Not an amulet, an off white vertebrae; bone.
Brass wire, a loop at one end.
It bends as to make sure this will fit.

A gauge that measures mesmerization,
And we both must get along, but
Not because we're not tough enough:
Most of us aren't soft right yet.

So many stiffs, folly after folly.
The whole carful of loose cadavers,
Dangling, their feet hang with wet snow
And carnage,

Not even musk deer pop up,
They've all gone. Roosting in a parabol,
With X's sprayed to their groins.
Burning pop couples

Doing it like laboratory mice. Capybaras
Hiss, my own burnt blood is also
Flocculating.

Turn the cup upside down and
See the fire's balmy lachrymal opaque
Moss while it does not drip.

This is the story of man you asked me about;
Devoid of a muzzle, fur onto his chest; coarse
Hair in a garland.

It is the God of a tool that buzzes into the night.
A plateau for this most sensible study.
We feel another coming.

And when you awoke, your larval tongue
My eye mush, a song of verse and melancholy.
This half list of greatness, a tally we both wish to see.

Your tears are like wind chimes,
as your heart brakes so softly,
silent you try but this you cant hide.
You've tried to be sweet, and keep the melody up beet,
but sometimes the wind goes and  dies.
But no your not fragile,
from this you shall grow.
That although your tears fall like wind chimes,
you are stronger than most know.
Yes you are hurt ,
because you feel burnt,
but dear you are a wind chime ,
you've faced so much worse.
From storms in the sky,
and when the earth quakes from bellow,
you have faced so much worse that you must know.
Dear the wind shall come again
jut be carful to who you give your heart to spend

Regret is not
The fleeting deferral of
some brief romance
Regret is
the inability to react
to the irreversible moment
of something created
slipping away

(My boy Jamie being led
  into that bitter cold by
  a hand that should have
  been none
  but my own)
  
Photographs
faded pulpit dark and
winter noon grey
are but the same as
extinguishing candles
to mark , instead , what
could have been done
for the world

(I thought they were better off
being together
with their own kind
so I used to hurry past
them waiting for the trains
their children tidy and
smiling, nevertheless)

And the Angelus bell
will continue to ring
long after we all rot.
And the ghosts we share
will take all but their
names with them, to
be dug up for some
purpose of record
to fissure a cause for disquiet
along the nuns' walk wall.

(Before that, she had been
such a carful girl
and these days I
wince at the sound
of giggles which
remind me of hers.)

Sipping from the goblet, green leafs they are
Infused with a fruit that bares billions of seeds within
Lying stretched out now with feathers covering me all about
Pewter on thy chest, and steam billowing from within
A glance to the footboard tells of a new tale to bring back to life
Like a pouch that’s placed inside I’ve placed two now, O’ how I can’t forget
Submerged in steaming water, submerged in a bed of silk there almost the same
Vision of a string and tag now hangs on my jars side
Bee line strait to my right toe that’s where my eyes go
Like a sick joke it reminded me again of another tag I can’t erase from my mind
Soaking in lining, soaking in a mixture of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen
Ever so carful while pressing the bag to get the remaining flavor
Trying not to rip for fear of a foul taste
Like a pouch that’s placed in its chalice with a soul still attached
Body has been brewing all the same told maybe not to rip that bag
For things might not look so good, no fear here I had to see the face
Eyes were closed and red lines running from the corners of her mouth and her nose
With a blink of my eyes I took a picture as if she had posed.

(CARSr. 5-17-12)

can you solve me?

unfold me expose my problems.maybe not. a simple bow slowly becoming a masterpiece of interwoven components. pick up sticks. twister. limbo. on the brink of collapse. one. two. three strikes you're out. those are the rules, are you ready? go! drugs. depression. disability. drinking. dementia. blasting any sound to keep out the shouts. deceit. lies. regret. abuse. curses spilled out. carful you might trip. Or maybe you already are. like I said, a bow, so easy to undo, so simplistic, internally it becomes equivalent to rocket science. Where's the key to success? the missing puzzle piece? buried in as-seen-on-tv purchases and old moldy mattresses, children's toys and croc pots. smothering the pain of a loved one passed. is he dead or alive? who knows. Is she going to make it to 50?unlikely. suicide just in time for a birthday. unfair exchange.continuing pattern. someone has to make up the hoi palloi no one can or will solve it.you can take that to the bank...just wait a couple weeks

My mind is a cauldron of
thought, always is some
thing spilling out, I have
to be carful and not let
them spill on the floor

Never to be an idea spoilt
in dirt. I just skim the foam
of thought that boils forth
and then sip to make the
thought an idea.

