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affectionate passion! taking the wheel when I’m expressionless
too abrasive and unappreciative to read the next idea, to entertain without accepting
humility, humilation, blah blah blah
sick of school, sick of music
empty gatorade bottles
gratitude, gratitude gratitude,
Weeping for Jesus
slept
copy and paste
distraction, instant gratification
freedom in expression, but not in particular circumstances
fifth amendment, but only when white, and spoken with articulation in the appropriate moment
to computerize, to know when to tuck pride between the legs,
To ****** **** into space, but to be aware of the sparkling blue ring of consciousness,
oh morality! you’ve bailed me out and allowed me to let go of control! I am forever grateful
passion and reason, chemicals, neurons, science,
all language?
precision? Accuracy? N size? population? Academia? Institutionalized art?
give me the love potion, I'll take that ****
LET IT GOO!!!!
JCabanilla Aug 2018
Here I am breaking the words I cannot say,
Standing here smiling like an idiot.
Scrolling my phone to choose the best song for today,
a song that would definitely go straight to your heart.

We met unexpectedly,
it was the right timing but we're in the wrong place.
We met when my heart got broken and yours that felt loneliness,
but we met behind the world of screen.

We got close impressively,
For starters I showed the real me that quick.
I told you what I can't, want, need and wishes to do.
I asked myself, why do I need to be me for you?

Surprisingly we bond a little longer,
I didn't stop same with you.
You begun to tell your secrets, you begun trusting me.
And I begun to be afraid.

That night when you decided to trust me I cried, a lot.
Knowing your secret I thought it would hurt me a lot
That your secret would left me so bad.
And your secret is the reason why I cried.

You didn't know that my sobs were meant for you.
You didn't know because you never had the chance.
So I kept it as a secret, I wrote down a piece because of it.
I wrote down with my hands 'cause I can't take the pain away.

Is this even possible?
Loving you and I can keep it as a secret.
Is this even true?
I love you and I kept it in silence.

What is love?
Love is something you must risk it all.
Love is something that will push you to give your all.
Love is something scary to feel.

I'm scared that I felt it for the first time,
I'm even terrified to know that I felt it for you.
Isn't scary? I love you yet I can't take the risk.
Isn't terrifying? I accepted the fact that I fell for you yet I must not give my all

This is suppose to be a love letter,
but in different version.
This is a computerize love letter,
in different form and can't be sent directly to the owner.

Do you know who's the owner of this love letter?
To be precise do you know who's the person I love?
Do you know to whom I will send this?
You can't take a guess, because this letter can't be shared secretly.

I will share this to the world,
I love you and they need to know it.
I won't tell to anyone who's the unlucky guy.
I love you and you will never know that it was you.

The Possibilities that kept on popping on my mind;
Possibility that you might love me back,
Possibility that you might hate me instead,
and possibility that I might get my heart broken again.

I need to stop falling.
I must pretend not knowing him.
I shouldn't keep on believing,
I can see clearly that he's just a dream.
words by: Jc

— The End —