I wanted to be your same color
living in a world where back roads racing,
fathers up-and-leaving,
mothers smoking in the house with the baby
is taken into caviler stride-by-stride.

**** your hat a little farther to the side
and tell me this all don’t matter.
But it comes at you in vivid splashes,
when you try to sleep under
the lumpy comforter
in the bed that I made for you
while you were in the shower

And you call me your beautiful angel,
in stark washes of fluorescent lamplight.
You’ll take the pills to sleep at night
and I won’t
I’ll just lie there pretending
until you wakeup late and groggy
And you leave me.

275

Doubt Me! My Dim Companion!
Why, God, would be content
With but a fraction of the Life—
Poured thee, without a stint—
The whole of me—forever—
What more the Woman can,
Say quick, that I may dower thee
With last Delight I own!

It cannot be my Spirit—
For that was thine, before—
I ceded all of Dust I knew—
What Opulence the more
Had I—a freckled Maiden,
Whose farthest of Degree,
Was—that she might—
Some distant Heaven,
Dwell timidly, with thee!

Sift her, from Brow to Barefoot!
Strain till your last Surmise—
Drop, like a Tapestry, away,
Before the Fire’s Eyes—
Winnow her finest fondness—
But hallow just the snow
Intact, in Everlasting flake—
Oh, Caviler, for you!

He closed his eyes on his weekly stroll,
And pondered on what it would be; if he'd known,
That it'd be a golden paved death - he'd lay with his dole.
Would all the trench boys still ****** to dug out holes?

Many bitter nights with malice to his brain,
Thought lasting the hardship would be the 'all okay'.
The flag would save him; The flag would eradicate the pain,
But the flag hollowed him out and the trench boys all the same.

What must we do in such a caviler present age?
Sign petitions in false hope of changing the unchanged?
The ol' trench boys still rot in sheltered accommodation.
Gave their live; their youth; their back and front tooth,
For their isolated treasured nation.

Last night we lay in bed, I asked her under a code of honesty
The request was a reach because opening up isn’t her policy
If you had the Flashes power and could go back in time
Would you marry me when we were dumb but in our prime

I could feel something going through her head
She paused for a long while then said
“In my heart of hearts I say yes” pause “But I don’t know if I would”
My insides were screaming but I held it in as hard as I could

Frankness is so rare and in no way want me to hamper
What could be said to not discourage the candor
She is willing to talk so out with the mystery
I asked, “what can I change so you don’t alter history?”

“it is *** and your obsession with me orgasming, you want it to much”
“And now the things you shared is on the gay side not just a touch”
I will admit I think about *** and my mind is filled to the brim
I asked, “if you found someone that doesn’t want much *** would you have married him?”
Both of us staring into the dark she said “Yes”
Insides are reeling but I keep it suppressed.

18 years ago by chance I ran across an email from her lover
I fought for her when she almost left me for that other
Winning in the end, I have never fought so hard
But would she fight for me I choose to disregard

All I could do was rejoice
But I was the easy choice
We were already married and if she stayed with him then it would have wrecked another
She didn’t want to be a home wrecker because the other was married to a new mother

She rolled over to face me. Said “I need to sleep now” Kissed me and said she loved me and was sleeping soundly within minutes
I lay with eyes wide open. The candor I asked for caused pain beyond my limits.

This morning when she waked all was usual
She walked around naked and was so beautiful
Though hurt I kissed her and smiled not wanting to be a ****
Got dressed for casual day, I never wear a hat at work

But when I saw the bed post and saw my new ball cap
What are the chances of this crap
Coincidences can be so caviler
Blazoned across the front was “Time Traveler”

I threw on the new cap but pulled it off when it didn’t fit
I stared at it remembering I never got to wear it
At the store she took and wore it the rest of the day
She is fantasizing about a time away
Defective Words