For while my cauldron of
thought, is stocked by the
flames of letters burning
that saturate in to the cauldron
to boil in to thought.

For this is only a time of ideas,
for the flames may one day only
glow, not burn and the cauldron
may only simmer and ideas not
full but not cold.

Till the day the fires again once
stoked, and the ideas boil with
thought I must capture that
which boils to skim it for
thoughts to become ideas or more..

I am the moon;
not afraid of the dark
or of hanging on edge
I am the waves of sea;
screaming as I break
into a million little pieces
I am the stars;
edgy and carful
but shining for you

Girls let me tell you this
please do not **** lemons
for they rot your teeth so
be carful what fruit you ****.

That's IT.

"The pain is here, it’s real, it’s new.

I thought I knew who I was talking to.

Darkness resides heavy in my heart.
Just waiting for sincere healing to start.

The fire was real and I fueled the flame.

So guilty I’ve been carrying this pain.

Being a prisoner trapped in my own mind.
This high’s all I wish to feel this time.

So sad, so strong, so weak and true.
Slow songs induce strange thoughts of you.

Not common or right for binding me to insanity.

Oh how my veins pulse with this conflicting tragedy.

Hard times of each life are unfortunately common.
Why the **** do I feel so unnatural and bothered?

True, I had invited that feeling so fake that it’s real,

but only Satan’s heart could feel.

The crack of light in the darkest of indiscretion.
Hope sin won’t taint skin and take over my soul’s possession.

Memory is faulty and haunts my mind.

I want no one to be a victim of my kind.

What happened that night follows me around.

I will no longer stand back or bow down.

For these people who lie and cheat and steal.
Innocence taken only for fast thrill.

Hope of forgiveness grips my mind.

Just wanted to feel more than fake sincere of some kind.


The roots they can’t unwind this time.

Still…I sit, I wonder, I wait.

If one day I will escape this twisted discovery of fate.

So gripping, so chilling, so ghostly I subconsciously feel.
What makes this purpose of life so real?

And yet, I thrive in the hurt of deceptive captivism.

Still it leaves me tangled in bitter cynicism.

To decipher what feelings are true and sincere,

For tragic time has dragged me down, my dear.

For each soul not to to see what I see in a day.

So blissful and unaware in their mind’s they will stay.

The heart it beats without time in mind.

Wish others could see things on my side.

This kind of thinking isn’t simple or plain. 

Everyone else seems stuck in this game.


Of greed and lust and experience to blame.
Spiders only weave webs of shame. 

This dangerous adventure has many to claim.


Hypocrites have only themselves to blame.

As I realize this life I’ve continuously made,

Memories of sadness get locked away.
Healing begins and time takes charge,

Of keeping the soul you recognize at large.

And one only knows how far that goes.
To each other’s own personal experience we toast.

To the keeping of safe things around to stay.

Hoping for those demons to just stay away.


But simplicity of shame has no beginning or end,

To staying indefinitely happy forever my friend.

This idea has sparks that your conscious mind ignites.
To crave staying out of the darkest of times.

Your mind will spin and won’t win at first.

Playing tricks through your darkest treats that leave burns.

Scratch and itch until these marks bleed.

This method of recovery doesn’t work it seems.

Leaving scars seen only through subjective time.

That taunt until your hinges unwind.

Consistency in mentality is major, it’s crucial for change.
Taken aback by simply just hearing his name.

My identity tainted, shocked and shaken.
What has this occurrence ended up taking?

Not the love I wanted.

So unrealistic, yet I can feel, 

That after carful recovery my insecurities will yield.


That light in the end can draw back my shield.
That this shadow uplifts and leaves me for real.

