. No more weeds keep growing in, Media is not my kryptonite, No more weakening of my self esteem, Thoughts of a young child finally unshackled —and free.
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69
I'm craving a man-hug tonight, initiated by strong arms picking up my under weight body letting me believe I'm re-enacting the lift from ***** dancing. And as those arms hold me close I would bury my face in his neck where after shave meets his soft pulse and the warmth of my breath. This hug would be so tight, tight enough to squeeze the pain out of my soul and be incredibly protective at the same time beating away the nightmares of reality late at night. A hug that draws out all the tears that should have been cried until my eyes run dry and start shedding all the rejection accumulated throughout this plight. An unconditional man-hug with its ends free, one not subjected to a **** in my mouth a cigarette ***** a cigarette couple of poems insomnia and a cold bed. I crave for a man-hug that will liberate me from the pathetic standards I've set for myself, of how I should be treated before handing a piece of me in exchange. One that would numb the little voice in my head which goes on and on about self-deprecating ******** bundling together all the mistakes made over the years and spanking my self-confidence until it dresses up in a short skirt and high heels and runs into the arms of a narcissist ***** A man-hug to step in and save the day when loneliness breaks in, and murders empowerment, independence and positivity in their sleep, then opens the door to insecurity and fear, who robs all hope, leaving behind intolerable darkness. I crave for a man-hug that follows through to the end with stability and consistency, like mom's cooking or my best friend, or daddy's instant reaction to defend. One that's tangible and attainable without twirling my fingers around forgotten jewellery, phone messages or a drunk memory just to remind myself what it felt like, but only to be reminded that it can never be felt again. Though I'm craving a man-hug tonight I will have no luck. Because anything with "man" in front of it, will always just be a ****
0
Mar 4, 2013
Mar 4, 2013 at 5:35 PM UTC
Man-Hug
I'm craving a man-hug tonight, initiated by strong arms picking up my under weight body letting me believe I'm re-enacting the lift from ***** dancing. And as those arms hold me close I would bury my face in his neck where after shave meets his soft pulse and the warmth of my breath. This hug would be so tight, tight enough to squeeze the pain out of my soul and be incredibly protective at the same time beating away the nightmares of reality late at night. A hug that draws out all the tears that should have been cried until my eyes run dry and start shedding all the rejection accumulated throughout this plight. An unconditional man-hug with its ends free, one not subjected to a **** in my mouth a cigarette ***** a cigarette couple of poems insomnia and a cold bed. I crave for a man-hug that will liberate me from the pathetic standards I've set for myself, of how I should be treated before handing a piece of me in exchange. One that would numb the little voice in my head which goes on and on about self-deprecating ******** bundling together all the mistakes made over the years and spanking my self-confidence until it dresses up in a short skirt and high heels and runs into the arms of a narcissist ***** A man-hug to step in and save the day when loneliness breaks in, and murders empowerment, independence and positivity in their sleep, then opens the door to insecurity and fear, who robs all hope, leaving behind intolerable darkness. I crave for a man-hug that follows through to the end with stability and consistency, like mom's cooking or my best friend, or daddy's instant reaction to defend. One that's tangible and attainable without twirling my fingers around forgotten jewellery, phone messages or a drunk memory just to remind myself what it felt like, but only to be reminded that it can never be felt again. Though I'm craving a man-hug tonight I will have no luck. Because anything with "man" in front of it, will always just be a ****
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Self confidence is the most efficient kind of insecurity.