The skin matted on ebony surfaces
with exotic sleek and silk
slowed with gestures of pleasure
as it's summoned with prejudice
as if a sermon  for the caviler
her taste of melanin
uncovers the beauty beneath
as the rise of her sound is silenced
she fights and redeems her ivory
her womb of linoleum complex
as if a puzzle delicate and challenging
yet in her eyes has seen it all
and her ears blabbered with insults
vile terms, expectations and consideration
unappreciated by its own seed
and then placed in a corner
ohh that palace of malice unconquered
exploited, discriminated and disused  
watch her rise in the lens of her mind
as she bears the weight of the world

The statement comes to mind frequently .......
And that is ......
"There is one thing that Elohim could not do  ......
He could not make a mistake.."
My response is that ,
"He could ,but he couldn't ,
And He did .......
When He created woman......
His mistake was .....
(Forgive me my Lord for saying this")
He didn't make enough of them! "
Heartfelt......
Felt like it was going to stop .....
(My heart that is)
She touched me ,
All my ......
Previous engagements got ..
trifled,
As I riffled through my
Coolest Lp's.......
Little scuured,
Cause she keeps  flipping her hair and looking at me weird,
Like I don't know if she's gonna  cry or something wrong with me?
Her smile, mischievous,
Her eyes pouty ,
Sleepy .
Wanting?
Needing?
                something? ......
Seems like yesterday she was calling me names and making fun of me.....
I'm looking around sorta
Half feeling like a young king while secretly looking  for Allen funt,
And the candid camera team.
And now for some reason
I'm impersonating
007 the great  Sean Connery.
The world fell away into the abyss........
I dimmed the lights ,
Every motion I made
ended with me running my fingers through my featherd hair and striking a pose     ......
Her voice had a distinct metallic like static as  if my brain fixated on each grain of sound
I remember a high pitched crackling silence after she
Crinkled her nose
giggled and said comeer.....
Gesturing me with her finger.....
I carefully lowered the needle  ...
Onto the spinning record.....
Lover boy ,
"Take me to the top"
What's a poor boy to do ?
Is this some form of witchcraft?
I'm not in control,.
Yet ....
Then again ..
I feel like
I am ...... Or ..
I feel like maybe she is causing me ,
Or allowing  me,
Or letting me,
feel like I am.....
What kind of Vudu did she do
To me
She sat up half way
Until or face almost touched ....
Rested on one elbow
On my pillow    ...
No less
I saw glistening in her eyes .....
She looked deeply into mine .
I realized this girl I've crushed on for sooooooooooo long .  .
Was mine ....
After some time
I came to realize ....
She wasn't mine at all ....
I was hers ......
Her fragrance was intoxicating ...
I was spellbound and levitating into culpable bliss   .......
Tilting her head her eyes closed ...
She reached toward my face ....
I flinched ....... She smiled and said ...... It's ok ........
Her lips ... So soft ...... Hit wet
With mine ...
I closed my eyes and ....
Then


FIN............
I knew ,
The Epiphone ,
Instantly , I could see ,
No more mystery
My future became ancient history


I know why the female hero
Is called the Heroine!
My first addiction,
Tell me have you seen her?
caviler .......... I exist on a regimen
Of crow and "told you so"
My love life looms luminescent
So far away and distant as I
Lay awake and ..........
Reminisce
I tell myself I know
I know

I put  myself in this paradigm

I picked out this choker
Betrothed myself to Karma ....
Haven't seen the light of day,
Trying to find myself ,
With all this time to wallow
After chasing that sweet first high
Ohhhh my my
My whole life ......
I guarantee with a violent passion if ......
No when I'm let free
Finished my sentence ..... And my love light shines again ....
I'm gonna be the best the world has ever seen
You'll see  ..........
Im just sayin Karma!.
Geese loosen up on the leash
Your choking me!

Dashed,shot down
and strewn about
Rummaging through ruins
Time burning
While I'm still,
Searching last known
Whereabouts..
This vast desolate plain
In vain ,
in the shadows
dunes of doubt ......
My love draught continues
From my
Relationshipwreck
I'm capsized in this ocean
Of tears I've cried ...
Treading water for years.
Introspective retrospect
I see the shore
I can swim .....
No more
I don't think I can touch yet
My desperation is my regret
Yesteryears I held love caviler
Too many I've hurt ....
I fear .....
Karma fallen for me
I am the debt