Medication of mind is found only through time,

Through genuine acts of someone truly kind.

Souls slowly die when they question hopeful living.

My sincerest apologies for the lies I’ve been giving.

It’s a cover, a mask, and the truth of pain.

I refuse to stay stuck in this cycle of shame.

Stay strong.
They say that’s all you can do.


And true as this is, I’m still stuck thinking of you.

That night is over and so is this blame.
Sometime I believe I will be able to tame,

These thoughts that flow so easy to spark,

cannot **** my faith in humanity to start.


I refuse to give up on this battered heart.

I will not become what I fear in my most secret confidential.
One who only sees light in the shadows and ignores what is stressful,.

Through highs and excuses I will no let them take,

That piece of my heart I’v trying to wake.

Though struggles seem unavoidable and consistently collected. 

I truly do not want this free spirit caged and affected.


This stand of my emotional recovery is not of physical kind.
This healing begins with the true detox of my mind.

As I end on the note of freeing of my soul.

I hope this helps others who want to console. 


The heart they knew and wanted to keep.

There is undiscovered hope for you and as well as me.

So take these words as a binding contract.
That cleaning of wounds only reach pains surface.


That believing in reaching that once discovered place,

though damaged and battered is still accessible to face.

Easy satisfaction and crossroads emerge.
I was easily one to allow the temptation to purge. 


In sins that are quick and easy to explain.
This will not help but add to each pain.

Listening to others tell of their relatable mistakes.

Only add to our internal blames.


And conclude the point of truth and pain.

Advice refuses credibility once harsh realization is triggered,

The angel on your shoulder only begins to shiver.


Will power and self esteem being to wither,

and trust can’t help but to surrender and quiver.

Every profoundly denied claim being kept locked away,

Comes clean and draws free to cause damning dismay.

Worst part is knowing this ideas been exposed and hindered

Also tainted by reality my soul will forever carry this pain with her.


Admitting the second it surfaced it was what I had subconsciously figured.

This must be forgotten and thrown away.
The business of the mind must retain a stance to not play.


With ideas that settling on perceptions of others is craved,

And the idea a veiled mindset is what should be portrayed.

The strongest hearts beat to sounds of their own drum,

Flying freely above others actions that stung.


Still keeping in mind humanity in other kinds, 

And believing they can soften others relatable pain that binds.

And this I have to know is true.

Because it takes just one soul to have faith in you.


It’s the strongest of souls bitter sweetly kept insane.

And believe, after time, life can be beautiful once again."

Lessoned learned the hard way
Like waving my hand above a candle flame
Sneaking a touch
Even after moms protest
But what child listens
My curiosity has always been strong
Just take scars from past burns as evidence
Be carful son
She taught caution with everything
Everything except the heart
I wish she explained how to navigate these feelings
No advice about girls and which ones you shouldn’t pick from
Trial and error is seems like
But I’ve had more error then success
Learning that what you give doesn’t always equal out to what you get
Subtle lessons about love I wish came quick
But just like the flame
I didn’t know it would leave scars like this
But like a moth…

Ever sense i was a spark in her womb you've been faning the flames.
You've held me tight between you both, carful that i don't blow out
You've given me the nutrients i needed to bun high
But then when i grow one way you fanned me the other way.
Away from things you see as wrong,
Unfit.
Rude.
A waist of time.
While holding me tight you somwere along the way frogot to let go.
Do you not understand i can not grow under this pressure?
do u not see me being smuthered?
So now it is to late.
I am dying.
While my light is bright it is small and will not last.
You Can not go back and fan any spark into me now.
Now i pray for death.
That cold darkness.
Then you will let go.
Then you will forget my glow.
I would pray to be ash.
The kind that looks like ***** snow,
Floting.
So that i can join the soil, right under your feet.
So that wildflowers could grow through me.
The ones no one will pick
Or put in a vase.
So that you could not display them at my funeral

I grow wary of thinking,
I laugh when I chide my self,
"Now now carful you think hard enough it will hurt",
Then I laugh to my self and think again,

Sometimes of nothing other times it's of wild winters and summers full of laughter and love,