0
May 1, 2014
May 1, 2014 at 7:54 PM UTC
Self Confidence
I am a stranger to myself. I do not know how to be gentle, compassionate, or loving, to any part of myself. I have always been able to present myself well in most public situations, be it work, school, parental obligations, parties. I can be calm and level-headed. I am able to problem solve in logical and intelligent ways. I can be humorous and glamorous when need be. But it seems as though that power and confidence, that grace and strength, is only a mask. I now have more days when that mask feels heavy. And when I lack the strength to put it on, I have to hide myself. And I’ve been hiding a lot lately. I hid yesterday. I am hiding today. I hear the words of care that others speak, but they don’t feel real to me. Sometimes I can accept their words while knowing that they do not realize that I am a disgusting person who deserves to be treated badly. They see what I want them to see. I watch them interact with the humorous Nita, the intelligent Nita, and I watch it all from the outside. I want so much more for myself. Who is this Nita that is respected by so many? I want to be loved and to feel love. I want to be free from the father and the host body. I desperately wish to be free from them, and not just in a surface way. I want them out of me forever. My soul cries out for kindness and gentleness and yet when it is offered I cannot accept it. I want to be respected and loved and yet I do not know how to love or respect myself. I know how to pretend. I wrote the book on how to hide your feelings. I know how to smile, I know how to laugh. I know that I have been given gifts but I don’t know how to use them. And the ones who were abused, ***** assaulted, degraded… they are afraid to dream that there is more to life than this. They cannot fathom that there exists a world where they can be loved in a gentle way, touched in a way that does not hurt. They stopped dreaming a long time ago. I want to stop fighting so hard, so much of the time...fighting myself, the therapist the fighting stubborn one just comes out in full-force at any perceived threat and I want her to stop fighting when there is no reason to fight. I want to learn to trust in myself and others. I want the chaos and confusion inside my mind to clear and I want some sense of cohesiveness and togetherness inside of me. I want to believe that there is more to life than pretending behind an illusion of imaginary togetherness... more than just feeling ashamed and degraded. I want to trust that I am allowed to heal. I want to believe that I am worth the time and the effort it is taking, and the pain I endure every day. I want to believe that I am not what they said I am, that real love actually exists, and that I am worthy of receiving it. And even as I write this, there is that voice inside speaking to me, "But what if you're not worthy, Nita? What if you are what they said?" She is a big part of me~ she has a loud voice. And if I don't believe in myself... how can I convince that part of me that I am good and I am worthy?
0
Aug 4, 2013
Aug 4, 2013 at 5:29 AM UTC
I know so much ~ but I do not know myself
I am a stranger to myself. I do not know how to be gentle, compassionate, or loving, to any part of myself. I have always been able to present myself well in most public situations, be it work, school, parental obligations, parties. I can be calm and level-headed. I am able to problem solve in logical and intelligent ways. I can be humorous and glamorous when need be. But it seems as though that power and confidence, that grace and strength, is only a mask. I now have more days when that mask feels heavy. And when I lack the strength to put it on, I have to hide myself. And I’ve been hiding a lot lately. I hid yesterday. I am hiding today. I hear the words of care that others speak, but they don’t feel real to me. Sometimes I can accept their words while knowing that they do not realize that I am a disgusting person who deserves to be treated badly. They see what I want them to see. I watch them interact with the humorous Nita, the intelligent Nita, and I watch it all from the outside. I want so much more for myself. Who is this Nita that is respected by so many? I want to be loved and to feel love. I want to be free from the father and the host body. I desperately wish to be free from them, and not just in a surface way. I want them out of me forever. My soul cries out for kindness and gentleness and yet when it is offered I cannot accept it. I want to be respected and loved and yet I do not know how to love or respect myself. I know how to pretend. I wrote the book on how to hide your feelings. I know how to smile, I know how to laugh. I know that I have been given gifts but I don’t know how to use them. And the ones who were abused, ***** assaulted, degraded… they are afraid to dream that there is more to life than this. They cannot fathom that there exists a world where they can be loved in a gentle way, touched in a way that does not hurt. They stopped dreaming a long time ago. I want to stop fighting so hard, so much of the time...fighting myself, the therapist the fighting stubborn one just comes out in full-force at any perceived threat and I want her to stop fighting when there is no reason to fight. I want to learn to trust in myself and others. I want the chaos and confusion inside my mind to clear and I want some sense of cohesiveness and togetherness inside of me. I want to believe that there is more to life than pretending behind an illusion of imaginary togetherness... more than just feeling ashamed and degraded. I want to trust that I am allowed to heal. I want to believe that I am worth the time and the effort it is taking, and the pain I endure every day. I want to believe that I am not what they said I am, that real love actually exists, and that I am worthy of receiving it. And even as I write this, there is that voice inside speaking to me, "But what if you're not worthy, Nita? What if you are what they said?" She is a big part of me~ she has a loud voice. And if I don't believe in myself... how can I convince that part of me that I am good and I am worthy?