But even more so now I think of what it would be like,
To have someone close,
To hold,
To kiss,
To not have to think,

I chide my self more now than ever before for I think to much.

and i should be asleep
but it's nicer to let it seep
and maybe i'll just have a coffee to go
in the morning
running to the door
to catch that bus

sit at the back.

i'm a hood rat

hood lum

we all gotta wear tin hats out there!

countless satalites and countless wi-fi waves
countless phones
and countless drones
countless android apples

but


beware....no where did the bible mention the fruit was an apple.

be carful...
be care.


be care and know

i care , so i hope you have a good day darling , a good night sweetheart and lovely inbetween baby ,

go safe ,

Drip, drop, drip, drop
Coffee drops,
O how they fall;

It growls, it purrs
When each drop falls
Below to  black seas;

Steam! O steam!
Is it mad, is it upset
When coffee it makes?

It is hot, it is warm;
Carful little fingers,
They can burn!

Smell, sniff, inhale
The aroma it brings
To warm the senses.

It is done, it is ready!
O goody! Like Papa,
I of four have my own!

I kind of just sat their numb to the world while Vanaleta whirled around me like a tornado. Throwing anything she saw necessary into the trunk. I couldn't see a pattern in what she threw in. The look on her face told me not to put up a fight, to not ask her why she was inside my room, why their was a creature, man thing flickering like a candle in my room. It didn't hit me until she started to slow down what was going on. She was in my bathing room when i shot up out of bed and promptly fell to my knees. Once i was on my feet the world went black. I crashed to my knees, something caught my shoulders, holding me upright. My vision slowly came back, it felt like being stuck under water looking up at the world tat was above you but not being able to see it clearly, then suddenly braking threw the surface. the next clear thing to me was having my hair held back, and someone gently rubbing circles on my back. It felt like they were trying to be carful, like they were touching an unfamiliar animal for the first time. I remember looking up and seeing Vanaleta run into the room, seeing her eyes go dark, as my world went black again. God i wanted to scream, to make a sound, to so anything. But the Black that pressed down on my vision it felt like a crushing weight, pressing down onto my chest until i gasp, al the air was let out, and it finally pulled me under.

What will our last deeds be when we are faced with death...
And will we prove to be inherently evil when we have no breath.
They say the memory that you leave behind is glorified.
And to live every day like its your last ride.

I am no better than anyone.
And I am no stronger than you.
But I understand my place in this world..
Do you?
I will not be content with stationary thoughts
Or paths the say they end but the world lays beyond.
I will not be content with this town, this state, this country.
Because I am not content with myself.

Be better they will say than you were yesterday.
Learn something new everyday.
I've learned that life douse give but mostly takes.
Its taken my innocence, its taken my purity.
Because I was not able to value myself,
I was not able to scream for help
But I've learned that he himself was harmed,
like he had harmed me.
So I have forgiven him for what he did,  but,not easily.
Because I understand what it dose to your mind
to be beaten brutally.
It is what it is, don't feel bad for me.
because like an angel with broken a wing,
I again will learn to sing.
Be carful and hold fast, because nothing in this life will last.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a vat of molasses,

Stuck,

Unable to move,

But on the outside I’m still moving,

Smiling,

Laughing,

Hiding,

Lying,

And sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in the shadows,

Tied down,

Kept in an unending circle of thoughts,

Forced to relive my darkest moments,

Hearing the words said to me by others,

‘Freak,’

‘Ugly,’

‘Idiot, ‘

‘Stupid,’

‘Shut up!’

‘No one cares!’

‘Why should I listen to you?’

‘******,’

‘****** *****,’

‘Yeah, so?’

‘Was I talking to you?’

‘Go away!’

‘We don’t want you here!’

‘Go somewhere else!’

And after a while new ones are added, ones said by my own brain to me,

I’m a freak,

I’m a good for nothing,

I’m a loser,

I’m never going to amount to anything,

I’m Hideous,

If I’m not carful they’ll know I’m weird and tell me to leave,

Who cares what I have to say?

I’m worthless,

My writing’s s**t,

I’m fat,

I’m weak,

I should have run farther,

Look at me, can’t even do a pull up,

And sometimes I feel so wrapped up in those thoughts that I can’t even breathe,

Can’t pull myself out,

Can’t look up,

Can’t get out of the shadows,

Can’t see the light,

I feel so lonely,

Too caught up in the looks others give me to see the smiles of my friends,

Sometimes I feel like I’m caught in the dark,

Sometimes I feel like the shadows will consume me,

Sometimes I need someone to pass me a torch to beat off the shadows and ward off the darkness,

Sometimes I need someone to pull me out of the vat of molasses,

Sometimes I need someone to see past the smiles,

Sometimes I need someone to see the girl tied down in the shadows,

Sometimes I need someone to untie me,

Sometimes I need someone to break the circle of thoughts,

Sometimes I need someone to wave away my darkest moments,

Sometimes I need someone to combat what others and myself say,

To say that I’m worth it,

I’ll succeed,

I’m beautiful,

That they will never leave,

I belong here,

Don’t go,

Stay,

We’ll never make you leave,

What do you think?

You’re worth something,

Your writing’s great,

You’re strong,


Other times when I’m in the light,

I see those who are in the shadows,

And then I’m the one who beats off the shadows,

I’m the one who passes the torch,

I’m the one who wards off the darkness,

I’m the one who pulls them out of the vat of molasses,

I’m the one who sees past the smiles,

I’m the one who unties them,

I’m the one who breaks the circle of thoughts,

I’m the one who combats the words,

I’m the one who offers companionship,

I’m the one who gives the encouraging words,

I’m the one who helps,

I’m the one who saves a life.

She try's to keep it real
That boy she loved gave it all to her and made her strong now she is in tears wondering what she did wrong?
Is it that she was to clingy
Was your head going insane she has never had such a good boy such loving and fun she felt like her self but that was to clingy? You want to go on live life and have some fun, What!! Isn't she good enough to make fond memories with?
I walk down the street with tears falling from my eyes
I see street lights flashing
Ambulance rushing cops and children screaming
Mothers crying dads over in the coner trying to keep it real trying to be the man.
Then I see everything in this world is cruel wake up!! Wake up anything you say can hurt someone anything you do could end someone's life
The guy who shot that poor girl is crying he don't know what hit him, I wish everything was just a dream I'm so sad he broke my heart be carful of who you you hurt you could through away the moon while counting the stars.

Winds in the east  
Calling my name
It is so sweet
Singing again

I want to run
Away from my life
Away from the sun
Away from the strife

Deep in the dark
The spirits glow
They sing hark
They sing hello

The night is deep
The sun will come soon
The moon gently weeps
Deep in the gloom

I hold my head
Up in the clouds
My hair is deep red
But I wear a shroud

The river is swift
The river is quick
Deep down in a rift
Carful don't slip

When I was young i watch the wolves
till the morning sun
and I grow i see
if i am not carful
I pull the wolves on me
but then i was young
and i servive by
the moon.

I was assembled in carful manner,
like an artist with a brutal wrist
learning to be gentle at the hand
With his fingers a stroke per touch was liquid fire... and the ambers bled.

In an age of chaste- my uniform and I elaborated together,
right before the architect checked in.

To measure our dogma
do we have the skill of a plank?
Grown enough, he'd engage me at force.

The utensils of my porcine frame had
taken attention- and tention
off from his sore eyes.
Across the alley walls where we wildly grind, contrary
to a man compelled.
And like a beast, he took liberty
in between walls my temple built,
and broke them back down
to a soundly fever.
© Salamasina Talaepa

Dear Shawna
I want to thank
You for
Taking me to the French shop
Now I can recognize
Tantra
And it’s ****
And it’s immoral intents.
Yes I can smell rats.
You may have saved me
From a fate worse than death.  

Dear mom
Thank you for training
Me to smell
*******
I will be carful
You may have saved me
Though
You saved me again
From a fate worse than death

Dear miss turner
Thanks you
For helping
Me find a bad
Situation and
That’s it’s ok
To go to the police
When needed.
You may have saved me from a fate
Worse than death.


I guess you
Guys were meant to cross
Patches for a reason

Now

I have some hard and huge
Questions to think about
That may even save me.