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61
God. How am I still not okay? God. It's been so long. God. I'm so tired of life right now. God. What happened to me? I was such a nice kid. I was calm all the time. Mature for my age, Little but so lively. I was so helpful. So loyal. I always supported my trust. But I never really spoke my mind. I was shy. I was small. I never stood up for my feelings I never stood up for myself. And now I'm older. I realize I don't need support. I need myself. I need confidence. Speaking your mind is not wrong. Standing up for your feelings isn't rude. Standing up for yourself isn't mean. Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect. No one's perfect. Not even them. The ones you hate for being so amazing. Maybe she has anxiety. Maybe his mom is alcoholic. No one has a perfect life. There's not one perfect family in the world. There is not a person in the world who's perfect. There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife. But just because you aren't perfect. Doesn't make you less worth it. You're amazing. You're still charming, kind, and strong. You're just more experienced. You just understand some more things now. And maybe, just maybe, You just aren't as shy anymore.
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Feb 20, 2018
Feb 20, 2018 at 4:17 PM UTC
Shy?
the world needs a lesson in self esteem we can start by re-examining exactly what each part of that term means self (hyphen): "to, with, toward, for, on, in oneself" esteem: "favorable opinion or judgement; respect or regard" self esteem: to hold a favorable opinion or judgement, respect or regard, to, with, toward, for, on, or in oneself the world needs this lesson because our children do not know what this term means because the reason they do not know is because their parents did not know because the reason their parents did not know is because every generation before them passed along a belief that you had to fit into every box, had to blend in to every crowd, had to meet every bullet point on the checklist in order to be considered a person of worth because the great secret that they never told is that people were not made to fit into boxes, or be marked on a checklist because my mother married a man who did not deserve her because she thought that she wouldn't be able to do any better because that man looked at his beautiful new stepdaughter and told her she was worthless, and that her mother knew it too because that girl was cursed with the hips and the **** and the waist of her great grandmother and when she went to school with her stepfather's words in her head a boy in her second grade class said the same **** things, and worse because i was that girl and i was never the girl who got to walk behind me in the hallways and laugh at the way that my shirt was too tight, and my thighs were too big, and laugh even harder when i cried because my best friend in high school was always "the hot one" and because i cried myself to sleep every time one of our guy friends talked to me about how much he wanted to **** her because i craved objectification before i'd even finished ninth grade because i wished that i could sink my hands into my own flesh and rip pieces away and be left with something "beautiful" because i looked in the mirror every day of my life and pointed out every small detail of what was wrong with my reflection because i hoped that would help me pretend it didn't hurt when other people pointed out the imperfections because even after satisfying girlfriend boyfriend girlfriend boyfriend, i still did not feel good about my own body because it took finding the woman that i want to spend the rest of my life with to make me want to turn the lights on when we **** because she is the most beautiful woman that i have ever seen but before me, she'd always wanted to leave the lights off too because we are grateful to each other for the confidence we have gained and because we both wish we hadn't needed the other to find something that should have been found within ourselves the world needs a lesson in self-esteem and i know this because i had to write this poem
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May 25, 2014
May 25, 2014 at 7:19 PM UTC
The World Needs a Lesson in Self-Esteem
the world needs a lesson in self esteem we can start by re-examining exactly what each part of that term means self (hyphen): "to, with, toward, for, on, in oneself" esteem: "favorable opinion or judgement; respect or regard" self esteem: to hold a favorable opinion or judgement, respect or regard, to, with, toward, for, on, or in oneself the world needs this lesson because our children do not know what this term means because the reason they do not know is because their parents did not know because the reason their parents did not know is because every generation before them passed along a belief that you had to fit into every box, had to blend in to every crowd, had to meet every bullet point on the checklist in order to be considered a person of worth because the great secret that they never told is that people were not made to fit into boxes, or be marked on a checklist because my mother married a man who did not deserve her because she thought that she wouldn't be able to do any better because that man looked at his beautiful new stepdaughter and told her she was worthless, and that her mother knew it too because that girl was cursed with the hips and the **** and the waist of her great grandmother and when she went to school with her stepfather's words in her head a boy in her second grade class said the same **** things, and worse because i was that girl and i was never the girl who got to walk behind me in the hallways and laugh at the way that my shirt was too tight, and my thighs were too big, and laugh even harder when i cried because my best friend in high school was always "the hot one" and because i cried myself to sleep every time one of our guy friends talked to me about how much he wanted to **** her because i craved objectification before i'd even finished ninth grade because i wished that i could sink my hands into my own flesh and rip pieces away and be left with something "beautiful" because i looked in the mirror every day of my life and pointed out every small detail of what was wrong with my reflection because i hoped that would help me pretend it didn't hurt when other people pointed out the imperfections because even after satisfying girlfriend boyfriend girlfriend boyfriend, i still did not feel good about my own body because it took finding the woman that i want to spend the rest of my life with to make me want to turn the lights on when we **** because she is the most beautiful woman that i have ever seen but before me, she'd always wanted to leave the lights off too because we are grateful to each other for the confidence we have gained and because we both wish we hadn't needed the other to find something that should have been found within ourselves the world needs a lesson in self-esteem and i know this because i had to write this poem
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36
I'm not sure how to wear self confidence but I do know how many calories are in every food I consume And my heart may be bottomless but my make up seems to claim my entire room And my mirror may be shattered with disgust and desperation but at least my closets are full of Gucci, Prada, and Dior And maybe I can be happy with lonely isolation Gives me more time for the materials I adore And you might as well chain me to my shopping bag That are filled with platinum, silver, and gold Cause I will make up for the soul I lack With the plastics, metals, and materials cold
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May 4, 2014
May 4, 2014 at 10:51 PM UTC
Beauty
Was with  a salacious witch       with amazing quick silver tongue, Confidence personified    she challenged me to chase her, If I so wish, not in words.  Her liquid eyes and gestures, made me mad with pleasure by the time we reached the peacock hill. Peacocks, big  blue eyes painted on feathers,    each, was in love with her, it seemed. Danced vying with each other,  to please her, while she winked at me. As if to say"They'll **** each other   to get my glad eye"wouldn't I feel jealous? Helpless, I did surrender to her spell,  like others in the line, in my front and back. When just one touch of her index finger,   would evoke magic, I'll get Transformed to a young peacock  of  exquisite beauty, with blue green plumes none have ever seen before,to flaunt at others of the ilk, on seeing it they'd back out. Such a witch is one of a kind,my mind     whispers, it's she who assures me this, On the full moon night, due in a week     we'll fly to the far away  hill where She'll be with me helping to build a nest, turning to a peafowl herself, She'll lay a dozen eggs, yes, in  to my ear, she says, this is only later, h When, she with index finger will    gently touche me and proclaim, thus: "This is the peacock I enticed and    with my witchcraft ,bound for life"
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Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 8:46 AM UTC
The witch and the Peacock
There is a place Where insecurities rule No one is safe From the voices that live in the dark recesses The Kingdom of Insecurities Walls of confidence crumble Seedlings of doubt are planted in the gardens of love Hate lives among love Flowers of fear grow tall The fruit of all relationships is rotten The Kingdom of Insecurities is dark The lack of light does little to hide The terror that lurks behind our own eyes There is no King or Queen of Insecurities We have no master but our own internal fears Someone Anyone Please help me escape this yolk Get me out of The Kingdom of Insecurities
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Nov 29, 2016
Nov 29, 2016 at 7:02 AM UTC
The Kingdom of Insecurities
Life is rough, life is tough. Life is complex but becomes simple when you don't compete. Own a style. and see it to the end. And devotion will bring you success. Don't hide your potentials for fear of failure; please let the, fly. And on wings as eagle your spirit, in confidence will forever soar high. Be ready to take corrections though; it's sure worth the try. Success comes when you endure.
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Apr 23, 2015
Apr 23, 2015 at 5:19 AM UTC
This is Greatness
You look at me and you frown in jealousy. Yeah, you secretly know I have swag. Pants a little low, black and red shirt that says “Sit down and learn from the Master,” and a matching hat that states what you already know- “FRESH” You taste the bitterness of your words as you whisper lies to my back. Yeah, you secretly know I don’t care. Pants a little low, red and yellow shirt that says “My swoosh is bigger than yours” and a matching hat of who you think I resemble- Superman You hear the high pitched hissing that I’m doing well and hope that I fail. Yeah, you secretly know I’ll succeed. Pants a little low, black and blue shirt that says “Just Did It” and a matching hat that reminds you of what you need to do- “OBEY” You touch my strong shaped shoulders with yours and utter no apology. Yeah, you’re secretly freaking out with excitement. Pants a little low, blue and red shirt that says “Don’t Bro Me If You Don’t Know Me” and a matching hat with the best known bickering buddies- Tom and Jerry You smell my confidence in the aroma of chocolate axe and you pinch your nose. Yeah, you’re secretly going to buy it later. Pants a little low, black and white shirt that says “Don’t sweat my swag” and a matching hat that proclaims my feelings for you- “I <3 Haters” and under the brim it says why- “MOTIVATION”
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Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 10:17 PM UTC
Ode to Haters